Teen Witch (1989)

[bunniefuu]

Richie! Get out of there, you little pinhead!

Whoa!

Huh! Touch me and die, lady.

Ew! Why don't you keep your food in your own pigsty?

Are you nuts? That's the first place mom would look.

All you think about is food.

All you think about is Brad, "The red-hot lover."

Brad, the great. Oh, Brad!

You have been reading my diary again, haven't you?

Brad, "The red-hot lover." Oh! Oh, darling! Oh!

If I ever, ever catch you reading this again, I promise, I will... Ooh!

"Brad, kiss me, darlin'."

"Oh, I love to feel your arms around me."

Louise!

Up and at 'em!

Mom, I'm already up.

Breakfast in three minutes.

Good morning.

Morning, Honey. Morning.

God...

Mmm, Kitten, you're looking very pretty.

I know, Daddy. This is your favorite color.

Mmm-hmm.

Well, this is my favorite daughter.

Hi. Hi.

I see prince charming has arrived right on time to pick up Cinderella.

You mean Lady Guinevere.

Hi!

Can you believe it?

How does she do that?

Genes.

Did you see what she was wearing?

Oh, who notices what she wears?

It was pretty sleazy.

I mean, you'd never catch me wearing something like that.

I'll say.

God!

♪ Takin' out time and we're feelin' cool

♪ Don't really need to be hangin' in school

♪ It's okay, we got nothing to lose

♪ Can't you see, baby, it's the high school blues

♪ Here sittin' sick 'cause it's a waste of our time

♪ 'Cause anything we learn about makin' a dime

♪ What the heck? We know that we are no fools

♪ 'Cause we're gettin' stuck with the high school blues ♪ Excuse me, pretty...

Are you sure you go to high school?

Great. Just great.

Ignore them.

One day, we'll be the seniors. Yeah.

See you in class.

Bye, Poll. Bye.

Pax vobiscum, Louise.

Hi. Well, um... We just wanted to let you know that you're a candidate. It's in the bag.

What? I... I'm sorry. For Latin club president.

You're a shoo-in!

So, did your dad get you the car?

Oh, it's in the works.

It doesn't really matter, though.

Brad takes me everywhere I want to go anyway.

Oh! Door-to-door l'amour.

The 16th-century poets raised passion to an art form, and today...

Why is it that romance is dead?

'Cause all the chicks are a drag, that's why.

Who said that?

Well, well.

Our honor student has graced us with her presence.

Apparently, skipping grades is not enough for Miss Miller.

She feels she can also afford to waste our valuable time as well!

You people think this is some sort of game, that I have nothing better to do with my time than to stand here and teach senior English?

Well, do you, Miss Miller?

No, sir. No. No, Mr. Weaver.

Papers down to the front.

I'll bet not one of you knows who John Donne is.

One of the, uh, romantic poets you've been talking about, Mr. Weaver.

My question was purely rhetorical, Miss Miller!

All right, let's see if anyone in this class has been able to convey his or her idea of romance into words, huh?

Now, this one is sticky, but fascinating.

"He pressed his lips against mine..."

"but he didn't stop there."

"Soon,"

"every inch of my body was covered"

"with Brad's kisses."

"Who would believe tonight I was totally his?"

Yes, who indeed?

Miss Miller.

What? BOYS: Ooh!

Bye, Louise!

Louise?

Don't let Weaver get to you.

Everyone knows he's a jerk.

I'll never be able to face Brad again, Polly.

Hey, cheerleaders, I got the new cheer.

So fab!

♪ I... like... boys!

♪ I'm throwing out my doll house

♪ I'm giving up my toys

♪ I realized this morning

♪ I like boys

♪ I like boys

♪ I like boys

♪ I like boys

♪ I... like... boys!

♪ I'm giving up my hopscotch

♪ To keep the little boys

♪ I'm doin' little lipsies

♪ To attract some boys

♪ I like boys

♪ I like boys

♪ I like boys

♪ I... like... boys!

♪ I'm making no more mud pies

♪ I'm staying out of the dirt

♪ I'm gonna buy some nylons

♪ And a leather mini skirt

♪ I like boys

♪ I like boys

♪ I like boys

♪ I... like... boys!

♪ I'm gonna let the world know

♪ By making lots of noise

♪ No people turning back now

♪ 'Cause we... like... boys!

♪ We like boys

♪ We like boys!

♪ We like boys

♪ We like boys!

♪ We like boys

♪ We like... We... like... boys!

♪ We like boys

♪ We like boys!

♪ We like ♪

Hey, see you later, Brad!

We're animals!

Hey, we're number one!

All right, let's go!

Now for the other two finalists.

As the knight Hans, Brad Powell.

And for the lead role of Ondine, Louise Miller.

Louise?

Just think of this as the ultimate test of your acting ability.

Don't be Louise. Be Ondine.

You can do it.

Go. Good luck.

We shall have this hour always to remember, the hour before you kissed me, before you said you loved me.

I can't wait an hour.

Tell me now.

Do you think this is something one says just like that?

What must I do? Sit in your lap?

In my lap of armor?

