05x21 - Engine and a Haircut, Two Fights

[bunniefuu]

(# ''Tool Time'' theme)

Welcome to Green Week
here on Tool Time

That's right. We'll be demonstrating
how you can use recycled material

to build a beautiful home like this.

The walls in this home are made
out of recycled paper.

The studs from recycled old cars.

Studs from old cars.
That clears up the mystery.

l used to be an old car.

All right. Well, we're gonna show you
how you can use old tires

and aluminum cans to build walls.

lt's very simple, actually.
You stack your tires like so.

To stabilize them,
put a little dirt in there... like that.

Making sure to put aluminum cans
in the holes before you put the dirt in.

Use light beer cans,
and your wall's less filling.

Our friends in the animal kingdom
have been using recycled materials

to build their homes
since the beginning of time.

How many friends do you have
in the animal kingdom?

''The hippo's coming over,
bringing a casserole.''

''Oh, look.
l'll play charades with the cheetah.''

You know, the African hornbill
builds his own nest out of his own dung.

That's interesting. lf you go to his house,
you can say this without him getting mad:

- ''Boy! This house smells just like...''
- Tim.

We're gonna finish off our wall with adobe,
which is a mixture of sand, straw and mud.

Just trowel her on.

You can use a trowel
or you can use your bare hands.

Ah!

There's nothing like the feel of fresh adobe
underneath your fingernails.

Pile it on, Al.

l might add that, for you ladies at home,

adobe makes a wonderful mud pack
for the face.

Why don't you show them
how to do that, Al?

l'd love to, Tim.

Don't take apart the flathead. We're not
putting this old motor in the hot rod.

This engine's in better condition
than we thought.

Doesn't matter.
l wasn't gonna use it anyway.

- What kind of engine are we going with?
- l haven't decided yet.

- You haven't decided for five months.
- l'm gonna think about it.

Putting a motor in a hot rod is the most
important decision a man can make.

l thought marriage was.

Well, marriage, engine in a hot rod -
they'll be debating that till the end of time.

- l still think we oughta use this flathead.
- Look, this is a serious hot rod.

lt's gonna need some serious power,
buddy.

- Power isn't everything.
- Bite your tongue, Brad.

This whole car will be retro. We could soup
up this flathead and get plenty of power.

We can't get the same horsepower as we
can get out of a big-block - a , .

We got time to go to Batten Performance.
We'll check out what they're doing.

Oh, l can't go now.
l promised Mom l'd get a haircut.

Hey, great.

Maybe this time you'll let the barber
actually touch the scissors to your hair.

Last time he took off
almost a quarter of an inch.

Quarter of an inch?
l got more hair in my nose than that.

Would you stop bugging me, Dad?
lt's my hair.

- Yeah, but your hair lives in my house.
- Why do we go through this every time?

We wouldn't have to if you'd get a decent
haircut. Get something traditional.

- Like yours?
- Yeah.

What's wrong with my hair?

l hate to tell you, but that look went out

with those machines that played those
round black things on them that spun.

- Record player.
- Ah.

Record player? We were just reading
about that in our history class.

Hi. How did the audition go?
Should l call you Randy or Romeo?

Well, until they make up their mind,
you can call me ''Randy-o.''

What does that mean?

They narrowed it down to three guys,
and the final auditions are Tuesday.

Cool! That is so great!
You're in the final three!

Out of the original four.

Well, l'm sure you're gonna get it anyway.

l don't know. One of those kids has
been the lead in all the school plays.

But l'll bet that he doesn't come
from a theatrical family.

l hate to break this to you, Mom,
but Tool Time isn't exactly great theater.

Even though it does usually end in tragedy.

l'm not talking about your father.
l'm talking about me.

l was the best Juliet ever
at the Hockaday School for Girls.

l was also their best Othello.

l'm sure you were
a very convincing black man.

l'd be happy to rehearse lines with you.

