( Man shouting,
distorted )
Are you ready
for some rock 'n' roll?
I think it's a special
evening tonight.
Maybe it's new year's?
Okay, I can hear it now
coming through
On this annoying
little thing on my ear.
Okay, wait for it, everybody.
Wait for it!
- , Nine...
All:
eight, seven,
Six, five, four,
Three, two, one!
Happy new year!
* Should old acquaintance
be forgot *
* And never brought
to mind? *
* Should old acquaintance
be forgot *
* And days
of auld lang syne? *
* And days of auld lang syne,
my dear *
* Days of auld lang syne
* Should old acquaintance
be forgot *
* And days
of auld lang syne? *
* We two have run
about the braes *
* And pou'd
the gowans fine *
* We've wandered
many a weary foot *
* To days
of auld lang syne *
* To auld lang syne,
my dear *
* Sin' auld lang syne
* We've wandered
many a weary foot *
* Sin' auld lang syne.
Come on!
Thank you, everybody!
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
Thank you!
Oh, and good night!
You know what's
really sad at a good
new year's eve party?
When you don't have
anyone to kiss at midnight.
That is so sad.
I can only imagine.
In fact, I didn't have
anyone to kiss
At midnight.
Poor you.
How do you find
the strength to carry on?
Oh, it's hard.
Let me tell you.
Man:
so is that guy
your boyfriend?
Is that any
of your business?
- Yes.
- Oh, how's that?
Well, I need to know
how he's gonna take it
When I lean in and get
myself a new year's kiss
From the prettiest girl
at the party.
Thanks, man.
So now he's gonna
come over here and
knock my block off?
I wouldn't be surprised.
And what are you
gonna do about it?
I'm going to let him.
Robert, this is--
- Adam.
- Nice to meet you, adam.
Now why don't you
f*ck off?
Happy new year.
Really, nicole, is that
the best you can do?
He told me I was
the prettiest girl
at the party.
You are so easy.
I know.
That's why I'm with you.
You afraid of heights?
- No.
- I am.
I always think I'm gonna fall
and my body's gonna splatter
All over the pavement.
You know, blood, guts,
bone fragments--
The whole shebang.
You ever
think about that?
No, but if I have
nightmares tonight,
I'll know who to blame.
Melanie.
Wade.
You know, wade, if-- if you
have nightmares tonight,
You can always just
roll over and spank me.
I like that.
Did you just think that up,
Or is that
your standard line?
Would I use some tired
old line on you, wade?
Look, there's kathy king.
Who the f*ck is
kathy king?
Kathy king,
the celebrity chef.
Don't tell me you've never
seen "cooking a la king"?
Do I look like
a f*cking housewife?
No, you look like
a f*cking sl*t.
Oh, I am, wade.
I am.
Mmm, delicious!
Did you make this?
Only on tv.
I love your show.
You've never
seen my show.
What are you talking about?
I watch it all the time.
It's better than porn.
It's food porn.
The way you mix things up
with your hands
And lick it
off your fingers.
You're a very dirty girl,
kathy king.
You have no idea,
wade everett.
Huh.
You know who I am.
Doesn't everybody?
Yeah.
Kathy, hi!
It's great to see you.
Isn't this a scream?
A party on top of
an abandoned building.
It's so-- I don't know--
Post-apocalyptic, right?
God, I hope they haven't
decided to blow it up--
Ker-pow!
I'm sorry,
do I know you?
Pamela reynolds,
head of programming at t.c.b.
Kathy, I have to tell you,
I am your number one fan.
Well, I don't know, pam.
I-- I hear that quite a lot,
And I've got some
pretty loyal fans.
Of course you do,
and you deserve even more.
You know, the cooking's great,
it's fantastic,
But I see you with more--
a whole lifestyle show:
Celebrity guests,
a little talk, a little cooking,
Maybe some crafts.
It could be huge.
You could be huge.
Huge.
Do you ski?
Whenever I get the chance.
So who do I get to kiss?
What are you talking about?
You get to kiss me,
you lucky boy.
No way, babe.
This is a two-way street.
If you get to kiss
a stranger, then so do i.
All right.
How about her? She looks
sufficiently desperate.
I-- I don't want desperate.
I want young
And slutty.
How about all three?
- Wait a minute.
- What are you doing?
- Just a sec.
We're in the middle
of a conversation.
You're like pavlov's dog
with that thing.
- "Girls and boys
Come out to play.
The smiley face will
lead the way.
This party is so over.
Come join the real party
downstairs-- th floor,
Elevator number five,
punch in the code
."
- ( Whispers ) I just
came here to kiss you.
Ahh!
Okay, so, we have...
A little bit for melanie.
And a little bit for adam.
"Girls and boys
Come out to play"-- ah.
Woman:
* girls and boys,
come out to play *
* The moon is shining
bright as day... *
Ah, I've been
waiting for you.
How did you know
I was coming?
"Loser."
That's not very nice.
Could have been worse.
Could have been "pig."
Why would you
say that to me?
No no, it's just
the guest list.
Some guy named adam
is "the pig."
Pamela is "two-faced."
Nicole is "heartless."
What about you?
"Loverboy."
That's not so bad.
You got off easy.
