01x02 - Secure a Wife
Posted: 09/15/22 09:45
Loid: Yeah, no.
Franky: What?!
Anya: Anya cannot accept this mama.
Loid: You're just not going to cut it for the mother role, Franky.
Franky: You're literally a spy. Couldn't you have done my disguise better?
Loid: There's only so much I can do with your height and physique.
Franky: I can't believe I volunteered for this!
Anya: Have a peanut.
Loid: Operation Strix.
Loid: In order to stop a key figure in Ostania, Desmond, from trying to start a w*r,
Loid: I was given this top-secret mission as a member of WISE.
Loid: We were able to pass the written exam to get into the prestigious Eden College,
Loid: but who knew the interview process's next stage demanded the attendance of both parents?
Loid: Very well.
Sign: SECURE A WIFE
Loid: I guess I'll have to explore my options.
Camilla: Did you hear? A thief might've entered our office.
Sign: Capital City Berlint, City Hall
Camilla: Apparently, they only searched drawers with information regarding the girls.
Camilla: Like, what? What kind of creep does that?
Millie: Honestly, the section chief is way creepier.
Millie: He's always ogling me.
Sharon: That's because you're always wearing those short skirts.
Millie: Well, my boyfriend likes it when I wear them.
Millie: You've got a nice figure yourself, Sharon, so flaunt it more.
Sharon: You don't bother anymore once you have a kid.
Camilla: So hey...
Camilla: What do you think about this, Yor? Isn't it creepy?
Yor: Sorry?
Millie: Is that the section chief's coffee? Let's put some boogers in it.
Yor: Huh?
Yor: Do boogers somehow make it taste better?
Camilla: You know, Yor... I've gotta say you're rather...
Camilla: unique.
Millie: I know, right?
Millie: She's so out there that I bet guys keep their distance.
Sharon: Come on, now, Millie.
Camilla: You've got a nice face and body, Yor.
Camilla: You'd be a knockout if you just dressed up.
Yor: Uh-huh...
Millie: I'll give you the deets on some of my favorite cosmetics.
Yor: I'm honestly content as long as I get to keep this job.
Camilla: But aren't you, like, ? You need to be careful.
Camilla: There seem to be a lot of spies around lately, you know?
Camilla: So people are apparently getting reported over the tiniest things.
Camilla: The other day, a single woman in her late twenties
Camilla: got reported by her neighbors for being suspicious.
Millie: Wait, what? That's hilarious.
Millie: You know everything, Camilla.
Sharon: True, it's unheard of to be single at that age. Very suspicious.
Yor: Oh, I see. Thank you for the warning.
Camilla: Oh, yeah. I'm having a party at my place this weekend.
Camilla: You should totally come, Yor.
Camilla: Make sure you bring your partner with you.
Sharon: Isn't that asking a bit much?
Camilla: Maybe the creeper who snuck into this place will go with her.
Millie: That's so mean!
Yor: Hello, Briar residence.
Yuri: Hey, Sis. How have you been?
Yor: Oh, Yuri.
Yuri: How's work going?
Yor: Don't worry. I'm still employed.
Yuri: I'm worried about you. You're kinda unusual, y'know.
Yor: How rude. I'm completely normal.
Yuri: Isn't it about time you got married?
Yuri: Anyone you're interested in?
Yor: This again?
Yuri: The thing is, there's a chance I might get promoted...
Yuri: Meaning I'll probably be even busier running around than before.
Yuri: But I can't leave you alone like this,
Yuri: so I'm not sure if I should take it.
Yuri: The whole reason I got this far is because of you, and I'm truly grateful.
Yuri: That's why I just want you to be happy.
Yor: I know.
Yor: Thank you, Yuri.
Yuri: If you want, I can introduce you to someone.
Yor: Huh? N-No, that's okay.
Yor: O-Oh, yes. I'm actually going to a party this weekend.
Yor: With my partner, of course.
Yuri: Huh? You have a boyfriend?
Yor: I do, actually...
Yor: So don't worry.
Yuri: I see! That's great. It'll be a party with coworkers, right?
Yor: Yup. Camilla's throwing it.
Yuri: Ah.
Yuri: Then I'll have to ask Dominic about the guy later.
Yor: Huh?
Yuri: I mean, I know how gullible you are.
Yuri: I'll have to chase him away if he's a loser.
Yor: Huh? Um...
Yuri: I'll hold off on this promotion until I know he's a good guy.
Yor: Oh, you don't need to do tha—
Yuri: I look forward to meeting him. Goodnight.
Yor: What should I do?
Yor: I need to find someone by the time of the party.
Yor: If he finds out I'm lying, he'll think I'm a weirdo and a pathological liar,
Yor: and he'll lose even more trust in me.
Yor: I need to find someone for the sake of my little brother's promotion.
Yor: Yuri, you've got the wrong idea! I was just joking earlier—
Shopkeeper: Oh, dear. Did you buddy-buddy siblings actually have a quarrel?
Yor: Oh, Shopkeeper?
Yor: I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was you.
Shopkeeper: Good evening. I have a client for you, Thorn Princess.
Shopkeeper: The Royal Hotel.
Shopkeeper: Room .
