02x19 - Jude Emery

[bunniefuu]

Yee-haw!

Welcome again to Hazzard County.

Hazzard is a
pleasant little spot

where several southern
states come together.

That's all I'm
allowed to tell you

'cause everybody
would wanna go there.

But its location is how come
a very unusual character

showed up, named Jude Emery.

Uh, that ain't Jude.
That's, uh, Deputy Enos.

And, of course, neither
one of them's Jude.

They're the Duke boys.

And that ain't Jude.
That's Sheriff Grady Byrd.

But, hang on, ol' Jude
will be along briefly.

You got it. That's Jude.

'You better step on it, Bo.
Them sirens creepin' up on us.'

'Listen, if we can get this'

under a minute and a half,
we'll make a new record.

Here you go, take this.

Alright.

- Howdy.
- Howdy.

You lose a horse
or find a saddle?

Neither. My pickup
truck broke down.

I didn't wanna leave
the saddle in the back..

- You want a lift?
- Yeah, I'd be much obliged.

- Give me that.
- Uh, hey.

Let's go.

- In the window.
- Alright.

Sounds just like Merle
Haggard, don't he?

Alright, hit it, cuz.

- Thank you for the lift.
- Don't mention it.

Looks like you had to
stop in mid-chase to do it.

Yeah, just bein' chased
by the county sheriff

ain't no reason not
to be neighborly.

You wanna tell me what you
did, so I can start worryin'?

- Nope.
- Uh-huh.

Hey, hey, there's
Roslyn Road up ahead.

Let's confuse 'em.

Well, at least, we
cut 'em down to half.

You-you can let me out
anywhere along in here.

It'd be fine.

Stranger, this might
ruin your whole day.

You ain't the only people
who know this county.

I used to do my
courtin' right here.

- Here?
- Yeah, get everybody out.

- Hey, Luke.
- Hey, Enos.

'Hands on top of
the car. You too, boy.'

- 'What-what's your name?'
- Jude Emery.

- Sheriff, he's got a bulge.
- A bulge?

Okay, put them hands up.

- I-I'm just a...
- Now, you hush.

- Spread 'em.
- You-you're in trouble.

- I just...
- Hush.

Now, you in trouble with
me and Hazzard County.

- That's what you are.
- I told you he had a bulge.

Ah-ha! Now, you got
a permit for that, boy?

- As a matter of fact...
- Hush!

As for you, Duke
boys, consortin' with this

scroungy-lookin' dude...

- Yeah, just ho...
- With a g*n and a guitar.

Well, everybody
is goin' to jail.

Jude, welcome to Hazzard County.

And this here weirdo vagrant
was packin' a . special.

- But I got a...
- Ah, hush up. And a guitar.

- Is that a crime?
- Depends on how you play it.

And that ain't all.

Luke Duke was armed
with a Barlow pocket knife.

Grady, that there knife
couldn't cut cold grits.

Well, that don't matter.
That is still a lethal w*apon.

Ha ha. I got 'em,
Boss. Oh, I got 'em.

Sheriff, he's got
another bulge here.

Excuse me.

Oh, well, I betcha this ain't
filled with no rabbit tobacco.

'I bet you it's filled
with a... badge.'

A badge?

See, I told you he
had another bulge.

"Sergeant Jude Emery.

Texas Ranger."

Congratulations, sheriff.
You just arrested the fuzz.

Grady..

Enos!

Why-why didn't you tell
me about that bulge first?

Oh, a Texas Ranger.

Uh, wh-why didn't
you say somethin'?

I tried to, hoss. But
you kept yellin' "hush".

What are you doin' comin'
through these parts, Mr. Ranger?

Just call me Jude.

I'll show ya.

'Sure beats packin'
a suitcase, don't it?'

There you are.

"Wanted Russel "Snake" Harmon

for hijacking and
running contraband."

Yep, I've tracked him
from Texas to Hazzard.

Russel "Snake" Harmon.
W-well, who's that?

- Never heard of him.
- He's here alright.

See, back in Texas

ol' Snake had a group
called the Road g*ng.

A bunch of leadfoots
who would drive anything

anywhere for the right price.

