[Music]
mother I love your new hair style I mean
you're already a beautiful woman but it
really brings out the brown in your eyes
thank you and it brings out the brown in
your nose what you want all right we
know how being the last one of my group
of friends whose parents aren't divorced
makes me totally boring your father and
I have already apologized for that when
i figure i'd be so much cooler if i had
a belly button ring ah no but mom you
have no idea what it's like to be a
teenager these days it's really really
hard to know who you are in this world
that's all I'm trying to do figure out
who I am and who I'm gonna be sweetie
I'm sorry but I don't know if we have
the space for what for that big load of
crap you just wheeled it dad something
totally unfair yeah she does that you
need data run slower or get taller
Phoenix squirt and put some clothes on
shucks stupid by the same type clothes
off but remember the underwear stays on
till after dinner same rules as when we
were dating yeah can I have a belly
button ring Judy can she have a belly
button ring can't you think for yourself
Judy can I think for myself nope sorry
totally bad parenting good parents would
sit down and discuss it with me well
honey me and your mom are always looking
for ways to be better parents let's
discuss it now Lauren why do you think
you should have a better go to me well I
know
sorry just kidding go ahead all right
well I think don't you all get that for
about 20 years but trust me this is fun
cut it out bill go ahead lon all right
why no you might suck hey go to your
room fine you know she has a tv/vcr in
stereo in her room hold on go to my room
that's right a 12 inch TV with no cable
try to have fun in there how is work
Julie I sell toilets I'd say 30 seconds
a day and assume it sucks till further
notice how much you owe on my lunch hour
i had a little sutton done that I side
you my blank it's my hairy edges I was
on my way up do it Yeah right that's
nice that's it oh it's a permission slip
for your son his computer club is going
out of field trip rather go and radio
shack look at that there I'm worried
about him he's been acting a little
strange since we started high school
well when you have three kids one of
them's bound to be a little strange
lucky we're not lions would eat number
well I think you should talk to don't
make me talk to him I love him I just
don't understand him is he using big
words again yeah they did apologize for
patronizing me what I'm gonna tell
laughing who's your next for bothering
you oh just a little well it's been 13
years I don't know why you don't go to
the doctor why get fancy I'm happy
looking straight ahead wait a minute
you're cooking with real cheese your
sisters coming over it she wants us to
meet her new boyfriend Paul and be nice
to Linda why should I your sister treats
me like an idiot you want to win her
respect try not doing that impression of
her ovaries drying up
I don't want to win it that much so she
really likes this guy and I'm trying to
show them a happy couple and mess up so
shut your hole and go change your shirt
why should I you owe me oh yeah are you
all me you calling me out maybe what you
got you owe me because i rake the leaves
last week oh geez make it a challenge
willya you owe me from april twenty
second 1997 I let you watch the end of
the hockey game during sex on our
anniversary and that doesn't count it
was a playoff game we were both watching
it yeah but you didn't have someone
behind you who thought it was funny to
keep yelling down in front still gets me
[Applause]
get up dad you're a kid your room
shouldn't be this clean the bubble boy
had a Messier room thank you what are
you doing plan to compete against to
call existence you slowly both
civilization by acquiring inventions
solving national problems building an
economy I'm making the blow stuff up
cool cool anyway what these two future
for scary and that key controls the
detonation sequence makes things go
kaboom Oh how's everything else called
all right Brian notes you're done during
high school your mom and I want you to
know that if you need some want to talk
to you could always die
anyway great still up yep you're gonna
blow up the school nope and if you do
I'm the only one I paid attention to
your right right so your graduation well
actually there is one thing it's not a
math question is it cuz we'd have to ask
your mother normal woman thing huh you
don't a b-1 do you know I like one
really did a girl finally join the math
club no translator would never join her
math club she's a bad girl isn't yeah
stewardess us millions like I'm bad so
what's your plan action well I've just
been helping over the school work and
carrying your books listen to your
problems well that's all well and good
