So, as the man saw to it
that the boy was taken care of,
he vowed never to repair
that dent in his car.
He did so as a reminder to himself that
not everyone in need has a brick to throw.
I tell you this, now,
as it relates to our reading
from the Gospel of Matthew.
By way of the golden rule, do unto others.
A cup of cold water is a
gift that everyone can give
because it is the smallest of gifts,
the gift of life.
It is important that we give
these gifts to those in need,
because the recipient could be an angel,
or a prophet, or even
Jesus himself in disguise,
and these gifts can come in the form of
material support like food, clothing,
or even shelter.
When we help others, we bring
them face-to-face with God,
by bringing them face-to-face with us.
So, as we enter into this week,
these final days before Christmas,
I want each of you to ask yourselves,
how am I bringing others
face-to-face with God?
It's good to see you,
Irene. Thank you for coming.
If you need your steps salted
this week, just let me know.
It's gonna get icy out there.
Thank you for coming.
It's so nice to see you.
Caleb and Emily, my favorite newlyweds.
If you need anything, you
just let me know, okay?
Okay.
It's all right, Rigo.
God's love can't be
measured in dollars alone.
Yeah, but, Father, the
place is empty again.
The church is like any living organism.
It shrinks and it grows.
We always get a big crowd for
midnight mass. You'll see.
Yeah, well, I trust
that God's told you so.
He has, and, hey, our new
interface arrived this morning.
You should come by sometime
this week. We'll test it out.
Well yeah, of course, Father.
I pray that our combined efforts is enough
to inspire hearts and minds.
Well, have a blessed
week. I'll see you soon.
You too, Father.
Yeah, c'mon, ride that.
Hello?
Excuse me, sir. Mass is over.
Sir, are you all right?
What, who, who the hell are you?
I'm Father David.
I have to lock up the church now.
All right, okay.
Why don't you just leave me the keys
and I'll lock her up for you?
I'm just gonna try to tuck back
into this wicked dream I was having.
I'm afraid that I can't do that, sir.
God be with you.
Come on, you piece of sh*t a*s phone!
God damn it, nothing ever works.
I can't believe this sh*t!
Of course, unbelievable!
Hey, are you all right?
Yeah, I'm fine, it's just this
piece of sh*t plastic phone.
I can't get a signal.
My ride supposed to be here by now.
I don't know where she is.
Well, you're welcome to sit in the car
and warm up while you wait.
You sure?
Yeah.
Your call has been
forwarded to an automatic-
Oh, come on, unbelievable!
I can't believe she would leave me
stranded out here like this.
I tell you what, she
got another thing coming
if she thinks I'm
walking all the way back!
Where is it that you're headed?
Oh, it's my chick's place.
It's like a 20 minute drive away.
Well, I suppose I could give you a ride.
Really? You don't mind?
I appreciate that, man.
Hey, like I said, it's only
like a 30 minute drive.
I'm David.
Terry. It's good to meet you.
Hey, you wanna smoke?
Oh, uh, no, no thank you.
Mind if I do?
Hey, I really appreciate
you doin' this for me, man.
It's probably the nicest thing
anyone's done for me in a while.
I'm happy to help
Yeah, so you know my chick, Lexi, man,
she's just, I don't f*cking
know what's going on with her.
It's like she's been
extra hormonal lately,
and it ain't the rag either, okay?
A man just knows.
It's like she's tryna tell me something
without telling me, you know?
How 'bout you?
What's your secret move
when your lady's all bent out of shape?
You give her a good ol'
fashioned chimney sweep?
Have sex with her man, c'mon.
Well, I'm celibate, actually.
Oh, cool, so you got like both parts?
No, uh, as a priest,
my life is dedicated
to God's holy message.
So I guess you could say that
I'm in a relationship with God,
and when God's message seems
uncertain, as it often does,
well, I feel that it's important to accept
his mysterious ways for what they are,
miracles in disguise.
Relationship with God, huh?
Maybe that ain't such a bad idea.
Oh, sh*t, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
Oh, what the hell?
Lexi!
Lexi!
Hey, baby, this ain't fair!
Come on now!
Terry, I'm not sure anybody's home.
Oh my gosh.
What I tell you, David,
she's f*ck' nuts, man!
Just calm down, okay? It's all right.
Ugh, and this thing
smells like cat piss!
Why don't you let me drive you home?
David, home? I ain't got no home, man.
Look at me, I'm in a
transitional phase, all right?
She was letting me stay
with her for a while.
How about a hotel?
Or I could take you to a family member.
I ain't got nobody, man. She's it.
Look, don't worry about it.
I'm just gonna find a
bridge to sleep under
like a God damn troll.
Terry, wait.
Why don't you stay at my place tonight?
Nah, it's awful nice of you, really,
but I've slept under
plenty of bridges, David.
You'd have your own room and everything.
A warm night's rest will do you good.
You can patch things up
with Lexi in the morning.
Please, I insist.
Ah, what the hell.
Oh, wow.
Oh, it's okay.
It's okay. I got it.
No, David, look, I got it, see?
Okay, thank you.
This is a hell of a place!
The church pay for all this?
It belongs,
well, belonged, I should
say, to my mother.
She passed away two years ago.
Oh, who's the bulldog?
That's Mother.
Oh, oh.
I'm sorry. Oh, my bad.
Wow, egg on my face.
Uh, your room is this way.
Whoa!
It's not much, but it's
better than on the street
Not much?
Not much?
I guess you ain't slept
under too many bridges, huh?
