02x11 - Sex Symbol

[bunniefuu]

♪♪ [Humming]

♪ You take the good
You take the bad ♪

♪ You take 'em both
and there you have ♪

♪ The facts of life
The facts of life ♪

♪ There's a time you
gotta go and show ♪

♪ You're growing
Now you know about ♪

♪ The facts of life
The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be living up
to your dreams ♪

♪ And suddenly
you're finding out ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ It takes a lot
to get 'em right ♪

♪ When you're
learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪
♪ Learning the facts of life ♪

♪ Learning the facts of life ♪♪

[Chattering]

Girls, can you guess why
they call these parties "mixers"?

- We're mixing, Mrs. Garrett.
- Sure you are... with each other.

Well, we haven't seen
each other since breakfast,

and we got a lot of
catching up to do.

Look, kids. Mixing's easy.

All you have to do
is walk up to a boy...

and start a simple conversation.

"Hi. I'm Edna. And
who might you be?"

I might be Tatum
O'Neal, if I was lucky.

Why waste that zippy
sense of humor on me,

when you could be
sharing it... with them.

She's right, Nat.

That's the spirit.

Now, go on. Be sociable.

Go on.

[Clears Throat] Shall
we take a shot at it, Nat?

I don't know. It looks much
easier in Teen magazine.

What's the matter? You never
have trouble talking to people.

I know I'm terrific in
groups, but one on one?

- Especially with a boy.
- That's silly.

Uh, why don't you
go over and talk to,

uh, him.

Maybe he's waiting for somebody.

Maybe he's waiting for you.

What is with you?

Do you get a finder's
fee or something?

[Mouths Words]

Hello.

You know, you're one lucky guy.

The guy I was supposed to talk to
was called away on an emergency.

His pet snake
had a heart attack.

The vet thinks it's stress,
but I think it's cholesterol.

Hi. I'm Natalie Green.

Hi. Uh... Uh, I'm Neil Richards.

I'm a sophomore at Bates.

No! I thought you were
here to check the gas meter.

Just a little joke there, but
stick around. I get much funnier.

You've got a real good
sense of humor. So do you.

But I haven't said
anything funny.

Oh, you will. If not
today, maybe tomorrow.

Tomorrow? What time?

Well, uh, maybe we
could study together, or...

Or something. Terrific.

You know, you're different than
most of these girls. Thank you.

All they care about
is how they look,

and you don't care
about that at all.

I-I didn't... I didn't
mean it that way.

Uh, look,

how about meeting me at
the library tomorrow at : ?

After class, but
before cocktails, right?

Right. You got
it. See you later.

- All right.
- I'll see you. Bye.

Tootie.

Details, Nat. I want details.

Tootie, you won't believe this.

But I think I just swept
someone off his feet.

Where can Natalie
be? It's almost : .

She's at the library,
studying with Neil.

I don't like it.

What if something
happened to her?

Maybe she fell off one
of those rolling ladders,

and she's lying there buried under
the complete works of Shakespeare.

Hi.

Natalie, you're back.

How was it? Are you in love?

Are you going steady?
Are you engaged?

Did you argue? Was
there another woman?

Did he break if off, or did you?

Oh, Natalie, I'm so
sorry, but never mind.

You'll find somebody else.

Tootie, stick a sock in it.

Come on, Natalie.
Tell us everything.

Wait. We'd better
sit down for this.

Come on. Right here.

Well... [Clears Throat]

it was just like in the movies.

We met at the library.

He picked out a private
table in the corner.

We opened our algebra books,

and before I knew it,
his was touching mine.

What?

His algebra book was
touching my algebra book.

Right there on
the library table,

in front of everybody.

And then... [Clears Throat]

And then it happened.
Neil asked me out.

Your first real date!
Congratulations.

That's terrific.
How do you feel?

- Nauseous.
- Why?

Studying in the library's easy.

Neil asked me
out on a bona fide,

go-to-the-movies,
have-a-hamburger,

walk-home-through-the-park date.

Finally, something
exciting to put in your diary.

