01x16 - The Good Life

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Beeping)

♪ Something tells me

I’ve been dreaming ♪

♪ Of someone who was

never real ♪

♪ It’s seems I’ve changed

a thousand ways ♪

♪ I wish I looked

the way I feel ♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ah

♪ Ah

♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Braceface

Okay, let’s go over the rules

one last time.

Uh-hmm.

Head straight for the target,

collect required item, exit

premises.

In, out, nobody gets hurt.

Ready?

(Deep breathing)

Ready.

(Laughing)

Sharon: Maria has this

warped idea that I’m a sucker

for advertising.

Like, if I just had this dress

or those shoes, I’d be happier.

And, of course, much cooler.

Which is totally ridiculous.

Look at me!

I’m so last week!

Breathe Sharon, and remember,

you’re here for only one thing.

Underwear.

Check it out!

Three pairs for five bucks!

(Screaming)

Come on, Sharon.

Just one peak.

Hey!

Have you even looked at the

price tags on this stuff?

That was my next step.

(Giggling)

(Gasping)

Guess I’ll just get these.

No.

Come on, Mom, it’s not

unreasonable.

Sharon, you’re asking me to

triple your allowance.

’Cause I look like a dusty,

old, totally out of it, relic

and I’m only thirteen!

(Chuckling)

Trust me, money can’t buy

happiness.

SHARON: Isn’t it freaky how

adults can say that stuff like

they mean it?

With my allowance, I’ll be

ninety before I can buy the

stuff I need.

I hardly call it need.

Oh, hey, your idol’s on Pop TV.

(Clicking)

LENA: ♪ It’s like I’m living

in a fairy tale. ♪

♪ Pinch myself to make sure

it’s real. ♪

♪ I used to be so down, so out,

now I’m living the life I only

dreamed about. ♪

♪ This is the life, and I’m

holding on to it. ♪

♪ Cause it’s the only one I

got. ♪

♪ This is the life, it couldn’t

get any better. ♪

♪ ’Cause I got everything I

want. ♪

SHARON: ♪ This is the life,

couldn’t get any better ♪

♪ ’Cause I got everything I

want. ♪

♪ It’s like I’m living in a

fairy tale, pinch me myself to

make sure it’s real. ♪

ADAM: I need it for one

second.

JOSH: It’s mine, okay?

Mine!

HELEN: Can we ever have peace

in this house?

LENA: ♪ ’Cause it’s the only

one I got. ♪

♪ This is the life, couldn’t

get any better. ♪

♪ ’Cause I got everything I

want. ♪

♪ This is the life, couldn’t

get any better. ♪

♪ ’Cause I got everything I

want. ♪

MARIA: I guess you know she’s

coming here to sh**t her next

video.

What?

Yeah, I just heard it on the

radio.

They’ll be picking extras from

the local schools.

Why didn’t you tell me?!

I just heard it, like, an

hour ago.

Oh my god, oh my god, do you

believe it?

Ow!

Sharon?

Sharon?

SHARON: Lena was everything I

wanted to be and suddenly I,

Sharon Spitz, had a chance to

meet her!

She is, like, totally

obsessed with Lena.

How can you tell?

Call it intuition.

Well, how do I look?

Whoa!

Like an idiot.

Tell that nose ring is a clip

on.

Of course!

The extras person could show up

at any time, I have to be

prepared.

Wow, you really are obsessed.

I’m not obsessed.

I’m a serious student of Lena ’s

work.

Her lyrics speak to me on a

profound, emotional level.

Plus she’s got the coolest

clothes in the universe and

she’s got, like, three houses.

Not including her penthouse in

Manhattan.

And, her own line of cruelty

free hair products and she’s

even dated lead singer of Burnt

Rubber.

And her cheek bones are to

die for, and she’s even dated

the lead singer of Vice Grip.

Looks like you’re not the

only serious student of Lena ’s

work.

Poor Sharon, even if they

wanted to, they couldn’t choose

you for the video.

Why not?

The glare from your braces

will smash the camera lens.

Remember what happened on

picture day?

(Flash popping)

(Lens cracking)

(Crying)

(Laughing)

It’s always good to be on the

safe side.

What is with Ms. Vadelli’s

B.O.?

Maybe it’s a medical

condition?

(Gasping)

My clothes, they’re gone!

(Laughing)

Okay, Nina, give them back.

Give what back?

My clothes!

You think, I took your

clothes?

And my clip on nose ring!

I didn’t take your stupid

clothes and I wouldn’t touch

your nose ring, but if you need

something to wear, there’s

always that.

(Laughing)

SHARON: The lost and found

box.

Final resting place for

those hideous clothes

grandparents send at Christmas.

(Chuckling)

It’s not funny.

Who’s laughing?

I found something of yours in

the lost and found box, too.

The bunny sweater your

granny Mildred nit you for

your birthday.

No, no I beg you.

It looks like jelly bean barf!

No, no, ah!!!

Eww, stop!

Stop!

Agrh.

