Episode 30, you
were attacked by an,
"Angry ghost who
remained in the asylum
decades after it was closed."
You showed welts
on your shoulder.
Lindsay was attacked
in episode 24?
You're right.
A hoax.
I wish this stuff wasn't true.
You'd be out of a job.
Are you concerned that some day,
you might receive
more than bruises?
He's hoping for an a**l probe.
Nikki Nobaugh, star of
five pornographic films.
Lindsay Cookson, an orphan
whose childhood trauma
caused your ESP.
What childhood trauma, exactly?
She doesn't remember, Richard.
That's why it's called trauma.
Aiden Maxim, won your PhD
by blackmailing a professor.
Dr. Aiden Maxim.
He was having it off with
students in the freshman dorm.
Educated women of age.
Who said they were women?
Zoe Chan, Marine.
Dishonorably discharged
for striking a superior.
Imagine what I'd
do to an inferior.
Richard Morgan
is our guest, Zoe.
Uh, anything to
say to me, d*ck?
Scott, you're a
skilled technician
whose gifts should be utilized
for better objectives.
Who exactly invited this guy?
We're here.
Game faces.
Oh yeah, by all means,
you uh, you guys,
step into character.
Hey, Tyler!
You know, it's
one thing to claim
you've dredged up some
18th century militiaman
in a Massachusetts B and B,
and it's another to take
money from a grieving family
to contact a deceased loved one.
Lindsay, what's
the case profile?
A lovesick ghost from
the California mining days.
You have
nothing to worry about.
Ladies.
It's not lovesick.
Uh, I quit.
It's not a ghost either.
At the cabins.
Not exactly.
It's worse.
So you talk to people
in the afterlife,
but you don't believe, right?
You're an actress.
Usually when we come
to shitholes like this,
it's uh, an old homeless
man with a gray beard
who dishes this kind
of warning crap.
Yeah, I'm older than I look.
I bet you are.
Won't be able to act
your way out of this one.
Uh, those will k*ll you.
No, they won't.
Good girl.
Where y'all from?
California.
This is California.
No, it's not.
Yes it is, Aiden.
Right, Scott?
Whew.
Sometimes,
when Daddy's gone away
for a long time,
I'm here by myself.
But families come to
stay here at the cabins.
With children.
It's forbidden to
talk to the children,
or to play with them.
I see them, but
they can't see me.
But they have toys,
the kind I want.
Sometimes, I steal them.
Sometimes.
Have you
seen the entity?
Pushes my workers.
Scares grown men.
We'll do what we can.
Have you seen the show?
Huh?
Oh.
Um, my father recommended you.
He a client?
A fan, apparently.
Our method is standard.
But complicated.
Scott?
We use sensitive equipment
to confirm you have a problem.
And if we find the
presence of a spirit,
we communicate and
encourage it to move on.
Sometimes, spirits like to
talk to a specific person,
like a family member
or a loved one.
This one's been
around for 100 years.
It probably won't ask for you.
My name's Nikki.
My job is to...
What do you do?
Lindsay's the show's empath.
I can't be here
while you do this.
Mr. Reynolds,
Zoe Chan, security.
I make sure no one
gets hurt, and I...
I don't give a
f*ck what you do.
You can burn it to the
ground if you want.
Burn it to the ground.
I missed you.
If only brains
were attractive.
Masturbation is the
devil's typewriter.
I'm gonna write a novel!
Simmons Family, 1998.
Hmm.
Oh.
Cabin 5.
Oh, bollocks!
From a scientific point of view,
this actually could be great.
But from an I'm sleeping
alone in a cursed cabin
point of view,
this totally sucks!
Redneck plumbing.
You're Tyler.
Everyone knows that.
I know something
else about you.
That's very true.
You don't still care
about him, do you?
Residual investment.
We give them so much,
and what are we left with?
Friends.
You're meant for
something bigger.
Well, he's not that big.
I'm Laura.
That's a 5D, eh?
A year ago, they took
money from my aunt,
saying that they would
contact my dead grandfather.
Ah, here we go.
Costumes to fake a
period haunting, yep.
Oh, what's this?
Green screen.
To superimpose ghosts
using cameras and software.
Proof they're scams.
Oh, h-hello.
Uh, w-where are your parents?
Um, you want me to
help you get home?
Happy?
Sure.
Love me?
Uh...
Yeah.
Leave here.
All of you.
- Why?
- Because I told you to.
But my crew, Lindsay...
Oh, that girl never learns.
What?
Go now!
I'll cut it off!
