02x20 - Return of the Ridge Raiders

[bunniefuu]

Hold it.

And put Jesse and his
pals on a collision course..

Miss Daisy Duke!

With Boss Hogg's
playful new scam.

Dang, dang.

Hey!

What more could a man ask for?

Yee-haw!

Dang!

'Yee-haw!'

Well, it all started

on one of them fine
Hazzard mornings

the dawn bright and clear
as new squeezed cider.

Bo and Luke was out
givin' the General a stretch

while some other
citizens of Hazzard

were tending to their affairs.

- We're all set. Let her go.
- Yeah.

Yeah, she's set.

Hold it!

Hold it there, you dang fools.

- This ain't the legal way.
- Hogwash!

We're the Ridge Raiders

and that's the way
we did it years ago.

Yes, siree.

Forty years ago, we was
all young moonshiners.

We needed law and order then.
But now, things has changed.

Well, Boss Hogg ain't.

He's tryin' to steal the money
from the Senior Citizen's Center

and we ain't gonna
let him get away with it.

- Stand back.
- Amos, Amos, you...

Amos!

Amos, you forgot your detonator.

Well, that gets
us off to a bang.

Meanwhile, the boys were
heading back to the farm

concerned about
their Uncle Jesse.

He'd been acting
mighty strange lately.

You know, Luke, I'm really
worried about Uncle Jesse.

He ain't never burned
a gooseberry pie before.

Then there's all them
mysterious phone calls.

Well, how about him
pussyfooting off all the time

without tellin' us
where he's going.

Say, you don't suppose it
could be a women, do you?

Could be. He's a Duke.

Yeah, he is.

Uh-oh, here's a Duke in trouble.

We better pull on the side
of the road, see what's wrong.

- Hey, Uncle Jesse.
- What's wrong with your truck?

Well, the fuel pump
was acting up, I got it.

- The hose clamp's loose..
- Lucky we headin' by.

- Lemme take a look.
- No, that's alright.

That's alright, I got it.

Uncle Jesse, where'd you
scoot off to so early this mornin'?

Well, I uh, I uh..

Well, I had some
things I had to attend to.

Oh, listen, you two, I may
be gettin' long in the tooth

but I can still handle
my own affairs.

I'll see you back at the place.

- Alrighty.
- Yes, sir.

Bye.

Phew!

He's acting stranger than a
hound dog under the full moon.

I wonder what he's doing up
this neck of the woods anyways.

- I don't know.
- You know what?

Henstep's place is
right back over the hill.

We go up there and see is if
can get a little information, huh?

Alrighty.

"Are you beautiful?
Talented? Sexy?

Then you can be a.."

"A Pretty Piggy!"

"Sign up right now for
the auditions." You hear?

- Let's go!
- Alright.

- Come on, girls.
- Come on.

Buster, what in tarnation
are you doing here?

I left Enos hot on the
trail of them Duke boys

and come back here
to have my lunch.

Anything wrong with that?

Yeah, there's something
wrong with that.

Eatin' on duty, that's a no-no.

Now, you just go stick
with Enos. You hear me?

And so that he don't
lose them Duke boys

instead of stuffin'
yourself on company time.

Twelve hundred hours.

I always eat at
twelve hundred hours.

- 'Hey, Uncle Jesse.'
- Hey, Daisy.

Jesse Duke, what
are you doing here?

I'm signing up Pretty
Piggys, not old goats.

I want to talk to you, and
I need your full attention.

Yeah, careful, your
wrinkling my suit.

- Get in there.
- Jesse, now look.

Alright, J.D., I'm tired of
being shucked and jived

by the likes of you.

Now I wanna know, as
head of the building committee

what happened to the money
that was sent down here

for the senior citizen's home?

Hm?

What money is that...

You know what
money I'm talking about.

The money that came
down from the state capital

to build a recreational
hall here for the old folks.

Oh, you mean that money.

That money.

Well, Jesse, you know how
it is with government money.

I mean, there is nothing
but details and red tape

and boondoggling.

There's no tellin'
how many years go by

before that money shows up.

Just knock it off, J.D.

You think just
'cause they're old

they can be lied to and cheated.

Now you just hold on, Jesse.