Yeah, but I did
some quick figuring.

We'll be together
for at least four hours.

I really like him,

but what are we gonna
talk about for four hours?

Don't worry about it.

You can't talk in the movies,
and there's two hours right there.

Can't talk when you go to
eat. You're gonna be chewin'.

And you won't be
talking in the park.

You'll be too busy
looking out for muggers.

Thanks for the help,
you guys, but face it...

I'm doomed.

Come on, Natalie.

Natalie, Natalie,
Natalie, Natalie, Natalie.

All is not lost.

You just happen to be
rooming with the one person...

who can teach you
everything you need to know...

about conversation,
charm and popularity.

Thanks, Blair. Now,

as I see it, there's no
secret to a successful date.

It just needs... Puh-lease.

To you, a successful date
is arm wrestling at Shakey's.

Just remember.

I haven't been
dateless since .

Can anyone else in this
room make that claim?

Blair, help me, please.

Just do as I say, and Neil
will be putty in your hands.

Have we ever discussed...

Whoops. Oh.

Hi, girls. Hey, Mrs.
G. What's happening?

Well, I've been thinking of
changing my profession...

from school nutritionist
to answering service.

I've been taking phone
messages from boys...

all day long.

Here. These are for you...

Thank you. Natalie.

Neil called. That's sweet.

I guess he enjoyed
studying with you yesterday.

Tom called?

Henry?

Brian?

Are you sure they
weren't asking for Blair?

Yeah. Maybe you misunderstood.

"Blair." "Natalie."

No, they don't
sound anything alike.

Besides, they were
all very specific.

Tom wanted to study
with Natalie tomorrow,

Henry wants help
with Algebra Thursday,

and Brian was really desperate.

He'll take any
time you have left.

[Phone Ringing]
Well, I'll get it.

I've worn a path. [Laughs]

I don't believe it.
What am I gonna do?

I don't have that much homework.

Hey, relax. I'll give you mine.

- Blair, it's for you.
- Well. [Chuckles]

That's more like it.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

Hello. Oh! Hello, Johnny.

Did you miss me as
much as I missed you?

Natalie?

What about Natalie?

What about me? Shh!

Natalie, I'm trying to listen.

Oh, he did?

He did?

He didn't.

Well, thanks a lot
for telling me, Johnny.

Yeah. Bye.

What's up, Blair?

I don't know how
to say this, Natalie.

Blair, what is going on?

The reason Natalie's been
getting all those study dates...

is because, well...

Well, Neil's been
saying she's...

She's... Great in algebra?

No.

It was more like, "real
easy to get along with,"

if you know what I mean.

Real easy.

You mean he's saying that I...

That he... That we...
How could he say that?

I guess he just
opened his big mouth.

And I thought Neil
was such a nice kid.

I don't believe
he'd do that to me.

What am I gonna do?

Where I come from, we get
your brother to break both his legs.

Girls, physical v*olence
is not the solution.

Mrs. Garrett, a girl's
gotta protect her reputation.

She's right. Yeah.

I'm ruined. I'll never be able to
show my face around here again.

Do they list convents
in the yellow pages?

Natalie, you gotta
set the record straight.

Give Neil a piece of your mind,
and tell him and those other boys...

you don't ever want
to see them again.

Mrs. Garrett, you're making a
very good case for the convent.

Don't you worry, Natalie.
There'll be lots of other boys...

So many they'll have
to take a number.

You know, when you stop to
think about this whole thing...

- [Chuckles] it is kind of silly.
- What do you mean?

I mean, anyone who knows you
isn't gonna believe it for a minute.

You really think so?

Well, of course.
I mean, imagine.

You as a sex symbol.

Sex symbol. That is funny!

Loni Anderson,
watch it! Yes, yes!

[Phone Ringing]

I suppose it is kind of silly.

Silly? It's hysterical.
It's ludicrous.

It's not that funny.

Natalie, it's for you.

It's Neil. Tell him off, Nat.

Yeah. Blast him good.
And don't mince words.

Tell Neil you wouldn't go out with
him Saturday night if he paid you.

