02x03 - Easter basket

[bunniefuu]

It's alive!

¤ I love you, you love me ¤

But I'm not in love with you.

- I win.
- Where? I can't see.

Here, diagonally.

Pretty sneaky, sis.

- Barney boy, this is the life.
- You said it, Fred.

An entire civilization
not wearing underwear.

You got to love it.

Now, who could that be?

- Yeah?
- Hi. I'm Mr. Rock from Fedexstone.

I got a delivery for Fred Flintstone
from amazonaboulder. Com-pebble.

Sometimes the rock puns don't fit too well.

You want the package or not?

"Dear Fred, I hope this distracted
you long enough.

"Signed, Barney.
P.S. I invented paper. Bitchin!"

Barney! My Pebbles!

You can't catch me, Fred.

Hey, good one, Fred. Good...

Damn it, Fred.
I just wanted some of your f*cking cereal.

Oh, his head always was full of rocks.

A witness. Witnesses!

- The dishwasher.
- My goodness Cretaceous!

- The record player.
- He's off his rocker.

- The bidet!
- Oh, man, the things I've witnessed.

Is he stone cold crazy?
You bet Jurassic.

No more puns!

So he's trying to sell me a tampon
but I said, "It's just a rock... "

and he said,
"Well, duh. Everything's a rock. "

The nerve of some people.

My God!

Lord, please don't stop him
before he kills me.

Fruity Pebbles are an important part
of this complete breakfast.

I'm sorry. There are no Rs.

¤ I love you, you love me ¤

Either way, it's bucks.

Tired of Slip 'n Slide?

Water balloons no fun?
Then get ready for...

the Phyllis Diller Spray-n-Play.

I'm having fun!

I love you, Phyllis Diller Spray-n-Play.

That hurt!

I'm not having fun.

You're gonna have some fun today
with the Phyllis Diller Spray-n-Play.

Go, go, Gadget Hooker-Clean.

Here we will build a great pyramid...

an everlasting testament
to my extreme awesomeness.

Yes, Pharaoh.

But, sir, what will we use
for raw materials?

Your Majesty, we ran out of brown bricks.

It's all good in the 'hood, baby.
Just use yellow bricks.

Running low on yellow,
but there's lots of blue.

No stress.

Your Majesty,
we kind of skipped step ...

and now it's too late to go back.

Come on.

Everything is sort of leaning to the right.

Hope that's cool.

Yes?

Some of the slaves
got into the Space Legos...

and added some satellite dishes
and a big grappling arm...

to the west side of the pyramid.

Whip them!
Whip the piss right out of them.

Yes, sir.

Although that does
sound kind of kick-ass.

Your Majesty?

We're officially out of Legos.

Lots of Duplo blocks, though.

I'll Duplo you in the nut bag. Get out!

Ready for the big unveiling?

Show me, show me, show me.

- What's this?
- Your grave, motherf...

Take that, Tutanhymen.
I hereby declare...

the Funky Space Pyramid of the People
open for business.

Just right.

You won't believe you're
eating Ron Jeremy's butter.

Sydney, where are you?

Sydney, the top-secret device
is in a wall safe in the basement.

I knew your credentials
didn't check out.

Prize-winning cellist, my ass!

Get her.

I love you, Sydney,
but we just can't be together.

Sydney!

Yeah!

Damned kids.

¤ I love you, you love me ¤

Damn right.

Dad, could you kick an angel's ass?

- You're damn right, I could.
- Is that Santa on the roof?

Well, if not, I got a present for him.

Santa! Santa!

My mother-f*cking knee!
Ah, f*ck. sh*t. Ah, f*cking.

f*ck it all to hell.
That hurts like a m*therf*cker.

Dad, what's a scrotum?

- Santa, what happened?
- Bandits, Goku.

They stole my reindeer
and all the presents and my pants.

Christmas is ours.

You'll never get away with this.

I've got five good reasons
for you to shut up.

One, two, three, four, five.

- Dad, who are those guys?
- Kung fu legends.

That's the Little Drummer Boy...

whose mystical drum
conjures demons most foul.

The Nutcracker...

who knows over different
testicle-based att*cks.

And Composite Santa Claus,
who looks like one half Santa...

and one half Frosty the Snowman.

What are Composite Santa's powers?

I don't know, but he freaks me
right the f*ck out.

Intruders!

I will conjure a demon
with my magical drum.

Spirit Ball!

Holy sh*t!

I'll get this one, dad.

- You're not so tough.
- Testicle att*ck number !

My dragon ball.

OK. I got nothing.

Temperatures over
degrees Fahrenheit...

my only weakness.

- We did it.
- Fools!

- Mrs. Santa?
- That's right.

The mastermind behind
this evil att*ck on Christmas is me!

- But why?
- It all started at the North Pole.

I started getting terrible headaches.

Mrs. Claus, are you OK?

At first, I thought it was merely my period...

but that was not the case,
as I hit menopause centuries ago.

Polar radiation forced
an evolutionary change in me.

Now I want revenge.

Darling, no!

Gohan and I need a minute to rest.
It's up to you for now.

- I think one of them popped.
- It's payback time.

Let's b*at her up so bad,
her kids will inherit the bruises.

Yeah. We'll hit her so hard,
she'll starve to death rolling.

She's so ugly, we'll push her face in dough
and make gorilla biscuits.

She's so black,
when she go to night school...

teacher mark her absent.

That's still my wife, guys.

k*ll!

Your nose sh**t lasers?

You didn't think
there was a reason it glows red?

What does yours sh**t?

To think, I wanted to play your games.

She's grown too gigantic and unstable.

Women. Am I right, fellas?

The Tenka'ichi Budokai
is finally complete.

What the f*ck are you talking about?
Was that even English?

What happened to my wife?

This is the last time
I bring presents to Japan.

Sit, Ubu. Sit.
Bad dog.