I have ways of removing armor.

And my arms, do you think they open to the first comer?

I have ways of opening arms...

And closing them.

Whoo! Brad!

Lovely. Very special, all of you. Thank you.

That was so good.

Ah. Thank you.

Uh, the director has decided that, uh, Lawrence will play the king.

Brad and...

Kiki will play the leads.

And Louise will be the assistant costume mistress.

Ahhh!

Whoa! Ow!

God! Uh...

Louise.

Louise, are you okay? Yes.

Here, let me help you. No, I can do it.

Here. I'm sorry. I didn't see you. I guess it's my fault.

No. It was a failed suicide attempt.

Listen, can I take you home?

No! Brad, no. Um...

You... You don't... You don't have to.

I know, but I'd like to.

Bradley, she said she's okay. Let's go.

Are you sure you're okay? Yes. I... I'm fine.

Go.

Terrific. Now what am I going to do?

Great.

Hello?

Hello?

Approach, my little one.

Don't be afraid.

Madame Serena knows all, sees all, tells all. Come.

Actually, I just came to use your phone.

Impossible.

I never use a phone. Come.

Come!

Sit.

Look, because it is a stormy night, I will give you a palm-reading at a special price.

Well, listen, I'm sorry. I've really... I really got to go.

'Cause I'm kind of late already, and I just...

Don't worry.

I like you, I like your cutesy little Punky Brewster face.

How much of money you have?

Um...

Let me see...

About $6.

I knew it.

Okay!

Please...

Put the money on the offering plate and cover it up.

Madame Serena must never see the money.

Okay...

You are still in high school, but that certain somebody doesn't know you're alive.

Don't worry. Somebody you already know will become your sweetheart.

You will marry him and you will have two children.

Can you see who he is?

My God in heaven.

What did you say your name was?

Louise Miller.

Miller!

It's you!

What do you mean, it's me?

You're not a mark. You're one of us.

One of who?

When is your 16th birthday?

Oh, wait. Next week. Am I right?

Yeah.

You will receive these powers on your 16th birthday.

What powers?

Strange things will start to happen, but you must trust me.

Trust me?

Yeah.

Yeah, sure. Okay. Whatever.

♪ ...which nobody can deny ♪ MR. Yeah. MRS. MILLER: Happy birthday, sweetheart.

Oh, Mother, the cake is really beautiful.

What's so sweet about her?

Louise, you did mail the invitations, didn't you?

Well, yeah. Maybe it's a surprise party.

Funny, Richie.

Can I have my cake now?

Oh, here. Why don't you open your gift before your friends come? Okay.

I bought it for you at the young Miss department.

It was very expensive.

Gee, it's... really...

Different. I'm so glad you like it.

Oh, I... I love it. It's great, really.

No one's coming to your sweet 16 party, Louise.

Hello? POLLY: Louise.

Hi, Polly!

The worst possible thing is happening.

It's like "birthday on Elm Street."

Okay, I run into Kiki and Shawn at the mall.

I was getting your birthday present.

Randa is having a party!

What? I mean, tonight.

She's invited everybody after school.

Oh. I know.

I know. It's like "revenge of the cheerleaders."

Yeah, okay. Why don't you come over?

Are you okay? Yeah, okay. I'm there. I'll be right over.

You will receive these powers on your 16th birthday.

Strange things will start to happen, but you must trust me.

Trust me.

Trust me.

But after 20 years of teaching household skills, the board has seen fit to ask me to teach you...

Sex education.

Adam had one of these.

Does anyone know what... What this might represent?

A Roger. A loved one.

Joystick. Dong.

Zipper lizard. Tallywaker. Trouser-snake. Schlong.

That... That's enough, Rhet. Thank you.

No problem.

Now, it's a race against time.

Sparky sperm is loose and he's heading for the target, Edna, the egg.

And when he reaches it, he makes a baby.

Go, Edna.

That... That is exactly what we don't want.

Not yet. So...

Use one of these at all times!

It's called a condom.

Condom.

Condom.

Condom.

Condom. Condom. Condom.

Come on. Will ya?

What's the holdup? We ain't got all day. Come on!

Here, let me try.

Thanks, Brad. It's okay.

Oh, divine, divine!

Whoo! Thank you.

This reminds me when I played Mary, Queen of Scots.

Really? You did?

Yes, in New Haven. The critics loved me.

So what happened? The best reviews in the world, and then two years without a part. Oh, well.

I love teaching.

Aw, Ms. Malloy.

I love you. Aww.

I mean, you're just not like the other teachers.

Darling, all the world's a stage!

Ms. Malloy, my life is a walking, talking tragedy.

Louise, my dear, there's so much of you in me it hurts.

Oh, I've never seen this before.

That's cool.

Take a look, dear. It's very old.

That's really strange.

Do you like it?

Yeah.

I think you should keep it.

Me? Absolutely.

I believe it'll bring you luck.

Oh, I feel different already.

Louise.

My cousin David is coming from out of town, and he needs a date for the dance Friday, so I was wondering if you'd like to come with us.

Well, I...

Sure! Okay!

