(***)
(***)
(***)
(***)
(***)
(Raptor growling)
(***)
(Humming)
(Grunting)
(Lyrics in Spanish)
- Hey, ya!
- Ew!
(Lyrics in Spanish)
Can we just turn it down
a little bit?
You know that if you're driving,
you can do what you want,
b*tch.
(Lyrics in Spanish)
Hey, oh!
I can't hear myself think.
Babe.
Sorry.
We don't need to listen
to your comedy routine
the whole way there, do we?
Takes a lot of practice
to be this funny.
Doesn't just happen overnight.
Well, I think you're very funny.
Funny-lookin'.
Oh, why don't you leave
the jokes to me, okay?
I don't know.
I think I might be a natural.
It's not like
this is a big deal or anything,
it's just like
the biggest manager in LA
is gonna be in my show.
I got your back even
if I have to listen
to your routine over,
and over, and over,
- and over, and--
- Eyes on the road, please.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
Oh, cool!
Look, there's a ghost town.
Come on, babe, let's stop.
It'll be so--
No, are you kidding?
No!
Oh, come on!
Look, I just wanna stretch
my legs,
maybe get something to eat,
and check my text.
Your boyfriend can wait
a few hours
before hearing from you, okay?
We gotta get to LA ASAP,
so I can rehearse.
You could rehearse tomorrow.
Kyle.
(Lyrics in Spanish)
Okay, off we go.
(Screaming)
(Taking deep breaths)
What the hell happened?
Oh!
f*ck, it's like bucks.
Do you have any service?
What the hell are we gonna do?
[Crows crowing in distance]
There's someone coming.
Oh, babe, come on,
you gotta do better than that.
I mean like strut your stuff,
show some booty.
Come on.
Stick this out.
There you go, yes!
See?
You hang out with me
long enough, you become fierce.
Nailin' it.
Wooh!
We are gonna be saved!
[Horn honking]
(Sighing)
Well, that didn't work.
Maybe I need some more
sexist tips.
Any other bright ideas, Kyle?
The ghost town.
We can walk to that ghost town.
Surely, someone's gotta have
a phone, right?
How far is it?
Said it was like what?
miles off the highway.
We should be able to get there
before dark.
Great, we won't die after all.
[Birds chirping in distance]
It's not your fault.
Oh, I know.
Okay.
Come on, I'm jokin', I'm jokin'.
Come on, wait.
(Screaming)
* Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
* Ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh *
* Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
* Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
(***)
[Bird screeching]
(Sighing)
Ah!
Sign says, "It's open".
Locked.
Julia, what are you doin'?
- (Grunting)
- Oh, come on.
We didn't come all this way
for nothin'.
Well, we also didn't come here
to be shot either.
- Julia!
- Come on, baby.
(Sighing)
(***)
Looks abandoned to me.
Hello?
[Knocks]
Hello.
Hello!
Ow, m*therf*cker.
Jesus Christ.
Hello?
Damn it.
I don't think
there's anyone here.
Alright, well,
we're not givin' up yet.
[Julia grunts]
[Screeching]
This place is f*ck' strange.
Hey, there's a caravan
we can stay in.
It's actually a camper van.
Oh!
Yeah, it's an American thing,
you wouldn't get it.
Oh, look, babe, you get yourself
a pair of shoes.
JULIA:
Oh, yeah?
Cute.
Or your beard trimmed.
KYLE:
Hmm.
Hello?
- [Knocks]
- Need a room.
Desperately.
KYLE:
Julia.
What do you think
of the resemblance?
JULIA:
Oh, so handsome.
Treat.
It's like a much younger
version of you.
Hmm.
Maybe you're right, Kyle,
this place is kind of weird.
Giving me the creeps.
(***)
So cool.
[Snake hissing]
- [Screams]
- Ooh! Oh, God!
- What is it?
- (Grunting)
D-- d-- don't-- don't--
don't worry.
Just um,
just a friendly visitor.
- No worries.
- What the hell is it, Kyle?
There's a creature
of the slithering kind,
but don't worry, it's fine.
Okay, saddle your horses,
we're leavin'.
You know,
how I feel about snakes, Kyle.
