01x04 - Mr. Monk Meets Dale the Whale

[bunniefuu]

[Telephone ringing]

911 emergency.

(Woman) Oh, god. He's in the house.

You've got to help me! He's going to k*ll me!

Okay, ma'am, now, just calm down.

Who is in the house?

It's Dale biederbeck. Dale biederbeck!

(Operator) Dale biederbeck.

Ma'am, what is your address?

(Woman) It's 415 vinton.

For god's sakes, hurry!

(Operator) Okay. Stay with me. Is he armed?

Ma'am?

Does he have a w*apon? Are you being threatened?

(Woman) He doesn't need a w*apon! He's Dale biederbeck!

(Female operator) Possible 556 in progress.

Ma'am, can you get to a safe place?

(Woman) No. I'm upstairs. I'm trapped.

(Operator) Okay, ma'am, just stay by the phone.

(Woman) Here he comes. Oh, my god!

No... no!

Ma'am?

[Dial tone]

Ma'am?

Hello?

[Light music]

♪

See? Isn't this fun?

Now, Adrian, this is what normal people do on a sunday morning.

Get up.

They hang out, relax, eat brunch.

They don't stay at home and vacuum their rug 40 times.

Mom, we're not exactly normal.

We are compared to some people.

Okay, who do you want to be...

Yellow, green, red, or blue?

Oh, boy.

Okay. Uh...

Okay.

Oh, boy.

Honey, remember we talked about how Mr. Monk has trouble making decisions?

Oh, yeah. Okay.

You'll be colonel mustard. Good.

Now, you remember how to play?

You break down all the clues on your pad...

I'm ready to guess.

(Sharona) Adrian, you have to play the game.

You have to go around the board from room to room collecting clues.

I know who did it.

We haven't started yet. Come on!

It was professor plum in the dining room with a rope.

He's right.

We played this game last year.

I remember what cards everybody was holding and how they were put away.

And then just now, I was watching how benjy shuffled.

That's it. That's it!

That is the last time I ever play a game with you, Adrian!

You are just no fun!

Okay.

Don't you ever wonder why you never get invited anywhere?

No. Not really.

Well, this is why!

Okay. [Telephone ringing]

Well, I think it's awesome.

Mom, can I bring him to school, please?

Like for show and tell?

You can take him every day.

Hello?

Oh! Hey, captain.

Yeah, he's right here.

Stottlemeyer.

Oh, well, actually, uh, we were just finishing up a pretty big case.

It was this nasty homicide, um...

Ow!

This woman was found m*rder*d in her dining room with a rope.

Yeah. Hold on, let me check our schedule.

[Whispering] It's a job.

[Sirens]

Hey, monk.

I'm glad you're here.

Miss Fleming.

"Glad you're here"?

God, you must really be desperate.

Usually the major's office has to shove us down your throat.

Fact is, the mayor's office did call, but this time I did not argue.

We have an unusual situation here.

Yes? Well, what do we have?

(Disher) Homicide with a baseball bat.

10:37 last night.

You know the exact time of death?

We know because she was on the phone with 911 at the time.

Adrian, wait.

What?

Captain, before we get started, could you just initial this agreement?

It's our standard consultation fee.

It's what?

Our standard consultation fee.

Could we take care of that later, sharona?

Not now!

Adrian...

I prefer to take care of business first.

Bet that's not the first time you've said that.

Bite me.

Gimme that.

(Monk) Whoa.

Look at these prints.

This was a big guy.

Yes, he was a really big guy.

Parked nearby, maybe around the corner.

Walked through here and went in through the side door.

Yeah. And the lock's still intact.

It wasn't jimmied. She must have left it open.

And what's all this?

(Stottlemeyer) These are rocks from the garden.

k*ller left them like this.

(Disher) It's a message.

He's toying with us.

Some sort of code, but I haven't been able to figure it out yet.

You think the k*ller stopped here in plain view of the neighbors, went rooting around in the garden, collected a few rocks, and then arranged them carefully on the grass?

What do you think?

I think he was looking for a hide-a-key.

(Sharona) I found it.

(Monk) Oh, man.

Oh, god.

I don't feel so good.

This is like a feng shui nightmare in here.

Adrian, you gotta calm down.

You're rambling.

Come on.

Monk. Monk! Monk.

Was there a fire? I smell something.

In the kitchen.

Partner... hey, hey, hey! It's a crime scene.

