05x18 - Fool's Goldfinger

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Robot Chicken". Aired: February 20, 2005 –present.*
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American adult animated comedy with a series of pop-culture parodies about everything.
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05x18 - Fool's Goldfinger

Post by bunniefuu »

[ Thunder crashing ]

[ Drilling, sawing ]

[ Electricity crackling ]

It's alive!

In a survival situation,

you can find water
inside of a cactus.

[ Shink! ]

[ Funky music plays ]

Oh, I just can't
figure this thing out.

What's a VDV anyway?

How about now, grandma?!

Oh, I see, this is
the port for the HDMI jack

and not the output for the
coaxial cable interface.

Right it is.

[ Australian accent ]
From the makers of Guitar Hero

comes a new game where the
fun just Didgeri-don't stop!

Get ready for
"Didgeridoo Hero."

Rock amazing concerts on the

sun-swept plains
of Australia...

[ Didgeridoo plays ]

Blow it!

Blow that didge!

Do the didge!

You're the best, dude!

[ Australian accent ]
Master the art of Didgeridoo

to classics like,
"Ho ho the Banyan Tree,"

"That's not a Kn*fe,"

and Metallica's
"Enter Sandman."

[ Didgeridoo plays ]

[ Glass shatters ]

[ Dogs bark, cats yowls ]

[ Car alarm sounds ]

Order now and get a free tube

of Aboriginee face paint

made from iron ore
and duck droppings!

[ Didgeridoo plays ]

Go buy "Didgeridoo Hero!"

Anyone can Didgeri-do it!

Send in the next candidate
for building the b*mb.

Great Scott!

My name is Dr. Emmett Brown.

My résumé is in here somewhere.

"Attended M.I.T.,
inventor, professor ."

it says here you're inventing
a time machine?

Not to worry.
It doesn't run on Plutonium.

Definitely don't need
Plutonium for the time machine.

Your crazy hair makes
you look smart, like Einstein.

[ Chuckles ]

But Einstein was a Jew!

That's why I named
the dog Einstein.

Oh, that's good.

I've actually been sending
einstein on some trial runs

in the time machine that needs

Plutonium-- doesn't
need Plutonium.

I don't have a time machine.

Now let me ask you a question
about the Plutonium.

Does it fit in the engine
valve of a DeLorean?

I like this guy.

I have a good
feeling about him, too.

Congratulations!

We have chosen you
to build the b*mb!

Great! Let me just
get that Plutonium

and I'll be back in five
minutes with your b*mb.

And here you go.

Here's your b*mb. Nice working
with you guys! See you later.

Hey, this looks exactly
like the pinball machine

from the staff lounge.

Damn it!

Let it be known
that I d*ed for your--whoa!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

You're not like
the other boys, Edward.

That's because
I'm actually years old.

And all that time, I've been
waiting for you, Bella.

[ Sighing ] Oh!

[ Horns honking ]

Uh, do you know
the speed limit's like ?

Do you know that
every time you get behind

the wheel of a car you're
driving a lethal w*apon?

I love you.

[ Honking continues ]

Bella says you've got
crazy powers.

That true?

Sure is.
Try this on for size.

Whoa! Two bits!

You should be an accountant.

You've got a real
head for money.

...And the bishop
was charged with statutory r*pe

due to the girl's young age.

Ugh, isn't that
so disgusting?

Meh.

I bet he eats dinner at : .

Cut it out, Molly!
You're ruining it!

Hello, I'm Lady Gaga.

Are you sick of boring,

run-of-the-mill babysitters?

Then maybe it's time
for Goo-Goo Gaga,

the premiere avant-garde
babysitting service from Gaga.

The evening's entertainment

begins with song, dance,
and tribal masks.

When you return home, you'll
find your baby sleeping soundly,

dangling from the ceiling,

covered in menstrual blood.

I'm wearing a diaper made
of dirty angel farts.

Ooh la la. Goo-goo Gaga.

There are sides to me
that you'll never understand.

More of your favorite
fried Pterodactyl, Fred?

Yabba dabba...
Yes or no.

[ Flying saucer hums ]

[ Crash! ]

Hello, I'm the great Gazoo!

Aah! I-I-it's a god!

It's a green god!

H-here, take her!

Take my wife!

Please, there are
children present.

He wants our children!

Forgive me, Betty!

Whoa, whoa!

I'm no Roman Polanski.

Then let this animal
sacrifice appease

your holy rage!

[ Barks, gurgles ]

I-I just wanted
to go on adventures.

Our god is weak!

k*ll it! k*ll it!

[ Crying ]

What an unfitting end

for such an important
peripheral character.