What are you talking about?
Makes me sound like
Some kind of pin-up
from "teen dream" magazine.
Well, aren't you?
One time. One time
I posed for that rag.
That's it, I'm firing
my publicist.
Well, that's still
better than "loser."
What about this one?
Who is
our gracious host?
I thought
maybe you'd know.
So where is everybody?
It's like a v.i.p. Party.
How do you know?
What else is it
gonna be?
It'll be fun.
Wait a minute.
You're going to meet
that guy, aren't you?
That's what
all this is about.
You're so cute
when you're jealous.
I should kiss strangers
more often.
- Hmm.
- Hmm.
Oh, look.
Must be adam.
The pig!
And who's she?
Two-faced or...
Heartless?
It's hard to say.
Her name's, uh...
Melanie.
...melanie,
So she's obviously
not invited.
That's right.
I'm a party crasher.
What the f*ck
is your problem?
We all got place cards with
nasty little pet names on them.
Oh, how fun.
Well, I guess I'm just
gonna have to
Make up my own
little nasty pet name.
How about
giggling coke wh*re?
Ah! You are a pig.
What's up
with this place?
I thought it was
a junus media building.
- Not anymore.
- Hey, do I know you?
I don't think so.
This is kathy king!
She's on tv, man.
Can't walk down the street
without seeing her
On a billboard
or the side of a bus.
Oh, right!
That must be it.
So maybe this is some kind
of hidden-camera thing.
Well, you guys
are celebrities.
Wanna get caught
on tape?
Just like old times.
- Going down?
- "Girls and boys
come out to play..."
- Well, aren't we special?
- It says, "out of order."
Probably to keep
out the riffraff.
* Girls and boys come
out to play *
* The moon is shining
bright as day... *
The girls are here,
And another party-crasher.
We can't have a party
without a few crashers.
I thought you said that guy
wasn't gonna be here.
I never said that.
Kathy, I was hoping
I would see you again.
Everyone, meet pamela.
Oh, the two-faced b*tch.
Excuse me?
Whoever's throwing
this little shindig
Has pretty strong
feelings about all of us.
Uh, this is yours.
"Heartless"?
Well, that's ridiculous.
What is this crap?
We don't know, man.
We all just got here.
So either you
can join the party,
Or you can get
the f*ck out of here.
- Don't tell me
what to do.
- Ooh.
I'm just giving you
your options, bob.
I mean, you weren't
actually invited.
Nobody calls me bob,
as*h*le.
Only my mom
calls me as*h*le, bob.
Well, I think there's
enough cake for everyone,
So let's all just...
You know,
settle down. Okay?
Yeah, come on.
It does say, "eat me."
I say that all the time.
Doesn't always
get results.
Something tells me
our gracious host
Isn't gonna be showing up
anytime soon.
More cake
for the rest of us.
So let's dig in.
Looks like you're
not the prettiest girl
at the party after all.
Oh look, something's
written underneath.
Pamela:
"this little piggy
found silver.
This little piggy
found gold.
This little piggy
ate my cake.
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy
cried 'wee wee wee'
All the way to ."
That's not how
I learned it.
No, it's a treasure hunt.
This is the first clue.
Oh, I love treasure hunts!
This is going to be fun.
.
Must be a room number.
Maybe that's where
the real party is.
This party isn't
real enough for ya?
All right,
out of my way,
Because I am gonna
win this prize.
- Who says there's a prize?
- Nicole: there's always
a prize,
Otherwise it wouldn't
be a treasure hunt.
- What do you think it is?
- I don't know.
Could be a giant
teddy bear.
I've always wanted
one of those.
I had a boyfriend once
who spent like bucks
Trying to win one
for me at a carnival.
Couldn't do it?
He was sort of
the wimpy type.
- It wasn't me.
- Who said it was?
Anyway, those things
are rigged.
Ah.
"Wrong way."
- All right, back.
Back.
Jeez.
There's always a way
to beat the system, robert.
You just gotta know how.
Robert:
and I suppose
you know how?
I've won a few
teddy bears in my time.
Giant teddy bears?
'Cause that is what
we're talking about here.
Giant teddy bears,
not the little ones.
So much testosterone.
Hey, what about one
of those little dolls
who wets herself?
I've always wanted
one of those too.
Hey, what about one
of those little dolls
that shits herself?
Whatever turns
you on, bro.
Look!
.
Oh my god.
This must be our host.
Oh my god.
Ew!
I really can't wait
to see what the treasure is.
I don't think I like
this game anymore.
That's disgusting.
Well, I don't know.
There's a lot of great
recipes for pig's head--
Tasty head cheese,
a scrumptious jelly.
Is that all
you think about?
Food is my life.
I could build
a whole show around this.
- What do you think, pam?
- Love it.
Aha!
Our next mission,
should we choose
to accept it--
- Give me that!
- Gosh, pam.
No need to be so rude.
"Dickery dickery dare,
the pig gave quite a scare.
You now must go
where water flows.
Dickery dickery dare."
- Okay, so--
- where water flows?
Obviously
it's a bathroom.
Hey, how about
a water fountain?
Could be
a lot of things.
You people
are insane.
Any game that starts
with a rotting pig's head
Is not gonna end
with a giant teddy bear.