You talkin' about
misappropriating

government funds?

That's a very serious charge.

Well if the sticky
finger fits, wear it.

'But let me tell you this, J.D.'

I'm gonna get to
the bottom of this.

And if I find out
you misappropriated

or spent one dime of that money

you're gonna be in more trouble

than a one-legged man at a
Hazzard County butt kickin'.

Get out the way.

Boy, Jesse sure is in a dander.

If he finds out that you're
using the senior citizen's money

to build your playpen.

You shut up that
flappin' frontal of yours.

I told you, that's
supposed to be a secret.

Ah, what the heck.

Jesse can't prove
nothing anyhow.

And besides, I'm
the town treasurer.

So it's up to me to decide
how that money's spent.

Now you get back on the job

or your first week's
gonna be your last. Get..

'Boss! Boss! Boss!'

The boys had dropped
by Henstep McCullum's

to see if he had any
notions about ol' Jesse.

But Henstep's wife said
that he'd been away a lot

an acting more
touchy than usual.

Hell, I sure hope Uncle
Jesse ain't involved

with whoever is sabotaging Boss.

No way, not Uncle Jesse.

You know if he had
any gripe with anybody

he'd settle it nice and
legal-like. Wouldn't he?

Uh-oh. Cousin, we got company.

Enos' been there all day.

Well, cousin, do you
enjoy havin' a tail?

Do I look like a possum?
Don't answer that.

Hang on.

Alright.

Bye-bye, Enos.

While the boys were shakin' Enos

ol' Jesse was trackin'

hot as the beagle
on his first hunt.

We, the Ridge Raiders,
do solemnly swear

to uphold what's
fair and square.

And to whoop up on anybody

what tries to stop us.

All for one, and one for all.

Now, you're all
gonna end up in the jug

if you keep up
with this tomfoolery.

Now, Jesse, don't
start up again.

Yeah, again?

Now, now, boys, if you
just give me a chance

I'll get this senior center all
fair and square and legal-like.

Now, I wrote a
letter to the governor

and also wrote to the
President of the US of A.

Well, you keep on writing.
We'll keep on dynamiting.

Yeah!

Now, Amos, you're
just headed for trouble.

'You're losing your touch.'

Up at the mine, you went
off and left your detonator.

I took it home and stashed it.

Go ahead and
keep it. I got a spare.

This sure beats sittin'
in a rocking chair.

I haven't felt this good
since I got my new uppers.

Well, let's go, Raiders.

Boys, if you'll just give
me another chance.

Dang, dang, ding..

Ding... clear.

Sounds like that left
motor mount's comin' loose.

You got a crescent wrench handy?

Uh, check Uncle
Jesse's tool box.

- Hey, Bo.
- Huh?

Take a look what Uncle
Jesse had stashed in the barn.

This here's a
home-made detonator.

This is as good as what
we had in the Marines.

You mean, Uncle Jesse is
tying with them explosions?

As much as I hate to admit
it, it looks pretty incriminating.

We best throw it in the creek.

You got it.

Hey, Bo!

They catch us
with that detonator

we're up a creek without
a paddle. Come on!

Enos, go the other way.
We got 'em surrounded.

Yes, sir!

That ol' tud just put a
clod in the buttermilk.

Yee-haw!

I swear, Buster and Enos

couldn't mess up
a demolition derby.

Oh, gosh. That was better
than a ride at Disneyland, eh?

You are right.

While Bo and Luke were
busy dumping their detonator

the Ridge Raiders were
fixin' to use their spare.

Cooter!

Thought it was Judgment Day.

- What y'all up to?
- Oh, enough.

- Cooter, you seen Uncle Jesse?
- Not for a couple of days.

Why? Did he run off with
that little ol' dimestore gal?

- Man, I hear she's dynamite.
- I wish it was that simple.

Now, me and Bo
got the bad feeling

that Jesse and a
couple of his old cronies

are getting into a bind.

You know, that's funny.

Ya'll know a Amos Petersdorf?

- The old fire chief, huh?
- Very same.

Amos brought his
big ol' beast in here

to get it tuned up, bored out,
I mean, the whole nine yards.

Him and that car, they were
quite a pair, weren't they?

