06x11 - Workin' Man Blues

[bunniefuu]

Well, that finishes our segment on home
safety. l hope you learned something.

l know l have.
Next time, we'll use a fireproof sign.

l'll call our insurance adjuster.

- lt's on the speed dial, number eight.
- Oh, really?

Well, it's time to dip
into the old mail bag, Al.

That's right. And our first letter
is from ''Perplexed in Petoskey.''

Ah, Petoskey. They have that beautiful
tire parade and pickle festival.

Gherkins and whitewalls. Love that.

OK. ''l tried to install
some dowels in an oak shelf unit.

They expanded and wouldn't fit
in the holes. What can l do?''

Most people don't know,
but you can shrink a dowel

if you put it in the microwave
for two minutes.

That's true. And then just
sprinkle a little cheddar on top,

you'll have a nice
oak-aroni and cheese.

You want to keep a lookout
for Al's new book, Cooking with Lumber.

OK. Uh, this is
from ''Flummoxed in Fenwick.''

Fenwick. That's a great place.
They have the National Earmuff Museum.

lt's open late July through early August
because otherwise they're wearing them.

''l'm getting my driver's license
this year. l know a lot about cars.

But l'd like to learn even more.
l think if my parents bought me my own,

it would be a great educational
experience. What do you think?''

Well, l think, uh, cars are expensive,
especially for a teenager.

- So, l'd have to say...
- Yes! Yes!

...Brad, if you want a car,
you get a job. All right, pal?

l might not have much experience, sir,
but l'm a fast learner.

And if you hire me,
l know you won't regret it.

Sorry, kid.
You're not what we're looking for.

[sighs] What was wrong this time?

You just don't have the sophistication
to work at the Wiener Barn.

Working on that job interview?
How's it going?

Ah, it's going all right. lt's just
a part-time job selling wieners.

Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You back that wiener wagon
right back up.

There's no such thing as ''just a job.''

Someone's paying you for something,
take it seriously.

Dad, he'd be in charge of relish.

Here's a tip.
Compliment them on their sauerkraut.

Tell them it's right up there with
the kraut burrito at Casa de Bratwurst.

Won't he see right
through me if l kiss up?

[scoffs] Excuse me.

The guy's the manager of a Wiener Barn.

How sharp can the guy be?

Can you help me?

Can anybody really help anybody?

We're all alone. And then we die.

lt's time for my break.

That's unbelievable. l've taken
one ten-minute break in my life.

The doctor put that plaster cast on me

and l was back at work
before the plaster dried.

Just like my dad.

- l'm Rob. l own the place.
- Brad. Nice to meet you.

What can l do for you, Brad?

l'm a little early for my
job interview across the mall,

l thought l'd check out your snowboards.

Snowboarding. That's how
l ended up in my second body cast.

On the up side, l ended up
selling the entire surgical team

a fleet of kayaks.

Excuse me, Brad.

There's a beautiful woman there
looking at a $ , bicycle.

l love this job.

- Well, hidy-ho, Taylor lad.
- Hey, Wilson.

So, what brings you
to this indoor amalgam of vendors,

colloquially known as ''the mall?''

l'm k*lling time before my
job interview at the Wiener Barn.

What are you doing?

Well, Brad,
l'm on a quest for a new hobby.

l've narrowed it down
to either channeling Aztec spirits...

...or rollerblading.

Brad, do you know anything
about these skates?

Sure do.
These softer ones are for indoor.

These harder, faster ones
are for outdoor.

The bearings are rated by ABEC numbers
that go from one to . Most use three.

Well, l don't know, Brad. Maybe
channeling Aztec spirits is a lot safer.

Aren't the Aztecs the ones that cut
the hearts out of people still alive?

[gulps]

l'm gonna go
for those Turbo Roller s.

You know,
they're on sale over at Larson's.

Really? Well, maybe l'll
go over there and take a gander.

- Good luck with that Wiener Barn.
- Thanks.