It's just a ploy
to weed out the weak.
Well, I'm certainly
not weak.
And look at all these pearls.
They're plastic.
I don't know.
I think they're pretty.
Bet I find it first.
- I bet I do.
- Winner takes all?
- Takes all what?
- I'll think of something.
You are on.
Hey, girlfriend,
let's team up.
Listen, pamela,
you can stop kissing my a*s.
It's a party,
not a business meeting.
Lighten up.
I-- I really am
a big fan.
I don't want
to play anymore.
I thought you said
you loved treasure hunts?
I certainly see you enjoy
making goo-goo eyes
- At that d*ck on a stick.
- Yeah, well,
This place is
giving me the creeps.
How about
the heebie-jeebies?
Would you say it's giving
you the heebie-jeebies?
No, I'd say it's giving me
the heebedy-jeebedies, okay?
So I'm leaving.
Let's just stay
and finish the game.
I don't want that f*ck
to get the best of me.
- Huh?
- You're such a guy.
- Come on.
Aren't you just dying
to see how it turns out?
- Hmm?
- Oh!
Child in distance:
piggy piggy, come in here.
( Child speaking
gibberish )
Piggy piggy piggy.
Piggy piggy!
Yah! Ah.
Piggy, come here.
( Continues
speaking gibberish )
Little piggy.
Man, this little piggy
needs a smoke.
This little piggy
got his bone smokes.
Nicole: I can't believe
you convinced me to
stay down here.
God, I think
it's actually colder in here
Than it is outside.
Why is it
so cold in here?
I told you to wear
something warmer.
But then I wouldn't
have looked as nice.
Don't you think
I look nice?
You always look nice.
You might as well say
that I never look nice.
I don't quite follow
your logic.
It means that you
never really pay attention
to what I look like.
You're unbelievable.
How do you do that?
You take a compliment
and turn it into an insult.
Practice.
I figured here,
loverboy.
Come on, melanie.
There's nothing in here.
That's okay.
It's gonna be our
little secret hideout.
Oops. Sorry.
See?
Now she's got
the wrong idea.
Well, it's-- it's not wrong
if we make it right.
Look, no offense--
I've f*cked enough skanks
for a lifetime.
Oh, yeah?
Well, I haven't.
You see anything?
Oh my god,
there's a couch and--
- It's--
Okay, very funny.
No, I'm just
messing with you.
I got that.
Why is it that
the ladies' room is
always so much cleaner
Than the men's room?
I mean, is that fair?
Well, let's see.
We get clean bathrooms,
You get to run the world.
So, no,
I guess it's not fair.
- I guess not.
- Ah.
- The ruling-
the-world thing, that's--
- yeah.
- It's-- it's like
a bonus.
- Yeah.
Ooh, god. You scared me
half to death.
Sorry.
Any luck?
Well, it ain't back there.
- "Where water flows."
- Yeah.
Water flows.
Wait, is there
a fire hose?
Yeah.
Yeah yeah,
I saw one.
- It was this way.
- Yeah? Okay.
Look, I'm sorry if I came on
a little strong before.
It's just, I really
love my job--
Oh, this way.
I can never seem
to find the off switch.
Do you know what I mean?
Don't worry about it.
I guess I should be flattered.
There it is.
Oh.
Look.
We found it!
Fire hose. I never
would have thought of it.
Are you loving me now
or what?
You can take credit
if you want.
Where are you?
Pamela:
over here!
- Oh god, this place
is so confusing.
- And creepy.
- And heebedy-jeebedy.
- Shut up!
- I win the bet.
- I owe you.
So what is it this time,
"Rub-a-dub-dub,
three men in a tub"?
Close.
"Georgie porgie
pudding and pie
Pushed the girl
and made her cry,
Before the pig
begins to rot,
Find the 'x'
that marks the spot."
This is getting
dumber and dumber.
- Well, you would know.
- Uh.
Does anyone else feel like
this is some elaborate prank?
Maybe that guy
adam was right.
Maybe this is some kind
of hidden-camera thing.
Hi, mom.
Oh, yeah,
where is adam?
You need to learn
how to keep track
of your boyfriend.
He is not my boyfriend.
He is just a guy I blew.
Are you looking
for a boyfriend?
Aren't you gonna ask
if she spits or swallows?
We just came from there.
I didn't see any "x"
marking the spot.
Uh, an "x," okay.
An "x."
What kind of an "x"?
Well, we passed a few doors
with letters on them.
A, b, c...
Maybe it goes all
the way to "x"?
That way.
Nicole:
here's "d."
"K"?
"Q"...
Wade:
they're not even
alphabetical?
Oh, come on.
What are you
smiling about?
"Jack and jill went
up the hill to find
themselves a treasure.
Jack wore a frown
like a sad little clown
But jill was
very clever."
"X" marks the spot.
That's cute.
Are you a writer?
In a way.
Do you ever read
the advice column,
"Evelyn knows best"?
- That's you?
- That's me.
No, "evelyn knows best"
is like some old lady.
Yeah, and she died,
so now it's me.
You have a great face.
Have you ever thought
about television?
Yeah, I have.
Maybe she could have
her own lifestyle show?