Yeah. Well, Amos is a tightwad.
I mean, he's famous for it.

He spent more on it than
the whole thing's worth.

Amos gettin' his car tuned
up and the sheriff chasin' us?

Cousin, something's
building up to a head of steam.

Yeah, we better find out
what it is before it blows.

- Yeah.
- Let's get out of here.

- Thanks a lot, Cooter.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.

Take it easy, grizzly.

And so, while Bo and Luke
were hunting for Uncle Jesse

he's no more than a
hop, skip, and a jig away.

Ol' Jesse is determined
to be law abiding.

And stopping Boss from stealin'

from the Senior Citizen Center

and getting bogged down
in bureaucracy for his pains.

I'm still getting
the busy signal

up to treasury department.

- What about the governor?
- They got me on hold.

- Any luck at the White House?
- I ain't made the connection.

Well, I'm much
obliged to you, Mabel.

- Uh, about the dance, Jesse.
- What dance?

Well, you know, the
Catfish Insider Stomp.

Which one you figurin' on
askin' to take me? Bo or Luke?

Oh, well, uh, both of 'em.

But then, they'd probably
start a big argument over you

and we'd have a big
family squabble and..

Well, I don't think I could
take that right now, Mabel.

You, you best ask somebody else.

Well, I swan!

J.D. Hogg's Playpen.
Soon to open.

Cousin Boss,
something just happened

I think you'll be interested in.

Meanwhile, back at the playpen

Old Boss Hogg was
moving right along

with his plans to turn
Hazzard into Pig City.

- Alright, you ready in there?
- 'Almost, Boss.'

Alright, gather around,
my lovelies. Gather around.

I'm gonna show you
now, what you'll be wearin'

if you are selected as
one of my Pretty Piggies.

Move it. Move it, everybody.

That's it, that's
right. Right over here.

And now, may I
present Miss Daisy Duke!

I'm gonna send
that Chicago playboy

right back to Sunday school.

God bless, Daisy.

Hi, Enos.

Buster, look at that.
Ain't her outfit something?

I designed it myself.

Didn't you leave
something off, Mr. Hogg?

Oh.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Your still up on Pine
Ridge just blowed up.

Yeah, my still up on Pine
Ridge was just... blown up!

Did you catch who done it?

No, but Judge Simpson
was passing, and he said

it was the masked men
in red kerchiefs again.

Red kerchiefs. Again?

You boob!

You never told me anything
about red kerchiefs before.

- 'You sure?'
- 'That's what he said.'

He left this little red
pig sticker, Mr. Hogg.

"Don't be a pig, Hogg."

Well, that's another
one of their typical tricks.

Leaving behind
insulting messages.

If this was years
ago, I could've sworn

it was them Ridge Raiders.

Ridge Raiders?

No, no. It must have
been them Dukes.

Wait, Boss, I know they
didn't blow up your still.

I'm sure of it. Enos, tell him!
You know they wouldn't do that.

I don't-I don't, well..

Enos, why aren't
you looking at me?

- There's so much to look at.
- Enos, this is no time for...

Will you two stop standing
there, jabbering like that?

Now, you go out and grab
them Duke boys. You hear me?

I'm gonna throw the book at 'em.

Okay, Boss.

- No, Enos.
- I'm sorry, Daisy.

- Daisy Duke!
- Yes, Boss.

- Hey, Sue Ellen.
- Hey.

Why, your grandpa sure keeps
his fire engine in fine shape.

It ain't the only thing in
fine shape around here.

- Hey!
- Oh, stop it.

Say, Uncle Jesse ain't
been around lately, has he?

No. Has he been
disappearin' too?

Too?

You mean your
grandpa has been, uh..

Something strange is
going on around here.

Okay, hold it right there.

Bo and Luke Duke, I'm
placing you under arrest.

Arrest? What for?

For what? For blowing up Boss
Hogg's still up on Pine Ridge.

That's for what.

Good thing the postman
saw which way they went.

Uh, sheriff, when
did that happen?

Just an hour ago, Bo.

Well, we was
nowheres near the place.

Tell it to the judge.

Judge Jefferson Davis Hogg.

'Put the cuffs on 'em, Enos.'

This time, they
ain't gettin' away.