Great. We'll pick you up about 8:00.

See ya. Okay.

Bye! Bye!

See ya there!

I mean, here! I... I mean... then.

Do you believe that?

Not really.

Well, I guess everybody else already had a date.

Louise, she didn't ask me.

Maybe she's really starting to like you.

Randa?

Well, maybe your luck is starting to change.

Oh, my God. What are you going to wear?

Dad?

Oh, come on, kitten. Why the long face?

That outfit your mother bought you looks great on you.

Dad...

This... This is what everybody's wearing.

I look like such a geek.

Dad, she has no idea what it's like for me.

Now I'm going to show you something.

Dad, just forget it, okay?

I've already seen mom's senior picture.

No, no, no.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

Ah.

Hmm.

Ew! So who's that?

That is your mom in junior high.

Oh! That's mom?

Oh, Frank, that's a terrible picture of me!

No, Mom! I think you look really... sweet.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God. They're here!

How do I look?

Knock 'em dead, kitten. You look very sweet.

Okay. Okay.

Bye. Bye.

Hi.

I'm David, Randa's cousin.

Ready?

Wow, I love your look, complete with beaver cleaver advance.

You are going to wear your glasses, aren't you?

I don't wear glasses.

Huh. Shall we?

Hey, Kids! Welcome to your harvest dance!

Yeah, time to sow some wild oats!

I'm Ramondo, your favorite radio deejay.

Listen, you're out here to have fun, you know.

If you don't dance, we sh**t at your feet.

Whoa! h*-h*!

Look, uh, can you just go ahead?

I... I need to go to the ladies' room.

Okay, babe, you got it.

♪ I'm an emotion

♪ I'm like a b*mb goin' off and I'm in

♪ Millions of pieces

♪ Runnin' around till I drop but I

♪ I can be a cool one

♪ I can be brilliant at times but then

♪ Pull back the feelin'

♪ Don't really know why I stop

♪ But it's a shame, shame, shame

♪ That I always have to change

♪ It's a shame, shame, shame

♪ That I always have to change ♪

Guess who?

What are you trying to do, embarrass me in front of a bunch of strangers?

Oh, nice bow tie.

Oh, and where'd you get the haircut, hmm? Dr. Demento?

Jeez, I... I didn't think I looked that bad.

Okay. Okay.

It's Friday the 13th, and we're obviously stuck with each other, so let's call a truce, okay?

Okay.

♪ It's a shame, shame, shame

♪ That you always have to change ♪ All right, guys, grab your wallets, 'cause here comes a slow song.

You want to smoke some weed?

No. No drinks, no weed, no pot, no pills, no roaming hands.

I'd like to sit this one out, if you don't mind.

I could just die.

Can you believe this guy I'm here with?

Be grateful. I had to come alone.

God...

I wish he'd just look at me.

Oh, my God!

He's looking right at you!

I wish he'd just come over.

Excuse me.

I need to talk to you. Can we step outside?

Sure... Brad.

Boy, look at those stars.

Yeah. You know, the closest one is four light-years away.

Did you know, if we made a wish on it, it wouldn't come true for eight years.

Yes, that's... I'm sorry. I just...

When I'm nervous, I just can't stop talking.

Well, what are you nervous about?

Well, you know... Being this close to you.

I'm sorry.

Well, what did you want to talk to me about?

Well... can I speak freely to you?

Sure. Of course.

I have a little brother. I know about men.

Can I come over to your house tomorrow night?

Well, my parents are going to be home.

That's okay. Huh?

Yeah, well, I'd like you to help me with my English paper.

Oh. Love to. Great.

Oh, thanks.

You know how Mr. Weaver is, and if I don't improve on my grade, I won't be able to play football, and that pretty much blows any chance of SC.

Having fun?

Give David your keys.

We're going over to Kiki's in her car.

Thanks, Sport.

Bye.

Ahem.

The night's young.

Let's party.

I can drive through a fog like a hog with a hard-on.

Let's go, Wolf Man.

Uh, David, this is not the way to Kiki's. Says whom?

Give me some soul kisses, baby!

Ugh! How would you like it if somebody groped you?

I'd love it, baby! Come on!

Hey, I got an idea! Let's do it while we're movin'!

David!

Stop it! David! Ahhh!

Knock it off!

Give me one kiss and I'll be nice! Hah!

I wish you would just leave me alone!

Ahhh! Ahhh!

Ahhh!

Ahhh!

Oh, no!

What am I gonna do?

How do I get him back? I don't know what to do.

Madame Serena. Madame Serena will know what to do.

Oh, what if mom finds out, she'll k*ll me!

Oh, no.

Looks like she's home now.

Serena. Serena, you're not gonna believe this.

Please, be here. Oh, be here.

Open up! Hello?

Hello? Oh, no! She's closed.

Where's mom?

Out. What are you supposed to be?

This is disgusting!

You better clean this mess up before mom gets home.

I don't have to.

I am telling you, I don't want to listen to her yell at you.

You are an unbelievable pig!

I'm rubber, you're glue.

Whatever you call me sticks back on you.

No. I'm rubber, you're glue.

