03x20 - The Election

[bunniefuu]

[Bird chirping]

See, I didn't hurt him.

Boy: all right! Come on!

Come on, willy!

Girl: hey! Come on.

Second girl: hey,
you guys, stop it!

[Indistinct chatter]

Hey, look who's coming.

Get out of here.

Did you bring them?

I brought two.

Give me them. I'll
scare him good.

And get us sent home?

Nah, you fret too much.

All right.

Hey, elmer.

Elmer.

Open your mouth
and close your eyes,

Then I'll give you
something to make you wise.

Ha ha! Oh, what an idiot!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

That's awful!

It's just a worm.

That's what's awful!

Worms ain't bad.

They're good for your
garden, and fish like them.

Good for you, huh, elmer?

You're a good guy, elmer.

Have a seat. Ha!

Let's go!

[Boys laughing]

They're dirty mean.

If I were you, I'd give
them both black eyes.

Oh, I ain't much for
hurting anybody.

It ain't christian-like.

Oh, I'd do unto them!

Well... Well, they're...
They're my friends.

They wouldn't do it if
they weren't my friends.

Old elmer... Dumbest
kid in walnut grove.

Dumbest kid in the whole world.

Can't even find his own elbow.

Oh, class... Just a reminder

Before we have
our spelling lesson.

This afternoon in
history civics class,

We'll be holding nominations
for class president.

[Students talking at once]

Miss beadle: yes, kenny?

Girls don't get to vote,
do they? Women can't.

Well, we sure do!

Miss beadle: class,
just a minute!

Kenneth, the women have won
the right to vote in wyoming.

So, the girls will vote
in our class election.

[Students talking at once]

And we'll win!

There are more girls than boys.

[Students talking at once]

Class! That's quite
enough talking!

Let's get on with
our spelling lesson.

It ain't fair!

A girl can't be president
of the united states,

She shouldn't be allowed
to be president of the class.

Oh, never mind what's fair.

We got to figure out a way to
beat the girls in the election.

You don't even know
who they'll nominate.

I can guess. Look who's
running for her pa's store.

Yeah, she's always just
grabbing for everything.

There's still more of
them than there are us.

They'll stomp us good.

I got an idea.

Come on. We're gonna need help.

Come on.

All right. There,
darling. Now, how's that?

I need sour balls.

Kate and jenny are
partial to sour balls.

Oh.

I want some sour balls, too...

And some licorice...

Willie, we know that you're
going to vote for your sister.

Not if I don't get
some sour balls...

[Sighs] oh, very well.

And some licorice sticks.

All right!

Willie!

It's all right, nels.

He has my permission.

And a mouthful of rotten
teeth to go along with it.

[Scoffs]

All right, children,
go on back to school.

Hurry up. Here, go on. Scat.

You know what the
dentist in mankato said,

And I paid dearly for the words.

Nels, this is different.

This is just good politics.

What?

Well, your daughter
is going to be

Elected president
of the school. Ha ha!

Now I have to see to the roast.

Lettin' 'em have
candy all the time.

When they have
all theirs pulled,

We'll just let them
borrow your teeth.

What did you say, nels?

Oh, I just said that, uh...

That roast... I just bet
that's a good piece of beef.

All right, class. Time
for the nomination.

[Students talking at once]

Now, we're going to hold our
election just like the national election...

The one that gave us rutherford
b. Hayes for our new president...

And we start with nominations,

And then the candidates
will have weeks to campaign,

And then we'll
have our election.

I'm going to vote democrat.

Miss beadle: kenneth.

There'll be no political
party, only candidates.

And the girls will win.

[Students talking at once]

Class! You will speak
only with permission,

Or we'll have no election.

All right, that's better.

All right, the floor is
now open for nominations.

I nomma... Nomma...

"Nominate."

Yeah.

My sister wants to be president.

All right. Does anyone
second the motion?

Psst!

Psst!

Psst!

I second the nomination.

Fine.

Nellie.

Nellie: miss beadle?

Yes, nellie.

I move that the
nominations be closed.

Students: you can't do that!

Uh, nellie, we need more than
one candidate for an election.

See?

Do we have any
other nominations?

Yes, jim.

I nominate mary ingalls.

[Students talking softly]

Uh, does anyone second
the motion? Steve.

I second the nomination.

Fine.

Do we have any
other nominations?

I got one, miss beadle.

Elmer dobkins!

[Students laugh]

Boy: yeah, I second it.

Good old elmer for president.

We need one boy to
run against the girls.

[Laughter]

Why didn't you
nominate me faster?

I forgot, and anyways, you
didn't give me enough gumdrops.

