Lobster, The (2015)

[bunniefuu]

I'm really sorry.

Does he wear glasses or contact lenses?

Glasses.

You'll have to hurry up.

He decided that his brown leather shoes were the best pair to wear.

His back hurt a little but not like some other times in the past when the pain was intolerable.

He was thinking his wife didn't love him at all any more.

He didn't burst into tears and he didn't think that the first thing people most people do when they realise someone doesn't love them anymore is cry.

Sir, do you mind taking a look into the camera here for me?

That'll do. Thank you.

Have you ever been on your own before?

No, never.

Are you allergic to any foods?

No.

Your last relationship lasted how many years?

Around 12.

Do you remember how long exactly, sir?

11 years and one month.

Sexual preference? Women.

However, I had one h*m* experience in the past, in college.

Is there a bisexual option available?

No, sir, this option is no longer available since about last summer, due to several operational problems.

I'm afraid you have to decide right now if you want to be registered as a h*m* or a heterosexual.

I think I should be registered as a heterosexual.

Any children, sir? No.

And the dog?

My brother. He was here a couple of years ago but he didn't make it.

You might remember him: medium build, 48 years old, bald patch, blond hair.

I'm afraid not, sir.

OK, I would like you to write your name clearly on this form in capital letters.

And sign it, please.

That will do. Thank you very much.

OK, so you are not allowed to use the volleyball or tennis courts.

These are only for the couples.

You can use facilities for individual sports, such as squash and golf.

You can stay at the hotel for up to 45 days. You'll be staying in a single room.

If everything goes well and you make it, you'll be moved to a double room.

I'm afraid you cannot keep any of your personal belongings.

We will provide everything you need.

As far as garments, accessories and shoes are concerned.

You can keep this. Thank you.

Shoe size, please?

Forty-four and a half.

Forty-four of forty-five? There are no half sizes.

Forty-five.

If you need a haircut, call reception one day ahead.

Smoking is not allowed.

That way you'll be able to run for longer during the hunt without getting tired and your breath won't smell when you kiss.

Enjoy your stay.

Excuse me, if we need to get a haircut, we must call the reception the day before, is that right?

That's right. Great.

His room number was 101.

A tranquiliser g*n was hanging on the wall above his bed.

On the table were 20 tranquiliser darts, a black plastic watch, a pair of sunglasses and a cologne for men.

Inside the wardrobe were four identical grey trousers, four identical button-down shirts in white and blue, a belt, socks, underwear, a blazer, a striped tie and a white bathrobe.

He looked out the window.

The unconscious bodies of the captured loners were lying on the wet ground.

"Thank God they wear those waterproof ponchos," he thought.

Room 195.

Two loners, two extra days.

Room 272.

One loner, one extra day.

Hello. I'm the hotel manager and this gentleman is my partner.

We'd like to welcome you.

You're one of the lucky ones.

You have one of our superior rooms, which means you have a view.

Did you read the leaflet? Yes, I did.

Very good. Now the fact that you'll turn into an animal if you fail to fall in love with someone during your stay here is not something that should upset you, or get you down.

Just think as an animal you'll have a second chance to find a companion.

But even then, you must be careful.

You need to choose a companion that is a similar type of animal to you.

A wolf and a penguin could never live together, nor could a camel and a hippopotamus.

That would be absurd.

Think about it.

I understand this discussion is a little unpleasant for you.

But it is my duty to prepare you psychologically, for all possible outcomes.

Now, have you thought of what animal you'd like to be if you end up alone?

Yes, a lobster. Why a lobster?

Because lobsters live for over 100 years, are blue-blooded like aristocrats and stay fertile all their lives.

I also like the sea very much.

I water-ski and swim quite well, since I was a teenager.

I must congratulate you. The first thing most people think of is a dog, which is why the world is full of dogs.

Very few people choose an unusual animal, which is why they are endangered.

A lobster is an excellent choice.

Could you stand for us, please?

This is to show you how easy life is when there are two of something rather than just one.

We tend to forget that from time to time.

The handcuff will be removed at the same time tomorrow.

It's alright, Bob. I hope you enjoy your stay with us.

Goodbye.

Have a good day.

Good morning.

Room 101.

44 days left.

Breakfast is served.

Sit where you like.

His first day was one he'd never forget.

Near his table at breakfast sat a young woman with her head tilted back.

Later on he would learn that she often got nosebleeds.

Next to her sat her best friend.

