Delivery by Christmas (Jeszcze przed swietami) 2022

[bunniefuu]

[bells jingle]

["Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"
by Bing Crosby playing]

♪ You better watch out
You better not cry ♪

♪ You better not pout
I'm telling you why ♪

♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪

♪ Gather around, he's making a list
He's checking it twice ♪

♪ He's gonna find out
Who's naughty or nice ♪

♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪

♪ He sees you when you're sleeping
He knows when you're awake ♪

♪ He knows if you've been bad or good ♪

-♪ So be good for goodness sake ♪
-♪ So be good for goodness sake ♪

♪ You better watch out
You better not cry ♪

♪ You better not pout
I'm telling you why ♪

♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪

DELIVERY BY CHRISTMAS

♪ Little tin horns little toy drums
Rudy toot-toot and rummy tum-tums ♪

♪ Santa Claus is coming to town ♪

♪ Curly head dolls cuddle and coo ♪

What's up, Maksiu? Is everything okay?

-I have to go.
-[woman ] Oh.

-Gotta go bad? Okay. Let's go inside.
-Mm-hm.

[elevator dings]

[elevator dings]

[soft Christmas music plays in elevator]

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas!

-[automated voice] Merry Christmas.
-[snickers]

[man speaking in Japanese]

[phone calling tone]

-[man ] Hello?
-Yeah, I came to see you.

Oh isn't that nice. What did you want?

Grandpa, you know
grandma promised me that ring.

[Grandpa] So then why
don't you ask her about it?

[sighs] I would, if she were still around.

[door opens]

-Krzysztof, the investors are here.
-Just give me a sec.

-Hello?
-[call disconnects]

Hell! [sighs]

[speaking in Japanese]

[automated voice] Wet is everywhere.
Reach out for others. Be happy.

You're okay on your own?

Meet here when you're done, okay?

[indistinct chatter]

OUT OF ORDER
CLOSEST WC - TH FLOOR

Why are you just standing there?

Uh-huh.

Alright. Fire away.

[indistinct chatter]

-Hi.
-[woman ] Sorry, I'm here.

[woman ] Uh, great.

-Uh, it's all right here.
-[woman ] Uh-huh.

-Put in the code.
-Aah.

-Maks?
-[man grunts]

-Maksiu?
-[grunts]

-[woman ] Oh! No! Uh… [chuckles]
-Looking for me?

Thank you though sir. Uh, Merry Christmas.

-[upbeat music plays]
-[indistinct chatter]

I'm gonna drop by your place tonight, so
don't pretend you're not home this time.

I can hear you shuffling around.

[Grandpa ] You need to stop calling me.

I'm not gonna be able to call the
ambulance if you keep blocking the line.

If you do start dying leave the ring out
for me somewhere. Can you do that for me?

[Grandpa ] I'd sooner shove it up my a*s.
Think you can find it up there?

[shredder whirring]

Shouldn't you be with your mom?

-[sighs nervously]
-[upbeat music continues]

Maks!

-Maksiu? Oh!
-[shredder whirring, beeping]

Keep a better eye on your kid and
not let him go to the bathroom by himself.

Thanks. Thank you for taking care of Maks
while he was in the bathroom. Let's go.

[Maks] Mom, I heard him
say the "F" word, can I say it

-too?
-[flustered] No, no. We don't say that.

[laughs] Merry Christmas, huh?

[shredder whirring]

-[shredder beeping]
-Oh sh*t.

-Uh… something wrong?
-Your son just shredded all my contracts.

I've been working on them for three
days now, it was for a huge transaction.

Uh…

-[woman ] I can't believe--
-[frustrated sigh]

[woman ] I'm really sorry.

Um, you pick up
things professionally, right?

[lively music plays]

[bell rings]

-Hello?
-I'm here for a pick-up. For Krzysztof.

Hm, some guy… wearing a suit.

Said that you had something for him.

Then you can give him my regards

and tell him to leave me alone.

He said it was something really important.

If it's that important
to my grandson, why isn't here?

Ah, some trouble at work.

I didn't really ask too many questions.

He said it was a matter of life and death.

Please forgive me.

-Actually I do have something to give him.
-Hm.

Come in.

Aah, that's Wilhelm.
A member of the family.

He spent more time with my wife than
I did, so I decided to immortalize him.

Mom, a frigate! Wow a clipper! These are
the fastest sailing ships in the world!

[Grandpa] Oh yeah, I sailed
around the whole world on that one there.

-[Grandpa] Could you help me wrap this up?
-[Mak's mom] Sure.

[opera music playing]

[Mak's mom] And this is
for Krzysztof, right?

[Grandpa ] Oh yeah, it's his.
He really likes this stuff.

-When are you bringing it to him?
-Delivery by Christmas.

[Mak's mom] Our company policy.

Maks!

Thank you. have a goodnight.

Ahoy!

[lively music plays]

[indistinct chatter]

-What's that?
-Nothing. I'm delivering it on my way.

-Pst!
-[pleasantly surprised] Hmm.

[in French] Mademoiselle Coco de Chanel.
Thank you.

Kama, shouldn't Maks'
present be here already?

The guys were supposed to
redirect it but I don't see it.

[in English] Don't worry,
not everyone's returned yet.

Hey mom.

-[Kama laughs] Look who we have here.
-[Mak's mom laughs]

[indistinct chatter]

-One, two, one. Welcome.
-[Kama] He's giving a speech.

[man ] Uh… um, uh,
I want to welcome all employees.

As you know, it's Christmas Eve, um…

Uh, this is… the time to
sum up everything we've done this year.

And, uh… and
I've been with you for a few weeks

now, so thank you all
for putting your trust in me.

-[microphone feedback]
-[man chuckles nervously]

Of course trust is important. It's the
core of every-- That's not me. Let me uh…

-[microphone feedback]
-[man ] Wait.

[chuckles nervously] I make sure
to take care of my core. Um…

As you can see in the statistics…

uh, Christmas Eve is for miracles.

And that's why I wanted to
wish each of you the very best.

