We Broke Up (2021)

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

(car approaching)

(door opens, closes)

LORI:
Should we do something tonight?

DOUG: We should.
We should finish packing.

LORI: I can't,
I'm too tired.

DOUG: Tough day?

LORI: No. I made lattes.

DOUG: We really should leave
by tomorrow,

I don't want to get stuck
in traffic.

LORI:
You sound like your dad.

DOUG (imitating dad): Why was
the squirrel late for work?

Because traffic was nuts.

LORI: Oh, boo!

DOUG: (chuckles) Wait,
you don't like that one? I got more.

LORI: If I promise we'll be
in the car by , will you stop?

DOUG: Mm-hm.

- Hey.
- WOMAN: I read the book you recommended.

- Mm...
- Oh, yeah?

I didn't like it.

Your food will be ready
in five minutes.

Thanks.

She did not like it.

She mean.

No? I'm hungry.

Well, I mean, we could order
some Chinese take-out,

you know,
if you're hungry.

Wow, what a suggestion.
Thank you.

Yeah, you're welcome.
It's just a thought.

♪♪

- Oh.
- Oh?

What's happening?

I don't know.
What is happening?

Oh, it is.
You like this.

♪♪

- (laughs)
- Stupid.

- Am I embarrassing you?
- Mm-hm.

I can do this all day.

(laughs)

Marry me.

(vomits)

(car engine starts)

♪♪

Hey...

Morning.

Can we at least
talk about last night?

You should get dressed,
we gotta get on the road.

- Doug.
- Lori.

You can't possibly think
you're coming, you dumped me.

Uh, yeah I am.
I'm in the wedding.

You're barely in
the wedding.

I'm the King of the Ushers.

Well, it's my sister.
You're not coming.

(sighs)

Do we really need
all this shit?

Uh, yeah.
Yeah, we do.

(cell phone buzzing)

Bea texted.

What are you gonna tell her?

(horn blowing)

- Hey, did I press play?
- Yeah.

- I'm sorry, I...
- Yes!

I know, but I just keep taking
pictures instead of video.

- Um, hey, I'm Jayson
- I'm Bea, I'm on a boat!

Baby, you don't have to be
that loud.

- What? Wait...
- Okay, we're excited.

Anyways, I know this is, uh,
probably gonna be a little strange, um,

but... but here goes nothing.

Four weeks ago,
I was at the Sydney airport,

and I heard this person going
on and on and on...

No, I wasn't.
I was just talking.

I'm simply talking about
playing Skee-Ball at

the Lake of the Ozarks
in Missouri, so...

Which is exactly what
I used to do when I was a kid,

and I'd never met ev...
ever met anyone else

- who would ever know what Lake of the Ozarks is.
- Lake of the Ozarks!

Okay, so this is not
just an introduction,

'cause like I said,
I am Bea.

- Yep.
- Beatrice.

Yeah, and I'm Jayson.
Jayson.

It's also an announcement.
'Cause we're getting married!

- Yeah, so we're getting married.
- We're getting married!

(giggling) Okay,
so when the video ends,

that'll be my grand entrance
to my favorite song.

"Pony," by Ginuwine.

Yeah, with a G.

Perfect.

We're just so thrilled
that you've chosen

the Arrowhead Pines Lodge
for your special day.

Well, Bea loved it here when
it was a summer camp, so...

I always thought my wedding
should be fun, you know?

And what is more fun than
getting married

at the place where you got
your first period?

♪♪

Hi. We have a reservation.

- Name?
- But...

um, we just...
we have a king bed and we need two beds.

Please.

(sighs)

Yeah, thing is,
we're fully booked.

We have a wedding
this weekend.

Yes, I am aware,
it is my sister's wedding.

No, we'll just keep
the suite.

What are you gonna do,
sleep on the floor?

Can't you just, like,
upgrade someone else?

We'll take whatever.

I can switch you guys
over to a cabin.

Great.

They're not heated, though.

Who needs heat.

Okay, well, I have to
type all of this in,

so it's gonna be
a couple hours.

- Take your time.
- Okay.

(sighs)

Oh, shit.

(indistinct chatter)

- You ready for this?
- No.

Neither am I.

Run.

- Ah! Oh, my God!
- Oh, my... Hey.

- Mom!
- Hi. My favorite couple.

- Hey.
- How are you?

I thought you guys were gonna
get here earlier.

We were hoping to
have lunch with you,

but your grandparents
got hungry at : .

Oh, well, you know,
we were, um, delayed.

Anyway...

What happened?

We, uh...

Uh, we... we, uh...
we hit a bird.

Oh, no. Is it okay?

It's dead.

It's so nice to see you.

You too.
Oh, God.

Ugh! They get engaged after
a couple of days.

She wants to get married
at her old summer camp.

Oh, well, I think it's
kinda cool to get married at...

There are friendship bracelets
in the welcome bags.

Mom, you promised.

They'll be through
by Christmas.

Watch.

- Hey, sis. What's up?
- Hi.

Lori, good to see you.

- Dougie.
- Hey, man, what's up?

- Hey.
- Oh, boy. All right.

- Yeah.
- Hey!

- Oh, man.
- It's so great to finally meet you.

- Yeah.
- Gosh. Hey, um, the wedding planner

absolutely loved your ribbon
on the chair idea, so...

A lot of people like ribbon.

Yeah, I mean, I...
I personally love ribbons.

I think I see Aunt Jean.

(squealing) You're here!
You're here!

- There she is, there she is.
- Oh, my God, you're here.

- Hi.
- Oh, my God.

A little excited
to see her sister.

- A little bit.
- Yeah.

- Look at your hair.
- Oh, yeah. Check this out.

