Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
Good gravy, look at here.
Says that one out of every three
of our leisure dollars is spent
in some kind of an
amusement park.
Mickey Mouse is a
billion-dollar industry.
For crying out...
You know, if you've
got to have theme parks,
you know, why not give the kids
some real heroes to look up to?
You know what I mean?
Like generals,
astronauts, postal workers,
uh, pioneers.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Back up there, Cliff.
Postal workers?
Sure. Yeah, why not?
Hey, why not indeed.
Get this.
Postal World.
Huh?
No, hey, hey,
that's... that's not half bad.
No. It's all bad.
No, no, no.
No. No, no, no.
Just imagine this.
You know, a whole
amusement complex
devoted to the
postal experience.
I mean, all of America
could thrill to the glory
and-and the pageantry
and the passion that is
the US Postal Service.
And you
seriously think that'll work?
Oh, you bet I do.
You know... You know,
if I can peddle this idea,
I might be able to
make some real money
and get out of
this dead-end job.
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
♪ You want to be
where you can see ♪
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
♪ You want to be where
everybody knows your name ♪
♪ You want to go
where people know ♪
♪ People are all the same ♪
♪ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
Uh,
we got a delivery here
for Woody Boyd.
Already?
Oh, boy!
Great. Sign right there.
Hey, uh, Sam, you
think Miss Howe will mind
if I put this in her office
till the end of my shift?
That depends. What's in it?
4,000 bees.
Then, by all means.
Woody,
I didn't know you kept bees.
Oh, are you kidding?
Hey, when I was a kid,
you couldn't keep me away
from my Uncle Fergy's hives.
In fact, you'll never guess
what they used to call me.
The kid
rolling around on
the ground in agony
covered with painful welts?
No.
Uh, Woody, the beekeeper.
Oh.
But you couldn't
have known that.
Yeah, Uncle Fergy always
told me that when he retired,
he'd send me a batch of
his best buck fast bees.
Huh? This is gonna be great.
Woody, are you sure it's safe
to keep those things in here?
Oh, Mr. Clavin, a
bee won't hurt you
unless you scare him.
Like my Uncle
Fergy always told me,
move slowly and methodically,
and a bee can be
your best friend.
Go for it, Cliff.
It's the best offer
you ever had.
Oh, well, if it
isn't the boss lady
rolling in at the cr*ck of 3:30.
You know, I'm afraid
I'm going to have
to tell your superior
and my close personal
friend, Mr. Stone,
that you were late.
You're a lousy snitch, Malone.
Hey, that's not true,
and I'm gonna tell
him you said that.
Tell him whatever
you want to tell him.
I don't care.
I'm sick and tired
of spending my time
catering to the whims
of that psycho Stone.
Um, how many "K"s in "psycho"?
Oh, hi, Miss Howe.
Uh, you got a message.
Mr. Stone got fired,
and the new Executive
Vice President wants
to see you in his office
at 4:30 p.m. sharp.
Let me see that.
This is a blank piece
of paper, Woody.
Well, I know.
I just carried it to remind
me to give you the message.
Stone's out?
My main man
at HQ?
Boy. I mean, there go
all my corporate hopes.
Wait a minute.
I don't have any
corporate hopes.
Well, this gets you off the
hook a little bit, doesn't it?
Don't be so sure.
Things don't change.
It's just another executive
who will take an
instant dislike to me,
and then make my life hell.
Unless... he's been
reading my reports
and sees that I've
been treated unfairly
and decides to
champion me in the firm.
Come off it!
I'm sure he's already
heard the stories,
and he's just gonna bring
me in there and laugh at me.
I need to calm down.
I'm beginning to
hear buzzing sounds.
What the hell is in this box?
Those are my bees, Miss Howe.
Enough said.
Hey, can I keep them in
there till then end of the day?
Sure. Anything you want.
In my mood, I'll
agree to anything.
Sounds like my cue.
Oh, Sammy.
Sammy, for crying out loud.
Why is it always the great ones
that never know when to retire?
Oh, hey, come on.
I'm the Cy Young
of skirt-chasing.
Yeah. Cy Young's 108 and dead,
and still doing better with
Rebecca than you are.
Uh, it's all right.
I know what my problem was.
I made too big a
deal out of everything.