No, but she could certainly
have a regular spot
On your new lifestyle show.
You really are
a go-getter.
I never let
anything stop me,
And I always get
what I want.
Yeah, but do you ever
get what you deserve?
- Holy sh*t.
- Robert: f*ck.
Oh my god.
It's a joke.
It's got to be a joke, right?
- Are you coming?
- No way.
Oh my god.
- Call the police.
- What?
He's dead.
What?
No, he's not.
He can't be.
- Adam?
- Don't touch him.
Ah!
I'm not even supposed
to be here!
I'm not even
supposed to be here!
I'm not even supposed
to be here!
My god!
We are out of here!
Hold the door!
- Ah.
- f*cking b*tch.
( Melanie screaming,
pounding )
Oh, sh*t!
What's going on?
- Open the door, man!
- I'm trying!
Open the door!
Open the f*cking door.
No, it's a trap!
Oh my god,
she's having a seizure!
Get me a spoon to stick
in her mouth
So she doesn't
swallow her tongue.
Call !
- I haven't got a signal.
sh*t!
- You got a signal yet?
- Nothing.
Signal blocked?
What the hell does that mean?
It means somebody
blocked the signal.
Nicole:
look, there are
people out there!
Help! Help!
- Look up!
- Robert: they're not
gonna hear you.
We're on the th floor.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Can somebody tell me what
the hell is going on here?
Two people are dead.
Yeah, I think
we got that.
Nicole:
why? Why?
Wade:
somebody's f*cking
with us.
Pamela:
I'd say he's doing
a little more than that.
- Robert: who is doing this?
- Nicole: we don't know.
Oh my god.
We're all gonna die.
Whoever it is went
to a lot of trouble
to bring us all down here.
Now he's gonna
pick us off one by one
Like little duckies
at the sh**ting gallery.
Calm down!
But why us?
What's the connection?
We all have enemies,
right?
It's got to be one
we have in common.
I don't have enemies.
Everybody loves me.
Obviously not everybody.
It said "pig."
It said "pig,"
And he was slaughtered
like a pig.
That's how
he's gonna do it.
What did mine say?
"Two-faced."
These are clues.
And what about her?
She didn't even have one
of those stupid cards
And now look at her!
She's a new year's special.
Stop it.
Let's try to think.
What's there to think about?
Let's get the hell out of here.
- It won't light up!
It said, "out of order."
That didn't stop
the damn thing
From bringing us down here.
Don't yell at me.
I'm not your girlfriend.
Thank god for that.
Hey, that's uncalled for.
What's she doing
bringing me into it?
It's got nothing
to do with me.
You were the one that
brought him to the party.
- Some party!
- Face it, lady.
You can dish it out
but you can't take it.
- Oh, you're a d*ck.
- Oh, yeah?
Sticks and stones, honey.
Sticks and stones.
I wouldn't even want
to get in that thing.
Let's try the stairs.
Come on.
There's an idea.
There was another
exit sign down here.
You mean where
we found adam?
Yeah.
I guess you won't be
kissing him goodbye.
Nicole:
I'm not going
in there again.
If it's a way out,
you are going to have to.
Well, when you find
a way out, tell me
And I'll be waiting
right here.
Fine!
Don't look up.
Don't look up.
Don't look up.
Ah!
What are you doing?
I'm getting myself
a g*dd*mn weapon.
You're gonna
thank me later.
Did you find
a way out?
Locked.
Look, a security phone.
What?
What is it?
* Girls and boys
come out to play... *
Ah. You had to know
it wasn't going
to be that easy.
Oh!
Are you actually
enjoying this?
I mean, is it better
than fantasy camp?
Yeah, this is what I really
love at a party--
Food, drink
and fighting for my life.
It won't budge.
It's a steel door.
You are not gonna be able
to kick it down.
- And you might
hurt yourself.
- Yeah, thanks.
Well, you had to know
it wasn't gonna be that easy.
We need to find something
to pry it open.
Yeah.
Did you find an exit?
- Locked. You?
- Wade: same.
I got this.
Wait a minute.
- Holy sh*t.
- Oh my god.
He's watching us.
He's right here.
Come on out, as*h*le!
You like nursery rhymes?
I got a nursery rhyme for you!
f*ck off!
Don't touch it.
It could be a b*mb.
If he wanted to blow us up,
he'd have done it already.
"Simon says,
'Try this.'"
He's taunting us.
I hate that.
What kind of a k*ller
leaves a weapon behind?
One that doesn't
see us as a threat.
So let's try it.
No, don't.
That's just what he wants.
Or maybe what
he wants is to play enough
mind games with us
That we start to second-guess
every single thing we do.
Maybe.
Come on,
let me have a go.
Good luck.
Give me a hand.
- Okay.
- Wait.
Pamela:
"mary mary quite contrary,
Where was
she trying to go?
She party-crashed
then had to dash,
But you can't leave
until I say so."
Okay, you can stop
reading them out loud now.
I'm just trying to help.
I'm so sick
of this bullshit!
If we don't do what he says,
he's gonna k*ll us.
He's gonna
k*ll us anyway!
Well, what are
we gonna do?
I've got an idea.
So what's this idea?