Men in Black B: Apologies, my lady. This whole floor has been reserved.
Men in Black A: Did anyone call for this chick?
Men in Black C: Who knows?
Yor: But I've heard...
Yor: that a traitorous scumbag is staying here.
Brennan: What in the world?!
Men in Black C: It's an ambush! A lone woman—
Yor: Excuse me.
Yor: Vice Minister Brennan from the auditing department, I presume?
Yor: I am terribly sorry if I interrupted anything...
Yor: But may I have the honor of taking your life?
Narrator: Code name: Thorn Princess.
Narrator: An assassin.
Narrator: She was taught the skills of her trade from a young age,
Narrator: and has done any dirty work her employer requested ever since.
Yor: It's not coming off.
Yor: Huh? Oh, no! What shall I do?
Yor: This is the only nice dress I own.
Yor: Now I can't go to the party.
flashback Yuri: Anyone you're interested in?
flashback Sharon: It's unheard of to be single at that age.
flashback Camilla: Make sure you bring your partner with you.
Yor: But it's hopeless.
Yor: When it comes to homemaking... Cleaning is the only thing I can do.
Anya: Scruffy Head!
Franky: I copied all the files of unmarried women from city hall.
Loid: Great, thanks.
Franky: You need one who won't care you're divorced with a kid,
Franky: is refined enough for a prestigious school,
Franky: and is willing to get married within hours?
Franky: If a goddess like that exists, I'd sure love to meet her.
Franky: Meanwhile, I'm not picky at all, yet I can't even get a date.
Loid: How unfortunate.
Franky: Don't pity me, assh*le!
Anya: Is having a kid bad? Am I in the way?
Loid: You're not in the way at all.
Loid: Don't worry. Just go watch some TV.
Anya: 'Kay.
Franky: Actually, why don't you just use a female agent from your work?
Loid: A lot of them got caught in the recent spy hunts, so I couldn't find a good match.
Bondman: Wake up! Hey!
Bondman: You... You won't get away with this!
Franky: Selling people out is really in right now.
Loid: We don't have enough agents, so I got another mission on top of this.
Loid: Eliminating a certain smuggling ring.
Franky: They're working you to the bone!
Franky: Let's just get this over with.
Franky: The quickest options would be women in bad circumstances who'd cooperate with you.
Franky: Finding dirt on them might help, too.
Franky: If they don't have any, we can always make some up.
Loid: I'd like to avoid anything risky.
Franky: Oh, please. She's plenty risky.
Franky: She definitely doesn't look like any princess from a rich family.
Anya: Push! Push!
Loid: You've got a point.
Loid: I need to at least do something about her appearance.
Proprietress: Now, young lady, I'm going to take your measurements. Come with me.
Anya: I'm being sold off somewhere!
Loid: You won't be if you behave.
Loid: Honestly, where does she learn to talk like that?
Loid: The seamstress... is married.
Loid: The proprietress was listed among the single women,
Loid: but she's been arrested once over political activities, so she's too dangerous.
Loid: Finding the right person might take longer than—
Yor: Pardon me.
Female Employee: Oh, I haven't seen you in a while, Yor.
Yor: Hello. I was hoping I could get my dress fixed up.
Yor: Could I get it done as quickly as possible?
Female employee: But of course. You're one of our regulars.
Loid: She managed to slip behind me so easily. Who is she?
Loid: Yor... Yor...
Loid: There we go.
Loid: Yor Briar, years old.
Loid: She has no record of being married or divorced.
Loid: Both of her parents are deceased,
Loid: and she has one brother who's much younger than her.
Loid: They're both civil servants whose records are pretty clean.
Loid: Did I just let my guard down?
Loid: I'm far too relaxed lately.
Yor: Excuse me.
Yor: You've been staring at me ever since I walked in. May I help you?
Loid internal: Impossible! She could even sense my gaze?
Loid: Er, no, um, I'm sorry...
Loid: I was just admiring how pretty you are.
Yor: Does that mean...
Yor: You have a favorable impression of my physical appearance?
Loid: Er, well... Yes.
Camilla: You've got a nice face and body, Yor.
Camilla: You'd be a knockout if you just dressed up.
Yor: Um—
Anya: Papa!
Anya: I now know how long I am!
Anya: Who's that?
Loid: Another customer.
Yor: He has a child.
Yor: I almost pursued someone's husband.
Yor: I've heard that women have been k*lled by wives for such things.
Yor: I mean, if it happened to me,I'd just k*ll them back...
Anya: Huh?
Yor: No, I mustn't.
Yor: If I think like this, someone will eventually figure out that I'm an assassin.
Yor: I must learn to be more normal.
Anya: A-An assassin?!
Anya: A spy... An assassin...
Anya: I'm...
Anya: so excited!
Narrator: The little girl was starving for entertainment.
Loid: Hmm... I was considering her as a candidate to play my wife, but never mind.
Yor: I was considering him to act as my boyfriend at the party,
Yor: but I must avoid these so-called messy lovers' quarrels.
Anya: Ah, I am oh so lonely because I do not have a mama.
Loid: What brought this on?
Anya: I long for a mama.
Yor: Are you not with your wife?
Loid: Oh, er...