[exhales]

So I would also like to say, um…

-as uh…
-[crowd clapping]

-As, um… I-- [clears throat]
-[cheering]

[indistinct chatter]

-[male voice] Now imagine a lion…
-[growls]

You are someone who
always gets what you want.

No one's been able to figure out
that PA system, so don't worry.

Just come back.

The director has
no time to party. [clears throat]

He has to boost morale.

Mm-hm. Um… [clicks tongue]

They're certainly
filled with plenty of it.

They don't like me.

Beginnings are always hard.

And… you don't have to
be a lion the whole time.

Besides, there's definitely
someone who likes you.

In there or somewhere else.

[gasps]

Are you crazy?

Wh-- What was that for?

You're the one who came on to me.

That's not what I was doing. I just--

I… I felt sorry for you.

[sighs]

[male voice] A lion who
always gets what he wants.

Sometimes, a lion
may end up blinded by his success.

-But not you.
-[growls]

Because you have the heart of a lion.

[growls]

[laughs maliciously]

[groans]

-[computer humming]
-[keyboard pattering]

We'll see… who feels sorry tomorrow.

[machine whirring]

[groans]

[Mak's mom sighs]

And… there you go. Here, here, here.

There honey.

[sighs]

[soft music plays]

[kissing sound]

-[woman ] Hi butterfly.
-Beautiful night.

Oh, you're out too.

[woman laughs]

Can I drop off Maks with you tomorrow?
For two, three hours?

[woman ] Graża! With wet hair
and no panties

out in the cold.

-Cover yourself up please.
-[laughs]

[both laughing]

-All good?
-[Maria] Very good.

-Never been better.
-Finish that cigarette and come inside.

-[laughs] Okay, bye.
-Graża!

-[door shuts]
-[soothing music plays]

TH DECEMBER

-[alarm beeping]
-[Maria moaning]

[groans]

["It Looks A Lot Like Christmas"
by Bob Saker and Bill Connor playing]

♪ It looks a lot like Christmas to me ♪

♪ Though I can see
Where you might disagree ♪

♪ For we're miles away from where ♪

♪ In some festive thoroughfare ♪

♪ There are seasonal delights
And lots of pretty colored lights ♪

♪ But it looks like Christmas from here… ♪

-[Maria] I have a package here for Mirek.
-He's my son. I'll take it.

[Maria] Oh, and Merry Christmas
and have a happy New Year.

♪ …Holly or mistletoe
There's a kind of magic ♪

♪ I can really see ♪

♪ It looks a lot like Christmas to me… ♪

[yelps, groans]

♪ Though there's no carol singing ♪

♪ Not a single jingle bell ringing ♪

-Good morning. Delivery.
-Oh.

You got something for me?

-Have a good day.
-Goodbye.

♪ A choir and a big brass band and ♪

♪ Looks a lot like Christmas from here ♪

-Good morning.
-Yeah, is that it? Excellent.

-Did you have any problem getting it?
-Nope. No problem.

-[woman ] Oh! Good morning.
-Good morning.

Uh, in that case, let me grab the--

-No, there's no need to. Happy--
-No, wait. I just need to grab my wallet.

-[groans] Looks like I'm out of cash.
-[chuckles]

Don't worry about it. Goodbye.

-[phone calling tone]
-[sniffs]

-[Grandpa ] Hello?
-What did you just send me?

Exactly what my grandson
deserves. Don't you like it?

[call disconnects]

[keyboard pattering]

[sensual music playing from laptop]

[festive music plays]

♪ And it looks a lot
Like Christmas to me ♪

♪ It looks a lot like Christmas
Looks a lot like Christmas to me ♪

-Then auntie Gienia poured in the flour.
-Mm-hm.

Maybe we decorate the Christmas tree.

Cause Graża told me
that the dough was very sticky,

and it'll stick to everything.

She said that
the worst thing that can happen

is when you stick to something that
you shouldn't because then you're stuck.

Maks, wash your hands for me please.

Uh…

Mom, what about the present?

What about your present?

[Maria grunts]

-Did you write a letter to Santa Claus?
-I did not.

Hmm.

Then I'll write one for you.
What do you want for Christmas?

I have everything I need.
I've got you, and a job.

Come on, mom,
there has to be something you want.

I want…

[grunts]

Oh! The Christmas plan.

No, come on. What comes first?

-So?
-Tree decorating.

That's exactly right.

[sighs] Zbyszek, move over.

Zbyszek, Zbyszek.

[phone ringing]

[yells] Mom, phone!

-[phone ringing]
-[shower running]

-Hello?
-[Krzysztof] Maks, is that you?

We peed together yesterday, remember?

Can you put your mom on the phone for me?

She's busy right now.

[Krzysztof] Listen… Wait,
where's your Mom?

-She's here.
-Where is here?

[knock on door]

Uh… Merry Christmas to you and your son.

-Why are you here?
-Um, yeah, um…

I got the wrong package.
Whatever's in here isn't mine.

Well, we don't always get what we want.

You don't understand
how important this is.

-Um…
-[uneasy music plays]

Excuse me, but how
did you even find out where I live?

You have a very intelligent child.
Can you hurry up and get your uniform?

There's work you need to do.

Don't you know
it's Christmas Eve? It's my day off.

[sighs]

-Are you not going to fix this?
-Come on, it's Christmas!

[huffs]

-[phone ringing]
-Uh-- Oh!

-Hi, Kama!
-[Kama] Maria, this is a huge disaster.

I just found out that
a client got the wrong package.

Uh-huh.

I checked the system and it turns out
that all your deliveries were screwed up.

What do you mean screwed up?

[Kama] It means that each and everyone of
your packages went to the wrong address.

Including a particular
present that you got for…

Ka-- Kama, Kama,
you're on a speaker phone right now.

[Kama] Well you know,
your important package.

[dramatic music plays]

[groans] No! sh*t.

-That's a bad word.
-[Maria] How did this happen?

[Kama] Well, Christmas is for miracles.

[groans] Where would his present even be?

