05x10 - Good Girls, Bad Girls

[bunniefuu]

[phone ringing]

Hello.

[Roseanne]
Hi, Becky.

Um, somethin' came
in the mail for you today.

Okay. Well, why
don't you open it

And if it's anything
important just call me
back later, okay?

Well, hang on.
This'll just take a minute.

Hurry!

Hey, Becky, you got some
really good coupons here.

Here's bucks off
your dry cleaning.

Free sprinkles
on your yogurt cone.

Listen, mom, why
don't you keep that?

[Roseanne]
are you sure, Becky?

I mean, this
is a $ value here.

You could use 'em
when you come down.

No, really, please.

Take them, I want
you to have them.

[Roseanne]
well, okay then,
suit yourself.

Okay, see you
later, bye.

This has got to be
some kind of a record.

Not again, really?

Yeah. Every single
time I call over there.

It's so romantic, all that
passion, when you have

To make love every
minute of the day.

Oh, look at how cute
the family circus is today.

I'm gonna have to call
Becky and tell her.

[thunder booming]

Your ideas bite.

Hey. Your ideas
bite, ma'am.

Your ideas bite, ma'am.

What happened?
Didn't you sell any candy
bars for the woodchucks?

Not even one. Now i'll
never win the prize.

What happened
to the umbrella?

I stuck it in the door
like you told me,

But they slammed
the door anyway.

Then this dog came.
We had a big tug-o-w*r

And I fell back
into a big puddle

And some lady
took a picture.

Oh, well, gee, i'm
sorry, honey, you know?

But, well, money's
kind of tight right now

And if you're gonna go
around selling a cent

Do they know who
your family is?

[doorbell rings]

Now go upstairs and dry up.

[thunder crashing]

Hi, charlotte.

Hey, Mrs. Conner.
I hope i'm not
interrupting anything.

No. I just got this wife
and mother thing going on.

Boy, you're soaked.

Yeah.

Um, Molly was supposed
to leave the keys in my locker

And she didn't, so i'm
kinda locked out.

Oh, gee, um, I used
to have an extra key

But I gave it back
to your dad. Sorry.

Oh. Oh, that's okay.
Well, thanks anyway.

I'm just gonna
go wait outside.

Oh.

Okay, bye.

Bye.

Oh, Charlotte?

Yes?

Is it still
raining out there?

Oh, yeah, hard.

Well, okay, bye.

Bye!

Hey, Charlotte?
Yes?

Would you please get your
butt back in this kitchen?

Yes.

I can't believe that you
actually were gonna go stand

Out there
in the pouring rain

Instead of just asking
if you could hang out
here for a while.

Yeah, I just didn't
want to bother you.

Is that meatloaf
you're making?

Yeah, well,
we'll call it that.

I always put extra yolks
in mine, you know,
it's my special recipe.

You're , you shouldn't
have a meatloaf recipe.

Go get something pierced.

You know, if you
don't mind, I love to cook.

Yeah?

Well, so do I,
but...You are the guest.

Hey.

Hey, Darlene, i'd like you
to meet my new daughter.

Oh, mom, don't make
me share your love.

[Molly]
hello?

Hi, come on in.

Good thing you're here.
We need a salad, too.

Charlotte, there you are.
Guess what?

You forgot
to leave the keys?

I'm sorry. I had to get
in line for
daisy chainsaw tickets.

I can't believe
you got them.

You did not.

I did too.

Oh, those are like
impossible to get.

I didn't think
there'd be any left.

Wait a minute, you and I
actually like the same band?

Yeah, well, you know.
Don't spread it around.

Don't worry, i've
got a reputation too.

Yeah, and the cold sores
to prove it.

Girls.
What?

I'm serious about
that salad.

Boy, you think you'd
be nice to somebody
with an extra ticket.

You got an extra ticket?

Yeah.
Do you want to go?

Are they really,
really good seats?

Tenth row, center.

I'm there.

Ah, just a minute,
where is this concert at?

It's at the arena,
in Rockford.

No way.
Forget about it.

Well, you're not really gonna
keep me from going, are you?

I mean, come on,
i'm years old.

Well, that was
gonna be my point.

I don't believe this.
Molly's dad is letting her go.

Well, great. Then you've
got somebody who'll bring
you back a t-shirt.

Oh, this is so unfair!

Why don't you trust me?

Because i've seen your work.

I seem to remember
a little incident last year

With you sneaking
off to Chicago

And me groundin' you
until...What are you
doin' out of your room?

