I was starting to think
you weren't coming.
Dr. Angelo's office was packed up.
- What did she say?
- The tests don't detect a viral load.
- I guess the drug cocktail is working.
- That's great news.
Maybe I don't have to get a lawyer
now. The hospital might let it go.
I know. It's still transmittable.
It's not a reason to make you shuffle
paper for the rest of your career.
If I still have a career.
I have a meeting with Dr. Greene and
Dr. Anspaugh in minutes.
And I think you're too valuable
to rubber-stamp admits all day long.
Thanks.
This is on me.
No matter what happens in there,
this is great news.
- Sled to work, Dr. Greene?
- Christmas present for my daughter.
- That's it?
- You remember sliding in those...
...snow-covered bluffs with the cold
wind blowing through your hair.
We didn't have too many
snow-covered bluffs in Atlanta.
We did. I coasted right through
rush-hour traffic, got hit by a car.
Didn't they have
one of those dolls that wet itself?
Every toy in the store had a tie-in
to a movie I was too busy to see.
I don't know what Duke Nukem was,
but he looked pretty nasty.
You made a good choice with the sled.
- You look awful. When did you start?
- Yesterday morning.
- Mark, you ready?
- Good morning. I just gotta change.
- For you, Dennis.
- Somebody's trying to touch me?
It's a lady.
Hey, Monique.
You're at the airport?
Was it canceled?
Come on, I thought
we've been through this already.
You want the two of us to decide?
None of us here would want
any of our team endangering patients.
As Attendings, you're closest to
the everyday workings of the ER.
So there is no hospital-wide policy.
Legal advises
we handle it department by department.
So if we get sued, it's the individual
attending's butt that's on the line?
If the public learned that we had
an HIV-positive health-care worker...
...and started filing suits,
all of our butts would be on the line.
So these workers can be fired because
the hospital doesn't want to be sued.
In Illinois you can't fire employees
because they're HIV-positive.
- But people have been forced to quit.
- Nobody is forcing anybody to quit.
What about restricting duties so they
no longer fit the job description?
I wouldn't presume to tell you two
how to run your department, but...
...to give you an idea about the current
thinking, these are the CDC findings...
...IIlinois state law
and pending legal cases...
...and various NIH
and journal reports.
I know you two have had your
differences in the past.
Do you think you can work together
and solve this?
Absolutely.
Sure.
Can you put on the card "Merry
Christmas, Mom. Love, Doug"?
And can you make that
a rush order?
Dennis, what is up with that shower?
I froze my ass off this morning.
- Did you hear the opera?
- Ll Figaro?
Mrs. Needlebaum. minutes
of sing-along with Pavarotti...
...and she uses up all the hot water.
- Did you get any sleep last night?
- No, I had admits.
- Fifteen? Wow!
Only more hours and then Yuletide
cheer with the Carter family.
I feel bad subjecting you
and your girlfriend to my family.
It's not going to happen.
Monique isn't coming.
- Not at all?
- She said she had work.
Oh, damn. I thought you guys
were going to work it out too.
It's her loss. I'll be a little late
with all these new patients.
No worry. Things don't get interesting
until Uncle Branch starts drinking.
- You got your picks for the Bowl pool?
- Here. How much is it? Five bucks?
- Twenty.
- Twenty, that's highway robbery.
- How much is in the pot?
- .
I'm with you for Rose and Fiesta, but
Cotton and Liberty are a waste.
Why is everyone standing around
when I'm drowning with patients?
- I'm on hold with the florist.
- Not anymore you're not.
- And merry Christmas Eve to you.
- Please don't talk to me about it.
At : this morning my mother
decided she had to start the varenyky.
- Aren't those little dumplings?
- Yeah.
She also picked the pre-dawn hour
to harass me about the party.
So you're wearing that sexy
Ukrainian shepherdess outfit?
It was either that
or endure hours of nagging.
Okay, snowmobile
foot lac in the Suture Room.
Toddler eating mistletoe in .
Slip-and-fall in .
Watch out for Carol.
It's Christmas in the Ukraine.
- Is her mom making little dumplings?
- Don't ask.
I heard Anspaugh is having
some kind of secret meeting.
- Anything we should know about?