Oh, wow.

So I rented a store front.
I'm launching, like,

as soon as I get back from
the honeymoon.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on.
Wait. Launching what?

Scrunchies.

Bespoke scrunchies.

- Seriously?
- Yeah. Jay's an early investor.

You gotta get in on
the ground floor.

And I screwed that up with
the Honest Company.

Friggin' Jessica Alba.
Genius.

Okay, I was gonna wait until
the day of the wedding,

but here you go.

Oh, my God. (gasps)
Oh. Oh, hey.

So everyone knows
you're my maid of honor.

Yeah, I lo...
I love it.

- Yeah?
- It's beautiful.

- I put it on like this?
- Please.

Okay.
Yeah, you like?

- Hi.
- Hi.

It looks really great.

God. God, I love this hoodie.
I love how old it looks.

Did it come that way?

No, it's just old.

- Hm. Like Jay?
- Yeah. (chuckles)

- What'd you just say?
- Nothing.

- She called you old, man.
- Oh... (chuckles)

Guilty. I am older than her,
this is true.

Hey, what suite
are you guys staying in?

- Uh...
- Oh, uh, we actually...

We switched to one of
the cabins.

- Oh... cozy.
- Ah, fine.

But we can't get in for a couple of
hours, so we're...

- What?
- Yeah.

Let me go talk to Mike.

Go get 'em, baby.

U... (clears throat)

Where's the N?

Hey, Mike.

- Oh, what's up?
- What's up?

(chuckles) Hey, um,
did you cut your hair?

No, it's just behind
my shoulders.

Ah, see, before,
you had it in the front.

- Yeah.
- In the front.

So, my brother and sister
just got here.

- They need a room.
- Right.

Yeah, they... can they get...
can they get one now?

Yeah, I told them I could maybe
switch 'em to a cabin.

- Oh, sweet.
- Yeah, they got...

You got... Do you have...
Can they... Can they get a key?

Yeah, yeah, I got a couple,
I have, uh, Red Rover,

Hopscotch, and
Duck, Duck, Goose.

Which one do you recommend?

- Duck, Duck, Goose.
- Sweet.

- Red Rover's haunted.
- What?

- Yeah.
- Nice.

Cha-ching! You guys are in
Duck, Duck, Goose.

All right. Uh,
what does that mean?

I guess you'll find out.

(laughing)

Oh, look, honey,
it's Dominic.

- Which one's Dominic?
- Dominic, my Peace Corps buddy.

- From Swaziland.
- What...

- Dude has six toes.
- Oh, my God, yes!

Yeah, I know,
it's so gross.

Let's...
Let's go talk to him.

This is just gonna be
so much easier

when it's you two
getting married.

You already know everyone.

BEA: Hi.

♪♪

A lot of f*ckin' ducks
in here.

And it is, technically,
two beds.

I'm gonna take a shower.

(lock clicks)

(lock clicks)

Hey, do you mind if
I wash my hands before you...

(rattling)

(water running)

♪♪

Five minutes.

Cool.

- You feelin' okay?
- Uh, yeah, yeah.

I just gotta, um...

Yeah, uh, bathroom.

(indistinct chatter)

Lori.

Hey, it's, uh, Eric.
I'm Bea's friend.

From back in high school.

- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

- What's up?
- Eric, hi.

- Hey.
- Oh, my God, you're an adult.

- Yeah, yeah.
- And you're very tall.

Yeah.
What's up?

- Hi.
- Hey.

All right.

So, uh, tell me what
you've been up to?

Um... not much, man,

I'm just still working at
my dad's landscaping company.

Just gettin' baked
and mowing lawns and...

So, just like high school?

Just like high school.

Um, what about you?

I work at a coffee shop.

Nice. As, like,
a manager or...

No.

Oh...

God, Lori f*ckin' Anderson.

It's good to see you.

Good to see you, too.

Oh, shit. Whoa!

Sorry. Um...

Sorry, everybody.

- Uh...
- BEA: Go, Doug!

DOUG: Technical difficulties.
I'm so sorry.

Uh...

Hi. Uh...

Doug. Um, so... so Bea asked me
to... to speak this weekend,

um, and given that the, uh...

the best man speaks at
the wedding,

and the groomsmen speak at
the rehearsal dinner,

um, uh,
she wasn't exactly sure

when the King of the Ushers
should speak,

um, but, uh, she eventually decided
that tonight was... was safe, you know,

before any of the important
out-of-town guests arrive.

- (chuckling)
- Um...

so, um...

So when... when Bea and I
first met, uh...

- she was drunk.
- (laughter)

She... Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, it gets worse.

She was also in middle school.

- Um...
- (laughter)

I had, uh...

I had just started dating
this... this wonderful girl,

uh... Lori, and, um,

we'd only been going out
for a few weeks,

but she invited me to come to
her mom's house for Thanksgiving.

So Lori and I were
up in her room,

and we hear this...
this strange crash from outside.

(laughing)
Oh, my God.

Which is, apparently,
the sound that you make

when you ride your sled into
a concrete birdbath

after downing
Jell-O sh*ts

at your BFF's
Black Friday party.

Anyway, I... I spent that...
that night in the ER

with my... my new girlfriend,
and, uh...

and her little sister,

and we talked about
life and love,

and how much it hurts
to throw up

after knocking
out all your teeth.

- (laughter)
- And, uh... And we bonded.

And so, uh, I'm...
I'm so, so happy

to... to be here to...

to, uh...
to congratulate you,

um, after ten years.
You know?

Um, ten years as a...
as a...

as a part of this family,
um...

to congratulate you
on your marriage.

Uh, you're...
Here's to you, Bea.