I'm sorry.. Hey!

You don't see that much anymore.

Hey, ain't this right back
where we started from?

Uncle Jesse. We
gotta talk to you.

Boys, I'm in hurry right
now. I'll catch you later.

Wait a minute, Uncle
Jesse. The law is after us.

They think we've been blowing
up all of Boss Hogg's stuff.

Oh, I didn't figure
on that, well..

Uh, we-we'll figure out
something about that later.

This mornin', we almost
got caught with that detonator

you had stashed in the
barn. Now what's going on?

Now, boys, I know we always
tell each other what's happenin'

'but this time, it's different.'

There's other folks involved,
and I-I've given my word.

Other folks?

Now, a man's obligated
to keep his word.

But don't a man
have an obligation

to tell his family what's wrong?

Now, Uncle Jesse, that's
what you always taught us.

Boys, I'm gonna need
some, some breathing space

for about three
or four days. Now..

I tell you what.

Why don't you go over
and visit with Aunt Lavinia?

You'll be safe there, and
then, then I'll catch up with you.

See you later, Luke. Bo.

- You be careful.
- Oh, yeah.

Heck, he ain't spoke to
Aunt Lavinia in over years.

Alright.

J.D. Hogg is building that
dang fool playpen of his

with the money from our senior
center, and you know it, Jesse.

'Well, yeah, of
course, I know that.'

But that's no reason to take
the law into your own hands.

- Sometimes, you got to.
- Sure, yeah.

'Now, Amos, you know if you
keep blowing off that dynamite'

'somebody's gonna get hurt.'

Don't listen to Jesse,
he's getting old.

Yeah.

Alright, I say we do it like
we did it in the old days.

- Let's put her to a vote.
- Fine with me.

Now, everybody who
wants the raids to go on

till J.D. Hogg
surrenders, vote "aye."

And all those who want
to fight for the senior center

law-abiding and
legal-like, vote "nay."

Aye.

Nay.

The ayes have it. We'll fight.

Uncle Jesse ain't with
'em. He's tryin' to stop 'em.

Alright, Raiders,
let's move 'em out.

We'll hit Hogg where he limps.

Right. Charge!

Here we go. Charge.

Now, hey, wait..

Okay, nobody move.

Aye! It's them! I knew it!

'The Ridge Raiders!
I knew it was them!'

You ol' Ridge Raiders.

And here I thought them arteries
in you boys was so hard by now

none of you could
push a rocking chair.

Alright, sheriff, arrest them.

Well, it looks like Jesse
and the Ridge Raiders

have got themselves
in more trouble

than a weasel
caught in a henhouse.

And now, after years,
I'm finally gonna find out

who the rest of you
masked cutthroats are.

J.D., can't we talk this...

Eh-eh! Talking time is over.

'It's jailin' time now.'

And unveiling time too.

Buster, take off their masks.

Look out below!

After 'em! After 'em!

Enos, Enos, use your g*n.

But they're nice
people, Mr. Hogg.

Ah, they're dynamiting
vandals! After 'em!

And so the boys went
to the state capital

to see their old school
buddy, Coop the Snoop.

That boy liked to never
live that name down.

- Hey, Coop.
- Well, I'll be.. Luke!

Bo. How you doing, good buddies?

- You remember Uncle Jesse?
- I sure do.

Listen, Coop. We've
been seeing your name

on a lotta front
page stuff lately.

There's one story that tore
him up.. Oh, the election scandal.

Yes, yes.

Look, we think we
got you a live one.

I mean, like, front page
stuff. The whole nine yards.

Well, great.

But what is it?

You'll have to come to
Hazzard to get your story, Coop.

But-but listen, it'd mean
a lot to Luke and me.

You mean, that's all
you're gonna tell me?

For now. Look, Coop, trust us.

'We need you, your reputation'

and your camera in
Hazzard at noon, Monday.

If you get your
story, Luke and me

can help a whole lot of people.

Deal?

- You got yourself a deal.
- Alright.

See you at the bus
stop. We'll pick you up.

While Jesse and the boys were
burnin' rubber back to Hazzard

Boss hired hisself
some rent-a-cops

to protect his equipment.

'Detail, ten-hut!'

Well, you men sure look good.

