01x16 - Nightmare Generator

[bunniefuu]

It's alive!

Flip the switch!

The governor just called!
This man is innocent!

- Aw.
- Boo.

All right, show of hands.
Flip it anyway?

Wait, wait! What?!

k*ll him!

-Mary- in pursuit of...
Hold on!

Whoo-hoo! TRL is awesome!
I love Sway!

TRL in Times Square
on MTV is the best!

Sway rules!
Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

Welcome back to TRL.
As I promised...

I present to you Usher!

Oh, my gosh! I love Usher!

Whoo-hoo! Usher's awesome!
He doesn't wear a shirt...

Whoo-hoo! All right, guys,
I'll see you later!

Whoo-hoo!
To Grand Central Station!

Whoo-hoo! People call it
Grand Central Station...

but it's really
Grand Central Terminal!

It's awesome! Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo! Keep the change!

Foreign cabbies rock!
The fare was $ ...
: : , --] : : ,
and I totally gave him ,
and that's awesome!

'Cause immigrants need money!
Whoo-hoo!

Metro North's
Hudson River line rules!

I saved $ on a monthly pass.
And somebody smells! Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo! Mom's mashed potatoes
are the greatest!

There's some carrots and peas
in there, too!

Mom and Dad aren't fighting
tonight, and that's awesome!

I already finished my homework.
That rocks! Whoo-hoo!

Whoo-hoo!
I'm all tucked into bed...

and I said my nightly prayers,
'cause God is awesome!

Whoo-hoo! And now I'm gonna
drift off to sleep 'cause I'm...

dreaming...

I gotta... whoo-hoo.
: : , --] : : ,
Gotta... go to bed...

whoo-hoo.

Whoo. Hoo.

More butter! More butter!
: : , --] : : ,
More butter! Oh, yeah! Yeah!

Give it, give it, give it!
I gotta put it in my...

Oh, yeah, butter!

Excuse me,
but if your people...

built this wall
to keep King Kong out...

well, then why build a door
large enough for him to get through?

For that matter,
kong's a giant monkey.

I mean, why can't he just
climb over the wall?

The new fall TV season
is starting...

and The Insider has the scoop
on all the new series.

P.S. To the competition...
go [Bleep] yourselves.

This year's Amazing Race
will be more amazing than ever...

now that religious deities
are joining the action.

Oh, Jesus, please help us!

Jesus!
: : , --] : : ,
I'm here.
: : , --] : : ,
I've brought you
a tire iron, my son.

Praise Jesus!

Mr. Christ,
please help steer this camel.

Oh, Lord Jesus, we could
really go for some cab fare.

Whoo-hoo!
Buddha's the way to go, jackass!

Buddha's all up in your grill!

Tired of their liberal shenanigans,
FOX owner Rupert Murdoch...

fired Simpsons creator
Matt Groening...

and promises same show,
brand new attitude this season.

Morning, Apu.

One order of freedom fries,
please.

Oh, for the love
of my heathen god.

They're called french fries,
you fat, stupid American!

Department of homeland security!
Don't move!
: : , --] : : ,
But...

Happy birthday, America!

Mmm. I hope Apu
has learned his lesson.

I am so sorry
I ever dared question...

the wisdom and strength
of the United States of America.

Damn straight! Yee-haw!

Uh-oh. J-Lo's new beau
is a no-go on the phone-o.

But take it from P.O.,
her new line of Day-Glo Faygo...

will make fans say, "Ho-o-o!"

And now we enter day three...

of our Kirsten Dunst
headache watch.

Kiki's representatives insist
the megastar is just fine...

but eyewitness accounts
say otherwise.

I saw Kirsten Dunst
in the duty-free store...

buying Tylenol... a lot of it.

Even medical experts agree.

Well, a headache
could be indicative...
: : , --] : : ,
of a failed movie deal.
Or possibly a pregnancy!

Time now
for celebrity birthdays.

Diff'rent Strokes star
Conrad Bain is .

Adult film star Ron Jeremy
is .

And comedy trailblazer
Fatty Arbuckle is .

At least he would be
if he wasn't [Bleep] worm food.

In your face, Fatty Arbuckle...

you fat, filthy, [Bleep],
[Bleep], [Bleep], [Bleep]...

fat [Bleep] [Bleep]!