That's ok. I can get more.

Jim, thanks for nominating me.

Oh, that's all right.

It was just nice, you
being a boy and all.

Just trying to be fair.

Well, thanks. See ya!

See ya!

[Boys laughing]

All right.

"Just trying to be
fair." That's a good one!

Dumb elmer for president.

It's got to be the funniest
thing that ever happened.

It'll be funnier when he wins.

Yeah, it'll prove that a
boy don't know nothing

Is better than
the smartest girl.

We can't lose. With
the girls running,

They'll split the girls' votes,

And all the boys
will vote for elmer.

Hey, that's right.

Ah, that's good.

Come on, let's go.

Look.

No. You misspelled it.

Kids won't care.

Well, I do.

Besides, I'm not
really interested.

Hey, everybody.

Hello. Pa, you'll never guess!

Uh, let me see. You got
on an arithmetic test?

Laura: mm-mmm.

You got a zero on an
arithmetic test? [Chuckles]

No.

Uh, your sister mary got nominated
for class president? [Chuckles]

You peeked.

No, I didn't. I saw
nels in the mercantile.

He told me.

Congratulations,
madam president.

Mary: thanks, but I
think you should

Save the congratulations
for nellie.

No, I'm going to
manage your campaign.

She's going to win.

I vote for mary.

There, you see?

I guarantee you,
carrie's not the only one

Who's going to vote for you.

Mary: none of the girls will
after they go to nellie's party.

What party's that?

Nellie invited all the girls
to her house, except us,

For ice cream and cake tomorrow.

Well, I tell you, you
just fight fire with fire.

Have a party of your own.

That's just what we're
going to do... Next saturday.

Two days before the election...

Good. We'll have
roasting ears and popcorn.

And some cider. How does
that sound, huh? [Chuckles]

There. All finished.

Laura: how's it look?

Well, let me take a look here.

Hmm, I couldn't have
done a better job myself.

You see that, ma?

Charles, I didn't think
you'd encourage the girls

To put up signs like that.

It's just like the
election ones in the paper.

Yeah, but your mother is right.

I tell you what you do.

Just make nellie's
curls a lot longer

And give her some
licorice whips.

[Laughter]

Come on, boy.

Easy now.

Easy.

There we go.

It's all right. I'm not
going to hurt you.

Let's see your neck.

Hi.

His neck's almost better, pa.

I can see that.

Do you think if I put him
back with the other chickens

They'll do it again?

Well, they just might.

Why? It's not just one chicken.

But it's the whole
flock a-pecking at him.

Well, it's their nature.

Plain wicked.

They almost pecked his eye out.

Well...

Well, he looks fine now.

Neck's all healed, too.

[Squeaking]

How's that sick
squirrel of yours doing?

Good. His leg is
almost like new.

He even eats out of my hand.

Yeah.

It's time you came
in, got washed up.

Supper's almost ready.

All right. I got to
feed my rabbit first,

But I'll hurry.

Ma was surprised
I got nominated.

Not more than I was.

Who was it put your name in?

Joel and kenny.

They said they'd help
me get elected, too.

I thought you was having
trouble with those two boys.

Didn't they trip you,

Tear your pants or something?

They didn't mean no harm.

Happened more
than once, didn't it?

That other time,

I tore my shirt on a bush.

Oh, I see.

Well, it's time you got
a move on, young fella.

Supper will be waiting.

Potatoes aren't quite done.

That's just as well. He's
got to feed his rabbits.

Should have had
that done by now,

But he was setting out there
petting that little chicken.

He takes good care of it.

Now, if he had his way,

That whole barn would
be full of sick strays.

You know, I was right
about that nomination.

It's the bagby and turner
boys that put him up to it.

I hope you told him
not to count on winning.

Not yet... But I will.

You know, uh,

Kids are like chickens.

Somebody different, like elmer,

Slow thinker,

Can't keep up with the others...

They set out to
peck him to pieces.

Does he know?

Oh, of course he knows.

He's slow, ellen,
but he's not stupid.

It doesn't seem to bother him.

Well, it doesn't bother him

That he's two years behind
the other kids his age either.

We kept him out of school.

Yeah, because of what the kids

And that springfield
teacher did to him.

A boy doesn't take to books is
no reason to hold him up to shame.

Might have been a mistake

To put him in school here, too.

He wants to go, sam.

Yeah...

Like that little chicken

Wants to...

Run with the flock

And get pecked to death.

Willie...

I brought you something.

I don't want it.

Yes, you do.

It's something you've been
wanting for a long time.

No. I ain't gonna help you.

