01x13 - X-Treme t*rture

[bunniefuu]

chris: last time on total drama island,

the eleven surviving campers were put through

master chief hatchet's brutal boot camp.

duncan was the first to be sent to the brig

by major harshness for disorderly conduct.

shocker.

but what was a surprise was when by-the-book courtney

smuggled food to p.o.w. Duncan

the two proceeded to pull a b-and-e to steal some

p.b. And j and ended up k-i-s-s-i-n-g.

leshawna won her stripes for the gophers.

and the bass smelt something fishy

when courtney was suddenly voted off.

confession cams revealed that it was harold who tampered

with the votes to get back at duncan for torturing him,

which seems a bit unfair.

I mean, hello, he's a bully.

That's what they do.

Birds gotta fly.

Fishes gotta swim, dude.

Let a player play.

This week the campers are pushed to the x-treme!

Who will crack under the pressure?

Find out right now on total drama island.

(Snoring)

(Airplane engine roaring)

Incoming!

Hit the deck!

(Screaming)

Yes!

I can't wait to get my pilot's license!

Just flexing your muscles for today's

X-treme sports challenge!

(Echoing)

Uh, it's too early for this.

This week you'll participate in three challenges.

First up, x-treme sofa bed skydiving!

Contestants will plummet-- uh--

Skydive to awaiting sofa bed target below.

Of course, you'll be skydiving

From five thousand feet and using these.

Our lucky contestants are trent and d.j.

Sure. Why not?

You know, what they say on black comb mountain, bro?

Best glimpse of heaven's on the way into hell.

Let's do this.

Yeah. Ugh.

Sure. Bring it on.

Not so fast, because, the second challenge

Of the day is x-treme rodeo moose riding!

Contestant will rodeo ride the great canadian bucking moose

For seconds or get hoofed into a giant pile of socks

From the lost and found.

That's stink pile ain't nothing but laundry day back home.

It's your lucky day, leshawna.

You're riding for gophers and geoff, you'll ride for bass.

He doesn't look too bucky to me.

Hi, beautiful.

And the final challenge--

X-treme seadoo water skiing!

contestant will water ski a race course grabbing

As many flags they can before crossing the finish line.

While a member from the opposing team drives

The seadoo.

How can we water ski without water?

It's really hard. Check it out.

(Laughs) awesome!

Harold! You'll ski for k*ller bass...

Sweet!

And lindsay for the screaming gophers.

Cool! I can model my new bikini.

Now for the cool swag, whoever scores

The most challenges get bragging rights for the night,

Saves their butts from elimination and wins

A tricked-out multi-message mobile shower.

(All gasp)

lindsay: can it be?

Oh. It be.

Ugh. A shower?

How about something good?

Listen to me, you marshmallow-eating goof,

We are gonna win that shower if it's the last thing we do.

Got it?

Okay, g*ng, chow for breakie,

Then report back in minutes

For the x-treme sport challenge!

Sweet grub, bro.

For the girl with smoldering eyes?

Check it out, it's a corny haiku poem.

Whoa.

Some dude's crushing big time.

It's probably for you.

Really?

I was gonna say it was for you.

But trent is totally crunching on you.

I've seen the way he always scams an extra muffin for you.

Yeah, but geoff is so into you.

Remember at the dock yesterday

How he tried to get your attention?

Then again, geoff probably couldn't pronounce haiku,

Let alone write one.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing. He's just not exactly the scholarly type.

Oh, and I suppose trent is busy boning up on his

Nietzsche in his spare time?

I think trent is more nietzsche than geoff is haiku-ie.

Haiku-ie? Humph.

Well, at least geoff isn't a poser.

Trent probably doesn't even write his own songs.

Tell you what, betty, I'll bet you two nights' desert

That the poem was for me.

Oh, I'm up for that. Down with that.

Whatever. You're on.

Now, remember, ground teams can wheelie

The sofa beds wherever they want in order to help

Their comrade with the landing.

Sayonara, trent.

I hope your attempts to impress weird goth girl

Are worth the chalk outline.

Uh, did you ever think that maybe trent's doing this

As a form of self-expression, like haiku?

Or--not.

(Sighs) okay, so it wasn't my most subtle sleuthing moment.

If you could just fill these out?

What?

We already signed the insurance forms

In the beginning of the show!

Yeah, but these are for organ donation!

I have this cool cannibal challenge

I want to pitch to the producers and this will go a long way

Toward budgeting free props!

Here comes the drop, boys!

I don't see the drop zone.

Push, why is this thing so heavy?

Come on, you big tub of lard, move.

(Sighing)

Any other bright ideas?

At least it'll be a soft landing.

Uh--i don't think I can do this man.

Don't worry, dude, I'm sure you'll hit the mattress.

(Screaming)

Oh, snap. (Gasping)

Trent?

(Groans)

Okay, pull the blue cord first then the red.

Blue then red.

Blue.

Red!

(Screaming)

You know what's really romantic?

Uh, writing someone's name in the snow with your pee?

Uh, actually I was thinking more of the written word.

Oh. You mean like a tattoo.

Oh, yeah.

I've got one on my butt. Wanna see?

(Screaming)

All: go! Go! Go!

(Screaming)

-All: yeah! -Bridgette: whoo-hoo! All right!

Everything's still here?

Nothing's broken?

Whew!

(Gasping)

(Whistling)

Gophers lose!

Bass wins!

- .

Nice going, trent.

Trent, is there anything you want to ask me

Before they take you to get, uh--re-boned?

Yeah.

Is my hair messed up?

Okay, cowpokes, let's start the rodeo moose challenge!

geoff: rodeo riding's kind of like surfing,

Once you catch the lip, you just flow with the mojo.