Oh, that Snake Harmon.

Yeah, we busted the g*ng,
but ol' Snake slipped away.

- And you think he came here?
- Yeah, I'm sure of it.

The word is that
Snake has come south

so he could recruit
a new road g*ng

using moonshine runners
and outlaw race drivers.

Well, we ain't heard nothin'.

- Oh.
- Nice try though.

He picked Hazzard 'cause
it was centrally located.

We even know
where he's holed up.

While those extradition
papers are bein' processed

I'm gonna go pick him up.

- Well, where is he?
- 'Place called Uchee Swamp.'

Well, Mr. Emery, sayin' a
place called Uchee swamp

is like sayin' somewhere
in the Amazon jungle.

- That big?
- That bad.

There are a lotta dirt roads
there that don't lead nowheres.

Stranger goin' in there
tryin' to find anything

he's bound to get lost.

Especially with
all that quicksand.

The Duke family used to roll
lotta moonshine through there.

Seems to me we never got
caught in the Uchee Swamp.

Sounds like you boys
know the layout pretty good.

Yes, sir, we do.

How'd you like to be my guides
while I try to find ol' Snake?

That's if I can talk the
sheriff here into lettin' you go.

Let 'em go?

So I don't press charges
against him for false arrest.

Let 'em go!

Mr. Emery, uh, Jude

you got yourself
a couple of guides.

Partner.

Mr. Ranger, I guess you'll be
needin' some help on this case.

I've always admired to be
a Texas Ranger, Mr. Jude

'but we ain't got
any here in Hazzard.'

Of course, we ain't got
any here in Hazzard, Enos.

This ain't Texas.

Uh, now, boys, you realize it's
kinda hard to become a ranger.

I mean, there ain't
but rangers in all...

- For all of Texas?
- In all of the states.

See, we go anywhere,
we got a warrant.

I-I-I'd sure like to
apologize for arresting you.

- But when I found that g*n...
- Oh, forget it.

This ol' g*n don't work anyway.

I only carry it 'cause
the rules say I have to.

See, the way I figure
it... is if the g*n don't work

I have to come up with somethin'
where people don't get hurt.

Especially me.
Keeps me on my toes.

You know, Mr. Emery

you ain't exactly how I
picture a Texas Ranger.

'Yeah, a lotta folks say that.'

But just 'cause I cut
it a little differently

don't mean I can't cut it.

'If you'll get started on
those extradition papers'

me and the boys here
are gonna go Snake huntin'.

Oh, uh, sheriff..

Better make some extra
room in that jail of yours.

There's about half a
dozen of 'em in the g*ng.

'Well, how are you gonna
get the whole g*ng?'

One g*ng, one ranger.

Y'all take care.

He's somethin' else, ain't he?

'Yeah, that's him. Jude
Emery. Just like I figured.'

He sure don't look
like much, Snake.

Yeah, but he
sticks like molasses.

That boy's been
doggin' me for two years.

Every time I settle somewhere,
I put a watch on the courthouse

'cause I know he's gotta
get them extradition papers.

- Who's that with him?
- The Duke boys.

I've raced against them on dirt.

- Strictly amateur hot dogs.
- Right.

Sounds like they beat you.

They're local Hazzard boys?

Yeah. Ex-moonshine drivers.

What you reckon
Jude's doing with them?

He's probably using them to
scout the area, looking for me.

Ol' Jude is strange,
but he ain't dumb.

What you say we recruit
them Hazzard boys?

Snake, them boys
ain't nothin' but trouble.

We're looking for hot drivers.

What if they're
working with Jude?

It'd be the perfect way
to keep track of him.

We let them think
they joined the g*ng

and if things get tough, we
hold them as the insurance

againstJude playing policeman.

Now he's here, I feel a lot
safer in the swamp. Let's go.

Wait a minute.

I know he usually works alone

but he might pull the
local sheriff in on this one.

- What's he like?
- Don't worry.

Wait till you meet that guy.

Grady, if a man
don't grow, he dies.

Oh, now, Boss, them's
another one of your hard sayings.

Yes, sir. Grow or die, Grady.

Well, I got growin'
pains, I can tell you.

On account I got dreams.