[Kama] I don't know but…

Probably at one of the four
addresses you made deliveries to.

Listen Maria, you'll have
to go there yourself to find them.

[sighs] I'll take care of it.
Talk to you later.

[Kama] Okay, talk soon.

Ready for the next thing?

Maksiu…

CHRISTMAS EVE MAP MAKING GINGERBREAD

[anticipatory music plays]

-[clears throat] Finally.
-I'm sorry, what?

-Apology accepted. We should go.
-"We"?

[sighs] Deliver this to the right person

and you can go get me my package.

-Why did you just cross my name out?
-[Maria] This is your address,

this is my address.

These are ours
so I have three addresses left.

You need to get mine as soon as possible.

[scoffs] I could've guessed.

[Maria] The labels… Who did this?

Alright.

I don't need your help.

I doubt that.

-Please get out.
-Just drive the van.

I don't even know you.

Krzysztof.

-[scoffs]
-[engine starts]

[anticipatory music playing]

[Krzysztof] Shouldn't you have
a route that is closer to where you live?

This isn't mine, I'm covering for someone.

[sighs]

[Krzysztof] You're low on gas.

-It's diesel.
-Yeah, sure, but you're running low.

That? That's just the gauge. It's broken.

So then… how do you know how much is left?

Uh, so today is Friday,
I got a refill on Wednesday,

No, uh, no. It was on Monday.

-So I don't think, we'll run out today.
-You don't think we'll run out?

How do you know for sure?

It's like when you soft-boil eggs. You
just know when you gotta take them out.

Nuh-uh.

-That's not at all how you soft-boil eggs.
-Whatever, it's all intuition, okay?

[Krzysztof] Your intuition.

Because of your intuition, we're
freaking stuck in the middle of nowhere.

I'll have to work to get you gas.

-It's diesel.
-While farm dogs will bark and chase us.

-So, you're afraid of dogs?
-That's not what I'm saying!

You need to plan.

You have to be prepared
and think through everything.

Mm-hm. I've got a plan.
I'm prepared for anything to happen.

I'm sure you do.

Am I sitting on some kind
of seat-warmer or something?

Oh, uh, you're sitting on my hairdryer.

Is this part of your plan?

You… You've got an entire…
bathroom in here.

Mm-hmm.

That's how I keep things interesting
around here, you know? Keep it exciting.

Okay, fine, I get it.

[Krzysztof] Where are we going?

A FEW HOURS EARLIER

-[knife sharpening]
-[theatrical music playing over radio]

[woman humming]

[yells] Michał! Can you get that?

[sighs]

-[Maria] I have a package here for Mirek.
-He's my son. I'll take it.

Oh and Merry Christmas
and have a Happy New Year.

[woman ] It's from some Milena.
Maybe it's some kind of gift.

Definitely a present. Mm-hm.

I'll open it
and put it under the tree. Mm?

[Michal grunts]

[Michal grunting]

He's a grown-a*s adult

and you're snooping through his stuff?

Honey,

I think I'm seeing things.

[soulful music plays]

You're seeing things just fine, Mariola.

[soulful music playing]

There you go, a gas station.

But you'd prefer
to risk it wouldn't you, huh?

Okay fine we can stop. Just for you.

Fill her up.

[bird cawing]

-What? Fill who up?
-You wanted more fuel, so do it.

[grunting]

Why? Huh…

-Merry Christmas.
-Yeah.

Let me help you.

Go on, grab the end there.
I'll pull it out.

Thanks.

-The hose is too short.
-Don't worry about it.

If you pass it to me under the car,

-I'll grab it from you.
-I'm not doing that. No way.

It's Christmas,
it pays to be nice to other people.

-[Krzysztof] Can you move the car?
-[whispers] Jesus.

[Krzysztof] Drive it around.

-What a piece of work.
-Excuse me?

Who's a piece of work?

She's the one who can't park properly,

so I… I'm supposed to
drag the hose under the car?

Here. You can fill her up.

Go do it yourself.

[Krzysztof grunts] Okay. Alright.

[grunting]

["Home for the holidays"
by Liz Bojanic and Danny Tieger playing]

♪ Take me home for the holidays ♪

♪ Don't wanna go our seperate ways ♪

♪ Me without you… ♪

-[woman ] Hello there.
-Welcome.

Uh, our uncle got a hold of it,

and it's for my nephew, Jaś.
He's only four.

Is there a way to replace this?

[toy whirring]

[inaudible conversation]

All right.
Uh, no point in struggling with this.

[woman ] Ah.

-This one shouldn't have the same problem.
-[chuckles] Thank you.

You're welcome. Merry Christmas!

-[woman ] Thank you.
-Please come back soon.

-Goodbye.
-[woman ] Goodbye!

[gasps] Hey there, dad.

Uh, why are you here? [chuckles]

You weren't picking up your phone.

Well, I'm at work. Did…

Did something happen?

Um…

[hesitates]

So who's Milena?

She's a friend from work. What's up?

Well… you received a package…

from that…

Just look. It's from
that girl, uh, Milena.

HI DADDY!

[laughs]

-This is some kind of joke. It has to be.
-[Michal] Mirek,

-you have to take this seriously.
-But dad, it's not possible.

[dramatic music plays]

Take this. Come on, take one.
Your blood sugar is probably plummeting.

-Take it.
-[dazed] Just… just wait here a sec.

-Wait here, I'll go ask.
-But Mirek, there's nothing to ask! Mirek!

-[rustling]
-[Milena gasps]

Oh, it's you.

-You're smoking?
-Yeah.

[Mirek grunts]

What's got you so scared?

Um…

-I got your--
-[man ] I f*cking hate Christmas so much!

I was moving some unicorns around
and some kid came and bit me.

[Milena laughs]

I got that surprise gift that you sent me.

-Ooh!
-Can I get one?

Oh. And? Did you like it?

Was kind of at a loss for words.

-Was it that Halloween party?
-Mm-hm.

Can I get rabies?

