01x12 - Molly's Holiday

[bunniefuu]

♪ There's a place you gotta go ♪

♪ For learning all you oughta
know about the facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ When your books are
what you're there about ♪

♪ But looks are
what you care about ♪

♪ The time is right to
learn the facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be living up
to your dreams ♪

♪ It's time you
started finding out ♪

♪ What everything is all about ♪

♪ When the boys you
used to hate you date ♪

♪ I guess you best
investigate the facts of life ♪

♪ You gotta get 'em right ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪♪ [Woman Vocalizing]

♪ The facts of life ♪

♪ The facts of life ♪♪

Oh, that's right, girls. Take your stuff
out to the porch with the other luggage.

Nancy, we're only going
home for a few days.

- What do you need
two suitcases for?
- My clothes...

and my dirty laundry.

Tootie, if we're going to New York
for the weekend, let's not be late.

I want to see your bags
down here on the double.

Thank you.

Molly, get a move on. Your parents
are gonna pick you up any minute.

Hey, girls, I thought I told you to
put your luggage out on the porch.

- It is.
- Then what do you call this?

Blair's luggage.

She's traveling
light. [Chuckles]

Now, remember, Tootie, when you are in New
York, there are three things you must see.

The Statue of Liberty, the Empire
State Building, and the biggie:

Bloomingdale's.

Bloomies'll be my first stop.

I'm gonna run right over
there and buy myself a bra.

Tootie, there's no rush.

Oh! [Chuckles] Well.

Molly, do I have to
build a fire under ya?

Boy, I can't wait to get
back home to Kansas City.

Smell the wheat, have a
big stack of Mom's pancakes,

and go fishin' with Dad
down at Miller's Pond.

It all sounds so
wholesome, I could barf.

Blair, you know what
you can do with New York.

[Phone Ringing]

I'm coming, I'm coming.

[Ringing] I'm coming!

Hello. Good morning,
Eastland School.

Oh, Dr. Parker. Yeah,
Molly's right here.

Just a minute, Dr. Parker.
Molly, it's for you. It's your dad.

- I'm not here.
- I just told him you were here.

- How can I tell him
you're not here?
- Lie!

I can't lie to your
father. [Grunts]

Uh, Dr. Parker, I'm afraid
I don't see her right now.

Could you hold on for just a
minute, please? Thank you.

[Chuckling]

Get over there and
pick up that phone!

Okay.

Molly, what is going on here?

I hate him! First he moved
out. Then he sent for his clothes.

Now they're getting a divorce
and splitting me up between them.

And it's his turn this
vacation, but I'm not going.

It's all too personal. I
don't want to talk about it.

Wow! Could you
run that by me again?

Your mother and father
are getting a divorce.

Your father's picking you up,
and you don't want to go with him.

You don't even want to talk about it,
and you're droppin' this b*mb on us now...

right before vacation, and I'm beginning
to sound like you. [Phone Ringing]

Molly, I believe that's
for you. I just left.

[Ringing] Oh, answer
the phone. Molly! Molly!

Hello, Dr. Parker?
This is Tootie Ramsey.

Lucky thing you called. I have this
terrible pain in my back, and it really...

Oh, you're an
orthodontist. That's okay.

I have an overbite too.

[Gasping] Oh, one more lap
and I would have caught her.

[Gasping] Dr. Parker? Sorry.

I just can't seem
to run her down.

Huh? Oh, terrific. [Chuckling]

I'll see that she's ready
for you when you get here.

All righty. Bye.

[Handset Settles
In Cradle] Molly!

Your father's calling from
a gas station in Peekskill.

He's gonna be
here in minutes.

I'm not going with him!
I don't care what the

courts say. He's not
taking me into custody.

[Sighs] Custody? Molly...

We'll go up with her, Mrs.
Garrett. Yeah, I know how she feels.

Oh, you're an amateur at this,
Cindy. I've been through it three times.

Well, Mrs. Garrett. I'm off for
a glorious week at Club Med.

Oh, I really need this vacation.

I've had enough of teachers
and kids and concerned parents.

I need some time all to myself.

Of course, there may be a few
grown-up women there. How do I look?

Like a headmaster at
a frontier singles' bar.

Perfect. Just the
look I was after.

Mr. Bradley, we're
having a crisis here.

Did you know that Molly's
parents are getting a divorce?

And she won't
talk to her father.

Getting a divorce?
[Clicks Tongue]

Gee, I guess I better check to
see who we're sending the bills to.

- Remind me when I get back.
- Her father's picking her up
in minutes,

and she refuses to
spend the holiday with him.

Gee, that's tough. But divorce is a family
affair. He'll handle it when he gets here.