Yeah, flow.

Kinda like the ancient art of japanese haiku.

What's a haiku?

hey, bridge,

Wanna see that tat?

Whoa!

Definitely not haiku-ie.

(Moose snorting)

(Screaming)

And geoff's--

Out?

Ooh! That stinks big-time for bass.

chris: wait a minute. pause that.

let's just rewind that shot and run it in super-slow-mo.

i'm embarrassed.

this is so degrading.

i mean, just look at me!

can we just please get a decent budget together

for hair and makeup?

i look like I just fell out of bed.

jeesh!

No, seriously, that is some rank stuff.

Leshawna, let's jet!

(Bird chirping)

I hope you got a moose-burger recipe handy.

(Chuckling)

leshawna: easy, boy.

You don't want to make me mad, now.

(Moose snorting)

Sweet mother of--aah!

So, your guy's a metro with a broken back.

So, your guy's a grammatically challenged skater flake.

leshawna: ooh! hoo! Ooh, ooh, ooh! Ooh!

Oh-oh-oh-ooh.

Is that the best you got? You got nothing.

Okay, so it wasn't trent or geoff.

Yeah. Plus, we kind of just assumed it was for us.

leshawna: get me off of this thing!

Well, whoever it is, we're gonna find out.

leshawna: ooh, ooh, ooh! Ooh!

Deal?

So, we have a tie!

Whoever wins the x-treme sea-doo water ski challenge

Wins invincibility.

lindsay: I'm ready.

Heather: we are so dead-- unless..

I get to drive the wave jumper!

Just win the dang shower so I can get my hair did.

This is it. We're tied for the win.

Bad-to-the-bone duncan is driving lindsay.

I'm skiing for the bass.

Winning is inevitable.

Goodbye, wedgies, wet willies, and toilet-face plunges.

Hello, dirty harold.

Okay, so, haikuist candidates are duncan, harold,

D.j., Or owen.

Well, we know duncan was crushing on courtney,

So he's out.

And harold is--

Ladies.

Aah!

Yeah.

I'll take owen, you take d.j.

You are so out of your league, alpha geek.

Here's the road rules.

Oh, wait--there are no rules.

Which means this is gonna be awesome!

So, read any good poems lately?

So, asked any arbitrary, way-out-of-left-field

Questions lately?

(Sighing)

And go!

(Motor revving)

Ah! Ooh! Ow! Ow!

chris: flag for bass!

Both: yes!

No!

chris: five flags and heading home!

That's impossible!

Heather has to cross the finish line

Or be disqualified.

But when she does, harold will take five flags

To victory for the k*ller bass!

(Gasping)

I couldn't let that little dork-wad win,

So I decided to cut him loose.

Game over, gumby!

Victory is -- huh?

(Screaming)

(Gasping)

(Screaming)

(Growling)

I don't know what heather did to make harold

Lose his concentration, but it's a total wipeout

For the bass team.

Boobies!

So, if we win, is there a someone special

You'll be, uh, showering for?

Why would I need to shower?

We're in the wild.

Ugh!

Never mind. (Gagging)

chris: ready, set, riding it like it's sweeps week. Go!

flag .

-Yeah! -Eew!

chris: flags , , .

(Growling)

chris: lindsay has snagged

Flag and is racing home for the win.

Duncan is euchred!

He has to cross!

Says you!

(Screaming)

Lindsay: whoo! Whoo-hoo!

She won?

chris: gophers win!

(Cheering)

lindsay: sorry about that, dunc.

I just really wanted that shower!

Ugh! Whatever.

Girlfriend, give me some sugar.

Really could have used that shower.

(Sniffing)

Whew! Right you are, my skunky friend.

So I landed in a pile of socks, big deal.

I can't stink that bad, can i?

The bass team went belly-up and will now decide

Which fishy to flush, while the gophers

Totally scored some much-needed showers.

(Sighing)

What's up with chicks and showers?

So, we ruled out owen and d.j.

I know. So who could it be?

Who could what be?

Another note from your secret admirer, leshawna?

Both: leshawna's the crush girl?

You two know someone else here

With a booty as luscious as an apple?

But who wrote it?

As you know, if you do not receive

A marshmallow you will be forced to walk the dock of shame,

And you can never, ever return to camp.

Bridgette and d.j., You are safe.

Geoff, you're safe too.

Muchos luchos, compadre!

Okay, that leaves harold,

Who bailed big for reasons unknown.

Boobies.

chris: and duncan, who bailed even bigger,

Because lindsay left him circling the drain

In a shameless--

That chick was determined.

Which is why you're safe.

Harold, sorry, dude.

you're done like dinner.

Well, it's been fun, guys.

Farewell, total drama island.

I loved.

I lost.

And I saw boobies.

What more can a man ask for?

You loved?

You're a man?

You saw boobies?

Leshawna, I meant every word of that poem.

Poem?

That was you?

No way.

Baby, you some kind of fa-reaky!

Give daddy some sugar.

(Gasping)

Leshawna and harold?

I was as shocked as you.

But you didn't read the letters.

(Snickering)

Mmm...spicy.

Wait a sec.

So, harold saw your boobies?

Can we see?

Heck no.

Wait a minute.

Whose boobies did you see?

(Sighing)

Uh-uh! Uh-uh! Uh-uh! Oh-oh!

Oh, see now, you messed with the wrong sister.

Oh, please, it was a total fluke.

You think I'd actually show that dweeb my boobs on purpose?

Aah! Aah!

Get back here!

(Screaming)

Well, that's settled.

-Night. -Night.