Dreams of gettin' bigger..

Growin' richer..

Givin' more orders.

And... by controllin'
Snake's Road g*ng

and runnin' that contraband,
that could be a giant step.

Oh, it's the American
dream, Boss.

Yeah, that's it. American dream.

Oh, but, uh, Boss, uh..

That Snake's as good as got.

I mean, I-I'm gonna go into
that Uchee Swamp myself

and track him down for you.

Grady, you couldn't catch
a catfish in a coffee cup.

The only way you're
gonna catch Snake

is by followin' them Duke boys
and that guitar-pickin' ranger

and grab Snake before he does.

- Get me?
- Got ya.

Oh, that'll burn
'em up, Boss, yeah.

You know, in all my
years of runnin' shine

I never was..

Chased by a Texas Ranger.

And had I ever been
caught, I'd have been proud.

Here, have a hot one. If
it'd been a Texas Ranger.

Me, too.

Say, Jude, how do you figure
ol' Snake knows his way around

the Uchee Swamp anyhow?

With all the recruitin'
he's been doin' locally

probably somebody in
the g*ng knows about it.

Well, now, when
you come across him

ain't that g*ng of his gonna
give you a lotta trouble?

Once I get the drop on Snake,
they'll probably stay cool.

They haven't done anything.
Snake's the one I'm after.

That sounds like a
simple enough plan.

Yeah, it's about the only
kind I ever come up with.

I'm just kinda edgy
including you boys.

You ain't never caught
him by yourself in two years

and now, you got-got
Luke and me to help.

Yeah, and if you, me and
Bo can't handle it, we got help.

Who? The sheriff?

The sheriff?

No. Us Dukes.

The family.

Well, I do appreciate that.

And I'm gonna need your help.

- But not Daisy.
- Why not?

Well, Snake Harmon
ain't exactly John Dillinger.

But he is dangerous.

Now, back in Texas we
might work a woman to death

'but we don't expose
'em to danger.'

I see. Why do you
call him Snake?

Oh, come on, son.

What's the matter?

Huh?

Well, I know what the matter is.

I asked you not to feed Elmer.

And you fed him.

I said you can feed Cleo. I
asked you not to feed Elmer.

I'm sorry, Snake, but
sometimes I can't tell 'em apart.

Elmer's the boy.

It ain't that easy, Snake.

If you ain't the dumbest!

I wanted him hungry.

'Gets lazy when he eats.'

Hey, Elmer.

That's my boy.

Come on.

I got a job for you to do.

Well, now we know
why they call him Snake.

Friends, this is
gonna be a zinger.

Cowboy.

I don't see how in the heck
you made it all the way here

from Texas in that thing.

I had the wind behind me.

She got a lotta miles
on her, ain't she?

Oh, yeah. She's old
Korean w*r surplus.

But she has got more character
than any horse I ever rode.

Say, Jude, if you
got this here truck

then why do you carry
that saddle around with you?

If you were drivin' in this,
wouldn't you want backup?

I reckon we could use a backup
system to help find ol' Snake.

We could drive around
lookin' for him in that swamp

till you're ready to retire.

But me and Bo think it'd
be better to let Snake find us.

Now, why would he wanna do that?

He said he's lookin'
for moonshine runners

and race car drivers, didn't he?

'Now, how would he
react if word got out'

the Dukes boys is
comin' out of retirement.

I don't know how he'd react,
but y'all, Uncle Jesse will

skin you alive if you get
the Fedses on your tail again.

Well, lookie here, Patch.

If it ain't the chicken Dukes.
You heard of them, ain't ya?

- No.
- 'No?'

They got scared
out of drivin' whiskey.

'Now they mostly
hang around racetracks'

hopin' to be mistook
for real drivers.

Well, Willie. Say, when'd
you get out of jail, son?

He had to go to jail, Bo.

It's the only way he'd
get to see his mama.

Ha ha. How come y'all
ain't home choppin' cotton?

Last time you
drove on a racetrack

you nearly got a
ticket for illegal parking.

Oh, n-now, Willie,
now wasn't that the time

you got in front of me, and
I had to kinda push you off

and you went into the pits?