- We have to hammer out a policy...
...on HIV-positive
health-care workers.
Anybody we know?
Really?
He is trying to k*ll me. He ain't
getting this goose, I stuffed it...
...trussed it, called my -year-old
grandma to get her marinade recipe.
- Oh, yeah, this gentleman...
- Female illusionist.
...got into an argument with his
boyfriend. It got heated, and he...
- she started getting chest pain.
It was like an elephant
sitting on my chest with attitude.
- She was diaphoretic.
- I never said that!
- That means sweaty.
- Yeah.
It nearly ruined my gown.
Pressure's over ,
resp is , slightly tachy at .
- Tacky? This is a Bob Mackie original.
- Get ready. One, two, three...
I need a chest x-ray,
cardiac enzymes and an EKG.
- Okay, Miss...?
- Understood.
Of "Miss Understood and the Mighty
Morphin Gender Changers."
We are at Club Cabaret
every Friday and Saturday.
Give me the goose now so
we can attach an EKG to your chest.
You want me to give you
my Christmas dinner? No!
- Give me the damn bird.
- Where are you going to put it?
With the rest
of your personal belongings.
It'd better be. I don't want to wake
up and see you picking your teeth.
- Are you on any medication?
- Not besides the hormones.
- Have you had chest pain before?
- When I get emotional...
...or on that time of the month.
- It's someone in this department.
- Who?
I don't know.
It's just the word on the street.
Tech on third floor heard it from
a night guy, and now a secret meeting.
- See, that's how rumors get started.
- A rumor? Am I missing a good one?
Attendings got pulled into a meeting,
but they won't say what it's about.
About someone with HIV,
but you didn't hear it from me.
Randi, do something with these
personal effects. They're perishable.
Jeanie, head lac in Exam .
Conni, if you're not too busy...
Some folks are getting too fond of the
"manager" part of nurse manager.
- No kidding.
- Carol?
Sorry, but Mark
assigned me to Triage today.
Come on, guys! Why do I have to push
all the time? I'm not your mother.
Excuse me, I need a doctor.
- Fill these out in the waiting room.
- No, I'm looking for Dr. Ross.
For a medical problem?
You still need to fill out this form.
The waiting room is that way.
- Does it hurt here?
- Yes.
We're going to need a facial and a
mandibular series, mg of Demerol...
...and Phenergan, I.M.
Try and rustle up an oral surgeon too.
Good luck with that.
And get me a gram of Ancef, I.M.
You got it.
Are you allergic to any meds?
Okay, I think that your jaw is broken.
The antibiotics will keep bacteria
from getting into your bloodstream.
But looking at your chart here,
I guess you know the drill, huh?
Humerus fracture, .
Nasal fracture, .
Multiple visits for suture, .
And your first broken jaw, December ' .
I guess hubby thought
he'd go out with a bang this year too.
- It was an accident.
- Your face got in the way of his fist.
What if we change the disclosure
to include...
...that people might be treated
by an HIV-positive worker?
- And start a witch hunt?
- We have to inform patients by law.
- I take it you haven't read this.
- Americans with Disabilities Act.
- What is it? Proposals, addenda?
- Here.
It says that you can't disclose one
risk without disclosing equal risks.
- Meaning?
- The patient doesn't have a choice...
...whether they're treated by someone
with a flu or with a hangover...
...a doc who had a fight. An
intern who's been on for two days...
...someone with HIV.
Illinois law says we can't
prevent people from knowing...
...they've been put at risk.
We have to tell them.
You'd rather follow the Illinois law
than the federal statute?
Because I'm concerned doesn't mean
I'm some kind of bigot.
Your concern can't be extended to
prevent Jeanie from earning a living.
Nobody is talking about f*ring her.
But we do have
a responsibility to our patients.
What about our responsibility towards
her? She uses universal precautions.
- Are you frightened? Is that it?
- I'm trying to avoid lawsuits.
You think I want to get sued?
But exposing her private tragedy
ensures lawsuits and mass hysteria.
- We break the law?
- Lf we have to, yes.
I care about Jeanie...
...but there's a larger issue than
your personal loyalty to a friend.
Sorry to interrupt, but we're swamped.
Whenever your done.
