02x28 - One More Mile to Go

[bunniefuu]

Good evening.

Most of you have
doubtless read how
Anne Boleyn lost her head.

King Henry Vlll,
no longer fascinated, said,

"Let her be decapitated."

Thereupon the legend goes

her ghost roamed about
each night with utmost
dignity and charm,

with her head tucked
underneath her arm.

Now with two heads
it occurs to me

I can think more clearly
than with three.

However,
if the worst should come,

one head's a basic minimum.

Therefore, in my work,

I hardly dare to roam about
without one spare.

Tonight's legend
tells of modern life

and how to solve a problem:

Wife.

I was only doing , Officer.

What I stopped you for
has got nothing to do
with speeding.

Why, I don't understand.
I was driving real careful.

It's got nothing to do
with your driving, either.

You've got a taillight out.

Oh?

Well, it was all right
when I left the house.

Well, it's not all right now.

Let's see your
driver's license.

Oh, from Edgetown, huh?
Yeah.

Where you headed?

Oh, nowhere in particular.

I was just out
taking a little drive.

What are you going to do
about the taillight?

I'll have it fixed
first thing in the morning.

No, that's not
good enough.

You can't be driving around
with that taillight out.

That's how accidents happen.

Well, I don't know
what I can do.

Well, you can
get it fixed.

There's a gas station
about a mile back,
on the main highway.

Oh, well, I'll go right there.

Yeah. See that you do.

Yep.

Fill her up?
No. I need a new bulb
for my taillight.

And I'm in a hurry.

Everyone always is.

Here you are,
mister.

What's the matter?
You nervous or something?

Just give me the bulb.
Don't you want me
to put it in for you?

Maybe you'd better.

Okay.

What do you make of that?
It don't work.

Maybe the bulb's no good.
Not a chance.
It's brand new.

I just took it
out of the package.

It could be
defective anyway.

Nuts. Nothing wrong with that.

What's the matter, Red?

What's the trouble all about?

Take a look at this bulb
and tell me what you think.

Looks all right.

Put it back in
and jiggle it around
a little bit.

Sometimes that'll do it.

Already done that.

Nope. Don't work.

Wait a minute.

Now, you got
a defective wire.

What do you got in the trunk?
Seems to be loaded down
pretty good.

Uh, just some tools I forgot
to take out at the house.
They're kind of heavy.

That's what did it.
Yeah.

One of those tools probably
rubbed against a frayed wire
and grounded it out.

Where's the key?

Key?

Yeah.
We'll open the trunk
and Red can take a look at it.

Probably fix it
with a piece of tape.

What's the matter?
You sick or something?

I only got the ignition key.
I must've left the trunk key
at home.

Oh. Well, this light's
got to be fixed.

There's been
a lot of accidents
on this highway lately

and this could cause
another one.

You know, sometimes
you can spring these open
on these old cars.

No.

Huh?

Well, I mean, can't you
just give me a ticket
and get it over with?

Well, why?

Well, it'd be a lot cheaper
in the long run
than ruining the lock.

Sure, I could
give you a ticket.

But that wouldn't fix
that taillight,
now, would it?

I asked you a question.
Would it?

Well, locks are expensive.

So they're expensive.

Look, suppose a guy
comes along and runs
into your rear.

You know, mistakes you
for a motorcycle or something.

Or maybe he's half-tanked.

Now, you both
wind up in the hospital.

Is that cheaper than
buying a new lock?

No, I suppose not.

Now, I know you're afraid
I'll scratch your car

and that would lower
the trade-in value.

You know, some of you guys
make me laugh.

You treat these old cars
like they're old ladies.

Red, get me a crowbar.
Sure.

It's all right.
It's all right!

Don't be too sure.
There's no telling
how long it'll stay on.

Well, at least
till I get home.

You better have it fixed
first thing in the morning.
I certainly will.

Just be sure you do
because next time
I'll give you a ticket.

Here, Red.

Okay.

What's the big hurry?

Well, I was only going .
That's under the limit.

I didn't say
you were speeding.

Why is it people always
think they're being stopped
for speeding?

You know, the way
you sh*t out
of that gas station

anybody would've thought
you were on fire.

Here. You gave him a five spot
and forgot to get your change.

Well, thanks a lot, Officer.
Thanks very much.
I'm much obliged to you.

I guess it just
slipped my mind.

You must have a lot
on your mind
to forget a five spot.

Yeah, well,
I guess everybody does.

Well, thanks
for bringing it to me.
It's okay.

I thought you said
you lived in Edgetown.

I do.
What're you doing
on this road?

Well, I... I didn't feel
like going right home.

I thought
I'd take a little drive.

It's a little risky
with that taillight.

Yeah, well, I guess
it's all right now.

Well, I hope so,
for your sake.
Yeah.

Oh, wait a minute.
I'll have a look for you.

Well, I got news for you.
It's out again.

It can't be.
It's out like a light.

Want to take a look?

Don't look so worried.
You know, I just happened
to think of something.

What?

Headquarters about
a mile up ahead.

Matter of fact,
this road's a shortcut to it.

Headquarters?
Yeah.

We got a mechanic there.
He'll have that trunk open
in about two seconds.

He'll fix that light
and it won't cost you a cent.

Well, my house is only
a little ways from here.

I'll drive it there
and then I'll...

I'll get it fixed
first thing in the morning.

Now, that's pretty dangerous.
You better have it fixed now.

Follow me.

Thank you.

One less mile to go.

Next week another script,
another show.

When electrons glide
across your screen,

bringing some new
and unforeseen
brand of m*rder.

I mean the quiet kind,

perpetrated solely
in our mind.

A gentle thump.

A soothing splash.

No b*llet, shriek
or livid gash.

No stains, no fumes,
no ugly splatter.

We use only the purest
subject matter.

Good night.