Now, you know your orders.

You bring in Jesse Duke.

'And Bo and Luke Duke too..'

'...if you have to drag
'em in by the heels.'

You heard the man. Hoorah!

How's that?

You got men out there movin' out

and they don't know
where they're movin' out to.

Uh, right. Where they goin'?

Uh, nowhere if
you don't tell 'em.

Mmm... mm!

You're quick.

Never gonna get that right.

You want I should
put a door there too?

I'll just..

Tell you, I got it straight
from the dispatcher.

He's an old possum-hunting
buddy of mine.

A whole truckload of recreation
equipment's coming down

from Capitol City this afternoon

being delivered to Boss Hogg.

That's all the stuff that should
be goin' to the Senior Center.

Well, I vote we grab it.

- Yeah. Grab it.
- 'No, no, no.'

That's-that's, they-they,
they'll be looking for us now.

Yeah. Up, up, up and away.

Now, if Boss knew the
Ridge Raiders were ridin' again

he'd throw a fit.

Meanwhile, he was busy
being an entrepreneur.

'Daisy Terwilliger.'

Sue Anne Pettigrew.

'Judy Jeremiah.'

Oh, my. I feel
like a little child..

Let loose in the candy store.

Everything looks so good.

Uh, Cathy Kenny.

Boss, I got your new secur..

Secur.. ahem..

I got the, ho ho ha..

I got that new security
guard ridin' shotgun

on that truckload of playpen
stuff from Capitol City.

Yeah, beautiful, beautiful.

And so if the Dukes or
the Raiders was to hijack it

then, uh, boom, we got 'em.

Beautiful, beautiful.

Augusta Barnes Huh?
Oh, mind your business.

What are you, a sheriff
or a peeping Tom?

Now get your eyes back in
your head and get yourself

out on the highway
and take charge.

Kate Ludon.

Now scram!

Go!

Boss, I'll go check on the other
girls, see how they're doing.

So you wanna
take this list over?

Alright. Uh, Who's next?

Uh, miss, uh..

You, yeah. Number .

Bo, Luke, it's Daisy, come in.

You're comin' through loud
and clear, Daisy. What's up?

Listen, there's a truck comin'
in on Capitol City highway

loaded with playpen equipment.

The sheriff's laying a
trap. I thought I'd warn y'all.

Thanks for the tip,
baby. Over and out.

Uncle Jesse, you think your old
buddies are gonna try something?

I wouldn't put it
past those old coots.

Well, we best be ready
just in case they do.

They might be hard to locate.

I'll tell you what. We
better split up, uh.

Uh, drop me here
where I stashed my truck.

- Yes, sir.
- Got it.

One of these days, I'm gonna
take these dang doors off.

I'll check out Newtie and Amos.

You check out Henstep.

- Yes, sir.
- 'You got it.'

What a time for a dang flat.

Well, it ain't the first
one. Let's get at it.

I'm takin' over.
Fall in behind me.

No way. Mr. Hogg said not
to let that truck out of our sight.

Look, I'm the sheriff. Now,
I'm giving you a direct order.

Let me pass.

Nothing doing.

We got our orders too.

Uh, easy. Easy.

Here. Get out of the
road. What happened?

My truck. Somebody
stole my truck.

Oh, no.

Alright, hands up and freeze.

Uh, me or him?

You, Jesse.

I don't know about
y'all, but if I'd a had a day

like ol' Jesse's had,
I'd get back in bed.

'Alright, I'm
warning you, Jesse.'

'You better start talking.'

Now, where's all
my equipment at?

Your..

And who else is in your
g*ng of Ridge Raiders? Hmm?

- Fess up.
- Fess up? Me fess up?

You're the one that
ought to be fessin' up.

You know that you're
using that old folk's money

'to build that
playpen of yours.'

Still singing that song, huh?

'Well, that does
it, you ol' varmint.'

'I was trying to show you
some Christian charity'

but now, I've had it.

I'm shippin' you off to the
county jail for immediate trial.

Boss, please. I-I
know Uncle Jesse

didn't mean to make you mad.

'And I know he didn't
steal your truck. I know it'

And as for you, once
a Duke always a Duke.

Turn in your piggy tail.

You're through.