Well, that's 'cause
I didn't tell you.

This time i'm telling you.

Look, I know your children
haven't behaved perfectly
in the past,

But at some point you're gonna
have to trust one of them.

Okay. Molly, you want
to take D.J. To the concert?

Oh, come on, i'm serious.

And that chicago thing
was over a year ago.

I haven't cut school
once since then.

And with Becky
out of the house,

I've had a lot more to do
around here and i'm doing it.

I'm trying really hard
and it doesn't seem
to matter to you.

And might I add,
your hair looks
particularly lovely today.

One more word
and you're not going.

All right, yes!

No, we have to check
with your dad

And make sure he
says it's okay.

Oh, he will.
You can convince him.

Yeah, maybe I'll try
that "particularly
lovely hair" bit on him.

Thanks, mom.
I can go.

Cool.
Thanks, Mrs. Conner.

I'll pay you half
now and half when
I actually see the band.

Gee, Charlotte. You wanted
to go to that concert too,
didn't you?

No, not really.

Well, I could still tell
Darlene that she can't go.

No.
It wouldn't be fair.

Well, hey, i'm
unreasonable all the time

And Darlene would never
know the difference.

No, really, i'm fine.

Okay, well, if you're ever
sittin' over there

And you're lonely
or something, you know,

You're welcome to come over
here and hang out any time.

Thanks. That's really
nice, Mrs. Conner.

Roseanne.

Well, Dan will be home
in a couple of minutes.

We better hurry
and get that dinner done.

Oh, yeah.

No, Becky,
don't you get it?

Marmaduke is too
big for that small car.

Well, sorry
for botherin' ya.

Bye.

Think she'd learn to take
it off the hook by now.

That damn pooch.

[laughing]

Woof!

How many of those
did D.J. Soak you for?

I haven't bought,
I'm just browsing.

What time did we
tell Darlene to be home?

After the concert.

That's very vague, dear.

Would that be
a month after the concert?

Do I really have
to go through this
again with you, Dan?

Okay. The concert
lets out at ,

I told her to come
straight home,

So she'll probably
be here by midnight.

It's an hour and
a half drive from Rockford.

Not the way Molly speeds.

And, you know,
after she's had a couple
of drinks in her...

I'm serious, honey.

I can't believe we let
her go to that rock
concert by herself.

She's not by herself,
Dan, and she's .

We can't just lock her up.

Hey!
We got a basement!

Now, Dan, come here.

Darlene is out for the night.
D.J.'s sleepin' at mom's.

Nothing good on tv.
Come over here.

Why, Miss Conner,
you're my boss.

I thought we had a strictly
professional relationship.

Oh, I just can't
help myself, danny.

Oo, the way you
make my coffee,

The way you walk
out of a room.

Oo, I know why you wear
these skin-tight overalls.

I'm beginning to think
you didn't hire me
for my typing skills.

Hold my calls.

[knock on door]

Ah, fix your face!

Oh, hi, Charlotte.

Hey, Roseanne,
i'm sorry to bother you.

That's okay.

Thanks.
What do you need?

Um, i'm doing a book report
for school and
the library's closed

And I noticed that you
guys have encyclopedias.

We do?

Yeah, Dan,
don't you remember?

We got a through s
and then we had
to switch grocery stores?

Right. Then we got
shop-and-save's

Parade of presidents,
but we had to stop at lincoln

'cause of that
bad check thing.

But if you need
any bicentennial dishes,

We have everything
except for the salad plates.

Oh, that's okay.
Thanks.

I guess i'll just go.

You sure?

Yeah.

Hey. Let's try somethin',
Charlotte.

Right after
I finish talking,

Then you say something
back right away.

My dad's working the night
shift and molly's
out with Darlene,

And I've never been alone
in a new house before

And, um, I made
you some snacks.

Well, you know I told
you you could come over
and hang out any time.

You don't have to bring
food every single time
you come over here,

Just you is enough, got it?

Yes.

Oh no.

Rice krispy treats.

Over here!

Come on, Molly!
Let's go,
it's getting late.

So cute.
Which one do you want?

The one that'll k*ll you
and stuff you into a trunk.

Come on,
will you lighten up?

Look, I have a boyfriend,
I don't need these jerks.

Now, can we get out of here?
It's been, like,
an hour and a half.

Well, it's my car
and i'm not ready to go.

I'm still looking
for the perfect guy, okay?

Oh, it's a good thing
we're in a parking lot
full of drunken losers.