Loid: I actually lost my wife two years ago,
Loid: so I'm raising her on my own now.
Yor: So I won't be k*lled for asking him to the party!
Yor: Excuse me...
Loid: Pretend to be your boyfriend?
Yor: Yes... I fibbed to my younger brother about having a boyfriend.
Yor: If it's not too much trouble, I was hoping you'd accompany me to this party.
Yor: Um, I promise I don't have any ulterior motives!
Yor: Of course, I'll thank you properly, too.
Yor: I just want to put my brother's mind at ease.
Loid: Very well.
Loid: I accept.
Yor: Really?!
Loid: But I would like something in return.
Loid: So you see...
Loid: I'd like you to play the role of her mother during the interview.
Yor: Her mother?
Loid: With the future being so uncertain right now,
Loid: my only wish is for my daughter to get into a good school.
Loid: This was also the wish of my late wife.
Anya: Papa is a liar.
Yor: What a wonderful person.
Loid Internal: I'll have her accept something simple first,
Loid: It will only be one time. Would you be up for it?
Loid internal: but I'll get her to agree to a formal marriage in the end.
Yor: A-All right... If you think I'm fit for the role.
Loid: Thank you. Then let us reconvene at Saturday's party.
Yor: Yes.
Loid: I got a sitter for you on Saturday, so make sure you behave.
Anya: Stock up on them peanuts!
Loid: Yeah, yeah.
Cashier: Ten pents is your change, ribbit.
Cashier: Thanks, ribbit.
Anya: Ribbit?
Loid: A T... no, an F cipher.
Loid: Must be the details on the extra mission.
Loid: Retrieving art pieces that were stolen from the West and eliminating this smuggling ring.
Loid: I'm to carry out this mission Saturday at hours when the target meets with the buyer.
Loid: Saturday?
Loid: And so...
Loid: We're going to take care of this quickly so I can make it to the party.
Loid: You're helping.
Franky: Hang on a second! I'm just an informant! My fighting skills are literal trash!
Franky: Not to mention, you already pretty much capped your tab—
Loid: We're talking art pieces valued at a total of three million dalcs.
Loid: I'm almost certain no one would notice if one or two happened to go missing.
Franky: Leave it to me.
Franky: I just so happen to have invented some new spy gear just for days like this.
Loid: He's so useful.
Yor: Loid is awfully late.
Yor: I hope he wasn't in some terrible accident.
Lackey A: Hold it!
Lackey B: Who're you workin' for?!
Franky: You didn't tell me there'd be an army of them!
Loid: Two, four, six... of them.
Loid: I can't afford to waste even ten seconds on each one!
Loid: Reinforcements! There's no end to them.
Franky: I got 'em all in! Get in!
Franky: Whoo!
Franky: Let's see... Which one's going to accidentally go missing?
Loid: I'm helping myself to this one.
Franky: Hey, that's a diamond! No fair taking the expensive-looking one!
Loid: I'll use it as part of this whole charade.
Franky: Shut up! Give that back!
Yor: I see.
Yor: So this is what it means to have your heart toyed with.
Yor: I must keep my work relationships favorable for my brother's sake, too.
Yor: Which means that I must attend this party.
Camilla: You're late, Yor!
Yor: I do apologize. Here's a gift.
Camilla: Oh? I thought you were coming with your boyfriend.
Yor: Unfortunately, he had something suddenly come up.
Camilla: Oh, what a shame. I was so eager to meet him!
Camilla: What a lame excuse.
Millie: How pathetic.
Sharon: I knew she was lying about having a guy.
Millie: Should we report the liar?
Camilla: We should!
Camilla: I'm positive she's a spy who's been sent in to lower our country's birth rate.
Sharon: Seriously? That's so petty.
Sharon: She's just unpopular with the guys.
Sharon: Just leave her be.
Camilla: You're meaner than both of us, Sharon.
Dominic: It's too bad your boyfriend couldn't make it. I was excited to meet him.
Millie: You're so hilarious.
Yor: D-Dominic...
Dominic: Yuri's always so worried about you.
Yor: Um, could you possibly...
Yor: just tell my brother than I came to the party with a kind gentleman?
Camilla: Yeah, not happening.
Camilla: Just how desperate are you to impress people, Yor?
Camilla: It just makes you look even more pathetic.
Dominic: Jeez, knock it off, Camilla!
Camilla: Stop talking to my man.
Camilla: I'll be sure to let your brother know that you came alone.
Yor: What could she possibly gain by doing that?
Yor: This is honestly becoming tiresome.
Yor: If all of the adults here just happened to perish,
Yor: my brother would never find out...
Dominic: I'm so sorry. Have fun!
Dominic: Come on, Camilla. Help me bake this gratin.
Female Guest A: And then that guy...
Girl: Mommy!
Sharon: My oldest here will be taking an entrance exam soon.
Sharon: At the prestigious Eden College.
Female Guest B: Wow, that's wonderful!
Male Guest A: He'll be a shoe-in with the elite.
Yor: That must be what "normal" looks like.
Yor: I'm sure that's how my brother wanted me to end up.
Camilla: Seriously? She's still here.
Millie: She's tougher than she looks.