[Milena] I get off
in a little bit, so maybe

we should talk about it. [snickers]

Drop by my place.

-We definitely need to talk.
-[Milena laughs]

f*ck, I hate kids.

Don't worry you'll heal.

-[sighs]
-[Milena laughs]

THE COUNTER SHOULD SHOW ZERO

[Krzysztof groans]

-All right, I'll pay. How much is it?
-You wanted it filled up.

Uh, liters.

Diesel! You were
supposed to fill it with diesel.

[forlorn music plays]

♪ Never too soon ♪

♪ Always too late ♪

♪ I just want to see you… ♪

-Merry Christmas young lady.
-Thanks, you too.

♪ Oh here are the carols ♪

♪ And the cheers
Cause it's always christmas… ♪

Not much of a reserve.

[engine rumbling]

[steam hissing]

Yeah, you'll have to
start cleaning up after yourself.

Your pants are so crinkly.

Your grandparents are waiting.

What a beautiful Christmas tree.
Did you decorate it yourself, Mirek?

Uh…

-Me and mom, like every year, Grandma.
-[laughs]

So then my darlings, we should
tell each other what we wished for.

Oh. Well… [chuckles]

-When will she be here?
-She who?

-Lady friend of Mirek's.
-A special friend I assume?

She's from work, Grandma. I gave her the
address but I don't think she's coming.

So then, tell us about her. Come on!

-[Grandma] Tell us.
-Well, we don't know each other very well.

-[Grandma] Oh?
-[Mirek] We've… only spoken a few times.

And?

I don't really know
how this even happened.

You knocked up a girl
and you don't know how it happened.

Our boy's having a baby?!

-[Grandma] Mirek's expecting a baby?
-[Grandpa exclaims]

-[squeals] When is it due?
-[Mirek] No, I…

I mean, I don't know when it happened.

[Mirek] Um…

Maybe I can still get out of this.

[Mirek's mom] Excuse me?

What does he mean "get out of this"?

[muffled speech]

[bell rings]

Excuse me.

[bell rings]

-[hesitates]
-Why don't you just talk to him?

-[Mirek's mom] We'll both talk. Uh…
-[Michal clears throat]

-Well… Mirek, go.
-What do I even say to her?

-You should tell her…
-Yeah?

-[quirky music plays]
-What would you usually say?

-What would you usually say?
-Jesus Christ.

But from the heart. [fake laugh]

[Michal] Just tell her
everything will be fine.

[Mirek's mom] You'll always be at her side
and that you'll come up with a plan.

[Michal] After all, you work
in a toy store, so you can bring the kid…

-tons of stuffed animals.
-Hm.

[Mirek's mom] And since you
still live with us, we'll help you.

[bell ringing insistently]

[Maria] Uh, um, hello, sir. I'm sorry,
but I delivered a package this morning

and there was a problem
at the sorting office. They incorrectly

labeled your package.

The packages got switched.
This one is actually yours.

Do you still happen to
have that package from this morning?

-That one wasn't meant for me?
-[Maria] No, no. [chuckles] I'm sorry sir.

Uh…

Let me go and get it.

[relieved sigh] Thank you so much sir.

-No, thank you. Uh…
-[Maria] Have a good day. Happy Holidays.

Merry Christmas.

Goodbye. [wary sigh]

[relieved sigh]

[sighs] There is no baby.

Where is it then?

The courier made a mistake.
You were worried for nothing.

[wary chuckle]

-There won't be a baby?
-Pass the herring.

[engine starts]

[Maria sighs]

-Uh, this isn't it.
-[scoffs]

Put on your seatbelt.

A FEW HOURS EARLIER

-Good morning. Delivery.
-Oh.

You got something for me?

-[Maria] Have a good day.
-Goodbye.

This is from Estera?

[man] Their sensitive noses are retracted
to enhance their ability to smell.

Their long eyelashes help protect
their eyes from sharp thorns.

At almost half a meter long,

-it behaves like a long, flexible finger.
-Hm.

The dark complexion of their tongue
protects it from the sunlight.

Giraffes can handle almost any prickle.

They're not even afraid of eating
cactus which are a species brought over…

Did you know the most
stunning giraffes are in Botswana.

[man] Their saliva contains
an antibacterial substance,

so there's no risk of oral infections.

Muscles located in their throat
also protect them from injury

if they swallow a thorn or barb.

A little one encountering a cactus for the

first time. Is it edible?

Would he decide to give it a try.

He's not quite sure.

Estera, you're going to get cold.

Honey, cover up.

Every morning, these giants
wake up and travel from tree to tree.

And at noon,
they settle in for their daily nap.

They're so graceful.

[intriguing music plays]

[soulful music plays from radio]

[clears throat]

[music cuts off]

So listen, you're not…
the only one missing a package.

Mine's missing too.
It's a present for Maksiu.

A model hand-painted sailing ship.
It was very hard to get hold of.

I feel pretty bad for the kid.

Yeah, and it cost me half my paycheck.

A kid should be loved,
not bought off with expensive presents.

Thank you sir,
you have certainly opened my eyes.

-You're compensating for something.
-Why do you even care?

You don't have to say it, but I know.

Know what?

[deep sigh]

I know all about women like you.

Independent,

lonely with plenty of emotional baggage.

You got any other advice for me?

Maybe you should try a little harder.

-My tail pipe's missing.
-What?

I saw it wobbling. It might
have fallen off. I need you to check it.

-Me?
-It's in the back.

[indicator ticking]

[sighs]

What a mess of junk.

[teary] as*h*le.

[soulful music playing from radio]

[sighs]

[man ] Is that dress new?

Do you like it?

-Yeah, it looks nice.
-That's all?

-[Estera] The tailor said it was perfect.
-[man ] Hm.

-But I don't really know.
-You said he was a good craftsman.

Didn't you even want to get him a present?

I did.

He makes such beautiful things
for others, but he himself is…

hmm…

so reserved.

[grunts]

Need help?

Move your hair.

[soft music playing from speakers]

-[music cuts off]
-[fabric rips]

[gasps]

Oh, thank you.

