Witch's Night Out (1978)

[bunniefuu]

(Witch)

Just you wait my darling

until you meet

your gracious hostess.

(Peter Rochon and Saga)

Witch Magic

-Hoo!

[growl]

- Hey Tender,

nobody will know who we are.

- Hi Small, we are going

to scare everybody.

I love Halloween.

-Me too.

[footsteps]

-I hate Halloween.

[grunting]

-Yes, Malicious.

It's rotten, rotten,

rotten, rotten.

- You know, Halloween is

for children.

I mean, I would not

want to see grown-up

adults running around

in silly costumes.

[laugh]

-Oh, I don't know, Goodly.

I think the dressing-up is

just immature,

but Halloween surely,

it could be nice for everybody.

-Ew.

- I mean, I think

it's important that

adults need to

express themselves.

- What we need, is something

to make Halloween meaningful

to adults as people.

Yes, my friends.

With community

cooperation, a little

brainstorming, listing

our priorities,

we could achieve a really

definitive Halloween experience.

Get people involved.

For instance...

- Couldn't we have a party

or something?

- Party smutty dress up

like monkeys

and hang from the chandeliers.

- You can just go

as your own, Rotten.

-Yes?

Why don't you rent yourself out

as a spook,

you would make a fortune.

-No, no, you two.

I think we could have

a nice party.

We could decorate some place

as a haunted house.

-Right on, Nicely.

I know where there is

a haunted house.

- The old empty house

on the edge of town.

-Exactly.

What we need to do is organize,

delegate responsibility,

while I intend to make this

the most important Halloween

this town has ever seen.

Nicely, you phone everybody and

invite them to a Halloween party

they will never forget.

And you, Malicious,

you look after the food.

Good, candy, kisses, pumpkin

pie, taffy apples, etc., etc.

And I, Goodly, will investigate

the old empty house

that people seem to think is

a... a...

-Haunted.

-Haunted?

Ah, quite right.

Yes.

Rotten, you shall accompany me.

-Oh, really?

Yes, well, I mean sure.

But no... why not!

[giggle]

(together)

Well, off we go.

[laugh]

[instrumental music]

[bird cawing]

[loud breathing]

-I'm a washed-up witch.

A fainted flower.

Look at me.

Here it is Halloween

and not one call,

and I have been waiting all day.

It wasn't always

like this for me.

Back in the old days,

I was a star in demand.

I turned princes into frogs

twice a week.

I could grant every wicked wish

in the book.

See this magic wand?

Magic power going to waste.

[instrumental music]

Watch this.

[miaowing]

What a performance.

[laugh]

Now, nobody wants me.

Halloween, and I am unemployed.

Please, somebody call.

[knocks on the door]

Knock?

[creaking of the door]

-Boy, look at this dump.

It's really rotten.

-A total wreck.

An absolute disaster.

What a run-down mess.

(Rotten)

No one has been here for years.

It's perfect.

- Well, we will put

the stereo over there.

-Yes.

-The food over there.

-Yes, yes.

- We will clear

a big dancing space.

-Yes.

-And we are all set.

-Yes.

[miaowing]

- Why I have left

my black late bloomers?

A party!

Oh, I am having a party.

Tonight.

Just you wait my darlings

until you meet

your gracious hostess.

[laughs]

[instrumental music]

-Look out for the air.

- Come on, Small,

we will scare them all.

-Oh, yes.

-Boo.

[grunting]

-Trick of treat.

-Well, it's Small and Tender.

Oh, don't you look cute.

-Cute?

-Did you hear that?

-Cute?

[grunting]

-Trick or treat.

-My, my, Small and Tender.

Here is a little something

for you.

-OK Small, this is awful.

-It's the pits.

[grunting]

(together)

Trick of treat

Smell my feet

Give me something good

to eat

-Well, well.

Look who is here.

Small and Tender.

Oh, I'm so scared.

Here, have one of my famous

party hors d'oeuvre.

-What are they?

-What are they?

-Salty meringues.

-Oh, it's yucky.