Oh, by the way, Brad, a little tip.
Compliment the sauerkraut.

They just love that.

So you're also
an expert on rollerblading.

Well, l wouldn't say l'm an expert.

You're doing a good job
driving customers out of my store.

l'm sorry. That was my neighbor Wilson.

Brad, do you know what l do to people
who do what you just did?

Cut out their hearts?

l offer them a job. What do you say
you work for me part-time?

- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

lf you're on my payroll,
you'll keep customers in my store.

And that's kind of
what l'm going for here, Brad.

Well, it sounds a lot better
than steaming wieners.

What do you say we go talk salary over
at Java Joe's? You a coffee lover, Brad?

Yeah, and one day,
l hope to be a coffee drinker.

Coffee, anyone?

We don't drink coffee. We're kids.

And the word on the street is,
so are you.

Hey, as of today, l'm a working man.

And a working man
needs his morning coffee.

A little more sugar,
and the working man can fly to work.

Pass me the business section.

Well, there's the working stiff.

Having a good day?
Thanks for the coffee.

l'm not sure you put enough
coffee in the sugar, did you?

You pumped up for your first day?

Yeah. l'm ready
to rack up some big numbers.

- All right.
- Well, l'm out of here.

When you get home tonight,

we're gonna block-sand some
of the panels on the hot rod.

- You got it.
- Good luck, kid.

l'm not a kid anymore.
l'm a working man.

So long, boys.

Dad, could l get some lunch money?

Hi.

l'm looking for some new golf clubs.

[scoffs] Golf?

Now there's a total waste of time.

What, do you wear
those silly clothes too? [laughs]

Actually, sir,
our golf section's right over there.

Our best clubs
are probably our graphite.

But if you want something
a little less expensive, try steel.

See what feels comfortable.
l'll be back.

Nice work, Brad.

l'm gonna help the golf guy.
You haven't taken a break.

Hey, l don't need a break.
l'm trying to make a sale.

You know,
it's kind of what l'm going for here.

You're doing a great job.

You've made more sales
in one day than Holly's made in...

Actually, Holly's never made a sale.

Well, if you don't mind me asking,
why did you hire her?

l've got a good heart.

And she's my sister.

Well, maybe one day she'll finally wake
up and take her job seriously, huh?

l need a two-hour lunch.
l'm getting my tongue pierced.

- Doesn't that hurt?
- Yeah.

- Hey, everybody.
- Hey, Brad.

- How was the first day at the new job?
- Unbelievable!

l took in the highest
first-day gross of any salesman

still living with his parents.

- Ha-ha! That's my boy!
- All right.

- Congratulations.
- And the best part is,

he wants to give me more hours. He wants
me to work an extra two days a week.

Wow! Well, l guess that's OK, as long
as you keep up with your schoolwork.

Don't forget, you've got
a big day coming up in two weeks.

That's right!
We're putting the engine in the hot rod.

Brad is taking his PSAT tests.

Oh, God, how l hated...

...when those tests were over.

- The PSATs are really important.
- Oh, don't worry.

l'm sure Rob'll give me
the afternoon off. He's a great guy.

l'll be back.
l gotta study brochures.

Wait! l thought we were
gonna block-sand the hot rod.

No, l can't do it tonight, Dad.
Rob says if you want to get ahead,

you've got to work
while the other guy sleeps.

Well, maybe l'll wake
the other guy up and he can help me.

- He sure likes that new boss of his.
- Why wouldn't he?

l mean, Rob is . He's got a ski condo,
sports car, lots of girlfriends.

- Everything Brad wants.
- Everything l want.

Except the condo.

So, Jill, you in the mood
for a little block-sanding tonight?

Well, maybe.

lf you spend some time
talking to me first.

l'll do it myself.

There you go, ma'am. Have a great day.

Psst. Brad, you, uh,
talk to Holly about going out with me?

- Yeah.
- [laughs]

What'd she say?

Her exact words were,
''Jason is a repulsive maggot.''