Yabba dabba [ Bleep ] you!

[ Straining ]

[ Funky music plays ]

[ Cheering ]

[ Laughter ]

You ever notice
how red bone marrow

performs hematopoiesis
like this--

[ Dainty voice ]
Oh, I'm eating

a little bit of blood.

I'll have a little of that.

[ Normal voice ]
But brown bone marrow

performs hematopoiesis
like this!

[ Aggressive voice ]
Oh! Oh, yeah!

[ Munching ]

[ Telephone rings ]

Chuck! It's your cousin
Marvin Berry.

You know that new sound
you've been looking for?

Well, listen to this!

That's "Johnny B. Goode"!

I just laid it down last week!

Mother [ Bleep ] stole my song!

Keep him there!
I'm minutes away!

[ Receiver slams ]

Chuck? You gonna
pee on me or what?

And if one of your
kids accidentally

sets fire to the
living room rug--

Who's the mother [ Bleep ]
been stealin' my songs?!

Chuck Berry?!

How the [ Bleep ]
do you know my name, man?!

You're only one of the
biggest rock stars in history.

Mm, really?

Oh, hey, there.
How you doin', young lady?

[ Moans ]

[ Twinkle! ]

All right!

Oy, my tuchas!
Ethel! Ethel!

Oh, Shlomo, Shlomo!

You won't believe this tsuris!


We've got moths!

Oy...vey.

[ Funky music plays ]

Are you a dog?

[ Dog barks inquisitively ]

How many times has this
happened to you?

You're out on the street.

Then a dog you know walks by.

But before you can finish
your conversation,

your owner drags you away.

Not anymore.

Veringular announces
the new dogphone.

[ Dogs barking ]

[ Dog barking ]

[ Dog barking ]

[ Dogs barking ]

And that's not all.

Dogphone now comes
with free voicemail.

You have messages.

[ Dog barking ]

Veringular--bringing
dogs together.

[ Engine roaring ]

[ Crash! ]

[ Dolphin chatters, gasps ]

[ Monitor beeps ]

Not so [ Bleep ]
smart now, are we?

I am going baaaaack to the sea!

Back to the sea!

[ Thunder crashes ]

Great Scott!

I'm all out of Plutonium.

How am I ever going
to generate enough

gigawatts to get home again?

Great Scott!

Can you turn that up?

Jiggawhat?

Jiggawho?

Is that Huey Lewis?

No, man.

Chuck Berry?

Zz Top, maybe?
That's Jay-z, man.

That's famous enough for me.

And apparently he's got
the gigawatts I need!

It's the Roc! Yeah.
With the Doc!

Jigga on
the future flow

Got you unravelin'
you stuck in the present

Jigga time-travelin'

"J" on that next-ish
you move slow-mo

Came out the Lexus
hopped in the De-lo

Movin' so fast

You be askin', "Why, kid?"

Go back in the past

Love your moms
like Mcfly did

Rappers better
head home

Else it'll be a m*ssacre

All you got's a microphone

We got flux capacitor

You can let a g*n blow
Oh, but you'll never test

Shawn we already know, got
Bulletproof vests on

You can never catch us ♪

You be movin' so slow

We escaped the Libyans

Going double ocho

Yeah

Done that, been there

All over the timeline

Two M.C.'s
squared equals "E," ♪

Dog, Einstein

That dog okay?

He's more of a
guinea pig than a dog.

Yo, "B," hit 'em with
that futuristic hook!

Our future's
bri-I-I-ght

So hot!

Your future's no-o-o-ot

Great Scott!

We got those jumpin'

Jumpin',
jumpin' jiggawatts

Jiggawatts
Jiggawatt?

We're hotter than

.

That's a lot! [ Laughs ]

We've got
those jumpin',

Jumpin',
jumpin' jiggawatts

Jiggawatt? Jiggawho?

Invested my money right

There's nothin'
I can't afford

You can try to skate
through life

Hova got a hoverboard

So crisp, take a whiff

Rock my Calvin's on tour

You be smellin' like biff

Whoa! I hate manure!!

Fulfill my density

Now we in the trigger spot

Jay, time to hit me!

I'll give you
all the Jiggawatts

[ Thunder crashes ]

Yeah, jigga.

I know who's gonna win
the NBA championship in .

you may not even be alive.

[ Laughs ]

I know your grandkids'
grandkids.

I'm so official!

Ba-bawk bawk bawk

Ba-bawk bawk bawk

Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk

Ba-bawk bawk bawk

Ba-bawk bawk bawk

Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk

Ba-bawk bawk bawk

Ba-bawk bawk bawk

Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk

Ba-gawk! Bawk.

Stoopid Monkey.
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