07x26 - Big Sister Sam/Perfect Chemistry

[bunniefuu]

[Seagulls calling] - are you ready, kids?

Kids: aye, aye, captain!

- I can't hear you!

Kids: aye, aye, captain!

- ♪ Ohhhhh!

♪ Who lives in a pineapple

♪ under the sea?

- ♪ Spongebob squarepants

- ♪ absorbent and yellow and porous is he ♪

- ♪ spongebob squarepants

- ♪ if nautical nonsense be something you wish ♪

- ♪ spongebob squarepants

- ♪ then drop on the deck and flop like a fish ♪

- ♪ spongebob squarepants

- ready? All: ♪ spongebob squarepants

♪ spongebob squarepants

♪ spongebob squarepants

- ♪ spongebob squarepants

ha ha ha ha ha!

♪

[Surf rushing, seagulls calling]

[light ukulele music]

♪

Both: [snoring]

- ♪ makin' it clean, I'm living a dream ♪

♪ makin' the scene

♪ I'm makin' it clean

♪ I'm makin' it clean

♪ I'm makin' it

♪ clean

- hey, buddy, what are you cleaning for?

- 'Cause I'm expecting some very important company.

- Who's that? - My big sister sam.

- Wow! I didn't know you had a sister.

- Nobody does.

I lost her in the surf when we were kids.

- Gee, I'm sorry, patrick.

- Sam took care of me

when I was just nursing on coral.

She was my-- [sniffles]

my...[Sniffling] my...

Rock!

[Sobbing]

- it's gonna be okay.

You're gonna see her again today!

Right? Today?

Come on, cheer up, buddy.

Hey, I'll make sure her visit here

will be extra-super-special, no matter what!

- Thanks, man. You're right.

I can't wait to make up for our lost years.

- Would you two pipe down?

- Sorry.

I was getting my place ready for my sister!

- Well, I hope she's not as obnoxious as you!

[Vehicle approaches]

[tires screech]

[pounding footsteps]

- sam!

- [Growls]

[heavy breathing]

brubber!

- Sis!

- Heh...heh heh...hah!

- It's so good to see you.

- You...sister sam

have much catch up to do!

- Hoo! Whoa!

You pack a wallop, sis!

Oof!

Sam, this is my best friend spongebob.

- Yeah, patrick and I go back a long way.

[Both laughing] long way.

- Long way.

- Yellow square

touch brubber!

Make sister sam...

Mad!

- I cleaned my rock just for you.

- Aah!

Oh!

- Hey, let's go inside and play.

- House too small.

Make bigger.

- Hey, great idea.

I'll just go get some tools and--

- no! - Uh--huh?

- I have all tools here.

- Oh, dear neptune, didn't you hear me?

[Gagging]

- thanks, sis.

- Sister sam loves to make rock

for brubber.

- Well, "make rock" someplace else!

My house is full of sand!

- If big nose no like sand...

Big nose move!

[Grunting]

[objects crashing]

- this is way beyond my property line.

Hey, patrick,

that oaf makes a better bulldozer than a sister!

[Laughs]

construction humor.

- No laughing!

- No, no, don't be upset with squidward.

He doesn't mean it. Do you, squidward?

- Oh, I mean it, all right. She's a big buffoon...

Like patrick!

Except bigger. And dumber.

And buffoonier.

- [Growling]

- oh, squidward, you jokester.

- [Snorting]

- um, do you think she looks a little...miffed?

- Rrrr!

[Whimpers]

[sobbing]

those boys mean!

They pick on sister sam!

- Shame on you two! Look what you've done!

- Look what <span>we've</span>done?

[Rumbling]

[whistling sound] - aah!

- Golly gee diddly, clint. That was a nice toss.

- Weren't me, tucker. My money's on the little missy

over yonder.

- Aw... Hey, sis.

Don't listen to those meanies.

- [Snuffling]

- the new rock, it's lookin' kinda...

Uh...boring.

What do you say we decorate it?

- Blecorate?

- You could call it whatever you like, sis,

just as long as we make it spiffy.

- [Grunting]

- make new house...spiffy!

Ha! Spiffy.

- Hey, you can't do that!

That's my window!

[Crash]

- [chortling]

blecorate.

- That's the spirit, sis! - Oh, no.

That is definitely not the spirit, patrick.

Your sister is outta control!

- Hey! Just mind your own business

and let us blecorate in peace.

- You can blecor--decorate until the sea cows come home,

for all I care!

Just do not use my property to do it!

[Gasps]

- more spiffy! Hee!

- But that's from...

My house!

That's it!

I have had my fill of this thieving brute!

- How dare you call my sister a thief!

Just--just 'cause she took some of your things.

- Easy now, gents. Let's not let tempers flare.