Going down
the elevator shaft.
Are you high?
Yeah, just a little.
Pig boy really k*lled my buzz.
No no no, wait.
Maybe this is what
he wants us to do.
Oh, shut up!
Hey, nobody talks
to her that way but me.
f*ck you both.
God, I hate men.
Uh, that is the one
with the blades, ace.
Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
How about
this one... Ace?
Care to comment?
I have to admit,
I did not see that coming.
Get a table.
I need something to prop
the doors open with.
I'll go first.
Oh, what is this?
Follow the leader?
- I am sick
of party games.
- What's your problem?
Nothing, man, I just
thought we were living
in a democracy, that's all.
I didn't realize somebody
could crown themselves
king around here.
I mean, who says
you get to go first?
Fine, we'll vote on it.
A show of hands--
Who thinks wade
should go first?
Okay, little miss
passive aggressive.
I changed my mind.
You go first.
Too late.
I don't like this.
I don't like it.
Who goes next?
Robert?
No.
I'll go last...
Just in case that b*stard
tries to attack.
Okay, I'm in.
Okay, come on.
I'm not happy.
Yeah? Join the club.
I just realized something.
- What?
- I'm not good
in a crisis.
- Come on, nicole.
- I can't.
Well, get over it.
I can't do it.
Holy sh*t, he's coming!
- He's coming!
I'll get you out.
Where is he?
Is he coming?
I had to say something
to get nicole's a*s in here.
You are in big trouble
with me, mister--
Big big trouble!
At the moment, nicole,
I'm not all that worried
About being in trouble
with you.
So people write to you
with their problems?
What?
Uh, yeah.
And you solve them?
Yes, that's my job.
Got a solution for this?
Are you guys coming
or what?
What do you mean,
"you guys"?
I'm the last one
up here.
What about pam?
Where's pam?
What do you mean
where's pam?
Pam's with you.
Wade:
no, man.
Pam's with you.
Oh, no no no no.
- Oh my god.
- Calm down, okay?
She's dead. She's dead.
That's all there is to it.
She's dead!
If she'd fallen down
the elevator shaft,
- We'd have heard her.
- She didn't fall.
Don't you get it?
- Wade: you okay?
- Robert: yeah yeah.
Did you see anything?
- No, nothing.
- She can't have just
disappeared.
You are so naive.
She's not in there, man.
I would have seen her.
Maybe you weren't
looking hard enough.
It's an elevator shaft.
You cannot hide in
an elevator shaft.
It's a... Shaft.
What a great plan.
We lost another one
And now he gets
to k*ll us in the dark.
I don't want
to die in the dark.
Then let's find
the circuit breaker
So he can k*ll us
with the lights on.
Hold on, I've got
one of those--
You know,
one of these.
Oh, wait, me too.
Well, that's just terrific,
'cause now we can see--
What, three inches
in front of us?
Yeah, well, it's better
than nothing.
We meet back here
in minutes...
No matter what.
Don't you want
to synchronize watches?
You are not taking this
very seriously.
On the contrary, I take
this a lot more seriously
Than someone who thinks that
a drug-addled popstar reject
Is just the guy to follow down
a f*cking elevator shaft!
Shh! Keep your voice down.
Ah, give me that.
Hey!
- Well, I need something.
Will you hold my hand?
I'm just
feeling a little--
How's that?
That's better.
Shine it on the wall.
The wall!
I am trying to see
where we are going.
We are trying to find
the circuit breakers.
Why did I
pick up the phone?
Why did I even read
that stupid text message?
Okay, here we go.
Get the f*cking
fire department over here.
( Whimsical music playing
over p.a. )
This does not bode well.
Now what?
There it is.
Do you see it?
Man over p.a.:
Round and round
the spinning wheel goes.
Where it will stop,
nobody knows.
Welcome to
"where's that girl?"
Keep guessing.
To save her life,
you must choose--
Is she behind
door a, b or c?
But be careful. Surprises
await behind every door.
And don't forget,
time is running out.
Tick tock, tick tock.
- There's a countdown.
- Then he's gonna k*ll her.
- We have to find her.
- Come on.
- Wait.
- What?
- I think we
should split up.
- You're crazy.
I saw the studios
back this way.
No, wait!
Look!
- Hey!
- Hey, come on,
turn around!
It'll give us a better
chance of finding her.
I'll go that way.
- We just came from there.
- Yeah, but it was dark.
We stick together, okay?
Oh, look.
Yeah, let's go.
- Hey!
- Ahh!
Oh, f*ck!
- Did you see him?
- No.
It's impossible.
He just came down here.
- Oh, pam.
- We have to find her.
Door a, b or c?
But it could be a trap.
He said there were surprises.
We have to try.
Hello, and welcome
to "cooking a la king."
I'm your host
kathy king.
Ah, no.
- Where is kathy?
- Come on.
But there's no time.
What about pam?
Come on.
She was just here!
I can't believe it.
Oh god! I saw him,
I went after him.
What the f*ck does
that make me?
Maybe she's waiting at
the elevator like you said?
What should we do?
sh*t!
Oh my god.
Two-faced.
Oh, sh*t!
Come on, this way.
Why is this
happening to us?
What did we ever do?
