07x16 - Bitch Pudding Special

[bunniefuu]

[Whimsical music plays]

Even on cloudy days,

Pastryville always
had a ray of sunshine,

and her name was
Granny Gramcrackers.

Remember when she knit
your favorite scarf,

Black Cherry Pie?

I wear it every day,
Raspberry Parfait.

And, Fudge Turnover,

remember when she
fixed your leaky roof?

She got heatstroke and
fell into the hedges.

While you watched
"Tango & Cash" on Netflix!

Yes.

While I watched
"Tango & Cash" on Netflix.

And, Buttermilk Biscuits,

I remember when Granny drove you
all the way to the big city to get...

No. Nope. Mnh-mnh.

...your tonsils out?

Yeah, you're unborn tonsils.

[Clears throat]

Now... then... if there
are no more speakers...

Great!

Then, in conclusion...

[speed-metal music plays]

W-we were just wrapping
up here, Bitch Pudding.

[Feedback]

I remember Granny.

[Voice breaking]
I remember her smile.

I remember how much she
loved baking sugar cookies.

ALL:
Ahh!

But most of all, I remember
her rank-ass old-lady farts.

[All gasp]

Oh, god.

This bitch had no sense of
smell, no sense of hearing,

so all day long,

she was like "Pbht!" "Pbht!"
"Pbht!" "Pbht!"

"Pbht!" "Pbhhhhhht..."

Okay.
[Chuckles nervously]

That's enough...

And when you're a
hundred years old,

I guess panties are
just an afterthought.

I mean, raise your hand if you
never saw Granny airing out the

ark of the covenant.

[Mourners gasp]

I hope Granny is in heaven,

but she had a
gambling addiction,

so Satan might be
doing her up the butt.

[Mourners gasp]

Knock twice if Satan's doing
you up the butt, Granny.

[Old-lady voice]
I love it up the butt from Satan, everybody!

[Normal voice]
You rule, Granny!

[Laughs evilly]

- [Thumping]
- [Mourners gasp]

Ha ha!

Now hit my f*cking theme song!

[Heavy-metal
music plays]

[Mourners gasp, murmur]

[Clears throat]

Now, then...

♪ Dunh-duh-duh-dunnnnnnh ♪

Bitch Puddin'.

Blam!

[Video-game music plays]

[Cackling]

Yeah, suck it.

You have saved my village!

Aah!

You mean my village.

[Thunder crashing]

Aw!

Unh!

[Groggily]
Augh. Where?

[Folksy voice]
Oh, sounds like my cargo just woke up!

Hey!

You're that damn bird
that delivers our mail.

You bet your feathers.

But tonight, I'm gettin' paid
to make a special delivery.

Neither rain nor sleet nor snow
will keep your ass out of that

volcano.

[Laughs]

Adios, Bitch... Pudding.

Glurk! Ooh! Aah!

You flying turd!

Who hired you?

[Choking]
You k*ll me, we both die.

Good point, jizz cloth.

But, on the other hand...

Ow!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

Ohhhhhhhh!

Fucky! f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!

Fucky! f*ck! f*ck!

Ow! Ow!

f*ck! f*ckity f*ck!

Ow! Oh! Ow! Oh!

f*ck! f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!
f*ck! f*ck!

Fuuuuuuuuck!

f*ck! f*ck!
f*ckity! f*ck! f*ck!

Oh f*ck! f*ck!

m*therf*cking m*therf*cker!

Ow! Ow!

f*ck me!
Oh, god!

f*cking f*cking

sh*t! Ow!
f*ck!

Ohhh!

Fuuuuuuuck!

[Magical music plays]

Who is she?

Grandpappy will know.

Please, stop talking.

Your voice is
irritating as sh*t!

How rude!

Well, she's not wrong.

Who is that?

Welcome to Schlorptown,
stranger!

We are the Schlorps.

And my name is
Grandpappy Schlorp.

Are you in charge
of this sh*thole?

You see anyone else
with a beard around here?

We should Schlorp the
"Get to know you" song!

[Laughter]

No.

[Peppy music plays]

ALL: ♪ If you get to know me,
then I'll get to know you ♪

♪ Once you're in my group,

you're a friend
through-and-through ♪

♪ I'm Fishing Pole Schlorp,
and I catch all the fish ♪

♪ I'm Basketball Schlorp ♪

♪ Watch this! ♪

ALL:
Swish!

♪ I'm I. B.S. Schlorp ♪

♪ You'll find me
in the stalls ♪

♪ I'm Wintertime Schlorp ♪

♪ I'm sweating off my balls ♪

♪ I'm the Schlorp
who come from China ♪

♪ I'm the Schlorp
with a vag*na ♪

♪ I'm the Schlorp
who plays kazoo ♪

♪ I'm the Schlorp
who knows Kung Fu ♪

So sorry!

