Scrooge & Marley (2012)

[bunniefuu]

[music playing]

Please!

I have been here 10
Earth years longer here!

Please, I beg you.

Have I been punished enough?

Marley, when will you
learn that no means no?

Please, sirs.

Sirs?

Or ma'ams or both.

Please.

You were informed of your
punishment upon your arrival.

Is there no way?

Have you altered
even the smallest

part of your behavior whilst
living, then perhaps, perhaps.

But...

Your audience with us is over.

But, but there's
always a loophole.

Loopholes are bound.

Oh, I do beg your pardon.

Jacob Marlon.

Rumor has it you
were around and rumor

didn't exaggerate your baggage.

Out of my way.

Oh, sure, sure.

Wouldn't want to ruin
another endless day for you.

How did you do that?

A little trick I picked up.

Show me.

You wanna learn something
about loopholes?

You have one for me?

All right, not a
loophole exactly.

But let me give
you the rundown...

Try to change your mind
around the idea of when

you help others, it helps you.

Help others?

Foreign to you, I know.

But just think, you could
save somebody from this.

Persuade a human to be good?

Piece of cake.

Not just any human.

Somebody really awful.

Perhaps someone of your ilk.

Scrooge.

The tougher the job,
the sweeter the reward.

Scrooge!

[music playing]

[MUSIC - AMBER DELAURENTIS, "ALL
YEAR LONG"]

(SINGING) The Christmas
bells are ringing.

Revelers, they sing,
fa-la-la, we've been waiting,

waiting all year long.

Lights are brightly shining.

Time for a holiday.

We've been waiting,
waiting all year long.

So happy to be here.

It's been such a long year
through the months and weeks

and days.

I dream of a weather,
snow light as a feather.

Makes the streets a wintry maze.

Spring flew by and
the summer faded.

The wind blew all them away...

It's Christmas Eve, a
magical time of year.

Dreams are dreamed
by young and old.

And for one brief moment, the
possibility of peace on Earth

and a reminder of the power
of love seems possible.

People everywhere are keeping
Christmas in their own way.

(SINGING) Let it snow, let it
go, let it rain, let it hail.

Some are naughty...

(SINGING) Let it snow, let it
flow, let it rain, let it hail.

...some are nice...

(SINGING) We've been
waiting, waiting all year...

...same are donning now
their g*y apparel...

(SINGING) Waiting,
waiting all year long.

...some are eagerly awaiting
the arrival of Santa...

(SINGING) All year long.

...and some have not yet
solidified their plans

for merrymaking.

(SINGING) All year long.

But as you know,
there's an app for that.

[music playing]

Yeah!

[applause]

Thank you.

Thank you.

Gentlemen and [inaudible]
ladies, as you all know,

it's Christmas Eve.

So we are closing early
and letting you get drunk

on your own eggnog
in the privacy

of your own little stable.

And remember two things...

One...

One...

...tipping is not a
country in China, and two,

I got my new
ba-zooms to pay for.

That's right.

Get your old ones.

For the last time, not you.

As for the rest of you,
I'm accepting bids.

So fork it over,
my little Marys.

Marys, Marys.

Speaking of Mary,
gentlemen, a song!

[music playing]

(SINGING) God rest
ye merry gentlemen.

Now don't you feel afraid.

Cause Christmas is the time of
year when everyone gets laid.

So raise your glass
and drink a toast

cause things will go your way.

Oh, thank God for
booze and last call.

Booze and last call.

Oh, thank God for
booze and last call.

Booze the last call.

[applause]

Well, here goes nothing.

Literally.

It's worth a shot.

This year might be different.

Maybe his bark is
worse than his bite.

Sure, if you've got
your tetanus shot first.

And what's up with
the way he talks?

He's all Ebenezer Scrooge,
practically perfect

in every way.

Well, he never
finished high school,

and I think it's a
sore spot with him.

He prides himself on his
oh so perfect vocabulary.

And his nastiness.

And his nastiness.

Well, it's time to
run the ramparts.

OK.

All right, you guys.

Now it's time for
get your sheets out!

You've waited all year for
this... the annual singing

of the 12 Days of
Christmas parody song.

[clears throat]

Colin.

I see you are still
head of Helpless Inc.

Yes, Ben.

I'm doing what I can.

No heat?

Is it the hot flashes?

I'm comfortable.

But so cold for Bob.

He has a dizzying array
of sweaters purchased

at your little resale boutique.

You want heat?

Go back out to the bar.

Lots of body heat
out there, if you

care to get close
enough to the riff-raff.

Riff-raff.

Why do you stay in this business
if you hate your customers

so much, huh?

I don't hate them.

Oh, you're quite
wrong, my dear Colin.

I love my customers.

All those fools and
they're easy money.

Why do you think Jake
and I named it Scrooge?

Humbug.

Don't you feel the least bit
beholden to the community?

Wouldn't you like to
give back to support it

in its needs, huh?

And what needs are those?

Oh, come on.

You don't live in a cave.

No.

No, really.

Enlighten me.

Maybe this year, I'll
fall for your doe

eyes and your fluffy
little bleeding heart.

Just what does
your sweet charity

propose to do for the community?

The community.

Give me your pitch.

Sell me.

We are facilitating
A*DS research and care

and education.

We have runaway
counseling and a shelter.

We have programs for community
outreach and lobbying

for legislative change.

And parades.

Oh, let's don't
forget the parades.

More hum buggery.

Ben, come on.

We've known each other since
the old days, since Fezzy Wigs.

I thought you'd want to make
at least a donation in Jake's

name, hmm?

Jacob Marley would roll.

He was as keen a businessman
as I. A matter of fact, Colin,

you used to be a pretty
keen businessman yourself.

You did well.

All this charity has got to
be eating into your capital.

My business continues to
thrive so I can do good.

Business isn't life.

You should come visit
the center, at least

see what we're doing.