Okay, I know. I'm just...

It's okay, I'll knock it all over again.

Don't worry.

How many intruders?

Are you guys gonna tell me what's going on?

Not yet.

Adrian, please.

How many intruders?

(Disher) Just one.

Just one. Just one!

(Stottlemeyer) Monk, leave it.

Oh, what... what's with this?

That's a smoke alarm.

She was in the kitchen cooking something when he broke in, and it started to burn.

A little girl across the street saw the guy turning it off.

So there was a witness?

(Disher) She's ten years old. She didn't see much.

So the perp breaks in, he goes berserk in here.

The victim runs upstairs and calls 911.

That's strange.

What's strange?

The phone.

He didn't take the phone off the hook.

So, what, he just let her call 911?

Any prints?

Nope. Nothing so far.

So... she's here, cooking.

He breaks in. He's a big guy.

Lotta noise.

(Stottlemeyer) He must have cornered her in here and then chased her out and caught up with her in the bedroom?

I would have grabbed a knife.

Why didn't she grab a knife?

(Stottlemeyer) I don't know.

She was over here...

On the phone.

Severe blunt trauma to the head with a baseball bat.

Has this phone been touched?

No, no. The scene's intact.

[Beep]

[Beep]

[Dial tone]

The antenna has to be up to get a signal in here.

So?

Somebody lowered it all the way after the call.

You don't usually see that when someone's getting bludgeoned to death.

Oh, no, this can't be the victim?

(Stottlemeyer) Yep.

I recognize her. Wasn't she a judge?

Katherine lavinio, state superior court.

You should check the court records.

Somebody probably just lost a case and held a grudge.

We don't have to check anything, because we know who did it.

What?

The judge identified him.

By name. On the phone.

Then why are we here?

Because the man who did it couldn't have done it.

[Man] I'm sorry, Mr. Biederbeck, but that...

(biederbeck) Hold on, hold on.

Now, is it Danny or Daniel?

(Man) Danny, sir.

(Biederbeck) Fine, Danny.

If you screw with me, I'll eat your heart on a stick.

Now, the fcc...

(Danny) My boss is busy right now, sir. Go on, Sabrina.

I know your boss is busy, Danny.

I'm watching him.

Tell him Dale biederbeck wants an answer.

Now. Yes, sir.

Not later. Now!

Is he in or out?

If he's in, tell him to...

Clean his glasses.

Congratulate the congressman.

He's just been reelected to a fifth term.

[Chuckling]

Oh, it's better than the home shopping network.

Whoa, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

I'm not finished!

This stuff will k*ll you.

I'm not gonna die.

You won't let me, will you, doctor?

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Right on time.

(Sharona) Dale biederbeck?

They call him Dale the whale.

I never heard of him.

He spends a fortune every year making sure nobody ever hears of him.

He buys newspapers just to keep his name out of them.

[Elevator bell dings]

All right, I want everybody to be careful in there.

This guy is smart.

He's gonna try to bait you. Assume you're being videotaped.

Do not accuse him of anything.

And monk, I don't have to remind you that this bastard's got deep pockets and he's got a platoon of lawyers, and he loves to use them.

You met him?

What happened?

Good afternoon.

I'm christiaan vezza.

I am Mr. Biederbeck's personal physician.

I'm captain stottlemeyer.

Lieutenant disher, Adrian monk, and sharona Fleming.

Sharona. Enchante.

Could you spell your last name for me, doctor?

V-e-z-z-a.

Mr. Biederbeck is expecting you.

Really? Well, I didn't tell him we were coming.

Mr. Biederbeck is never surprised.

Well, my, my, my, the boys in blue!

[Dog yipping] And the former boy in blue.

Forgive me if I don't get up. [Growling]

Now, now, now. Come on, now, Bentley.

I'm sorry. He hates cops.

Mr. Biederbeck, I am captain stottlemeyer.

This is lieutenant disher, and this is Adrian...

Oh, I know Adrian monk.

How long has it been, my friend?

Seven years.

Seven years!

You look good. How do I look?

You look great, Dale.

Hardly recognized you.

Mr. Biederbeck has lost 104 pounds since march.

It's my own patented diet.

High protein juices and shakes.

Of course, the hard part is keeping it off.

And this must be sharona, the little nurse that saved his life.

Come here, my dear.

Let me get a look at you.

Come on, I won't bite. Come closer.