There's extra blankets in
the closet, if you need any.
Oh, no, I think I'll
keep plenty warm with this.
Say, you wanna have a drink with me?
Uh, no, thank you. I don't drink.
Really? I thought all you
priests were big boozers.
A glass of wine on
occasion, with dinner, if so.
All right, I'll keep that in mind.
Well, I, uh...
I'll see you in the morning.
You got it, buddy. Hey, thanks again.
"As disciples of Christ,"
we must always accept the
truth of our guests' message.
In order to offer hospitality,
care, and compassion,
we simply bring who we are
and what we have to those in need.
It is crucial that we
receive the person first,
before they can receive the gift we offer.
I hope this post finds you all well.
Have a blessed week, and I look forward to
seeing each of you on the
eve of our Lord's birth.
"Blessed, hospitality,
compassion, sun day squad."
What's up, man?
Oh, sh*t, you change your
mind about that drink?
No, uh, it's awfully late for the music.
What's that?
Your music, it's too loud.
Hang on. I can't hear sh*t.
Sorry about that.
Could you please try to
keep your music to a manageable level?
It's late and I have a big day tomorrow.
Yeah, yeah, of course, man.
And, please, no smoking inside.
Oh, hey, your light's been doing that
for like the last hour.
You wanna show me where the box is,
I'll take a look at it for you.
That's okay. I'll take
a look at it tomorrow.
Good night then.
All right.
Good night.
In the name of the Father,
the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Amen.
What sins have you to confess today?
I'm sorry.
It's just that I don't exactly
know what I'm doing here.
It's all right, my child.
You're in the house of God now.
- That's the thing.
- I'm not religious, at all.
I guess I'm just that desperate for help.
It's so stupid. I'm stupid.
You're not stupid.
It's perfectly fine for His stray flock
to find their way home.
He welcomes you.
That sounds nice and
all, but you ain't gonna go
telling no one about this, now, are ya?
Everything you say here is confidential.
It stays between you, me, and the Lord.
What's troubling you, my child?
I'm pregnant.
Well, congratulations.
There ain't
nothin' to celebrate.
It wasn't planned, and on top of all that,
I'm being evicted from my house!
I just don't know where to
turn, or who to talk to.
My family is about as useful
as a sh*t-covered Popsicle
on a hot summer's day.
Well, what about your husband?
He ain't my husband.
He's a loser, a bum, and I
don't plan on telling him
a single thing about this ever.
Well, surely, he'll find out.
Not necessarily.
I'm considering an ab*rtion.
Life is a gift from God.
It should be cherished and
nourished, not abandoned,
and the father has as
much of a right to know
as your child has a right to live.
Live where? Under a bridge?
Where is the father now?
Huffing paint
under a bridge most likely.
He's a lost cause. This
is all a lost cause.
Human life is never a lost cause.
Please, talk to the father,
try and work things out,
and most importantly,
above all, choose life.
Thank you, Father.
Perhaps, one day, we'll meet again.
"To Jesus, hospitality meant acceptance."
This is why he put his arms around lepers,
ate with tax collectors and
sinners, forgave adulterers,
and even broke Sabbath laws.
Christ's example should
be one of acceptance.
Embrace the poor as he did.
The term poor, however, is not a phrase
simply reserved for those without money.
We must not forget the poor in spirit,
and perhaps the poorest
of all, the legally poor,
those without rights, the
unborn children of the world.
We must fight for their right to life,
as it is a battle they
cannot fight themselves.
The poor are crying out
for help, my friends.
"Do not board up your homes for fear of..."
Damn it, baby,
why don't you, hey!
I told you not to ring
the God damn doorbell.
Why don't you ever listen
to a single thing I say?
I called you 30 f*ck' times.
When are you goin' to learn that
that piece of sh*t phone
of yours ain't working?
Oh, so it's my fault now, huh?
I'm so sorry that I
don't spend all my money
on the latest, greatest f*cking gadget.
Oh, what money?
Oh, hey, David, this is Lexi.
I told her not to ring
the doorbell, David.
I swear to God I did.
I didn't have a choice.
Hi, it's so nice of you
to let me stay here.
Thank you so much!
Um, of course.
See? You know, her heat got cut off.
Can you believe that? Middle of winter.
Damn city can't seem to
get their sh*t together,
ain't that right, baby?
That's right.
So, uh, let's not keep David
any longer than we got to.
I'm sure he's got plenty of
church in' writing stuff to do.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Who the hell else you
trying to sneak in here?
That's an awful lot of bags.
Yeah, well, she's an awful lot of woman.
Thanks again.
"Do not board up your homes"
for fear of God's little ones.
They are His long lost children,
"His flock, in need of a Shephrd."
David?
David!
Hey, David, you awake, buddy?
What? What's going on?
It's me, Terry, look.
God, what the f*ck is that?
What?
What's on your face?
It helps me breathe.
What do you want?
You know, I wanna come up
and apologize for what happened earlier.
See, Lexi, she got a hold of me
after you'd already gone upstairs,
and I didn't want to bother you.
I thought I could just kinda
sneak her in no problem,
but I did tell her not to
ring that doorbell, David.
I did do that.
It's fine.
Goodnight now.
No.
It's not fine at all.
See, David, I haven't been
entirely truthful with you.
Her heat didn't get cut off.
She got kicked out of her house, David,
and the confusion's my fault too,
'cause she thought I told you
that she was going to come over.
Terry, it's all right, it's all right.
We'll talk about it in the morning, okay?
Okay. God damn, Terry,
cryin' like a little b*tch.