Okay, alright,
so then where to now?
I don't care!
Anywhere, but here.
I will strip down to my bra
to get us a ride
if I have to, okay?
Julia!
Oh.
- Julia!
- Mm-mm.
Julia!
No, we need to get out
of this creepy ghost town
before the ghosts come out!
(***)
Alright.
Alright, what'd you wanna do?
(Taking deep breaths)
I think
that's someone's house.
I don't wanna go in in there.
Spooky.
Well, it's gonna get dark soon.
So what other option
do we have?
(***)
Fine.
(***)
I like this color.
Hello?
Hi, our--
our car just broke down.
We just wanna know
if someone's got a phone
that we can use.
Hello?
(***)
[Clock whirring]
[Clock cuckoos]
[Sniffing]
What's that smell?
I don't know.
I think it's you, babe.
What's that that
you're wearing?
Oh.
Hmm, Dior.
(Sniffing)
Beers.
Babe, so old.
Yeah.
(Takes a deep breath)
KYLE:
Hmm.
[Jingling]
Kyle, just don't.
(Grunting)
[Toy squeaks]
What is wrong with you?
Babe, come on.
There's no one here.
[Toy squeaking]
(Ray grunting in distance)
(***)
[Toy squeaking]
Julia, there's someone in here.
- [Thudding]
- (Gasps)
(Shushing)
What do we do?
Sir?
(***)
Sir?
I think you're gonna have
to do better than that.
Oh, well, the job's yours
if you want it, honey.
Excuse me.
Sir.
- Are you okay?
- He's not waking up.
I think he's dead.
I think he's dead.
He's not dead,
I can see him breathing.
He's not breathing.
I can see him breathing.
Wake up!
(Screaming)
What the hell are you doin'
in my room?
KYLE:
Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
We weren't trespassing,
it's just we-- we-- we-- we--
found this place,
and then we somehow ended up
in your room, and um,
w-- w-- we thought that um--
Well, we thought--
He thought you were dead.
Dead?
What are you doin' yellin'
at a dead man?
Or maybe injured or something,
Julia.
No, no, I was just takin'
my afternoon nap.
JULIA:
We're so sorry
to have woken you.
Um, um, Mr...
Name's Ray.
- Hi, Ray.
- (Chuckles)
Hi.
I'm Julia.
Nice to meet you.
And this is Kyle.
We don't get much company out
this way.
Yeah, well, um, the place
looks abandoned so...
Well, we're in the middle
of renovatin' um,
my brother and I, that is.
- Oh.
- Oh, your brother?
- Yeah.
- Mmhmm.
Is he sleep somewhere around
here, too?
(Chuckling)
No, uh, he's went off to town
for supplies.
Alright, sorry, um,
do you have a phone?
No, we don't have a phone here.
Do you have a um, um,
a spare tire?
W-- w-- we could give you
- some money for it.
- Yeah.
I probably got a couple
around here that might fit.
Ah, okay!
Terrific, right.
So if we could just um--
Maybe you could give us a lift
actually down there
and then we can just
put the tire on,
we'll be out of your hair.
Yeah, that would be
a bit of a problem,
'cause my brother's gone
with the only running vehicle.
Uh, okay.
- Could stay the night here.
- Hmm.
Make you some supper.
Uh, thank you, Ray, really,
thank you.
It's just um, the reason
we're on this trip is actually
Julia's got a really important
show tomorrow in LA.
Show?
What kinda show?
Uh, stand-up.
I am standing up.
No, um, stand-up comedy.
I'm a comedian.
- Got you.
- (Laughing)
I like a good joke out here
every now and then.
Helps pass the time.
(Chuckling)
When did you say the show was?
Um, tomorrow night.
Well, he'll be back by mornin'
and it's about four hours to LA
from here, so should be able
to get you there by noon.
Ah.
It's good.
Well, let's go get that supper.
- Hey.
- Great.
[Music playing on gramophone]
(Whistling)
(Slurping)
(Whistling)
(Coughing)
(Ray whistling)
(Coughing)
Well--
Here we are.
This stew is from an old
family recipe
passed down by my grandma.
- Thanks.
- Thanks.
You're welcome.