You're the...

the little sister
that I never had.

- Mmm...
- (applause)

It was perfect.

- It wasn't too much?
- No, I loved it.

BEA: Where's my champagne?

You okay?

Oh, yeah, peachy.

Yeah, I saw you leave,
I just thought that...

- I got drinks.
- Hey.

- Hey.
- That's for you.

That one's for Dougie.

And I think that's the one
with the mescaline.

- Hm?
- No, I meant...

mescal, I don't know,
just drink it.

Hey, so, um...

we needed to tell you
something, uh...

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, okay.
Um, we needed to t...

Uh, we want to tell you...

- We, uh...
- What?

- That we, um...
- We...

- BEA: What?
- We are so happy for you.

We're so, uh... I'm just
so happy for you, sweetie.

- Really?
- Yeah.

You promise?

Yeah, yeah, yeah,
we're just...

we're so happy
for you guys.

- Really?
- Totally.

- Yeah.
- You're getting married, my little sister.

- Ahh!
- (giggling)

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

BEA: (squeals)
I'm getting married!

LORI: You sure are.

What the f*ck? Lori.

We had a plan.

Yes, I know.
I just...

Come on,
she looks so happy.

Okay, so then when are we
gonna tell her,

like, when she's at
the rehearsal dinner,

when she's walking down
the aisle?

I don't know, I just...
I don't know,

maybe we could just
not tell her?

Maybe we could just
not tell anyone.

Wait, you mean pretend
we're still together?

Shh.

It's just... just until
the wedding is over.

- I don't know.
- Please?

Please?

Three days?

- Three days.
- Okay, Doug, Doug,

can Lori stay with me
tonight?

'Cause Jayson's, like,
crashing with the guys,

and just...
I don't want to be alone.

Oh, yeah, sure, I was gonna
call it a night anyway.

No, no, no, wait.
What time is it?

Well, look, I'm beat,

and we got the whole
weekend to hang.

So, I'll see you...
in the morning?

- Huh?
- Fine.

- So hug me.
- All right.

Mm-hm.

Mm... All right.
Kiss Lori.

Oh, my God,
so lame.

Try again.

Hm. So gross.

♪♪

JAYSON: Dougie!

- Yo.
- JAYSON: Hey, come meet the guys.

- Hi, bud.
- Hey, man.

Come here.
Good to see ya.

Hey, uh, this is Ari,
Dominic and Chaz.

- This is Doug.
- Hey. Ari, best man, officiant.

- Uh...
- Oh, no, I'm good.

Have a seat.
Have a seat, bud.

Oh, hey, nice speech.

Ah, Doug, seriously,
that speech.

- Oh, thanks, man.
- Yeah. Yeah, I mean,

you must be in
big f*ckin' trouble.

What do you mean?

Uh, the younger sister
getting married

before the older one?

That's some
Jane Austen shit.

Yeah, well, you know.

Lori doesn't really care
about marriage.

She doesn't really care
about anything.

So...

Mazel. To, uh,
women who don't care.

I can't believe
this f*ckin' room.

Mm. Well...

Mom said the towels
were too thin.

No.

She made me drive her to
Bed Bath & Beyond

- to get a new set.
- No!

- (laughing)
- The worst.

I know.

Do you think if she had us
when she was older,

we'd be less f*cked up?

Mm... no.
We'd still be nuts.

You nut.

WOMAN: Yerp, yerp!

We've discussed this
and it's a singular yerp.

It's utter nonsense,
and not a real word.

What are you doing here?

I didn't think you came in
until tomorrow.

- I took a sick day.
- Of course you did.

- Yes.
- Of course you did.

This is... Guys,
this is Roya.

- Hello.
- My friend from work, Roya.

(overlapping dialogue)

- Hi. Nice to meet you, hi.
- These are the fellas.

- Hi. Hi.
- Roya.

Now you get to do
Paul Bunyan Day.

- Yes, Paul Bunyan Day.
- Yes!

Should I know
who that is?

Are you serious?

Very serious, yes.

Oh, well, uh, yeah,
he's... he's like the, uh...

the most important character
in American folklore.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Yeah, he's a foot tall
lumberjack.

And his best friend is
a big blue ox.

- He loved pancakes.
- Well, that doesn't help at all.

All right, and tomorrow is,
uh, his day.

Well, I mean, it's really just
an excuse to play drinking games,

but, yeah.

I stopped taking
birth control.

That's... soon.

I know, but I want to
create life, man.

Can you even imagine?

When Jayson talks about
his son being born,

he's like...

I don't know,
he, like, tears up.

It's the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen

in my entire life.

- How old is he?
- Nine.

He's the f*ckin' best.

(sighs)

No part of you that thinks
about having kids with Doug?

I don't know, I just...
I got this...

I thought it was, like,
an in the future thing.

I know, but what does he
think about that?

Do you want another drink?

Yes.

Me, too.

♪♪

(phone rings)

- DOUG: (laughing) Oh, man.
- WOMAN: This was Lori at her junior prom.

- Look at that dress.
- Wow.

She insisted on buying one
from a thrift store.

Her mother was
apoplectic.

Ooh, speak of the devil.

- Hey.
- DOUG: Hey.

I was, uh, just telling your
mom that you wanted to sleep in.

Did you have
a lot of drinks last night?

What?

Oh, we were just
telling Doug

about the new house
in Asheville.

You gotta see it, honey,
it's a real beaut.

Four acres.

Oh, if you have time,

we have all these
Southwest points

if you need help
with the flights.

- We don't have that many.
- Oh, shh.

Oh, yeah, um,

Doug's really busy with work
these days, so...

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, super busy.