Thank you, David, for just
being so understanding.
Hey, you know, your breaker
just probably needs to be reset.
I'd be happy to take a look at it for ya.
I'll handle it.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh, David, uh, one more thing.
Do you think maybe we
could turn the heat up
just like a skosh, just a little bit?
Goodnight, Terry.
Yeah, okay, all right, good night.
Hey, buddy! Morning.
Come on now, grab a seat.
This is all very nice, but
you didn't have to do this.
Oh, nonsense now.
A working man like you
deserves a well-balanced meal.
All right, I got fresh fruit,
and I hope you like your bacon crispy.
Mhm, you know I do.
This is lovely. Thank you.
After everything you've done for Terry
these past few days, and now
me, it's the least we can do.
Yeah, look, David,
we're real sorry about
all that sh*t last night.
I know I shouldn't have
barged in like that, it's just-
Hey, hey, whoa, baby, baby, listen now.
Don't go messin' up your pretty
face with them cryin' tears.
It's just so embarrassing.
Hey, whoa, now. It's not embarrassing.
Hard times are nothin' to be
ashamed of, ain't that right?
Look, David, I ain't too
good at asking for things.
That being said, you
think there's any chance
the two of us might be able to
stay here through Christmas?
And, look, hey, we're happy to
help out around here any way we can.
You know, we'll do chores or run errands.
We ain't tryin' to leech.
I know this is all very sudden,
but we don't have anywhere else.
That's all right, Lexi.
I understand your pain and
frustration, I really do,
and you're right, I am
involved in your situation,
perhaps even more than you know.
However, I have been praying
about this all morning
and I've decided that I'd like to help.
That is, if you're willing to be helped.
I've counseled several couples
and I've seen firsthand how God's love
can strengthen relationships
and save lives.
Also, our Christmas Eve
midnight mass is this Saturday.
I'd like for you both to be there.
There's no need for chores
or anything like that.
Simply let go and let God.
Let go and let God, I like that.
If you're willing to
open yourselves to Him,
I'm willing to open my door to you.
Well, hot damn, David,
you got yourself a deal!
Sign us up.
Oh, hold on, amigo.
Hey, look, man, we don't
need any tamales today,
but maybe come back tomorrow or something.
Terry, it's all right.
This is Rigo, our church pianist.
Oh, whoops.
Sorry about that.
Now, Terry, please remember
that we should not dismiss people
simply because we don't
immediately know them.
Christ welcomed all into his home,
even if he was just a guest.
Right, right, no, you're right.
I'm sorry about that, buddy.
Do you want a beer or something, man?
And Terry, please also
remember our agreement.
No alcohol 'til after dinner.
Dinner, right.
All right, boys, I'm headed
to drop off some more applications,
so y'all have a good day.
Go get 'em, baby.
I like your hair.
Bye!
Mm, mm, mm.
Let's go upstairs.
Hey, you boys have fun now.
Uh, who were
those people back there?
They're God's lost children.
They have expressed interest
in joining the church,
so I'm helping them out through Christmas.
Oh, I see.
Are you allowed to have a
woman living here, Father?
It's not a parsonage,
Rigo. It's a house.
It's my house, and you'd know,
if you'd read my post the other day,
that Jesus often broke Sabbath
laws in order to help others.
Well, of course he did. Um, I'm sorry.
Why don't you show me what you got?
Wash me in the blood, Lord
I'm a disciple
Put down the GL*CK,
instead picked up the Bible
I was swimming with the sharks
No air, I'm going under
Darkness in my life, I'm
blind, no Stevie Wonder
It's okay. Keep going.
Kickin' that pure heroin for the Lord
Christ, you hold the throne
I'll swing the sword
Terry, please
turn the music down.
I mean it, now!
Okay, I'm coming in.
Oh, oh God.
Whoa, hey!
I'm sorry.
Hey, David, whoa, hold on, man, hold on.
Sorry about that.
I just thought I'd, you know,
crank one out while Lexi was away.
It's fine. It's all right.
I just needed you to turn down the music.
Oh, oh, I'm sorry about that.
I didn't think it was
going to be a big deal
'cause it was the middle
of the day and all.
It isn't, it's totally fine.
Just, Rigo and I were recording upstairs.
Oh, yeah? What you
recording, some music?
Church music.
Cool.
Well, hey, you need a vocalist,
you let me know, all right?
I got wicked pipes.
Oh, the Devil don't know my name
I'm gonna go finish up, man.
The Devil don't know my name, woo, oh
Father, you sure you're all right?
Yes, I'm fine.
Just a funny feeling in my stomach.
Nothing a good night's rest won't fix.
Want me to get you
anything from the store?
Oh, no thank you,
that won't be necessary.
Let's reschedule for tomorrow night, okay?
Father, you know we can always
record at my place, right?
It's all right, Rigo.
This house is for everyone.
Devil don't know my name
Devil don't know my name
Hey, man, listen, Lexi just brought home
a whole f*ck ton of chicken.
All the fixings too,
so you should come downstairs
and have dinner with us.
That's all right. You
two enjoy yourselves.
Well, now, hold on, David.
Listen.
It sounds like she had a real good day,
and, well, those ain't too
easy to come by lately.
I don't know, something
like a family dinner
might really help sweeten the pot.
I see.
Well, you think about it.
So I went down to the
Penguin Point down the road
and I put in an application,
and they sent me home with all of this.
Look at all this sh*t!
I mean, that's gotta be
a good sign, right David?
They'd be foolish not to hire you.