I'm sorry, Tyler.
Sometimes I make mistakes.
But I am not gonna
take sh*t from no rake.
Is that an old-fashioned word?
She's hot.
All right.
- Got him?
- Yeah.
Hey.
You okay?
Everyone's safe and sound.
Damn, I'm good.
Go now!
I'll cut it off!
Lindsay.
I missed you.
Come home.
You started without me.
A true portrait of
a man may be observed
in his ability to
work with a hangover.
We've no data on this place.
Nothing.
Why'd we take this gig?
Oh, yeah.
$20,000.
This nut thinks
he has a ghost.
If we don't match his delusion,
he'll demand a refund.
Make a reasonable myth.
He's gonna prove us wrong?
Hey.
A little help?
It's an old mining area.
Which one of you ladies
wants to be a pioneer woman?
You get to churn butter.
Then here, render
a hideous wraith.
As opposed to a nice wraith?
- Nikki?
- Hmm?
It's December.
It's 22 degrees out here.
UV report showed
it was a moderate 4.5
to a moderately high 6.5.
Have you heard of hypothermia?
A potentially fatal
condition when body temperature
falls below 95 degrees
Fahrenheit or 35 degrees celsius?
Guess I got told.
Aiden?
What's a rake?
What, your MILF call you that?
A heartless seducer.
A man who wastes his fortune
on wine, women and song.
Tyler doesn't waste
his fortune on song.
Then he must be a gardening
tool for gathering leaves.
You're a tool, Tyler.
It's official.
What's that?
I thought
I saw her today.
Charity.
We should find her.
It's 10 more grand.
- Oh.
- Tyler?
You would have reunited a lost
loved one with her family.
You'd be a hero.
I'm no hero, but I belong
to a squad of heroes.
I didn't believe that.
Give it to me one more time.
I'm no hero.
But I belong to a
squad of heroes.
Better.
Yeah, hi.
Um, I'm calling about Charity.
You
have information?
What was she wearing?
You
have the poster?
She was wearing
the same clothes?
You seen
her, or you didn't?
I'm sure you get a million
dead-end calls a day, but...
Call when
you know it's her.
See, Lindsay?
That's why having
parents isn't always
what it's cracked up to be.
Oh my God!
Oh my God!
It's gotta be done.
You p*ssy.
It closed by itself, the door!
Yeah, whatever.
I need scared.
Now, show me scared.
Yeah.
- Give it to me, yeah.
- Scare the crap out of us.
Okay.
Yeah, good,
good, good, good.
All right.
That looks good, she looks good.
- Yeah, everything looks good.
- It's really good, thank you.
Okay, Lindsay?
Yeah, yeah?
I'll get a shot of you.
- All right?
- Yeah.
Scott, got it?
Yo.
Need help?
Uh, hello?
Hey, Scott.
All right g*ng, that's a wrap.
Let the cameras
run in real time.
We'll add effects tomorrow.
Are you looking for
anything in particular?
Any one in particular?
There.
You burned the vidicon tube.
Dude, are
you from the 70s?
Leave the tech moves to me.
Tyler, you're pretty desperate
to find whacking material
of your latest lady.
Cool sound.
I'm going to town.
Need anything?
Yeah, why don't you bring
me back a 40 year old cougar
with dark hazelnut hair?
I'm lookin' for Laura.
You're that celebrity come
to town to take local women?
In Mexico, you
get shot for that.
What about you?
What time do you get off?
I do
like the woods, the forest.
There's animals there.
I can talk to
them, and pet them.
And turn them into toys.
During winter, when
no one stays here,
or in spring, when love couples
come, but without children,
the cold animals are the
only new toys I can make.
Nikki no home.
Where is she?
Maybe she's hiking.
g*dd*mn it, Scott,
keeps your hands off my stuff!
You're dead!
Lindsay?
Nikki?
It's me.
Don't worry.
Nikki, where are you?
Nikki?
Nikki, I can't hear you.
Nikki!
Boo!
Ha, that's what you get.
Oh.
Now, undo what you did.
Uh, Nikki called.
Oh, we need to have
a company meeting.
About what?
Our shares.
Nikki's share.
Lazy eye candy should not be
rewarded disproportionately.
She gets more mail than
both of you together.
From 15 year old boys.
A demographic without money.
Besides, for eye candy,
we have Lindsay and Zoe.
Maybe just Lindsay.
I'll k*ll you.
Although Tyler, Scott
and Aiden are right.
And Nikki is...
- Irresponsible?
- Absent?
I'll talk to her.