[Dog growling]

Tell me... Are you still doing house calls?

Um, I-I don't do that anymore.

Oh, that's a shame.

Call me if you change your mind.

You know, my night nurse just quit.

Didn't give notice. Can you imagine?

Excuse me. [Sighs]

Excuse me, putz!

You're blocking the view.

It's really all I have.

Mr. Biederbeck, we are investigating the m*rder of judge Katherine lavinio.

I believe you knew her.

Knew her very well.

She was a political slug, and I wasn't shy about saying so.

Her antitrust ruling cost me $210 million.

And this was back when $210 million was a lot of money.

Whoever k*lled her did the world a favor.

(Stottlemeyer) Is this your bat?

Captain, do I look like I play a lot of baseball?

Well, how do you explain your initials d.B. On the handle?

Well, the question really is how do you explain it, peewee?

Maybe you put them there.

Are you accusing us of tampering? Wouldn't dream of it.

But I could probably convince a jury of it.

The first 20 numbers on my speed dial are all lawyers.

Shall I call one?

Adrian, by the way, I was very sorry to hear about Trudy.

I know she was your beloved, and I heard that during our little difficulty, you never left her side, not even once.

Tch, tch.

Where were you last night...

About 10:30?

Last night.

Let me see, 10:30...

Um... oh, yes!

I was here!

I haven't left this bed in 11 years!

Even if I could, I can't make it through the door.

I'm 5 1/2 feet wide, if you haven't noticed.

More of me to love, sharona.

And I know what you're thinking.

Is he really that big? What's under those covers?

I would confirm and swear under oath that my patient weighs over 800 pounds.

He's not faking anything.

Excuse me, are... Are you my lawyer?

Are you my lawyer?

No, sir. Then shut up!

And stop defending me.

Your job is very simple. You keep me alive.

Can you handle that?

Yes. Good!

Where were we?

Bread and butter.

What?

Bread and butter.

Those were Trudy's last words, weren't they?

The transcript of the coroner's inquest is a matter of public record.

The Internet, monk.

It's the fat man's best friend.

It's been troubling me for years.

What could she have meant?

Bread and butter.

Go to hell.

[Laughing] No doubt, I will.

I just hope it's handicapped accessible.

No, no, no, no.

Nunca me interrumpas! Dije que no!

Afuera, afuera!

Oh!

Trained monkey could do better.

(Stottlemeyer) Mr. Biederbeck, this is not a joke.

We have evidence, and it's overwhelming.

Is it? Yes, it is.

You have motive.

You were identified by name on the 911 call.

A child in the neighborhood saw you in the judge's house that night.

Oh, my god, that sounds like a strong case, captain.

What do you think, monk?

I think you k*lled her.

Prove it.

There's no way.

45 inches. There's no way, captain.

The elevator's even smaller.

What do you think?

He did it. That's all I know.

(Stottlemeyer) How 'bout a crane through the window, a construction crane... they lowered him down to the street.

Without anybody noticing? It's impossible.

Gentlemen.

Sharona.

Welcome to the freak house.

Excuse me, doctor, how long have you worked for biederbeck?

I met him nine years ago while I was writing an article on the morbidly obese.

He funded my clinic and all my research.

In exchange, I am on call 24 hours a day.

I sold my soul to the human wrecking ball.

Will you excuse me?

(Stottlemeyer) Helicopter. How 'bout a helicopter?

I thought you could use this.

Thank you.

[Ahem]

So you're a nurse.

Mm.

I was.

Where did you intern?

Modesta general.

So you knew Michelle bletchen?

Oh! Oh, my god, yes.

[Both chuckling]

The wretched miss bletchen. [Clears throat]

[Female, accented voice] Attention, everyone! Attention!

This is not a drill!

Oh, god! [Laughing]

That is amazing. You sound just like her.

[As Katharine] Yes, you should hear my Katharine hepburn.

That's very good. Very good.

[Clears throat] Well, um...

Thank you. Thank you.

I would, uh, love to buy you a real drink some time.

When do you get off work?

In December.

No. [Laughs]

Little joke.

Uh, excuse me, doctor.

Now, if biederbeck is too big to get out of the room, how did he get in there in the first place?

He's like a ship in a bottle.

Well, when he first bought the apartment, he weighed a mere 422 pounds.

He could still walk.

On a good day, he could see his toes.

Then his mother died, and he had a complete breakdown.

He started bingeing.