Aw.
Anyways, what'd you boys do today?
You know, hung out.
I listened to David and
Rigo record some fat tunes.
Oh, do you have a band?
Oh, no, nothing like that.
Well, Rigo makes beats and then
sort of flows over the top.
I'm his producer, as well as his manager,
a sort of spiritual guide so to speak.
The church supports his efforts.
Spreading God's words
through lyrical means.
So, you mean he, like,
raps about God and sh*t?
Not rap, necessarily.
It's more of a warm, welcoming flow.
Oh, I got a warm flow.
But, yes, all in the name with the Lord.
Physical attendance at mass can fluctuate,
but this allows us to
reach people at home,
at work, or even at the gym.
Rigo has a certain urban appeal
that the kids find exciting.
I think it's a great idea.
Don't you, Terry?
Oh, what?
Oh, yeah, no, that's way wicked.
Yes, Rigo's come a long
way since we first met.
You know, his story is not
so different from your own.
I found him sleeping in a bathroom
at a truck stop only 10 months ago.
He was broke, homeless, and in
desperate need of a new start
when I heard what sounded
like the voice of an angel
coming from the stall next to me.
He's living proof that God's
love can transform lives,
but only if you're willing
to set sail for new lands.
That's a real pretty story, David,
but I'm a little hung up on one part.
What were you doing in
that truck stop bathroom?
I'm just f*ck' with you, man.
I would like for you both
to have this.
It's the same one I
lent Rigo some time ago.
Allow it to strengthen
your relationship with God.
Let it spark curiosity
about the mysteries of life.
There's a great deal
of wisdom and insight spoken throughout.
Love, relationships, and
most importantly marriage
are not simply about loving one another.
They're about loving
one another through God
in what we call the transcendental third.
Now, the concept of transcendental third
strengthens the relationship,
because it moves us away from
a kind of shared egotism.
Relationships dissolve far too often
because the focus lies
merely on one another,
but when we fall in love
with the good of God's will,
we enter into a relationship with him,
thus allowing ourselves to attain
more stable and peaceful relationships.
Hold on, I'm sorry, David.
I'm sorry, hold on. There's
some wicked sh*t in here.
Listen to this, listen to this.
Book of Hosea, chapter 13.
"The people of Samaria
must bear their guilt"
because they have rebelled against God.
They will be dashed to the ground,
"their pregnant women ripped open."
Ew.
I mean, this God character's a bad a*s.
Keeping his women in line
and his enemies in check.
I should note that that
passage is from the Old Testament
and we really should be
focusing on the New Testament,
as that contains the spoken,
living word of Christ
All right, I mean, I
hear you, but I don't know,
I'm kind of digging the Old.
This is some gangster sh*t.
Oh, don't give me that side eye.
I'm just having a little fun.
There ain't nothing fun,
or funny about pregnant
women getting ripped open.
No one's saying there is.
You know what, I got an idea.
How about we have a drink?
Lighten the mood a little bit.
Come on, David, it's way
past the dinner bell.
I shouldn't.
Oh, come on now, look, listen, listen.
- We did your thing, right?
- Mhm.
We had Bible study time.
Now you do our thing.
This a give and take.
Just one drink and we'll call it square.
All right, look, you can
bless it if you have to.
You know he ain't gonna
stop 'til you say yes.
She's right.
I think that's what
attracted me to him in the first place.
He's like this big, wet dog
that you just wanna take
inside and towel off.
Well, I guess you were
bit of a stray p*ssy
when I found you too.
Oh, what'd you just call me?
Hey, c'mon, baby, I'm
just playing around.
You know you're the finest
woman I ever did meet.
Mhm!
Except for Crystal Peters
Who the hell is Crystal Peters?
Now I told you about Crystal Peters.
I told you like five times.
You never listen to me.
Crystal Peters was the
first girl I kissed.
- It was fifth grade.
- Oh, right.
It was truth or dare behind
J.T. Whitwall's house.
David, I swear to God,
sometimes I still taste that girl.
I love Truth or Dare,
but my favorite was
always Never Have I Ever.
Never have I ever, ever what?
Never Have I Ever.
It's where you take turns
saying stuff you've never done,
and if they've done it,
then they have to drink.
That's how I found out, at Thanksgiving,
that my Uncle Begos eats a*s.
We should play.
Look, why does everything
gotta be a God damn game?
Why can't we just have a drink?
I'm sorry, Pops, are you scared to lose?
I'll play.
I'll play if David plays.
I can't, really.
I should be getting to
my work for the evening.
Oh, David, come
on. You can play with wine.
I really shouldn't.
Come on, David, look,
you're already drinking.
Don't leave me alone at the kids' table.
Um, are you sure you
wanna be doing that?
Whoa, don't.
What the hell does that mean?
Hey, don't challenge her, buddy.
She'll drink us both under the table.
Watch.
No, oh, look what you did.
I told you, hey, that was mine!
Still think I can't hang?
That's not what I meant.
I was just trying to-
Look, look, David, David, David.
You got plenty of time to work on
your big speech for Saturday, okay?
You're just gonna have
a couple drinks with us,
a few laughs, play a few rounds,
then you can go upstairs,
and finish what you
gotta finish, all right?
It's no big deal.
Come on, David, please.
Come on, David.
Please?
Play with us.
There we go!
That's what I'm talkin' about, woo!
Let's go!
All right, I'll get us started.
Never have I ever rang a doorbell,
and since we have all rang
a doorbell, we all drink.
All right, I got it now.