Sharon: I'm honestly surprised she had the nerve to show up alone.
Yor: I see... I'm too out of my league here.
Yor: I do beg your pardon.
Yor: I will have to take my leav—
Loid: I'm terribly sorry for arriving late.
Loid: I'm Yor's husband, Loid Forger.
Yor: Um...
Yor: I just needed a boyfriend, not a husband.
Loid: Shit!
Loid: I mixed up my mission with hers.
Dominic: Um... Mr. Forger, was it? You're bleeding.
Loid: Oh, pardon me.
Loid: One of my patients had a violent episode.
Loid: It happens all the time to a psychiatrist.
Loid: Have you been enjoying yourself, Yor?
Camilla: You're joking, right?
Camilla: You're married, Yor?
Camilla: Why didn't you tell us?
Yor: Um, I...
Loid: It's embarrassing to say so, but this is my second marriage and I already have a child,
Loid: so it may have been hard to bring up.
Camilla: Don't give me that shit!
Loid: It's my fault.
Camilla: There's absolutely no way Yor has a husband who's that handsome and hot!
Camilla: I'll embarrass her in front of everyone!
Camilla: Yor, I just got this piping hot gratin right out of the oven!
Camilla: Oops, I seemed to have tripped!
Loid: I admire your dedication to not wasting food,
Loid: but it's a bit improper to use your feet, Yor.
Yor: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Dominic: That got you?
Loid: This is quite delicious.
Yor: Indeed.
Camilla: Did you know, Mr. Ranger...
Loid: It's Forger.
Camilla: ...that she was apparently doing some questionable work before working at city hall?
Camilla: What did you do again?
Dominic: Come on, stop it!
Camilla: Men would call you to their hotel rooms so you could give them "massages"?
Camilla: Oh, you little whore.
Yor: That was...
Yor: "Massages" were a cover for occupational murders.
Yor: Um, please don't get the wrong idea, Loid. I—
Loid: How wonderful.
Yor: Huh?
Loid: Yor lost her parents at a very young age.
Loid: She did all she could to care for her younger brother,
Loid: even if it meant sacrificing herself.
Loid: Be it for someone else
Loid: or for a specific reason,having to endure a merciless job
Loid: requires an incredible amount of dedication.
Loid: And that's something to be very proud of.
Loid: Let's go home, Yor.
Yor: Er, yes... Thank you for the lovely party, everyone.
Loid: I-I'm so sorry I said I was your husband.
Yor: Oh, it's all right.
Loid: I'm not sure what to tell your brother if he hears of this.
Yor: Um, Loid... I have a suggestion.
Loid: What...
Loid: Remnants of the smuggling ring?
Loid: Hang on, Yor!
Yor: Huh?
Loid: How did they know where I was?
Loid: Did they... leave a tracking device in the art pieces?
Loid: You've definitely let your guard down, Twilight.
Yor: Who are those people?
Loid: Um, uh...
Loid: I-It appears some of my patients still haven't recovered
Loid: from their psychotic episodes.
Yor: Being a doctor must be very taxing.
Loid: She actually believed it!
Loid: In the meantime...
Loid: We're making a break for it.
Remnant A: They've abandoned the van.
Remnant B: They're probably hiding nearby. Split up and find them.
Loid: Yor, this way. Hurry!
Yor: Um... Are you sure it's all right for you to hit your patients like that?
Loid: Um, well...
Loid: The concussive recovery method is the latest in modern medical practices.
Yor: I see.
This is fiction.
Loid: I can't tell if she's actually bright or dumb.
Loid: Look out, Yor!
Loid: Another one! I can't dodge it!
Yor: Oh, no!
Yor: I'm so sorry an amateur like me helped with the recovery!
Yor: I happen to be an expert in self-defense.
Yor: My brother was kind enough to teach me...
Loid: Thank you, Yor.
Loid: That was quite impressive. Did you see how far he went?
Yor: I'm sorry. I guess I did send him flying.
Remnant G: There he is!
Loid: This way!
Remnant G: Do whatever you need to do! Make sure they're dead!
Yor: Um, Loid... This may not be the best moment to ask,
Yor: but why don't we get married?
Loid: I'm sorry?!
Yor: Er, well, it would extend our agreement...
Yor: I mean... Apparently, I'm considered suspicious just for being single,
Yor: so it'd be nice camouflage...
Yor: For me to continue my job as an assassin, too.
Yor: Um, basically,
Yor: if it's all right with you, maybe we could just stay together,
Yor: and not just for the interview...
Yor: For both our sakes.
Yor: He's probably the only person who could accept me for who I am right now.
Loid: Then let's stop by city hall on our way back to fill out the paperwork.
Yor: Huh? Right now?!
Loid: They do say no time like the present.
Loid: Oh, that's right.
Loid: Where did I drop it?
Remnant B: You bastard!
Remnant B: We have 'em cornered!
Remnant A: Fill 'em full of lead!
Loid: Yor...
Loid: Even in sickness,
Loid: or in sadness...
Loid: No matter what hardships await us,
Loid: let us be there for one another.
Yor: All right.
Loid: Until my mission...
Yor: Until my k*lling...
Loid and Yor: ...do us part.