I'd like to see you
try that with him.

'Meet Patch Lauren.'

'He's been barred from
every track in the country.'

Hey, I heard of you.

I didn't know they piled
dirty drivin' that high.

You ain't heard
nothin' like it is.

I'm looking for some
drivin' talent for an ol' boy

who's tryin' to put
somethin' together.

You two ain't much,
but... you interested?

- Okay, what you got, Willie?
- 'I got nothin'.'

Unless you can really cut it.

'Ya'll wanna talk
about it some more'

'meet me at the
old coffin factory'

early tomorrow mornin'.

Take you that long to find it.

Catch you in church.

Bye.

Can you believe it?

We're sittin' here
talkin' about it

and it slides
right into our laps.

With that kinda luck, you
boys oughta be gamblers.

- Or lawmen.
- Heck, nah.

We're just lucky
enough just being Dukes.

You got that right.

They went for it.

- Hey, Cooter.
- Gracias.

- Here you are, cousin.
- Thank you.

Aah! Hey, ya'll, the
Duke of Hazzard's here.

- Here you go.
- Thank you, cousin.

- Emery.
- Oh, thank you, honey.

Boys, I don't see why I
have to ride in a car anyway?

If we was back in
Texas, I'd follow...

Now, look, you ain't back
in Texas, you're in Hazzard.

Now, you get yourself
lost in that Uchee Swamp

you ain't gonna be able to
find your butt with both hands.

See, what Luke and
me figure we'll do

is we'll start a fight.

'We're real good
at startin' fights.'

You got that right.

Anyways, we oughta be
able to get their attention

so you can slip out of
the car, and nab ol' Snake.

You don't wanna get caught
in the back of this thing.

Okay, you boys get me
to Snake anyway you can.

Hey, Cooter.

- Make room for my guitar.
- Guitar.

Guitar.

Climb on back in here, and
I'll cut out some more space.

Guitar.

Uh-huh. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, now, them
Dukes is up to no good

just as sure as a
hog loves turnips.

Huh?

But don't worry, Boss.

I'm bringin' Snake in.

Just as soon as I get me a car.

Where's your sheriff's car?

Well, Cooter's fixin' it.

Well, then use your
personal car, stonehead.

Well, I..

Huh? What's that?

'I ain't got one.'

Well, how do you get to work?

Well, I-I thumb. I
hitchhike every place.

Grady, you can't follow
them Duke boys hitchhiking.

Oh, you're right. Now,
they might spot me.

Of course, it would be real
slick if they gave me a ride.

- You'd still lose 'em.
- I could borrow your car.

Oh, sure. White hood,
horns and all, huh?

Well, I'll use my mama's car.

Your mama's car?

'Course if I get
one little dent in it

'oh, she'll be chewing my
tail till Gabriel's trumpet.'

Grady, you've got no
idea what a comfort it is

just knowing you're
sheriff around here.

Now, that night, while
the boys and Cooter

was working on puttin'
their plan together

Daisy and Jude...
Uh, well, you'll see.

You sure sing pretty
for a cowboy, Jude.

Guitar sounds a whole lot
better without the socks in it.

- You want some more peach pie.
- Mm-hmm. No thanks.

Oh!

You know, lady, your
cookin' is downright scary.

Is that good or bad?

When a beautiful woman
can also cook, that's good.

And that's bad.

I still wanna go
with you tomorrow.

No.

I don't wanna be distracted
worryin' about you.

Worried about me?

Worried about me?

I can probably outdrive
and outshoot you.

That's probably true.

I'm a bad driver,
my g*n don't work

and you still ain't goin'.

Anybody who'd bet on that

would bet against
the next sunrise.

Night.

And a little after sunrise,
things were really hummin'

down at the Hazzard garage.

- All set back there, Jude?
- Let her rip.

If y'all figured Daisy's
gussied up just for Jude..

You're wrong.

'Cooter, it works.'

'Course it works. Works
better than I thought it would.

Don't think we're gonna have
any trouble followin' them at all.

- I've got somethin' for you.
- Well, let's go, honey.

Never bet against Daisy
when she makes her mind up.

Ol' Jude didn't know that
Daisy was in on the party.