He thanked the waiter who served him his coffee, and thought about his wife for a moment.

A woman who seemed to like butter biscuits offered one to a man drinking a Campari and soda for breakfast.

He then looked behind him and saw a woman who he would later find out was absolutely heartless.

And some others in the couples area, whom he'd never meet during his stay at the hotel.

That morning, he was really hungry.

He could have eaten a whole chicken but ate almost nothing.

Hello. Hello.

I've decided to go for a walk outside with my new friend.

Let me introduce you. This is Robert.

He stays in the room next to mine and has a lisp.

Pleased to meet you. I'm staying in room 101.

I'm on the same floor. I'm 186.

Would you like to join us? Why not?

One of these days, it's gonna be me on one of those yachts.

What are those yachts?

It's the final ordeal before letting you go and the hardest one.

15 days of vacation, just a couple, alone.

Didn't you read the leaflet? I did.

Have you seen John's leg?

No.

John, would you show your leg?

Oh, yeah.

Room 187, day two.

Hello, everyone.

My mother was left on her own when my father fell in love with a woman who was better at math than she was.

She had a postgraduate degree, I think, whereas my mother was only a graduate.

I was 19 at the time.

My mother entered the hotel but didn't make it and was turned into a wolf.

I really missed her.

I found out she'd been moved to a zoo.

I often went there to see her.

I'd give her raw meat.

I knew that wolves liked raw meat, but I couldn't figure out which of the wolves was my mother, so I used to give a little bit to each of them.

One day, I decided to enter the enclosure I really missed her and I wanted a hug.

I climbed the fence and jumped in.

All the wolves charged at once and att*cked me, all but two, who stood motionless.

My guess is that one of those two must have been my mother.

The zoo guards got to me quite quickly and took me to the hospital.

Thankfully, I didn't lose my leg, I just have this limp, which is also my defining characteristic.

My wife died six days ago.

She was very beautiful and I loved her very much.

She had a limp too.

Thank you, John. You can return to your seat now.

Let's move on to our next guest.

Room 104, day two.

Hello, everyone.

This is only my second day here, but already I feel like a member of a wonderful group.

My defining characteristic is that I have a very beautiful smile.

♪ Something's Gotten Hold Of My Heart

♪ Something's gotten hold of my heart

♪ Keeping my soul and my senses apart

♪ Something has gotten into my life Have you ever danced with anybody?

Sorry?

Have you ever danced with anybody?

Yes.

What sort of dancing did you do?

Just depends on the music.

Do you need to sit down?

No, no, no, I'm getting ready to dance. Ah.

♪ In a time there was peace with no trouble at all Can I sit here?

♪ But then you came my way Sorry.

♪ And a feeling inside shook my heart

♪ Made me want you to stay

♪ All of my life Can I sit here? Of course.

Let me introduce you to my best friend.

That woman you were talking to has no feelings whatsoever.

She feels nothing at all.

She's the best hunter in the hotel, silent and very fast.

She's the women's record holder, 192 captives.

♪ Changing the grey, changing the blue

♪ Scarlet for me, scarlet for you

Would you like to dance?

♪ Every day

♪ You touch me and my mind goes astray

♪ And baby

♪ And baby

♪ Something's gotten hold of my hand

♪ Dragging my soul to a beautiful land

♪ Something's gotten into my life I'm sorry, I've got blood on your shirt.

But don't worry, there are many ways to remove bloodstains from clothing.

One way is to rinse the clothes with cold water then rub with sea salt.

Another way is to scrub the stains with cotton wool dipped in ammonia.

The third way is to mix flour and water into a paste, like toothpaste, especially if the clothes are delicate or brightly coloured.

But just never use warm water on blood, ever.

OK.

♪ But then you, you, you ♪ You

♪ You came my way

♪ But then you came my way

♪ And a feeling I know shook my heart

♪ Made me want you to stay

♪ All of my nights and all of my days I think I have to rest for a little bit. My leg's hurting.

That's OK.

Well, let me know when you feel better and we can dance again.

♪ And my senses apart

♪ Something has invaded my night

♪ Painting my sleep with a colour so bright

♪ Changing the grey

♪ Changing the blue

♪ Scarlet for me

♪ Scarlet for you

Leave the building in an orderly fashion.

Do hurry up but please be careful.

Nobody needs to get hurt or injured.

And good luck with the hunt.

I wish I didn't have this limp.

I used to be very good at running but not any more.