Ooh, I'd like to grab
that marshmallow and...

Uncle Jesse, don't
get yourself upset.

Wait. I'm gonna
see what I can do.

Bo, Luke, come in quick, please?

When Daisy told 'em what had
happened to their Uncle Jesse

Luke and Bo figured they
needed a heap of help.

So they made a few phone
calls to their neighbors.

Grandpa!

Jesse was right, and we
should've listened to him.

We got him into jail, and
we're gonna get him out.

- Yeah. Out!
- Well, it ain't gonna be easy.

You can bet a jug of your
finest shine it'll be dangerous.

So what? We're The
Ridge Raiders, ain't we?

'And we ain't letting
Jesse go to no county jail.'

Say, Newtie.

You think you can get your
old smoke machine going?

- I sure can.
- What's that?

Oh, it's a dingbuster.
I'll show you

but we have to take Amos' car.

Trust us.

Alright, we'll trust
you. I guess that means

we're gonna have to let the
General sit this one out, huh?

That still leaves a getaway.

Amos, you reckon you can
get that old fire engine runnin'?

Better shape than I am.

Alright, then.

If that smoke thingamabob's
what I think it is

we got ourselves a plan.

Now, gather around here.

Alright, now here's Hazzard.

I'm sorry, Uncle Jesse.

Enjoying the ride,
my little pork chop?

All this and Jesse
Duke on the way to jail.

What more can a man ask for?

I'll tell you what. With
everybody bunched together

and The Ridge Raiders
fixing to converge

something big is
about to happen.

What'd I say?

Newtie, this crate really rolls.

Alright now, Newtie.

Alright, hit it.

Come on out of
there, Uncle Jesse.

Bo, this isn't the proper
way to be doing this.

I don't mean no
disrespect, but these guys

are trying to railroad
you into the county jail.

- Are they alright?
- Yeah, they're fine.

Hit it, Luke.

Buster! Enos! We could
nab the whole g*ng.

After 'em! Get 'em!

Bring back the bacon
for Hogg's little piggies.

'Yes, sir, Mr. Hogg.
I'm coming.'

You never should've
done this. It's too risky.

Oh, you ain't seen nothing yet.

We got you into
trouble, we'll get you out.

Well, seems to me I'm in
more trouble now than I was.

You ain't. Not if Coop the Snoop
keeps up his end of the bargain.

That reminds me.
We got exactly..

minutes to meet him
at that bus station, Luke.

No problem. First, it looks like
we're gonna have to lose them.

- Hang on, everybody.
- Let her rip. Hot wheels. Ha!

Dang it! They're catching up.

Uh, listen, Newtie, hit that
machine of yours one more time.

'Uh, I'm afraid we're
all smoked out, fellas.'

Well, let's take
off cross-country.

No, sir. Right here's
where we wanna be.

'Good ol' Amos.'

Okay, let her go!

Good ol' Amos. Ha ha.

It's sure handy to have an
ex-fire chief around, ain't it?

The Ridge Raiders is
quite an organization.

Luke, we've got minutes
left. You better step on it.

How's that newspaperman
gonna help you now?

Now, me and Bo
got it all figured out.

The way it works, you
fellas oughta be able to drive

that h*jacked equipment truck
right up to Boss Hogg's office.

But we'll all be arrested!

Oh, no, we won't, Newtie.
Not if the plan works.

'Sides, it's legal
and law-abiding.

- Well, I don't know...
- Hey, Newt. I trust my boys.

Dang it. So do we.

Then let's get
crackin'. Ha ha. Yahoo.

Buster, you sure
ain't gettin' the hang

of the crook-chasing business.

And you so-called professionals.

Letting two young scallywags

and a passel of decrepit,
old derelicts outsmart you.

- Don't worry. We'll catch 'em.
- Yes, as soon as we find 'em.

You couldn't find your nose

if it wasn't tacked
onto your face.

Now, let's all get back to
my office in town and regroup.

- Now, get going!
- Yes, sir.

I'm gonna put that g*ng of
senile, old thugs away for life.

Although, at their age,
that ain't long enough.

Ain't that slick timing?

Now, General Lee is
really gonna get a run

'cause Jesse and his
pals is just about arrivin'

at the City Hall.