[Snickering] Well,
you know what I mean.

Hello. Hi, Neil.

Saturday night?
Sure, we're still on.

: 's fine.

See you then.

Bye.

Natalie, what are you doing?

Have you gone crazy?

No. I've come to my senses.

Everybody thinks
this is so funny.

Well, I'm gonna make
believers out of all of you.

From now on it's, "Good-bye,
Natalie. Hello, Hot Lips."

[Mouths Words]

It's true. Natalie's got a
date with Neil tomorrow night.

I guess Saturday night isn't
the loneliest night of the week...

for girls like Natalie.

At first I didn't believe
it, but Roger swears...

that every boy at Bates is
trying to get a date with her.

Of course they are.

You know what they're
saying about Natalie.

What are they saying about
Natalie? Aw, come on, Tootie.

Natalie's getting a worse
reputation than "Home Run" Helen.

Hey, watch your mouth.
Natalie's our friend.

I wouldn't brag about it if I
were you. Talk about available...

I heard she went out with Tom on
Tuesday and Henry on Wednesday.

And she was with
Brian yesterday.

Those were just study
dates in the afternoon.

You can do in the afternoon
what you'd do at night.

You can't say that.

Natalie's pure as
the driven snow.

Hot stuff comin'.

Natalie, I don't understand you.

With Neil soiling
your good name,

why did you make those
study dates with the other boys?

It's more fun than
studying alone.

Things are not going well here.

They're dragging your
name through the gutter.

I think I'm gonna
have to hit somebody.

Who asked you to
defend my honor?

I think I'm gonna
have to hit you.

Oh, Natalie, uh,

I hear you've got a hot
date with Neil tomorrow night.

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

Thanks, Nancy. That
gives me a lot of leeway.

Look who's talking!

Natalie, tell them you're
not doing anything wrong.

Yes, Natalie. Tell us you're
not doing anything wrong.

Let me put it this way.

I'm having a good time.

[Tootie] Don't pay any
attention to those jerks.

Natalie Green the
make-out queen.

Well, I love it.

You know, she should be
rooming with "Home Run" Helen.

Shh!

Can I take your
tray, Helen? Thanks.

- Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah, sure.

- Does it bother you when they
call you "Home Run" Helen?
- Not anymore.

Can I ask you another question?

What does it mean when they
call you "Home Run" Helen?

Just what you think it means.

Hey, don't let those
girls get to you.

They're just jealous. Don't you mind
that they don't want to be your friends?

Who needs them?

I may not have a lot of friends,

but I have a lot of company.

Can I ask you a question? Sure.

Why do you... do it?

Well,

for the same reason you...

do it.

- But you're so popular.
- Well, you're popular too.

No, I'm just... busy.

See ya later. Bye.

Make way for the trash.

Natalie, you've gotta
stop talking like that.

Look, Nat, I don't know
what you're trying to prove,

but people are starting to
believe those rumors about you.

Well, maybe the rumors are true.

Maybe it's not so impossible...

that Natalie Green
is a sex symbol.

We never said it was impossible.

Oh, yeah, you're right.

I believe you
said it was "funny."

"Hysterical."

And I believe "ludicrous"
was the word you used, Blair.

Well, nobody's laughing now.

Natalie, the girls have been...

filling me in on
what's going on.

Don't you think this
has gone far enough?

Mrs. Garrett, I don't
want to talk to you now.

Good. I'll do all the talking.

Nat... Nat... Natalie?

I know what you've been doing.

I haven't been doing anything.

I know that too.

But, for the past few days,

you've been letting people
believe that you have...

Encouraging them to believe it.

Now I know why.

Are you that mad at the girls?

They laughed at
me, Mrs. Garrett.

They couldn't believe I
could be popular with boys.

No, no. They couldn't believe...

that you would do what
Neil said you were doing...

to be popular with the boys.

I think there's a
subtle difference there.

I think there's a world
of difference there.

Natalie, you're gonna have
a lot of choices in your life,

but you're never gonna be happy
with the ones you make out of spite.