Yeah, I see all right.

Loafers, miscreants,
society's outcasts.

I watch out for my
businesses and pay huge taxes

for the privilege of doing so.

Let them look out
for themselves!

I believe, gentlemen,
we are finished here.

So I will wish you a
season's greetings.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah,
Kwanzaa, and druid drivel!

And seasons greetings to you.

Sad, pathetic queen!

Don't worry, Kyle.

Haven't you heard every
time my cash register rings,

an angel gets its wings?

Now fly on home,
alone, as usual!

We brought cupcakes!

[cheering]

d*kes in the house!

Hello, suckers!

Hello, lesbos!

Oh, yes!

Don't you h*m*
have anything better

to do this Christmas
Eve than to listen

to these two rank amateurs?

Oh, thank you.

My darling Freda,
fashionably dressed as usual

in one of your own
little homemade frogs.

Oh, you're just jealous.

You want to wear this
to midnight mass.

[gasps] My secret's out.

Damn, this is good.

Isn't it?

Who frosted these?

They're amazing.

Freda did, but I helped.

Frost this, Freda.

Victor, honey.

Put it away.

You're scaring the children.

My eyes.

My eyes!

Wait, where is it?

Where is it?

[laughter]

It's a small world after all.

All right, you two
pieces of trailer trash,

it's time to silent the night.

Here Freda, to you come join me.

Everybody sing along.

Hit it, Liberace.

Here we go!

You all swing in the audience.

Very serious.

It makes it more fun.

Silent night, holy night.

All is calm, all this bright.

Sleep in heavenly peace
with the heavenly peace.

[applause]

All right, everyone.

Good night!

Last call, everyone.

Drink up, zip up, and meet
me under the mistletoe

before you go.

Mary, you come with me.

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Happy Hanukkah.

[laughter]

Mary, I'll be just
a minute, OK, honey?

Hey, hey, hey.

Take your time, honey.

Thank you.

I'll just hang here
with Randy and Terry.

OK.

I got her.

Oh, thank you.

Don't worry, honey.

I'll have my Silent
Night Special for you

when you're done.

Make it two, honey.

You got it.

All right, sweetie.

Oh, Robert.

Freda.

Sweetie!

My little cutie pie.

How are Drew and the kids?

Oh, they are just fantastic.

I'm sure they're anxiously
awaiting my arrival right now.

Yeah.

But I didn't dare try and
get out of here any earlier

tonight.

He is in a
particularly foul mood.

Why should tonight
be any different?

Oh, that's right.

It's Christmas Eve.

Huh.

Yeah, right.

What can I say?

He's a jerk, but he's family.

And besides, Mary's
on this Buddhist

thing about tolerance
and compassion

and love and all that.

And maybe one day.

I think so.

Wish me luck.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Bye.

Bye.

[knock on door]

Be gone.

Merry Christmas, Uncle Ben.

I just popped in to say hello.

I'm still breathing.

The ink on my will has
been dry for years.

The name Freda is still
resoundingly absent.

You may go.

No worries.

I'm pretty sure you'll
outlive me anyhow.

Look, I know you like to keep
Christmas in your own way.

But Mary has this
thing about family

and a weird soft spot for you.

So you're invited
for dinner tomorrow

if you have no other plans.

The name Mary is also
in absentia with regards

to my estate.

Look, I don't expect
anything from you.

Mary, on the other hand, only
wants to give you a good meal.

What'd you see in her?

She is going to be the
mother of my child.

My sister had that desire.

And lucky you, got to be
born on the day she died.

Isn't the symmetry
wonderful for you?

Getting senile, Uncle Ben?

You seem to get that one out
every single time I see you.

Well, if you want to come
tomorrow, dinner is at 4:00.

Mary sends her regards.

Send her back her regard anyway.

[inaudible]

Get out!

May I take a rain check there?

Thanks.

Thanks, Randy.

Have a good night.

Good night, Terry.

[interposing voices]

Merry Christmas.

Closing early.

And the whole day
tomorrow, Cratchit?

That's what you said.

You expect me to pay you?

Well, it's kind of norm.

And actually, I'd
rather if you could...

Spit it out.

Have you thought about
implementing the health care

plan that I proposed?

It wouldn't cost a
lot for the staff,

and my family could really
use the coverage right now.

Your family is no concern
of mine, you and your United

Nations cast asides.

Take a Christmas Day
and think about how

you would eat without this job.

Merry Christmas to
you, Mr. Scrooge.

Mock up the drinks another
20% on New Year's Eve.

[sighs]

Here you go.

Sorry.

There's no bonus.

The bonus is you get to do your
little music thing for money.

Yeah.

Thanks.

Oh, that would be his dinner.

Randy, can you take
it up to him please?

Let me guess, hot and sour soup,
one egg roll, small fried rice,

no MSG?

Yeah.

Heaven forbid he should explode.

You got to have a heart in
order to have a heart attack.

Amen.

Here's your dinner.

Did you tip the delivery man?

Of course.

Fool.

I gave you exact change.

I use my own money.

I can spare it.

Well, since you have so much
extra money lying around,

this would be a perfect
time to decrease your wages.

Hey!

I'll cut you all together.

I've seen you giving
out free drinks.

I can get another job.

I have a following
you wouldn't miss.

Oh, I hope they enjoy
the drive to Paducah.

I can make sure you won't
find any place closer.

And the way you've been
showing your age lately,

I doubt you could get employment
in a leather bar, in Paducah.

You better start packing.

Paducah?

Apparently I'm fired.

And old.

I'll fix it.

Maybe this time I don't care.

Maybe I'm tired of this fool.

I'll fix it.

Just finish closing
up, all right?

It's going to be OK.

Hey Bob, do you want
to hear the new song?

I can't.

I got to get home to
Drew and the kids.

We're waiting for Santa.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

You know what?

