-♪ What would you do
if I sang out of tune? ♪
♪ Would you stand up
and walk out on me? ♪
♪ Lend me your ears,
and I'll sing you a song ♪
♪ I will try not to
sing out of key, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, baby, I get by ♪
- ♪ by with a little help
from my friends ♪
-♪ All I need is my buddies ♪
-♪ High with a little
help from my friends ♪
-♪ I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ♪ - ♪
try with a little help from my friends ♪
- ♪ Whoa-oa-oa-oa, yeah ♪
- ♪ ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
-While all indicators
suggest the u.s. Economy
Is an ocean of prosperity,
There still exist
islands of stagnation,
Where growth is at
a virtual standstill.
We'll be back with more news.
-40 Bucks?
Unbelievable.
-Every sunday night, once
the dishes were cleared,
My father would referee
a battle between his income
And his outgo.
-$16.34 for the damn
phone company?
-And from the looks of it,
The outgo packed some
pretty fair punches.
-Who the hell's been
leaving the lights on?!
-Spectators who knew
the circuit laid low.
-Highway robbery.
-By the time the
final blow had landed,
That old income would be reduced
To such a measly balance
That, in our house,
we had a word
For that negligible
chunk of change.
-Allowance!
-There's the word.
[Metal scraping]
[Creaks]
"Allowance"...
-1...
- The lifeblood of adolescence.
- 2...
3...
-The fine line
between expectation...
- 4...
- And reality.
-4 Bucks again?
-Not to imply we weren't
grateful for dad's largesse.
We just... Weren't.
-Come on, dad. Give
me a break here.
I got to live, you
know... Gas, girls.
-But when it came to taking pity
On our financial lifestyles,
dad was impervious.
-You know what the
problem with you boys is?
-Uh-oh.
[Whip cracks]
- you don't understand
the value of the dollar.
[Whip cracks] when
I was your age,
I had to walk to
school 30 miles!
Blizzards! Outdoor plumbing!
-Faced with a barrage
of this magnitude,
Resistance was futile.
-4 Beans?
I can't believe this.
[Scoffs]
-Kev?
-Still, no sense looking
a gift horse in the mouth,
Especially one the
size of my father.
-Here, dad.
-1...
2...
[Creaks]
[Slams]
[Metal scraping]
[Lock clicks]
-No getting around it...
-Thanks.
- The buck stopped here.
I mean, hey...
You can't squeeze
sympathy from a stone.
-20 Cents for a nutty buddy?
-Sympathy from those in
my tax bracket, however,
Was easier to come by.
-I'm barely getting by as it is.
-Unbelievable.
-By the fall of 9th grade,
Poverty was making
paupers of us all...
Most of us, anyway.
-Whoa!
Check out kovinsky!
-Mark kovinsky... The
howard hughes of rfk.
He had more money
than general motors.
Naturally, we all admired him.
-I hate him.
-That jacket must
have cost a fortune.
-What I wouldn't give
for that wardrobe.
-On our allowances?
Forget it!
-Facts were facts... In
macroeconomic terms.
-5 Bucks a week just doesn't
go as far as it used to.
-Wait a minute. Did he say...
-5 Bucks a week?
-Pretty disgusting, huh?
-Yeah, I'll say.
-Pretty soon I'm gonna have
to dip into my savings account.
-Paul was building an
investment portfolio
While I was living
on cold beans.
-[Sighs] 5 bucks a week.
-Why? What are you getting?
-Oh, uh... It's in
the $5 ballpark.
-Uh-huh, if the ballpark
was the size of kansas.
-It's almost embarrassing!
Oh, but don't tell anyone, okay?
I don't want them to
think my father's cheap.
[Creaks, slams]
-Oh, no. Not a word.
-But, suddenly, one
thing was clear...
Dad and I had
business to conduct.
Right here, right now.
[Briefcase slams]
Or maybe it could wait.
-Hi, honey. Why so late?
-Ken stein.
New fool in management.
He's busting my hump, norma.
-Aw, jack.
-Ahh.
He's working me like a dog.
What does he think I am,
his own personal lackey?
[Grumbling]
-But hold on.
Maybe this wasn't
gonna be so hard.
-Dad?
-Maybe dad and I were thinking
along the same lines here.
Maybe he'd be sympathetic to
the plight of the downtrodden.
-I-it's about my allowance.
You know, I've been thinking...
I-i'm in 9th grade
now, and, uh, well...
-Okay. Time for a clincher.
Something telling,
something tactful.
-Paul's father
gives him $5 a week.
[Buzzer]
-Uh-oh.
I'd just broken
the cardinal rule
Of child-parent negotiations...
Never compare
them to their peers.
-You want a raise
in your allowance?
- Fine.
- Huh?
-But you're gonna have
to do some more chores.
-Chores?
-Chores? I can do chores.
-I work hard for my paycheck.
You can work hard for yours.
-Hard work?
No problem!