- We're done now.
- Mark, we haven't even made a dent.
Would you rather jeopardize patient
care by ignoring a jam in Triage?
Who's next? Santa Claus?
No, that's who's next.
Three hookers.
One with downstairs discharge,
and two with frostbite.
I turn around, next thing I know,
the ribbon's hanging from his mouth.
- All I could get was the leaves.
- How many berries were on the stalk?
Maybe four.
- And he wasn't vomiting?
- No.
This mistletoe is good stuff,
but we gotta get it out.
He asked for juice. I didn't want
to give him any till you approved.
Lily, make a bottle
half juice, half activated charcoal.
Coming right up.
We're going to give him a bottle
to absorb some of the toxins.
Excuse me.
There you are. I've been looking
for you at the shelter. Come here.
- How is he?
- There was blood in his diaper.
- In the stool or the urine?
- I'm pretty sure it was in the pee.
I gotta get him home before his mom
gets back. If not, she'll kick me out.
You need to get his mother here now.
Can't you just hook him up
with pills or something?
No, I can't just hook him up with
some pills. Get his mother here.
- What happened to him?
- The guy's name is John Collins.
He was drunk and sleeping in the park.
Some kids thought it would be fun...
...to pour lighter fluid on him
and play yule log.
He wouldn't let us put oxygen on him.
He kept screaming about Nick.
He's got extensive third-degree
burns to the chest.
It's the guy's dog. Barked at a
mounted cop until he checked it out.
Randi, can you take care of this dog?
You take care of my Nick now.
You take care of my Nicky.
- Take it easy, Mr. Collins.
- He'll be in a kennel.
- No! No kennel, he's all I've got.
- Extremities are toast. No IV, no BP.
- He needs massive fluids.
- You gotta promise me, doc.
- Promise me now.
- We'll look after it, just be quiet.
On my count, everyone.
I'm going to need a cutdown tray.
Get me blood gas with CO level, CBC,
Chem- , a portable chest for openers.
Is he okay?
He's got a mass in his abdomen.
Once I get inside
I'll know how bad it is.
- Is it bad?
- Yes.
- The ultrasound is ready.
- Did you get hold of the mother?
- She isn't home.
- Any adult relatives?
There aren't any. I take care of him
when Gloria's not around.
Hang on.
There it is.
He's hemorrhaging into his kidney.
Get lytes, a CBC, a CT of the abdomen.
- Haleh, page the O.R. Too.
- What does it say?
Ahmed's got something called a Wilms'
tumor. You see that area there?
- That fluid?
- The light gray?
Yes, that's blood.
The tumor's invading his kidney.
That's why you see
all that blood in his diaper.
- I should've brought him here before.
- I gotta get him to the O.R.
I knew he was sick.
Is he gonna die?
You did a good thing, Charlie.
Now dissect the right colon off
the anterior surface of the tumor.
- Shall I retract the tumor laterally?
- Yes, very gently.
That's it.
You say that the babysitter
brought the child in?
Yes, the mother was nowhere to be
found. Dr. Ross knows the girl.
Now retract the tumor laterally.
Tie off the renal vein and artery
and ureter and transect it.
Slowly, now.
Avoid the left renal vessels.
Now free up the kidney,
and we'll take it out.
- All the pretty, twinkly lights.
- That's why you danced with the elves.
I'd like some sherry now.
- What's your name, ma'am?
- I'm Blitzen.
- The most overlooked of all reindeer.
- Blitzen.
It's your lucky day, Beth.
You only have a fractured cheekbone.
It means you can go home.
Unless you don't want to.
There is a shelter called Hope House
for women and kids in trouble.
- I don't have kids.
- It's okay, you can go there alone.
- They have security.
- He'll find me.
They have reciprocal agreements with
shelters all over the country.
- You could go anywhere you want.
- Sweetheart, are you okay?
I knew I should have fixed
that top step, but I've been so busy.
Do you forgive me?
Can you forgive me, honey?
I love you.
That's my girl.
- Is she going to be all right?
- We're actually not done, Mr. Lang.
We still need to do a head CT, facial
tomograms, put her on IV antibiotics.
- Is that going to take long?
- We do our best with the holidays.