Whatever you call me sticks back on you!

You think you're hot stuff 'cause you went to a dance.

Dream on! Nobody wants to date you, because you're a dog. A dog!

A dog!

Hey, I feel funny.

Can't stand up!

You are standing up.

I'm a dog!

Louise, what did you do to me?

You! You... Nothing! Nothing I can't fix.

It was just a mistake! I can fix it!

Look at me! I'm a... Look at all this hair on me!

I even smell like a dog! Aw man wait...

Richie! Come back! I got to get out of here! Help!

Richie, I promise I can fix it! Just...

It's mom! She hates dogs!

Can we... She'll take me off to the pound.

Louise, we got to do something. I can change you back.

Whoo, you stink!

I've got an idea.

A bath? This is your great idea?

You don't want to go to the pound, do you? Let me go!

They k*ll dogs at the pound. What are you doing?

I definitely promise to fix this... What's going on?

Just as soon as my friend gets back. I hate baths!

There's water! No!

No! No!

You've been acting crazy! Ahhh! Richie!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

Let me out, you sucker! You pervert!

What did I tell you?

At 16, your powers would come into play.

And you know, the really weird thing is, I don't even know how I changed him back.

You didn't.

Beginners' spells are very weak.

They wear off. Water reverses them. They'll get stronger.

Me?

A witch?

You have the power to make anything you want happen.

You mean like make potions and curses and all that junk?

Where'd you get that?

What? Oh, um, at school. Why?

I think it's time you saw something.

There comes a time in every witch's life that she must see this.

You won't believe it.

Here it is, "New faces of 1652."

Look here.

That's you, and you were wearing the same amulet that you're wearing now.

And that's me.

You're kidding!

Mmm. Then why did I get the amulet again?

Because it belongs to you. You belong to it.

It's a symbol of your power.

I wasn't even looking for it.

But it was looking for you.

That's the way magic works.

Here...

Read this.

Brush up on your basics.

You're a very lucky girl.

We can even make our own money. Come on. I'll show you.

First, a lump of coal. Now, put your hand over it.

Come on. Repeat after me.

Arra arralon shem hemforus.

Arra arralon shem hemforus.

Mecca ramedy e pluribus unum.

Mecca ramedy e pluribus unum!

Want to try hundreds?

Uh, no. No, not now. I got to go.

Wait!

Louise! I know what it's like at school!

People treat you like a little girl.

Yeah.

They do.

Don't you know what this means?

We can change all that, make them respect you. It'll be fun!

We can?

There's somebody you want to get back on, right?

Well, maybe.

Sure. I know what it's like to be 16.

I've been 16 four times already.

Liebchen, with me in your corner, they won't have Louise Miller to kick around anymore.

Thanks. Thanks, Madame Serena.

♪ Money tree

♪ Oh! Oh! For me!

♪ Help me save the money tree

♪ The money, oh ♪ Hell's bells.

"Magic works by stimulating the harmonies that exist in nature."

"All things natural are under your sway."

"The power is in the word."

"Be careful what you say."

The power is in the word.

The power is in the word.

Um, "Basic spells to call the winds."

"Omni suminaro suminaro wawan."

Omni suminaro suminaro wawan.

Omni suminaro suminaro wawan!

Ahhh!

Ugh!

Wawan reversum!

Phew.

Not bad.

"To summon rain."

"Omni regere suminaro."

Omni regere suminaro!

"The truth spell can be applied to chronic liars."

"They will only be able to tell the truth,"

"no matter what the consequences."

"You need the following..."

You should sing the lead in the school play.

Kiki, your voice sounds great.

No. I'm not kidding, Kiki.

I mean, doesn't it sound great, Randa?

You should sing for real! Yeah?

Astrath barbas tetragormaton, theos ishnos arthitos!

What?

It's a, uh... New U2 song.

Yeah. It... It's really cool. Oh, really?

Uh-huh. It's a... An import.

Oh.

To tell you the truth, Kiki, your voice is lousy.

You sound like Pee-wee Herman. What?

She's right. You cannot carry a tune.

What do you mean? Yes, I can!

She's just being honest. Your voice sounds terrible.

I mean, you shouldn't even be allowed to sing Happy Birthday, okay?

Butt out, Shawn. You know, I don't even like you.

Neither does anybody else. Uh-huh.

Great. Then I won't have to pick you up every day and deal with your alcy mother.

Really, Kiki. Your mother's a joke. Everyone feels sorry for you.

And who are you? Princess Di?

Look, you're too lazy to even cover your roots.

Shut up, skank! Ahhh!

She threw her in the pool.

I was just kidding, Randa. I really do like your hair.

Randa, you know, I think the whole world can see your bruise.

Hmm. RANDA: Oh, but out, b*tch!

When you look in the mirror, you're going to thank me for this.

Omni...

Transformatum...

Saliente... rex!

Omni transformatum saliente rex!

How'd it go?

Oh, Serena, it was wonderful! It was perfect!

I told you... The time of your life.

This is just the beginning. It's going to be like the good old days!

Madame Serena... What?