[Door Opens]

Natalie, Neil's downstairs.
He wants to see you.

Our date's not
until tomorrow night.

I better go see what he wants.

Natalie, I don't know
if all those rumors...

are true or not,
and I don't care.

You're still my best friend.

Spill it.

What do you want to
talk to Natalie about?

I don't have to tell you.
Oh, I think it's a good idea.

Just think of me
as one of the guys...

Natalie's brother.

What are you talking about?

Let me explain.

If you don't leave
Natalie alone,

I'm going to let her...

break both of your legs.

[Snapping Sound]

I am gonna leave her alone.
Before or after your date?

I'm canceling our date.

- Why?
- 'Cause he likes to walk.

Everyone's talking about your
hot dates with all those other guys,

and the truth is,

you've got a bad reputation.

I didn't do anything
with those guys.

That's not what I
heard. So what?

I didn't do anything
with you either.

That's not what I heard.

Well... Yeah.

You been telling everyone
you hit a home run,

when you never
even got to first base.

Y-You don't understand.

I-I was under a lot of pressure.

I-It was my first date, and
the guys were grilling me,

and you know how it is.

No, we don't.

How is it?

I'd like to know too.

I-I wanted the guys to think
I was cool and experienced,

so, uh, I embellished. Lied.

That too.

But honest, I didn't
think they'd call you,

and I sure as heck didn't
think you'd go out with them.

And they all came
back with these stories.

And you believed them?

Well, you mean those guys lied?

Why?

The same reason you did, twerp.

Yeah. How would it look if
they came back with nothin',

after a nerd like you
says he hit a homer?

That's true.

But I was protecting
my reputation.

What about my reputation?

All my life I've been
told to be a good girl.

It was easy to do. Up until
now, I never had a date.

Now, after one... one
innocent trip to the library...

All those years of hard
work go down the tubes.

Why? I'll tell you why.

Because you spent those
same years being told,

"You gotta make out.
Get a rep as a ladies' man."

I'm a victim of
macho malpractice.

I think I have to sit down.

Well, you certainly told him.

Shee! Yeah. You wanna
help me with my speech...

on Hitler's rise to power?

Natalie? You're right.

It was a rotten thing to do.

I understand what
you were going through.

You do? In a way, I was
going through the same thing.

I was so worried
about the other girls...

thinking I couldn't be
popular with the boys...

that I went out with anybody,

no matter who asked me or why.

I-I guess we were both
doing the same thing.

It's what Teen magazine calls
"reacting to peer-group pressure."

I-I really do think
you're a great girl.

Yeah? Yeah. Didn't we
enjoy being with each other?

Yeah. Well, what do you
say we just forgive and forget?

No.

What do you mean, "No"?

I mean, "No." Saying you're
sorry isn't enough, Neil.

- What do you want me to do?
- How about leaving town?

How about two dozen
roses and a strand of pearls?

Listen, Neil, it didn't take
you long to tell those lies.

Let's see how long it
takes you to "untell" them.

Oh, Natalie. That'd be
so humiliating for me.

I know, Neil, but you'll
live through it. I did.

I guess I owe it to you.

All right. I will.

And Natalie? I'm sorry.

[Door Opens]

[Door Closes]

Natalie, I couldn't have
handled that better myself.

Well, not much better.

Uh, I would have leaned
on him a little more.

But you did okay.

You know,

I can't wait till he's told
everybody the truth...

and humiliated himself,

and comes crawling back to
me on his hands and knees.

'Cause then I can
go out with him again.

♪ You'll avoid a lot of damage ♪

♪ And enjoy the
fun of managing ♪

♪ The facts of life
They shed a lotta light ♪

♪ If you hear 'em
from your brother ♪

♪ Better clear 'em
with your mother ♪

♪ Better get 'em right
Call her late at night ♪

♪ You got the future in
the palm of your hand ♪

♪ All you gotta do to get
you through is understand ♪

♪ You think you'd
rather do without ♪

♪ You'll never make it
through without the truth ♪

♪ The facts of life
are all about you ♪♪