Randy, get one
more for everybody.

On the house?

On me.

Hey Randy, do you want to
hear the new Christmas song?

I'd love to.

[music playing]

Christmas Eve is coming soon.

Candles flicker blue.

Carolers in red and green
singing neath the moon.

Dreams are dreamed by young
and old, memories come to life.

Peace on Earth seems possible
round the world tonight.

Noel, can you hear
the angel's call.

Noel, calling out
to one and all.

The world of make-believe
comes true on Christmas Eve.

Christmas night is here at last.

Let your hopes run high.

Open minds and open hearts
need not question why.

Noel, can you hear
the angel's call?

Noel, coming out to one and all.

The world of make-believe
comes true on Christmas Eve.

The world of make-believe
comes true on Christmas Eve.

God rest ye merry gentlemen.

[wind blows]

Ridiculous.

[footsteps approaching]

Ben Scrooge!

Let me in!

[gasps]

Go away.

Get out.

Ben.

How'd you get in?

I have an alarm system.

Ben, look at me.

You can't be who you look like.

He's been dead for 10 years.

Do... do... don't.

Don't come any closer.

The police are on their way.

They are not.

I'm a ghost, Ebenezer!

Nobody calls me Ebenezer.

I did.

Jacob?

Jacob Marley?

Impossible.

I don't believe in ghosts.

You don't believe
in love either,

even though you once felt it.

You're only an
illusion, a nightmare,

a jolting of my neurons
exacerbated by a bad meal.

I specified no MSG.

OK.

It's a nightmare.

So in this nightmare, which
in reality, is reality,

you are being visited by moi.

I'll indulge you for the moment.

I'll concede that you are
the ghost of Jacob Marley.

Why haunt me?

I'm here to warn you.

These are the chains I have
to bear through all eternity!

Each link forged by an
evil deed or thought.

Look at me.

Weighted down.

You're no better than me.

Than I.

Grammatically
correct, as always.

Oh, Ebenezer, I've been dragging
through the ether for 10 years,

reliving all the
awful things I did.

We did.

And you've had 10 more years
to add to your baggage.

What awful things?

We did business.

Doing business is
not doing living.

I want you to see that
you still have time

to save yourself from this.

I'm not concerned
with any savings

that don't accrue interest.

Now be gone.

You have no power here.

That's what you think.

There's always a loophole.

Scrooge!

Ebenezer Scrooge, before
this night is over,

you will be visited
by three spirits.

Each of them will reveal
certain truths to you.

Heed them before it is too late.

Ben Scrooge!

Ben Scrooge!

Get your tiresome self out
of that godawful sleeper sofa

and acknowledge the
presence of a divinity.

Marley?

I told you to get out of my
apartment and out of my dreams.

Now go.

Randy.

I fired you.

Get out.

No can do.

Let me explain.

On my off hours, I'm the
ghost of Christmas Past.

Sometimes just the
ghost of the past.

You're a ghost?

How much MSG was
in that egg roll?

How is that possible?

How is it possible that you're
such a miserable example

of humanity?

Who knows.

Oh, wait.

We're actually going to
answer that question tonight.

So let's get started, shall we?

Ben Scrooge, I've been
sent here to guide you

to some meaningful
times of your past.

So let's get this
show on the road.

I have an evangelical I
need to see in two hours.

How?

What...

Time travel.

It's all the rage.

Poppers?

It's the '70s.

What else did you expect?

Now hush up.

Not that anyone here
can see or hear us.

Oh, you were so cute.

q*eer.

Tinkerbell.

You staying at school for
Christmas again this year?

[chatter]

Oh, look.

Here's your first crush.

Quiet.

Still no sign of the old man?

He won't come.

He hates me.

So it's two weeks.

I'll be back before you know it.

Ben!

Franny!

God.

Hi.

Hi.

Fred, this is my sister, Franny.

I told you about her.

Hi.

Hi.

It's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Ben, dad says you can
come home this year.

He let me take the car
to come and get you.

Yeah, really?

Yes.

Only Ben, please behave.

You do some things
that irritate him.

That's my ride.

Listen, maybe I'll stop
by over the holidays.

We'd love to see you.

Oh, Ben, we're
really going to have

a good Christmas this year.

[music - "silent night"]

(SINGING) Silent
night, holy night.

All is calm, all is bright.

Father, this is Brent
Hartford, a friend from school.

Hey, Franny.

Hey.

Hartford.

Pleasure to meet you, sir.

You might know my father.

He has a couple of
car dealerships.

Yes, of course.

I've seen his commercials.

I'll bet you work
hard for him too.

It's about time you
had a friend that

understands the importance
of business and making money.

Maybe you can teach my son,
the dreamer, a thing or two.

I'll try.

I came over to see
if Ben would like

to come to a dance at
my folks' country club.

There's a girl that I
dig, but her parents

say that we can't go unless we
double date with her cousin.

Well.

Well, I think Ben could
help you out with your date.

Great.

My girl's cousin
is really groovy.

I have some pictures
I'd like to show Ben.

Pictures of other girls that
he might want to look at, sir.

Run along upstairs then, boys.

See you, Franny.

Uh-huh.

Bye.

Pictures of girls?

I had to tell him
something, didn't I?

If the lie makes him
happy, then all the better.

[laughter]

You're my best friend.

Shut up and kiss me.

[pants]

f*gg*t!

You're a sick pervert!

Thank God your mother
didn't live to see this!

One time, one time you
get back in this house.

Out.

Get out.

Get out.

Out.

Out!

Dad, he's your son!

I don't have a son!

Do you hear me?

I will never see you again.

Stop it!

Stop, dad!

He's your Ben!

He's a freak!

Daddy, no!

Get out!

You are dead to me!

Dead!

Dad...

Dead!

Ben!

Ben!

[music playing]

Father.

He call himself a father.

Families.

Rubbish!