sound if you want to become a member of
the never touch a booby trap what close
the door son help is here now I'm gonna
tell you something you need to know
about women high school girls like jerks
why why do birds fly why is the sky blue
who knows the answers to these questions
what was actually very simple answer to
those questions you want to be smart or
you want to touch a booby
come on gotta make him think you're a
little dangerous I was in high school
your mom was a hottest chick in art
class she was way out of my league then
one day I got caught smoking and
throwing a cherry b*mb down the toilet
that's when she looked at me with love
in her eyes and thought this guy is
really gonna piss off my dad not white
grandpa's first you as mom's first
husband yes it is dinner will be ready
in five minutes thank you linda told me
that you two have been married for 15
years yeah and i can honestly say it's
still not worth half my stuff to get rid
of her now that so Paul Linda tells
us your psychiatrist I can do actually
I'm a psychologist if I want to be a
psychiatrist I'd have to go through
medical school and residency and all
that and how you feel buddy how was
gonna take the management course at work
but it's like three Saturdays Paul is
also a published author I want Elmo's
like your article coffee just a little
thing I wrote for a journal of all ways
to help you release your inner
negativity oh yeah what do you do I felt
toilets they also help you release in
our negativity sweetie it's time to give
recouping no one should animate sorry ah
what is it daddy on the potty
maybe going on come on why can't I stay
down here well because I like you too
much honey top seed oh this is a very
nice drawing but it couldn't be built
because this man is reading that's nice
when you loved ones do sweet things for
you hey what am I saying Linda your
cat's probably do this for you all the
time still behave yourself do I think
Linda started it it was nice meeting you
buddy when did I actually have a very
honest relationship in fact that's what
my article was about yeah uh you know
Paul thinks that the secret to a truly
fulfilling relationship is being totally
honest with each other at all times oh
hey you guys we should play truth be
told what's that well it's where you
tell your partner something that you've
always wanted to say with the
understanding that there is a safety
zone okay which means they can't get
angry at you I got another game it's
called I'd like to have sex again
someday so come on this could be funny
you seem like I have a really good
marriage we do for good man well let's
give it a try the father likes your
socks that's why I got married so I
don't have to exercise truth be told
Linda I don't like that dress you're
wearing Billy enjoy the ride home buddy
[Laughter]
while I think you are a beautiful woman
that dress doesn't show you the best
life you know what else doesn't show it
in the best light light right ah no I
respect that and it's cool i really hate
the music you play in your car not
everybody likes ragtime so I respect
that we have different musical tastes
and I won't play it anymore there you
see that wasn't so hard you give it a
try all right come on Judy go for
comfort okay uh should be told bill I
don't like you sure I know that's why I
wear it short term bill I don't think
this is a good idea come on bill do it
for me you sure about this bring it on
baby all right truth be told Judy I
might have lied before I'm not that
crazy about your haircut really unless
you really like it in which case I'll
just shut up I wasn't trying it myself I
was just trying something new well that
was easy look no bruises yeah you see
most people want to hear the truth you
said you forget about it okay well I
think dinner's ready Oh actually another
thing just popped into my head what's
good here well sometimes you can you can
be a little bossy I'm done let's see
me I didn't mean bossy i meant
demanding or nice well is that
everything could you might as well get
everything out Judy I love you more than
anything in this world I love you so
much I don't even care that you
overcooked chicken don't you sing all
the time even though you can't carry it
to sometimes when I'm watching TV you
just won't stop talking
oh good isn't enough that I have a job
I've got to be a gourmet cook sing like
an angel keep quiet during wrestling do
you remember safe is all it's not like i
enjoy oh my god what a pain in my next
gum oh so what are you saying this whole
time I've literally been the pain in
your neck I didn't say that that's
another thing that's annoying you always
put words into my mouth oh god my neck
feels great oh well I got shoulders
what's that that's just a list of things
for the next time we play you misspelled