No offense,
but if l'm gonna play a love scene,

l'd rather not do it with someone
who was around when the play was written.

l only hope that you look as good as l do
when you're years old.

Hey, everybody.

l think l just found my Juliet.

Brad, your hair is so, um...

lsn't it cool? l was gonna go
with my usual quarter of an inch,

but at the last second, l decided to go
for something just a bit different.

And you got it.

l was a little nervous at first,
but l think this look's really working for me.

Well, it's interesting.
lt's short, it's long.

lt's got a tail. lt's interesting.

- You don't like it, do you?
- No, l didn't say that.

lt just takes time to get used to.
l'm getting used to it.

l'm sure eventually that l'll like it.

- l'm there. l like it.
- All right.

Who wouldn't like it?

- Hey, everybody.
- Hey, Dad.

What the hell happened to you?

l got a haircut.

- With what? A weed whacker?
- Tim.

- What is this thing?
- lt's a ponytail.

Why did you do that to yourself?

l went to the barber, l saw the picture
and l thought it looked cool.

You look like an idiot.

Just give it some time.
You're gonna get used to it.

- l don't want to.
- You do.

No, l don't. None of your other friends
have haircuts like this.

You're always telling me
not to be like my friends.

l mean, if all my friends jumped
in a lake, would you want me to?

With hair like this, l'd ask you to join in.

- You're real funny.
- l'm not taking you to the hot rod shop.

- Just because of my hair?
- You got it.

- You promised you'd take him.
- No. l don't want to go anymore.

- l don't give a crap about his hot rod.
- Don't talk to me like that.

- l won't talk to you.
- l won't talk to you, either.

- Fine.
- Double fine.

(both) Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine!

Well...

That was mature.

Don't blame him. He's just a kid.

l was talking about you.

- You like that haircut?
- No, but it's no big deal. lt's just hair!

He looks like Pebbles Flintstone!

Tim, what Brad is doing
is perfectly normal for his age.

He's just expressing himself.
He's being an individual.

So, how do we get him to stop?

Why get so whipped up
about something as unimportant as hair?

lt's important. You let him get away
with that, next he wants an earring.

Earrings turn to tattoos,
tattoos to crime.

Crime turns to jail.
And another bad haircut!

Well, l'm glad you're taking
the rational approach.

We should let him get away
with whatever he wants?

- No. l am saying we should pick our fights.
- Well, l'm picking this one.

You're too lenient
because of how you were brought up.

Lenient? Hello!
l was raised in a m*llitary family.

Hello! During peacetime.

Tim, my parents were so strict that none of
us ever had a chance to express ourselves.

- As soon as l left the house, l went wild.
- Yeah.

Your famous bra-less years. Whoa!

You know l did worse stuff.

lt's not the same with boys.
We need to be strict with them.

lf my mother weren't tough,
l'd have gotten in a lot of trouble.

- You did get in a lot of trouble.
- But l had a neat and attractive haircut.

''Farewell, farewell!
One kiss, and l'll descend.''

''Art thou gone so?
love, lord, ay, husband, friend!

l must hear from thee every day in the
hour, for in a minute there are many days.''

Ohh!

Mom, do you think your Juliet
might be a bit over the top?

Look, acting is all about passion!

You have to convey the passion
to the back row of the theater!

With acting like that, don't worry about the
back row. The whole theater'll be empty.

OK, OK. One of my best qualities
as an actress is l can take direction.

So, l'm just gonna take this down a notch,
and let's do it again.

Can l remind you l'm the one
trying out for the play?

Yeah, yeah, l know, l know.
Come on, come on!

''l doubt it not: and all these woes
shall serve for sweet discourses

- in our times to come.''
- ''O God!

''l have an ill-divining soul!

Methinks l see thee,
now thou art below, as one dead...''

You know, me thinketh she stinketh.

- lce-cold pop for my favorite son.
- l'm your favorite son?

Well, you're my last hope.

One son looks like a sumo wrestler.

And the other one's in there
putting moves on his mother.