God, I was good
looking back then.

Was being the operative word.

Hey, can I get a room?

Hey, you OK?

Sure.

You're new.

I've been around.

Yeah, around the playground.

And living on the streets
since my old man kicked me out.

Is that around enough for you?

Hey, cool it, dude.

I'm just saying you look fresh.

And fresh doesn't
last long in here.

I can manage.

It doesn't look that way to me.

I'm fine.

Are you looking for something?

Oh, I'm always on the move.

Got big ideas about big things.

Loopholes abound.

It's the wrong scene
for you, kiddo.

I do OK.

I like you, kiddo.

You're cute, and I can
tell you're not stupid.

I got a keen sense
of not stupid.

What's your name?

Ebenezer.

Ebenezer?

That's about as bad
as Jacob Marley.

Just Ben, Ben Scrooge.

Oh, no.

From now on, you're Ebenezer.

I'm going to show you where
things happen for guys like us.

And you better believe they
happen for us and not to us.

Why should I trust you?

What do you want?

I want a partner to help me
take what the world owes me.

I may even give you top billing.

Scrooge and Marley.

Sounds good to me.

Yes, it does.

OK, Ebenezer Scrooge,
you stick with me.

Come on.

I'll clean you up, and
then I'm taking you to Oz.

[music playing]

[cheering]

This is Oz?

Darling, this is
wonderland, Studio 54 and Oz

all rolled into one.

And get ready, you're
the newest Dorothy.

You feel like hanging out?

Only for the rest of my life.

Hello, baby dolls and daddies!

It's Fezziwig.

Welcome to my bake sale.

I bake and you're all for sale!

[laughs]

That man knows how to party.

He does.

Did.

Taught me so much.

He took care of me too.

Much better than you
took care of him.

Hello, Jake!

Well, what delectable have you
brought to the buffet tonight?

This is Ben, Fezziwig.

I found him testing
the waters and thought

he'd be a better swimmer here.

You did good, Jake.

Welcome to Oz, kid.

Let's see your
yellow brick road.

[laughs] The street...

Not a nice place.

Also not a safe place.

Let me show you my place.

And this is where we do
all our entertainment.

This is the place to be.

Claude, Dorie, come over here.

Let me show you my grand
plan for world domination.

This is my new place.

And kiddies, there
are lots of rooms

in my little kindergarten.

This is the art studio.

It's where we do very
tasteful pictures

for discriminating patrons.

Nudie pics.

And this is the spa because you
cannot overemphasize physical

fitness, and you must
open up your pores.

You got to have steam heat.

This is a room where genteel
gentlemen will meet... oh,

how shall I say... company
of a certain kind.

No services, mind you.

Just company and discretion.

Discretion,
discretion, discretion.

Discretion is the
better part of allure.

So what'd you think, young Ben?

Cat got your tongue?

Handy remedy.

The dictionary.

Use it all the time.

Use your vocabulary.

Words, Ben.

Words will be your
tools, your weapons.

I am in the arts and
entertainment business, Ben.

And all of my babies
have been taken off

of those nasty streets.

All of my babies are
safe and warm and hot.

See Ben, you can make a lot more
in a place like this than you

can down at the park, making
macaroni and cheese money with

you're...

Language, Jacob.

Use vocabulary, never language.

Well, we need a
little Christmas.

[laughter]

One for him, one for us.

Partners.

He knows.

He doesn't care.

We can run blind as long as
you give him what he wants.

Well, that is a joyous noel.

Look at this piece.

I never knew I had it.

We must show it to the assembly.

Come along, Ben.

I'll catch up.

[laughter]

[cheering]

So you want to work here?

Yes, please.

[laughs] Dance.

Oh, wait.

Come back.

Got to give you a little
something to fluff you up

because you look naked.

All right, Isadora, go for it.

And don't stick your head out
the car window like last time.

Bill.

I'm Bill.

I'm Ben.

[laughter]

I feel like Christmas morning!

[sighs]

My first Christmas together.

Play it again, darling.

It's OK.

I'm getting used to it.

Christmas.

Extra money for idiotic
decorations that are more

work putting up then taking
down than they're worth.

Flimsy breakable...

Ben, what's the matter?

You can't be upset about
$20 worth of ornaments.

My sister, Franny.

She died.

Oh, my God.

She died during childbirth.

Apparently I now have
a niece named Freda.

If it hadn't been for
that baby, she would...

Ben, you can't blame a baby.

She was the only person who
loved me no matter what.

No matter what, she loved me.

I love you.

You know I do.

No matter what?

No matter what.

Of course I do.

Let's see what we can do
about that niece of yours.

I would.

For Franny's sake, I would.

But according to this letter
from my father, the first one

he's written me since
he threw me out,

I am specifically instructed
to stay away and not

stain the family's honor with
the stench of my depravity.

And then he goes on to add a
few more equally paternal words.

No matter what.

No matter what.

[music playing]

No matter what.

Hi, honey.

Dinner's ruined.

Oh, I'm sure it's good enough.

Waste not, want not.

Have a good meeting with Marley?

Pretty and smart.

Ben, I worry about
you and Marley.

He's... he's...

He's what?

Well, you've always known
that I always thought

he was a little too sly.

And you want me to be careful.

I know.

Yes, I'm dancing with the devil.

But I'm sleeping with
an angel, aren't I?

It all evens out in the end.

Besides, making him
my business partner

is the smartest
thing I could do.

Bill, my love, we're
going to be rich,

if you don't keep
burning grocery, man.

Well, if you're going to
be getting more money,

maybe we move to a nicer place.

Why'd we leave here?

It's rent free,
as long as I keep

an eye on Fezziwig's business.

And believe me,
got my eye on it.

[music playing]

[interposing voices]

For me?

Oh, you shouldn't have.

But I hate a family [inaudible].

There you are.

[chatter]

[music playing]

[chatter]

I don't understand, boys.