-Ugh.

- Why don't you acquire taste,

you little brat.

(Rotten)

Guess who?

Small and Tender.

Looking for handouts?

- Here is some for you too,

sonny.

What kind of monster are you?

- Don't get smart with me,

Malicious.

-Don't worry.

You will be the last to know.

Now, help me carry

the rest of this food.

Look out, Rotten!

You are squashing

a pepperoni peppermint.

-Halloween is not near fun.

We didn't scare anybody.

-Everybody recognised us.

They all knew who we were.

- Guess who is

your babysitter tonight!

(together)

Bazooey! Bazooey!

- Are you going to read us

a story?

-Will you do a story, please?

-Oh, sure.

How about

a spooky Halloween story?

-Pooey.

I'm set up with Halloween.

-It's boring.

-Oh... oh OK.

Hmm, well here is one about

a fairy godmother.

(Tender)

OK, good.

-Now.

This fairy godmother lived

in a beautiful castle

with a shimmering gold roof

and diamond...

[miaowing]

(Witch)

Oh, my audience arrives.

Welcome darlings to a petrifying

performance from "Full

fear for frights".

I will turn the pumpkin pie

into spider stew.

I will turn the taffy apples

into lizards.

I will transform the hors

d'oeuvres into a beetle.

-Hey, interesting.

-Great idea, hey.

(a man) Boy, you don't see

staircases like this anymore.

They just don't put that kind

of work into things anymore.

- And the fairy godmother turn

the frog into a handsome prince.

And they lived

happily ever after.

-Gee, Bazooey.

We could have used

a fairy godmother tonight.

- We got all dressed up

and didn't scare anybody.

If we had a fairy godmother,

she could change me

into a real ghost.

-And a real wolfman.

[laugh]

- Well, there is really

no such thing

as a fairy godmother.

- I wish I could be

a real wolfman.

- I-I wish I could be

a real ghost.

(Small) I wish I could

be a real wolfman.

(Tender) I wish I could

be a real ghost.

(Small echoing)

I wish...

-A call.

A call!

My word, two engagements

on the same evening.

Don't go away, people.

I shall return.

[roar]

[glass shatter]

[creaking]

Ta-da!

(Tender)

A fairy godmother.

-Fairy godmother, my foot.

That's a wicked witch.

-So OK, I ain't the Avon lady.

I just know I heard

the Halloween wishes

of little children.

Someone wants to be

a real wolfman.

Now, who might that be, hmm?

-Me, me.

Can I be a real wolfman, please?

Please!

-No, Small, don't do it.

- Bow down pal, can't you see

the kids got a real need, here?

Very well, young man.

Prepare to have

your wish come true.

-No, no!

-Yes, yes!

(Witch)

Happy Halloween, Small.

[grunting]

[laugh]

Look at me, look at me.

(Tender)

Gee, Small.

That's terrific.

- Can I be a real ghost,

please, please, please?

-No, no!

-Yes, yes!

- Steady my dear as I utilize

the power of my magic wand.

[buzzing]

-Hoo.

(Small)

Yippee, Tender.

You're really mean.

(Bazooey)

Stop!

Stop, I'm the babysitter.

How am I going to explain this?

-Will you relax?

Watch an old pro, here.

(Bazooey)

Wow.

(Which)

You see?

[laugh]

Harmless amusement.

What could go wrong, hmm?

Tell me, my boy.

What is your name?

-Bazooey.

-Bazooey.

What would you really,

really like to be

on the scary old Halloween

night, hmm?

[unclear mumbling]

-I don't know.

I don't know.

Hmm.

Oh, I... I want to be

a Frankenstein monster.

-What an inspired choice.

This will be a personal triumph.

(Tender and Small)

Oh, do it again.

[scream]

[grunting]

[laugh]

(Witch)

Now, darlings.

Allow me to extend to you

a most cordial invitation

to this evening festivites.

Come to my party.

-A Halloween party?

-It's just about to become one.

[buzzing]

-Nice party.

-How are you doing?

-Fine, fine.