There's a lot of manuscripts
that need to get edited, so...

Oh, well, he still gets
vacation days, doesn't he?

MAN: And if you come in December,
you get to see all the lights.

Well, I mean, we could, uh...
we could...

we could check our calendars.

Sweetie, can you show me
where the food is?

Now?

(whispering) What are
you doing over there?

Well, I thought
that was the plan,

the two of us
still together.

You are literally making
vacation plans

with my grandparents.

I'm just trying to
put on a good show.

This is my life.

These are my people.

You don't have to deal with
them after this weekend,

I do.

You're right.

I'm sorry. Okay?

Maybe we should...
take a little space.

Yeah, maybe.

Avoid other people.

Keep a low profile.

Yeah, I think that
would really help.

Hello, everyone,
and welcome to the first and only...

- BOTH: Paul Bunyan Day!
- (cheering)

- Team Babe!
- (cheering)

- LORI: Team Lumberjack!
- (cheering)

All right, you each have
maps of the campgrounds.

You're supposed to
make your way across camp,

and find the first of
golden axes

located next to
the blue star.

As soon as the flare g*n
goes off,

each team must consume
two cases of Nati Light.

And make your way down river
to the Ferris wheel.

Whoever gets there first,
and kills the pony keg,

wins the golden axe.

Oh, man,
we gotta k*ll a pony?

- N...
- Okay, does everyone understand the rules?

- No!
- Okay!

- And we're off!
- (g*nsh*t)

- Let's go!
- (cheering)

Let's go.

(giggling)

You guys,
this is so sweet.

Wait, which team
are you guys on?

Oh, uh, we're...
we're not playing,

we're... we're the refs.

- No.
- Forget that. You guys are playin'.

We can't play and host.

Yeah, I mean, we're the only ones
that know where the golden axes are,

I mean, and somebody's
gotta stay sober.

Sober, schmober, come on,
you have to do it for me.

For her. Look.

(whispers)
My wedding.

- For her.
- Okay.

- I guess.
- Yes! Okay.

Doug's on my team.
Doug's on my team.

Ah, buddy, we're gonna burn
this whole forest down.

Uh, we... No,
we're gonna win together.

- I get stuck with Lori.
- Oh, come on.

I can hold my liquor much
better than Doug over there.

Oh, bullshit, you can.

Says the guy who got drunk
off three kombuchas?

- Ooh...
- Well, at least I didn't get blackout drunk on Jager bombs

and make out with
my anthropology TA.

Ooh...
(laughs)

Whoa.

- Oof.
- Beer me!

Whoo!

Oh, yeah.

MAN: Let's go, Lori,
come on, Lori, come on, Lori,

let's go, let's go, let's go.

ALL: (chanting)
Go! Go! Go! Go!

(cheering)

BEA: That's my sister!

- To the boats!
- (cheering)

So, this is
an American wedding.

Uh, yeah, yeah,
pretty much.

The first golden axe is ours!

- Let's go!
- Whoo!

To the Ferris wheel!

♪♪

Oh, no. We lost.

Oh, don't worry, man.
We're gonna catch up later.

Exactly. Everyone,
huddle up.

Come on, bring it in.

Operation Tortoise
is in full effect.

What's Operation Tortoise?

Oh, we tossed
the first challenge.

It's a volume game.

We let 'em get shitcanned,
then we crush 'em later.

Or whatever.
Let's get incredibly stoned.

Mm-hm.
Weed hamantaschen, Doug?

Oh, no, I...
I gotta stay sharp.

All right, bring it in.
Bring it in.

All right,
Team Lumberjack on three.

- One, two, three...
- ALL: Team Lumberjack!

Mm. These Jews are
really on to something.

These are gluten free,
right?

Okay, for our second
golden axe,

- you have to build a...
- Build a machine!

A Rube Goldberg machine
out of which you must

successfully pour
a shot of tequila.

One, two, three, go.

Go. Go.

Wait, what? How?

- Shove it in here.
- This here.

- Okay, shove as many...
- Oh, but this is the same!

Before we rush in,
let's everyone take a minute,

and just regard
the materials.

WOMAN: Figure it out!

Don't rush, we'll see it
when we see it.

Ooh, wait, wait.

- Got it.
- This is too big.

Hold on. No, guys,
this one. Look.

- Yeah.
- Wait. No.

- Do you see it?
- I see it.

I see it, we see it.
Uh, so, Roya, yeah,

I think you know this already,
but start with the x s.

Those are gonna be
the pillars.

Uh, Dominic,
I want you to take the PVC piping

and turn it into
a bit of a slalom.

Here. How about that?
Does that thing fit?

Uh, Jayson, I want you to start
on the smaller piece of wood,

make a groove.

(indistinct dialogue)

- Yes! Yes!
- Yeah!

(chuckles)
Oh, man.

Done.

- (pipes clattering)
- No!

Goddammit!

Would you do the honors?

- (applause)
- And we are tied

with nine games to go.

Wait. Nine?

Camp Arrowhead!

Ka-kaw.

Oh, come on, people.

I said, Camp Arrowhead!

ALL: Ka-kaw!

Hey, it looks like somebody
needs a little water.

Ka-kaw!

That's a...
That's a fair point,

but I still think that
you ought to pace yourself.

Why, 'cause you're afraid
I'm gonna...

- kick your ass?
- Okay, no.

You sure?

'Cause I think
you're afraid.

That I'ma whup your ass
and feed...

your carcass to the wolves.

What... What wolves?

Would you...
Give it a rest!

Okay?

Give me
the f*ckin' bottle.

♪♪

(grunting)

(grunting)

(cheering)

♪♪

What's up!