The only way we're gonna
get out of this
Is if we k*ll him.
We have to k*ll him.
Let's take
the fight to him.
Hold on!
Let's just wait
a minute. Okay?
With all this
running around,
Maybe we're playing
right into his hands.
What if we stay here
till day,
- Barricade ourselves in?
- Robert!
Oh!
Robert!
- He's near the elevators.
- Let's go.
No! Wait!
No! No, it's too late!
Look at me, look at me!
We have to keep moving.
Come on! We have to try
and save ourselves.
At least we know this one's
not bricked up.
And don't tell me
it's a trap.
Well, don't come crying
to me when you're dead.
- Up or down?
- Up.
Try to get back
to the party.
No, I say down.
Let's try to get out
of the building.
Maybe the glow stick
isn't such a hot idea.
I don't like
the alternative.
Yeah, we know. You don't
want to die in the dark.
As soon as
I get the chance.
- "High voltage."
- We'll see about that.
Let's try to get back
to the party.
Kathy:
so we're back
at square one.
Maybe we should just
k*ll ourselves and beat
him to the punch.
Don't talk like that.
"Busted."
Blackjack.
It's like a game
of blackjack.
We busted out!
I guess now we have
to go to .
Come on.
Wait, why do they
want us to go to ?
Maybe it's a trap.
Maybe we should
try this one instead.
Good idea.
When I say it's a trap
people tell me to shut up,
But she says it
and all of a sudden
she's a genius.
Oh my god.
Look at all this.
Pictures here
of all of us.
That's two years ago.
- What's that?
- I don't know.
It's a g.p.s.
Here's where we are.
And what's that?
Oh my god, it's him.
He's coming this way.
Oh, jeez!
- Robert, you're--
- alive? Yeah, thanks.
Thanks for caring.
- Did you k*ll him?
- No.
But thanks for holding
onto this, by the way.
It's not like
I needed it or anything.
What?
- How did you get away?
- I don't know.
I thought
for sure I was gonna die,
and then he was gone.
- Just like that, huh?
- Yeah.
That's kind of strange,
don't you think?
What's your problem?
- You're helping him track us.
- What?
You see this little dot?
This is you.
What, are you nuts?
You're in on this,
aren't you?
Nicole, please tell me what
the hell is going on here.
Your name wasn't
on the list. Why wasn't
your name on the list?
Melanie's name was
not on the list.
Nicole:
and now she's dead,
but you're not dead?
He let you go.
Why would he do that?
What the--
What are you saying?
I don't know
what I'm saying.
Okay, look,
let's just not fight.
That's not gonna help.
Just take off
your clothes.
Excuse me?
So we can find
the transmitter.
Yeah.
Keep going.
You're just loving this,
aren't you?
I don't know
where you got
that idea, sailor.
I like girls myself.
It's f*cking freezing
in here.
- What's this?
- That--
That is what I would call
a huge error in judgment.
Oh, robert.
I only hope the jeweler
will take it back.
Still on you.
Well, unless she stuck it
up my a*s this morning,
I don't know what
to tell you.
You must have
swallowed it.
It was in the cake.
Yeah, that's what
you'd like us to believe.
I don't give a rat's a*s
what you believe.
What is this crap?
He's been keeping tabs
on all of us for years.
How about this, huh?
"New meat."
Looks like I am
on the list now.
So let's think
about this.
- What do you do
for a living, robert?
- Nicole: he's a lawyer.
- Kathy: entertainment lawyer?
- Robert: yeah, so what?
Kathy:
so we're all in
the entertainment industry
In one way or another.
Maybe that's the connection.
It's a junus-f*cking-media
party upstairs.
Of course we're
all in the business.
- Someone we all know?
- Then what do we do?
Make a list of
everyone we've ever met?
Compare notes?
I mean, god,
You think I know the name
of every psycho freak
Who's ever written
to "evelyn knows best"?
We're just wasting time.
These are
the elevator codes.
Let me see that.
Okay.
I got it.
Hang on.
What do you think
this smiley face means?
It means
"proceed with caution."
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine.
Come on,
let's move on.
That's not gonna make it
come any faster.
Well, it's not gonna
make it come any slower,
so leave me alone.
- Shh!
- It's coming.
sh*t.
I forgot about her.
Ahem.
Okay.
Lobby.
- Huh.
We're going down.
Here we go.
Here we go.
No. No!
No!
- No no!
- Robert: hey hey hey!
Come on.
- Ah!
- It's another trap!
There's no smiling face here.
Where's the smiley face?
Yeah, where's the f*ck'
smiley face?
- Come on.
Move move!
Wait, I can't keep up.
They won't open.
Oh my god, wade.
What are we gonna do?
All right, all right.
Okay.
I need you to do
something for me.
I need you to take
this thing out of my leg.
I can't, no no.
I can't. No.
You can.
Come on, baby.
You can.
Okay.
Ah! f*ck!
Ah!
God!
We're lost.
We're lost.
We'll never find
the others now.
Are you afraid
to be alone with me?
No.
I'm just afraid.
I'm sorry for
the things I said.
Save it, nicole.
Whatever you're about to say,
Save it. We're not having
this conversation right now.
Were you really going
to propose tonight?