Hey, Ray, what's um,
what's that?
Well, here, have a closer look.
That's a replica of an actual
raptor's claw.
Oh, treat.
Oh, I love that.
This whole area was a large hub
for all that.
Can you imagine dinosaurs
roamed on this very property
millions of years ago?
Oh, wow!
Hmm, you have quite
the collection here.
The whole backroom is full
of this stuff.
Got thousands of artifacts
and fossils.
KYLE:
Wow, thousands?
RAY:
Mmhmm.
Who's joseph Thompson?
That's my brother
and these are his things.
So are you and your brother
fixing up the ghost town
to show to the public someday
or--
That's the whole idea,
and you can come and work
the front desk when we're done.
(***)
Oh, that-- that's a good one.
(Chuckles)
There he goes again.
That was funny.
If the comedy thing
doesn't work out, that is.
(Chuckling)
(***)
[Vehicle whirring]
(Growling)
(***)
This place is so creepy.
Like people locked up in one
of these buildings or something.
(Shushing)
Need a hand with those, Ray?
No, I can manage just fine.
Sure wish I would have had
some time to show you around
here before it got dark.
Perhaps, we'll have some time
in the mornin'.
- Oh, what time will your--
- (Raptor squawking in distance)
What the hell was that?
Just restless spirits,
don't mind them.
No, really, Ray, what was that?
D-- does someone live
out there?
It's none of my business
who lives where.
Outhouse right over there.
Ray, Ray.
No, that was a strange noise.
Have you heard stuff
like that before?
I live in a ghost town, son,
I hear all kinds of
damn strange noises out here
at night.
Come on, let's get you
to your lodgings.
(Sighing)
We're gonna get m*rder*d tonight
for sure.
(Raptor growling)
(Screaming)
[Loud thud]
(***)
(Growling)
(Screaming)
[Door squeaks]
Oh, that oughta scare
the ghost away.
Well, I'll leave you to it.
Thank you so much, Ray.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Sweet, thank you.
You're so sweet, thank you.
(Chuckling)
Oh, babe.
[Coyotes barking]
(***)
Surely, there's a comedy bit
in all of this for you.
- (Scoffs)
- Oh, you think so?
Show me somethin'.
Absolutely not.
No, no, no, come on.
Get up and show me something.
A little evening's
entertainment.
Maybe I can learn something
from you.
- Oh, babe.
- Yeah.
KYLE:
Fine.
Hmm.
- Hmm.
- (Takes a deep breath)
(Clears throat)
(Blows air)
(Chuckling)
Is this thing on?
JULIA:
Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the Laugh Factory.
Tonight, we're gonna speak
about caravans.
The uh, funny thing about
stayin' in a caravan is...
- (Sighing)
- They-- mm...
They um, what?
Alright, security, security,
we got a heckler.
Get her out.
They--
(Julia chuckles)
Okay.
Fine, I don't know.
Fine.
I don't know.
No idea.
Not as easy as it looks, huh?
Alright, you put me on the spot.
- You try it.
- Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
I have tons of stuff,
but you're just gonna have
to get me out of here alive
and then I can show you
at my next gig.
(Blows a raspberry)
(Scoffs)
Seriously though,
don't you think this Ray guy
is strange?
Maybe a little odd.
Why?
I just feel like
he's hiding something.
Uh, he's probably just not been
around many people.
I mean look at this place.
Did you see the pill bottles
next to his bed?
What if he's a psychopath
and tries to k*ll us
in our sleep.
Oh, b*tch, please!
(Taking deep breaths)
Why would he wait
until we're asleep?
So we're less of a fight.
Okay, you need to stop
right now,
'cause you're gonna freak
yourself out
and we all know how you get,
so...
Okay.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Oh, wait.
- Where are you goin'?
- I have to pee.
Alright, well,
I'll-- I'll come with you.
JULIA:
Why?
For protection.
I'm a man.
Right, for protection.
I'm so sorry.
- Um, ladies first.
- Let's go.
(Whistling)
Come on, Mr. Bojangles,
come on.
Hey, there you go.
Come on.
Good boy, look.