I've always been at my
best when I'm spontaneous.
I'm just gonna go in here
and say whatever
comes to my mind.
You ready, Norm? FRASIER:
Say, what are those?
Visual aids.
Good Afternoon, Miss Howe.
I believe you've met my
associate, Mr. Peterson.
How do you do?
What is this?
Well, since you
admire the people
in the business world so much,
I thought that I would try
speaking to you in a language
that you might understand.
First graph, please.
Norm, how much did
he pay you to do this?
Oh, come now.
Mr. Malone and I go way back.
We're dear old friends.
$80. Not yet.
Okay. Now, this first graph
represents your dating history.
There's nothing on it.
Exactly. Next graph, please.
Now, this line represents
the sexual drive
of a woman about your age
throughout her entire life.
All right.
Now, this line here
represents the sexual drive
of a man about my age.
You'll notice that
these two lines
intersect at approximately 4:27
this afternoon right here.
What's that?
My place.
Thank you, Mr. Peterson.
That'll be all.
You know, Norm, I would
have expected this of Sam,
but I can't believe
you were part of it.
Well, it was either this,
or, uh, listening to Cliff
sing the "Ave Maria."
♪ Ave Maria... ♪
Please, five more minutes.
Could I please?
Oh, oh, oh, oh. I've got some...
I got work to do here, man.
All right.
♪ Ave... ♪
Well, that, uh, concludes
the formal part of our program.
Now,
let's get naked.
Sam, I am very flattered
that you went to the trouble
to buy a pointer.
But I'm not going out with you.
Oh, come... Why?
Because I'm
concentrating on my career.
That's fine.
But before you make
the final decision on this,
let's try this.
Have sex with me 25 times,
and if at the end of the
night you're still not sure,
then I won't say another thing.
No. No.
Sam, look, I have
wasted too much time.
I'm not getting any younger.
And I've made a decision
to only date men who
can help my career.
You know, they have a
name for women like that.
Yeah. Vice President.
Hey, you know, I'll tell
you something, lady.
You-You know, you go ahead
and have a career of
sucking up to people
that will get you ahead.
You know, I
wouldn't date you now
if-if you got down on your
hands and knees and begged me
to go out with you.
You... You want proof?
Go ahead. Come on.
Ask me out on a date.
Sam, you have
tried this ploy before.
No, I'm serious. Ask me.
Will you go out with me?
No, not in a million years.
Not if you were the last woman
on earth.
Okay. Now we know I can do it.
Let's celebrate.
Oh.
Here you go, Miss.
Thank you.
You work here at headquarters?
No, I'm out in the field
in a managerial position.
I'm here for a meeting
with the new Executive
Vice President, Mr. Teal.
Ooh.
He's tough.
You nervous?
Hardly.
I've seen so many
suits come and go,
that now I just
take them in stride.
I admire that.
Of course, I admire anything
with those dark smoldering eyes.
Excuse me.
If you would like...
It's getting a little
crowded in here.
Maybe we could
continue this conversation
over dinner tonight.
You're asking me to dinner?
Dinner and who knows?
Oh.
Well, that sounds fine.
Should we take my car,
or will your mommy
be driving us?
What?
Oh, and I have
one other strict rule.
I like all my guys to eat
all their nice vegetables
and not spill anything
on their bibbums.
Mr. Teal, your secretary must
have stepped out for a moment.
I'm Rebecca Howe.
What an honor to meet you, sir.
No, no, no, I'm not Martin Teal.
I am.
I see you've met Dennis,
my administrative aide.
I'm so sorry, Mr. Teal.
I didn't realize that...
My age probably threw you.
As it often does.
After all,
how many corporate executives
have graduated
from Harvard at 18,
Wharton Business School at 20,
and assumed a
major leadership role
while still practically in
the flower of their youth?
He's fair
but firm, and hates yes men.
Thank you, Dennis.
Yes, sir.
Get the door. Right.
I called this meeting
so that we could
get better acquainted,
but now I don't suppose
that's necessary.
Believe me, Mr. Teal, I would...
May I call you Mister?
I would never have
been so harsh with you
in that elevator if...
I hadn't been so...
powerfully tempted to say yes.
And I couldn't, because
I make it a policy to never date
anyone in the company. Mistake.