(a man)

What are you doing these days?

(a woman)

Oh, same old same.

(a man) Get the coach to call a

kick if they want

to win the game.

[mixed conversations]

-Well,

and now,

a dazzling display

of magical mischief.

-Ew!

-Ah!

-Nicely passed out.

-Already?

-The food.

-Malicious, just like Malicious.

Trust Mallicious.

-Just a ding dong minute.

I put a lot of effort

into these.

Peanut butter corned beef ba*ls.

Chocolate gefilte fish.

Take my kind of taffy apples.

[howling]

-This place is haunted,

-What?

[grunting]

-Monsters!

[cry of fear]

(the crowd)

Monsters.

(a man)

Monsters.

- And now, for a dazzling

display of magical mischief.

[footsteps]

[cry of fear]

[footsteps]

-Ow.

I may be poor

but this is the first time

I have been downtrodden.

[laugh]

Did you see them go?

Oh, my devastated body.

We scared them

out of their minds.

What a riot.

-Everybody was scared of us.

-Gee, nobody knew who we were.

-Well, my sweethearts.

- The party is over

before anybody had any fun.

I guess if you

scare people, they

tend to avoid you, you know.

-Yes, but you don't...

- I don't think I want to scare

people anymore.

-Yes, but...

-Yes, well listen.

I've got to get these little

kids back home again.

So, if you please,

turn us back to us again.

-Yes, but...

Oh, come, come, darlings.

We just started.

The cl*max of the evening

has not... oh.

Hang-on a second.

I'll see if he's laid

something here.

I just don't see it,

right in here.

Oh dear, oh dear.

Some rats stole my magic wand!

(together) You mean we

have to stay like this?

- No, but my little dears,

you look wonderful.

-We won't be able to...

relate to others.

-Even mommy and daddy.

[crying]

-I want to go home.

[instrumental music]

-You have seen those monsters?

-Incredible.

- Small and Tender and Bazooey

are missing.

-I bet the monsters got them.

-Small, Tender and Bazooey?

-The monsters.

-They will get us all.

-We are not safe.

- Malicious, you've

got something

sort of stuck in your hairdo.

- Looks like some kind

of magic wand.

-OK, keep it down.

Over here.

This could be

the real thing, baby.

Try it out.

-What am I supposed to do?

Abracadabra.

Bing bang boui.

-Try something.

Make a wish.

-What do you want?

What do you want!

(Rotten)

I'm starving.

-Hocus Pocus.

Give ma a maraschino liver

burger.

-Wow.

An old gym sock.

That is pretty close.

Try again.

Come on, try again.

-Don't push me.

Hmm, "sispumpa".

Give me a roast turkey

with tuna and raisin stuffing

smothered in whipped cream

and cocoa.

-Ah, I told you.

You get the hang of it now.

It's a bag of garbage.

Great, great!

-It's all my fault.

If it had not been for me,

this catastrophe would never

have taken place.

- Oh, you must not blame

yourself, Goodly.

You can be the leader

you really are.

-Leader?

- I know in my heart

that underneath it all,

those are not bad monsters.

If we could just talk to them.

-Leader.

- They need help and love

and attending,

so they can be rehabilitated

into society.

-You are right, Nicely.

We will strike back.

-What?

No.

-Listen, my friends.

Listen!

Quiet, everybody.

Now I know, we are being a siege

by mysterious and terrifying

monsters.

They have already taken

three of our young people.

But talk will not help us now.

We need action.

We must organize.

Pull together.

Rally our courage.

Strengthen our hearts.

And pursue these frightful

creatures to an end.

We will make this world safe

for our families.

For society.

For democracy.

For the civilizations

of the world.

[cheers]

-Lets go!

- Let's go get the monsters

and rescue the children.

- Look, all we got to do is find

out who stole my magic wand.

Which, my darlings,

is not going to be as difficult

as you might at first suppose.

[babble of voices]

-Oh, oh.

I don't like the looks of this.

-What is going on?

- Come on, there is monsters

on the rampage.

We are going to track them down.