No, David, you gotta sh**t it.
I really can't.
No, you gotta sh**t it, David.
Come on, now. It's wine.
It goes down easy.
Just, I don't know,
pretend it's Jesus'
blood or whatever you do.
Ignore him.
Down the hatch.
All right, there you go.
Never have I ever
played Never Have I Ever.
Okay, baby, we get it.
We got it now.
Never have I ever fallen out of a tree.
Oh, just me, huh?
Mhm, never have I ever
been bitten by a raccoon.
Oh, okay, now you're just
pickin' apart the same story.
This is one time, one time.
It was a whole big thing.
You should've seen this thing
come flying out of this dumpster.
Never have I ever
been sent to the principal's
office, actually.
Ooh.
David!
Look at bad boy David over here.
Trouble maker!
Um, never have I ever
missed mass on Sunday.
Well, you got me there.
All right, go again.
Never have I ever
eaten meat on Fridays during lent.
I have no idea what that
is, so I probably have.
What the f*ck is lent?
I don't know.
Your turn, Terry.
I'm still thinkin' about
it. You go ahead, baby.
Um, never have I ever
been kicked out of a club.
What the f*ck ain't you drinking for?
We both got kicked out of The Tit
on Valentine's Day last year.
Oh, sh*t, I forgot about that
Yeah, of course you did.
I had to carry her a*s out of there.
- Ooh.
- David!
You did not!
It was a long time ago.
Details.
It was just a club.
What kind of club, like-
Oh, you know, it was a regular club,
you know, one with guys,
and girls, of course.
Never have I ever been in handcuffs,
both because of and not
because of the police.
Ow!
She's f*ck' with me.
Come here, David.
Lexi and I, we got this kink, right?
She'll dress up like a police officer,
and I put on this bandit's costume
and my hands are cuffed behind my back.
We call it "c*ck and robbers".
Look at you!
You drinkin' when you didn't even have to.
Oh, I knew you had it in you, David.
- You know, I'm sorry.
- I really need to go.
No, no, no, no, come on now.
David, where's the fire?
We're just playing.
Whose turn is it anyway?
It's yours, if
you can think of anything.
Okay, no, it's my turn, my turn.
Never have I ever...
Seen my mama naked.
All right, look, I gotta say it.
I'm sorry, no offense, but, uh,
this f*cking painting is
creeping me the f*ck out.
I mean, I'm sorry, but I just feel like
she's sitting here with
us just judging me,
or her head's too big.
No, no, please don't touch her.
No, look, I'm just
going to turn her around.
It's not, no, no, no,
no, look, she's fine.
She's fine. She's fine.
I just can't do this with her watching.
Oh, lookie there.
Soon as mama goes away,
David comes out to play!
All right, let's do it!
Never have I ever, never have I ever,
never have I ever, never have I ever
heard somebody else having sex.
Never have I ever
walked in on somebody cranking one out.
Never have I ever-
Been homeless.
Cold-blooded, this one right here.
That's cold, David. That's cold.
I like him.
Yeah, I like him too.
I'm sorry, I'm very...
I'm very drunk.
Never have I ever f*cked a man.
Far too much.
Woo.
Oh, no, no smoking in the house please.
It's only vapor.
You wanna try it?
No, I gave up smoking back in seminary.
Me and the guys would go
through like a pack a week.
There's no nicotine.
It's harmless.
Lexi, baby, you should
probably tell him.
Tell him that that ain't tobacco.
That ain't tobacco, David.
You gotta tell him, Lexi.
Tell him that that ain't tobacco.
That ain't tobacco, David, uh-uh.
That's that Devil's weed.
Never have I ever
wanted to kiss a priest.
I knew it.
I knew it.
Oh, come on now.
Can you really blame me?
I mean, look at him,
Handsome man, confident,
full of conviction.
He knows what he likes
and what he doesn't like.
I think that's sexy.
Plus, it really got me going
when he came in and caught
me cranking one out earlier.
And when did this happen?
You were gone, no big deal.
It's got me all juiced up, is all.
It was an honest mistake.
Sure thing, David. Sure it was.
You boys just like
keepin' secrets from me, huh?
Have a little boy time while mommy's away.
I'm sorry, mama.
I'm sorry.
Morning, sleepyhead.
Did you get the goodies I laid out for ya?
Um, I don't remember
going to bed last night.
Well, we carried you.
I hope I put on your mask the right way.
I was pretty sloshed myself.
You should get something in your stomach.
Are you two, uh, here today, or?
Actually, I got a call
back from Penguin Point,
so I'll be gone for a little bit.
Fingers crossed.
What is so damn funny?
Well, you're playing
with my foot. It tickles.
Okay.
Forgive me, for I have sinned.
I strayed from your path
and fell prey to temptation
when I know I should not have.
I wanted friendship, companionship,
and I lost sight of your path, O Lord.
Hello?
Rigo!
What are you doing here?
Sorry, Father.
I'm just printing out the
music for mass tomorrow.
I heard footsteps, and,
voices.
Well, it's just me here.
All right, well, you
still down for tonight?
To record?
Oh, right, of course.
Actually, let's do tomorrow
instead, in the morning?
I have work yet to do tonight.
David, hey!
Just in time for a beer, bubba.
No.
No more drinking from here on out,
and for the last time-
Hold on, hold on, hold on, what?
No smoking inside.
No smoking in the house, no fun, David.
No more heavy metal music, cursing,
or drugs of any kind, understand?
Yeah, I-
Understand?
All right, yeah, listen,
all right, I hear you.