Kenny and joel said I
shouldn't vote for you,

And I ain't gonna.

All right. Take it anyway.

Go on, take it.

Good.

The best in the store.

Thanks.

Go ahead. Smoke it.

I am.

Now, you're going to
help me win the election,

And you're going to vote for me.

Am not!

You promise right now,

Or I'll go tell pa I caught
you smoking a cigar.

But you gave it to me.

He won't believe that.

I'll tell him you swiped it.

Now, you'll do as I say.

You're going to
come to my party,

And you'll tell everyone
to vote for me, and...

Willie, come back here!

You're going to the wrong place.

Nellie said the party
is gonna be in the house.

There's gonna be cake
and punch and ice cream

And games in the yard,

And nellie said not
to bring a present.

Just bring your vote.

[Bell rings]

, ...

There's just a dozen today, huh?

Yes, sir.

Well, it's going to be
quite a party, isn't it?

Oh, you know, they're going
to have games and punch

And cookies and ice cream.

Nellie's invited just... Well,
every girl in the school.

Not quite.

Laura.

Well, you are going, aren't you?

No, sir.

But you were invited.

No, sir.

I... Think nellie forgot.

Well, I'll see to that.

You are invited as of right now.

Thank you, but...

But we have chores.

On saturday?

Uh... Yes!

Thanks just the same.

[Bell rings]

Elmer: hi.

Hi. Hi.

Bunch of girls over there.

Bossy nellie
tweed's at it again.

Who?

Oh, that's laura's joke.

Boss tweed was a
new york politician.

Oh, I guess I don't
know about him.

He got put in jail
for stealing votes...

[Girls laughing]

And that's what nellie's doing.

Laura, she's just
having a party.

How come you aren't over there?

Because she knows we're not

Going to vote for her.

But she doesn't know
that mary's going to win.

Well, I hope you do.

Well, you have a good
chance, too, elmer.

Nah. Kenny and joel are
always doing things like that.

Nobody will pay any mind.

Wouldn't be too sure.

You could vote for yourself.

Nah.

One vote wouldn't mean much.

Well, we got to go.

See you in school.

Bye.

Bye. Bye.

Elmer's pretty sure his
squirrel's going to have young 'uns.

Figures...

Price of seed's going up again.

Sam, is that your way of saying

We can't afford to feed
a few baby squirrels?

I didn't say that,
and I didn't mean that.

He sets great
store by his animals.

That he does.

He gets along better with
them than he does with people.

It's not as bad as it
was in springfield.

Yeah...

I've got some doubts
about that, ellen.

We both have.

So does elmer.

He doesn't expect to come
anywhere close to winning.

He did ask me to fix him
a shirt for election day.

Yeah, he thought that you were
going to take one of my old ones

And cut it down to size.

But you're making him a
brand-new one, aren't you?

The least I could do.

Yeah...

The very least.

That's plenty,
darling, thank you.

Who all's coming to
this party of yours?

All the kids in the school
except nellie and willie.

Ah, turnabout's fair play, huh?

Nellie had her party to get
votes, now it's mary's turn.

That's exactly right.

Well, if I remember my
school days correctly,

I'm afraid that these
two parties are

Just going to win the
election for elmer.

Oh, no, pa.

Well, sure. You got
two girls running.

The girls are going
to vote for the girls.

That'll split their vote. And
all the boys will vote for elmer.

And he'll win.

That's why jim nominated me!

I thought he was being nice.

What do we do now, pa?

Well, afraid there's
not much you can do.

Just be as nice as
you can to the voters,

Shake a lot of hands,

And pray for a miracle.

Come on! Somebody's coming!

Hi, elmer!

Hi, elmer!

Elmer: hi.

I brought some roasting ears.

Pa said I had to

'Cause you folks don't
know how much I eat.

It wouldn't matter.
We got plenty.

Yeah, all these and more
roasting in the house.

You... You expecting
lots of kids, huh?

Yeah, quite a few, I guess.

Something I ought to tell you.

Bunch of girls coming
out here ahead of me...

Well, they rounded the corner,

And nellie and willie are
sitting there with a box full of...

Candy!

She's buying votes again!

She sure makes it easy.

The kids just stayed with
nellie and the candy, huh?

She... She was promising
cake and stuff at her house.

All... All the kids aren't
going to vote for her.

I heard some say so.

I hope they all get sick.

I guess you're not going
to have any party, huh?

Sure we will.

We don't need them.

We'll have a party of our own.

Oh, good, I can
eat a whole bunch.

Sure!

Come on, elmer, I'll
race you to the house.

Oh, no.