I promise you I'm gonna
take good care of it.

- You just do me one favor.
- Yeah?

You keep this thing
between the ditches.

You got it, honey.

Whoo!

Mother dog!

Oh, what a tangled web we weave

when first we
practice to deceive.

Man, that's obtuse.

Yeah, I figured ol'
Grady was about due.

And ain't mama's car somethin'?

Now, I want ya'll to
watch some slick shucking.

Now you see Luke..

And now, you don't.

Luke, I told you Willie would
be lookin' the wrong way again.

No wonder he can't handle
it when a car's on his tail.

Ain't them boys slick?

I'd invite you to have a beer..

But it would lower
my social standin'.

You'd have to go all
the way to hell to do that.

Well, I ain't proud.
I'll drink with anybody.

Say, where's your boss?

You won't meet him
unless you pass the test.

- Where's Patch?
- He's the test.

Patch is somewhere on
South waitin' for you.

I sure wouldn't
keep him waitin' long.

It might make him
ornerier than he is.

Thanks, anyway. Catch you later.

That depends on Patch.

Now, the boys and Jude
didn't anymore than get out

of Willie's sight, when they
were immediately followed by..

Willie, who wanted to watch
the Dukes against Patch.

And all of 'em
were followed by..

The intrepid Grady
in his mama's car

who was followed by... Daisy.

Ya'll followin' this?

Daisy didn't know that the car

that she was
followin' was Grady's.

She thought he
was one of the g*ng.

And I'll just be
dogged if another car

didn't start tailin'
Bo and Luke.

Guess who.

Yeah, that's the man.

sh**t, so far, I don't
see nothin' of Patch's test.

Seems like a little
kiddie game to me.

You alright back there, Jude?

- What's goin' on?
- Oh, it ain't nothin'.

Just Patch playin'-playin'
a little bumper tag is all.

Great.

Ol' Grady was havin' so
much fun watching the game

that he didn't even notice
Daisy was on his tail.

Since Daisy didn't know
it was Grady in front of her

she thought the odds
were three to one

against Bo and Luke.

You reckon the General's
back bumper's gonna stay on?

I don't know.

Sounds like we picked
up a new ra... rattle.

Now, Bo, don't move.
Just listen to me.

Look down by the brake pedal.

Now, don't move.

I won't move, but I'm fixin'
to make a new door here.

There's the test.

He keeps bumpin'
and jarrin' us like that

it's bound to rile that
snake, and he's gonna strike.

Now, how'd you
like to be in a car

with a rattlesnake and
all the doors welded shut?

Well, what're we gonna do?

What's goin' on?

We've got a rattlesnake
up here in the front.

Don't let it back
here, there ain't room.

Luke, you-you-you're
thinkin', ain't you?

Oh, yeah.

They like mice.

- Do you have one on you?
- Uh..

There ain't room
for a mouse either.

Well, think faster.

- I got it.
- Just don't move.

- Be careful.
- Don't move, cousin.

J-just keep her steady now.
Don't let Patch hit us no more.

- I won't.
- Okay.

Stay real steady, cousin, I
don't wanna lose you now.

- Easy.
- I got it.

Oh!

Cover his head, Luke.

Alright, hit the brake.

Everything's okay, Jude.

No, it ain't, 'cause
down the road

Daisy had decided
to even the odds

by takin' out one of the enemy.

Not knowing it
was poor ol' Grady

who wasn't about to
hurt his mama's car.

Ol' Willie didn't
know who they were

but they sure
wasn't on his side.

Grady Byrd, I didn't
know it was you.

Oh, now, look at the scratch
you put on my mama's car.

Oh, Daisy, don't you recognize
a-a disguise when you see one?

I'm sorry, Grady Byrd.

Hey, Patch, how did we do?

Sonny boy, I'll
stomp you into mush!

Patch! Patch!

Patch, where's Elmer?

- Who?
- Elmer, the rattlesnake.

- He threw him at me.
- You lost Elmer?

You let him lose Elmer?

Oh, I never cared
much for Elmer.

He's always slithering
around, he ain't got much to say.

Got them beady little eyes,
ain't even a pretty color.