Mr. Bradley, Molly
really needs our help.

Mrs. Garrett, don't be
such a nosy mother hen.

- I got a plane to catch.
- How can you run out on her?

Mrs. Garrett, it isn't our place to
meddle in a parent-child relationship.

He'll be here in a minute. They'll
work it out. Gotta go. Surf's up.

Mrs. Garrett, did
you hear the news?

Molly's parents are
splitting up. Scooped again.

[Sighs]

Oh, come on, Molly. You'll get
used to having divorced parents.

- No, I won't.
- Sure you will!

Your mother'll start a whole new
life. She'll date rich, older men.

- How sad.
- Sad? Older men
make great husbands.

How often can
they be unfaithful?

Then your father will move in with
someone young enough to be his daughter.

You'll be able to
wear her clothes.

It sounds awful. My parents would
never think of getting a divorce.

Of course not. No one
gets a divorce in Kansas.

They can never decide
who gets custody of the cow.

They don't have to decide. They can
make a giant hamburger and split it.

Sure, Blair. Go ahead
and put down the Midwest,

just because our
marriages are normal.

Normal? You call living in a
Norman Rockwell painting normal?

Divorce is what's normal. Over half
of today's marriages end in divorce.

It really isn't that bad, Molly.

Besides, you get guilt presents
like you wouldn't believe.

- Guilt presents?
- Sure!

One holiday you're with your father,
the next, you're at home with your mother.

- If she gets the house.
- She'll get the house.

That's the American way.

No, the American way is
nice people staying married.

Who taught you that? [Childlike
Voice] Your mummy and daddy?

That's right, Blair.

It's : . Do you know
where your mother is?

How would you like me to take some of Mom's
apple pie and... Go ahead and try, Blair.

Just try! Would you grow up?

Oh, good.

I'm glad you girls
are comforting Molly.

- Cindy, Nancy, you've
got a plane to catch.
- [Gasps] Oh, that's right!

But we can't leave Molly now.
She's in the middle of a divorce.

Molly, why don't you spend
the spring break with me?

No, that won't work, Cindy. She's
gotta face up to this sooner or later,

and the sooner, the better.

Listen, get your
stuff together and I'll

drive you to the front
gate in a few minutes.

Okay. Good-bye, Molly.
Good-bye. Good luck, Molly.

Bye, you guys. Bye.

[Sue Ann] Have a good time.

Molly, do you want to
talk about what's going on?

No. You sound mad.
I don't blame you.

- It's a rough deal.
- Molly, go ahead and cry.

You're not wearing mascara.

I'm too mad to cry.
Oh, good. Be mad.

Get it out. Get it all out.

Mrs. Garrett, we're
going to miss our plane.

Yeah. Would you get
your fanny downstairs?

Well, I'm moving
it as fast as I can.

I'll be right back,
honey. Carry on, girls.

- It sure is sad when love ends.
- Not if alimony begins.

It doesn't have to end sad.

Parents can get back
together. Mine did.

- Really? Tell me how!
- I got sick. Mononucleosis.

There I was, lying
helpless in the hospital.

My pillow was fluffed, and
my bed pan was out of sight.

Then my parents
came into my room...

and saw my weak and
frail body just lying there.

I buy everything so far
but the "weak and frail" part.

Then my father pulled
the curtain for privacy.

Only the woman in the
next bed kept coughing.

[Coughing]

My father looked into my
mother's eyes and said,

"What does that woman have?"

And that's how they
started talking again.

Now they're living at home together.
Who knows? They might even get married.

What a terrific idea. Molly, I
bet that'd work for your parents.

- Yeah, but I'm not sick.
- Oh, sure you are.

Oh, you have a terrible
fever, and you feel very dizzy.

- Get it?
- Oh, yeah.

I think I have mononucleosis.

Make it twice as bad.
You've got stereonucleosis.

Better put your robe on
before you get the shakes.

Okay, we'll call your mother and tell her
you're sick. I bet she'd come right over.

And then when she sees your
father, it'll be love all over again.

Hey, wait a minute,
wait a minute. That has

got to be the dumbest
idea I've ever heard.

Keep out of this, Blair. We're
trying to save a marriage.

It'll be just like that story
in this month's Cosmo.

Sue Ann, if you
believe that story,

you probably believe the bust enlargement
ads in the back of the magazine.

You mean, they don't work?

Come on, Molly.
Let's go call your mom.

I can't wait to see the look on Mom's
face when she just happens to run into Dad.

[Laughing] Right! Come on.

You should have seen Molly
on the phone, Mrs. Garrett.

Boy, did she give a performance.

She said she had a terrible
fever and dizzy spells.

She did a snow job.