Now, don't you think, patrick,

that it's a teensie bit unfair

that sister sam dismantled squidward's house?

- No. I don't.

Not even a teensie,

eensie...

Teensie bit.

I see now that not only have you turned against my sister,

you've turned on your best friend as well!

- It's not like that at all, patrick.

I just-- - shush.

Meanies make brubber's eyes water!

Meanies go home!

Uhh!

- Wha!

- Come on, sis.

They can't bother us under our rock.

- Meanies is mean.

- [Muttering angrily]

- squidward?

Oh! Wait! Squidward, wait!

Before you do anything too rash,

let me try to talk to them.

- The time for talk is over!

Now is the time for action!

A rock made out of sand by two idiots

is no match for one carved from the--

[grunts]

tides of time!

- I don't think you should do that!

- Who cares what you think?

If it's destruction they want,

it's destruction they'll get!

Aah! - Who makes noise?

Oh!

Spiffy broken!

Sister mad!

- Oof!

- Now, sam, it's not what it seems.

Squidward was just rearranging the spiffy.

- [Growling]

sister sam rearrange now!

- Please don't.

Well, squidward, on the bright side,

this will motivate you

to finally take care of that kitchen remodel.

Right, squidward? Huh?

Hmm. Must be eager to get started.

- [Chortling]

both: huh?

- Oh, squidward! Squidward, stop!

Just calm down, buddy.

Let's ease that tentacle off the accelerator, hmm?

- Oh... You mean like <span>this?</Span>

- wow!

- Sweet destruction!

[Dramatic music]

♪

- That'll teach those meanies.

- You're still my rock, big sis.

- Patrick, I think your sister's temper

is getting out of control.

- Spongebob, why are you still saying mean things about sam?

- She destroyed my house in a fit of rage!

She needs to control her temper!

- I guess she can get a little carried away.

- What patrick doing?

Why patrick talk to meanies?

- Well, um...um...

It's about your temper, sam.

- No have temper!

This makes sister sam

so mad!

Sister sam

put on mean face!

[Growling]

now smash brubber house!

- Not the rock!

- [Growling]

patrick? Little brubber?

Little brubber?

Little brubber no wake.

- Patrick?

[Harp music]

- [sniffing]

- cookie dough.

- Patrick okay!

Sister sam feel bad.

Sorry she hurt patrick.

Should protect little brubber!

She go now! - Sis, no, hold on!

Oh, don't feel sad.

You don't have to go!

- Yes! Sister sam must go.

Late for manicure.

Bye, brubber.

- [Strangled] bye, sis.

Oof! [Wheels screech]

[ukulele music]

♪

Gee, isn't my sister somethin'?

- Oh, she's somethin', all right!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

[Light ukulele music]

♪

[Eerie music]

♪

- Almost done.

Could you hand me that wrench, spongebob?

- Nuh-uh-uh!

Lab partner. - Huh?

- You called me spongebob. I thought we agreed

to address each other by our proper titles.

- Spongebob! - Uh, uh, uh! Lab partner.

- There! It's finished.

Now I can hide my nuts back in texas

without leavin' my lab!

[Triumphal music]

♪

It worked!

Hooray! - We did it!

- Aw, nuts.

[Ominous music]

♪

- Finally... The day has come!

- You mean thursday?

- No. It is the day I steal the krabby patty secret formula

from crabs.

- And why, pray tell, is today different

from the other days you failed to steal it?

- Because today I've completed my greatest invention!

Behold!

What, exactly, am i... <Span> beholding?</Span>

a vegetable steamer?

- This is no ordinary vegetable steamer,

karen, my computer wife.

It's my latest invention, and isn't she a beauty?

Meow!

- Oh...brother.

- Sweetie, you're gonna help me achieve

my divine purpose, aren't you?

Yes!

And steal the krabby patty recipe!

Hee hee hah hah hah hah!

[Ding] ♪ it's ready!

Oh, boy.

Whew!

Man, is it hot in here.

- Tell me about it.

- It worked!

In this new gaseous form,

I'll be able to silently squeeze

through the cracks of the krusty crab.

[Laughing]

hah hah hah hah hah!

- Money, money, money, money,

money, money, money, money.

- Hee hee hee hee hee!

- Now, how much was-- - [chortling]

[farting sound]

- hmm. [Sniffing]

eew!

- Finally, the moment has come!

- No! No, no, no, no!

[Pfft...pop]

noooo!

[Pfft]

- [sniffing] eeh!

- Aah!

Hey! Cut it out!

- Plankton, is that you?

- Of course it's me, you moron.

- You were able to convert yourself

into gaseous form?

Fascinatin'!

- Huh? Wait!

- [Whistling]

I guess I never realized

you were such a student of science.

Maybe you could help me fix my nut transporter.