I don't understand at all.

It's simple.

You followed my
investment advice.

You sign the papers
I ask you to sign.

And now we own you.

How is that possible?

Well, there's always a loophole.

Don't you just love loopholes?

And now we are retiring you.

But you leave me with nothing.

Ben, I was so good to you.

You're educated.

I took you in,
you're successful.

It's all because of me.

Look how well you taught me.

It's time to prune back the
dying branches of shriveled,

old dying branches.

This is everything I have.

Had.

Where shall I go?

How can you be so heartless?

I was so good to both of you.

I don't know.

Don't you have an old troll
friend down in the Keys?

[laughter]

OK.

Out you go.

[sobs]

It was purely business.

It wasn't purely business
when he took you in.

For his own profit.

He was using me, using
Jake, using us for our looks

and a lot of other things
I'd rather not remember.

He was paying you a fair wage
and teaching you the business.

He was caring for you.

So he could care.

Caring doesn't pay the bills.

No, it doesn't.

But it might just
be what saves you.

We don't need to go here.

I don't.

But you do.

Sorry I'm late.

Yep.

You're late, again.

You'll never believe
what happened today.

I know what happened today.

I have a telephone.

You k*lled what was
left of Fezziwig.

That's a little over the top.

Jake and I leveraged some cash.

We bought the old man out.

You sold out.

You sold out your friendship!

You sold out your soul!

What's all this?

I'm leaving.

No.

You can't.

You said, no matter what.

I said that to a
man, a different man.

No matter what.

I said that to a
man who I loved,

a man who still had the decency
to cry over his sister's

death, who gave a crap.

But now, you're an automaton
for money, a steamroller.

Fezziwig... did you
have to do it that way?

That's business.

That's Marley.

Are you actually
jealous of Jake?

You know that with
Marley, it's all business.

Right.

Business, money, Marley.

You promised me.

You made promises too.

But for months, years,
I look into your eyes,

and I see are dollar signs.

I want something more.

What more is there?

Can you stop what you're doing?

Can you stop the
wheeling and dealing?

Can you stop what you
and Marley have started?

What is there to stop?

Stop making money, stop
providing you a home,

stop doing what I do
better than anyone?

I don't care about money.

Everyone cares about money.

Well, not the way you do!

And you certainly
don't care about me

the way you care about money.

So I'm leaving you.

I've made up my mind.

I'm leaving.

I'll change.

Change?

Do you know what
change is to you?

Change is little pieces
of metal that you pick up

off the ground, kiss,
and put in your pocket.

I want a home.

I want a family.

You want a family?

To hell with family.

People you are tied
to by blood that

can't stand the sight of you.

And then they die.

You become someone
I don't even know.

I tried to ignore it,
but it's too much.

I'm leaving.

You promised.

[grunts]

You really did change, you know.

I did love him,
more than anything.

Then why didn't you see him when
he was sick, before he died?

I didn't know he was sick.

You did.

Oh, yes, you did.

What?

There's a woman on the phone
that says she's Bill's sister?

So?

She says that Bill is ill, very
ill, and he's asking for you.

Oh, and Jake's online too.

I don't have time.

Why didn't you tell me that?

[phone rings]

Hold on.

Hey, Jake.

Ben, where are you?

I'll be right there, OK?

Hurry up.

Sorry, I don't have
time, all right?

Take a message.

She says it's urgent.

I don't have time.

Take a message.

I didn't even know when he died.

You knew.

You can't lie to me.

[music playing]

I knew.

And I did nothing.

Well, I still have plenty
of time for my evangelical.

He's no you, but he's got
a few kinks to work out.

Toodles, poodle.

[music playing]

[interposing voices]

I will fight with
the lot of them.

Mark my words, this
will be a Christmas Eve

they will never forget!

It's about time,
Scroogie-woogie.

Looks like somebody's
having a rough night.

Have a tidy, have two.

Who the hell are you?

How did you get in here?

I'm a ghost, silly.

I slipped in
through the keyhole.

[laughs]

More ghosts.

I thought that dream was over.

Not a chance,
darling crabby pants.

I'm Terry, the ghost
of Christmas present,

and I'm next up on
your dance card.

Dance card?

Did someone say dance card?

Hold on Scroogie-woogie.

I feel a production
number coming on.

Hit it, boys.

[MUSIC - "WELCOME TO CHRISTMAS
PRESENT"]

Welcome to Christmas present.

Now is the time, the
time for merriment.

Get me, I'm singing and dancing.

Christmas is like
a Broadway musical.

We've got elves dancing
and reindeer prancing,

brimming with good cheer.

Tinsel up.

Let's celebrate what's here.

We've got singing
spirits, you can hear it.

It's filled with yuletide glee.

So deck the halls and
sit on Santa's knee.

Cause I am your
Christmas present.

Now is the time, the
time for merriment.

Get us, we're
singing and dancing.

Christmas is like
a Broadway musical.

All right, this is the big
finish now, Scroogie-baby.

Christmas!

I'm your Christmas present.

I'm going to show you how
great that Christmas is.

You'll see all the
glitzy chorus boys,

that happy hearts
bursting with joy

cause Christmas is
like a Broadway show!

Yeah!

Tadaa!

Now that's what I call getting
into the Christmas spirit.

Have I... have I lost my mind?

Am I surrounded by ghosts?

Nope.

Just Jake and Brandy and me.

And oh boy, wait till
see who's coming up next.

I thought that dream was over.

Not a chance, darling.

Where have I seen you before?

I'm a regular at your bar.

You'd know this if you actually
stepped out of your office

and joined in the
festivities now and then.

I have no time for
that sort of frivolity.

You sure could use it.

Let's make some time.

Now.

No.

Please.

I've had enough for one night.

[laughs] Not even
close, Scroogie-woogie.

And if I say no?

I'm calling the shots.