"Election" is just another
word for shouting match.

Candidates will say
anything to get elected.

They'll make you
promises and job offers

And more promises.

The last federal election, sam tilden
thought he was gonna be president.

All he needed was one more
electoral vote to win it all.

They used to have
soldiers, didn't they?

That's right, darling,
federal troops

Just to get an honest count.

When it was all over, rutherford
b. Hayes was the new president.

If nellie is counting, we
could use some troops.

I think miss beadle
can handle it all right.

We're supposed to
campaign this week,

But I don't know what to say.

Well, what do you want to
do to improve the school?

Have recesses!

[Laughter]

That's plain silly.

I'd vote for it.

Well, I'm afraid the school
board wouldn't go for it.

Do the candidates

Keep all the promises
that they make?

Oh, a few, but not very many.

Isn't that kind of lying,

Making promises you don't keep?

Well, it's not kind of
like lying, sweetheart.

It's just plain old
lying. No doubt about it.

Don't the candidates
call each other names?

Most of the time.

I could think of some good
names for nellie oleson.

Hey, now, come on. That just
makes you enemies, not friends.

I think you two ought to get
yourselves to bed now, too.

It's getting late.

I think I'll just list the things I
think will make the school better

And make my speech.

That's a good idea,
and don't give up.

Remember, hayes
won by just one vote.

Ok.

Good night. Have a good sleep.

Good night, pa.

You too, sleepyhead.
Thanks for the help.

I love you.

Good night, pa. Good night.

Pa? Yeah.

You know what would
help more than anything?

If oleson's mercantile
ran clear out of candy.

Go on, get yourself to bed.

Good night, pa.
Good night, darling.

Hey, elmer.

Why, I've been thinking.

How are you going
to win the election?

Got to get yourself to
that stump over there,

Hop up on it, and tell
everyone to vote for you.

No...

Come on, we said we were going
to help you win the election,

And we're going to do it.

Right this way, mr. Candidate.

Come on, everybody.
Look at this show.

Watch this.

You tell them, mr. Candidate.

Yeah, tell them what
you'll do to get their vote.

Will he eat worms?

Joel: one worm for every vote.

He did it before,
and he'll do it again...

Stand on his head, too.
Come on, elmer, show them.

All right, up you come.

[Laughter] you know
what else he'll do?

Vote for elmer here,

And he'll come running
when you whistle.

He'll scratch your
back or tie your shoe.

Or he'll do your problems.

You'll get a zero, like he
does, but he'll still do them.

That will be quite enough!

What are you doing?

Just campaigning, miss beadle.

That kind of campaigning
we can do without,

And if I hear one more word
out of either one of you,

You're going to
stay after school.

All right, recess is
over. You can go in.

Sam...

I didn't hear you come in.

That's a good-looking shirt.

Election day tomorrow.

Figured he ought
to look his best.

Where is he?

Feeding his animals.

The sick strays.

Yeah.

Miss beadle...

Fellow opponents,

Classmates...

I...

Miss beadle,

Fellow opponents, classmates...

I'm very proud to be nominated.

I hope...

Sam: practicing, huh?

Yeah, trying.

Hmm...

Before you do any
more speechmaking,

We got to have a little talk.

Now, what were those two boys

Doing to you today
in the schoolyard?

Hmm?

Um... They was
just making jokes.

Yeah, your friends...

The two that were going
to help you get elected.

Uh... Yeah.

Well, I heard the part
about you eating worms,

And enough more to know
that they're not your friends.

They didn't mean no harm.

[Sighs]

That's your idea,

And mine's different.

Now, somebody fed you worms.

Now, who was it?

Now, tell me, son.

You're not going
to get in any trouble

Unless you lie.

It...

Look, it was joel.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

You know,

They didn't nominate you

Because they thought
you could get elected.

They're just picking on you.

The way that... The
way that whole flock

Pecks at that little chicken.

[Sighs]

I'm going to talk to their
parents in the morning.

Pa, please!

Please don't.

It'll just make things worse.

What they're doing to you now...

How could it be worse?

Please... It just will.

All right.

But you're going
to tell miss beadle

That you're not
running for anything...

Now or ever.

Now, you got that?

Yes, sir.

There. Looks real
nice, if I do say it myself.

It's a good-looking shirt.

I didn't even know
you were making it.

Little enough.

We couldn't have you wearing
an old shirt on election day.

Yeah, ma.

You remember what I told you.

Yes, sir.

And what was that about?

A talk we had in the barn.

Kenny: we got to do
that test for miss beadle.

Joel: yeah, I know.