Family isn't allowed in the exam
area. Malik, show him the chairs.
Sure.
I'll be right outside, honey.
So you want to hear
some more about those shelters?
- No good?
- I've tried cookies, fruitcake.
- Nobody likes fruitcake.
- I thought dogs ate everything.
Why not take him to the morgue
and let him beg for table scraps?
That's Mr. Collins.
Maybe he knows what you like to eat.
I think he likes you.
- What's going on?
- While moving him to the burn unit...
...he had shortness of breath.
BP's palp, tachycardic at .
All right, get me
a -mg IV bolus of Lasix.
- We need to intubate, . .
- He's bradying down.
- Rate's , no pulse.
- Damn it! Get me a mg of atropine.
- Start CPR.
- Asystole.
All right, let's give him an amp of
epi. Come on Mr. Collins. Come on.
I don't care if Psych is backed up.
She thinks she's a reindeer.
Well, dangerous?
You know, she bruised an elf.
- Excuse me, miss.
- Who parked in the ambulance bay?
The car's mine, actually my employer's.
I'm looking for a missing person.
Take a number, sir.
The line starts in the waiting room.
- It's a woma"n with a hand puppet.
- Did you say puppet?
- You found him something to munch on.
- He found it himself.
- Are dogs meant to eat chicken bones?
- Is that chicken?
Charlie, Ahmed is out of surgery.
He's going to be okay.
- I can take him home now?
- No, he'll need time to recover.
- Gloria is going to be pissed.
- I'm going to have to call DCFS.
- You're going to narc her out?
- I'm not narcing on anybody.
The boy's been sick. The mother
should have seen that weeks ago.
Gloria didn't know. She just
found out. She sounds really worried.
- Come on, she'll throw me out.
- So you live with her.
- So you lied to me about the shelter.
- Come on, please.
All right, I'll give her a chance.
But I'm not promising you anything.
Eating hospital food? That desperate?
Come on, let's get some lunch.
- You scared me.
- The surgery went really well.
Yeah, it did.
My : hernia was canceled.
So I am free tonight. So I figured,
if you hadn't made any plans...
...I could make my traditional
phone call to Pizza Ring.
I got a family thing.
I already asked
a friend of mine to go with me.
I understand.
It was last minute anyway.
- Christmas Eve.
- I'll rent a movie, it's what I do.
Let me talk to my buddy. He was tired
earlier. He may prefer to go home.
So... Let's do something later.
Pizza sounds great.
Gingerbread. It always reminds me of
Christmas at home. You ever do that?
In a civilized society, people
acknowledge each other's speech.
You want to talk about
Christmas at my home?
Home is where my mom got bombed out
of her mind and brought a drunk home.
Then she'd pass out, giving him
the idea he'd rather sleep with me.
All right, we know why you left.
How far did you run?
- From Cleveland.
- Did you call her lately?
She probably moved on by now. She
never stays anywhere for very long.
Both of these, plus the three Danish,
the two packets of cocoa...
...and the two dinner rolls
in her pocket.
Great. Thanks.
- Hey.
- Hey, man.
I have now changed every drain and
lanced every boil in this hospital.
hours. I'm now ready for
that Jell-O thing your cook makes.
Aspic. That's what I want
to talk to you about.
Say no more.
I have an aunt who makes chitterlings.
You don't even want to know
what that's all about.
Okay. There is a chance that
I may not be able to make the party.
- Are you working?
- No.
There's this girl.
- That's cool, I understand.
- You're sure?
Who wants to hang with his homies
when he can be with a honey?
- You gonna be...?
- I'll be fine.
- It's a chance to go home and sleep.
- Don't hang over me. I'll be fine.
Let's do something tomorrow night.
Go out, get a couple of beers.
I'm on tomorrow night.
I know what universal precautions are.
Does it refer to double gloves here?
- You're exaggerating with guidelines.
- And participating in bloody trauma?
- Nothing wrong with that.
- Bloody trauma.
- Maybe that's the deal with Dr. Lewis.
- I don't think Susan's HIV-positive.
- Susan is fine.
- That's what I said.
- Lydia's been sick a lot lately.
- Shut your mouth.
I expect more from you than gossiping
about a coworker's HIV status.