Like I said, this is my dance.

It's time for you to look
at Christmas this year

and open your eyes to
the world around you.

I feel like I'm the
only sane one around.

And now I'm going crazy.

[laughs] You're not crazy.

You're mean.

You know who's crazy?

That niece of yours.

Freda?

She actually cares about you.

Cut to Christmas Eve
this year, Freda's.

Freda and Mary's.

[chatter]

Oh.

Oh, sorry.

OK, listen up, you
Merry revelers.

It's time for you know what!

Holiday charades!

Oh, no.

Not again.

Freda, come on.

Oh, don't snow on
my parade, baby.

You love this last year.

And the 10 years before that.

Oh, OK.

But this year, there's a twist.

Instead of tired old movies
and stupid new songs,

we are doing people.

I love doing people.

Famous, real or
fictional, living or dead.

All right, here we go!

You start.

Oh, this is good.

You'll never get this.

Ready?

Oh, God.

There she goes.

She's prepping.

"Hunchback of Notre-Dame."

Quasimodo.

Is it Quasimodo?

One word.

One word.

One word.

Poker?

What is that?

Ugly sad poker player.

Aquaman.

Filing her nail.

Is she a...

Psycho!

Oh.

Oh, that's something different.

Dracula.

Dracula.

No, it's Cher.

Gigi!

Cher!

Cher!

Oh, you're terrible.

It's my Uncle Scrooge.

You got it [inaudible]
Mr. Sparkling Personality.

Oh, that's Scrooge, all right.

I knew if I just looked
sour, you'd never get it.

But if I pantomime that
holier than thou way he talks,

you'd get it in 10 seconds flat.

Why does he do that, Freda?

Oh, honey.

Who can figure everybody's
favorite sour puss out?

Everybody's favorite sour
puss just fired Randy.

What?

Seriously.

Today?

I was there.

I witnessed.

I think he meant it this time.

On Christmas Eve?

Why would Christmas Eve be
different than any other night?

Bob says he can fix it,
but I don't think he can.

I feel bad for Randy though.

I do too, but I also
feel bad for Scrooge.

Oh, you don't mean that.

You can't.

I've worked for that cheap
jerk for the last three years.

And believe me, the minute
I find another steady gig,

I'm history.

He can't help it.

The guy needs something other
than his cold hard cash.

And buy him a cat.

But be prepared to
pay for the food too.

When I look at Scrooge, I
see a terribly lonely man

in desperate need of compassion.

You've had too much
eggnog, methinks.

It's her Buddhist thing.

No, I mean it.

I really do.

It's the season of peace.

So...

Oh, honey.

...a toast to Scrooge.

A toast to that
bitter old queen?

Hey!

Mary is requesting,
and I am commanding.

Raise those glasses
high and listen up.

Thank you, dear.

You're forcefulness was part
of my initial attraction,

you know.

And my eyes?

And your eyes.

Of course.

[laughter]

A toast to Scrooge.

Yes.

To Uncle Scrooge.

He wouldn't take a
Merry Christmas from us

unless we paid him.

And since Christmas
joy is free of charge,

we're going to give it to him
anyway whether he likes it

or not.

To Scrooge.

To Scrooge.

Why would she
deign to defend me?

You heard her.

You're family.

She wants you in her life.

I thought she just
coveted my portfolio.

You know, someday he'll
come around, and maybe

after the baby's born.

Yes, maybe then.

Yeah.

OK.

Now let's hear Freda do a song.

[applause]

Fine.

Fine.

Twist my pinkie.

[laughter]

OK.

[MUSIC - "I'M A CHRISTMAS KIND
OF BABY"]

Where is Christmas?

Where is Christmas?

Sure don't feel
like Christmas time.

I'm a Christmas kind of baby,
need my baby at Christmas time.

I said that I'm a
Christmas kind of baby,

need my baby at Christmas time.

If my baby ain't
around, it's going

to be a Santa kind of crime.

What good is all this?

Why do these fools fill up
their sorry little souls

with frivolous...

Because they have heart.

I said if my baby's
not around, it

don't feel like Christmas time.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe... OK, I see.

You want me to hire Randy back.

Fine.

And I need to be nicer to
Mary and Freda and everyone

that Scrooge.

Got it.

Checked off the list.

Now take me back home.

All this kindness and good
cheer's working my last nerve.

[laughs] Guess you haven't quite
learned the spirit of Christmas

yet.

You know, we got to
hurry this along.

They don't give me
much time, you know.

I heard you were a fast learner.

You better pick up
the pace, bucko.

[music playing]

O Christmas tree,
O Christmas tree,

thou tree most fair and lovely.

It's a very proper Christmas.

Perfect and glee.

A very proper Christmas
with our [inaudible]..

It's a very proper
Christmas [inaudible]

Star of wonder in the heaven,
are you just a shining star

or should I follow you tonight?

Star of wonder, star of wonder.

Christmas time's upon us.

Fills our lives with cheer.

Brings us all together for
a merry time this year.

[vocalizing]

A little bit of Christmas
goes a long way.

It's in all of our
hearts every day.

Give a...

Fezziwig is alive.

And still full of
Christmas spirit.

(SINGING) Be kind with love...

It was just business.

(SINGING)... faith and belief.

But a little bit of
Christmas comes a long way.

What's happening to you?

Christmas present.

The present is fleeting.

I have one day on Earth.

We have another stop to make.

Cratchit residents.

Cratchit residents.

h*, h*, h*!

Hi, family!

Oh, come here, you guys!

You look so adorable.

Tim, how are you?

Tim looks so cute.

I know.

We've been waiting for you.

I know.

You know how it is.

How are you?

I'm good.

How are you?

What are you guys doing?

We are having daddy time.

All right, you guys.

Hold on.

I know.

It's arts and crafts, yes.

We're doing some daddy
timeout right now.

So Ruby, you're in charge.