♪♪

Yes!

(cheering)

(screaming)

♪♪

(shouting)

- Yeah!
- Yeah!

ALL: Red Rover, Red Rover,
send Beatrice over!

♪♪

(screaming)

ALL: Red Rover, Red Rover,
let Jayson come over!

All right,
all right.

- (gasping)
- Oh, g*dd*mn!

(grunts)

(shouting)

Whoo!
Yeah! Yeah!

Well, dang, um,
can't believe this,

but we are out of challenges,

and I don't think we can
declare a winner.

BEA: What?
Wait, wait, wait...

Well, I mean, look,
each team has five axes,

and after
the dizzy bat debacle...

I'm sorry, Allison.

What happened to Allison?

So, what are we gonna do
for a tie-breaker?

We don't have
a tie-breaker.

Well, you better
come up with one,

or I will.

Yeah, I'd just like to say
that I strongly object to this.

- This is your fault.
- How is this our fault?

First one to hit
the water loses,

winner takes the Bunyan.

JAYSON: Get her.
Get her!

Stop pitty-patting
up there.

Come on, you gotta try
harder than that.

No, I'm not gonna
just hit her.

- I give you permission to hit her.
- Thanks, Bea.

Yeah, don't take it easy on
her just 'cause you love her.

Pretend you guys
are strangers.

Yeah, pretend you
f*ckin' hate each other.

- f*ck him up!
- Seriously?

(screaming)

(cheering)

Babe Team wins!

(cheering)

You really let me down
up there, man.

Yeah, I'm over it.
Give me a kiss.

- Mwah!
- Okay.

All right.

(cheering)

(screaming)

I know it's not
a trophy.

Oh, hell, yeah.

BEA: But just let me hold...
let me hold the Bunyan.

- No, he's mine.
- Come on. Come on.

Oh, look.

- (quacking)
- It's the waterfall.

(laughs)
Oh, shit.

Oh, Wendy Chen got caught making
out with a CIT there. Remember?

Uh, she... No, she got
kicked out of camp, didn't she?

Yeah. I heard she died.

Really?

I don't know. Maybe.

We all do, eventually.

Well, Wendy was a dumb-dumb.

(chuckles)
Everyone knows,

if you want to fool around,
you go to the tree house.

Go to the tree house!

Whenever you're sad
and missing home...

...go to the tree house,
you won't be alone.

So, where do you live
in San Francisco?

- Do you know the city?
- Nope.

All right, um, well,

I just bought a little house
in Rockridge.

Describe it to me.

It's blue.

Um... there's
an herb garden out back.

Nothing's grown yet,
but... fingers crossed.

I don't know.
It's a house.

And it's mine.

And I love it.

That sounds...

amazing.

Like...
Like really amazing.

I want that.

Would you like to pay
my mortgage, also?

- Okay.
- Yeah?

Yeah.

I don't have no money
right now...

- Oh.
- But I'm... But I'm good for it,

I'm good for it.
Wait. Look.

Here. I... O... U.

I hope I can cash this.

(chuckles)

I'm starving.

Is there any food
in this place?

Baby, we've literally
only eaten here.

By the way, I was supposed to
split a sundae with Doug.

Where is he?

Water's getting
a little cold.

We could go get in
the Jacuzzi.

No.

I mean, we could
just head back.

I don't want to
head back.

- No?
- Mm-mm.

Neither do I.

Mm, mm, mm, mm.

You want a bite of this,
don't you?

- But just, like, a little bit.
- A little bit?

- Mm-hm.
- Okay, how about this bite? I did it.

- More than that.
- Perfectly. More than that?

Okay, here's
a little bit more.

- Okay, ready?
- Mm-hm.

(laughs)

I know.

I did that just for you.

I did that just for you.

- BEA: That's so good.
- JAYSON: right?

(laughing)

- You guys want a bite?
- Absolutely not.

- I'm thinkin' I'm good.
- No, I'm good.

Hi. Can I get
a shot of whiskey, please?

Uh, we have
a cocktail menu.

Oh, great. Can I get
a shot of whiskey, please?

Sure.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.

Lori Anderson.

Hey.

Uh, so some of us
were gonna go into town.

Oh, what's in town?

Uh, just
a miniature horse farm.

Isn't it dark out?

Yeah.

We'll probably just
go to some bars, then.

Yeah, or you...
I don't know,

we could just stay here.

Uh, yeah. I can go see if
the guys want to...

Or, you know,
just you and me.

Okay.

Okay.

♪♪

So, uh, I...

I should probably
get to bed.

Goodnight.

'Night.

(door opens, closes)

- (laughing)
- Oh...

BOTH: Oh, no...

- (groans)
- Oh, no, this is no fun.

Sad face.

Let's play.

Seriously?
Spin the bottle?

- Yeah, come on.
- Oh, God.

It's camp tradition.

You gonna go against
tradition?

Yeah, whatever.

Okay.

(flask rattles)

- (laughs)
- Lame.

All right, you go.

- I also suck at this.
- Do it again.

(flask rattles)

Oh!

Oh, no.

Really?

Okay.

(flask rattles)

(muttering)

Oh...

- Wait.
- I don't think I can...

- What are you doing?
- Do this.

Mm-mm.
This is not right.

Wait,
where are you going?

I just gonna take
a little walk.

- Where...
- I gotta go.

Wait, Lor... Lor...
Come on, Lori.

♪♪

(grunts)

(door opens)

Hey, what...

Are you bleeding?

I saw you.

On the bridge,
I saw you.

What...
What did you see?

She had her hand on
your arm.

I saw.

Okay, just, um...

- You f*ck her?
- What?

No.

So nothing happened.