Did she smile when she said it?

- Holly!
- You're a disgusting worm.

All right!

l'm moving up the food chain.

[laughs] Are you here again?

No. Well, l was just leaving,
Rob, my man.

l'm off to the lingerie shop.

You never know when some young lady's
gonna need a [whispers] second opinion.

Let's go to lunch. l'll take you
to that place l tell you about.

Well, l sort of had plans.
But l could always cancel them.

Well, great.
Just let me tell Holly that we're going.

And remind her that this is a store
and all these things are for sale.

Hey, Brad, l hope you're hungry.

Listen, would you mind if l canceled?

Well, no. What's the problem?

Rob wants to take me
to lunch and talk business.

Oh, yeah. All right. OK. Yeah.

Where's he gonna take ya?

To this place where the waitresses
dress up like pirate wenches.

- Pirate's Plank.
- Yeah!

Yeah. Watch out for wench number three.

Her parrot... arrh... bites.

- So we can have lunch another time?
- Yeah.

l'll get lunch someplace else.
See you home.

- All right.
- All right.

- Hey, Brad. You ready to go?
- Yeah.

- Are we gonna walk?
- l got a Porsche.

- Got a permit?
- Yeah.

- Then you drive.
- All right!

Hi. Where'd you go for lunch?

- [groans]
- Polish food.

[groans]

Polish food from Stan's in Hamtramck.

[belches, groans]

Why didn't you and Brad
just have lunch at the mall?

He made plans to eat with Rob.

Wow! His boss
is taking him out to lunch.

- This job is really working out.
- Maybe it's just me,

but l think he's picking up
a lot of bad habits down there.

- Noticed what he does in the morning?
- Couldn't be any worse than you.

- Reading the financial section.
- What's wrong with that?

You don't do that.
You read the sports section first.

Then the comics. And then whatever
that first section's called.

The news.

He's been reading those brochures.
He should be out doing fun things.

- Like what?
- Well, like studying

for those PT- tests.

Or helping you with the hot rod.

Jill, these are Brad's
formative block-sanding years.

This is so sweet.
You're jealous of Rob.

l'm not jealous of Rob.

l just don't want Brad
to become so obsessed with work

- that it takes over his life.
- This is new and exciting to him now.

Once he gets used to it,
he'll calm down.

Then it'll be part of his routine.

Yeah. Kind of like marriage, huh?

When you first get married,
it's exciting.

Then it, you know...
You know, it turns...

lt's not, you know, it's not...

lt's not like that at all.
lt's more... lt's not a job.

lt's more of an adventure.

[phone rings]

[continues ringing]

Why don't l get that?

Hello? Hello, Angela.
You want to talk to Brad, huh? Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh... Listen, Angela.
l know l said l'd be free.

But, uh, Rob asked me
to do inventory tonight.

l don't know.
Maybe next weekend.

Yeah. All right.
Talk to you tomorrow. Bye.

Let me get this straight.

Rather than going out with a beautiful
girl, you would rather count shoes.

lt's a chance to really bump up
my paycheck. So, Dad, ballpark:

How much are you pulling down?

That's a good question.

And if you ever ask me again,
you are out of the ballpark!

When's dinner?

And hello to you too.

We're gonna eat as soon
as Brad gets back from his PMS test.

That's today?

l mean, l just saw Brad through the
window at the sporting goods store.

He was supposed
to leave at noon to take the test.

Well, uh, maybe it wasn't
through the window at the store.

Maybe l saw Brad
through the window at school. Yeah.

That's it. He was taking the test.
He was doing well. Gotta go.

- l knew this job was gonna be trouble.
- l can't believe he didn't take it.

Uh, Sports Universe. This is Brad.

Uh, you're busted. lt's Dad.

What are you doing there? You're
supposed to be taking your PSATs!

Holly was supposed
to take over for me at noon.

But she had to go to the doctor
because she had a tongue rash.

We told you you could take this job

as long as it didn't interfere
with school. Remember?