Snake Harmon's gonna k*ll us.

Let's get outta here. Couple
of cars were followin' us.

- Who was it?
- Beats me.

Jude Emery must've
been drivin' one of 'em

'cause they run each
other off the road.

- Let's go.
- You mean we passed?

Oh, yeah. You passed alright.

- Alright!
- Hot dog!

Grady Byrd..

If you don't get Snake Harmon
before that ranger does..

I'm gonna have your ugly
hide nailed to my den wall

and your miserable
bones ground into fertilizer

for my tomatoes.

That ain't nothin' compared
to what my mama's gonna do

when she finds that
scratch on the car.

All because I was so
certain that between you

and that ranger, I'd control
Snake Harmon's g*ng

I went and contacted
the syndicate.

And now..

I've got a contract to move
contraband, and no Snake Harmon.

And you, you couldn't catch him

if you was both wearin'
the same pair of pants.

I remember once I got
one little bitty dent on her car

she wouldn't let me out
of the house for a week.

- Grady!
- Aah-ah-ah!

My head is on the
line to that syndicate.

Excuse me, sheriff.

These here fugitives
posters just came in.

Oh, Enos, go paper the
men's room with them.

Can't you see Boss is
busy chewin' me out?

Grady Byrd, the chances of
you finding that Snake Harmon

by yourself rank right up there

with Daisy Duke being
made the next Pope.

That's funny, Mr. Hogg,
'cause Daisy's a Methodist.

Sheriff, the light bulb is
burned out in the men's room.

It's gonna be awful hard
to read the posters in there.

Oh, Enos, I'll hang
'em up myself. I just..

- Oh, my goodness!
- What's the matter?

"Wanted Russel Snake Harmon."

'He's the one
that ranger's after.'

AndCoy Randolph andPatch Lauren.

"For armed robbery,
felonious as*ault

"suspected homicide.

"Believed to be part of
the Snake Harmon g*ng."

Enos, you know what this means?

Yes, it means 'em
boys are flat in trouble.

Oh, Enos, it means that
Jude, and Luke, and Bo

are not dealin' with a bunch
of good ol' ridge runners.

I mean, these are
real dangerous felons.

Grady Byrd, you've
got about as much gall

as a tub full of pig spleens.

Finish tightening that up.
Get out of the way, Burgette!

You sell your soul to
swill at Boss Hogg's table...

Swallow your stubbornness
and you listen to me.

You think Bo and Luke
have gone off to help

capture some Texas leadfoot?

Look. "Patch Lauren,"
"Coy Randolph."

"Wanted for armed robbery
and suspected homicide.

Believed to be part of
the Snake Harmon g*ng."

Now, these just ain't good
ol' boys out to have some fun.

Bo, and Luke, and Jude

well, they don't know
what they're gettin' into.

They look like a lot of fun.

Don't they though?

How many are there?

I don't know, I
can't count that high.

We gotta come up with
somethin' to throw 'em off-guard.

'We could start a fight.'

'Right, they'd
never expect that.'

I'm Snake Harmon.

- Hey.
- Howdy.

You must be the
Hazzard hot dogs.

Oh, you-you heard of us, huh?

Hmm.

Get out, plough-boy.

- I'm too young to die.
- Yes, sir.

I hear you boys had a
little trouble with Patch here.

Patch?

No, Patch weren't
no trouble at all.

If you're gonna test us, find
somebody who can cut it.

'Listen, Snake. We'd like to
stay and fight with your boys

but from the looks of 'em, I
don't think they can handle us.

Leastwise, not this
overgrown has-been cretin.

Russel Snake Harmon..

I arrest you in violation of
the Texas criminal code...

Hey, Jude.

I figured you were
around here somewhere.

They don't fight, huh.

'Get off of me!'

I said, I arrest
you in violation of...

Listen, are those your boys?

- Yeah.
- That one's a little slow.

Needs to work on
his left hook, don't he?

Yeah, he sure do.

I better break this up.

Alright, boys.
Alright, break it up.

Hey, Bo, Bo.

Bo! Bo! Bo!

Bo, Bo, break it up.

'Here, stop it! Stop!'