Molly, do you think that
dragging your mother up here...

to confront your father is
such a terrific thing to do?

Oh, she'll thank me when
she and Dad get together again.

I told them it was crazy, but
the Midwest meddler insisted.

Blair, go suck a haystack!

Girls! Molly, does your mother
know that your father's gonna be here?

Of course not. That
would spoil the surprise.

Men over shouldn't be surprised,
unless there's a paramedic standing by.

Molly, do you think that bringing
your mother and father here...

means they're going
to get back together?

- It worked for me.
- You're not gonna tell...

my father that mother's
coming up, Mrs. Garrett.

That's right, Mrs. Garrett.
Best friends don't squeal.

- [Chattering]
- If you can't stand the heat,
go into the kitchen.

- All right, I won't squeal.
- [Sue Ann] Good!

But I won't put up with your
playacting. Off with the robe.

- Okay.
- Hey!

There's a snappy-lookin'
dude comin' up the driveway.

- [Mrs. Garrett] What?
- Could that be your father?

No. My father
dresses like a dentist.

- Did he get out
of a Dodge Dart?
- No. It's a silver Porsche.

[Chuckles] That's not my father.

Don't be too sure. After the separation,
men always buy a German sports car.

It makes them feel macho.

[Knocking]

Dr. Parker. Hello, Mrs. Garrett.

Come in, come in. Molly!

[Chuckles, Clicks Tongue]

Oh, you look so
beautiful, honey.

You too grown-up to give your
father a hug? Come on. Give it a try.

Ah! Oh, gee, I missed
you, sweetheart.

Hey, I bought you a
little present. Thanks.

"A little present"?
Well, it's a beginning.

Well, aren't you
gonna open it? Later.

You look so different.

Where's your suit and your
tie and your Dodge Dart?

Traded 'em all in. I had a
midlife-crisis garage sale. [Laughs]

Has Mom seen the new
you? Yeah, once or twice.

I guess you noticed she
looks better than ever.

Well, she always looks terrific. Oh,
and you got yourself a gold chain.

Just some old fillings I repossessed
from slow-paying patients.

[Chuckling] Dr. Parker, I'm
gonna get you a cup of coffee.

Well...

No, no, no. I won't
take no for an answer.

Molly, introduce your
father to your friends.

Oh, sure. Dad,
these are my friends.

- [Together] Hi.
- Hi, friends.

Well, ready to go, Moll?
No! Daddy, you've got to stay.

- Why?
- Because any minute now,
your wife...

Anyway, we'd like to get to know
you better. Yeah. Come on. Please.

Sit down. Come on, make
yourself at home. [Grunts]

You know, I've always been
fascinated by orthodontia.

[Chuckles] Probably because
I've never needed it myself.

[Doorbell Rings] [Gasps] I
wonder who that could be?

[Sighs] Hello.

- That's not Molly's mother.
- I-I'm with Dr. Parker.

- Who's that?
- Yeah, who's that?

Uh, Molly, this is Angela.

- Who's Angela?
- Yeah, who's Angela?

Uh, she's a friend of mine.
Hi, Molly. It's nice to meet you.

Uh, Angela's gonna
have lunch with us.

I-I thought it was time the
two of you, uh, got acquainted.

[Chuckles] Here. For you.

[Whispers] Two.

Boy, are we going to have a good
time together today. Just the three of us.

And Molly's mother makes four.

Molly, you know, you're all
that your father talks about.

How come he's never
talked about you?

Well, because... Why haven't
you mentioned me, Jeff?

Uh, girls, girls, hot
cocoa in the kitchen.

Come, girls, fill up your mugs.

[Sue Ann] Right.
Let's get some cocoa.

But I don't want to miss what
happens when you-know-who gets here.

Tootie, come on!

Molly, I didn't mean this to be a
shock to you. Actually, it was my idea.

I-I just thought that it was
time for you to meet Angela.

Okay, I've met her.
What about Mom?

Molly, you know your mom and I
really weren't very happy together.

But I was! You
don't care about me.

Of course I do, honey.

Just because I'm not
living at home doesn't

mean I don't love you
as much as I always have.

That's just talk! You're
selfish, and I hate you!

Molly, please!

You see? You
should've mentioned me.

Ever since I moved out
of the house I can't seem...

to do anything right
where she's concerned.

She can't help it, Dr. Parker.

She just can't accept the
idea of your divorce yet.

I hoped she'd have
gotten used to it by now.

[Chuckles] It's gonna
take a little time.

[Sighs] Well, Miss Fix-it. What are you
gonna do when Molly's mother gets here?

Will you just shut up,
Blair? It's awful enough.

This is one time it doesn't
feel so good to be right.