Look, l can take the PSATs another day.

Rob never even went to college
and he's doing pretty well.

l'm with a customer.
l'll talk to you later.

No, you'll.. He'll talk to us later.

Well, you're right.
Rob is definitely a bad influence.

- l told you he was gonna be trouble.
- Well, what are we gonna do?

Well, since we're in the same house,

l think the first step would be
to stop talking on the phones.

Excuse me.

Whoa!

ls Brad Taylor here?

ls anybody really here?

Or are we all just random combinations
of sub-atomic particles?

# Oooee-ooee-ooee #

Follow me.

l'm looking for a random grouping
of sub-atomic molecules

with blond hair
that looks like my son Brad.

Yeah. Yeah. He went on an errand for
my money-grubbing, capitalist brother.

l'll wait for him. l'll sit
in this fancy little chair here.

Yeah, you break it, you buy it.

[sighs]

[vibrating]

Well, l see you've gotten
to know the chair.

Actually, the chair
just got to know me. Howdy.

l'm Tim Taylor. l'm Brad's dad.

- Hey, the Tool Man!
- Yeah.

A chair like this
would really come in handy

after a hard day
of injuries and explosions.

Well, l didn't come here
to talk about chairs.

- l came here to talk to Brad.
- He's a great kid. l'm Rob.

Yeah. l know who you are, Rob.

You got the Porsche and the ski condo
at Bowie Mountain, you know.

You think working here
is more important than college tests.

What are you talking about?
l never said that.

Well, then why did Brad skip his test
to cover for jolly Holly over there?

- l didn't know he had a test.
- Well, he did.

He doesn't care about that
now that you got his head filled

- with all these crazy ideas.
- Like what?

Well, how about like, ''Rob didn't go
to college. He's doing pretty well.''

Yeah, l'm doing pretty well now.

Brad doesn't know about the
crummy jobs l had before l got here.

Well, maybe it'd be a good idea
if you told him.

l spent two years cleaning bathrooms at
Stan's Polish Restaurant in Hamtramck?

You wouldn't believe
what goes on in there.

Yeah, l would.

You know,
l would never tell Brad that this job

- is more important than college.
- Well, the problem is...

Dad, what are you doing here?

l came down here to tell you
l want you to quit this job.

Because l missed the PSATs? l told you
l would take them another day.

Your dad wants to make sure
you got priorities straight.

Rob, l think l can handle this.

l just want to make sure
you got your priorities straight.

l was gonna say that.

There's nothing more important
than education.

Your dad's right.
Wish l had a better one.

- Rob?
- Sorry.

l'm pretty damn proud of my education.
Not that l flaunt it.

There's a lot of people l've got
convinced l have no education at all.

All right. l made a mistake.

l shouldn't have skipped the test.
l didn't want to let Rob down.

Look, what would let me down
is if you have to quit,

l lose my best sales person.

lf l cared, l'd resent that.

Look, you guys let me know
what you decide, all right?

l'm gonna go over
and give Holly her annual evaluation.

You stink!

Come on, Dad.
Give me one more chance.

l'll take my PSATs,
l'll keep my grades up

and l'll show you
that school comes first.

Great. Aren't you forgetting
one important thing?

- What Mom thinks?
- Who? Mom?

Yeah! Yes! Yes! What your mother thinks.

That, and...

...you know,
working on the hot rod with me.

[laughs] OK, Dad.
l promise no matter how busy l get,

l'll always make time for the hot rod.

That's my boy.

That's my man.

Come on. l'll walk you out.

- [whistling]
- Hey, Wilson.

Well, hidy-ho, Taylor lads.

So, you given up
on rollerblading yet?

Nay, nay, neighbor.
l've been practicing all week.

And if l say so myself,
the results have been bitchin', dude!

- Do you really know how to skate?
- Do l know how to skate?

Watch me.

Wilson, that's amazing.
ls there anything you can't do?

Yeah! l don't know how to stop!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...