You know I... I'm crazy about Brad.

Well, can I... Well, you know...

Make him love me?

Are you kidding? Love you?

With me being your coach, he's gonna become your love sl*ve!

Do you... Do you think we can really do this?

Of course.

But first you need to do a spell for me.

Now just relax and give me the juice.

Omni transformatum saliente rex!

Oh!

Well, where'd he go?

Never mind. I know just where to find him.

About Brad...

All you need to do is sprinkle this on your bed, get Brad to sit on it while you say, "Lothum sorceratum athenora."

Lothum sorceratum athenora.

Now, you mustn't delay with these spells.

They tend to stale.

He's going to be crazy about you... A love sl*ve!

Oh, Prince! Are you there?

Oh...

That wonderful witch.

She did it.

Darling, how I have longed to see you standing there before me...

Loving me, adoring me.

What, darling? What do you want to say?

How long I've waited to hear these words!

Speak! Speak!

Hi... Brad...

Hi, Louise.

Isn't it a little dim in here for us to study?

Oh. Uh...

Yeah. Uh, I can fix that.

Sure.

Where are all the chairs?

Chairs? Uh...

Being reupholstered.

Well, I guess we'll just have to sit on the bed.

Where are all the chairs?

Never mind. Just get out and leave us alone, or you'll be having dog food for dinner.

Uh... I thought you might like this.

Where are all the chairs?

I moved them so I could exercise.

Oh. Well, uh...

Call me if you need anything.

Now we won't be disturbed.

Now, where were we?

Oh, yes, yes. Sit down, sit down.

Lothum malfalon athenona...

What? Seranum somonofic metolium Brad Powell. What?

I wish that Brad Powell would...

What do you wish?

Oh...

Never mind. Oh!

Here.

Have a seat.

Don't...

Ask.

Don't even think about asking.

Um, listen...

Do you mind if I get personal for a minute?

I'd like to apologize for a couple of things.

Why, Brad?

Well, first off, I shouldn't have let you go home with David.

I mean, he was pretty out of it.

Oh, he was harmless.

I told him to get lost and he...

Disappeared.

Anyway, I really appreciate you helping me with my English paper.

You know, it is so hard for me to concentrate at the end of the year.

Oh, graduation?

No. The prom.

Randa brings it up every day...

"What am I going to wear? Where are we going for dinner?"

You know, why do you put up with her?

I mean, she seems so superficial.

Every guy wants to go out with the most popular girl in school.

Popularity really counts, doesn't it?

Sure.

We are here to study, not talk.

That's why we refer to it as study period.

No, no, no, no, no! Allow me. Allow me.

Expecting rain, Miss Miller?

Please...

Don't go through my purse, Mr. Weaver.

Ha-Ha... Oh...

Birth control pills.

All in their place.

Just thinking about it, eh, Louise?

I'm warning you.

Warning me?

Well, listen to that, will you?

And what will you do if I don't stop...

Tell my mommy?

Oh, what a night.

Isn't that cute? What is that?

Oh, it's nothing, mom.

It's just a little something for school, that's all.

Well, pleasant dreams, honey.

Okay. You too. Good night.

All right, Weaver, let's see how you like being toyed with.

What is the internal conflict besetting Hamlet in this act?

Anybody know?

I'll give you a hint, class.

Some of you may have experienced this problem if your parents are divorced.

It is a crisis of adolescence.

Hamlet is calling into question his loyalty.

Does, uh, does it seem hot in here?

Uh, would somebody, put... on... the air?

What is he calling into question?

He, uh... Nobody thinks it's hot in here?

Uh, the answer I am waiting for is, what is Hamlet calling into question?

His...

Ah! No!

His manhood, you idiots!

What is the matter with you people?

His manhood!

Mr. Weaver!

Hot.

It's okay, Mr. Weaver.

With a little rest, you'll be just fine. Hmm...

Trust me.

Wow!

Oh!

Mr. Weaver!

Are you all right, Weaver?

You okay?

What next?

Oh...

How could Richie do this?

She worked so hard on this doll.

♪ No second chances

♪ No turns in the track

♪ This time it's over

♪ And that's a fact

♪ Too late for sorrys

♪ It's over and done

♪ Hard in a coffin means you had your fun

♪ All washed up ♪ Very refreshing. Very refreshing.

Of course, I want to pay for the shower.

That's okay. It's free today.

Oh, well, that's for the hot wax.

Louise. Louise, dear!

Oh! I'm sorry I'm late, it's just that the most amazing things have been happening.

I know.

I won the state lottery.

Really?

Yes! The whole thing.

And the weird thing is, I never even bought a ticket!

I got this letter in the mail, and then I looked in the pocket of my brown sweater and there was this ticket!

Then I realized how perfectly shabby I was looking, so I bought a whole new wardrobe.

Oh! And your hair.

Oh, you like it?

Are you kidding? Look at you. You're, you're a raving beauty!

Oh, well...

I don't know about that.

Anyway, when I left the salon, I met the most wonderful man.

Actually, he's an Argentine count, Armando Logando.

Oh! Don't tell anyone, but I'm taking a sabbatical.