Finally tonight, the fans
have been waiting for weeks...
: : , --] : : ,
to learn the winner of our
Win Russell Crowe's Trash Contest.
: : , --] : : ,
The grand prize goes
to Mrs. Carmelita Caylo...

of Nyack, New York.

Oh, it's here!
It's here! It's here!

Oh, oh!

It's Russell Crowe's underwear!

Oh, hallelujah!

Hey, hey, hey. A little help?

Ladies, can I interest you
in some big balls?

Aw, I'm so ugly and fat!

That's what I've been
trying to tell you.

So, who does what now?

I'm gonna [Bleep] that pig.

Here I come, baby.

Today, my son,
you will become a man.

You're gonna teach me
how to k*ll, Papa?

No, more important than that.

I'm going to teach you
to poop on things.

I'm ready, Papa. I had
spicy sausage for breakfast.

Oh, excellent.
Now, who do you think...

will make your best target?

On that man's head, Papa?

No, son.
Now, that is too obvious.

Pick again.
: : , --] : : ,
In there, Papa?

No, my son. For he is a child,
and children are innocent.

On the expensive
sports car, Papa?

No, no. For it is white...

and our poop would not
show up well on it.

Think harder, my son.

In there, Papa.

Yes, yes, my son!
Excellent! Excellent!

Now, let me see what you can do!

OK.

Did I do good, Papa?

Yes. Yes, my son.

You made me very proud.

And come on! I mean,
there can't just be one Kong.

There's got to be others.

La la la, I can't hear you!

That's not another monkey
climbing over the wall, la la!

- Excuse me.
- Ass!

One side. Smurfing through.

Papa Smurf needs
to see me right away.

- Official business.
- Douche.

Papa Smurf! Papa Smurf!

I smurfed here
as fast as I could.

Brainy, Baker Smurf
has been m*rder*d!

But... but... but how?!

I was right on the verge
for a while...

but then seeing you
do it made me...

Someone stuffed Baker
with cream filling...

until he was ready to burst,
then smurfed him at degrees.

This could not be more horrible.

I stand corrected.

What's going on, Brainy?

It is my solemn duty
to inform you...

that Baker Smurf
has been smurfed.

More importantly, Papa Smurf
has placed me in charge...

of the investigation.

Papa Smurf is always right...

and Papa Smurf knows I'm
the most educated Smurf, so it...

Mothersmurfer.

How do I never see that coming?

You're the most likely suspect,
Gargamel.

Preposterous!

I want to turn Smurfs into gold,
not k*ll them.

I thought you wanted
to eat the Smurfs.

Actually, I've never been
all that clear on my motivations.

At any rate,
I just got back from Branson...

so my alibi is solid.

If Gargamel didn't do it,
who did?

Brainy, there's been
another m*rder!

[Bleep] smurfing [Bleep]!

The comb is in his...

And... and the lipstick is...

I can't look!

Wait a minute. Baker Smurf
was a fat-assed pig in life.

And look how he d*ed.

Vanity was a primping,
preening pretty-boy.

Gluttony, vanity.

Lazy Smurf was horrifically
mutilated in his Barcalounger.

Sloth.

Our k*ller is mimicking
the seven deadly sins.
: : , --] : : ,
But what sins still remain?
: : , --] : : ,
The sin of lust, for one.

Papa, Brainy...

Chronic Masturbator Smurf
was just found...

with his wang chopped off
and stuffed up his Smurf hole!

But we still don't have
any suspects.

Go get Smurfette.
Maybe a little massage...

will help us concentrate.

- Happy ending?
- Happy ending.

Smurfette?

Hello?

Smurfette, are you here?

Oh, Brainy!
: : , --] : : ,
Hi, Brainy.

Oh, no, Jokey.
Your sick sense of humor...

your total disregard
for Smurf safety...

your Se en movie
trading card collection.

You're the k*ller!

I got you a present!

What's in the box, Jokey?
What's in the box?

It's a surprise!

No!

Oh, Smurfette, no!

Surprise!

What the [Bleep]
is wrong with you?

Nice work, Brainy.

Now we just gotta find her body.

Just because
you're a headless corpse...

doesn't mean we can't have
some fun, Smurfette.