He would call restaurants and order everything on the menu.

He topped out at 927 pounds.

That was a decade ago.

He has not left the room since.

Like I said... It's just not possible.

[Clang]

(Man) Request denied.

Your honor, this is a very unusual case.

If you'll just let me explain the details...

Denied, lieutenant.

How can I issue a search warrant? [Clang]

Your so-called primary suspect can't possibly be guilty.

He can't leave the room or go down the elevator. [Clang]

Adrian.

It's all right, miss Fleming. Mr. Monk is an old friend.

Your honor... [Clang]

Your honor, Mr. Biederbeck may not weigh as much as he claims.

I have a deposition here from Dr. Vezza, his personal physician, as well as two other physicians.

[Clang]

Did biederbeck ever thr*aten the victim?

No, not e... exactly. [Clang]

Did he confess to the crime?

(Monk) He's too smart for that.

But he did it, judge.

And he wants us to know he did it.

He's rubbing our faces in it. Your honor, he was identified by name on the 911 tape.

I don't like this any more than you do, lieutenant.

[Clang]

Kate lavinio was a friend of mine.

We had dinner at Tuscany's the night she was m*rder*d.

But the law is the law.

You tell me how biederbeck could have possibly committed the crime, and I will serve this warrant personally.

[Clang]

(Disher) Uh-huh.

Yes, sir.

That was the captain.

He says it's okay to go ahead with plan "b".

What's plan "b"?

Sharona going undercover as biederbeck's nurse.

What? Thanks for consulting me.

She still has her license, right?

I mean, biederbeck needs a nurse.

The other one just quit.

No. Absolutely not. I forbid it.

Sharona? She's not a police officer.

Well, neither are you. What?

You don't think I can handle this?

What are you talking about? Forget this!

I know biederbeck. You don't.

He's dangerous.

This man is capable of anything.

He weighs 804 pounds.

What is he gonna do, break wind on me?

Let me explain the arrangement here.

I'm the employer. You work for me.

I get to say what goes, and I say no.

(Biederbeck) Yoo-hoo!

[Buzzer] Sharona!

[Buzzing] ♪ come out, come out, wherever you are ♪

[buzzing] I know you can hear me.

♪ Hello!

Oh, my god.

♪ Florence nightingale [Buzzing]

Daddy needs food!

Oh, crap!

Oh! There you are.

Didn't you hear the buzzer?

I'm starving!

I'm wasting away here!

Sorry.

Where were you?

I was in the kitchen. I couldn't find a tray.

Liar, liar.

Remember, there are no secrets in the house of biederbeck.

You should know that. [TV in background]

H-hold on.

You know, Conroy is looking tired.

Why don't you put in a left-hander?

[Opera playing in background]

Feed me.

[Dog yips]

Mm!

Oh, you know, most of my other nurses sit on the chair.

You must be attracted to me.

Mm... uhh!

[Chortling]

Look, I'm just trying to do my job, okay?

So... did you find what you were looking for?

What do you mean?

Don't be clever with me, sharona.

You're not up to it.

I know that monk sent you here to spy on me.

No, he didn't.

You decided to come on your own.

Fantastic.

That... that's not true.

Of course it is.

Hey, did he tell you about his wife and me?

I know all about it.

No, you don't.

He didn't tell you. He's too ashamed.

See, nine years ago, his beloved Trudy wrote a piece on me in which she said I was the genghis Khan of world finance.

So I sued her and the rag that published the piece.

Now, I knew I couldn't win, but I dragged things on long enough that eventually Mr. and Mrs. Monk had to sell everything...

Even that cute little starter house they lived in.

You know who owns it now?

You.

Mm-hmm.

[Lowers voice] I use it to store my pornography collection.

Which reminds me.

Are you interested in earning a little extra money?

Oh... oh, come on, now!

Don't be like that!

I mean, after all, sharona, I know how you paid your rent back in Miami.

[Dog snarls]

What kind of dog is that?

Hmm? [Kiss kiss]

Sweetheart, if you wanna feel my stomach, all you have to do is ask.

No.

I wasn't trying...

Of course you were!

You were thinking, "my god!

Can he really be that big?

Or is it a trick?"

[Whispering] Let's find out, shall we?

Totally ♪ al fresco!

Oh, my god.

[Knocking]

(Benjy) Mom? Are you okay?

You've been in there all morning.

(Sharona) Go away!