Don’t look know, but here

comes the extras lady.

(Gasping)

(Screaming)

Ah!

(Giggling)

So plain, so ordinary.

How would you two like to be in

a Lena video?

(Gasping)

Braces?!

Even better!

(Gasping)

You two are perfectly average.

They always think dressing like

Lena will work.

(Screaming)

Hurry, Sharon, you don’t want

to be late.

Don’t you look nice.

Very you.

It’s taken me almost two

hours to look like me.

What’s this video about?

Pathetic wannabes?

Joke all you want, Adam, I’m

making a month’s worth of

allowance in one day.

Wow!

Think you can get me an

autograph?

Please, that would be so

uncool, but I’m bringing my

camera.

Sharon, I understand that

there could be a lot of waiting

at these things.

So I’ve packed you some healthy

snacks and some crafts.

Mom, please, crafts?

I’ll be way too busy.

Well, just in case.

Got to run!

I’ll remember you when I’m

famous.

Wow.

Maybe I’ll find out if it’s

true she only bathes in mineral

water.

You think she’s going to take

a bath in front of us?

Or, if she stole money from

her younger sister’s piggy bank?

I read it in the National

Implier.

Check out the chow!

That’s for the cast and crew

only.

Extras are over here.

Wait here until we call you.

When are we going to meet

Lena?

You won’t.

Your footage will be shot

separately.

If I eat this junk, I’ll get

hives for sure.

I didn’t see how the day

could get any worse...

And then it did.

Excuse me.

My dad knows a guy, whose

Lena ’s agent second cousin.

And look where your

connections got you!

My dad also knows that they

are going to use a few featured

extras and they won’t want

anyone perfectly average for

that.

This is so not what I’d

thought I would be.

Yeah, it can get pretty

tedious.

What are you making?

A bracelet, you can make one,

too, if you want?

I’ve got extra beads.

Sure, thanks.

You know, you look a bit like

Lena.

You a stunt double or

something?

Or something.

You’ve got to be more careful

who you talk to Lena.

She could have been a stalker.

Now way, I was talking to

Lena?

She looks so ordinary.

I know, isn’t great?

Underneath it all, she’s just a

normal person like you and me.

Speak for yourself.

We’ll need a few of you to be

featured with Lena in one of

the dance sequences.

What did I tell you?

How about, uh...

Pick me, pick me!

No pick me!

You, and you.

Yes!

And, uh, you.

Yes!

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes--

Ow!

Yes, own, yes!

Wait here until your asked

for.

BOTH: Wow!

More eye shadow, Arleen.

(Squealing)

There she is!

(Groaning)

Hi, I’m Fred, Lena ’s

manager.

Nice to meet you.

Listen up.

Here are the rules.

Don’t get any closer than six

feet to Lena, don’t look her in

the eye, absolutely no photos,

and don’t ask for her autograph.

In fact, don’t even think of

talking to her.

More eye shadow, Arleen.

Fred, it’s enough already.

I don’t want to look so cheap.

Now Lee, the record label

execs are here today.

We need to be on our best

behaviour.

More eye shadow, Arleen.

This is so cool.

You know how that floor looks

like marble?

It’s just paint.

And these pillars are made of

Styrofoam.

It’s all an illusion.

So what if it is?

Lena ’s real life is a dream

come true.

Hi, Sweetie.

Hi, Mom.

Make up, Ruth, make up.

I thought you might be

hungry.

I’m ravenous.

Now, Lena, we all know the

camera adds ten pounds.

Bring our girl some herbal tea.

Fred, she has to eat.

Ruth, you look exhausted.

I’m going to book you a day at

the spa.

How does that sound, hmm?

Imagine being catered to like

that.

By so many people.

Yeah, imagine.

Hop, hop, we need you three

in make up.

Work your magic.

Why do we have to look so awful?

The song is called Rags to

Riches.

You’re the rags, Lena ’s the

riches.

Please take your places.

All right, people, quiet on

the set.

Take it from the top.

(Gasping)

(Farting noise)

Excuse me.

Hey, Bead Girl.

♪ Five to a room, no food on

the table. ♪

♪ I went to work, as soon as I

was able. ♪

FRED: Cut!

(Sighing)

Take two.

♪ Then you came along, saw

the woman inside. ♪

FRED: Cut!

Take fourteen.

♪ Then you came along, saw

the woman inside. ♪

♪ At first I was scared, tried

to run, tired to hide. ♪

FRED: Cut!

(Sighing)

Just one more, honey, they

didn’t get what they needed in

the last seventeen takes.

LENA : ♪ Five to a room, no

food on the table. ♪

♪ I went to work, as soon as I

was able. ♪

♪ Mending and sewing ’till my

fingers would bleed. ♪

♪ Then you came along, saw the

woman inside. ♪

♪ At first I was scared, tried

to run, tried to hide. ♪

♪ But you kept pursuing, your

love was strong. ♪

♪ Finally realized, I couldn’t

go wrong. ♪

♪ I went from rags to riches.

♪ Felt like overnight.