I'm sure I'll be slower than them.

If I were you, I'd think of some tricks that use the element of surprise instead of speed.

You're right.

That's what I'll do.

Apo Mesa Pethamenos

Room 186. One loner, one extra day.

38 days' stay left, plus one, 39.

Room 180.

The days of your stay remain unchanged.

Room 290.

Four loners, four extra days.

154 days left, plus four, 158.

Room 101.

The days of your stay remain unchanged.

32 days left.

Breakfast is served.

Man eats alone.

How many darts did you use yesterday?

12.

Please take off your trousers and sit on the bed.

Can we not do this today? It's awful.

I know. But I'm afraid we have to do it.

And you have no idea how much it helps you psychologically in your search for a partner.

Man eats with woman.

Lie down.

Spread your legs. More.

Is your room number 186? Yes, it is.

I imagine you know that masturbation is not permitted in the rooms or any other area of the hotel.

Yes.

And yet it has brought to my attention that you continue to do it.

Today you became erect quicker than on other days. That's good.

Please, just a little longer.

Have a good day.

That's awful. Just awful.

Were you looking at a photograph while you were masturbating?

Yes.

What did the photograph show?

A naked woman on a horse in the country.

If I were in your shoes, I would not be ogling the naked woman but the horse.

I'm sure that the horse was once a weak and cowardly man just like you.

Woman walks alone.

Help.

Help.

Help.

This is not necessary. Please.

It was an accident. I got carried away. Please.

This is not necessary. Please place your hand in the toaster.

This could be a warning.

Look, I've been good otherwise, I

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please.

Please, please, that's hurting.

Woman walks with man.

What they do, as soon as you enter the room, is to wash your body and your head really well.

How do you know?

My uncle used to know a waiter who worked there.

No waiters know about the procedure, they're not allowed inside that room.

Nevertheless, they peel off the skin, which has become soft due to the water and the soap.

Afterwards, they remove the heart, the eyes and other vital organs of the body with a laser or scalpels.

Then the procedure changes according to the animal one has chosen.

That makes total sense.

I mean, I suppose mammals demand a different kind of work than fowls, for example.

Exactly.

Afterwards they throw the remaining body parts into the casks outside the hotel's restaurant and distribute the blood to the hospitals in the city.

Why is that?

The blood is used for surgeries where there are no blood donors available.

New guests arrived yesterday. Yes, I saw.

I think I saw a woman with a limp.

It's just a sprained ankle.

She'll be walking normally again in a few days.

That's a shame.

That is a shame indeed.

One night on the coach, he sat next to the woman who liked butter biscuits.

He gazed out of the window, not looking at anything in particular, just trying to avoid talking to her.

How's Bob? He's fine.

I'd give anything to go for a walk with you and Bob one afternoon.

The dog's not allowed out of the room, I'm afraid.

"There are some excuses that no one can argue with," he thought.

Some excuses are without doubt better than others.

And that was a really good one.

These biscuits are for Bob.

I want you to give them to him whenever you want to reward him for something.

Tell him they're from me. Thank you.

Can I come to your room sometime for a chat?

I could give you a blow-job or you could just f*ck me.

I always swallow after fellatio and I've got absolutely no problem with a**l sex if that's your thing.

My ex-husband always used to say I had the most beautiful thighs he'd ever seen.

But let's not talk about him.

My room number is 180, so my telephone extension's 180.

Hope I can catch some loners tonight.

I haven't caught any the last few nights.

Hope you catch lots too.

Thank you very much.

If I don't find a suitable partner soon, I'm gonna k*ll myself by throwing myself out of one of the rooms.

Out of the window.

I want you to know that.

My room is on the first floor.

"I hope I catch some loners today," she said.

"And I hope you catch lots too."

She then told him that if she didn't find a suitable partner soon, she was going to k*ll herself by jumping from one of the room windows, 320, maybe, or one higher up.

480, that would be even better.

When she stopped talking, he stared at her blankly, not knowing what to say.

He then looked out at the woods and thought once more how good his excuse had been.

Not bad. Bit higher.

Have you thought about what animals you wanna be if you don't make it?

A lobster.

I'm gonna be a parrot if I don't make it.

Why don't you become parrots too?

And then we'll all be together.

You're a complete idiot, picking one of the few animals that can talk when you have a speech impediment.

You'll lisp, even as an animal.

As for you, they'll catch you and put you in a pot of boiling water until you die.