PREPARE FOR THE INTERVIEW
Franky: What?!
Anya: Anya cannot accept this mama.
Loid: You're just not going to cut it for the mother role, Franky.
Franky: You're literally a spy. Couldn't you have done my disguise better?
Loid: There's only so much I can do with your height and physique.
Franky: I can't believe I volunteered for this!
Anya: Have a peanut.
Loid: Operation Strix.
Loid: In order to stop a key figure in Ostania, Desmond, from trying to start a w*r,
Loid: I was given this top-secret mission as a member of WISE.
Loid: We were able to pass the written exam to get into the prestigious Eden College,
Loid: but who knew the interview process's next stage demanded the attendance of both parents?
Loid: Very well.
Sign: SECURE A WIFE
Loid: I guess I'll have to explore my options.
Camilla: Did you hear? A thief might've entered our office.
Sign: Capital City Berlint, City Hall
Camilla: Apparently, they only searched drawers with information regarding the girls.
Camilla: Like, what? What kind of creep does that?
Millie: Honestly, the section chief is way creepier.
Millie: He's always ogling me.
Sharon: That's because you're always wearing those short skirts.
Millie: Well, my boyfriend likes it when I wear them.
Millie: You've got a nice figure yourself, Sharon, so flaunt it more.
Sharon: You don't bother anymore once you have a kid.
Camilla: So hey...
Camilla: What do you think about this, Yor? Isn't it creepy?
Yor: Sorry?
Millie: Is that the section chief's coffee? Let's put some boogers in it.
Yor: Huh?
Yor: Do boogers somehow make it taste better?
Camilla: You know, Yor... I've gotta say you're rather...
Camilla: unique.
Millie: I know, right?
Millie: She's so out there that I bet guys keep their distance.
Sharon: Come on, now, Millie.
Camilla: You've got a nice face and body, Yor.
Camilla: You'd be a knockout if you just dressed up.
Yor: Uh-huh...
Millie: I'll give you the deets on some of my favorite cosmetics.
Yor: I'm honestly content as long as I get to keep this job.
Camilla: But aren't you, like, ? You need to be careful.
Camilla: There seem to be a lot of spies around lately, you know?
Camilla: So people are apparently getting reported over the tiniest things.
Camilla: The other day, a single woman in her late twenties
Camilla: got reported by her neighbors for being suspicious.
Millie: Wait, what? That's hilarious.
Millie: You know everything, Camilla.
Sharon: True, it's unheard of to be single at that age. Very suspicious.
Yor: Oh, I see. Thank you for the warning.
Camilla: Oh, yeah. I'm having a party at my place this weekend.
Camilla: You should totally come, Yor.
Camilla: Make sure you bring your partner with you.
Sharon: Isn't that asking a bit much?
Camilla: Maybe the creeper who snuck into this place will go with her.
Millie: That's so mean!
Yor: Hello, Briar residence.
Yuri: Hey, Sis. How have you been?
Yor: Oh, Yuri.
Yuri: How's work going?
Yor: Don't worry. I'm still employed.
Yuri: I'm worried about you. You're kinda unusual, y'know.
Yor: How rude. I'm completely normal.
Yuri: Isn't it about time you got married?
Yuri: Anyone you're interested in?
Yor: This again?
Yuri: The thing is, there's a chance I might get promoted...
Yuri: Meaning I'll probably be even busier running around than before.
Yuri: But I can't leave you alone like this,
Yuri: so I'm not sure if I should take it.
Yuri: The whole reason I got this far is because of you, and I'm truly grateful.
Yuri: That's why I just want you to be happy.
Yor: I know.
Yor: Thank you, Yuri.
Yuri: If you want, I can introduce you to someone.
Yor: Huh? N-No, that's okay.
Yor: O-Oh, yes. I'm actually going to a party this weekend.
Yor: With my partner, of course.
Yuri: Huh? You have a boyfriend?
Yor: I do, actually...
Yor: So don't worry.
Yuri: I see! That's great. It'll be a party with coworkers, right?
Yor: Yup. Camilla's throwing it.
Yuri: Ah.
Yuri: Then I'll have to ask Dominic about the guy later.
Yor: Huh?
Yuri: I mean, I know how gullible you are.
Yuri: I'll have to chase him away if he's a loser.
Yor: Huh? Um...
Yuri: I'll hold off on this promotion until I know he's a good guy.
Yor: Oh, you don't need to do tha—
Yuri: I look forward to meeting him. Goodnight.
Yor: What should I do?
Yor: I need to find someone by the time of the party.
Yor: If he finds out I'm lying, he'll think I'm a weirdo and a pathological liar,
Yor: and he'll lose even more trust in me.
Yor: I need to find someone for the sake of my little brother's promotion.
Yor: Yuri, you've got the wrong idea! I was just joking earlier—
Shopkeeper: Oh, dear. Did you buddy-buddy siblings actually have a quarrel?
Yor: Oh, Shopkeeper?
Yor: I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was you.
Shopkeeper: Good evening. I have a client for you, Thorn Princess.
Shopkeeper: The Royal Hotel.
Shopkeeper: Room .
Men in Black B: Apologies, my lady. This whole floor has been reserved.