Kerry and I have been hammering out
a policy. There's no secret there.
This shouldn't be a grist
for the rumor mill.
Why should we have HIV-positive
employees in ER at all?
According to the current law,
Employee X...
...cannot be fired
because of their HIV status.
- But they can deal with bloody trauma?
- Why not, if they're gloved?
- Was it from a needle stick?
- What difference does it make?
Should Employee X be restricted
to non-invasive procedures?
- Or continue with their duties?
- Won't universal precautions be safe?
That's what we're told when we're
working on HIV-positive patients.
The real question here is whether
our patients have the right to know.
This has no reflection
upon my opinion of Employee X's work.
- Is there an actual Employee X?
- It's a policy. It could be any of us.
Excuse me.
Would everyone
stop calling me Employee X?
I am HIV-positive.
We talked about this.
The risks of her bleeding into an
open wound while suturing are remote.
I'm not saying she can't work,
but I'm trying to set the boundaries.
You set the boundaries at Triage and
answering phones. That's not her job.
I have no troubles if she performs
her duties within limits.
Dispensing medication, that's fine.
But some things aren't. For example:
It says here, "Deep-penetrating,
poorly visualized cavities."
That's from the CDC.
I think that should be off-limits.
- I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it.
- Okay. See, progress.
You know, Mark. Since I found out,
I have been a lot more careful.
- You think I would harm a patient?
- No, I don't.
But the administration
has left it up to Kerry and I...
...to create a policy that the
government can't seem to agree on.
I've agonized over this.
I've considered quitting, but...
...my life can still have value.
I can still help people.
What else are you worried about?
Dementia. You're fine now,
but what if you decline?
Dementia may be the first sign
of full-blown AIDS.
I've heard that there's some hospitals
that instituted a physician monitor.
Someone to help
keep tabs on the person's health.
I could do that.
Okay.
So that's one thing. What else?
- So was it a needle stick?
- I guess so. You don't think she...?
- Hi, Jeanie.
- Hi.
- Hey, Jeanie.
- Hey.
I wish I'd known.
- Would it have made us friends?
- Now, that's not fair.
Nothing is.
- Well?
- Mr. Lang. Hi.
Is Beth okay?
I've been sitting here for hours.
I'm sorry. Your wife's fall is worse
than we initially thought.
She might have to stay
overnight for observation.
Anyway, the coroner is going to have
my butt if we don't get him this guy.
So why don't you just wait?
Hey, buddy! This patient
is going to the bus station.
- A stiff?
- Miraculous recovery.
Here you go.
For your bus ticket and some burgers.
I can't take this from you.
Go on,
you got a : to Abilene to catch.
- I don't even know where that is.
- Hopefully, neither does he.
Bye.
You won the pool. Congratulations.
- That was the football pool money?
- Yeah, I thought she was a better bet.
Alternators, amusement, amm*nit*on...
- There's no animal shelters.
- Check humane societies.
You can't give him away.
You promised Mr. Collins.
That's before I paid bucks to
a drag queen for a free-range goose.
You know what happens
when they can't find homes for dogs?
- What am I gonna do with a dog?
- Dogs are great.
They're good company. They
watch your stuff when you're gone.
Your daughter will love him.
- Do you think?
- Yeah, my dad got me a dog.
Skippy, when I was .
Best present I ever got.
The two of us were like
peanut butter and jelly.
- I can take you all in for kidnapping.
- He was sick.
- Don't tell me how to raise my son!
- I'm Dr. Ross. Can I help you?
- You can give me back my son.
- Your son just had major surgery.
- I'll call the cops on your ass.
- Are you high, Gloria?
- I'm clean. You don't know anything.
- The DCFS will decide.
- You promised you wouldn't narc!
- I did give her a chance.
- She's just scared.
- You come in here messed up.
You don't ask about your critically
ill son, so why don't you have a seat?
I'll get my kid back, you bastard!
You think you can mess with a Latina?
I'll call my lawyer up in here
and sue you all!
You're just like the rest of them!
Gloria, wait up!
What's that?
The homeless guy's dog.
The dog saved his life.
I told him that I'd watch out for him,
and the next thing I know...
...the guy up and dies on me.
- So you're the proud owner of...