Mr. Monk is here.

Tell him I hate my job, and I quit.

I've never seen her freak out like this.

I told her not to go!

[Toilet flushes]

In case you're wondering, yes, he really is that fat, okay?

He's orca! He's horrific!

He also had videotapes of the judge.

What kind of tapes?

[Telephone ringing]

Interviews she did for TV.

He had about ten of 'em.

Wait...

Hello?

Yeah, he's here.

It's for you.

Hello?

(Biederbeck) Bread and butter.

Bread and butter. It's been driving me crazy.

What could she possibly have meant?

Bread and butter!

I figure it was a message.

A secret message just for you.

What can I do for you, Dale?

Well, I'm a little worried about sharona.

She sort of fell apart on us last night.

I'm really not sure if we can count on her, Adrian.

You have other things to worry about.

You can't scare me.

Don't even try. You're meek.

Meeky, meek, meek.

[Bell ringing] Ooh! Ooh. Gotta go.

The Munich markets are closing.

Toodle-oo.

Uh, I'm sorry... I'm sorry I'm eating my lunch.

You know, I only take 20 minutes for lunch.

No, no, no, no.

I appreciate you squeezing me in.

Well, okay. So, uh...

We... we were talking about Dale the whale.

His name is, uh...

His name is biederbeck.

Yeah, I know.

He owns my building. I'm not surprised.

He owns half the city with a...

You know, with an option on the other half.

[Chuckling]

What do you think he had, like a vendetta against, uh, Trudy?

It was grueling.

I would find her sitting in the car in the driveway, crying.

It was the worst year of her life.

She only had 34, and he stole one of them.

So now...

He's a suspect in this homicide case.

So how does that make you feel?

I-i-i hate the man.

Is that wrong?

No. No, I think it would be unusual if you didn't... Is there something wrong?

Uh...

[Chuckling]

Um...

Uh, tomato sauce on chin, right?

Okay, good. Thank you, Adrian. [Chuckling]

What is that?

That is a doggy bag.

My wife and I went out for dinner last night.

And you couldn't finish...

'Cause you were full.

Yeah. That's right.

You were full!

So you... you brought the rest home in a doggy bag.

Am... am I missing something here?

(Sharona) Adrian, do you know who asked me out?

Hmm?

I'll give you a hint. He's a doctor.

Kevorkian?

Very funny.

Christiaan vezza.

I just love that name, christiaan.

You know who he's named after?

Christiaan barnard, who performed the first human heart transplants.

Yes, I-I know who christiaan barnard was.

Help me out here.

She lives alone.

She's about to start cooking something.

Stir-fried beef.

That's a meal, not a bedtime snack.

So?

Why?

Maybe she was hungry.

No.

She went out to eat that night, remember?

Doggy bags. She couldn't finish her dinner.

So why was she cooking?

I've no idea.

Maybe she wasn't.

Maybe after she was dead, the k*ller came back downstairs...

To cook something himself.

Why?

To make smoke.

To set off the smoke alarm in there.

(Sharona) My god.

That's Dale biederbeck's housekeeper.

You worked for the judge.

You cleaned her house.

Then what happened?

The man...

El gordo. Adrian... Stop.

The fat man.

The big whale. He call me.

He offer me more money.

More than double to work for him.

Adrian! I-i...

Stop it! Stop.

And then the man... The fat man, he was always asking me questions about the judge.

When does she work, who were her friends, how late does she sleep?

I tried not to answer.

But la amor de dios... He kept asking!

[Soft Latin music plays in background]

And did he ask you how she locked her doors?

Yeah.

And you told him about the hide-a-key, the key in the rock?

Oh, señor monk!

Lo siento!

Oh, perdoneme!

[Talking rapidly in Spanish]

You know what? (Monk) Shh, shh, shh.

We gotta go now.

No, don't... don't... no, no...

Thank you very much. Thank you.

It's all good.

We're gonna go now. We gotta go.

We have to go.

Sharona, just give me one moment.

Okay.

(Disher) What time is it?

Uh...

Well, don't ask.

Whew!

Oh...

Okay.

Okay, okay.

Maybe we're looking at this all wrong.

Maybe he k*lled her in his apartment, and then he somehow moved the body back to her house.

No. What about the 911 call?

She made it from the house.

Right.

What about liposuction?

What?

Liposuction, yeah.

He... he lipoed himself down to like, uh...

I don't know, like 400 pounds.