Men in Black A: Did anyone call for this chick?
Men in Black C: Who knows?
Yor: But I've heard...
Yor: that a traitorous scumbag is staying here.
Brennan: What in the world?!
Men in Black C: It's an ambush! A lone woman—
Yor: Excuse me.
Yor: Vice Minister Brennan from the auditing department, I presume?
Yor: I am terribly sorry if I interrupted anything...
Yor: But may I have the honor of taking your life?
Narrator: Code name: Thorn Princess.
Narrator: An assassin.
Narrator: She was taught the skills of her trade from a young age,
Narrator: and has done any dirty work her employer requested ever since.
Yor: It's not coming off.
Yor: Huh? Oh, no! What shall I do?
Yor: This is the only nice dress I own.
Yor: Now I can't go to the party.
flashback Yuri: Anyone you're interested in?
flashback Sharon: It's unheard of to be single at that age.
flashback Camilla: Make sure you bring your partner with you.
Yor: But it's hopeless.
Yor: When it comes to homemaking... Cleaning is the only thing I can do.
Anya: Scruffy Head!
Franky: I copied all the files of unmarried women from city hall.
Loid: Great, thanks.
Franky: You need one who won't care you're divorced with a kid,
Franky: is refined enough for a prestigious school,
Franky: and is willing to get married within hours?
Franky: If a goddess like that exists, I'd sure love to meet her.
Franky: Meanwhile, I'm not picky at all, yet I can't even get a date.
Loid: How unfortunate.
Franky: Don't pity me, assh*le!
Anya: Is having a kid bad? Am I in the way?
Loid: You're not in the way at all.
Loid: Don't worry. Just go watch some TV.
Anya: 'Kay.
Franky: Actually, why don't you just use a female agent from your work?
Loid: A lot of them got caught in the recent spy hunts, so I couldn't find a good match.
Bondman: Wake up! Hey!
Bondman: You... You won't get away with this!
Franky: Selling people out is really in right now.
Loid: We don't have enough agents, so I got another mission on top of this.
Loid: Eliminating a certain smuggling ring.
Franky: They're working you to the bone!
Franky: Let's just get this over with.
Franky: The quickest options would be women in bad circumstances who'd cooperate with you.
Franky: Finding dirt on them might help, too.
Franky: If they don't have any, we can always make some up.
Loid: I'd like to avoid anything risky.
Franky: Oh, please. She's plenty risky.
Franky: She definitely doesn't look like any princess from a rich family.
Anya: Push! Push!
Loid: You've got a point.
Loid: I need to at least do something about her appearance.
Proprietress: Now, young lady, I'm going to take your measurements. Come with me.
Anya: I'm being sold off somewhere!
Loid: You won't be if you behave.
Loid: Honestly, where does she learn to talk like that?
Loid: The seamstress... is married.
Loid: The proprietress was listed among the single women,
Loid: but she's been arrested once over political activities, so she's too dangerous.
Loid: Finding the right person might take longer than—
Yor: Pardon me.
Female Employee: Oh, I haven't seen you in a while, Yor.
Yor: Hello. I was hoping I could get my dress fixed up.
Yor: Could I get it done as quickly as possible?
Female employee: But of course. You're one of our regulars.
Loid: She managed to slip behind me so easily. Who is she?
Loid: Yor... Yor...
Loid: There we go.
Loid: Yor Briar, years old.
Loid: She has no record of being married or divorced.
Loid: Both of her parents are deceased,
Loid: and she has one brother who's much younger than her.
Loid: They're both civil servants whose records are pretty clean.
Loid: Did I just let my guard down?
Loid: I'm far too relaxed lately.
Yor: Excuse me.
Yor: You've been staring at me ever since I walked in. May I help you?
Loid internal: Impossible! She could even sense my gaze?
Loid: Er, no, um, I'm sorry...
Loid: I was just admiring how pretty you are.
Yor: Does that mean...
Yor: You have a favorable impression of my physical appearance?
Loid: Er, well... Yes.
Camilla: You've got a nice face and body, Yor.
Camilla: You'd be a knockout if you just dressed up.
Yor: Um—
Anya: Papa!
Anya: I now know how long I am!
Anya: Who's that?
Loid: Another customer.
Yor: He has a child.
Yor: I almost pursued someone's husband.
Yor: I've heard that women have been k*lled by wives for such things.
Yor: I mean, if it happened to me,I'd just k*ll them back...
Anya: Huh?
Yor: No, I mustn't.
Yor: If I think like this, someone will eventually figure out that I'm an assassin.
Yor: I must learn to be more normal.
Anya: A-An assassin?!
Anya: A spy... An assassin...
Anya: I'm...
Anya: so excited!
Narrator: The little girl was starving for entertainment.
Loid: Hmm... I was considering her as a candidate to play my wife, but never mind.
Yor: I was considering him to act as my boyfriend at the party,
Yor: but I must avoid these so-called messy lovers' quarrels.
Anya: Ah, I am oh so lonely because I do not have a mama.
Loid: What brought this on?
Anya: I long for a mama.
Yor: Are you not with your wife?
Loid: Oh, er...