Well, given the season,
you should call him Saint Nick.
Well, Rachel can call him
whatever she wants.
- Rachel?
- Yes.
I thought I'd give her
a puppy for Christmas.
In case you hadn't noticed,
that dog is, like, years old.
He's ready for a midlife crisis.
He's ready for a fur replacement.
With a wash, a bow around his
neck, he won't look a day over .
- Do you know how to bathe dogs?
- What's to know?
- Could you hold him?
- Yeah, for bucks.
- Twenty bucks. It's a little steep.
- I lost my wallet. I need a loan.
- Deal.
- Okay.
- Hang on.
- You got him? Hold on.
- Damn it!
- See to your head. I'll get the dog.
- Can I get some help?
- Yeah.
- That looks pretty deep.
- Dog trauma.
Yeah, he went that way,
giving Doug a run for his money.
It looks like I need some stitches,
don't you think?
- You want me to call someone?
- No, I want you to do it.
Okay.
- Very William Powell.
- Aren't they great?
- Silk?
- Try it on.
Dr. Keaton?
Yes, Dr. Benton.
- Is this a bad time?
- No, I was reviewing some anatomy.
- May I come in for a moment?
- Sure.
First, I'd like to thank you for the
large role in the Lopez nephrectomy.
- You did a great job.
- Thank you.
That's actually why I'm here.
I'd like to do
another Pediatric Surgery rotation.
- I won't be here next rotation.
- I know.
I was hoping for your recommendation
for me with your replacement.
You're a very good surgeon, Peter,
but that's not enough for Pedes.
You've got to live
and breathe for children.
You took this rotation
to challenge yourself.
I applaud that, but I can't...
...give up a space that could be
filled by a future pediatric surgeon.
I'd be happy to talk to
Dr. Anspaugh or Morgenstern.
I hear that Don's doing some
really interesting stuff in thoracics.
No, no, no. Thank you.
I wouldn't want to waste
any more of your time.
You've got an old scar.
It looks like you've done this before.
I played rugby in high school
for a few weeks to impress a girl.
After ending on the bottom of a few
scrums, I rethought the relationship.
Jeanie, you're a great P.A.
You're an asset to the ER.
- But?
- But nothing.
I think you should stay.
And do my job, not do clerical work?
Yeah, within the limits
that we set earlier.
But you still wouldn't want me
suturing your daughter.
I don't know.
Okay.
Good as new.
When I caught up with him, he'd become
the mascot of the childrens' ward.
Thank you. Good catch.
All right, now,
I am on my way home.
For a holiday with mu shu pork,
Channel , yule log and my chair.
- How's your forehead?
- Jeanie fixed me right up.
Yeah, she's a great P.A.
All right, my work here is done.
Merry Christmas.
I'm sorry I lied to you, Mark.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- What happened here?
- Long story.
I swallowed a bunch of pills
a few years ago.
When I got back to work, people
either smothered me or ignored me.
If we aren't friends,
maybe we should be.
Well, I have a house full of crazy
relatives waiting for me.
- Merry Christmas, Carol.
- Merry Christmas.
Hey!
Hey!
What are you doing?
How did you find out where I live?
I thought I lost this.
- You did, at the cafeteria.
- And the -odd bucks that was in it?
- I needed cab fair.
- bucks worth?
- What are you doing here?
- Gloria's pissed and blames it on me.
- I can't stay there anymore.
- And?
I thought I could crash with you.
You're years old, you stole
my wallet and you've been a pain.
- You want me to stay on the streets?
- In a shelter.
Shelter on Christmas Eve?
Sounds like fun.
Hi. How did you find me?
Dr. Weaver told me
you were taking a break.
I...
I got a lot of Christmas cards...
...for Mr. And Mrs. Al Boulet. I
thought you might want to look at them.
You can sit down. I don't bite.
Aunt Nonni. What get-rich-quick
scheme is she considering this year?
Southwestern land development.
- Beats the envelope-stuffing scheme.
- And the roller disco.
I also thought
you might like to have this.
Where did you find this?
I finally got a chance to go through
some of the boxes in the house.
I found my socket set, too.
Remember that ridiculous tree
in the old apartment?
There was nothing ridiculous about it.