(Chuckling)
(Raptor growling in distance)
[Dog whimpering]
(***)
[Dog whimpering in distance]
How long does it take you
to pee?
KYLE:
Not much longer.
I'll just meet you back
at the caravan.
KYLE:
No, no, Julia, don't you dare!
Don't you dare.
(Ray grunting in distance)
RAY:
I'll k*ll you.
So where are you?
You're dead!
- Come on, let's go.
- (Shushing)
Damn it.
(Ray grunting in distance)
Insane.
I'll get you.
Come here.
You son of a b*stard,
son of a...
I told you he was off.
This way.
Come on.
Mr. Bojangles, where are you?
(Whistling)
Come on.
(Growling)
(Grunting)
(Growling)
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't want,
"Here lies the hacked up body
of Julia Clark
who could have lived a long
and prosperous life
if only her friend Kyle,
who's buried next to her,
hadn't said,
'It'd be rude to leave, babe.'"
written on my gravestone!
Okay.
You're stressed and I get that,
but like I really think
there must be some
sort of explanation.
Well, I'm not sticking around
to find out.
I can't take your sh*t.
Well, I thought
he was quite nice, okay?
I can't imagine him
doin' anything that--
RAY:
Hey!
Hey!
You guys!
Hey!
You guys, open up!
No, open up!
I'm tryin'
to tell you somethin'!
Back the f*ck off,
I'm warning you!
Oh no, listen to me!
- RAY: Hear me out!
- (Kyle grunting)
(Screaming)
- (Kyle grunting)
- Listen!
There's something
in the g*dd*mn barn out there.
(Indistinct speech)
(Taking deep breaths)
What?
I can't believe that
just happened.
What do we do now?
Let's go back to the house
and find a phone.
Come on.
(Shushing)
What was that?
Who cares?
Let's go, we gotta go!
(Shushing)
Did you hear that?
Holy sh*t, I think
there's someone in there.
We gotta go, come on!
I think there's someone
in there.
No, no, no.
(Taking deep breaths)
JULIA:
Kyle.
Wait, wait, wait!
Hello?
(***)
(Raptor growling)
Run!
Go, go, go!
(Grunting)
(Taking deep breaths)
What the f*ck was that?
I don't-- I don't know.
Was that like a coyote
or something?
No, I think a lot more bigger
than that, than me.
I feel like I'm in some
sort of nightmare.
Okay, well,
get your sh*t together.
We gotta find a phone
or something.
(***)
(Gasps)
KYLE:
Julia.
Yeah?
(Taking deep breaths)
(***)
Fake.
Isn't anything f*cking real
in this place?
Julia, there's not gonna be
a phone in the kitchen, alright?
Gotta try.
(***)
You've gotta be kidding me.
What?
(Taking deep breaths)
He's a f*cking liar.
His brother's not coming!
He never was.
For all we know, he k*lled him
and fed him to that thing
he's got locked up out there.
What in the hell is going on?
W-- we uh,
we don't want any trouble.
Where are you going?
We're just about to leave.
You can't.
It's not safe out there.
I got something trapped
in the shed
and I don't know how long
it's gonna hold.
What the hell is that thing?
I don't know.
I've never seen anything
like it.
Why don't we just hunker
down here
and wait till morning?
- My brother will be here--
- Oh, bullshit!
You lied to us,
you crazy old man.
What do you mean?
Your brother's not coming
for us tomorrow.
Or ever.
(Taking deep breaths)
Why would you do that?
Because I wanted the company.
You don't know what it's like
bein' out here alone.
(Sighs)
Ever since Joe died.
[Taking deep breaths]
(***)
No more lies, Ray.
We gotta know
what's happening here.
And what's that thing
in the shed?
I told you I don't know.
(Sighing)
Sorry about--
You know, I-- I did think
you were tryin' to k*ll us.
(Sighing)
What is it?
I thought I saw something.
What was it?
I d-- I don't know.
Did you hear that?
Hell, it got out.
Mr. Bojangles, you're alive!
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Ray, how long did you say that
the door would hold for again?
That wood plank
should hold it a while.
Why?
(Taking deep breaths)
When I was at the shed,
when I fell backwards,
I think I knocked the wood
out of place.