Uh, here.
You like little kids?
You're gross.
We're good?
Ah!
Victory.
There's a lot our
host didn't tell us.
I hacked a dormant archive.
Reynolds had washed everything.
From the internet?
Had to cost
a half million dollars.
This will definitely
lower his property value.
Is this place even worth
a world wide web enema?
We match our show
to these details.
The eccentric fart hid the
script, and you found it.
My genius.
It's not money.
He's ashamed.
He cleaned the past and he
wants us to clean the present.
He believes something's here.
Some of these
articles are recent.
Yeah, they're unsolved crimes.
What if the
k*ller's still here?
Maybe Jedidiah's the k*ller.
He'd have to be pretty stupid
to put a camera crew up here.
Yeah, but a serial
k*ller's great publicity.
He could be hoping that
we uncover the truth
and put it on television.
He'd be busted.
He'd be on television.
Of course, we could
be completely wrong.
We could be being
harassed by an evil entity
who's trying to get us
to pack our bags and run.
The same entity
that hurt your pinky?
Seriously?
You're sick.
The pool's empty.
Impossible.
sh*t!
Everyone else okay?
f*ck...
And yet, you haven't
radioed your colleagues?
Something made the
department give up on it.
I didn't.
Forget the police.
No offense, but I'm staying
until we grease this thing.
We're qualified.
Wrong.
I'm qualified, and I'm leaving.
We're staying.
All of us.
Aiden?
We never had to do
it for real before.
Aiden?
I won't let it get to you
before it gets to me first.
Comforting.
Are you doing okay?
Okay.
Okay.
Good news.
It didn't hurt you.
It's better news that it's
what you've been looking for,
for a long time.
It wants me outside.
f*ck this, I'm going back in.
A scary, cavernous portal
from which I shall
never emerge again.
Jeez, Aiden!
It's gone!
Zoe, Zoe, Zoe, it's
gone, it's gone!
Oh...
Uh, what is that?
Like, a clue?
Lindsay?
I'm, it's Nikki.
Lindsay, please find me!
Need help...
The present:
The lake, the woods,
the pool, the cabins.
The past:
The lake, the woods,
and this structure.
A hotel?
Mmm, even better.
You are standing on the site
of the most notorious brothel
of the California mining days.
The foundation
forms a circumference
around Cabin 5.
That's why yours truly
is at the worst of it.
Let's check it out.
Uh, how did she know?
Lindsay?
Lindsay?
Untanas.
Quertas.
Chietal.
Goyana.
Huertal.
Semveta.
- Ardal.
- Okay.
Okay, here.
What's wrong with her?
She does this sometimes.
And when the hell were
you going to inform us?
Huertal.
Quertas, Untanas,
Chietal, Goyana.
It's
okay, you're safe.
- Quertas...
- It's okay, babe.
Stop!
What
language was that?
Sumerian.
Lindsay!
Linds?
Lindsay!
What is that?
A vertical shaft access.
The Colfax Mine, it's under us.
Lindsay?
What is that?
It's an old mine.
Okay.
Okay.
That did not just happen.
Don't.
That interviewer,
Morgan, was right.
We've done some 40
shows, and they're BS.
Look, I believe in beings
from the other side,
but Lindsay suddenly
finds this mine?
She could have found it before
and then pretended today.
That thing k*lled Nikki.
So Lindsay's probably
not lying, or insane.
There's another possibility.
Lindsay's been here before,
and has come back, painfully.
That trauma when she was a kid.
I hope we find something.
As long as I live through it.
You know, little
kids watch our show,
and they're afraid to go
to the bathroom alone.
Maybe it's our turn.
Yea, though I walk
through the forest
of the shadow of
death, I fear no evil
for I'm the meanest
b*tch in the woods.
Tyler,
talk us through this?
I can't.
Hey guys, I got an idea.
If we split up, we
can cover more ground.
I don't get it.
Oh my God...
Who's staying with Scott?
I'll stay.
Okay.
Break some legs!
Which way?
Why are you asking me?
Lindsay, if you had
to pick a direction?
Lindsay, you know, gold
doesn't form on earth.
It had to come from a star.
A million years ago, a
meteor hit right here,
scattering tons of gold.
And 160 years ago, 1,000
people came to dig it up.
That's kinda cool, huh, hmm?
Oh my God,
what is that smell?
Kristen Sevenfold.
Missing a year.
Aiden?
EMF reads zero.
You don't need to
be a ghost to do this.
Just a psycho innkeeper trying
for Serial k*ller Monthly.