Tim, don't burn anything.

You look beat.

Scrooge is in a
rare form tonight.

No, no, no.

I don't want to hear a
single syllable about that...

Language.

...very difficult human being.

Thank you.

I always have to work
in a place that toxic.

It's only toxic because of him.

I can manage.

In case you haven't noticed,
we have a few mouths to feed.

I can go full time.

No.

Tim needs you here at home.

You shouldn't have
to work at all.

The kids need you.

Well, we're going to have
a conversation about this.

One more?

But... but not now.

Right.

Not tonight.

It's Christmas Eve.

Wow!

[laughter]

Wow.

I thought I threw
all of those out.

You missed one.

I did.

And I'm glad you found it.

Wow.

Ta-daa.

Wow.

I don't even want to
know where you got that.

Aren't we supposed to
don now our g*y apparel?

You have donned off
our g*y apparel.

That's how he spends my money.

He certainly doesn't
spend it on his home.

I pay him a living wage.

Of course, if he has to
adopt every orphan that

looks at him sideways, well,
that's no business of mine.

Yes, I'm sure the state
orphanages are so much more

homey than Drew and Bob's.

So we might have a development.

What's that?

Scrooge is not
going to implement

the health plan I proposed.

[laughs]

It's OK.

We'll manage.

Yeah.

But how... you're too kind.

You're just too kind.

I'll show you kind.

OK.

What?

[laughs]

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Oh, no.

No, no.

Oh, yes.

No, no, no.

Oh...

No.

...yes, yes.

No.

Mm-hmm.

You're bad.

Mm-hmm.

You're on the naughty list.

Mm-hmm.

Who's ready for our
Christmas feast?

Me.

Nice sweaters, guys.

Christmas spirit, Simon.

Hi, gorgeous.

Happy Christmas, dad.

Happy Christmas to you.

I didn't have to take a
nap because this year,

I'm in charge of the
Christmas Eve breakfast.

Well, aren't you a big girl now.

Daddy, we missed you so much.

I missed you so much.

Holly's daddy had
the day off today.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

I'll have the day
off too some day.

I promise.

And someday, we'll have a house.

With a yard, and
you'll run around.

Oh, yes, you will.

[inaudible] taught us a song.

A Christmas song.

I want to hear it.

Yeah.

1, 2, 3, go.

(SINGING) Good King
Wenceslas threw up

on the feet of Stephen.

And the presents and about
all had thoughts of leaving.

[inaudible] in fact,
they were quite groggy.

In the morning, Steve woke
up and his shoes was soggy.

[laughter]

Bravo!

Bravo!

That was amazing!

That was amazing!

No!

Not until we eat first.

Let's get this show on the road!

Get over there...

Guys, help me with the tables.

Let's move them
back to the couches.

And 1, 2, 3.

Easy, easy.

There we go.

There we go.

All right.

Now everybody hold hands.

Now who gets to say the
Christmas prayer tonight?

Rafael, how about you do it?

Let Tim.

All right.

Tim, why don't
you do it tonight?

God bless us everyone.

Let's eat!

[laughs]

[coughs]

Tim?

Honey?

Oh, God.

Drew, grab his oxygen.
It's going to be OK, buddy.

Just relax.

Breathe slow, just like
the doctor said, OK?

Just relax and breathe slow.

Thank you.

It's OK.

Here we go.

Deep breaths.

Deep breaths.

Relax, buddy.

Relax, relax.

It's OK.

Just relax.

Tell me the child
is going to be OK.

Just tell me he'll be OK.

Tell me!

Whatever happened to decreasing
the surplus population?

Home, James.

Home.

Ah, you see my children,
ignorance and want.

Neither is the natural
state of mankind.

Ignorance can grow to be
wise, want can become plenty.

But nothing can be done
without assistance.

Will the boy die?

We all will die.

Nothing can be done
without assistance.

You know where to go.

Yes, I do.

Survival of the fittest.

Not survival of the
warmest, fuzziest, fezziest.

Fezziwig.

OK, I see.

I get it.

I'll... I'll do better.

But I don't see why Bob's
kid is my responsibility.

But I'll give him a raise.

A small raise.

A reasonable raise.

That should keep the
child from dying.

[door buzzes]

[music playing]

Christmas future, I presume?

Maybe they didn't tell
you, but I've seen enough

from the other spirits.

Tell Marley.

Tell him I'll be better to Bob.

I really don't need
to see anymore.

So good night.

Season's greetings.

No.

[music playing]

Let's rejoice and dance like
thunder, that old skinflint

is 6 feet under.

The man who hated Christmas

Dead, you know.

So Toutle Loo, you heartless
rotter, you mean old grinch.

You, Mr. Potter.

Let's have three cheers
and a jolly h*, h*, h*!

Oh, Ebenezer Scrooge was
to Christmas what meatless

vegans are to Turkey day.

He frouned at love.

He lived to scorn.

He frazzled folks
and he left to mourn.

He was a man who had a
life no one will mourn!

Ebenezer Scrooge
was to Christmas...

That's it then.

We'll have to close the doors.

Well, what else can we do?

Nothing.

We can only hope some of the
other shelters take our boys.

Well, they're no better off.

I mean, this is
effectively going

to put those boys right back
out on the street again.

You'll never guess!

[panting] You'll never guess.

Give me your hand.

That's good.

Now what happened?

The b*stard is dead.

Really?

It's about time.

That's unkind.

But true.

They say he was lying
alone for four days.

Nobody missed him.

And no one will.

And after all the money he
made from the community,

and he never gave
back a dime, even when

he turned twigs into a
condo and made a fortune.

I hate to say it, but
I'm glad he's dead.

I mean, if it weren't
for the shelter closing,

I'd probably be strapping
on my tap shoes.

[laughter]

Oh, I wonder who will
inherit everything?

I wonder where
it'll all wind up.