Come on, man, I'm reading the Bible.
I'm actually learning a lot.
A couple of drinks and some wicked tunes
ain't gonna change that.
My house, my rules.
Last night was a mistake.
No more substances.
Mhm.
Now clean up this mess,
gather whatever booze you have left,
and meet me in the kitchen.
Wait, what?
Aw.
And the cocaine.
All right, look, I
promise I won't have it out
around the house again,
but I need it, all right?
It ain't gonna be pretty otherwise.
A deal is a deal.
f*ck!
All right, it's down, it's
gone, it's all gone, stop!
Don't you feel better now?
I'd rather sleep under a bridge.
You'll get them back once
we finish your counseling.
Are you sure that's everything?
Yeah.
No more hard rock music,
nothing with profane lyrics,
or suggestive themes.
No, that's it, that's all of it!
Well, there's a box of old
gospel tapes in the attic
if you'd like me to look for them.
No, thank you.
Oh, sh*t, hey, I meant
to give this back to you.
Where did...
Where did you get this?
Oh, you left it in here last night.
You took it off right before we f*cked.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
before we laid down together.
But that didn't really...
That didn't happen.
Well, of course it did, David.
I mean, the three of us went at it in here
like we was at Sodom and Gomorrah.
Although there was a little
more Sodom than Gomorrah,
you know what I mean?
Oh my God.
You really don't remember?
God.
Hey, wait, whoa, hey,
you all right, David?
You okay, bud? You don't look so good.
Hey, whoa, David!
Oh, come on, man. You're okay, buddy.
Hey, look, it ain't a big deal.
Lexi and me, we've done it
with tons of people together.
Aw, don't be so hard on yourself.
We had fun, man!
I am a priest, Terry!
Yeah, well, you know, we
ain't gonna tell nobody.
Look, everybody takes it in
the rear sooner or later.
Okay, all right, I'm sorry.
Look, man, you just came into our room
all horned up after we put you to bed.
Seemed like a good idea.
We were all pretty twisted.
Oh, you got the hiccups?
Oh, hey, I got a family remedy.
Works every time, all right?
You just hang right there.
I'll get you some water and a spoon.
"The Garden of Eden,"
the birthplace of original sin.
Yet however wicked and
overgrown that garden may be,
there is a place far more dangerous,
a place where m*rder is not
only legalized but celebrated,
inside a mother's womb.
As wretched as this place may
be, I choose to walk among
the ruins of this once great nation,
alone, as Christ once was.
It is by God's hand guiding mine
"that the children of
tomorrow will be saved."
I said I love the way
you ride that d*ck
Baby, you do it like a pro
I love the way you
take it from the bed
Over to the kitchen
Any position and take it in
every hole, even on the floor
Hey!
Turn it off, now!
Hey, whoa, David, hold on now.
Lexi got the job, man.
We're celebrating!
Come on, dance with us.
Hey, hey!
Where did you get this?
Look, it's not a big deal.
So I found another tape.
Are you gonna congratulate her or what?
Yeah, David, congratulate me.
Congratulations on the job.
We're all very proud of you,
but I'm afraid I have no more
patience for lewd behavior.
Now, if the two of you want to
continue to stay in
this house, in my house,
then you will gather your
toys from last night,
and you will meet me in the backyard.
Our next lesson is about to begin.
Oh, God damn, look at that!
Are you kidding
me? That's our sh*t!
The burning of impurities.
From this point forward,
we forget everything about last night.
Oh, oh, David, is
that what this is about?
Look, man, if you wanna forget
all the f*cking and sucking,
that's fine, but don't burn our sh*t, man.
It's not cool!
From the ashes of
destruction comes new life.
I have these, for each of you.
What the?
That dress belonged to my mother.
I'd like for you to wear it.
Well, that's awful nice of him,
don't you think, baby?
It's what a man and a woman should wear.
Yeah, it's warm.
But, while he was considering this,
an angel of the Lord came
to him in a dream and said,
"Joseph, do not be afraid to
take Mary home as your wife,"
for what is conceived in
her is of the Holy Spirit.
She will give birth to a son
and you will give him the name Jesus,
"and he will be a savior to his people."
So, you see, Mary and Joseph stuck it out,
for the future of their child, our savior!
We never know what the
unborn have in store for us,
much less for the lives of others,
but what we can never
do is abandon said life
for fear of ridicule or concern
over the world in which it enters,
and so have you two
considered getting married,
or having children of your own?
I mean, well, I think we'll make
real wicked parents, I do.
As for marriage, I mean, sure.
I'll do anything for her.
Marriage is our most sacred union.
A strong, healthy partnership is needed
to properly raise a child.
I was raised by a single mother.
Well, look at where you are now.
f*ck you!
Hey, baby, now don't-
- Allow me to quote.
- What?
That's not what he
was talking about, okay?
He was saying that if
we're going to have a kid,
- maybe we should be married.
- Chapter 127, 3:5.
You know, for tax purposes or something.
Do you two even f*cking hear yourselves?
You can read from a book
all you f*cking want,
but what do you actually f*cking know?
If marriage is so important-
Blessed be the man!
Where is your wife?
Oh, hold on, baby.
- That ain't fair.
- Terry.
- Terry.
- Don't say that.
It's okay. Let her go.
She needs time alone with the Lord.
I mean, ever since the garden, right?
You've been reading.
Yeah, I have. Yeah, a little bit.
You had mentioned,
when you first arrived,
that she was acting,
I think you said overly hormonal.
An understatement.