They're well-preserved.
The cave's temperature
is close to 50 degrees.
It slows decomposition.
This
one, 100 years old.
It's, it's a family thing?
Passed down for generations,
like father, like son,
like great-great granddaddy?
Zoe, get beside me
with your flashlight,
and your baton thing.
There is probably a
dozen bodies that way too.
- Really?
- Shut up.
I'm just gonna kidnap
him for a minute.
Whew.
Mm-mmm, dude, you
know that's a bad idea.
You think she'd be out here
if there was anything dangerous?
Yeah, that's right, just
leave the crippled guy
alone in a haunted forest.
"I miss you.
"I'm still sore.
"I like you, and not because
you're a media personality
"who combines
chiseled good-looks
"with a pathetic
case of narcissism."
Oh man, I just crack myself up.
Great-great
granddaddy was here.
I hate being right.
This time.
I really hate being right.
What's funny?
Aiden, this is the
best moment of the show,
and Tyler isn't here.
Let me do it.
Please?
"You are my soulmate, Laura.
"I confess in my
fruitless search,
"I've often been quite randy."
Oh man, I need to get a life.
Three...
Zoe Chan of Ghost g*ng.
We're in the depths of
an abandoned gold mine
running beneath historic Colfax
where we made an
incredible discovery.
There's nothing supernatural
about what we're about
to share with you,
but we unearthed clues
that may solve dozens
of cold m*rder cases.
The grounds around me are
strewn with skeletal remains
of women local
authorities advise
have been missing for
over many decades.
Riding a wave of clairvoyance,
our Lindsay Cookson led
us to this massive grave.
Aiden, let's get
a shot of Lindsay.
Lindsay felt an over...
What is it, is it a spider?
g*dd*mn it!
Get it off,
get it off of me!
Where's Tyler?
What's it gonna take
to scare you people off?
You weren't meant
to remain here.
None of you.
Oh, and now you're all alone.
I know what it's
like to feel alone.
Lonely.
Tortured by one bad choice.
You were only three years old.
It's not your fault
that walked in
when your daddy was
cleaning a loaded r*fle.
Oh, you prayed for a long time.
For a miracle.
For love.
Women pity you, so you watch
them through that machine
without their knowing, but
you will never get to touch.
Well, you're not three
years old anymore.
This time, you are responsible.
You chose to be here.
No, Tyler!
Help!
Surprised, boy?
Well hell, all women are two
different women, Scooter,
and it's a man's job to explore
the mystery of both of them.
You know what that means, hmm?
What it means for a woman
to be two different people?
I-if a guy has a girlfriend,
he doesn't need a threesome?
Well said!
Please, just...
Shh.
Final lesson.
The difference
between men and women
is that men fear that
women will laugh at them,
and women fear that
men will k*ll them.
Guess we're about to sh**t
that wise-saying to sh*t,
eh, Scooter?
- Just let me go!
- Oh, stop screaming
like a three year old.
- Just let me go!
- "Oh, Tyler!"
Help me, Tyler!
I'm sorry, please no!
Sorry?
You're sorry?
Oh hell, Charity.
I just got cold.
Definitely colder.
No, it's a constant...
sh*t.
Where, Aiden?
It's here.
Somewhere.
Scott and Tyler.
Tyler?
Okay, where is Scott?
He couldn't have gotten far.
No, he couldn't.
Did you see anything?
No.
Scott?
- Scott?
- Scott?
Scott!
Scott!
Scott!
Scott?
Scott?
Guys.
Tyler?
Richard Morgan?
Tell me a bear got him.
I got his camera.
Oh, what's this?
Green screen.
To superimpose ghosts
using cameras and software.
Proof they're scams.
Guess Richard's
a believer now.
That's not what k*lled Nikki.
No, no, no, that-that
does make sense.
Charity.
She's a little girl.
She's dying at the
hands of some...
Perv?
Perv.
Remember last year,
when Lindsay asked Scott
to help find her parents?
He took her picture
and age regressed it
with that missing
children database program.
Aiden, don't.
Aging Charity the
other way works too.
Lindsay?
I think you were born here.
Father says I have a sister.
She's coming home now.
I would like to have a sister.
But I don't want
to share my Daddy.
Save some for us.
You,
don't talk to me.
Everyone, we gotta
figure this out.
You, do know what's
happening here?
Charity and whatever are
kicking the hell out of us.
She's helping her.
Too many
pronouns, Tyler.
Who's helping who?
Laura.
She's helping Charity.
She pulled me aside
and Scott disappeared.