Leaving now? It's still kind of early.

My seam just ripped.

I wanted to see
if the tailor was still open.

[despairing music plays]

[sobbing]

[phone vibrating]

[sighs]

How's the tailpipe?

You left me out here alone.

I spaced out. Are you coming?

[sniffs]

[coughs]

Your phone went off or something.

Try not to get my upholstery all dirty.

Okay. Maybe we should get going.

-It's already four.
-I forgot I gotta pick up Maks.

-What?
-He's at his aunties.

What? Where is he?

My kid is over at my neighbors,

but they're going out
so I have to get him.

Okay.

Hm. Yeah.

[bell jingles]

Hello, Estera.

I got your present this morning.

It surprised me.

Well, we've known each other for so long,
it felt like maybe it was time to…

drop the formalities between each other.

You're right.

Mm, oh! A seam gave out.

[relaxing music plays]

[relaxing music playing]

I got your message clearly.

You're a beautiful woman, Estera and if…

if you're ready to give this a try…

[chuckles nervously]

then me too.

Um… I just came here to get my seam fixed.

[machine whirring, squeaking]

♪ It's the ♪

♪ Time again, silence away… ♪

Here.

[both breathing deeply]

♪ …Am I the only one
Who's feeling blue at Christmas ♪

♪ Snow's falling in my heart ♪

♪ I'm so cold
Feels like I'm falling apart ♪

♪ I know the feeling being blue ♪

[sighs breathily]

♪ Well that's the ♪

-Just wait here, I'll be back.
-Okay.

[phone calling tone]

[clears throat]

-Honey hey.
-Krzysztof, you're supposed to be home.

Well… yeah. I know, Zuzia, but let's
not do this over the phone right now.

-Everything's almost ready. Where are you?
-Yeah. Where am I?

I'm lost. I mean I'm lost
in all of my work at the moment.

[Zuzia] You promised me
you wouldn't be late.

-I know.
-Mom and Granny are already here.

This is important to me.
When will you be back?

[sighs] Yeah. I'll be there
in half an hour, sweetheart.

Thank you for watching him.
Have fun tonight.

[Graża sighs tiredly] No.

Another year with the family,
I'm so excited.

-[Maria chuckles]
-It's that cheesecake won't eat itself.

-Get in the car.
-[Graża] Mm-hm.

Bye. [laughs]

[Maria breathes deeply]

[Maria humming]

Hey mom…

-Yeah, honey?
-Gotta poop.

[mischievous music plays]

Oh, f*ck it.

-[engine starts]
-[mischievous music continues]

Okay.

[tires squeaking]

It's a big holiday
and my first time on patrol.

Yeah.

With the city empty and no one in
the shops, thieves are having a field day.

But we aren't near any shops right now.

-[policewoman] There's nothing here.
-[animal howls]

POLICE

Should I clean the windshield?
[chuckles] I'll do that.

It's such a cool task.

-[quirky music plays]
-[windshield squeaking]

We used to drive cars that had…

-no ventilation in them.
-Mm-hm.

Models from ', ', '.

Oh, that's the same year I was born.

[anticipatory music plays]

[policewoman humming]

Hard to stay focused
on a day like this, isn't it?

-[sighs]
-[car driving by]

Look!

[van squeaking]

[siren blaring]

[knocking on car]

Officer Bogdan Kolenda,
doing a road check.

-Your papers, please.
-Yeah.

[quirky music plays]

[clears throat]

Uh… Here. [chuckles]

Excuse me, can we do this fast? I can pay
the ticket, so you can just give it to me.

-Who owns this vehicle?
-Me.

-Maria Kwiecień?
-No. I mean… mean

Yes. Jan Maria Kwiecień.
That's my full name.

Yeah, it was too long to fit
the whole thing on the registration.

Okay, so…

How much?

[laughs]

-He thinks he can pay us off.
-Officer, I'm not trying to do that.

Sir, are you aware that your car's
technical inspection is overdue?

[clears throat] Yeah.

Of course it's overdue.

-Well, if I can be frank,
-Mm-hm.

-I don't really own this vehicle.
-Oh!

-Whose is it?
-It's my friends.

A distant friend. Really she's pretty much
a complete stranger, you understand?

How much?

Sir, this car is getting impounded.

Please wait right here
while we contact our headquarters.

[policewoman scoffs]

[policeman] He asks "how much?"

f*ck me.

POLICE

-Hello? Hello?
-[static buzzing]

-I think it's broken.
-You gotta press the button harder.

-Ooh.
-[radio beeps]

- here, come in .
-[radio beeps]

That guy definitely stole that car.
We have to arrest him.

-[excitedly] So that's his game?
-Jesus.

-[policewoman laughs]
-[siren blaring]

-I think I see him.
-Oh yeah, yeah.

-I lost him.
-Go to the right!

-Not left here?
-No, no, right, right.

-What's that? That right there.
-What?

-That's a trash can. Yeah, right there.
-Really? You sure?

Now I see it.

[Maria panting]

[Krzysztof] Hey. You were
blocking somebody

so I had to move your van.

-[Maria] What is this?
-[Krzysztof] What?

[Krzysztof] Oh, it was
like that this morning.

-Remember? It was loose.
-Maks, get in, okay? It's warm inside.

You totally wrecked my van!

Don't worry, Maria, I can call a cab.
We don't have any time.

You're not getting
into this van ever again.

You don't mean that.

[angrily] Don't you dare.

It has been the worst day of my life.

I have to take the subway to work,
I couldn't even park a bike if I tried.

And I've been a real as*h*le all day.

[sighs] I think we got
off on the wrong foot, Maria.

-[solemn music plays]
-I'm sorry about today.

Is he coming too?

-[sniffs]
-I don't know yet.

I was planning on… proposing today,
but it seems like nothing is going right.

Well, I can't argue with that.

Before she died, my grandma promised me

that grandpa would give me the ring
for luck when I wanted to get married.

I really need that luck right now.

[sad music playing]

Come on.