Loid: I actually lost my wife two years ago,
Loid: so I'm raising her on my own now.
Yor: So I won't be k*lled for asking him to the party!
Yor: Excuse me...
Loid: Pretend to be your boyfriend?
Yor: Yes... I fibbed to my younger brother about having a boyfriend.
Yor: If it's not too much trouble, I was hoping you'd accompany me to this party.
Yor: Um, I promise I don't have any ulterior motives!
Yor: Of course, I'll thank you properly, too.
Yor: I just want to put my brother's mind at ease.
Loid: Very well.
Loid: I accept.
Yor: Really?!
Loid: But I would like something in return.
Loid: So you see...
Loid: I'd like you to play the role of her mother during the interview.
Yor: Her mother?
Loid: With the future being so uncertain right now,
Loid: my only wish is for my daughter to get into a good school.
Loid: This was also the wish of my late wife.
Anya: Papa is a liar.
Yor: What a wonderful person.
Loid Internal: I'll have her accept something simple first,
Loid: It will only be one time. Would you be up for it?
Loid internal: but I'll get her to agree to a formal marriage in the end.
Yor: A-All right... If you think I'm fit for the role.
Loid: Thank you. Then let us reconvene at Saturday's party.
Yor: Yes.
Loid: I got a sitter for you on Saturday, so make sure you behave.
Anya: Stock up on them peanuts!
Loid: Yeah, yeah.
Cashier: Ten pents is your change, ribbit.
Cashier: Thanks, ribbit.
Anya: Ribbit?
Loid: A T... no, an F cipher.
Loid: Must be the details on the extra mission.
Loid: Retrieving art pieces that were stolen from the West and eliminating this smuggling ring.
Loid: I'm to carry out this mission Saturday at hours when the target meets with the buyer.
Loid: Saturday?
Loid: And so...
Loid: We're going to take care of this quickly so I can make it to the party.
Loid: You're helping.
Franky: Hang on a second! I'm just an informant! My fighting skills are literal trash!
Franky: Not to mention, you already pretty much capped your tab—
Loid: We're talking art pieces valued at a total of three million dalcs.
Loid: I'm almost certain no one would notice if one or two happened to go missing.
Franky: Leave it to me.
Franky: I just so happen to have invented some new spy gear just for days like this.
Loid: He's so useful.
Yor: Loid is awfully late.
Yor: I hope he wasn't in some terrible accident.
Lackey A: Hold it!
Lackey B: Who're you workin' for?!
Franky: You didn't tell me there'd be an army of them!
Loid: Two, four, six... of them.
Loid: I can't afford to waste even ten seconds on each one!
Loid: Reinforcements! There's no end to them.
Franky: I got 'em all in! Get in!
Franky: Whoo!
Franky: Let's see... Which one's going to accidentally go missing?
Loid: I'm helping myself to this one.
Franky: Hey, that's a diamond! No fair taking the expensive-looking one!
Loid: I'll use it as part of this whole charade.
Franky: Shut up! Give that back!
Yor: I see.
Yor: So this is what it means to have your heart toyed with.
Yor: I must keep my work relationships favorable for my brother's sake, too.
Yor: Which means that I must attend this party.
Camilla: You're late, Yor!
Yor: I do apologize. Here's a gift.
Camilla: Oh? I thought you were coming with your boyfriend.
Yor: Unfortunately, he had something suddenly come up.
Camilla: Oh, what a shame. I was so eager to meet him!
Camilla: What a lame excuse.
Millie: How pathetic.
Sharon: I knew she was lying about having a guy.
Millie: Should we report the liar?
Camilla: We should!
Camilla: I'm positive she's a spy who's been sent in to lower our country's birth rate.
Sharon: Seriously? That's so petty.
Sharon: She's just unpopular with the guys.
Sharon: Just leave her be.
Camilla: You're meaner than both of us, Sharon.
Dominic: It's too bad your boyfriend couldn't make it. I was excited to meet him.
Millie: You're so hilarious.
Yor: D-Dominic...
Dominic: Yuri's always so worried about you.
Yor: Um, could you possibly...
Yor: just tell my brother than I came to the party with a kind gentleman?
Camilla: Yeah, not happening.
Camilla: Just how desperate are you to impress people, Yor?
Camilla: It just makes you look even more pathetic.
Dominic: Jeez, knock it off, Camilla!
Camilla: Stop talking to my man.
Camilla: I'll be sure to let your brother know that you came alone.
Yor: What could she possibly gain by doing that?
Yor: This is honestly becoming tiresome.
Yor: If all of the adults here just happened to perish,
Yor: my brother would never find out...
Dominic: I'm so sorry. Have fun!
Dominic: Come on, Camilla. Help me bake this gratin.
Female Guest A: And then that guy...
Girl: Mommy!
Sharon: My oldest here will be taking an entrance exam soon.
Sharon: At the prestigious Eden College.
Female Guest B: Wow, that's wonderful!
Male Guest A: He'll be a shoe-in with the elite.
Yor: That must be what "normal" looks like.
Yor: I'm sure that's how my brother wanted me to end up.
Camilla: Seriously? She's still here.
Millie: She's tougher than she looks.
Sharon: I'm honestly surprised she had the nerve to show up alone.