Well, it's about time.

Come on. Come on.

And the most wonderful thing, he's taking me around the world and a few other places I can't quite remember.

I don't know why, but I want to thank you.

There he is, Count Logando!

Oh!

Oh, darling! This is that darling Louise.

Louise, I'm leaving everything in your capable hands.

Take hope, dear child.

Believe me.

Anything can happen.

Brad just waved at you.

I know. I wish he saw more in me than just brains, though, you know.

Give him time.

Men are like another species.

They're really hard to get through to.

Like, take Rhet, for example.

Rhet?

Capeletti?

You like Rhet, Polly?

You think he's weird, don't you?

I mean, he's not exactly my type, but, yeah, I guess he's cute.

Yeah, and he's really nice, and he's really funny.

I heard him in class once.

Oh, and he has the cutest walk.

Yeah, I guess I could see you guys together.

♪ I'm King

♪ And they know it

♪ When I snap my fingers, everybody says show it

♪ I'm hot

♪ And you're not

♪ But if you want to hang with me

♪ I'll give it one shot, top that ♪ Want a Pez?

No, I'm not in the mood.

Come on.

Oh, my God.

Let's go back the other way.

No! Just go up and talk to him.

Are you kidding?

I'd be so embarrassed.

Look at how funky he is.

I will never be hip.

♪ I'm hot

♪ And you're not

♪ But if you want to hang with me

♪ I'll give it one shot

♪ Top that

♪ Top that

♪ You can do all that you can

♪ But you'll never top that

♪ Top that ♪

♪ Supersonic, Idiotic

♪ Disconnected, not respected

♪ Who would ever really want to go and top that?

♪ Such a waste, a pretty face

♪ But hang it in your nowhere space

♪ I wish that you would take a look

♪ And really stop that, top that

♪ Well, stop that

♪ I don't really give a

♪ About tryin' to top that. Top that, ♪ Stop that

♪ I wish you'd finally take a real look

♪ And really stop that

♪ What's This? ♪ Stop That

♪ What gives? ♪ Top that

♪ I don't really give a

♪ About tryin' to top that

♪ Top that ♪ Big deal

♪ Stop that ♪ Unreal

♪ You can try until you're blue

♪ I will make a fool o' you

♪ Top that ♪

Whoo!

Top that.

Hi, Serena.

Oh, what is it?

Is it a revenge potion or a bad luck spell or what?

It's goulash.

Sorry.

So, Liebchen, now he's eating out of the palm of your hand, right?

Oh, I couldn't do it.

Of course you could.

No. Don't you see?

I don't want to put a spell on him.

I want him to like me because of me, because he thinks I'm fabulous.

Kids.

They're never satisfied.

Oh, and another thing.

I want to look... Like her.

Seems like a waste of a good spell...

Come on, Serena, listen.

You know, everybody keeps telling me I'm going to be this, this big heartbreaker when I'm older, but I'm ready now.

And I'm just tired of waiting, you know?

I mean, I want to be the most popular girl.

That's a big spell.

It involves a lot of people.

I'm not sure your powers are strong enough yet.

So you'll help me, right?

Right?

Most popular girl.

This one looks good.

"Cleopatra,"

"Marie Antoinette,"

"Marilyn Monroe,"

"Annette Funicello."

Hmm. No.

No.

Let's see what you've got.

Yes! We might be able to pull this one off.

Yeah? Yeah!

Could you hand me this, dear?

Sure.

Please, sit down.

I never thought I'd do this for anyone.

What's this?

The last of my powers.

I was saving it for a mink coat...

To wear in the ice age.

Oh, Serena.

All right, that's it.

Yay!

Oh. All right.

You'll need a piece of her clothing

and one of her records.

And then sprinkle this all over yourself and spin around 13 times at 45 rpm, counterclockwise and repeat this...

"Argentum popularum"

"sincerum"

Louise, you're crazy.

How do you expect to get in to see Shana?

Just walk right in.

I have this feeling she wants to give me her tour jacket.

Right.

♪ I've Been Goin' Outta my mind

♪ Tryin' to find a way to make you mine ♪

Oh, my god! Wasn't that Johnny Hughes?

Yeah, I think so. Come on. Be quiet. Okay. Okay.

Oh, this is so exciting... Hey!

You can't come back here. You have to be on a list to come back here.

Well...

My name's Louise Miller, and we are on the list.

You're not on my list. I know.

Well, check it again because I know we're on it.

Look, I just made the list out.

Miller?

Oh, yeah.

Louise miller.

Well, you weren't on the list a second ago.

Here.

Here's your two passes.

Thank you.

♪ Time is up, I've waited enough

♪ Better be prepared

♪ Don't expect me there

♪ Never gonna be ♪ How did you do this?

I can't believe this! Can you believe it?

I know. I cannot believe that we are on a real stage, and Shana is right there, and we're right here.

Look, that audience is getting totally thrashed.

Let's wave. No... No.

♪ Why do you make it hard

♪ For me to breathe?

♪ Oh-oh-oh... ♪ God...

Shana is looking right at you!