'Alright, break it up, boys.'

'Hey, stop it, right there.'

Bo, right there.
Stay right there.

Bo! Bo! Alright
now, break it up.

I said, break it up!

- Get over there, Luke.
- 'We had 'em.'

Yeah, you, you done real good.

Alright, now, you
boys just stay cool.

Ya'll boys ain't broken no laws.

'Snake here's
the one I'm after.'

'Ya'll stay cool, and
stay outta trouble.'

Oh, come on now, Jude.

You ain't really gonna
arrest me, are ya?

I didn't track you all
the way from Texas

for your dazzling conversation.

You ain't arrestin'
nobody, cowboy.

Drop it.

Okay, hoss.

But you're makin' a big mistake.

'No, it's your mistake, Jude.'

Why, that there's Coy Randolph.

'You remember? You
sent him to prison.'

Is that you, Coy?

Hey, Jude.

I didn't recognize you
under all them whiskers.

I swore when you sent
me up, I wasn't gonna shave

'till I got ya.'

Looks like I'm fixin' to shave.

Don't shave 'em off for me, Coy.

It gives you character.
Covers up all that ugly.

Oh, shucks, Jude.

We've been onto you
since you hit Hazzard.

Boys.

Tie up Jude so he
can stay out of trouble.

- This one's mine.
- Wait a minute, Patch.

- I want nobody in the way.
- Wait, wait, wait, Patch.

Patch, I got a better idea.

You think you can take
this boy in arm wrestling?

- Texas Style?
- What's that?

You ain't gonna like it, hoss.

'Time up.'

In case you think those
are just little ol' cactus spines

plough boy..

'...let me educate you.'

'Those are called
blood brothers.'

'The red you see dripping..'

'...that's pure poison.'

'Once they make a
puncture, they just never heal.'

Goin' through life
with an armful of those

it'd just be a livin' hell.

Give them some air.

- Ya'll ready?
- Yup.

Ya'll set? Go.

Come on, Luke. Come on.

Turn it on, Patch.

Luke. Uh..

Bo.

Luke!

Don't go to the bar now, Pa.

There ain't no tellin'
how this will come out.

What's goin' on?

Just be ready for a little
Duke shuckin' and jivin'.

I hear, ya'll are
lookin' for hot drivers.

Well, you can stop lookin'.

You wanna let me
know what's happenin'?

Just stay loose, Jude.

Well, thanks. That
clears it right up.

I'll tell you one thing
right now, Snake.

I ain't drivin' with no woman.

'Well, you ain't
tellin' nobody nothin'.'

I'm runnin' this rig.

We don't know nothin' about her.

- What if she's with Jude?
- So what if she is?

'I got plenty more snakes.'

Test her.

Make her drive against Patch.

sh**t, that ain't no test!
Have her arm wrestle him.

'Knock that off!'

- Cut him loose.
- Yes, sir.

Thanks, cousin.

Plough-boy..

You've been
doin' all the talkin'

while your buddy
here does all the drivin'.

Now, it's us. Ain't nobody
drivin' against nobody

'til me and him settle this.

Yeah? What you
got in mind, Patch?

Head-on chicken. Down
on the bridge, no turns.

Chicken?

Snake, you shoulda
never kidnapped

that big overgrown kid
out of the sixth grade.

Too tough for ya?

Too tough? It's too stupid.

Look, now, if you got
any drivin' skill at all

we're gonna match jumpin'
cars across that creek belly.

- At night?
- Well, at first light then.

Crack of dawn.

I finally got it figured
out. Y'all are all crazy.

'Well, how about it, Patch?'

- You can even use Annie's car.
- My car?

My car.

Okay, plough-boy. You're on.

Hey. Hey, Luke, I got an idea.

Since this is between you both

why don't we make
it a little interesting?

You mean a side
bet or somethin'?

I know. Like we let you two go

if Luke makes it
and Patch don't.

'Not exactly.'

You see, what I had
in mind was for fun

that you and me
ride shotgun with 'em.

'What's the matter, Snake?
Don't you trust Patch?'

'Well, I trust Luke.'

Uh, well..

- It's a deal then, right?
- Yeah.