nitpicky my neck feels incredible I'm
gonna sleep like a log tonight and I
think how are you doing I just thought
if living with me with so bad maybe
you'd rather not live it all this dinner
thing was your idea I only played that
trophy tall game to make you happy but
you didn't have to like it so much I
didn't have to play it at all but you
wanted me to so I did do you really
think it's right to get mad at me for
something you asked me to do you right
I'm sorry you gonna do this all night
you must be told yes
Bell Bell where are you hi got your
message to hurry home are the kids okay
they're fine but what is it are you sick
no everything's fine especially you you
are so fine what that's right I'm
talking you my lovely lady you've been
drinking only if you mean drinking in
your loveliness I'd like you to say
hello to a friend of mine what the hell
is going on nothing I just wanted to
show you how sorry I was for what I said
yesterday you're perfect just the way
you are Yeah right oh really ina said
those things cuz I was mad at you for
making me play that game so you were
lying when you said those things about
my hair and my singing and my cooking
yes what's wrong I mean your neck is
bothering you cuz you're lying again no
hello hey Pam what the principal's
office okay thank you that was worth
calling Ryan school wants to see us
right away you kidding get your ass I'll
Drive oh good good cuz you're a much
better driver than I am honey hair you
all right yeah wow I've been in this
office in 20 years how you doing miss
Beldon I want to take a wild leaf and
assume it's still miss Boden yes it is
mr. Miller I'm going to take absolutely
no leaf and assume it's not dr. Miller
I'm afraid we caught Brian smoking
doesn't seem like Ryan oh I don't know
Judy he is his old man son so what'd you
do bust a little troublemaker in the
bathroom no he threw up and passed out
in the hallway in front of a girl we
think he was trying to impress Brian
this does not seem like you where would
you get an idea that smoking would
impress a girl who cares where he got
the idea Oh a kid made a mistake which
he thought up on his own and I will
personally punish him why were you
smoking I didn't gonna become a member
than never touch a boob each one what
what if I heard that you talked to some
to smoke I am so sorry about this all
the kid does his homework I just saw
they should loosen up a little be a
teenager have some fun I having a smoke
and touching a boobs it should be
ashamed of yourself but then again you
were nothing but shuffle when you will
student so why should I expect anything
else if you as a parent hey honey wait
for us in the car got you not you you
think
fine he was the one smoking listen lady
never talk to my husband in front of my
son like that again and he's not a bad
father he is just a stupid stupid man
the best job you can I mean you're
dependent me to the sounds like it could
go either way I'm working with what I
got you told him to smoke I was just
trying to help him get a girl the way I
got you just get me by smoking well you
know by acting like a jerk you didn't
get me by acting like a jerk either I
dated you cuz you were sensitive you big
idiot I was not sensitive oh alright the
day my dog died you skipped that cheap
trick concert to talk to me cuz you
could tell I was down that's when I
thought yeah you know he's a little bit
of a jerk he's kind of a nice guy too
first time you ever noticed me no
actually the first time I noticed you
you were standing right over there
wearing a tight red Aerosmith t-shirt
blue jeans with a back right pocket
ripped off some guy made you laugh and I
thought if I could make her laugh like
that life wouldn't be so bad Wow just
when I think you're an idiot you say
something so sweet plus you weren't
wearing a bra that day so the ladies
wear off the plane I bet you could still
fit in that Aerosmith t-shirt ah so
we're back to Lyon to each other oh you
bet this whole truth things k*lling us I
think if we really care about each other
we can build up a nice wala lies that
will carry us through our 50th
where's Peter so I'm not bossy not
unless you say so can you like my hair
it makes you look 10 years younger what
kind of lover alive fantastic every time
we were just talking wait a minute what
married that's right we were making out
take it outside yes ma'am oh just a
second I forgot something in your office
I know that my husband made a big
mistake but he really is such a good man
attention student body Judy Miller is
still the hottest
[Applause]
[Music]
01x01 - Pilot
Watch/Buy Amazon
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.
Bill and Judy Miller are a blue-collar Chicago couple trying to raise three children responsibly without sacrificing their youthfulness.