♪ Right through me

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Louise!

Did you have any trouble getting back here? No!

Well, I'm glad you made it.

Look, I want you to have this jacket.

I've had it since my first album.

It's my lucky jacket. Please?

Okay. Sure, Shana!

Well, I gotta go. They're taping this.

I'll talk to you guys later.

Bye!

Oh, my God!

♪ It's Never Gonna Be ♪

♪ Never Gonna Be ♪

♪ The same again

♪ It's Never Gonna Be

♪ The same again

♪ It's never gonna be

♪ Never gonna be

♪ The same again

♪ It's never gonna be ♪ Argentum popularum sincerum.

Argentum popularum sincerum.

♪ It's never gonna be

♪ The same again

♪ It's never gonna be

♪ The same again ♪ Louise, will you turn the music down?

I can't hear myself think.

Louise!

Hey, Louise, why don't you ride to school with us?

I'd love to.

♪ Gonna be some major changes

♪ Comin' over me

♪ Gonna take a dream

♪ Into a real fantasy

♪ I'm gonna be the most popular girl

♪ Gonna change my hair and makeup

♪ Soon you're gonna see

♪ I'm gonna be the most popular girl

♪ Hey, there, Sugar, won't you ride with us?

♪ Come on, petty baby, don't you put up a fuss

♪ Looks like you really caught my eye

♪ Jump up in the car, so that we can all fly

♪ Be cool, baby, don't you put up a fight

♪ Whether it's Wednesday or Saturday night

♪ We'd like you to come into our world

♪ 'Cause every cool guy needs a popular girl

♪ Gonna be all draped in diamonds

♪ How they're gonna shine

♪ All the press and the attention

♪ I will never mind

♪ I'm gonna be the most popular girl

♪ I'm gonna be the most popular girl ♪

Come on. Hurry up.

Brad?

Isn't this great?

Oh, you scared me.

Yeah. This is...

It's neat.

You know...

Brad?

Great.

Psst.

He took the long way, and then he kissed you.

How did you know?

I'm your Serena, dear. I know everything.

Yeah, but why?

Why did he kiss me?

Was it because of the spell?

What's the difference? You're irresistible.

That's what you wanted.

Yeah, but if it was because of the spell, then, I mean, how do I know he really cares?

Louise, darling, what's the difference?

The difference is, I don't want him to just suddenly stop liking me.

Well, that happens with or without magic.

Not if love is real.

Falling in love is just a trick anyway.

The right lighting, the right music, the right haircut...

People fall in love and then...

One day it's over.

When he kissed me, was he really kissing me?

Louise, nothing lasts forever.

That is just too depressing to believe.

I mean, some people fall in love, and they stay in love.

Hi, Louise.

Hi.

I love her hair.

What a radical outfit, Louise.

You're so funny, too.

I wish I looked like Louise.

I wish I was Louise.

Oh, yeah.

My, aren't we trendsetting this morning.

You know, this is so weird.

Everybody looks like me.

Well, the price of fame and fortune is to be envied, then copied, and finally discarded.

Says who?

I read it someplace. Probably Rob Lowe.

"My dearest, Louise,"

"Armando and I have done Europe twice already"

"and now we are in Aruba."

"Armando is teaching me Spanish."

"I'm so happy. You brought me luck, Louise"

"and I love you for it."

"Con amor, siempre."

"With love, always, Edith Malloy."

"Con amor, siempre"

Con amor, siempre.

Oh, Louise.

My first lead in the school play.

I'm so excited.

Yeah. Too bad Ms. Malloy isn't here to see it.

Hurry up, girls.

And don't say good luck.

Why not?

Show biz superstition.

Okay. There.

Break a leg. Huh?

"Break a leg", that's what you're supposed to say.

Oh. Neat.

You're on, Kiki.

Okay.

Break a leg, Kiki!

I can't move it. It's broken.

Kiki, I... I didn't mean it.

Louise, you're the understudy. You'll have to play it.

Jeez, Louise.

What did you do, trip her?

Hey.

Hey.

I hear you got the lead in the school play.

Yeah.

Well, it looks like Cinderella is finally going to the ball?

Yeah. The dance.

What's the matter?

Glass slipper doesn't fit?

Yeah. I guess so.

It's like when you really need someone to notice you, they don't, you know?

But you know, kitten, it doesn't really matter how other people see you.

What matters is...

How you see yourself.

Thanks, Dad.

Hi.

How are you? Why?

God... Polly.

Come on. We used to be friends.

You never talk to me anymore.

"Used to" is the operative word.

Why don't I ever see you?

Maybe I don't want to have to make an appointment.

You're so busy now.

God, I thought you'd be happy for me.

Delighted.

Oh, come on, Polly. I really miss you.

Why?

You need another dweeb hanging on your every precious word?

Believe it or not, I care about you, okay?

Well, you don't act like it.

You became the swan, and you left me right in the duck pond.

Polly! Yeah, forget it.

There's no room for me in your new life.

Hey, Louise!

Louise, come on. Let's start!

Louise.

Louise.

What?

I prepared you a wholesome breakfast.

Your morning paper.