Down the elevator, across town.

k*lled the judge.

Well, how did he gain all the weight back?

Reverse liposuction.

Oh, my god.

Yeah. He just pumped it all back in.

You think that's possible.

I don't know. Should I call a doctor?

No. Let's keep our reverse liposuction theory to ourselves, okay, Randy?

[Laughs]

(Sharona) Hi.

Uh, which one of you is sue Ellen?

Hi.

My name is sharona, and this is my friend Mr. Monk.

He just wants to ask you a couple of questions about what you saw the night that the judge was, um...

Brutally slain.

Yeah.

That's right.

Is he a policeman?

He was. What happened?

I had a breakdown.

I was nearly catatonic for about 3 1/2 years.

(Sue Ellen) I already talked to the real police.

Three times. (Sharona) I know.

But Mr. Monk has a different way of looking at things.

Make them buy some lemonade.

I'll only talk if you buy some lemonade.

That's the rule.

Oh. Okay.

He has to buy some too.

No, uh, no...

N-no, thanks.

Buy some lemonade.

Okay. Fine.

I'll just have a small...

Very... very small...

Yeah, thanks.

It's our own recipe.

That... hit the spot.

Thank you.

Okay, now... now it's your turn.

I want you to think back to that night.

You were walking your dog.

Yeah. I was walking my dog by the big house over there, like I do every night.

The smoke alarm went off, so I looked.

And...

What did you see?

You familiar with the term extortion?

Just drink it.

Go on.

So I looked.

And I saw this really fat guy in the house.

No, I mean, like, really fat, like, fat fat.

Yeah, fat.

Then he opened the curtains and stood on a chair and turned off the alarm.

Okay, sue Ellen, I just wanna be absolutely sure.

The alarm sounded, and then you saw the curtains open up?

Oh! Look at that!

Is that right?

Smoke alarm, and then the curtains?

Yep.

Why would he open the curtains before he turns off the alarm?

He was putting on a show.

What kind of show?

He was putting on a show for you.

[Clattering]

(Sharona) Adrian. Adrian!

Sit... stop it!

Okay. Just sit!

Adrian.

You know how much I like this guy Dr. Vezza, right?

Uh-huh.

Look. Look at me, please.

I know you're gonna embarrass me, and I know you can't help yourself.

But I am just asking you...

No, you know what? I am begging you.

If you can just try not to embarrass me too much...

Uh-huh.

Just one or two questions, and you're done.

Hello.

Oh!

Doctor. Doctor, uh, I'm sorry to bother you.

I hope this isn't a bad time.

Actually, I'm in the middle of a session, but, uh, yes, I, uh...

Think I can spare a few minutes.

Hey, there.

Hi.

I'm, uh, really looking forward to Friday night.

I hope you like Thai.

Oh, i... i love Thai.

Oh, good, because there's a new place at the embarcadero that I hear is just fantastic.

Doctor, uh, just wanted to ask you, uh...

One.

Couple of questions about your benefactor, Mr. Biederbeck.

Miss Fleming was at his apartment last night. I heard.

Whatever he paid you, it wasn't enough.

(Monk) While she was there, miss Fleming happened to notice some videotapes of judge lavinio.

Do you know anything about them?

Yes, I recorded them.

They were, uh, TV interviews, news clips.

We're fine with that.

You're done.

Yes. And do you know why Mr. Biederbeck wanted them?

He was absolutely obsessed with her.

He wanted to know everything about her.

And, doctor... oh, my god!

What is that?

Ah. This is the self-esteem mirror.

It's one of my inventions.

Now, this is what you look like, and this is the inner you.

This is the you we're working towards.

(Sharona) I-I love this.

The spot, right?

Oh, excuse me.

I see you've found another of my inventions.

The empathy suit.

(Sharona) Dr. Vezza, who had a birthday?

Mine, actually.

Last week. You missed a great party.

You're 37?

Yes. I was conceived during the big blackout of 1965.

Would you excuse me?

We really have to work on our not embarrassing sharona skills.

37.

What?

He's 37.

So what?

If he's 37 years old, then I know how the judge was k*lled.

[Filtered breathing]

Did you get the red dress I sent you?

(Woman) This is too weird, just talking to a camera.

Do you want me to wear it?

Well, that's the idea, sweetheart.

[Elevator bell dings]

(Vezza) It's captain stottlemeyer.