Yeah.
What was I thinking?
There.
Is that better?
A little.
This guy really
likes to decorate.
It's like being
inside a vag*na.
Not my vag*na.
Of course not.
Yours has teeth.
Well, if that's
how you feel about it,
You don't ever have
to see it again.
Robert?
Robert, wake up!
Come on, wake up.
Don't leave me alone.
Robert, I would have
said yes.
It's just a dream.
It's just a dream.
It's just a dream,
it's just a dream.
Where's kathy?
I don't know.
What about nicole?
Gone.
Look, if she were dead,
her name would be crossed out.
It's not.
It's circled.
She's as good as dead.
That's it?
You're just gonna
sit there?
Yep.
I'm glad to see that
chivalry is alive and well.
What do you want me
to do, hotshot?
Break down these walls
with my bare hands?
Robert:
I tried that already.
Yeah, good luck
picking that lock.
Kathy: wade?
- Wade, I'm over here!
- Kathy?
You okay?
I guess so.
How did we get here?
We were drugged.
Where's nicole?
He's got her.
But we think
she's still alive.
- We've got to find her.
- How are we gonna find her?
We can't get out.
We're trapped in here.
There must be a way!
Why? Why must
there be a way?
There's a tunnel!
I think I can get through.
- No f*cking way.
- I think I can make it through.
I'm gonna find a way
to get you out of there.
Kathy, no.
If you can get out,
just get out. Go.
Hey, you know,
speak for yourself.
If-- if she wants to go
and try and find help,
that's her business.
Maybe this is another trap.
Maybe I should stay
here with you.
He put you in that room
so he could come in there
And k*ll you while we stand
here like idiots and watch.
Don't say that.
He wants
to emasculate us.
This is not about you,
you f*cking egomaniac.
To him you're just
another party-crasher.
You weren't even
on the list.
Well, I am now, sister.
I'm in this as much
as any of you.
Wade?
What should I do?
Find some way
to get us out of here!
Just go.
Get out.
What about nicole?
Should I try to find her?
There's nothing
we can do for her.
Just go.
All right.
I can't believe my fate
is in the hands
Of some g*dd*mn
celebrity chef.
She's pretty good
with a knife.
She doesn't have a knife.
So how long have you
and nicole been together?
I don't know.
Maybe two years.
Two years? Whoo.
That's it?
Now this maniac's got her
and you're just sitting there?
She's not the one
that's heartless, it's you.
You don't know anything
about it.
I know what I see.
Oh, yeah?
And what do you see?
Nothing. You don't see
a f*cking thing.
You have no idea
what is going on here.
We are puppets--
puppets, man!
And somebody else is
pulling the strings.
So who is it?
Excuse me?
Who is it?
You're in on this,
aren't you?
- Whoa, are you out
of your f*cking mind--
- what's your f*cking game?
You're not on the list;
you're on the list.
Your girlfriend's gone--
torn to pieces for
all you know--
- And you sit there?
- What the f*ck do you want?
Should I bash my head
against the wall just so
you think I'm a nice guy?
Jesus!
What about pam?
- You were the last one
to see her.
- as*h*le.
When some psycho has
a knife to your throat--
A knife
to your f*cking throat,
he decides to walk away?
What the f*ck
is going on?
And-- and I suppose
I drugged myself, right?
Sure, why not?
That way I could be
dragged down here
To rot in this
f*cking pit with you.
Are you mentally deficient?
I mean, are you
f*cking Ret*rded?
We both woke up here
together, remember?
I didn't see you
wake up.
He is playing us
against each other.
Don't you get it?
How can you be so
f*cking stupid?
That is not mine.
I have never seen that
before in my life.
Where are they?
Where are they?
I don't know!
Ahh!
( Song continues,
distorted )
Kate: help!
Help!
Help!
- Wade!
- You all right?
What happened?
I found nicole.
She was still alive,
but I couldn't help her.
He grabbed me
and he'll be back
for me any minute.
How'd you get out?
- There was a key.
- A key?
Where?
Where's robert?
He's-- robert's dead.
Come on,
let's get out.
How did he die?
- Did you see it?
- Who?
- Robert.
- Yeah, I saw it.
Was there a trap?
When you opened the door,
was there another trap?
I don't want to talk about it,
okay? He's gone, it's over.
No. Was it awful?
Yeah. It wasn't great.
You poor thing.
Oh, it could have been you.
Then what would I have done?
Come on.
Oh my god.
Oh!
These are all dishes
you've cooked on your show.
Hey, I said I was a fan.
Look, I'm next
and you're dessert.
Damn it,
I am not dessert.
I have an idea.
I never thought
I'd end up like this--
A worm dangling on
the end of a fish hook.
Don't worry, I won't let
anything happen to you.
Do you believe me?
So what now?
Well, so far I've kept
all my new year's resolutions.
Very impressive.
I didn't make any this year.
Oh, but you have to.
Okay.
My new year's resolution
is not to die.
Oh, f*ck!
Why are you doing this?
Just tell me.
I'm gonna die anyway,
right?
Right?
I'm dying right now.
Helps if you've got
some kind of beef with me.
You're not a music fan?
I f*cked your sister?
Come on, man.