It was a prime piece of pine.
It was about feet too tall
for a studio apartment.
- And you refused to cut the top off.
- That would have been sacrilege.
The stucco scratches are still there.
You ate all the popcorn before I
could string it with the cranberries.
- That's different.
- How?
Because you know
how I feel about popcorn.
Hey, Dennis!
Dennis. You're sleeping.
- No, I was just resting my eyes.
- What are you still doing here?
- I've got all these charts.
- They can wait.
No, I want to finish them up.
- You are gonna get some sleep?
- Yeah, absolutely.
I'm good.
All right, man.
Hey, I hope
I'm not interrupting anything.
Well, actually I was just seducing
this fat man in a fly red suit...
...who came down the chimney,
but other than that...
Here, I brought this poinsettia.
Who knew the Zippy Mart
was still open on Christmas Eve?
Busted. I just didn't want
to show up here empty-handed.
Thank you.
- For the poinsettia.
- Yeah. Well, you're welcome.
Are you gonna come in, or are you
gonna let all this cold air in here?
- You forgot the extra chair.
- I borrowed some from next door.
The extra chair
is for the unexpected guest.
A tradition much older than you or me
or the guy next door.
There is no room. And as much as I'd
like to sit on Uncle Nico's lap...
Fine, fine. Have it your way.
First we have to have sviat vecher
on American Christmas Eve.
Then it's like pulling teeth to get
you to help me to cook.
Now, one last tradition
I ask you to assist me with.
And...
- An unexpected guest, maybe?
- Maybe.
- Hey.
- Don't say a word.
Weren't you planning
a quiet evening with Channel ?
The plan's changed.
- You're kidding me?
- She came to my place and can't stay.
It wouldn't look very good, so...
No. No way, Doug.
It's bad enough. I've got drunken
dancers reenacting the purge in here.
- It's Christmas, Carol.
- Doug, I am painfully aware of that.
Come on. Come on, Nick.
Nick, let's get out of here.
Come on, buddy.
Come on.
Mark!
I didn't hear you ring the bell.
Jennifer, guess who's here?
You won't believe
what he's got with him either.
I got Rachel Labrador puppies for
Christmas, and here you are with...
- What is he, some kind of a setter?
- Mixed breed.
- Daddy! Daddy!
- Hi, sweetheart.
- We thought you'd come tomorrow.
- Yeah, well...
- Daddy, you brought me a doggy.
- Great minds think alike.
Actually, he's my dog,
and I just wanted you to meet him.
- I'm sorry. You okay?
- Are you okay?
- Bad dog!
- The doggy didn't mean it.
- Let me take a look.
- Has he had his sh*ts yet?
Craig, let Mark take a look at it.
He's a doctor.
- Come on in, Mark.
- Okay, let's go.
Had I known she'd distract Mom,
I'd have invited her a long time ago.
- So can she stay tonight?
- No, I don't think it's a good idea.
- That's nice.
- You should make one. It's cool.
I don't know, Charlie.
I'm no Picasso.
- You chicken?
- Yeah, are you a chicken?
Yeah, I'm a chicken.
Get over there, I'll paint it.
Okay, one night.
Just one. Tonight.
- As long as we have hands to clasp.
Christmas Day will always be
just as long as we have we.
Welcome Christmas while we stand...
- I'm never gonna get sick of that.
- Do they have Dr. Seuss in Pakistan?
I don't think it's a priority.
- Will you be safe?
- You can't guarantee safety anywhere.
I feel safe here.
My father used to read the
Christmas story every Christmas Eve.
I'm so tired,
I don't even think I remember it.
- 'Twas the night before Christmas...
- And all through the house...
- Not a creature was stirring...
- Not even a mouse.
- I'm gonna miss you.
- That's not the next line.
I'm really going to miss you.
- What are you looking at?
- This tree.
It's missing something, you know?
Yeah, well Pedes did a good job with
the construction paper chain, huh?
Yeah.
That was a real gutsy thing
you did today.
Thanks.
You know, I have just the thing.
It looks good.
- Where did you get it?
- My ex-husband brought it by.
- It came off our first Christmas tree.
- That's an heirloom.
You should put it on your family tree.
I just did.