Dad, l hope you never get mad at me
like you did at Brad.

l won't have to get mad at you like that.

You'll never come home with a haircut
that looks like the back of Mr. Ed.

You're measuring for the new engine?
Obviously, you're not listening to me.

l thought you didn't care about the hot rod.

l don't. lf you want to mess it up by sticking
in the wrong engine, that's your business.

- You won't have my help anyway.
- l don't need it.

- Fine.
- Well, fine.

- Double fine!
- (both) Fine, fine, fine!

Did l mention that you're my favorite son?

''When he bestrides the lazy puffing clouds
and floats upon the bosom of the air.''

''O Romeo, Romeo!

Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Deny thy father and refuse thy name.''

Oh, Wilson. l gotta tell you
you're a much better Juliet than Mom.

Well, thank you, young Randy.
l wouldn't want to disparage another actor,

but at the Greenville School for Boys,
l was known as quite a breathtaking Juliet.

And it wasn't easy playing a love scene
opposite that pimple-faced Herman Dilbert.

You know, l got nothing from him.
lt was like acting with a head of lettuce.

Wilson, could we?

As you wish.

''Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love,

and l'll no longer be a Capulet.''

Well, l guess l'm the one that's no longer
a Capulet. Apparently, l've been replaced.

No, you haven't.
l was just out here rehearsing with Wilson

so l'd be good enough
to rehearse with you.

Jill, l am so sorry.
l had no idea l was usurping your role.

Oh, come on.
You've had your eye on this part all week.

Now, that is not true!

Young Randy came and beseeched me
to step into the role.

You beseeched him?

l didn't beseech anybody!
l don't even know what ''beseech'' means.

No way is Wilson's Juliet better than mine!

You know, the Hockaday Herald said
that my Juliet was so moving

that they didn't even need Romeo.

Ah, well, my school newspaper said
that l was an astonishing Juliet.

- A vision of budding femininity.
- Oh!

Girls?

My audition's tomorrow.
Who will help me?

l will! l will! ''Romeo, Romeo,
wherefore art thou Romeo?''

''Deny thy father and refuse thy name!''

''Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love...

- (Wilson) ''And l'll no longer be a Capulet.''
- ''What's in a name?''

(both) ''That which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet.''

So, Romeo.

Yo, Romeo!

Welcome back to Green Week
on Tool Time

We'll show you how to make your car
environmentally friendly.

First let's talk about how we can reduce
those foul fumes that pollute the air.

You might help out by knocking off
those breakfast burritos.

Getting back to engines,
let's talk about the octane in your gasoline.

lf you're using premium, you may be
using more octane than you need.

You're not getting more power,
just polluting the air.

That's right. ln most cases, octane
is all you need for proper combustion.

Speaking of combustion...
Hold on a second.

Any of you blow up at one of your sons
'cause he came home with a bad haircut?

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah? You?

Yeah.

- You feel like talking about it?
- Sure.

Come on! Give him a Tool Time welcome!
Get the guy down here!

We're supposed to be talking
about the environment.

This is called ''hair'' pollution.

Tim. Tim! Tim!

Tim!

My kid destroyed the environment
of my house with a psycho Barbie haircut.

- Who do we have here?
- Kendall.

Welcome to Tool Time Give him a round
of applause and sit over here, Kendall.

When you get back to engines,
give me a call.

- So, Kendall, tell us about your boy.
- Well, Cloyd's .

Cloyd?

Well, l wanted ''Clem,'' the wife wanted
''Lloyd,'' and we compromised.

- You're kidding, right?
- No.

All right. So, tell us more about the haircut.

When he was , Cloyd came home
with one of those punk haircuts.

The kind with those spikes
sticking out all over.

This is what you do. Just grab him by
the heels and use him to aerate your lawn.

- You're kidding, right?
- Yeah.

(mouthing)

So when he came home
with the bad haircut, you...

l can tell, you laid down the law.

l grounded him till he agreed to get himself
a normal haircut. Boy, was he mad at me.