♪ Rags to riches.

♪ Never felt so right.

(Coughing)

FRED: Cut!

(Whispering)

Lee, the label guys have a

slight problem.

What is the problem, here?

He’s allergic to dry ice.

If you could just lose that

particular element.

Oh, we’ll lose a particular

element.

You’re fired.

Connor, I’m so sorry.

Don’t be.

This wasn’t really my thing,

anyway.

(Coughing)

But, I don’t want them

bigger.

Whose making this new CD

possible, Lee?

Holy cleavage!

I don’t care, I feel like I’m

wearing basketballs.

(Grumbling)

Fred, I’m starving, can I take

five?

Now, Lee, time is money.

Let’s get going here.

But my stomach grumbling is

so loud, I can’t even hear

myself sing.

Honey, don’t forget, those

suits made you what you are

today, and they can put you back

where you started, tomorrow.

But--

We’re ready.

♪ Five to a room, no food on

the table. ♪

♪ I went to work, as soon as I

was able. ♪

(Sighing)

FRED: Cut!

Back, people, back!

Give her some air.

I need to take a break.

I love how stars get to throw

hissy fits.

I read, that she once trashed

her hotel room ’cause forgot to

put a chocolate under her

pillow.

SHARON: I had to admit,

things were getting kind of

weird.

It was like everyone but

Lena was running her life.

Guess it wasn’t as perfect as I

thought.

She wasn’t even allowed to eat

like a normal person.

(Crying)

I know, you just have to tell

him, kindly but firmly, that he

can’t have it.

Lena just walked in, I’ve got

to go.

That was Jill.

Fluffy keeps trying to eat the

new pillows that I had

reupholstered.

(Crying)

Lena, sweetheart, what is it?

I miss Fluffy.

After the tour, you’ll have

lots of time with Fluffy.

And I miss Jill.

And Jill misses you.

She says your side of the room

is almost eerie, it’s so tidy.

I hate Fred.

Oh, that I understand.

Listen, you don’t have to do

this.

You can quit anytime you want,

go back to high school, be with

your friends, have dinner with

us every night, sweetie, it’s

all doable.

I know that, I do, but these

chances don’t just come to

anyone, right?

How many people get to have

their life long dream come true?

I’m so lucky, and Fred’s not so

terrible.

I think I’m just cranky because

I’m hungry.

Let me go get you something.

No, I’ll do it.

I need the distraction.

You made your calls.

You sure?

Positive.

Aren’t you supposed to be

booking a spa day?

On Fred’s credit card?

(Clicking)

Come on!

Would you like some veggie

sushi instead?

Oh, it’s you Bead Girl.

Actually, my name is Sharon,

Sharon Spitz.

Did you say that was veggie?

I’m a vegetarian.

Me too!

Mmm, this is great!

Is it true you only bathe in

mineral water?

Oh, dumb, dumb question.

It’s okay, and no I use tap

water like everyone else.

It’s crazy the lies they print

about me, like, trashing my

hotel room over a chocolate?

How ridiculous!

But the worst, was when they

wrote that I stole from my

younger sister.

Uh, you didn’t?

Are you kidding?

I love her and now, I hardly get

to see her.

At least your mom is here.

Yeah, for the weekend.

But hey, that’s the deal I

signed on for, right?

Here, take the rest.

Freeze!

Ow!

Help!

Lena, we have reason to

believe that this girl is a

stalker.

What?

That’s crazy.

She hasn’t stopped staring at

you since she got here.

Now she’s feeding you.

It could be poison for all you

know.

It’s veggie sushi, my mom

made it!

Yeah, come on, she’s a nice

kid.

Lee, you’ve met a lot of nice

people since you’ve become a

star.

They were all after something.

Lena, tell them I’m

different.

Fred, I’m--

Get her out of here!

This is so exciting!

Where’s Sharon?

Ta da!

The star.

Hey, quit following me, you,

you stalker.

(Chuckling)

SHARON: I still can’t believe

that Lena ’s people thought I

was a stalker.

(Clicking)

I mean, do I look like someone

who’s obsessed with fame,

fortune, and celebrity?

Okay, well not anymore.

Hey, don’t hog it all!

♪ At first I was scared, tired

to run, tired to hide. ♪

♪ But kept pursuing, your love

was strong. ♪

♪ Finally realized, I couldn’t

go wrong. ♪

♪ I went from rags to riches.

♪ Felt like overnight.

♪ Rags to riches.

Whoa, were those your braces?

It’s like there’s some kind

of special effect.

Cool.

SHARON: My mom was right.

Money can’t buy happiness.

I mean, even with all those

perks, Lena still seemed

totally miserable.

To me, it looked like all she

wanted were the things that had

been taken away from her.

Her family, her freedom, the

chance to be herself.

Things I already got.

(Laughing)

There’s Nina!

How much body padding do you

think they used on her.

SHARON: I guess being in the

spotlight isn’t all it’s

cracked up to be.

♪ Felt like overnight. ♪

♪