Don't make me regret this.

[Maks] Mom, will there be
presents when we get back home?

Of course, honey.

I'm starting to get hungry. Can I have
one of those emergency gummy bears?

Sorry, Maks, but uh… I already ate them.

-[Maria sighs]
-[Krzysztof] I have a candy bar.

I don't like raisins.

Then… I'll eat the raisins for you.

-Okay?
-Mm-hm.

-Stop! Stop the car! Turn off the lights.
-What?

-[Krzysztof] k*ll-- k*ll the engine.
-[Maria] What? What's going on?

-Maria, the police are right there.
-Why should I care?

You know you're overdue for an inspection.

-[Krzysztof clears throat]
-[grunts] How do you know that?

I looked in uh, your
glove compartment cause I was bored.

Maks, hide.

[Maria sighs]

I'm really sorry about all this sweetie.

I'll try to make this up to you, okay?

[Maks] Mom, but this is so
much better than regular Christmas!

Hm.

[engine starts]

POLICE

[Maria] What's that?

Are they leaving?

You're sticking out!

-So?
-Get down.

[Maks] Hey, what are you doing?
They left already.

[Krzysztof and Maria groan]

[lively music plays from speakers]

[muttering]

[tranquil music plays]

-[Michal coughs]
-Michał?

Hm?

[music cuts off]

-What are you doing there?
-[sighs]

The carburettor.

[Michal grunts]

Sometimes I think
that you come here to hide from me.

[thoughtfully] No.

I was actually happy
there was gonna be a baby.

Maybe it's for the best.

The boy needs to grow up.
It will happen in its own time.

[soothing music plays]

The only thing
that grows on its own is rust.

-[Mirek groans]
-[Michal] This is for your own good Mirek.

[Mirek's mom] You're going to be fine.

-But why today?
-Why not? There will never be a good time.

Maksiu, just this last place
and we're done, okay?

-Should I go too?
-If you want.

[Krzysztof] No one's home.

It is Christmas Eve.

Just… hold on. We need to get
Maks' gift and your lucky charm.

-Come on, there's a light on. Alright.
-[Krzysztof sighs]

Uh, give me a boost.

-How?
-Just crouch down.

Okay. Get on.

[Maria grunts]

-Stop! Stop wiggling around. Oh God.
-[Maria] Then stay still. Stay still.

-[Krzysztof grunts]
-[laughs] Don't drop--

-[Krzysztof] This isn't funny actually!
-Turn around okay. But you keep

tickling me.

-[Krzysztof] Oh are you ticklish? Where?
-[Maria] On my thighs.

-Oh? Your thighs feel ticklish?
-[Maria laughs] They do! Stop!

-[yelps]
-[Krzysztof laughs]

-[Maria] Oh come on, stop.
-[Krzysztof] Hurry up.

-Oh, Merry Christmas. [chuckles]
-Merry Christmas.

This is the correct package.

And… this package helped me
open the heart of a wonderful woman.

Have you two been together long?

-Us? No.
-[snickers]

-[chuckles] No. Him?
-No, I think we have a misunderstanding.

Misunderstandings can sometimes
lead to the start of wonderful things.

[gentle music plays]

[Estera] I should get going.

[tailor sighs]

-[Maria grunts]
-Okay.

[Maria sighs]

Just need to open it
and Zuzia will be all yours.

-This wasn't supposed to be the ship.
-No, I still have to find it.

-Then what's this?
-Mm… your lucky charm.

-This is a lucky charm?
-For luck, yeah.

This was supposed to be
my grandmother's ring for Zuzia.

Ooh, we must have…
misunderstood each other then.

Woah, wait, [splutters] what…
what was there to misunderstand?

I don't know. Maybe he thought
that this would… would do you more good.

[laughs] Sorry, that was a joke.

-I'm sorry.
-No, no, no. This has to be wrong.

Somewhere there has to be another
package. It got… mixed up? I don't know.

I was with your grandpa
when he wrapped it.

And you couldn't bother to tell me
I've been chasing a p*nis the whole time?

How would I know
it was supposed to be a ring?

Have you ever seen someone
get proposed to with a huge massive c*ck?

[laughs] I'm sorry, but I really thought
it was plausible when I got it from him.

[laughing]

[both laughing]

No…

This Christmas should've been special.

And it is.

[peaceful music plays]

[bell rings]

-[intercom buzzes]
-[boy ] It's Santa, it's Santa!

Hello?

You see? It's not Santa. Just some chick
and a dude here to sell us some wafers.

Uh, hello,
do your parents happen to be in?

[boy ] Mom's flight got canceled,

dad went somewhere uh, on a repair.

I'm the oldest one here.

Uh, I'm from the courier company. I left
a package at your door this morning.

-Do you have it?
-Come on in. I'll give my dad a call.

Yeah, after you.

What do you want me to say?

Uh…

Nothing. You're in luck,
it seems the gift ended up

in the right hands.
Uh, but this is for you too.

[girl ] Oh, this says it's from mom.

[Maria groans] Oh no, goddammit.

No, not now, just a little bit further.

-We ran out of gas?
-[scoffs] Diesel.

[brakes squeak]

-Uh, is there a station nearby?
-It's up there, but it's pretty far away.

Okay.

-[phone calling]
-[Kama] Hello.

-Kama?
-Hi.

I'm sorry to bother you tonight,
but I just ran out of diesel.

Could you send someone to meet me?

-[Kama] Uh, sure.
-Hello?

Seriously!

Maybe I should call
a taxi to take us home.

[phone calling]

I'm on hold, there's music playing.

-Screw it, I'm gonna take him home.
-What are we screwing?

Really? Uh…

I live over there.

I screwed up Maks' Christmas Eve,
I can at least get him into bed.

Can you lock up the van?

I can carry Maks.

[wistful music plays]

[Krzysztof grunts]

[Krzysztof] Could you take
the fertility god out of my pocket?

[Maria] Why? Is it uncomfortable?

[Maria sighs]

[Maria sighs]

-Okay. We'll put him in there.
-His

-jacket.
-Oh, leave it.