I think that's a good policy.
Oh, as a policy, yes.
I missed the "policy" part.
Yes, I think
that's a very good policy.
That's why I've decided
to have you terminated.
Oh, thank you, sir,
for easing the tension
of what could have been
a very difficult moment.
Yes, I think it's a
very good policy
not to date fellow employees.
But, of course, I'm not
an employee, Miss Howe.
I'm an employer.
That's true, sir.
In light of that, would
you like to reconsider
my earlier offer of dinner?
Oh, well, now you're forcing me
to tell you the real reason
why I couldn't
accept your poetic
and, may I say, very
touching proposal.
And that reason is that I...
You're seeing someone else?
That's it!
Oh, very good,
sir... bull's-eye.
Who's the lucky devil?
Oh, it's just
somebody at the bar.
Sam Malone.
I see.
Well, fair enough.
Margie, have Sam Malone fired.
Forgive me again, Rebecca.
We'll say no more about this.
Sit down.
I called you here today
because I've decided
to reinstate you
as the sole manager of Cheers.
Oh, thank you, sir.
You're a wonderful man.
And I want to assure you
that our earlier
misunderstanding
will have absolutely no bearing
on our working relationship.
Good.
I hope you'll forgive me, though
if I do...
occasionally dream
about your dark,
haunting eyes.
Nothing would make
my eyes happier, sir.
Well, then, there's hope.
Till we meet again?
Margie, get me
Sam Malone at Cheers.
Sir?
May I ask why
you're calling him?
Oh, I just thought
I'd introduce myself
have a little chat.
I didn't get where I am today
without sizing up
the competition.
And I suppose
you'll be mentioning
my relationship with Sam.
Might come up.
Then I'd better come clean.
He's at lunch.
Call him back in an hour.
It's a bit late for lunch.
He had a big breakfast.
I have to run, sir. Bye-bye.
Okay, little bee buddies!
Here comes dinner!
Equal parts sugar and water.
Can you blame 'em for loving it?
Sure nobody wants to help?
No, they're all yours, Woody.
Okay, but you haven't lived,
till you've heard the
soft, warm, contented hum
of a well-fed hive.
That's not it.
Those bees loose in there?
It's nothing to worry about.
I'll just go in and
round them up.
My Uncle Fergy sent
his beekeeping gear
in one of these boxes.
I, uh, don't mean to be
an alarmist, or anything,
but I think I saw one
of those bees fly out
when you closed the door.
I, uh, well, I sort
of have this thing
about, uh, insects.
Relax, Frasier.
The last thing that bee
wants to do is sting you.
Stings you, he dies.
True.
Unless, of course, it's one
of those rare, rogue bees.
Oh, Frasier, there he is!
He just flew down your shirt!
I was wrong.
It was just a piece of lint.
Well, thank goodness you told me
before I made a fool of myself.
I'm ready, guys.
The smoke will
calm them right down
so I can get them all rounded up
before Miss Howe
even knows about this.
Oh, hi, Miss Howe.
Uh, listen,
I was wondering if I could
use your phone for a second,
in private, with
you not in there...
Not that there's anything
wrong, or anything.
Why would I think that?
So... how'd your meeting go?
It was very nice.
I met the new boss Mr. Teal.
We exchanged pleasantries.
You're no longer the co-manager
and have been
demoted to just bartender.
Demoted?
Just like that?
You mean the company didn't even
have the courtesy to
give me a phone call?
By the way, Sam,
you had a phone
call this afternoon.
You've been demoted.
Why didn't you tell me?
What do I look like,
an answering service
for bartenders?
Sam, I do have some
really good news, though.
What?
I'm accepting your offer.
Which offer is
that? Dinner, silly.
Is this pity?
'Cause I just want
to know how to dress.
No, it's not pity.
Boy, from now on,
I'm just going to stop
being coy.
Cheers.
Sam, Martin Teal for you.
Oh.
Uh, hello, Mr. Teal.
Oh, no, no.
No, there's no
need to apologize.
As a matter of
fact, I think, uh,
my new position's gonna get me
into all sorts of new positions.
Well, yea... yes.
Um, as a matter of fact,
we are going out tonight.
Boy, news travels fast.
Um... yes.