Won't be here.

Why not?

What have my beauties
got for me today?

All vintage.

All owned by some
fastidious old queen who

never went to church on Sunday.

Where did you get these?

They haven't even
moved the carcass yet?

Oh, we can get into
spaces if we need to.

And it ain't ill*gal
if the owner's dead.

Believe me, we looked
for those money bags.

The old bag's money bags.

[laughter]

So what do you say?

Yeah.

You'll get your money.

Stay calm.

You'll get your money.

Let me take a look.

Oh, nice.

[inaudible]

Everybody, let's hold hands.

No.

Not the boy.

Our Tim is gone, guys.

[sobbing]

No.

No.

No!

Please.

Please, spirit, please, please.

Don't let it be too late.

There's time to change.

I know that there's time.

Please, I've learned so
much from you spirits.

Don't show me.

Don't show me.

If you don't show me,
then it won't be true.

No.

[music playing]

No.

[sobs] No!

No!

No!

No!

Please!

Please!

No!

No!

No!

Ben, one day you
will understand.

One day, you will find grace.

And on that day, you'll
know that I forgive you,

and I love you no matter what.

No matter what.

Bill.

Bill.

[sobs]

Home, awake, alive.

[laughs]

Home, awake, alive.

Oh, what day?

What day is it?

I'm still alive.

It's not too late.

Jake.

Jake.

I'm going to unforge my chains.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

But what day is it?

And it's 8:43 on
Christmas morning...

[gasps] Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, you intelligent reporter.

Brilliant investigation.

Oh, I love TV.

Oh, I'm not too late.

I'm not too late.

It's not too late.

[laughs] I'm awake.

I'm alive.

I'm awake.

And I can do better.

I can do better.

I will.

I will do better.

Watch me.

[laughs]

Yes.

And the name on the
door is Cratchit.

C-R-A-T-C-H-I-T. Yes, it
is a funny name, isn't it?

Thank you.

Oh, Merry Christmas.

It's a start.

Bob, did you order a
26 pound roast turkey

with all the trimmings
and a pie big enough

to feed the entire North Pole?

No.

But if I don't have
to cook it, let it in.

All right.

What is he talking about?

I know.

I want the potatoes!

[chatter]

Here are Christmas sunshine.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you.

Take that.

We'll talk tomorrow.

Christmas is no
day for business.

[laughs]

[gasps]

[door bell dings]

Uncle Ben.

Can a contrite old man have
a little Christmas cheer?

Of course.

Freda!

She is going to be so excited.

Mary, who is it, honey?

Uncle Ben.

I'm astonished.

Happy, but astonished.

Well, I did a little
meditating last night.

OK, a lot.

And I woke up hoping to join
my family if they'll have me.

It's a Christmas miracle.

Get in here.

[laughter]

You're late.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes it's hard
to leave the family.

Everyone else is late too.

I assume they were fired.

Well, I did make some
personnel changes.

And I'm not finished.

Cratchit.

I've given a lot of thought
to the future of my business

and what function, if
any, you will carry out.

Effective immediately,
you are now a full partner

in all of my businesses.

I'm going to raise
your salary too.

Oh, and that health
plan... sign us up at once.

I also have a specialist
waiting to see Tim tomorrow.

[laughs] Oh, and forgive me
though for not consulting you,

but I'm giving these
miscreants a big fat bonus.

He told us to come
in this morning late.

And he's going to pay
for studio time for us.

I'm thinking of dabbling
in the music business.

Randy, drinks for everyone!

[cheering]

On the house.

Coming right up.

Yes!

To Ben Scrooge!

To Ben Scrooge!

To live to change!

Ah.

To Jacob Marley who
made me want to.

And Ben Scrooge did change.

He kept his word to the
spirits and to himself.

He found joy in every moment.

[music playing]

(SINGING) Let's rejoice
and sing out clearly

about that sweet sweet
guy whom we love dearly.

And the man who lives for
Christmas, don't you know.

So fa-la-la and Godspeed to you.

My fellow man and
ladies, boo-yah!

Let's have three cheers and a
jolly h*, h*, h*, h*, h*, h*,

h*, h*!

Ebenezer Scrooge is a
Christmas what gobble gobbles

are to Turkey day.

I have a gift for charity
and sharing my prosperity.

A happy holiday I guarantee.

Ebenezer scrooge
is to Christmas...

He gave back to the
community that gave to him.

[cheering]

Hello, Ben!

Thanks for the little deuce too.

He remembered people
who cared for him.

He became like a third father
for Tim and his siblings.

He found time for his family.

He even found time
to make a new family.

Our first Christmas.

The first of many.

[music playing]

And Ben Scrooge lived
the rest of his life

as if every day was Christmas.

And for every life
he touched, it was.

[MUSIC - JEN ZIAS, "ONE KISS FOR
CHRISTMAS"]

(SINGING) Just like
a flower blooming

under the snow, my love for
you has never grown cold.

If you ask me what I want,
I won't give you a list.

Just one kiss for Christmas.

[music - jason gould, "amazing"]

To keep my heart unbroken,
I kept it locked away

A place no one could open.

And still, I was afraid.

So I can't quite explain it
why I've given you the key.

Isn't it amazing to
have you here with me?

Speaking words I've never
spoken, but somehow seem

to know now I'm falling in slow
motion, no fear of letting go.

All my life, I have been waiting
for the courage that you see.

Isn't it amazing I am
standing at this open door,

feeling more alive than
I ever felt before?

Sure as the sun rise, I
know it's not a dream.

For the very first
time, awakening.

Every road I've never taken,
every place I tried to hide,

I am ready now to face them,
stepping out into the light.

All I life I have been waiting
for this courage that you see.

Isn't it amazing?

Sure as the sun rise, I
know it's not a dream.

For the very first time...

Isn't it amazing how
brave your love made me?

[cheering]

[laughter]