[Krzysztof grunts]

[Krzysztof] And what about his present?

I don't know. I'll give him something
to hold him over till I get him a new one.

And I'll tell him
that the ship isn't here…

because Santa's reindeer
got a hernia, so he's running late.

[chuckles]

We can't always get what we want, huh?

Hold on a second.

[Krzysztof] You know what…

uh, you're probably exhausted
at this point and I'm not um…

FOR FOREVER

My feet have been wet for an hour, I'm…

For Zuzia.

I can't.

Give it to Zuzia.

No, no, I'm sorry. I can't accept this.

Well, it's not from
your grandma, but it's nice.

It's just gathering dust in there.
I've no one I'm giving it to.

You'll propose, it'll be great.

All of your friends will come and say
"Wow what an incredible couple".

-[mock shudder]
-[laughs]

It'll be so sweet
that it'll make you sick.

[wistful music playing]

[inhales] Go. You have
somewhere you need to be.

Thank you.

TH DECEMBER

[knock on door]

-Hi.
-[Krzysztof] Hey, kid. May I?

[Krzysztof] Oh. Um…

Is your mom in?

[Maks] No.

Huh-uh.

Okay.

-[anticipatory music plays]
-[groans]

SEVERAL HOURS EARLIER

[Graża] Who's the new man Maria?

[chuckles]

We saw him as he was leaving.

-You not bragging about him? He's a cutie.
-Uh, his hair looked kind of weird.

-[Graża laughs]
-No, that… That was no one.

[Gienia] Aah! So then you don't have any…

-plans for the rest of the night?
-[gasps]

-[Graża] And we have some cheesecake left.
-[cackles]

-Come over. Come!
-[Graża laughs]

[Graża laughing] Let's go.

[Gienia] So, I tell him that
it doesn't matter what you call it.

I don't know what to either. [chuckles]

But ever since we started living together,

it's been the most
incredible time in my life.

Here's to you both!

[knock on door]

Are you expecting someone?

[Maria] Kama? [giggles] Come in! Come in.

-You're alive.
-I sure am.

-[Kama] Oh good.
-That's Kama.

-Why weren't you answering your phone?
-[gasps]

-I was totally freaking out.
-Sorry! I completely forgot I called you.

Well, here's your gift. [chuckles]

-What's that?
-Diesel.

[soothing piano music playing]

[man ] I promise you this is the year I'm
going. I've already planned everything.

First I take a plane to Malawi, travel
along the Zambezi, then to Botswana.

-Oh! Botswana? Mm-hm.
-Hm. The wildest place on the planet.

-That'll be my resolution, for New Year.
-[laughs] Good luck!

Every year he makes the same promise.

Speaking of, what about
New Year's Eve? Doing anything?

I plan to have sex all night long.

[couple laughing]

We have plans? I don't… remember.

[man ] With the tailor?

I want to feel like I'm still alive, Eryk.

[scoffs]

[sighs deeply]

So, what now?

Our life wasted.

You've always wanted to go and travel.

But you never did.

Go.

Go see those giraffes,
antelopes, maybe meerkats.

[grunts]

-You think I should?
-I love you and just want you to be happy.

[sighs] And you?

I'm going to have another dress made.

[snickers]

[lively music playing from radio]

[grandpa grunts]

[laughs] Hm.

[somber music plays]

[Milena] Oh, hey! There you are!

I got off the bus and went to your place
there but you had left already and…

[laughs]

-My parent's place is over there.
-Oh.

Huh.

You invited me
over to your parent's place?

-[laughs]
-Well, I live…

I mean… I lived with my parents.

Oh.

Milena, what exactly did you send me, huh?

Oh, so you haven't even watched it yet?

[sensual music plays]

Dude, you bet me
I wouldn't go through with it and I did.

[chuckles] Now you have to do what I want.

[both laughing]

[man yells drunkenly] Maria!

Maria!

[man sings] ♪ I wish you a Merry
Christmas, wish you a Merry Christmas ♪

♪ I wish you a Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year ♪

[yells] Maria!

[slurring] ♪ Oh, bring
Us some figgy pudding ♪

♪ Oh, bring us some figgy pudding ♪

♪ Oh, bring us some figgy pudding ♪

♪ And uh… bring ♪

-[Maria] Hey. Hey. Hey!
-[clears throat]

-Why are you here?
-Look… looking for you.

Shouldn't you be home right now?

Uh… I don't have a home.

I still live with my parents.

I'm all alone.

-Come on. Easy now!
-Careful now, watch it.

-That's it, let's go.
-Let's go. Let's… go.

-[Kama] Come on. Argh.
-I've lived with my parents for…

-for years.
-[Kama] Okay. This way.

[Maria] Let's just sit and talk about it.

-[Kama] Sometimes that's just life.
-[sighs]

-[Kama] Let's go.
-Maria…

[Kama] Sit down. Here.

-Maria please.
-[Maria] What?

-I need to tell you something.
-Say it then.

-Come on.
-I switched the labels on your packages.

Why would you switch the labels?

Cause… cause I'm a lion.

[howls]

-[grunts]
-[animal howls]

That thing you and I had…

that was fire.

-Are you serious?
-When you suddenly left me…

I know you think
I could get any woman if I wanted to,

but I can't.

I'm sorry.

[soft music plays]

You just get what
it means to have no one in the world.

[sighs]

[groans]

Uh, I happen to meet
Santa in the parking lot.

He asked about you and said
that the … the reindeer had a uh…

had a hernia.

-Your mom told you, right?
-My mom said that he hurt his hoof.

Yeah. Right, he had a bad hoof.

So he… didn't have time to wrap this.

For you.

[opera music plays]

[door bell dings]

[opera music plays]

I don't get a "Merry Christmas"?

[Krzysztof] I didn't propose…

and we broke up.

Oh, well, what can I say,
good riddance to bad ships.

Just… a smidge of compassion?

For once.

[Grandpa ] Ah, it's as they say,
"the morning's rain and a girl's pain,

both fade away pretty quick."