-♪ Workin' in a coal mine ♪
♪ Goin' down, down, down ♪
♪ Workin' in a coal mine ♪
♪ Whoop! About to slip down ♪
-Nope, hard work
never hurt anybody.
-♪ Workin' in a coal mine ♪
♪ Whoop! About to slip down ♪
Hard work... Good for the
body, good for the soul.
-♪ I'm already up and gone ♪
-It's what this country
was founded on.
-♪ Lord, I'm so tired ♪
♪ How long can this go on? ♪
-♪ Dada workin' in a coal mine ♪
♪ Goin' down, down, down ♪
♪ Workin' in a coal mine ♪
-But beyond all the blood,
sweat, and backbreaking labor,
There was a sense
of satisfaction...
-Let's see...
- Accomplishment...
-1... 2...
- Impending wealth.
[Change jingles]
- 3.
-Chintz.
[Cash register dings]
-I can't believe it!
I practically rebuilt
the whole house!
-All right, well, how
much did he pay you?
-That's not the point!
The point is the
guy's busting my hump!
The point is...
-Working for your dad, huh?
[Chuckles]
-Great... "Diamond"
jim kovinsky himself.
-Kovinsky, what do
you know about it?
-Are you kidding?
I started out the
same way you did...
Bucking for allowance,
working for peanuts.
And then one day, I woke up.
-Huh?
-What's your dad do?
-None of your business.
-A working man. Mine too.
-Yeah. So?
-So...
Who says you have
to be like your dad?
[Cash register dings]
-Adolescence is filled with
moments of great revelation.
This was one of them.
-Where'd you get that?
-On the 18th green of the
whispering grass golf course.
-You made 20 bucks caddying?
-Cash tip.
Not bad for four
hours in the fresh air.
You've got two
choices, arnold...
Be like your dad...
Or be your own man.
See ya.
-I had only one question.
-Dad, can I be a caddie?
-Huh?
-Well, you see, there's
this guy at school who...
-What do you know about golf?
-Seemed to me he was
missing the point here.
-Well, uh, maybe
i-i could learn.
-Caddie? [Chuckles]
A wuss like you?
-Shut up, wayne.
-Honey, don't caddies
have to carry around
All those heavy bags?
-Seemed like everyone
was missing the point.
-Look, mark kovinsky makes
20 bucks a round, okay?
-There... 'Nuff said!
The old bottom line.
Try saying no to that!
-I don't think so.
[Telephone rings]
- what?!
-Hello?
-I couldn't believe it!
-Jack? It's ken.
-Here I'd laid out a plan
For total lifetime
financial solvency,
And he turns me down?
-Thanks. [Clears throat]
Yeah, ken.
No, no. Don't worry about
it. That's what I'm here for.
Whatever you say, ken.
Yeah. Yeah. Bye.
[Clears throat]
Damn.
-And that's when it hit me...
Kovinsky was right.
I had two choices...
Be like my dad...
Or be my own man.
-Where do I sign up?
-A free agent. A man of wealth.
A caddie.
Behold the working man.
-Whatever you say, ken.
-Behold the future millionaire.
-It's saturday.
You sure we need to work on...
[Sighs]
Okay, fine. Where?
-By the next weekend,
this much was obvious...
My dad and I were headed
in opposite directions.
-Fine. Yeah, bye.
-Wish me luck, dad?
-Not that I didn't
want his blessings.
-Don't fall in the lake.
-But if that's the way he
wanted it, I could handle it.
I was my own man now.
A man among... Many
more experienced men.
-Chandler, meet your
golfer at the first tee.
-Go get him, eddie.
-Still, I wasn't worried.
I was a dedicated
professional...
-Culver, you're up!
- A highly trained specialist...
-Coleman!
Norklen!
Fowler!
- An obvious unemployable.
It was beginning to look like
I was gonna lose
money on the day.
-Arnold!
What are you doing here?
-Oh.
I-i, uh...
-I get it. [Chuckles]
You're waiting for
the big one, aren't you?
Remember that $20
tip I told you about?
Well... That's the bag.
[Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!]
-And suddenly, I knew.
That bag was destined for
just one pair of shoulders.
-Arnold!
-Mine!
Yep, my fortune was made,
Thanks to patience,
tenacity, and, of course...
-Ken stein.
Looks like we're
together for 18.
-Kevin.
-Got a firm grip there, kevin.
I like a man with a firm grip.
-Let's see... Firm grip?
That'd probably be worth
at least $3.75 right there.
-Thanks, mr. Stein.
-Call me ken!
- "Ken."
It was a good name...
A golfer's name.
The name...
-Son, we're gonna have
kind of a working session.
You don't mind a
little shoptalk, do you?
- Of my father's boss.
-Jack, come over here
and meet young kevin.
-Kevin.
-It was a critical juncture.
-Jack.
-But we handled it well,
Like total strangers.
Live and let live.
-Isn't he a little
small to be a caddie?
-Make that every
man for himself.
-Hey!
I can carry my weight.
-That's the spirit
I like to see.
Arnold, you want
to do the honors?