We, um...

We... We fooled around
a little bit.

And... I don't know
what you want from me.

That...

That is so mean.

It's just so mean.

I'm sorry.

I... I am... I am...

I am so f*cking sorry.

I'm so sorry.

(sighs)

(sniffles)

♪♪

(door closes)

What was that?

Nothing.

♪♪

I said marry me, and...
and you threw up.

That didn't seem like
nothing.

Can we please just
go home, Doug?

I don't feel good.

f*ck off.

Goddammit, do you...
do you hate the idea that much?

LORI: No, I never said that!

DOUG: Okay, so Lori Anderson,
will you marry me?

Wow. Okay, uh, yeah,
f*ck this, I'm done.

- LORI: With us?
- Yeah.

♪♪

LORI: Doug.

Yeah?

Ask me again.

(squealing)
You're engaged!

Why didn't you tell me?

Oh, well, you know,
we didn't want to

steal your thunder
over the weekend.

You know, I knew it.

I... I knew something weird
was going on with you guys.

Yeah, she was like, "Hey,
something's going on with them."

Uh, well, we wanted to
keep it a secret,

but, yeah,
we're gettin' married.

- (squealing)
- (laughing)

What is wrong?
What is happening?

These two idiots
are engaged.

Really? Oh, my God!

- Ow.
- Oh, my God.

- Hey.
- Oh, honey.

You have no idea how long I
have waited to hear this news.

- Jojo, Lydia...
- No. Hey. Look at me.

This weekend is not
really about us, right?

So we just want to keep it
private for a little bit. Okay?

(sniffles)

My lips are sealed.

Okay?

You guys have made me
so happy.

Okay.

You make a nice groom.

Oh, well, uh...
King of the Ushers, actually.

It's not
a real position.

Doug, help me pick
a yarmulke.

White. Blue.

White with blue.

Bedazzled.

Well, I mean,
they all look pretty nice.

Let me show you again.

- White.
- Mm-hm.

Blue.
White with blue.

Bedazzled.

- Okay, all right.
- Uh...

Other order.

(gasps)

Maybe we can
alter my wedding dress.

Oh, it's a traditional
silhouette.

Right.
Not really your thing.

Please wear Mom's
wedding dress.

Oh, no, wait, stop.
That's the haunted one.

Did your father
at least RSVP?

Yes. He called to say
congratulations.

He says he wishes
he could be here.

And he said he'd buy the most
expensive thing on the registry,

so here's hoping for
a jet ski.

Could I at least tell
Grandma and Grandpa?

About the jet ski?

Yeah, you think they'd be
down for a trip?

- Mm-hm.
- Uh, no, Mom,

I told you,
not until after the wedding.

Let me just text
my book club.

They'll be so excited.

Did you text your book club
when I got engaged?

It's just that Doug is...
is like part of the family.

It's different.

Where is that lady?
I'm supposed to start my "shitsu."

(snicckers)

Mom, you mean shia...

- Nope. "Shitsu."
- Yep.

Yep.

Hey, Doug.

(chuckles)

I'm stupid.

No, no, it was...
it was very nice.

Thank you. Thank you.
(chuckles)

So, uh, when are you guys
thinkin'?

Of... Of gettin' married,
when are you guys thinkin'?

Oh, oh, yeah.

Oh, man, we...
we hadn't really thought about it yet.

We're thinkin' maybe...

uh... next June?

June sucks, Doug.

Ah, just... just
figure it out ASAP.

You know, my ex and I were
engaged for three years

before we set a date,
and...

probably wasn't a good sign.

But you and Lori,
you guys are totally different.

You guys are in it
for the long haul.

Yeah.

We broke up on Wednesday,
actually.

(chuckles)

Oh...

Uh, I'm sorry,
but... but...

So when did you
get engaged?

Uh, last night.

Oh... Uh... so that first day
in the lobby,

and then Paul Bunyan Day,
you guys were...

Yeah, we were pretending
to still be together.

- Oh!
- You know, for Bea.

Yeah, yeah.
I'm just...

I'm so sorry you guys,
you know, broke up.

Oh, no, but we're fine.

- Now.
- Oh, yeah, obviously now.

You know, I mean,
I totally get why you guys

would pretend and then
not pretend with the...

the, uh, you know,
with the engagement thing.

- Yeah.
- Awesome.

Yeah.
Thanks again for these.

Yeah, yeah.

♪♪

Very handsome.

Thank you.

Can I...

Perfect.

GRANDPA: So, where's
the honeymoon, Hawaii? Paris?

- Oh, no, no, uh, Niagara Falls.
- (all exclaiming)

It's... It's where my folks
went on their honeymoon.

BEA: Yeah, we really
wanted to honor them.

And then you'll
move in together?

No, we already live together.
Jayson has a place in the Mission.

Yeah, and, uh,
we're looking for something bigger,

though, with a backyard
and a studio for Bea.

For her scrunchies.

- Yep.
- Uh-huh.

Oh, I love mine, dear.

You should have made
one of these for me, honey,

I can be a bad bitch.

(laughter)

Next time, Pop-Pop.

I'll hold you to that.

Uh, you know, Lori and I were
thinking about getting a house.

(scoffs)
We were?

Oh, that's... it's...

You know, I actually know
a great real estate agent.

- Oh, my God.
- In Portland.

- BEA: Yeah.
- You guys should look in that neighborhood

that you showed me with
all the Craftsman houses.

Oh, I like our apartment.

Oh, I mean, sure, but, I mean,
if you want to build up...

- you know, equity, you should...
- Yeah, but, you know,

our rent is cheap, and, uh,
it's close to my work.

Right, I mean, but you're also
not gonna work there forever.

