05x02 - Kids Are From Earth, Parents Are From Pluto/Nerves of Steal

[bunniefuu]

# Every day when you're walking down the street, everybody that you meet

# Has an original point of view

# And I say, hey! What a wonderful kind of day

# If you could learn to work and play And get along with each other

# Listen to your heart, to the beat Listen to the rhythm of the street

# Open up your eyes, open your ears Make things better, working together

# It's a simple message and it comes from the heart

# Believe in yourself For that's the place to start

# And I say, hey! What a wonderful kind of day!

# You can learn to work and play And get along with each other

# What a wonderful kind of day! What a wonderful kind of day! #

Hey, DW!

- Hey!
- Whoa!

This is a parent. This is a kid.

As you can see, the parent looks like a larger version of the kid,

but beware - it's an entirely different creature.

The parent is very concerned with warmth.

You're not warm enough. You need a scarf.

You need a hat.

Parka, scarf, balaclava, ear muffs, mittens.

Ah! That's not good!

And then there are words which drive them bonkers. Like this one - sale.

Oh, my gosh! There's a sale at Kitchen Crafts!

- % off! In your size! We'll take them!
- Oh, no!

Two for one! What a bargain!

We'll take 'em!

There are other strange things about parents,

but nothing is as weird as how they act when they are all together.

Roll the tape, DW.

Oh, no!

Yep. It's that time of year again.

- If there was only some way I could get my parents not to go.
- To what?

The Parents' Open House Night.

Once a year, you and your parents go to school together at night.

I was so embarrassed last year.

My dad fell asleep during class.

And on our trip to the forest, we saw...

pine trees, oak trees,

oak trees,

another oak tree... SNORING

- Dad, wake up!
- ! Is that right?!

ALL GIGGLE

- Dad, I'M the one in school!
- Sorry, Frankie, bad dream.

'What if he falls asleep this year? Mr Ratburn will make him stay!'

When you're finished with that, the erasers need cleaning.

Yes, Mr Ratburn.

You think YOU were embarrassed?

Remember when my dad told that joke at the ice cream social afterwards?

And then the waiter said, "Look at that S-car-go!"

HE LAUGHS

- Ohh!
- You see, "S-car-go" sounds like "escargot".

- The French name for snails?
- I know what escargot is.

I just don't get the joke.

- Oh. Well...
- Let's get some more ice cream, Dad.

- Well, none of you have it as bad as me.
- Why, what do your parents do?

I can't talk about it! It's too horrible!

How about you? Are you worried your parents will embarrass you?

No. Why would they?

Well... because they're so...different.

- Yeah, in fact...
- HE LAUGHS

..when you first came here, Buster thought your family were aliens.

'She's part of an alien invasion force given human form!'

- Hey, bravo!
- All right!

'Who knows how many of them walk among us?'

Really? I can understand DW, but why would he think I was an alien?

Er... I'm sure he meant it in a good way.

Hmm.

So do you still think my parents and I are aliens?

No, of course not! That was a long time ago. You're not, right?

- Oh, brother!
- It's OK if you are.

I like aliens. It's a friendly planet.

'Dear diary, I don't think my parents are weird,

'but what will the other grown-ups think?

'It might be embarrassing if Mom wore one of her funky outfits.'

ALL CHATTER

SILENCE FALLS

She looks like she got lost on her way to a clown convention.

LAUGHTER

You were right, dear. They aren't from this planet.

This is going to be a great story.

'And Dad is always talking about the different places we've lived.'

After Nigeria, we spent a year in Kenya.

Oh, we loved it Kenya, but not as much as Togo.

Sue Ellen, who was the sixth President of the United States?

Uh, I'm not sure!

John Quincy Adams.

I'm afraid Sue Ellen must take an extra American history class.

She just hasn't spent enough time in this country.

- How's Saturday morning?
- Ah!

This open house night could be a real nightmare.

'If only I can make my parents seem more normal.'

- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure.

Your parents call you different names at home, right?

Like, um, I don't know... Little Muffin Man,

- or Binky Winkums?
- No.

Oh. Well, neither do mine.

Why are you studying? It's Saturday.

I'm not studying, I'm creating a test for my parents.

Why?

At the last open house, Mr Ratburn gave them a really hard quiz.

I'm trying to prepare them.

OK, once again.

ALL: A squared + B squared = C squared.

- Yes, Mom?
- Can I be excused? I have to put the laundry in the dryer.

OK, but hurry back. History starts in five minutes.

- Dad, I liked your essay on Benjamin Franklin.
- Thanks, son.

But I had trouble reading it. We must work on your penmanship.

Please take out a clean sheet of paper and a sharpened pencil.

They're grown-ups. I'm sure they'll do OK.

They can't just do OK. They have to get As!

Think how embarrassing it would be

if I got better grades than they did!