A kid's gonna be mad at you. Don't worry,
'cause you just want the best for him.

You want him to be someone
you can be proud of.

- That's right, Tim.
- So, he's now.

Years have passed.
How's Cloyd doing now?

Well, it's kinda hard to say.

l haven't heard from him since
he shaved his head and joined that cult.

The wife says they gave him one of those
silly names. Now he's Baba Ram Cloyd.

- You're kidding.
- What do you think?

lt's getting pretty darn hard to tell right now.

Well, unfortunately, l'm not kidding, Tim.

Well...

We'll be right back with Tool Time
after these messages from Binford Tools.

Hi, honey. How's it going?

- l got a problem.
- What's the matter?

Wilson's a more convincing
-year-old girl than l am.

And you think you have the problem?

- ls Brad home?
- He's up in his room.

- Are you gonna yell at him again?
- No.

Calm, rational discussion.

- What are you gonna say?
- l need him to help build the hot rod.

lt's our project.

l don't want him running off with a cult

and calling himself
Baba-Raba-Lama-Ding-Dong-Brad.

(knock at door)

Come in.

Man.
Hey, Brad, are you in here someplace?

Can we talk for a minute?

- lf it's about my hair, forget it.
- lt is about your hair. Now, listen up.

l've been thinking about it,
and l'm able to look past your hair...

right into your bald scalp.

That's OK if that's the look you're going for.

What are you saying?

l'm saying wear your hair
however you want it.

So, you're really OK with it?

l'm OK with it.

Why did you get so crazy about it
in the first place?

'Cause l didn't like what l saw
when l first walked in the house.

Didn't you ever get a haircut
your parents didn't like?

l wanted to, but they wouldn't let me.

At your age,
l would've k*lled to look like Ringo.

Who?

Ringo.

Fab Four. ''Yeah, yeah, yeah.''

Let's move on.

So, you're treating me
the way your parents treated you then.

lt just happens.
Eventually you turn into your parents.

- And one day, you're gonna turn into me.
- Oh, boy.

l'm gonna need a lot of medical insurance.

l need help measuring the chassis
for the new motor. Can you help me?

l guess. But l guess that means
you're going with the big-block?

Yeah, l have to.
Everybody's doing it, you know?

So if everybody jumped in a lake,
you would do it, too?

(grunting) Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where have l heard this before?

We can still soup up the old flathead
and get the power you want.

l mean, look at this guy.
He's got horsepower on that flathead.

(grunting)

- The retro look might work for the hot rod.
- See? lt sounds pretty good.

There's a place in Dundee.
Motor City Flatheads.

- We'll go check them out.
- All right, let's go.

When we get back,
maybe you'll clean up your room?

- l just cleaned it.
- Looks good.

lt's kind of chilly outside.
l suggest you wear a hat, son.

Sorry. l won't wear the hat. But l would
be willing to stop by the barber shop.

- You would?
- Yeah.

We can get you that Ringo cut
you've always wanted.

There's one problem.

We'd have to find a barber old enough
to remember who that guy is.

l hope he gets the part. Don't you think
it would be cool to see Randy as Romeo?

You know, l don't think it's cool
to see Randy as Randy.

Well? What happened?
Did you get the part?

Well, l...

You're afraid l'll want to rehearse with you.

- Will you?
- Did you get the part?

l asked you first.

OK. lf you don't want to rehearse with me,
you don't have to.

- l got the part.
- Oh, please, please, please!

Let me rehearse with you!
l promise l'll be better!

Why get whipped up
over something as unimportant as hair?

lt's important. Let him get away with
the haircut, next he wants an earring.

Earring turn to tattoos,
tattoos to crime. Crime turns to...

(stuttering)

Welcome back to Green Week
here on Home Improvement

No, that would... no, no.

That would be the name
of the show that we do.

- lt's Tool Time
- Tool Time. Tool Time. Tool Time