ALL:
♪ So, how about it, stranger ♪

♪ Tell us all about you ♪

♪ Shut the f*ck u-u-up! ♪

[discordant note plays]

[Stomach growls]

Oh, god!

I'm not gonna make it.

I'm not gonna make it.

I'm not gonna make it.

[Farts, squirts]

Aw. I didn't make it.

Ow, you old bastard!

There you go. Good as new.

Ah, Schlorpette.

Is that the Schlorp nut soup
for our guest?

Yes, but this is the
last of our Schlorp nuts.

They're all gone.
- Aww.

The last of the Schlorp nuts.

And with winter on its way...

[slurps]

This tastes like moose d*ck!

[Bowl shatters]

I got to go home!

Some assh*le tried to k*ll me,

so that assh*le's gonna
get my boot up his assh*le.

With the Schlorp nuts gone,

our village faces starvation.

You see, the nuts were stolen
by the evil squirrel wizard

on one tree hill.

[Scoffs]

It was called that
before the show.

This squirrel sounds
like a p*ssy.

Then perhaps we can make a deal.

Bring our nuts home and
we help get your butt home.

[Moans loudly]

SQUIRREL WIZARD:
Who dares disturb the sa...

Blam!

Haungh, haungh, hungh!

Lick my taco, Squirrel Wizard.

Give those dicks
their nuts back!

Bitch Pudding!

That's not the Squirrel Wizard!

Huh?
Who the hell is it?

Trevor? Trevor?!

Oh, my god! Trevor!

His life partner.

Yuh-oh.

Rrrrrrrrrrah!

Aaaaaah!

Squirrel alert!

Squirrel alert!

Rrrrrrrrrgh!

Ohh!

Suck on this!

Suck on this!

Suck on this!

Ow! Ooh! Ow!

Can't stay.
Gotta go. Blam.

Stay and fight, coward!

Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai! Ai!

Whew. Safe.

[Gurgles]

Oh, sh*t!

They're getting massacred.

Who cares about
those purple peckers?

They never should
have trusted me.

Or...

or helped me?

NARRATOR: And at that moment,
Bitch Pudding's heart

grew three sizes bigger.

Uh, metaphorically.

You know, you'll just have
to take my word for it.

Die, you miserable Schlorps!

And when you meet God, slap
that m*therf*cker in the face,

because existence is nothing but
his cruel joke on all of us!

BITCH PUDDING:
Sorry, spunk sponge!

The Schlorps are
under my protection!

[Coughs]

Uh... starting now!

[Action music plays]

Ooh!

Blick!

- Oh!
- Suck it!

Oh! Blam! Blam!
Blam! Blam! Blaaaam!

Aaah!

[Neck cracks]

Aah, Trevor!

Punch! Punch!

Ba-ba-ba-blam!

Unh!

[Sobbing]
Trevor!

My fuzzy little angel!

Just do it! End me!

Use any death spell you choose!

Just say the magic words
and end my pain!

Abracadabra.

Agh!

Eat sh*t.

My Schlorps...

Gone. All gone.

As your champion,
a eulogy is probably in order.

[Clears throat]

What can be said...

Ow!

[Airplane engine whirs]

Huh? Where? What?

On behalf of
"f*ck You Airlines,"

go f*ck yourself.

Aaaaaaaaagh!

Oooooh!

Unh! Unh! Unh!

I-I...

I'm... home.

What the f*ck!

Toss Bitch Pudding
in the volcano

and win a prize!

Volcano-fried Bitch
Pudding on a stick.

I hate you, Bitch Puddin'!

[Bell dings]

They were all in on it!

The whole town tried
to k*ll me?!

♪ She made our lives
a living hell ♪

♪ So nasty and so mean ♪

♪ And when Bitch Pudding
hit the lava ♪

♪ You should have
heard her scream ♪

The first annual
"Bitch Pudding Is Dead" Festival

has been a rousing success!

For generations to come,
we will...

[sniffs]

Hey, guys, do you smell smoke?

[People murmuring]

[All screaming]

Oh, sh*t!

The door won't open!

[Pounding on door]

Aaaaaaah!

All together, now.

ALL:
One! Two! Three!

Oh! Oh!

[Dramatic music plays]

Blam.

[All screaming]

[Moaning]

Remember when I said
I'd sh**t you last?

I have absolutely
no memory of that.

Must have been a fantasy I
had when I was masturbating.

f*ck you, Bitch Pudding.

[Heavy-metal music plays]

BITCH PUDDING:
So that's my story.

I probably should have done a
voiceover through the whole

thing, but I didn't
feel like it.

Now, the only question is...

what does the future hold?

Bitch Pudding.

You have become a part
of a larger Universe.

[Action music plays]

♪ Dunh-duh-duh-dunnnnnnh ♪

Blam!

What a bitch.

Stupid monkey!