Shouldn't be hard
to spot that white horse.

So, you guys
comin' or what?

Well, i'm definitely
gonna go, but Darlene
here's kinda shy.

Look, we don't have to go
anywhere, I got a couple
of joints in the van.

Yeah, Darlene, you look
like a real partier.

Any part of you that touches
me, you're not getting back.

I'm going without you.

I'm not standing
in this parking lot alone.

Give me the keys
and I'll drive home.

Let sean drive you home.

Yeah, I'll
drive you home.
Oh, god.

Look, just minutes,
I promise.

So, Darlene, do--

Just stop
right there, ponyboy.

You and the rest of your
outsiders can go rumble
someplace else.

Look. I apologize
for my friend.

I mean,
he's a real jerk.

I mean, it's obviously a bad
idea to go into somebody's
van you hardly even know.

So it's lucky for you
I happen to have
a couple of joints right here.

Oh, man. I feel like I'm
in the middle of a really
bad after-school special.

Yeah, gil, they're
in a blue ' celica.

It's Darlene and another
girl, Molly Tilden.

No, we haven't been able
to get in touch
with her father yet.

What was Molly wearing?

Oh, uh,
a black miniskirt.

Black miniskirt.

And, uh, this half-shirt.
A crop-top.

And, uh, a sweater she
always wears when she
goes out to get guys.

Guy-gettin' sweater.

Who the hell
is she talkin' to?

Well, gee, it's
in the morning,

I think she's ordering
a couple of things
from spiegel catalog.

Get her off the phone.

Darlene could be
trying to call through.

Charlotte, go home
and check your
answering machine again.

Yes, sir.

I'm goin' back outside.

I want to stand
in the middle of the street
where the first thing

She'll see when she pulls
up is my head exploding.

Gil gets accident reports
from all the hospitals.

He hasn't heard anything.

God, where
could they be?

I'm gonna go out
and drive around a little.

I'm sure there's nothing
to worry about.

Car might have
broken down.

They might have pulled
off the road somewhere

And could be wandering
down some deserted highway

Looking for anybody
to pick 'em up.

I'll go look.

Something happen?
You hear something?

No.

Don't.

You said, "let her go."

I said don't.

She could be out there,
god knows where,

God knows what
happened to her.

This never would have
happened if you would
have listened to me.

-year-old kid shouldn't
go to no rock concert.

Yeah, you're right, Dan,
only middle-aged couples
should go to rock concerts.

You're not off
the hook for this.

You let her go all
the way to rockford.

You let her do whatever
the hell she wants,
and this time...

I don't even want to
think about this time.

So why don't you just
go ahead and say it.
Go on, just say it.

I'm a lousy mother, there,
do you feel better?

Yeah, maybe this time somethin'
will happen to her and then you
can be lord, god, king right.

Yeah, Roseanne, that's
exactly what i'm
lookin' for. I want--

Don't even bother yelling
at me because no matter

How mad you are, you're
nowhere near as mad as I am.

Well, don't bet on it!
Where in the hell
have you been?

Trying to get home.

That skank woman Molly
left me stranded
in the parking lot

So she could jump
in a van with some
guys after the concert.

I finally had
to wave down a cab.

I don't care what
your story is.

The rule is you call.

It was a bad neighborhood.

When I finally found
a phone booth I got tired

Of waiting for the guy
in it to finish peeing.

Look, I know I should
have called but I just
wanted to get home.

You expect us
to believe that?

Well, if you don't, just
go ask the cab driver.

He's waiting outside
for his bucks.

Oh, man.

The grocery money
is on top of the fridge.

What were you doing talkin'
to some guys in a van?

It wasn't me, it was her.
I told you that.

Right, she deserted you.

What, you don't believe
that Molly would desert me?

Why, because she's so sweet
and cute and says,"please,"
and, "thank you, ma'am"?

No. Because she doesn't
have a history of lying
to me like you do.

That was Charlotte, she
just heard from Molly.

Darlene, you'll be relieved
to know that right now
you're in molly's car

Driving back with her
and you'll be home safe
in about an hour.

I'll accept your apology
over eggs and french toast
in the morning.

Or, you know, you could
just ground me and that'd
be okay too.

Why does she buy this
brand of waffles?
I hate these waffles.

Well, you know you could
solve that problem by having
breakfast in your own house.

Hi.
Hey.

Hi, well, for a guy
workin' the night shift
you're up pretty early.

Or awful late.