- I might.
- So...

Okay.

Cool.

♪♪

MOTHER: I'm just worried

you're gonna make
the same mistake I did.

BEA: Oh,
so we were mistakes?

No. I married a man
I didn't love.

But I love Jayson.

I'm marrying
my soul mate.

Why can't you be
happy for me?

- Hey.
- Lori, please tell your sister I'm just...

We're worried about her.

Oh, Lori, please tell Mom
she's being a bitch.

Okay, I tried.
Really, I tried.

Great. Try harder.

Seriously. She thinks
I am some, like, idiot baby

who can't
take care of herself.

We just think that
you're a little impulsive.

I mean, you know,
you're Bea, you're fun.

You don't think about
consequences, you...

you dropped out of college
to go surfing.

I get engaged to a man
I've known for four weeks.

Yes, exactly.
That...

Hey, baby.
Your Mom's in there cryin'

and snarfin' down
a whole pie.

(clears throat) What's goin...
What's goin' on?

Well, Lori doesn't think
I should marry you.

I did not say that.

God, you may as well have.

I don't think I'd be taking
relationship advice

from your sister.

I'm sorry. What's that
supposed to mean?

Jayson,
now is not the time.

Wait, what?

(sighs)

Honey, they...

they broke up
three days ago.

That true?

That is... Yes,
that's... that's true.

(sighs)
I'm sorry, we just...

we thought it'd be
too hard to tell you,

and then I thought
maybe it was better

we just pretend
for the weekend.

Oh, my G... So...

are you getting married
or are you breaking up?

No, no, no,
we're getting married.

We... We worked
everything out.

Doug...

- We're fine.
- They're fine.

- They're fine.
- I can't believe this.

- Oh, my God.
- Honey...

Bea...

(clatters)

Lori...

Why didn't you answer me?

What?

When I asked you to marry me.

Why didn't you answer?

(exhales)
I don't...

I don't know.

Okay.

I think you do, but... okay.

(sighs) Maybe because
I thought we were good.

I thought things were fine
the way they were.

Fine.

(stammering)
I'm in love with you.

Oh, my God.
I am in love with you too.

I didn't say I was
in love with you.

I'm saying that
I thought we were good.

I liked us.

I didn't want to f*ck that up
by getting married.

(stammering)
But we are getting married.

We're engaged to be married.

Yes, of course, we are.
I just...

Things are different now.

Why are things
suddenly different?

I don't know.
They just are.

So you're saying you definitely
want to get married to me?

That's what you're saying?

- Yes, I do.
- Okay. When?

I'm sorry. Are you really asking
me to set a date right now?

Mm-hmm. Like, October.

January, June.

- June.
- What kind of cake?

Chocolate.

All right, should we invite
everyone we know,

or just our close friends,

Ah, what should our vows be?

- What do you want your dress to look like?
- I don't know.

I told you, I don't
care about this stuff.

Right, you don't
care about it,

because you don't actually
want to get married.

No. I don't care about it,

because I actually like
our life.

It's not real.

It's a practice life.

We're just playing house.

We have both of our names
on the lease,

but that's where it stops
for you.

I want to spend my life
with you.

My whole entire life.

I wanna... I wanna...

I wanna get a house together.

I wanna have kids together.

I want us to get old

and die together.

Isn't that what you want?

(exhales)

No.

No?

- Oh, man.
- Oh, no.

(both stammering)

No, that's... That...
That is a third of my life.

That's ten years...

wasted with you.

Wait.

I was saying I was happy.

- (door opens)
- (sighs)

(door closes)

- Dougie!
- Not now, man.

(engine starts)

(switch clicks)

(door slams in distance)

♪♪

(birds twittering)

(crow cawing)

- (clattering)
- (wood creaking)

(cans clattering)

(knocking on door)

(sighs)

(knocking continues)

- Bea!
- She's not here.

What?

Bea! Okay, where is she?

I have no idea.

Seriously.

She didn't come back
last night.

I mean, I looked
for her for awhile,

but I figured she'd eventually
come back to the room

or to yours,
but she's gone.

Isn't the ceremony in, like,
three or...

Four hours. No shit.

(stammering)

What if, like,
a mountain lion got her?

Oh, I don't think there
are mountain lions here.

Okay, fine. I don't know,
something else then.

It's the woods.

- I mean, anything can happen in the woods.
- (door opens)

What's going on?

Okay, so I've checked here,
here, and here.

We'll check
the bocce ball court.

And I could check the pool.

And there's a section
of woods over here.

Okay, great. And anyone who
finds her, just let me know.

Okay, Doug and Lori,

we'll start at the tennis courts

- and fan out from there.
- Okay.

Adelaide, I was hoping
you could do us a big favor

and just head to the reception hall
and find Tia the wedding coordinator.

I'm not going anywhere.

Well, this is kind of an "all
hands on deck" situation.

When Bea was years old,

she asked me if she could go
to horseback riding camp.

Mind you,
she'd never ridden a horse.

But she would not shut up
about it until I caved.

So June came,
and we went to Eugene,

and I dropped her off.

Three days in, I get a call.
Bea's missing.

I get back to Eugene.

I call the police.
Lori, tell them where we found Bea.

In a diner
eating a banana split.

"I guess I don't like horses,"
she said,

and that day, I learned...

if Bea's running, she's done.

And no one can do anything
about it.

Not me...

and especially not you.

I'll start making calls.

Excuse me.

This wedding is happening.

Whether you like it or not,
I'm marrying your daughter today.

I know I'm not
what you pictured.

I'm almost , divorced.

I've got a kid who's way more
mature than I'll ever be.

But I love Bea.