Yor: I see... I'm too out of my league here.
Yor: I do beg your pardon.
Yor: I will have to take my leav—
Loid: I'm terribly sorry for arriving late.
Loid: I'm Yor's husband, Loid Forger.
Yor: Um...
Yor: I just needed a boyfriend, not a husband.
Loid: Shit!
Loid: I mixed up my mission with hers.
Dominic: Um... Mr. Forger, was it? You're bleeding.
Loid: Oh, pardon me.
Loid: One of my patients had a violent episode.
Loid: It happens all the time to a psychiatrist.
Loid: Have you been enjoying yourself, Yor?
Camilla: You're joking, right?
Camilla: You're married, Yor?
Camilla: Why didn't you tell us?
Yor: Um, I...
Loid: It's embarrassing to say so, but this is my second marriage and I already have a child,
Loid: so it may have been hard to bring up.
Camilla: Don't give me that shit!
Loid: It's my fault.
Camilla: There's absolutely no way Yor has a husband who's that handsome and hot!
Camilla: I'll embarrass her in front of everyone!
Camilla: Yor, I just got this piping hot gratin right out of the oven!
Camilla: Oops, I seemed to have tripped!
Loid: I admire your dedication to not wasting food,
Loid: but it's a bit improper to use your feet, Yor.
Yor: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Dominic: That got you?
Loid: This is quite delicious.
Yor: Indeed.
Camilla: Did you know, Mr. Ranger...
Loid: It's Forger.
Camilla: ...that she was apparently doing some questionable work before working at city hall?
Camilla: What did you do again?
Dominic: Come on, stop it!
Camilla: Men would call you to their hotel rooms so you could give them "massages"?
Camilla: Oh, you little whore.
Yor: That was...
Yor: "Massages" were a cover for occupational murders.
Yor: Um, please don't get the wrong idea, Loid. I—
Loid: How wonderful.
Yor: Huh?
Loid: Yor lost her parents at a very young age.
Loid: She did all she could to care for her younger brother,
Loid: even if it meant sacrificing herself.
Loid: Be it for someone else
Loid: or for a specific reason,having to endure a merciless job
Loid: requires an incredible amount of dedication.
Loid: And that's something to be very proud of.
Loid: Let's go home, Yor.
Yor: Er, yes... Thank you for the lovely party, everyone.
Loid: I-I'm so sorry I said I was your husband.
Yor: Oh, it's all right.
Loid: I'm not sure what to tell your brother if he hears of this.
Yor: Um, Loid... I have a suggestion.
Loid: What...
Loid: Remnants of the smuggling ring?
Loid: Hang on, Yor!
Yor: Huh?
Loid: How did they know where I was?
Loid: Did they... leave a tracking device in the art pieces?
Loid: You've definitely let your guard down, Twilight.
Yor: Who are those people?
Loid: Um, uh...
Loid: I-It appears some of my patients still haven't recovered
Loid: from their psychotic episodes.
Yor: Being a doctor must be very taxing.
Loid: She actually believed it!
Loid: In the meantime...
Loid: We're making a break for it.
Remnant A: They've abandoned the van.
Remnant B: They're probably hiding nearby. Split up and find them.
Loid: Yor, this way. Hurry!
Yor: Um... Are you sure it's all right for you to hit your patients like that?
Loid: Um, well...
Loid: The concussive recovery method is the latest in modern medical practices.
Yor: I see.
This is fiction.
Loid: I can't tell if she's actually bright or dumb.
Loid: Look out, Yor!
Loid: Another one! I can't dodge it!
Yor: Oh, no!
Yor: I'm so sorry an amateur like me helped with the recovery!
Yor: I happen to be an expert in self-defense.
Yor: My brother was kind enough to teach me...
Loid: Thank you, Yor.
Loid: That was quite impressive. Did you see how far he went?
Yor: I'm sorry. I guess I did send him flying.
Remnant G: There he is!
Loid: This way!
Remnant G: Do whatever you need to do! Make sure they're dead!
Yor: Um, Loid... This may not be the best moment to ask,
Yor: but why don't we get married?
Loid: I'm sorry?!
Yor: Er, well, it would extend our agreement...
Yor: I mean... Apparently, I'm considered suspicious just for being single,
Yor: so it'd be nice camouflage...
Yor: For me to continue my job as an assassin, too.
Yor: Um, basically,
Yor: if it's all right with you, maybe we could just stay together,
Yor: and not just for the interview...
Yor: For both our sakes.
Yor: He's probably the only person who could accept me for who I am right now.
Loid: Then let's stop by city hall on our way back to fill out the paperwork.
Yor: Huh? Right now?!
Loid: They do say no time like the present.
Loid: Oh, that's right.
Loid: Where did I drop it?
Remnant B: You bastard!
Remnant B: We have 'em cornered!
Remnant A: Fill 'em full of lead!
Loid: Yor...
Loid: Even in sickness,
Loid: or in sadness...
Loid: No matter what hardships await us,
Loid: let us be there for one another.
Yor: All right.
Loid: Until my mission...
Yor: Until my k*lling...
Loid and Yor: ...do us part.
PREPARE FOR THE INTERVIEW