Care for a nightcap?

Yeah, in a minute.

We, uh, got somethin'
to clear up first, right?

Come on, let's go.

Um, i'm really sorry
about last night,

And I hope you're not
mad at Darlene
for comin' home so late.

'cause it was
all my fault.

Apology accepted.

We're just thankful
everybody's okay.

I'm gonna go upstairs
and apologize to Darlene.

Ah, man, daughters.

They ought to come
with a handbook.

Yeah, so you can
smack 'em with it.

You know, Dan, look at me.
I'm workin' all the time.

These kids don't
have a mother.

I mean, it's gettin' tough.

Charlotte, she's a dream, but
Molly, she's a real handful.

Real handful.

That's one way
of puttin' it.

Well, i'm just really glad
that guard let her go back

To the building
to get her purse.

I'm not sure Darlene
told me about that.

Well, Darlene got tired of
waiting, so she left for home.

And I tell you, I don't
blame her, because if you
go somewhere with Molly,

She always leaves
something behind

And it takes about a year
for her to find it.

Wow. A less trusting parent
might think you could drive

A van through the holes
in that story.

Well, they don't know
my daughter. I do.

Well, I guess.

Now listen, sometimes you
gotta give your kids
the benefit of the doubt.

Nah, you give murderers
the benefit of the doubt.

These are your kids.

Dan, I trust my kids
and all i'm hopin'
for is I raised 'em right,

So they do right,
that's it.

Whatever works. Why don't you
go home and get some sleep?

Sleep? Ha ha.

And i'll get started
on that early grave for you.

Do you believe that? That
kid's got him totally snowed.

Man. Makes you realize,
there but for the
grace of god goes...

Well, some parent
with good kids.

Well, we can't leave it like
this. What are you gonna do?

I know exactly
what i'm gonna do.

Rosie?

Look, I can't believe
you won't cover for me.

I just want to get
our stories straight.

Okay, let's see.

You were smoking pot
in a guy's van while

I was stranded in a dark
parking lot in rockford.

Okay, let's
go tell your dad.

Come on, my butt's
on the line here.

Won't you even
listen to me?

No, we spent enough time in
life together, we're done now.

You didn't tell your parents
what really happened, did you?

Most of it. My mom
never would have bought

That "I lost
my purse" crap anyway.

Oh, I don't know, try me,
i'm not as good when
I haven't slept.

Hi, Mrs. Conner, I'm
really sorry about--

No you're not!
But you will be.

Darlene, out!

In a minute. I seem to have
misplaced my purse here...

Darlene. Out.

Sit down, Molly.

Look, I know what
Darlene told you.

Let's just cut
the crap, okay?

You're talkin'
to Darlene's mother here,

The mother of all mothers,
and she is majorly mad!

Now maybe your father's
too busy to see what you're
trying to get away with,

But don't even waste
that story on me.

It wasn't a story.

Molly, Molly, Molly.

I have raised two of the best
damn liars in the free world.

Don't embarrass yourself.

Why are you raggin' on me?

'cause that's what I do.

I did it with Becky,
I do it with Darlene,

But doin' it with you
is even more fun 'cause
I can yell at you

All I want and I don't
have to buy you a car.

Yeah, that's right,
'cause you're not my mother.

Fine. Since i'm not
your mother then,
i'm not gonna tell you

How stupid it is to get
into some stranger's van

And i'm also not gonna
tell you how terrible things

Happen to stupid little girls
like you every single day.

I don't have
to listen to this.

Oh, but
I think you do!

Now, you want to screw up
your life, I don't care.

But when you leave this
house with a conner kid,

You're gonna
be extra careful,

'cause Darlene is one of the
few things we own outright.

I get it, okay?

Okay.

And...You are gonna pay
me back for Darlene's
cab ride home.

Yes, I'll pay you back.

Yeah, you're damn right you
will, 'cause you're gonna

Work it off washing
dishes at the diner,

All bucks of it.

Woof!
That damn dog!

Was that the
last candy bar?

Yeah, that's the last one.

Well, I guess maybe D.J.
Won that prize after all.

Oh, great,
he sold them all?

Well, if that's the last one,
where else would they go?

Did you eat any?

Couple.

Yeah, well I ate a couple.

Darlene ate a couple.

Jackie's having
her period.

Well, I guess at bucks
a pop we bought D.J.
A $ woodchuck pencil case.

Woof.

Well, but...

Hey, let's not waste
that chocolate buzz.

[clapping]
woof.