Alright! Now, you
all listen good!

I am taking full charge right
now of this whole operation.

First off, we're gonna
make a farm-to-farm search.

I mean, it just ain't possible

to hide a big
truck like that one.

- 'And then..'
- 'Mr. Hogg!'

We don't have to
search no place.

Well, then, how am I gonna
get my truck back, dim brain?

Some nice, obliging
hijacker gonna drive it

right up to my front door?

Yes, sir, that's-that's
what they've done.

- Huh!
- Look here.

'What?'

That's it! That's the truck!

'Hey! Hey! Hey!'

You're all under
arrest. Do you hear me?

Now, get your hands up high.

If y'all ain't too
decrepit to do so.

Buster, keep 'em covered.

If anybody moves,
sh**t 'em in the toe.

Put your hands down.
You can't prove a thing, J.D.

I've finally caught
you and your g*ng

of over-the-hill hoodlums
red-handed with the goodies.

My goodies!

Alright, go on, go on. Check
and see if everything's there.

- 'Hey, Mr. Newtie.'
- We're wise to you, J.D.

- Yeah, wise to you.
- Yeah, wise to you.

Yeah, wise to you.

Hm. And I was wise too,
but you can't prove nothing.

Mr. Hogg!

Mr. Hogg, this
truck's plum full.

That there's the movie
projection, gym equipment.

- Back there's a hot tub...
- Alright, good, good.

Sheriff Moon, do
your duty. Arrest them.

Here they come. Ha-ha.

He-he, that's the Duke
boys. Alright, grab 'em, Buster.

This gives us the
whole caboodle.

Hello, Boss. Remember
me? Charlie Cooper.

Oh, Cooper's News. Uh,
what are you doing here?

You ain't been listening to
these lying Duke boys, have ya?

Hey, did you take my
picture? What're you doing?

Cooper's doing a story on
people who defraud senior citizens.

'It sure front page
stuff, ain't it, Coop?'

- 'You got it.'
- Yeah?

Tell me, Mr. Hogg, as
political boss of Hazzard

would you have information
on any such frauds in this area?

You know, like misappropriating
funds for senior citizens

and converting them to personal
use, or little things like that.

Sir, I want to state here now

that there's absolutely no
deceitfulness or crookedness

'here in Hazzard County.'

That, there's what
I told you, Coop!

As a matter of fact, I
hear the Boss is planning

'to donate a whole mess
of recreation equipment'

'to the local senior citizen's
center he's planning to build.'

Oh, Boss, you're not gonna let
them Duke boys blackmail you...

Say, Boss, this couldn't
be a whole truck-load of stuff

for the senior citizen
center, could it?

By golly, Bo, I
think we lucked out.

I think we happened right on to
Boss' presentation of the items

to this group of outstanding
senior citizens here.

- Yeah, but I..
- Ain't that right, Boss?

Yeah. As a matter of fact,
that's just I was going to do.

sh**t! There goes
the Pretty Piggies.

You see, Boss,
there's just one thing

that's puzzling Mr. Cooper here.

It is? Oh, I mean, it is.

Why don't you tell him
what's been puzzling me?

What's been
puzzling Mr. Cooper is

why your sheriff and his
men have their g*ns drawn?

- Right, Coop?
- Right. Right.

Oh, yeah. Well..

Uh, ah, uh..

I'll bet, it's to honor
these fine senior citizens

with a -g*n salute, ain't it?

Sure enough.

That's exactly what
they was just about to do.

Yeah.

When Boss Hogg does
something for Hazzard County..

He does it big.

You know, I was getting worried
you weren't gonna get here.

Close call there.

Make sure you got
my name spelled right.

Hogg, with two G's now.

- Moon with two O's.
- Alright.

And if you want to take another
picture, here, check this out.

And so, that's how Bo and
Luke got the town of Hazzard

a senior citizen center
in a law-abiding manner.

Well, it was close,
for the Dukes.

The ground-breaking ceremonies
almost broke Boss Hogg's heart.

With his playpen ploughed under

a lot of the Pretty
Piggies became volunteers

for the old folks.

All of which proves,
you're never too old

and you're never too young

when it comes to having
fun in Hazzard County.