Help!

Monsters, monsters!

Here they are!

(a man)

Here they are?

(a woman)

After them!

-Head for the woods.

- Listen, I don't even know

these peoples.

[babble of voices]

[cry of fear]

[babble of voices]

-This way.

[cry of fear]

[babble of voices]

[cry of fear]

[babble of voices]

[cry of fear]

[babble of voices]

[panting]

-Forget that food, greedy.

That what I want is money.

-We will be rich.

We will be rich!

- I will turn that into

a hunk of pure gold.

Alakazam.

-You are getting there.

You are really cooking.

Try over here.

Turn it onto a pile of money.

-Abracadabra.

[shatter of glass]

-Come on.

We want to get rich.

-Rotten, this is a rotten idea.

-My magic wand it is.

Let's go.

(a man)

The monsters.

(a man)

After them.

[babble of voices]

-You don't know nothing!

Give me that.

Kazaui kazoui kadomimi.

-Ah.

-The monsters!

-Come to mama.

Messed with my magic wand, hmm?

-In here.

[laugh]

-Shh!

-Please, Miss Witch.

You have to understand.

We are just ordinary people.

Well, these kids,

I'm responsible for them.

And I just have to get

the real Tender

and the real Small back home.

Don't get me wrong.

We've had a great time, but

a person just can't go around

being something he is not.

And besides, things have

really gotten out of hand.

-Please, turn us back.

-We want to go home.

-Oh, oh.

(together)

Yay!

-Oh, thank you, Miss Witch.

-Thank you Ms. Witch.

-Thank you fairy godmother.

[babble of voices]

-They come at your heel.

-They are down that way.

[screams]

(a man)

Monsters, monsters.

(Bazooey)

OK, stop!

-Hey, it's Bazooey.

-And Small.

And Tender.

-They are OK.

-Fear not, young people.

You are safe now.

Intrepidly striving

in the face of terrible danger,

we have overcome and captured

these threatful,

disgusting monsters,

that have terrorised this town.

-Those are not monsters.

-That is Rotten.

-And that is Malicious.

-Hmm?

-What?

-What is happening?

-What is going on?

-This is an outrage.

-I demand an explanation.

(a woman)

This has gone past a joke.

-Look at the mess.

-Who is responsible?

Someone is to blame for this.

-Oh boy, let me out of here.

I don't know why

I bother in the first place.

Get's old.

Halloween, stick it in your ear,

dear.

People got no appreciation

these days.

Maybe it is me.

I don't know.

[applause]

[cheers]

- And now, for a dazzling

display of magical monstrosity.

-Bazooey, you are all right.

(Small and Tender)

Do me, do me!

-With pleasure, my sweet.

This is what Halloween is

all about, my darlings.

Everyday we go about our lives

in the same old way.

But once a year, we can be

whatever and whomever we please.

Pretend, let your secret fancies

run wild.

Now you, my dear.

What would you like to become

for one little night, hmm?

- Well, if it would not be

any trouble...

-Trouble?

-Then, I would like to be...

I would really like to be

-Go on, dear, and yes.

-A vampire.

(the crowd)

Ah!

(Witch)

And you, Sir?

-Well, mom, you know,

she always hoped I would be

a saint, perhaps...

(Witch)

An answer to a mother's prayer.

(the crowd)

Ah!

-Bless you, dear lady.

-Could I be a fairy princess?

(Witch)

A veritable Tinkerbell.

(the crowd)

Ah!

(Goodly) I want to be...

I... I... I want to be

Attila the Hun.

Ah!

(the crowd)

Oh!

(a woman)

Make me a devil.

(a woman)

I want to be a movie star.

(a man)

I want to be a cowboy.

(a woman)

Make me a queen.

(a woman)

I want to be a hair dresser.

(a man)

I want to be an astronaut.

[laugh]

-I love you, my dears.

Come to my humble mansion

and I will turn everybody on.

(Peter Rochon and Saga)

Witch Magic

[miaowing]

[wing-beat]

[miaowing]

(playful music)