If there'd been a
bird on that branch,

I'd have k*lled him dead.

Aw, you'd have missed
him, same as always.

Hey, look who's over there.

Let's go.

Hi, elmer.

Elmer, you look mighty
fancy for your speech today.

I ain't making any speeches,

And I ain't going to
be in the election.

Are you mad because
we was funning you some?

A little. My pa was mad.

He was riding by, and he saw it.

You told him we was
only joking, didn't you?

I told him.

But if you don't run,
we ain't got a candidate.

Find somebody else.

We can't. It's too late.

Well, you can eat
worms at recess,

And you can tell miss
beadle you want to run.

You know something, you tell
pretty good jokes yourself.

Come on, elmer. We
got to get you elected.

Not me.

You don't want a girl
for president, do you?

I don't care.

Well, all right, if you
don't want to be president,

That's fine with us.

Sure is. We're your friends.

Yeah, we're your
friends. We understand.

You do?

Sure, that's what
friends are for.

Come on, we'll walk together.

Hey, elmer, seen the
new piglets at stinson's?

Uh-uh.

Cute as can be.

One of them's got
a bad leg, though.

Think so?

Maybe we ought to check
on the way to school.

All right.

[Pigs squealing]

Well, what do you think?

Well...

I don't see any of
them with a bad leg.

Take a closer look.

[Pigs squealing]

Kenny: oh, boy, look at him!

[Boys laughing]

Look at him.

Don't be late for school.

[Boys laughing]

I've been honored
by the nomination.

If elected, I'll do my best

To make our school a better one.

My pa says campaign
promises aren't worth much,

So I won't make any.

If you do vote for me,

I'll appreciate it.

Uh...

Thank you.

[Applause]

Thank you, mary.

Nellie, I believe you're next.

Miss beadle, classmates,
fellow americans,

It is my pleasure and honor
to stand before you today

As candidate to
be your president.

There are many reasons
why you should vote for me...

One more reason to
punch her in the nose.

And finally, you
should vote for me

Because my mother
will give a party if I win...

Cake and ice cream,
all you can eat,

And everyone who
votes for me is invited.

Thank you.

[Applause]

Elmer!

[Students giggle]

What happened?

I... It's nothing.

I slipped and fell.

Did the other boys

Have something to do with this?

I... I can't say.

Elmer, look. I want you
to go home, clean up,

You can come back
and make your speech,

And we'll vote this afternoon.

It's all right, miss beadle.

I'm not running for nothing.

My pa don't want me to.

Besides,

Me running for class president,

We all know that's a joke.

[Students laugh]

Miss beadle: class!

Go ahead and laugh.

I know I'm not smart like you.

I don't even know

What a class president's
supposed to do.

But i... But I

Know what's right and wrong,

And it ain't right

For big kids to be
picking on little kids

Just 'cause they think

It's fun to hurt somebody.

And it ain't right to
give someone something

To make them vote for you.

Just because

Some folks got more
money than others.

It ain't right to
make fun of people...

Or push them in the mud

To make them look silly.

My... My mother
made me this shirt

Because she loves me.

You probably all
think that's dumb.

But that's what's
wrong around here.

People don't pay no mind
to other people's carings.

I hope whoever gets
to be class president

Sees to it that the little kids

Aren't picked on or hurt,

Because it's not right.

It's just not right.

Thank you, elmer.

Mary, the speechmaking is over.

I don't want to make
a speech, miss beadle.

I want to withdraw
from the election.

I don't want anyone
to vote for me.

The best president
this class could have

Is elmer dobkins.

I know you're not
supposed to run...

But you have to.

'Cause you're the only
one that really knows

What a president should do.

I know your pa would understand.

Please, elmer...

Will you run?

I think it's time to vote.

Elmer dobkins.

Elmer dobkins.

Well, it looks like
we have a two-way tie.

Can't be. We're supposed
to have votes.

That's right.
We'll have to wait.

My brother went to the outhouse.

Oh...

Miss beadle: willie,
you didn't vote.

No, ma'am.

Well, would you
mind? We're waiting.

Laura...

Elmer dobkins!

Willie, how could you?

'Cause you're
always picking on me,

That's why, and
elmer won't let you!

Aah!

Laura: hurray for elmer!

[Applause]

Pa! Pa!

Pa, wait till we tell you!

Take it easy, tell me what?

Elmer won.

He should have. He made
the finest speech ever.

Elmer?

Even with all the candy
in oleson's mercantile,

Nellie couldn't beat him.

See you later, elmer.

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Congratulations, mr. President.

Come on.

Let's go home and tell
your ma about this, huh?