But the door should hold it
for a little bit longer, right?
Wouldn't bet my life on it.
Mr. Bojangles.
Mr. Bojangles, come here.
Mr. Bojangles.
Come here.
Come on, get over here,
come on.
- Mr. Bojangles.
- Come here.
Come on, come on, come on.
(Kyle whistling)
RAY:
Come on.
Come on, boy.
(Mr. Bojangles whimpering)
(Sighing)
(Indistinct speech)
I'm gonna get my dog, damn it.
Ray?
Come here, boy, come on.
Come on, hurry up.
Come on.
Come on.
That's it, come on, come on.
(Sighing)
[Toy squeaking]
[Whimpering]
Yeah, do it again.
Do it again.
Come on, Mr. Bojangles.
Come on, boy.
- RAY: Come.
- JULIA: Come on.
Come on.
Come on, boy.
[Whimpering]
Come on.
Come on.
Here we go.
(Screaming)
(Growling)
(Screaming)
No!
No way!
No!
- (Sobbing)
- Oh.
- Ray.
- Mr. Bojangles.
This can't be real, this
can't be f*ck' real, okay?
I'm gonna wake up soon.
(Raptor growling)
Get those out.
Get those out.
[Objects clinking]
(Taking deep breaths)
It knows we're in here.
(Taking deep breaths)
But if we don't draw
any more attention to ourselves,
it might lose interest.
(Raptor growling)
(Taking deep breaths)
RAY:
Shut those out.
Turn that lamp off.
(Raptor growling)
Get down!
Down!
Down.
(Growling)
- Over here, come here.
- Julia.
(Raptor growling)
[Objects thudding]
We can't stay here,
it's gonna get in.
(Gibbering)
Listen, I can try to get
to the truck.
The batteries about shot in it,
but if I can get to the shed
and get the battery charger,
I might be able
to get it started, okay?
Here we are,
there's the saloon...
there's the shed.
You two get over the saloon
and go through it.
I'm gonna go out back,
get to the shed,
and then I'm gonna come around
this way,
and meet you over at the truck
by the saloon.
JULIA:
Okay.
Okay.
Here.
(Taking deep breaths)
You're gonna need this.
(Taking deep breaths)
Okay?
(***)
Here, you might need this.
Thank you.
Okay, go.
(Taking deep breaths)
(***)
(Grunting)
(***)
(Taking deep breaths)
It's right there.
Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
JULIA:
Did the light flash
in your eyes?
Listen, I'm fine, okay?
- I'm fine.
- Okay.
What's it doing?
Julia, Julia, Julia.
Ju--
Julia.
Julia.
It's just a statue.
It's a frickin' statue.
Just a frickin' donkey.
(Taking deep breaths)
(Raptor growling)
(Grunting)
Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go.
Come on.
(Taking deep breaths)
(***)
JULIA:
Do you see anything?
No, nothin'.
I see Ray!
(***)
Oh sh*t, it's gonna get him.
[Engine starting]
- Ray!
- Ray!
Ray, watch out!
KYLE:
Ray!
(Indistinct yelling)
- Ray!
- Ray!
JULIA:
Ray, watch out!
(Growling)
[Rattling]
(Growling)
Ray!
Julia.
Julia!
Don't worry, stay here.
Julia!
(Raptor growling)
JULIA:
Hey!
Hey, over here!
(Growling)
(***)
(Grunting)
(Growling)
[Engine starting]
(Grunts)
(Taking deep breaths)
(Growling)
[Loud thudding]
(Growling)
[Zapping]
(***)
Come on, come on, come on!
Come on!
[Engine revving]
Yes!
Yes, I did it!
Yes!
(***)
(Grunting)
Oh.
What's the matter, son?
You o--
What's wrong?
(Kyle grunting)
(Raptor growling in distance)
RAY:
You okay?
What's wrong?
(Kyle grunting)
(Raptor growling in distance)
(Screaming)
(Growling)
(Screaming)
(Growling)
(Taking deep breaths)
Yeah, okay.
Just take it easy.
- Where's Julia?
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
No, no,
we need to find Julia.
Come on, we will.
Just take it easy, okay?
- I'm fine, Ray.