-[Clears throat]
-So, the prelims were
over. We were on our way.
Me, heading for easy street...
My dad...
[Zoom!]
[Clunk!]
Heading for the rough.
-Tough way to start, arnold.
You wouldn't mind if I
kept score, would you?
-Whatever you say, ken.
-Let's play golf.
-Over the first few holes,
It became apparent this
wasn't my father's day.
I, on the other hand,
Was basking in the
sunlight of future riches.
-Nice shot, sir.
-Ken.
Call me ken.
-Ken.
-Yep, 20 bucks a
loop, 4 loops a week...
Carry the 4...
Easy money...
-Dagnabit!
- For a guy who knew how to
smooth out the rough spots.
-You know, they don't clip
these greens very well.
-You're darn right.
-Face it.
When it came to dealing
with management problems,
I had a certain... Flair.
-Ah, nice.
-I believe that
puts us 2 ahead, ken.
-You know, I got
my start as a caddie.
-Really?
-Yep, I felt kind of
a kinship to this guy.
He reminded me of... Me...
A real winner...
[Ducks quacking]
-Damn!
- In contrast to my
previous role model.
In fact, by the time we
reached the halfway point,
I was almost feeling
sorry for the old man.
-I figure you about 7
strokes off the pace, arnold.
Tell you what...
Maybe I ought to play
left-handed a few holes.
[Laughs]
- whatever you say, ken.
-Tell you what...
What say I buy us
all some sodas, huh?
-I'm all right.
-You?
-Sure.
-That's the spirit.
-Aha!
Spirit, I had...
Plus a shoulder
that was k*lling me.
-How you holding up?
-What?
-It's a big bag...
Must be heavy.
-W-well...
-You don't have to k*ll
yourself, you know?
He can finish with
another caddie.
-Another caddie?
So, that was his game.
-Hey, you don't have to
worry about me, all right?
-Suit yourself.
-And I would. I
didn't need his help.
-Here we go.
I had upper management.
-Say, jack, I've
been thinking...
-And then upper management
made one little mistake.
Maybe it's your clubs.
They're too old.
Cheap, you know?
- [Groans]
-Maybe if you put a
little money in your bag,
You might give us
more of a match, huh?
-And suddenly all bets were off.
-Well [sighs]
Let's just see what
these old clubs can do.
-Ouch!
Mama!
Goodbye!
-Not bad there, arnold.
-Not bad? Not bad?!
Those old clubs had banged out
Some of the most beautiful
shots in the annals of golf.
[Wings flapping]
And as dad's game
turned into gold,
Mr. Stein turned
into... Mr. Hyde.
-Hell!
-Uh, it... It was
a difficult shot.
-Look, when I want your
advice, I'll ask for it.
Just keep the clubs
clean, will you?
-Okay.
-The funny thing is, the
smaller my tip began to look,
The heavier that bag got.
[Birds screeching]
By the 18th fairway, I'd
learned something interesting.
The whispering grass back
nine measures exactly 4,000 miles
Tee to green.
-Caddie!
Let's hustle it up, huh?!
-But I wasn't giving up.
I was gonna make that
easy money or die trying.
Whichever came first.
-Tough lie, ken.
-Still, there was
no reason to panic.
It was the last hole, and
dad was 3 strokes behind.
Make that 2.
Make that 1.
And then... It happened.
-Damn it all!
-But it was more than just a $51
Copper-faced, billy
casper, all-pro sand wedge
That disappeared into that lake.
-Get it!
-It was my dignity.
-Pardon?
-You heard me.
Bring it to me.
-And suddenly I felt very alone.
-Well, son?
-It was up to me.
I didn't have to go fetch.
I could have told that
guy what I thought of him
Right there, right then.
-I...
-But for some reason,
at that moment,
I heard myself utter four
words I'd heard somewhere before.
-Whatever you say, ken.
-And so, after 18 holes
spent counting future riches,
It all came down to this.
-You sink this one and
you beat me, arnold.
-Here I was, up to
my knees in mud,
While my workaday dad was
about to carry off the prize.
It was the easiest
putt he'd had all day...
And he missed it
by a good 3 feet.
But that wasn't all.
-[Sighs]
-He missed the next one, too.
-That was a long, long day...
-[Chuckles]
-And somehow, all of a
sudden, I understood why.
-Ready?
-Uh, yeah. Ready.
-That day, I began to realize
something about this man
I was trying so
hard not to be like.
-How you holding up?
-I'm a little tired.
-He understood
the value of money
And the cost of it.
-Hey, it's too bad
about that putt.
-A putt's a putt.
-You could have made it, dad.
-Maybe.
-I guess dad knew
he could lose a game
And still not lose his manhood.
His pride didn't
hinge on a stupid shot
Or some shiny, new clubs.
And I suddenly knew
Exactly what I wanted
to use my money for.
-Dad?
Can I buy you lunch?
-Whatever you say, kev.
-It was the first time I
ever really said thank you
To the man for
all he'd given me.
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register