Has that gotten any better?
No. If anything, it's gotten worse.
And she hasn't given
you any kind of indication
as to why that might be?
No, not that I can...
Why? Did she say something to you?
No.
I'm sure she'll come to
her senses soon enough.
You know it, I
know it, even David knows it.
Well, then how
about you two f*ggots run off
and get married, have kids,
and f*ck each other all you
want if he's so f*cking great?
That is our
host you're talking about.
You show the man some respect.
Respect? He set our sh*t on fire!
Have you heard the way he talks to us?
He is just trying to help, Lexi!
Maybe if you clean the f*cking
bullshit out of your ears,
you could hear what he has to say!
David, David, listen to me.
This was not my fault,
okay? It was her fault.
You're so full of sh*t!
Enough!
Get away from her!
A dust pan and a broom, quickly.
It wasn't my fault.
David, here.
You put Mama in this, okay?
What if I go get the vacuum?
We can suck up all of
the bits of her and we-
You've done enough for one night.
Say your prayers, and
go to bed, both of you.
David?
David, you awake, buddy?
You got company downstairs.
What do you think?
We just felt so awful
about last night, you know?
So, we went up in the attic
and did a little digging,
and thought it might be time
to deck the halls, so to speak.
Don't she just look so
cute in her little hat?
These guests, something
about them is not right.
They are God's lost children
finding their way home.
It's not just them, it's
you, and the recent posts.
The posts?
And the drinking and just everything.
You mean the posts you've yet to share?
I don't know what to make of all of it.
Or is this your comment?
I don't like what they imply.
There are no implications,
Rigo, only direct action.
That is how His message spreads,
like wildfire across barren lands.
What message are you even talking about?
How dare you question me?
I found you sleeping in a
public restroom, all right?
Not the other way around!
And if you can't find
acceptance for others
the way that I accepted you,
then pray, Rigo, pray for forgiveness.
You know what? Forget it.
Just leave.
Our congregation will do
just fine without you.
What congregation?
Man, I don't know if you noticed,
but nobody has stepped
foot in that m*therf*cker
for weeks, all right?
You're out there talking
to imaginary people.
Yo, there's nobody there. It's just me.
If defying your people
is what you choose to do,
then so be it.
God doesn't need you and neither do I.
Music's a distraction anyway.
Pray, pray that you may know His message.
His message?
You've twisted His message
around so much that
you don't even know what it means anymore.
Leave!
Rigo!
Everything all right, buddy?
I must tend to my church.
The church is closed.
Come back another time.
But, Father, it's me.
I've come to seek your
guidance one last time.
Although, I must confess my true identity.
I am a wolf among His flock,
a mirage in the red sand,
that slithering sound
whistling in the grass,
crimson and black, the one
who scorched the earth.
I was there in the beginning,
and I'll certainly outlive the end.
I am
The Leech.
David, hey!
Where you been, buddy?
Baby, David's back.
Listen, we gotta talk, man.
Not now.
No, we, uh, it's real important.
It's about Lexi, she's, uh-
I'm pregnant.
She's pregnant.
Well, of course you are.
I'm glad you finally decided to tell him.
David, there's a chance it's yours, man.
I mean, we both popped off in her.
It doesn't matter whose it is.
I'm getting rid of it.
Hey, whoa, you're not doing
any such thing, all right?
We agreed we were gonna talk
to David before we decided,
so just shut up for a second.
We haven't agreed to
sh*t, and I'm done arguing!
It's my body and I'm getting it out of me!
Hey, stop calling it an it!
Okay, that "it" that you're talking about?
It belongs to-
Silence!
I see what's happening here.
Hey.
You're trying to blackmail me.
Hey, hold on now.
You wanna ruin my reputation.
What? What do you want?
Is it money? Is that it?
- Is that what you're after?
- Hey, hold on.
You know what? Back up, David.
Where do you even get
off saying such a thing?
She's been pregnant this entire time.
She came to confession last week
and she told me everything
about her eviction,
you, the loser dad, wanting an ab*rtion!
It's the only reason I let
her in in the first place.
It's the whole reason for all of this!
It's for the good of your child!
I know I gave you my word,
but enough is enough.
You have to tell him.
Wait, tell me what?
It's time to tell him.
Wait, tell me what?
David, I have not
stepped foot in a church
since I was a kid.
The first time you and
I met was right here.
Yeah.
You unholy b*tch.
- You lie!
- Oh, are you really
- gonna f*cking do this?
- Hey, whoa, whoa!
Hey, don't you f*cking talk
to my woman like that now!
You need to apologize right now!
Why not? She calls you
a loser behind your back.
I do not do that,
and I never stepped foot in
your shitty church either!
Fine, then I want you out!
I want you both out of my house, now!
Lexi, don't you f*cking move.
We're not going anywhere.
Why are you trying to reason with him?
He's crazy. Just look at him!
He's not crazy! David, don't touch me.
Don't touch me, David! David,
I'm warning you, don't.
David, please, listen!
Hey, hey, hey!
I want my home back!
Oh yeah?
Hey, stop it!
Stop it, stop it!
sh*t!
Lexi.
Lexi.
Hey.
Baby, please, all right?
I said how sorry I was.
It was an accident.
I just don't understand
why we can't just all have
a couple of f*cking drinks
and iron this sh*t out.
Look at what you did to my face!
I know. I'm sorry, okay?
I'm sorry. Just stop f*cking packing.
Will you just stop f*cking
packing and listen to me?
Now, listen, David has the house, right?