Do you love her?
A hick fan?
Enough to let our friend die?
Was she better than us?
Is she better than me, Tyler?
Aww.
You remember me.
You and me?
Don't, Lindsay.
I've seen you obsessed.
Was that my vanity?
You know something
about my vanity.
I like you, Lindsay.
I like you too, Tyler.
Lindsay!
What's wrong with you?
I know where to
find that little b*tch.
I'll cover outside.
Aiden, Aiden...
Lindsay?
Hey!
Her heart is broken, and
she gives birth only to evil.
Back off, right now.
Zoe, are you okay?
Zoe!
Zoe!
Hey!
Come on, I thought
you ch*nk liked this.
What century are you from?
No matter, they all suck.
I do this because you're next.
He will plant it in you.
No one's planting sh*t in me.
You're barren.
You must leave.
Quickly.
No!
No!
But Zoe?
Lindsay?
Quick, go now, Aiden.
Before you can't anymore.
Go.
Calm the hell down.
Aiden, right?
Are you gonna k*ll me?
No.
Why would I do that?
Sorry about your finger.
Thank you.
Hello, mother.
I've looked better.
What do you remember?
College.
The show.
Tyler.
He'd get a woman with child,
but it'd be stillborn.
Sad, but common back then.
A funeral with a tiny coffin.
Then seven years after
that dead child is buried,
it digs its way out.
An abomination.
The women?
Every winter he'd sow a child,
and I'd put the mother down.
Poor things.
Nikki was pregnant?
All of them.
Your Zoe was next.
He got me with child.
Then I learned what he
was and what you would be.
I tried feticide.
Sorry about your
scar, but I failed.
So I took my own life.
He didn't see that comin'.
He didn't think with me
dead, you could be born.
Nor did I.
Twins, g*dd*mn it.
Charity is my sister.
Daddy's little helper.
But your kind become even
more powerful in death,
much to my chagrin.
That's why you didn't k*ll me.
You've lived as
different women.
Doing good, mostly.
Mostly?
He wants me back.
He needs you to stop me.
'Cause with you gone...
In seven years,
you'll have a new little
brother or sister.
And another one the
year after that.
One big evil
motherfuckin' family.
Can we beat him?
Get him mad.
For men, even him, it's
when they're weakest.
What if I die?
Then you'll be a ghost
like that little b*tch.
I'm one of them.
It's in you, it's who you are.
But you fight it, and
I am so proud of you.
You took Tyler that night.
I had enough of him
breaking your heart.
You kinda c*ck me.
Oh...
This town was born of gold.
Then farming, and
then fish hatcheries.
I enjoyed the irony.
Fishers for men, and all that.
I searched for you, Lindsay.
A century and a
half, missing you.
Then, technology.
Your pretty face
on a tiny screen.
And you came home.
Now...
I didn't hurt your friend.
That was Laura's doing.
Like Nikki consented when
you put a demon in her.
You were begot the same.
You didn't turn out so bad, huh?
How do I know?
Excuse me.
Your scar.
The dead women, your
mother's legacy.
A prost*tute.
Here, in this room.
I wouldn't take advantage
of a moral woman.
She's trying to extinguish
your life with hers.
In 1,000 years, no human
female has tried to do that.
It's a selfish act.
Yeah.
You were a paying customer.
I will have children.
I owe him.
Who?
You have Charity.
Oh, your mother's insane.
She's insane.
But about that little one?
She's right.
Terrifying little demon.
You know what's terrifying?
Hmm?
Laura's crazy, but
you think you're not.
I won't k*ll her.
No?
Can't blame a god
for asking though.
You know, when you
and I have a baby,
as much as you think you
might hate me right now,
you will love him
that much more.
Trust me.
Oh, Lindsay?
Don't go anywhere.
It's going to happen.
I'm too powerful.
But not very smart.
No, my child!
No!
No!
Oh my child, please, no, no, no!
No, no, no!
Lindsay, no!
Oh, no!
No!
My ears were burnin'.
Our daughter's dead.
Yes, she is.
Charity?
A little assistance, please.
All these kids.
What are you gonna
do about 'em, huh?
You can't k*ll me.
No?
But we can.
Charity!
Charity!
Before, when we were talking,
you knew he was watching?
Oh, my girl...
Shh, little one, shh...
Lindsay, this is Charity.
Your big sister.
Oh, my girls...
Those things will k*ll ya.
No, they won't.
All right.
So, you think
Charity's content?
Hell, daughter,
we're all Charity.
You tell me.
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