And then they'll crack open your claws with a tool, like pliers, and they'll suck out what little flesh you have with their mouths.

You're pathetic, both of you.

I'm not gonna be turned into some animal.

I'll come and visit you, though, with my partner, when we're walking together in some park or when we're swimming in the sea.

Or when we're on one of our trips.

Friends.

I'm not afraid.

Room 187, please.

It's no coincidence that the targets are shaped like single people and not couples.

Hello.

Hello. Your swimsuit is very nice.

Thank, Thank you very much. You're welcome.

Do you like to swim breaststroke, front crawl, butterfly or backstroke?

I like all strokes equally.

You know, I love breaststroke.

No, really. My friends often tease me and say, "Stop swimming breaststroke all the time."

And then they laugh.

Breaststroke is great. It's excellent exercise for the back.

When swimming breaststroke, men shouldn't wear swim shorts, as it really limits movement in the buttocks.

But you knew that, didn't you? I think your nose is bleeding.

Really?

Ah, no.

This happens to me all the time.

It's really, really annoying.

I know. I have a nosebleed problem too.

I saw what you did. It must have hurt.

Is it coming out?

No.

Yes. Can I use a tissue?

Yes.

I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to answer me honestly.

What's worse: to die of cold and hunger in the woods, to become an animal that will be k*lled and eaten by some bigger animal or to have a nosebleed from time to time?

To become an animal that will be k*lled and eaten by some bigger animal.

Exactly. Mm.

She doesn't suspect that you're lying? No.

I'm very happy because we have a new couple.

They met just two days ago but they're very much in love and perfectly suited.

They both have the same problem with their noses, they bleed quite suddenly.

Tomorrow they'll be transferred to a double room with a larger wardrobe and a larger bathroom.

They will remain in the double room for two weeks, and then they'll be transferred to the yachts for a further two weeks.

We wish you every success and we hope you will return to the city as a couple.

I'm very happy. Me, too.

Congratulations.

The course of your relationship will be monitored closely by our staff and by me personally.

If you encounter any problems, any tensions, any arguing, that you cannot resolve yourselves, you will be assigned children.

That usually helps, a lot.

Good morning, room 101.

Seven days left.

Breakfast is served.

You have really nice hair.

I know.

Look.

How do you like mine?

Well, I think you have quite dry hair.

The colour is OK, though.

The most important thing is that you're not bald.

However, when it comes to men, baldness is always a possibility you can't avoid.

Is your father bald? No, he isn't.

And even if someday I lose my hair, there are things I can do to get my hair back.

I can have a hair transplant.

You can always tell when someone's had a hair transplant. I know.

Nice hair is not something you can get. It's something you're born with.

And the fact that your father isn't bald shouldn't put you at ease.

Have you decided what you're going to do on your last day?

I'm still thinking about it.

Morning, ladies.

So today is your last day.

And as is customary, you can choose how you would like to spend your last night.

What I always say in these situations is, it would be wise to choose something you can't do as an animal... for example, read a work of classic literature or sing a song you really like.

It would be silly to choose for example a walk in the grounds, or to have sexual intercourse with another person, because those are things you can do as an animal.

But first your best friend has written something she'd like to read to you, which is really very touching.

"We always sat together at school.

And whenever I had a problem, I talked to you about it because you always gave the best advice.

When we didn't manage to find dance partners at the school prom, the fact that we were together at that difficult moment gave me strength.

I'm sorry that things have come to this.

I'm sure that if you had a few more days, you would find someone, just like I did, because you're an admirable person, and you have very beautiful hair and very nice breasts.

I was always jealous of your hair, you know that.

You were, are, and always will be my best friend and I'll think of you often.

And I'll always wear those silver earrings you gave me for my birthday.

I'll miss you.

And however many new girlfriends I make in a few days when I move back into the city, I don't think I'll find another as true."

I'd like to watch the film Stand By Me, with River Phoenix, Kiefer Sutherland and Richard Dreyfus. Alone.

Excellent choice.

Lovely film.

Please leave a message.

Hello. You're probably in the bathroom, that's why you can't hear the phone ring.

Nothing like a cold shower in the morning.

Well, I'll call you a little bit later, after you've finished your shower.

We'll talk later.

Bye.

One day, as he was playing golf, he thought that it is more difficult to pretend that you do have feelings when you don't than to pretend you don't have feelings when you do.