Just tell me why.
Yeah, get it
off your chest.
You know?
You'll feel better.
Tell me!
Tell me!
- Just say something!
Kathy?
Oh my god!
It's my number one fan.
What are you
talking about?
That's what
he always says.
Every taping,
every personal appearance,
he's always there.
This is all my fault.
It's not your fault,
don't say that.
He's psychotic.
He's been stalking
all of us for years,
Not just you.
You saved me.
I can't believe
we made it.
Here, let me--
Actually...
I don't think
you'll be keeping
That new year's
resolution of yours.
What do you mean?
When I was
a little girl,
You know what
my mother told me?
She said that inner beauty
is what really matters.
Do you believe
that's true?
I don't understand.
Well, it's a simple
question.
Do you believe
that inner beauty is
what really matters?
Yeah. Sure.
Mm, wrong.
Wrong wrong wrong,
it's a lie.
It's the biggest lie
there is.
The kind of thing
they tell fat girls
to make them feel better.
Wait, I know you.
Sure you do,
I'm kathy king.
Can't walk down the street
without seeing my face
On a billboard
or the side of a bus.
No.
You're that girl,
fillmore high.
Your name's
not kathy.
What's your name?
You don't remember?
I can't tell you how much
that hurts my feelings.
But then again,
why would you?
In high school you never
even looked at me.
It was as though
I didn't exist.
And when I finally worked up
the courage to tell you
How much I loved you,
You laughed
in my face.
Of course you don't
remember my name.
You never called me
by my name.
What did you call me?
You must remember that.
Lady lardass.
Lady lardass.
So evocative, isn't it?
"Kay knight."
That's you?
Lbs
and a lifetime ago.
Now I'm getting rid
of the dead weight.
We were just kids.
What the hell did I know?
I was just a stupid kid.
You can't hold that
against me.
You never learned
the golden rule?
"Do unto others as you
would have them do unto you."
Are you trying to tell me
six people are dead
Because they never
learned the golden rule?
Listen to you,
all high and mighty.
Don't forget you k*lled
one of them yourself.
By the way, thanks for that.
It was a big help.
What about
your biggest fan?
Surely from your warped
perspective, he doesn't
deserve to die?
Well, somebody's got
to take the fall,
And it ain't gonna be america's
cooking-show sweetheart.
That's for sure.
Why?
Why now?
Look at you,
you have everything you
could have ever wanted.
Isn't living well
the best revenge?
That's what they say,
right?
Yeah.
Living well
is pretty good,
But I'd say k*lling people
is the best revenge really.
You're insane.
No kidding.
And now, before a live
studio audience,
Here she is, folks--
You know her,
you love her,
You can't live
without her--
That very dirty girl--
Hello, and welcome
to "cooking a la king."
I'm your host,
kathy king.
Today we have
a very special show for you.
It's a full menu
of recipes for revenge.
We begin
with a pig appetizer.
Take one
schoolyard bully--
You know the one.
He chased you into the alley
behind the butcher shop
And pushed you into a dumpster
full of rotting meat--
Let him ripen
into a misogynistic jerk,
Stab quickly
And hang to bleed.
Serve with a side
of party-crasher entrails.
Now we're onto
the first course--
A little something
I like to call
The two faces of b*tch.
You remember
that girl you met
on the first day of work
At your exciting new job?
Do you remember how nice
you thought she was?
You thought
she was your friend,
But then she stole your ideas
and took all the credit.
She got a promotion
and the fat girl got fired.
Take this lying
manipulative hag,
Butterfly neatly
with an ax,
Wipe your hands
and you're done.
Second course,
the heart of a wh*re.
This one's
a real rib-sticker
And all you need is
the sl*t that stole
Your first real boyfriend
Just to prove
that she could.
She lured him away
with her shameless seductions,
Then dumped him
six weeks later when
something better came along.
Remove her
still-beating heart
And stuff it
into her wide-open mouth.
Garnish with
her latest conquest,
Plate and serve.
Now where was i?
Of course,
on this show
We always leave room
for dessert,
Because revenge
should be sweet.
Take one
high-school crush
Who destroyed your
feelings of self-worth
without batting an eye,
- Turn the tables...
...and serve cold.
Mmm.
Doesn't that look yummy?
Just follow
my easy steps
And you'll be greeting
the new year
With that deep hunger
inside of you
Satisfied
Like never before.
* Should old acquaintance
be forgot *
* And never
brought to mind? *
* Should old acquaintance
be forgot *
* And days
of auld lang syne? *
* Auld lang syne, my dear
* Auld lang syne
* We'll take a cup
of kindness now *
* For auld lang syne
* We twa hae run
about the braes *
* And pu'd
the gowans fine *
* We've wandered
many a weary foot *
* Sin' auld lang syne
* Surely you'll be
your pint-stowp *
* And surely
I'll be mine *
* We'll take a little cup
of kindness yet *
* For the sake
of auld lang syne *
* For auld lang syne,
my dear *
* For auld lang syne
* We'll take a little cup
of kindness yet *
* For the days
of auld lang syne *
* For the days
of auld lang syne. *
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Steel Trap AKA Jigsaw (Butchered - Keiner kann entkommen) 2007
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