- You sure?
- Hmm.
- You okay to sit up?
Yeah.
Okay.
Now you listen to me.
You stay right here,
and take it easy, and rest up.
I'll go get her.
You should be ready to get
the hell out of here
when we get back, okay?
(Raptor growling)
(Ray screaming)
Come on!
(Screaming)
Ray!
(Grunting)
(Taking deep breaths)
KYLE:
Ray!
(Raptor growling in distance)
(***)
[loud thumping in distance]
[Growling]
[Thudding]
(Grunting)
(Taking deep breaths)
(***)
(Growling)
(Sobbing)
Ray.
Ray.
Ray.
(Sobbing)
What the hell is happening?
f*ck.
Ray.
(***)
JULIA:
Kyle.
Kyle, are you in here?
(Taking deep breaths)
Where is it?
It's in the backroom.
Ray didn't make it.
I know.
Uh, the car.
JULIA:
Uh, it's dead.
(Raptor growling in distance)
KYLIE:
No!
Where do we go?
Far away from here.
(Raptor squawking)
(***)
(Raptor growling in distance)
(Shushing)
Right, if we're gonna get
out of here alive,
we have to either k*ll
the f*ck' thing or trap it,
so...
Okay.
(***)
Okay, here's the plan.
(Taking deep breaths)
One of us, get on the roof
and will distract it.
While the other's--
(Indistinct speech)
I think if we can in lure it,
we can close the door,
and lock it in that cage section
at the back.
Do you understand?
Okay?
(Raptor growling in distance)
- [Thudding]
- Holy sh*t!
- Come here, come on.
- Whoa, okay.
- Okay.
- Okay. Yeah, yeah.
I'll go on the roof,
you go get the horse food, okay?
- Okay.
- You with me?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
.
- .
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
- What?
- I have a question, okay?
- I have a question.
- What, what?
Okay, so--
so there's a horse truck, yeah?
For horses.
It's for horses,
not for this f*ck' pig!
You have a better idea?
- No! No!
- I love you.
You can do this.
- Ready?
- Yeah.
- .
- (Grunts)
- .
- (Grunts)
- Let's go!
- (Screaming)
Go, go!
(Grunting)
Run!
(Growling)
Kyle!
(Growling)
(Grunting)
(Screaming)
(Growling)
Hey!
(Screaming)
(Growling)
(Screaming)
(Growling)
Over here, you old f*ck!
Kyle!
Julia.
Go.
No.
Now!
(Raptor growling)
(Taking deep breaths)
(Kyle screaming)
(***)
(Taking deep breaths)
(Raptor growling in distance)
No, you die,
you piece of sh*t!
Come and get me!
(Growling)
[Dart shots]
(Taking deep breaths)
(Julia screams)
(Grunting)
(***)
[Dart shots]
(***)
* I rode into town
* About an hour ago
* I had to check my pressure
* My tank was running old
- (Raptor grunting)
- * Next thing I see
* Women in low-cut jeans
* Uh, that's a sweet little
honey sayin' *
* I sure like your truck
* I take off my hat
* And I smile...
(Indistinct lyrics
in background)
$ gas.
Are you alright?
I'm fine, give me my change.
You're welcome.
as*h*le.
(Growling)
(***)
- (Gasps)
- Oh my God!
(Chuckling)
I thought you were dead.
I told you,
I wouldn't miss your show
for the world, hey?
(Chuckling)
So like--
* Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Like-- like how the f*ck
are you alive right now?
I hid in the closet.
You were in the closet.
I've been in the closet
for years.
(Chuckling)
You were in the closet.
- (Grunts)
- Wow.
Shared trauma, baby.
We got shared trauma now.
What?
Yeah.
I mean what the f*ck
just happened?
Oh.
We forgot our backpacks.
Oh.
That's fine.
I don't need a backpack.
Oh, miles back to the car.
I'm gonna call my mom now.
Yeah.
Phew.
I'm hungry.
- I'm hungry, too.
- Yeah.
- Let's go to Danny's.
- Danny's.
KYLE:
Oh, pancake.
JULIA:
Oh, waffles.
KYLE:
Oh, treat!