- Mom! What are you wearing?
- A sari. I found it in a trunk upstairs.

It's great for doing housework because it's so cool.

Do you like it?

Yeah, but you won't wear that on open house night?

I don't know what I'll wear that night. I hadn't thought about it.

Can I help you pick out your outfit? Please, please, can I?

OK.

Phew!

- What on earth is this?
- Purple okra. Used a lot in West African cooking.

In Nigeria, we used it to make a delicious peanut and okra soup.

- Really?
- Dad, the check-out line is huge. We'd better go.

At the open house tomorrow,

could you please not talk about all those countries we've lived in?

- Why?
- Um, I don't want the other kids to be jealous of me.
- OK.

Thanks, Dad. You're the best.

Nope. Nope.

Uh-uh. No way.

Nope! Never! Next!

That's it! It's perfect!

- That's what you should wear tonight!
- Oh. I've only worn this once...

to a funeral.

- Remember, Dad, no jokes!
- All right. But is it OK if I wear my glasses?

Ohh!

Capital of Nebraska? BOTH: Lincoln.

Capital of Nevada? BOTH: Carson City.

Remember, just try to seem normal.

Usually, I like to give the parents a little quiz,

but this time I've decided to do something a little different.

BOTH: Aww!

Since we have so many different families with interesting lives,

Let's have the parents tell the class a little bit about themselves.

SHE GULPS

We've got compacts, mini-vans, SUVs - all for insanely low prices.

Don't walk, run to Crosswire Motors at Fifth and Main!

We make the best deals on wheels!

Thank you, Mr and Mrs Crosswire.

Sue Ellen's parents, you're next.

EXCITED WHISPERS

[ I want to hear about their travels.

I'm a...diplomat.

- I'm a...homemaker.
- Thank you.

SNORING

- Dad!
- !

LAUGHTER

- Alan, that mask is fantastic. In fact, it looks just like...
- Ahem!

..something that would be great for Halloween. Excuse me.

It's supposed to look like a West African mask -

the kind people might have worn to summon rain.

I thought your dad would get it.

Hmm, no-one understands my art.

Is this what my little Binky Winkums made?

- Not bad, Mr Muffin Man.
- Mr Muffin Man?!

They're not my parents!

They just look like them. I don't know who they are.

Hmm, so the Barnes are aliens too. That explains so much.

- I love your dress, dear. It's so refreshingly...simple.
- Thanks.

So you're a diplomat. I bet you've been to many interesting places.

Not really. Just here and there.

Uh-huh? I think... I'll get some more ice cream.

I can't take it any more! I hate it when you guys are normal!

- It's so boring!
- It sure is.
- I'm putting myself to sleep!

Please, just be yourselves.

Ahh!

I can't believe my dad fell asleep again.

My dad told four jokes and no-one got any of them.

- They never change.
- Yeah. I think that's why I like them so much.

DRUMMING AND LAUGHTER

This is fun. It's a pity the kids won't join us.

I guess they're too embarrassed.

Embarrassed? I can't imagine why!

Taking something that's not yours always leads to trouble.

Ask DW.

Grandma Thora and I made brownies last night. Only are left.

Who is the culprit?

A-ha! A suspect!

Not guilty! I just got back from the dentist. I'm not eating sweets.

Today, anyway.

Nope. Just bagel crumbs.

Darn! It's only birdseed.

Gotcha! How could you?!

How could he what?

Dad! YOU stole my brownie?

I didn't steal it. I ate it.

- Grandma! It's Dad! He's the brownie thief!
- Relax! It's just a brownie!

Isn't it?

COCKEREL CROW

- Hi, Brain.
- Hey, Buster.

Why are you inside on a lovely Sunday afternoon?

Oh, blame it on Cyber Toys.

- You mean you finally got one?
- Well, not exactly.

Ah! There's a mouse in my basket!

Ah! LAUGHTER

See, Buster? Cyber Toys are great.

Binky Barnes, you'll be sorry!

- See what I mean?
- Wait till I get you!

Come back here!

Aren't they cute? You need a Cyber Toy too.

ARTHUR SIGHS

So when are you getting your Cyber Toys?

My mom says I can't have one until my birthday. They're too expensive.

And weird-looking. My mom and dad say if I want one,

I have to buy it myself.

- The toy store has Cyber Toy action sets!
- You mean Creepy Castle?

And the Galactic Garage!

I hope they're not sold out.

BUSTER SIGHS

Everyone on earth has a Cyber Toy except us.

Come on, Buster, not everyone.

THEY GIGGLE

Yeah. Everyone.

Wow! Dr Zontar!

- Look at the craftsmanship! Look at the detail!
- And the price!

- Hi.
- Is your mom getting you one?

No, I'm just looking.

- ROBOTIC VOICE:
- Behold, mortals!

I bring you...Buster Baxter!

Wow, Buster! That's the coolest Cyber Toy ever!