So first light, engines were
cranked for the big jump.

Come on, Patch, show
that plough-boy. Come on!

Easy, son.

One move, and I'm gonna
string you up like a hawk.

Now, y'all pay a
real close attention

'cause we're about
to play musical chairs.

Now, sonny, when
I say jump, you git.

Otherwise you're gonna be
known all over Hazzard County

as the fella who lost
his head in the race.

Now!

Follow me!

Well, I'll just be dogged
if Jesse and Cooter

wasn't hidden in
Daisy's car the same way

they hid ol' Jude
in General Lee.

Now, I didn't figure on that.

Hey! Get 'em!

Darlin', if you're always
this full of surprises

your social life must
be somethin' else.

How'd you do that?

Honey, I've been free
for about minutes.

I just wasn't about to
miss what y'all had cookin'.

Some cowboy, Jude!

- Here goes.
- Go for it.

Uh-huh, looks like
ol' Grady and the law

were in on the Duke's plan, too.

Now, that's a switch.

Everybody out of
the car! Everybody!

Up, hands on the car.

Well, here we go.

One Snake all tied
up for Ranger Emery.

Okay, Jesse, I'll take
charge of the prisoner, now.

Hey, hold on a second.

Ol' Snake here
is Jude's prisoner.

Uh-uh-uh, oh-oh-oh. I
got other plans for Snake.

On account that he
ain't been extradited yet

from my county, namely Hazzard.

Somethin' around here stinks.

Uh, boys!

After them!

'Boss, get in, come on,
now. Go, go, get on in.'

Come on, y'all, get
in. We ain't done, yet.

'Jude, get me outta here.
These folks are crazy.'

Wait till you kiss one up.

- Here comes Grady.
- Yeah.

You reckon the hardware bolted
on here's gonna get us across?

Yeah, there ain't but
one way to find out.

'Come on! There they
are. Come on, get 'em.'

Stop. Drop it right there.

Enos, uh, cuff 'em a-and don't
forget to read 'em their rights.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Grady! Come on, get in here.

We're gotta go get Snake
Harmon! We're gonna lose him!

- Now, come on, and...
- I'm comin', I'm comin'!

Leave them small fry behind.
Come on, we gotta get 'em.

Come on, let's go.

We got some real nice pictures
of you boys in our restroom.

Wanna go take some more?

'It's up to you, Luke.
Now, give it all you got.'

Whoa!

There ain't another
road out there.

We got 'em now.

Yeah, now, if they're lost.

Right.

Don't agree with me!

Oh, alright. Oh,
here. Here, Boss.

- Oh, here, take my hand.
- No, I don't want your hand.

Here let me.. Oh.
Here here. Boss..

- Woo-hoo!
- Come here, get out.

Snake, Snake Harmon! Snake
Harmon, you-you're under arrest.

Hold on there, hoss.
That's my prisoner.

- Not it my county, it ain't.
- 'That's right, Mr. Ranger.'

Grady is a duly constituted
law here in Hazzard County.

- What little there is of it.
- Now you'd be right, Boss.

- If this was Hazzard County.
- Then, what is it?

Well, no matter how
dry Hazzard creek is

it's still the county line.

- What?
- Yee-haw!

Yee-ha-ha-haw! Whee! Whee!

- 'I'm comin', I'm comin'.'
- This is Placid County.

- Well, I-I ain't sheriff here.
- You..

You ain't hardly sheriff
anywhere, Grady.

- Oh...
- Excuse me, sheriff.

- Well, Snake.
- Hey, Jude.

- Looks like you're all mine.
- Damn!

I made it, sheriff.
Oh, excuse me.

And that's the legend
of how the Dukes helped

capture the notorious
Snake Harmon.

And Boss had some
tall explainin' to do

about contraband deliveries.

Grady and Enos
got two wanted men.

And Daisy..

Do me a favor, and don't
promise to come back.

You, uh, you don't
want me to come back?

Come back. Just don't
make me any promises.

- Woo-hoo!
- Yee-haw!

Honey... I better get movin'.

I'm gonna forget
all about Texas.

And Daisy got a little hooked
on a stranger passing through.

A stranger named Jude Emery.