I'm gonna go talk to Molly.

[Sighs]

♪ Fathers can't be trusted ♪

♪ My heart feels
like it's busted ♪

♪ Boy, am I disgusted ♪

♪ I got a right to
sing the blues ♪♪

That's it. Sing it,
Molly. Let it all out.

What a crummy thing to do, bringing
that sneaky frizz-head up here.

She's gonna ruin Mom
and Dad falling back in love.

Oh, I see. You're still trying to get
the folks back together again, huh?

Yeah! It's gonna work out. Once he
sees Mom again, he'll drop that floozy.

Mm-hmm. Tell me, Molly.

What was it like when
you were all together?

It was terrific. It
was wonderful.

Molly, you said yourself your
mom and dad fought all the time.

Okay, so it
wasn't that terrific.

But at least we were
together, until Dad ruined it.

Come on, Molly.
What was it really like?

Well, Dad would come
home late from the office,

'cause he's a workaholic.

That's what Mom says. Then she
would say, "You've ruined dinner again."

And then he would say, "How
can I ruin it? You cooked it."

And I bet I know what
happened after dinner.

They'd go into the
bedroom, and they'd argue.

No, they figured out a way to
argue in front of me. They'd smile.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh,
my mother was a whiz at that.

"So what if you've torn
up my credit cards, dear?

I just ran your favorite sweater
down the garbage disposal."

Molly, is that really what you
want them back together for?

- It's better than nothing.
- Oh, no, it isn't.

That's that terrible game called
"staying together for the kids."

You try to convince them you're so happy
together, and then everybody's miserable.

Well, it wasn't that bad, and
it would have gotten better...

if they'd loved me enough
to keep trying to make it work.

Molly, let me tell
you something.

I've had a father
and two stepfathers,

and all of them put
together haven't given me...

as much love as your father's
trying to give you right now.

Hey, you know me.
I don't envy anyone.

But downstairs, when your
father gave you that hug?

Well, I-I got kind of close.

Hey, I'm gonna turn
you over to Mrs. Garrett.

She's the expert.

Well, Molly, how
are you feeling now?

I don't know. I'm just so
confused. Molly, Molly.

Just 'cause your parents are divorcing each
other doesn't mean they're divorcing you.

Oh, Molly, there's
no magic pill.

But I can tell you one
thing: It does get better.

Yeah, I guess so.

All right.

Now, why don't you
go downstairs and tell

your father your mother's
arriving soon, huh?

Hey, Molly, guess
what? I got another idea.

When your mom gets here, we tell her
that Angela's my sister, and your dad is...

Sue Ann, forget it.

Oh, Molly!

So, you're Dr. Parker's
dental hygienist.

- That's right.
- Sounds like fun.

Just the two of you
and all that laughing gas.

Dr. Parker, Molly
will be right...

- Mr. Bradley!
- Mrs. Garrett.

What are you
doin' here? You left.

I'm back. Because when
one of my girls hurts, I hurt.

Guess that's why I'm the
headmaster. What about Hawaii?

Oh, Hawaii isn't
going to go anywhere.

Besides, there are some
things more important

than sitting on a beach
with a pig at a luau.

- [Laughing]
- Molly.

- Dad, I'm sorry I said
I hated you.
- That's okay, honey.

I'll tell you what. Why don't we
sit down and have a little talk?

Can I talk first? I did a real dumb thing.
I called Mom and told her I was sick.

She'll be here any minute, because I
wanted you and her to get back together.

But who'd have figured
on you bringing Angela?

And what are we gonna do now?

Molly, I just remembered
how much I love you.

Me too, Daddy.

[Sighing] Now, don't you
worry about your mom.

She's doing just fine in her new career,
and she has a special friend of her own.

Really? Yeah. So are we
gonna go on our vacation?

Sure. But what about Mom?

We'll wait till she gets here, so
she'll know everything's all right.

[Whispers] But she'll
see Angela. [Chuckles]

Oh, she already knows
Angela. They're friends... almost.

How nice. A match approved by
the American Dental Association.

I missed my plane,
and there's no problem?

But tell me: Isn't this better than
sittin' on the beach with a pig at a luau?

Hmm? Hmm? [Laughs]

[Mouths Word]

♪ When the boys you
used to hate you date ♪

♪ I guess you best investigate ♪

♪ The facts of life
The facts of life ♪

♪ If you hear 'em
from your brother ♪

♪ Better clear 'em
with your mother ♪

♪ Gotta get 'em
right The facts of life ♪

♪ When the world never seems ♪

♪ To be living up
to your dreams ♪

♪ It's time you
started finding out ♪

♪ The facts of
life are all about ♪

♪ You ♪♪