And I know I can make her happy.

And right now, she's out there
waiting for me to find her.

To fight for her.

And you know these scrunchies
you all laugh at?

They're awesome.

She wrote a
whole business plan.

She's got investors
I had nothing to do with.

Did she tell you that Goop
wants to sell them?

Yeah.

So here's what's gonna happen.

I'm gonna need you to go find
Tia, the wedding coordinator,

and make sure that everything's
set for the ceremony this afternoon

and then stay out of my way,

'cause I'm gonna go get
your daughter back.

Let's go to the tennis courts.

♪♪

We should split up.

I'm gonna go
to the reception hall.

Doug, you check the goats.

Lori, you know, that waterfall
near the lake?

Lori? What's up?

"If you're feeling sad
or missing home"?

I know where she is.

She's not here.

Well, did you look everywhere?

It's square feet.
I'm coming down.

sh**t.
I really thought I had it.

Is there something else...

she mentioned while
we were here?

Some other place maybe?

If we just retrace our steps...

Why would she have traced
our steps?

Guys, it's her.
It's Bea.

I love you so much,
but I can't...

I can't do it. I can't do it.
I'm so sorry.

I know where she is.

- Okay, well, where is she?
- Please share.

Jesus, he's fast.

Why would she be here?

Oh, thank God.

Lake of the Ozarks, baby.

BEA: But how?

How do you know
I won't wreck this?

JAYSON: 'Cause I won't let
that happen.

- My mom's right!
- No.

I'm a flake, I get bored.

I disappoint every person
in my life.

- Bea...
- I can't get married.

Yes, we can.

BEA: So what if we wake up
one morning

and realize we don't actually
like each other that much?

That's never gonna happen.

It already happened
to you once.

- I can't.
- Wait.

- I can't.
- We're different.

- This is different.
- Just...

Can you guys just tell everyone
it's cancelled?

No.

What do you mean, no?

We're not going to let you
do this.

You love each other.

Well, I thought you guys
loved each other, too.

We...

We did.

Really hard
for a really long time.

I still love you.

I wouldn't trade our ten years
for anything.

So why can't you
just stay together?

Please. Just... Just...

Just stay together.

Sweetie, we can't.

But you guys can.

See? Look at that.
Told you.

(indistinct)

They're smiling.

- (chuckles)
- Thank you.

Oh.

Let's do it.

- I came back.
- Yes, you did.

- I love you, Mom.
- I love you, too.

- Well, you...
- Don't.

- Okay.
- Sorry for calling you a bitch.

It's okay.
He's a good guy.

- I told you.
- (chuckles)

So...

Yeah.

We were good, though,
weren't we?

We were really good.

(chuckles)

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

- You may kiss the bride.
- (laughs)

(cheering and applause)

Yay!

(laughing)

(vocalizing)

♪♪

♪ There's got to be
another way ♪

Shall we?

♪ I've been on my own
all day ♪

♪ Pretending everything's
all right ♪

♪ We've been drifting apart ♪

♪ For sometime ♪

♪ There's fire burning
in the trees ♪

♪ May be life is
the way it seems ♪

What do we tell people?

When we get back home
and we see our friends,

what do we say?

We tell them...

we broke up.

♪♪

♪ I never want to fade away ♪

♪ Wanna turn
as the seasons change ♪

♪ And every time
you come around ♪

♪ Well, the days of the year ♪

♪ Just slow ♪

♪ Down ♪

♪ My love ♪

♪ My love ♪

♪ My love ♪

♪ My love ♪

♪♪

Oh, my God. Guys, I have
the biggest news ever.

(exhales)

Let's go tell Jayson.

Let's go.

♪♪

Hey, uh, are those my shorts?

No, they're mine.

Baby, the oven's broken.
Can you come fix it?

♪♪ (stops)

Why are you recording me?

Oh, come on, just fix the oven.

- Please? Come on.
- Okay.

- What's wrong with it?
- I don't know.

- Well, it's not on.
- It isn't?

No. And there's just one
hamburger bun in there.

What... Are we hav...

Did you put this in here?

I... I don't know.

Well, I didn't put it in here.

Uh, I think you did.

(chuckles)

Okay. What is it again?

It's a bun in the oven.

Yep.

Oh, my God.
Baby, really?

- Are you really pregnant?
- Yes.

- Seriously?
- Yes!

Oh, my God.

This is the best news ever!

We're having a baby!
We're having a baby!

We are having a baby!

We're having a baby!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

♪ We're having a baby! ♪

♪ We're having ♪

♪ A baby ♪

♪ We're having ♪

♪ A baby ♪

♪ We're having a baby ♪

♪ We're having a baby ♪

♪♪

♪ I know what's in my heart ♪

♪ I know that's
where Heaven starts ♪

♪ It's with you, babe ♪

♪ It's with
you, babe ♪

♪ Mm-hmm ♪

♪ Waited my whole life
for this ♪

♪ No way I would let it slip ♪

♪ But with you, babe ♪

♪ With you
I never felt like this ♪

♪ And I say
sha-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ I feel good,
I feel good ♪

♪ And I say
sha-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ I feel good,
I feel good ♪

♪ And no one gonna
take this from me ♪

♪ I'm feeling
as good as can be ♪

♪ Oh, with you, babe ♪

♪ Oh, with you ♪

♪ Yeah, my soul is free ♪

♪ And I say
sha-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ I feel good,
I feel good ♪

♪ And I say
sha-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ I feel good,
I feel good ♪

♪ And we've come so far now ♪

♪ And I'm ready for some more ♪

♪ Bring on tomorrow ♪

♪ I need more, more ♪

♪ More ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Yeah ♪