[Door opens]

Hello, Mr. Biederbeck.

Captain...

I really wish you would have called.

I'm a little busy at the moment.

I'm here to arrest you for the m*rder of judge Kate lavinio.

That's a warrant. Duly sworn.

(Biederbeck) Sweetheart, I'm gonna have to call you back.

Doctor, will you call Howard klein and tell him we're suing the city for malicious prosecution... Again?

I have hired a local construction company to take out this door.

We're gonna get a crane in here and lower your fat ass down to the street.

A crane! Oh, that's rich.

But would you mind explaining to me how I'm supposed to k*ll the bitch?

I can't leave this room, remember?

Mr. Monk.

Well, my, my, my.

It's the defective detective once more.

Lay it on me, Einstein.

These two chairs are from the judge's house.

The k*ller stood on one of them when he turned off the smoke alarm.

A girl in the neighborhood saw "a very, very fat man standing on it."

But there's something funny about the chair.

It's not broken.

This is sergeant cargill from the 14th precinct.

Sergeant, how much do you weigh?

265.

Would you mind?

So how could a very, very fat man have stood on it?

There's only one explanation.

He was a fat man...

Not a heavy man.

Lieutenant.

I visited your clinic today and borrowed one of your empathy suits.

Fat... but not heavy.

I believe we have another warrant to serve.

You're joking.

(Monk) You were in it together.

You k*lled her.

The fat man planned it, but you did it.

It was brilliant.

You k*lled her, and then you left clues behind to make it look like biederbeck did it.

Why? Because he's the only person on earth who couldn't possibly have done it.

You wore enormous boots to leave big footprints.

Breaking in was no problem.

The housekeeper told you about the hide-a-key.

I admit I was confused until I figured out the sequence of events.

First you k*lled the judge.

Aah!

Then you ransacked the house.

Of course, you needed a witness.

You put on one of your fat suits, set off the alarm, and then waited until you were sure somebody was watching.

[Alarm beeping, dog barking]

And finally, you called 911, and you're great with voices, doc.

We've all heard you.

[As lavinio] He's right downstairs!

Biederbeck even supplied you with videotapes of the judge so you could practice.

This is insane.

Why would I risk everything?

You really didn't have a choice, did you, Glen?

I knew christiaan wasn't your real name as soon as you said you were 37 years old.

You told sharona that you were named after christiaan barnard, but he wasn't famous until 1967...

After you were born.

(Stottlemeyer) I put the FBI on it.

They were looking for you.

Your real name is Glen q. Syndell.

You k*lled a child five years ago.

Accident.

You were operating on her so doped up, you couldn't see straight.

Accident.

Convicted of manslaughter and reckless endangerment, you were looking at 15 years, minimum.

You jumped bail before sentencing, and then you disappeared.

Until now.

And somehow, somehow, biederbeck learned your secret, and from that moment on, he owned you.

Didn't he?

Listen, I just have to say...

Fantastic work, really.

Both of you, kudos.

And for the record, I am shocked... shocked that my personal physician is both a fugitive and a cold-blooded k*ller... Shocked!

But you can't really tie me to the crime, can you?

Well, now, that really depends on Mr. Syndell.

What do you say, Glen?

Would you like to talk to us?

It'll be my pleasure.

I'm looking forward to testifying against you.

Maybe once and for all, I can redeem myself for everything I've done, all the pain I've caused.

I detest you.

Do you?

With every fiber of my being.

Biederbeck, you're an abomination.

An odious, gluttonous...

(Stottlemeyer) Yeah, yeah.

Putrid freak of nature.

Wow! It's been a long time since anyone's called me that.

Listen, by the time my lawyers are through with you, you're not gonna know which end is up.

There's not a prison in the country that can hold me!

There are very few shopping malls that can hold you.

But, nonetheless, we're gonna give it a try.

You...

(stottlemeyer) Oof!

[Groaning]

What's he doing?

Look, he's trying to k*ll me.

Wasn't really much of a fight, was it?

Adrian, can I ask you something, and if it's none of my business, I promise I'll shut up.

I doubt it.

What did Trudy mean by bread and butter?

Ah...

Whenever Trudy and I were walking somewhere, we'd hold hands.

If there was a lamp post or somebody walked between us and we had to let go for a second, she'd always say bread and butter.

So when she died...

Yeah. I think it was a message for me.

She was saying, "I have to let go now for a little while.

But it won't be forever."