[Grandpa ] You enjoyed
your childhood, right?

[wistful music plays]

What?

I mean what other kid
had a monkey at their house?

[clears throat]

[sighs]

[Krzysztof] Some had monkeys
in their homes and others…

other had normal grandfathers.

You should know that…

you can always stay with me.

That room in there is still yours.

Thank you.

[soft music plays]

Hey, Maksiu?

Where did all this stuff come from?

[Maks sobbing] Krzysztof brought it.

Yesterday, when we were at the house,
I lied to you and the captain.

What did you lie about?

[crying] I wanted a ship just like him,

so I took his smallest one.

I didn't know
I was getting this one today.

You stole it, mm?

Okay, on our way to escorting Zbyszek home

we'll return the ship
and you can tell me everything. Hm? Hm?

-[Maria] Good afternoon.
-Good afternoon.

[Maria] We're here on a
uh, very special mission.

Oh! What an incredible schooner you have!

I'm sorry that I… stole it from you.

This is mine?

[Grandpa ] Don't feel too bad about it.
I've stolen before too, a compass.

But he shouldn't have done that, right?
Maks is sorry he took your stuff.

Nonsense! A man has
to live by some way or another.

Maks, think of this
as a gift from me, you sea dog.

I got even more of that junk lying around.

Come in, I'll show you some.

Want some tea?

[Maria hesitates]

We don't want to intrude.

And you probably already have
plans for Christmas you need to get to.

Stop it. Now that's enough.

The only thing going on is my grandson
moving in to help me in my old age.

Krzysztof?

What? Since when?

Well… he's moving out
of his girlfriend's place.

He just went to go get his stuff.

[snickers] Ah.

Maybe just one more slice of… cheese.

[huffs] I know you'll
get promoted quickly.

-Mm?
-[policeman] Yeah.

[snickers]

That's what I wish for you.

Not just for Christmas,
but your whole life.

[laughs]

-That's him! Bogdan, look!
-Okay, let's ride.

[anticipatory music plays]

-We'll get there slowly, but surely.
-[policewoman] Mm-hm.

[radio beeping]

[policeman] Come on, turn on.
I got sauce on the controller.

[honking]

[cars honking]

-Hello?
-Hello, hi. I'm just calling because…

[Maria] Oh right! Thank you
for standing in for the reindeer.

No.

I'm really sorry, Maria but behind you…

there's a police car after you.

What is up with you and the police, huh?

I might not have told you everything.
You're in big trouble.

But why am I in trouble?

I'll explain everything in just a sec.

I--

[groans] Dammit!

Hello?

[grunts] Are you there?

[sighs] f*ck it.

POLICE

Jan Maria Kwiecień.

[policeman] Finally.

-[dramatic music playing]
-[Maks] Mom!

[gasps]

I am officer Barbara Pasterz.
Please step out of the car.

So, Jan Maria Kwiecień
said that he did this all for

-you, but I know that--
-Maria Kwiecień!

Everything this lady
says is unfortunately right.

-Maybe I was trying to help, but I--
-Mom, Zbyszek is hardly moving anymore.

[policewoman] The fish has no water?

[Maria] It all spilled out.
We were on our way to the river.

He won't last much longer without any.

-Just release the fish then come back.
-Ouch.

No funny business.

We'll be watching you two.

[Maria] Maks, you coming?

[Maks from radio] No, I'm gonna stay here.

[wistful music playing]

What-- What are you doing?

-Trying to adapt him to the temperature.
-It's a carp,

he just knows
how to adjust to new conditions.

Yeah? Same as you?

I have something for you.

It's time to let him go.

-[Maria groans]
-[Krzysztof grunts]

[Krzysztof] Oh, wow, huh.

[Krzysztof] It's not swimming away.

[Maria] Zbyszek, wet is everywhere.
Reach out to others, be happy.

A new life awaits you.

Go on.

[uplifting music plays]

[sniffs]

You know what, screw it.
My finger's too… fat for it.

[Maria grunts]

[Krzysztof] You're just
gonna throw your ring away?

-No. It just slipped.
-No?

[Krzysztof] Why did you do that?

That was my emotional baggage.

Yours too, kinda.

Seems we've been given carte blanche.

Carp blanche.

[both laughing]

["Another day" by Jamie Lidell playing]

♪ Open up to you ♪

♪ Yeah I oh oh oh oh yeah ♪

♪ Another day another way for me to ♪

♪ Open up to you ♪

♪ Whoo oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ I used to worry ♪

♪ I would wake up one day ♪

♪ Only to find ♪

♪ You'd nothing more to say ♪

♪ Now I'm letting silence do the talking ♪

♪ Now I'm letting silence do the walking ♪

-♪ Searching for ♪
-♪ Another day ♪

♪ Another way for me to ♪

♪ Open up to you ♪

♪ Yeah I oh oh oh oh ♪

[girl ] I haven't unpacked mine yet,

-I will in a minute.
-Hi, Daddy? [laughs]

Oh, this is our Christmas tree. Look.

-[woman ] Put daddy on please.
-Dad, it's mom.

Do you think
we're getting too old for this?

[man ] This is the most wonderful
present I've ever received.

♪ Only wanted noise all over you ♪

♪ Now I'm letting silence do the talking ♪

Are we going crazy in our old age?

[laughs]

♪ Do the walking ♪

-♪ Searching for ♪
-♪ Another day ♪

♪ Another way for me to ♪

See that?
There's still gonna be a wedding!

♪ Another day another way ♪

It's very good.

-Cause I know what I'm doing.
-Hmm.

["Another day" by Jamie Lidell playing]

♪ That's why
I'm searching for another day ♪

♪ Another way for me to ♪

-♪ Open up to you ♪
-♪ Whoo oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Another day another way for me to ♪

♪ Open up to you ♪

♪ Yeah I oh oh oh oh ♪

♪ Oh oh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh oh oh ooh ♪

♪ Oh oh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Oh oh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Yeah oh ooh oh yeah ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