And you got the job, and I can
just stay home with the kid.
I don't even understand
what the f*cking problem is.
You're the only one that wants this.
It's over.
Oh, you don't tell me when it's over.
You don't f*cking tell me when it's over.
Yes, I do.
I'm getting this thing flushed out of me
first thing in the morning.
You will do no such thing!
Are you calling the cops, David?
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
I sure would hate to tell
them what's going on here.
Or, hell, maybe one of
them big city newspapers
that just loves to do reporting
on holy folk gone bad.
Remind me again, where did you find Rigo?
A truck stop bathroom?
Tell me, how old was he when
you brought him home, David?
How many other boys have you brought home?
Yeah.
Look, I really am sorry
to do this to you, buddy.
I didn't want it to come to this,
but you know I got a
family to look after now.
You understand, right?
Why don't you go get yourself cleaned up?
You've got midnight
mass tonight, remember?
December 25th,
the birth of our Lord, our savior.
Savior of what?
What has man done to deserve salvation?
God sent his only son to
Earth to save mankind.
So what?
Maybe man doesn't want to be saved.
Does the Bible not tell us
to lock our doors at night?
We did so, when the angel
of death flew about,
k*lling as it did,
and perhaps these death
angels are among us still.
Do you hear me?
Hell has sent its
extermination squad to Earth,
and still, you do nothing!
I tell you now, repent!
Pray that God may save
your soul before you too
are taken by that cold
swift breeze in the night.
Do you hear me?
Do any one of you understand
a single God damn thing I'm saying?
I do, Father.
You taught me so much.
How to be a better man,
that a family that prays
together stays together,
words to live by,
your words.
My words are His words,
and His words will be heard.
David!
David, you gotta help me, man!
You gotta help me.
I f*cked up so bad this time, David.
I really f*cked it up. She
wouldn't listen to me, David.
She was gonna leave us,
man! She was gonna leave us!
What did you do to her?
She was going to leave us, David!
She wouldn't f*cking listen to me!
I don't know what's
happening to me, David.
What is that?
It's Mama, David, it's Mama!
I snorted Mama!
I snorted Mama!
Oh, David!
I snorted Mama, David!
Don't worry. We're keeping it.
That's not...
That's not possible!
I told you I needed it!
I told you I needed it!
It's a Christmas miracle, I suppose.
We're a family now.
What did he do to you?
He knocked some sense into me.
Are you here to knock some
sense into me too, David?
We'll all be a family, soon enough.
Look what I got for you, momma.
Just loving each other
through loving you.
This is what you wanted!
Please, God, please tell me
what it is you want me to do.
I have strayed from your path.
I have sinned and I have struggled.
But please.
Please, God. Let me be your
messenger on Earth once more.
Please, God, guide me by your hand.
Thy will be done.
David?
David?
No, David!
Come here, David!
Let me in!
God help me!
No, I want my house back, now!
Oh my God, Rigo?
Oh, God, Rigo.
Hey, is he giving you
sh*t in there again?
Oh no.
Oh, whoa, man.
You, how are you...
What?
What's Rigo doing here?
Well, he came over to apologize.
He even brought us a big
ol' plate of cookies.
Some place to raise a child.
Oh, yeah, no, he's dead as f*ck.
Yeah, we're going to
have to burn that body.
Hey, what are you doing?
Get off your feet, all right?
We gotta go downstairs!
May I come in?
Yeah, of course.
Is everything okay?
There's nothing to worry
about. I took care of everything.
Here, this herbal tea will
help settle the nerves.
It's a family recipe.
Thank you.
Here you go, baby. Careful, it's hot.
Go on now.
Oh, please, it's Christmas,
a time for new beginnings.
Come on, what do you say?
Oh, David, Lexi and I were just talking,
and we decided on a name for the baby.
We want to name him David.
Merry Christmas to you both.
Merry Christmas, David.
I have a gift for each of
you, but for now, let us rest.
You can have it first
thing in the morning.
Away in a manger
No crib for a bed
The little Lord Jesus
Lay down his sweet head
The stars in the sky
Looked down where He lay
The little Lord Jesus
Asleep on the hay
The cattle are lowing
The poor baby awakes
But little Lord Jesus
No crying He makes
I love you, Lord Jesus
Look down from the sky
And stay by my cradle
'Til morning is nigh
I will.
Be near me, Lord Jesus
I ask you to stay
Close by me forever
And love me, I pray
Bless all the dear children
In your tender care
And take us to heaven
To live with you there
h*, h*, h*
Time to get busy, time to prepare
Christmas is in the air
Have to work, as a busy bee
To decorate the Christmas tree
Or wrap a gift or write some cards
The 12 days of Christmas
means busy time
Any old Christmas at ours tonight
Have to decorate the house with lights
Cook a turkey and bake a pie
And gingerbread if Santa comes by
Hurry up, you're just in time
Soon, the bells of
Christmas will chime
Time to get busy, time to prepare
Christmas is in the air
Time to get busy, time to prepare
Christmas is in the air
Oh, oh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, yeah
Ooh, ooh, ooh
Clean the house, make things glow
Find a place to hang the mistletoe
Play your favorite Christmas song
And if you got the time, sing along
Hurry up, you're just in time
Soon, the bells of
Christmas will chime
Time to get busy, time to prepare
Christmas is in the air
Hurry up, you're just in time
Soon, the bells of
Christmas will chime
Time to get busy, time to prepare
Christmas is in the air
Time to get busy, time to prepare
Christmas is in the air
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Leech, The (2022)
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