Of course, because he's mine.

Only pieces - too easy.

Yeah. L-Let's go.

Hey! I saw that! ]

- Ah!
- I saw that lunchbox at school!

- Phew!
- Oh, hi, Buster. Come on, Arthur. Mom's ready to go.

Hi, Buster. Do you need a ride home?

Uh, I think I'll walk. You want to come, Arthur?

No, thanks. I must do my homework.

Smile, Kate. We're on TV!

HE GULPS

- POLICE SIREN
- What have I done? I'm a criminal.

I'm innocent! Buster did it! He's the thief!

- ALL SHOUT AT ONCE
- There he goes!

Come back here!

He's getting away!

HE PANTS

Oh, no!

POLICE SIREN

I've never stolen anything before. Does that make me a real crook?

- Oh!
- Order! Order! How did you all spend your weekend?

I studied motion-detecting security systems!

I read Crime And Punishment.

I went on a field trip to the police station!

- I stole the Cyber Toy.
- ALL GASP

Well, Buster Baxter,

that definitely makes you a real crook!

HE GASPS

No!

SIREN WAILS

Phew!

Ah!

- He stole second base! Yeah!
- Go for broke! Steal third!

No, put it back! It's not worth it!

Oh.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Hi, Buster. Are you OK?

I need to talk to you in your cell, I mean, room. Now!

- Why are you acting so weird?
- I'll show you.
- Where did that come from?!

And how did you know it was there?

Because...because I put it there.

- You what?
- I stole it. I know it was wrong.

But everyone has a Cyber Toy except us and I...couldn't help it.

Great(!) A stolen toy I'm not even supposed to have is in my room.

Thanks a lot, Buster(!)

I'm sorry I almost got you in trouble, Arthur,

but what do I do now?

I don't even want it any more.

- That's the truth.
- What do you do with things you don't want?

- Ask for a refund?
- No, return it!

- Hmm...
- We'll go to the drugstore tomorrow before it opens

- and leave it at the door with a note saying we're sorry we took it.
- Sure.

We'll return it! That's only thing to do!

And it's the right thing to do.

- Now get it out of here!
- OK. But how?

- Goodbye, Buster.
- Yeah. And thanks for taking out my trash.

MECHANICAL WHIRRING

Oops. There goes my...stomach again.

Bye, Mrs Read.

Phew!

BUSTER PANTS

- Where have you been?!
- Writing the note.
- What does it say?

"Dear drugstore, we didn't mean to take this Cyber Toy.

"Somehow it got in Arthur's book bag. Signed, Unanimous."

Buster, it's anonymous, not unanimous!

And don't mention MY name! Then I'll get in trouble.

See, this proves I'm no criminal.

- Now what?
- We can't just leave it. What if someone steals it?

Morning, boys. I'm taking inventory but come on in.

- Psst! The security camera might see us.
- OK.

I'll keep him busy on the candy aisle. You return the Cyber Toy.

Ah! Arthur? You should see this.

See what?

- Oh, no!
- I'll say! We sold out last night.

Everyone wants a Cyber Toy. But don't worry, I'll have more soon.

If we leave it now, he'll know we did it.

Give it to me. You go look at the candy.

Come on, Buster. We'd better not be late for...lunch.

Didn't you come here for something?

Just these lawbreakers.

I mean jawbreakers!

That'll be cents.

- Pay him, Buster.
- OK, here.

- Thank you. Bye, boys.
- Bye!

BUSTER GASPS

That's funny. How did this get here?

"Dear drugstore..."

So...whose idea is this?

THEY BABBLE

I'm waiting.

OK, OK! I did it! It was me!

- Check your security camera. You'll see.
- That security camera?

- It isn't even working.
- It's not?

But my telephone is. I'd better make some phone calls.

Boys, I know you meant well by returning the toy,

but stealing it, that's where you went wrong. Very wrong.

I know it was a dumb thing to do. I'm sorry.

You should have come to us when you found out what Buster did.

Yes. Even if you didn't take the toy,

Can't you see how covering it up made it worse?

- We're disappointed in you and Buster.
- I'm disappointed in us too.

You'll have a long time to think about what you did to this store

- and to yourself.
- I will.

And that's why I'm inside on a perfect Sunday afternoon -

all because of a toy I just had to have.

I'm glad I got mine for my birthday. See you in school tomorrow.

[ Wash up for dinner, Buster.

And remember - dinner, but no dessert.

She really knows how to hurt a guy.

One weekend down, four more to go.

- # And I say, hey!
- Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day

# If you can learn to work and play

# And get along with each other

# You've got to listen to your heart Listen to the beat

# Listen to the rhythm, the rhythm of the street

# It's a simple message and it comes from the heart

# Believe in yourself

# For that's the place to start

- # And I say, hey!
- Hey!

# What a wonderful kind of day

# If you can learn to work and play... #