Yes, she is beautiful.
I-I will, I will take
good care of her, sir.
Could you...
Could you hold on
for a second here?
I think I, uh... There's
a fire somewhere here.
You're only going out with me
'cause you want to
avoid this guy, am I right?
Don't be silly, Sam.
You're my guy.
Could you hold for a second?
Now, you told me you wanted
to go out with somebody
who was rich and powerful.
This guy is rich and powerful,
and yet you still
want to date me?
I mean, come on. What's
wrong with this picture?
Oh.
What's wrong with his picture?
I got to see this turnip.
Yes, sir, I, uh,
I found out what
was on fire there, uh...
Well, Rebecca...
Rebecca's burning
my love letters.
She says we're
all through. Yeah.
What's that, Rebecca?
Oh, she wants
to talk to you, sir.
No.
Hello, sir.
Yes, it is very sudden.
Oh, no, it's gonna take me
a long, long time
to get over this.
8:00 tonight would be fine.
I'll see you then, sir.
Uh, sir, sir, are you there?
Yeah, listen, I hope
you do us the honor
of coming down to our
establishment for a drink
'cause we... well, we sure would
love to welcome you aboard.
Okay, thank you.
No sudden movements.
No need to worry.
I'm just gonna take
them home with me.
I just hope I have
exact change for the bus.
No sudden movement.
I forgot, we close at 2:00.
And I so wanted everyone
to meet you, Martin.
Well, maybe next time.
Hi, Rebecca!
What were you all
doing down there?
Uh, we were playing,
uh, hide and seek.
Who was seeking?
I guess that's why it
was going so slowly.
So, you must be, uh,
Mr. Teal.
Well, this is
an honor, sir.
This is Sam Malone
and a bunch of other people.
Yeah, you know,
we've been waiting
for this moment
for a long time.
Geneva on the car phone, sir.
Will you excuse me for a moment?
Go ahead. Get it over with.
Get what over with?
The stupid cradle-robber jokes.
Did I cut his meat at dinner,
or did he order beanie weenies.
We don't know what
you're talking about,
Rebecca.
Unless... oh.
Well, he, he is a little young.
What's wrong with the
fact that he's young?
Well, no, nothing at all.
Unless you're planning on
taking him across state lines.
Okay, guys, let's leave
these two lovebirds
to themselves here.
Well, all right,
home to my swarm.
I just hope they
stayed in the room
like I told them. Yeah.
Woody, uh, that swelling
go down yet, buddy?
Yeah, almost.
I can nearly button
my cuffs now.
Well, I hope you had
a good time tonight.
No, but at least now I know
why I never stood
a chance with you.
I mean, I have all these flaws.
I'm-I'm tall. I'm good-looking.
I'm old enough to vote.
You know, Martin
can pick up the phone
and get a reservation at
any top restaurant in Boston
at a moment's notice.
Oh, and I can't?
Well, pick up the phone
and get me a reservation at,
uh... Chez Maurice.
I already said I can't.
I do have an in at
Shea Stadium, though.
All right.
Granted, Martin isn't
exactly what I pictured,
but he can help my career.
And it wouldn't be in my
best interest to say no.
Oh, please!
You don't have the
guts to say no to this guy.
That is absolutely not true!
I choose to not have the guts
to say no to this guy.
And so what if it
helps my career?
He gets something
out of it, too.
Yeah, I bet he does.
I resent that.
I'll have you know
that he has been
nothing but a
perfect little gen...
a perfect gentleman.
Which is something
you wouldn't
understand, Mr. Groin!
I mean, here are two people
that are getting
something out of this...
No strings attached,
and nobody's getting hurt.
End of discussion.
Where's Rebecca?
She's in the office,
and I'm on my way out.
Sam, before you take off...
Um, are you planning
on winning Rebecca back?
No.
Excellent.
Because I'm a man
who gets what he wants,
and I've decided I want her.
You're giving her a doorknob?
It's a diamond ring, Sam.
You know, isn't a diamond ring
what guys usually give
when they're about to...?
That's right, Sam.
When I see something I want,
I see no reason to wait for it.
Now if you'll excuse me,
I have a deal to close.
Hey, don't take no
for an answer, sir.
I never do.
Oh...
Rebecca?