02x01 - Suck it

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Robot Chicken.

Please welcome
our special guest tonight...

Vice President of Adult Swim
Keith Crofford.

Y'all are doing
a really good job on Robot Chicken.

That's great! So when are we getting
renewed for another season?

I don't know.

You're canceled.

Hi, y'all.
I'm Adult Swim president Mike Lazzo.

The decision of the council
is now fixin' to be heard.

Guilty.

- Guilty.
- You're so friggin' guilty.

- I think we hit something.
- Damn it, damn it, damn it!

Hey, Seth.
What happened to you?

I don't know.

You're renewed.

It's alive!

Damn it!

Thank you, Zaxxon.
Hello, Centipede.

I pledge allegiance to the hag
of the United States of fart.

Is this your child?

He may think saying "fart" is funny...

but by disrespecting America,
he's encouraging terrorism!

Even now, our enemies are searching
for signs of weakness in our great land.

I was just trying to be funny.

America loves a joke...

but not when the punch line is terrorism.

I only put on stars.

Terrorism.

We just voted democrat!

Time to light the Chanukah Menorah, kids.

- What about The Core?
- Could be good.

Thank you for watching
our latest homeland security video.

We will be replacing
the color-coded t*rror1st alert system...

with one that uses rubber duckies.

This one symbolizes "all clear".

His name is Englebert.

Third one this week.
I'm gonna get this bastard!

Come on, honey.
One more push. Big push.

You... whore.

Pablo Rodriguez. Test pilot.

A Mexican barely alive.

Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
We have the technology.

We have the capability to build
the world's first bionic Mexican.

Better than he was before.

Better, stronger, faster.

Seis Million Peso Man,
your country needs you.

Are you ready for your mission?

There's American dollars
we won't see again.

Let he who is without sin
cast the first stone.

Blammo!

Two scoops!

You tweaker.

The best part was when you hit
your nuts on that tombstone.

Who are you?

I am Skater McGee...

the best skateboarder
in all of Western Ohio.

- At least, I was.
- What happened?

I d*ed attempting
the Monster Cookie Pinwheel...

the hardest trick
in skateboard history.

- No way!
- Yes! As a matter of fact, way!

Pay close attention.
Skater McGee does not repeat himself.

- What'd you say?
- I said, "Skater McGee does not... "

The Monster Cookie Pinwheel...

is when you skate up the front
of the locomotive's cowcatcher...

punk-buster to the second car...

hit a lemonade handstand
on the third car...

a whipping post ollie to the fourth car.
A demon stomper on the fifth car...

and a gleaming the cube off the sixth car,
before dismounting the train.

I failed hideously...

but it's not too late
for you young gentlemen...

to become gods of skateboarding.

Oh, yeah!

Monster Cookie Pinwheel!
Monster Cookie...

Thank you for getting rid
of those skateboarders.

- They were ruining our cemetery.
- You're welcome, Mr. Mayor.

They don't call me
Skater McGee for nothing.

What will you do now?

I'm going on to the next town
to k*ll more teenagers.

You're doing God's work,
Skater McGee.

- Hey, Paul. Didn't see you there.
- Hey, Frank.

It's a hell of a pounding
we're taking today.

Tell me about it. Getting our asses
handed to us on a silver platter.

- I know.
- There goes Carl.

He had two kids, right?

Three, boy and two girls.
I'm their godfather.

- Sorry.
- Yeah.

There goes Gene in his UFO again.
Big help he is.

Did you know
he has his own mini-fridge in there?

- What?! What a d*ck.
- Tell me about it.

Jeez!

- Frank?
- Yeah.

- I'm going in.
- Paul, that's crazy talk.

I don't care. I'm not gonna die this way.

- Paul?
- Yeah.

- You go, I go. I'm coming with you.
- I love you, man.

- Back at you.
- For glory!

- We did it!
- We won!

- We did it.
- Wait, wait.

Our alien bodies can't handle
the strange bacteria here.

- We're dying!
- Oh, my God, Paul! Really?

No. Don't be stupid.

- You!
- I did it!

- Yeah.
- It's me.

- You got me again.
- I got you.

So TARDIS stands for
"Time and Relative Dimensions in Space. "

Nerd!

So, where you from?

Man, I wish unicorns were real.

That would be so cool.

So... cool.

Oh, my gosh!
They do exist!

Come with me.
Let's have fun adventures together!

You don't have to ask me twice.

It's everything I've ever dreamed!

In the magical land of unicorns...

there's no need for clothing.

- Whatever you say!
- No, no, no.

Take it off slowly. Yes.

That pleases me.

- Polish my magic horn.
- OK.

And then what happened?

If you polish a unicorn horn long enough...

it gives you magical unicorn mayonnaise.

That's what I used to make
these sandwiches.

I'll take some oranges, amigo.

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

¤ That's the way they all became
The Brady Bunch ¤

All lies. The perfect family
was really the perfect cover.

- This tastes different today.
- Alice added pee.

Peas.

I was a housewife with a maid.

Took you this long to figure out
what I was doing all day?

Like I cared about you
and the rent-a-kids anyway.

Here's a better story
of a bloody lady who's dead!

Who's f*cking dead.

Is that the door? I'm waiting
for Davy Jones to answer my letter.

My nose!

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha!
How come she gets blown up and I don...?

Mommy, Kitty Karry-all
says lips are cute...

and recommends corrective surgery.

No. We wouldn't go to hell
because she's not really our sister.

So these feelings are natural?

No!

Damn you, Tiki idol!

Well, I guess someone liked my peas.

Ask us the sex question.

Now that the kids are gone,
the sex has never been better.

I agree.

All right, Keith, get your ass in here.