(Indistinct chatter)
ANNOUNCER:
Okay, uh, this next comedian
coming to the stage,
she's hilarious.
Originally from Las Vegas,
now livin' here in Los Angeles,
please put your hands together
for the very funny Julia Clarke.
(Cheering and applauding)
Hi guys.
My name is Julia.
Nice to meet you.
Uh, how's everyone doing?
- Are you doing good?
- Yeah.
Right, good?
Honestly, however you're doing,
you're probably doing better
than me.
I'm doing pretty bad.
(Chuckling)
I'm-- honestly,
let's be real for a second.
I'm still dealing
with the emotional trauma
from being attacked by a raptor.
(Audience members chuckling)
A prehistoric dinosaur.
Yeah, I'm dead serious.
(Chuckling)
Yeah.
Actually,
I was almost literally dead,
but my fabulously handsome
and terrible at driving
best friend Kyle saved my life.
- Aw.
- Give him-- aw!
Ooh.
Yeah, it's me, b*tches!
Ooh!
He's actually newly single,
by the way.
(Audience cheering)
Uh, but ladies don't bother,
he just recently came
out of the closet, so...
Aw.
Where he was hiding
from the raptor!
Remember I was talking about
the raptor?
Yeah, I wasn't kidding
about that.
I wasn't kidding.
But also just some--
some genuine advice
for you guys.
If you ever find yourself
running from a raptor,
I suggest wearing comfy shoes,
because they are really
f*cking fast.
(Laughing)
And they're really smart, too.
While me and Kyle
were running you know,
Kyle's like,
"Oh, do you think he saw us?"
(Laughing)
And I was like, "Yeah, Kyle,
he saw us,
and he's probably doing
our f*cking taxes, too."
(Audience laughing)
"He's really smart."
He's like, "Oh, Julia, I just-
I saw you spent $
at IKEA in July.
We could probably claim that
back on work expenses."
"Oh my God, raptor, really?"
(Audience laughing)
"That's like so cool.
Thank you so much."
"Yeah, of course, Julia.
Also, one more thing."
"Yeah, raptor?"
(Screaming)
(Laughing)
And then he eats me,
'cause he's a f*cking dinosaur.
(Laughing)
(Screaming)
(Laughing)
- (Screaming)
- [Rumbling]
(Growling)
(Screaming)
(Growling)
(Screaming)
(Grunting)
(Screaming)
(Screaming)
(Taking deep breaths)
- (Gasping)
- Babe, what's goin' on?
What's goin' on?
You okay?
Yeah.
Oh, I'm fine, I'm fine.
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
Hey, don't be silly.
Come here.
So that nightmare again?
Yeah.
Hmm.
Not the one that I get eaten,
is it?
Maybe.
Hmm, right.
Sorry.
Okay.
Look, I get it, okay,
I really do,
but they found it, right?
There's nothing to worry
about anymore, okay?
I know, but I just keep
thinking like w--
what if he made more, you know?
Babe, that's ridiculous.
- There's no way he made more.
- Is it?
He could have totally made more.
It's crazy that he made one.
There's no way, I promise you.
- You promise?
- Promise.
(Chuckling)
- Don't worry.
- [Rumbling]
[Rumbling]
[Horn honking in distance]
They have earthquakes in LA,
right?
- Right, totally.
- You're fine.
Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
[Loud thumping]
(***)
(Taking deep breaths)
(***)
(Chuckling)
See?
Nothin'.
(Growling)
(Taking deep breaths)
(Grunting)
(Growling)
(Screaming)
(***)
Ready?
And action!
Now, you listen to me.
You stay right here
and rest up.
I'll go get her, okay?
Okay.
Just be ready to go
when we get back.
(Ray screaming)
Oh, no, no!
(Ray screaming)
Oh, God, no!
(Ray screaming)
- (Laughing)
- RAY: What?
Come on.
What are you guys laughin' for?
You're supposed to say "cut".
(Laughing)
RAY:
You guys are gonna k*ll
my vocal chords.
(Kyle laughing)
(***)
(***)
(***)
(***)
(***)
(***)
(***)
(***)
(***)
(***)
(***)
(***)
(***)
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Claw (2021)
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