- Huh? Did you say transporter?

Hmm...

Interesting.

Hey! Maybe if I combine this device with my own invention,

the krabby patty formula will be mine!

I mean, I think I have the right parts in my lab, maybe.

- We're in business!

Say...this is a dandy lab.

- Is that good? - [Giggles]

does a pig play poker? - I guess.

- I shoulda visited you before...

What with you and me bein' the only two scientists in town.

- Ha ha. Yes.

- [Grunting]

- yes, sir. Your lab is amazing.

- Do you really like it? - And how!

- [Groaning]

here's your teleporter, lab partner.

- Thanks, spongebob.

- Please call me lab partner.

- So...where do I hook up my teleporter?

- Oh, just plug it into that doohickey over there.

- Just who are you callin' a doohickey?

- Wowee! Is that a real mark surplus wife-o-matic?

She is beautiful!

- [Giggles] oh, why, thank you!

- No, no <span>that</span>doohickey.

This doohickey!

Just plug your teleporter into my device,

and with our combined might, we shall conquer the world!

[Panting heavily]

- uh-huh.

Or I can combine your gasifier with my invention

and transform my nuts into a gaseous cloud

that transports them back to texas!

- [Exhales] yes, that's...what I meant.

- Yes! It's workin' at last...

New lab partner!

- Oh...

I guess you won't be needing me anymore.

- That's right!

And don't let the door hit you on the way out!

- Hold on! You can't go, spongebob!

We need you. - What?

He'll just get in the way.

- Need me? [Sniffles]

how could I help? I'm not even a...

[Sniffles] scientist.

- Why, you'll have the most important job of all.

You'll be our test monkey.

- Test monkey?

Ooh-ooh-ah-ah-ah! Uh-uh-uh-uh!

Test monkey reporting for duty.

- A test monkey?

I've never had a test monkey before!

[Sniveling]

there <span>is</span>some mad scientist in you after all!

Hee hee hah hah hah!

- Hah hah hah hah! - [High-pitched tittering]

[tittering]

- okay, we really have to work on your evil laugh.

- Ready! - Roger!

- Ugh!

Just a sec.

[Grunting]

whoa!

[Pfft]

- hey, who turned out the lights?

- Ugh! We only teleported his eyes!

- Oh, boy. Try again.

- Where is that idiot spongebob?

Leaving me stuck with all the cooking.

This job stinks!

[Pfft]

ooh. Literally.

- Aah!

Mr. Krabs! You gotta come with me!

There's something in the kitchen you gotta see!

- Oh, well.

[Thud] - oh!

- Try again.

[Pfft]

- see for yourself! Huh?

[Pfft] - [sniff sniff]

eh!

I see.

So it was you that befouled me office earlier, was it?

- Just a few more adjustments..

- Okay...

Let her rip!

- Do you think this is a good look for me?

Or is it a bit too flashy?

- Stand clear!

- Clear of what?

Aah!

- Something weird is going on around here.

[Pfft]

- hi, squidworth. - Aah!

Mr. Krabs!

There's a strange sound coming from the restroom!

- Hmm. Now only his mouth is missin'.

- Shut it down.

[Pfft] - [gasps]

for cryin' out loud, squidward.

What the heck is wrong with you?

[Pfft]

- test three!

- I cannot believe

I have to deliver all this junk food myself!

Aah!

What the--

huh?

Oh, thank you.

Aah! [Thud, crash]

[music volume raises]

[pfft]

- look, no hands! Or feet.

Ha ha ha! - Well, we're gettin' closer.

Goggles!

- Shall we activate it together?

- Why, sure enough!

Three! - Two!

- One!

- Fire!

Ow.

[Powering up hum]

[pfft]

- ooh, I gotta go to the bathroom.

[Pfft]

- oh!

Neptune's trousers, squidward!

Maybe you should just lay off the broccoli for a while.

- It worked!

We transported his whole body this time!

- Yes! My plan worked!

And now I have no further use for you two goody-goodies!

Using your technology,

I shall teleport myself directly to the krusty crab,

and the krabby patty formula

♪ will be mine!

[Chortling]

- oh, no. Plankton has finally won!

And we... We helped him.

- Not exactly!

Lab partner.

[Beep]

- the krabby patty formula!

But if that's here... Where's plankton?

- Fools!

I played them like a -bit synthesizer!

[Chortling]

now, where is that formula?

The formula is gone?

[Muffled] nooooooo!

- Do you hear something? - I don't hear a thing.

But something stinks.

- Aw, I knew plankton was hatching an evil plan

the whole time.

So I just adjusted the controls

to put plankton where he can't do any harm.

Nobody fools a squirrel from texas!

[Tittering]

[chortling]

ah hah hah hah hah hah!