I took the liberty of ironing your homework.

Well, thank you, Richard.

Richie's cleaned everything up.

Even straightened out the refrigerator shelves.

Do you think he's on drugs?

What?

We want Louise!

We want Louise!

We want Louise!

We want Louise!

We want Louise!

Thought you might come out this way.

Come on. Hop in.

So, it's tough being the most popular girl, huh?

Well, I thought it would make me happy.

And it didn't?

Well, yeah, for a while.

And, no, it didn't last.

I know what you mean.

You know, sometimes I wonder who my real friends are.

I've been football team captain since the sixth grade.

What happens when I go to college next year and I have to start all over?

It doesn't matter.

How do you know?

Brad, you have a lot of fine qualities that have nothing to do with football.

You think so?

I know so.

Louise, I want you to go to the dance with me.

Really?

Yeah. What can I say?

You're an amazing girl, Louise.

I've never met anyone quite like you.

What, is that good?

Is that good? That's great.

Look, you're not phony.

You don't play games with people to make them like you more.

That's really important to me, and...

Brad, I just... Let me finish.

You're honest, and I respect you for that.

No. No. This is a bad idea.

I can't go to the dance wyou.

Why?

Because there's just something you don't know about me.

I know everything I need to know.

No, you don't.

Look, why don't you just go to the dance with Randa?

Forget Randa.

I want to go with you. It's only natural.

But it's not natural.

Look, there are just some things you don't understand about all this, okay?

Look, Louise, this is really stupid.

I can't go to the dance with you.

Don't ask me why. I gotta go.

Louise!

Oh, Louise. It's gorgeous. It's perfect.

You shouldn't have. You're an artist.

What an eye for detail!

Serena, listen, you've got to help me.

Look...

I sat up all night trying to figure out a way to reverse the spell, and I can't find anything in this whole book.

What do you mean reverse the spells?

I mean make it go back the way it was. I just want everything and everyone to go back the way it was.

Reverse?

Now that I have all this?

Absolutely not!

Serena!

Louise, everyone loves and listens to you, right?

Yeah.

They agree with me before I even finish what I'm saying.

Picky, picky.

You don't know what a luxury it is to have people agree with you.

I'm not happy, okay?

Who is happy? You'll get used to it.

Believe me.

You're going to knock 'em dead at the dance.

You want to give that up?

I just... I want to be me.

I mean, all this stuff is happening, but it just... I don't know.

It just doesn't feel like it's happening to me.

Let's give it a shot for a couple of years, and then make a decision.

Come on, Serena. Help me.

Please?

Come here. Sit down.

All right.

It's lonely.

I know.

I had to make people like me.

You never knew how people felt?

I didn't want to take the chance.

So I can change it all, huh?

The real magic...

Is believing in yourself.

If you can do that, you can make anything happen.

Thank you.

My dad got me into Stanford. He's a Stanford man.

Yeah? I want to go Vidal Sassoon, but my mother's making me go to Malcolm Junior college.

I got into SF State and Brad's going to visit me every weekend, aren't you, honey?

So, did your dad get you the car?

No. He got me a Schwinn. Can you believe it?

It's like I'm cursed!

You know, it could've been worse.

You could've been here with that.

I don't know.

All right, guys.

This joint's crawling with hungry women.

Let's make our move.

♪ Gotta Bite The b*llet

♪ Inside The Tunnel Of Love

♪ Somebody's Got A hold on me

♪ And You Know Who I'm thinkin' of

♪ I'm Not Afraid To show you

♪ How I Feel

♪ I'm Not Afraid To Say

♪ I've Changed

♪ So Many Things Have happened

♪ Too Many Times ♪

♪ I Can't Help But feelin' alive

♪ It's Gonna Be My finest hour

♪ I'm Gonna Take My chance tonight

♪ Don't Stop Me Now 'Cause I've got the power

♪ Just Be With Me In my finest hour

♪ There'll Be Candlelight

♪ I See The Light

♪ And The Music Plays

♪ I Feel The Sun

♪ As We Sip Champagne

♪ Through The Night

♪ Then You Take My Hand

♪ And With His Hand

♪ And You Start To Tell Me

♪ I Love You

♪ And We Share A Kiss

♪ It'll Be All Right

♪ It's Gonna Be My finest hour

♪ I'm Gonna Take My chance tonight

♪ Don't Stop Me Now 'Cause I've got the power

♪ Just Be With Me In my finest hour tonight

♪ It's Gonna Be My finest hour

♪ I'm Gonna Take My chance tonight

♪ Don't Stop Me Now 'Cause I've got the power

♪ Just Be With Me In my finest hour tonight

♪ It's Gonna Be My finest hour

♪ I'm Gonna Take My chance tonight

♪ Don't Stop Me Now 'Cause I've got the power

♪ Just Be With Me In my finest hour tonight

♪ Tonight

♪ I'm Gonna Take My chance tonight

♪ It's Gonna Be My finest hour

♪ I'm Gonna Take My chance tonight

♪ There'll Be Candlelight

♪ Don't Stop Me Now 'Cause I've got the power...