He also thought that he liked her accent, and he'd always preferred women with short hair.

So he decided that she was the one.

During the hunt, he would follow her, and as soon as she shot a loner, he would say to her, "I wish we had real g*ns instead of these silly tranquiliser ones.

Why don't you k*ll him with your bare hands?"

And the moment she puts her hands around the loner's throat, he would say, "I hope he dies right away."

Did anyone see what happened?

What happened?

She jumped from the window of room 180.

There's blood and biscuits everywhere.

I hope she dies right away.

On second thoughts I hope she suffers quite a bit before she dies.

I just hope her pathetic screams can't be heard from my room.

Because I was thinking about having a lie-down and I need peace and quiet.

I was playing golf and I'm quite tired.

The last thing I need is some woman dying slowly and loudly.

I can't hear you with all this screaming.

We'll talk some other time when it's quieter.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

One message.

Hello. You're probably in the bathroom, that's why you can't hear the phone ring.

Nothing like a cold shower in the morning.

Well, I'll call you a little bit later, after you've finished your shower.

We'll talk later.

Bye.

Mind if I join you?

Martini?

I think we are a match.

Yes, I think so too.

The keys to the double room, please.

I wish you the best of luck. We all wish you the best of luck.

Do you normally sleep on the left side of the bed or the right?

The right. You? The left.

Perfect.

Spread your legs.

Should I turn off the light or would you like to read?

I'd like to read. Does the light bother you?

No.

I'm not bothered by light or noise.

I'm a deep sleeper.

Hello. Hello.

Congratulations.

Thank you. This is our new daughter.

Her name's Elizabeth.

Elizabeth, give the nice man a kiss. He's a friend of mine.

The last thing I want right now is a kiss from a silly little girl.

Come on, move away.

Don't cry, Elizabeth, you should thank me.

Now you'll have a limp and be more like your father.

What was that sound?

Did you say something?

No.

Do you mind if we f*ck in a position where I can see your face?

Sure.

Turn the light on please, so I can see you better.

Good morning.

Morning.

I k*lled your brother.

I left him to die very slowly.

He may not be dead yet even as we speak.

I was kicking him for ages.

Doesn't matter.

He whined a little, a strange kind of bark.

Something like this.

It must have been from the pain.

You didn't hear anything? No.

You really are a deep sleeper.

Would you like some coffee? I'd love some.

As soon as I wash my face and brush my teeth, though.

I can't wait to hear the story you promised to tell me last night, about that student of yours at the university and his awful final project.

It's really a very funny story.

His name was Ryess -

R-Y-E-S-S. Ryess.

These aren't tears, it's just water. I just washed my face.

I knew you were lying. I can't understand why you did it, when you know as well as anyone that a relationship cannot be built on a lie.

We're going to the hotel manager right now and you'll get the punishment you deserve.

What's the punishment for this?

They turn you into the animal no one wants to be.

I saw your partner running back that way.

He looked frantic.

Is everything OK?

At first he wanted to k*ll her in some horrible and painful way, like the death she had inflicted on his brother.

Take her legs, please.

He thought about kicking her in the stomach over and over again, and then stabbing her in the same spot in the stomach.

But then he thought there wouldn't be much point, because she was already unconscious and wouldn't feel any pain from the kicks, or the knife.

You have to sh**t me so they won't suspect I helped you.

A hotel maid helped him.

He couldn't understand why she did it.

So he decided to turn her into an animal.

He dragged her to the room where the transformations took place.

I asked him many times what sort of animal he turned her into, but he always gave me the same answer:

"That's none of your concern."

That night, he left the hotel once and for all.

He began to run without knowing where he was headed.

But he was headed towards us.

This was the start of his new life.

And back then, he didn't know how much it hurts to be alone,

how much it hurts when you cannot reach to rub pain-relief ointment on your back, and you are constantly in pain.

I found him in the woods.

He escaped from the hotel.

Are you a doctor, by any chance?

No. That's a pity.

We need a doctor around.

We had one, but they caught him a couple of months ago.

I'm an architect.

That's OK.

So, welcome.

You can stay with us for as long as you like.

You can be a loner until the day you die. There is no time limit.

Thank you very much.

By the way, any romantic or sexual relations between loners are not permitted.

And any such acts are punished.

Is that clear?

Can I have a conversation with someone?

Of course you can.

So as long as there is no flirting or anything like that.

That applies to dance nights as well.

We all dance by ourselves, that's why we only play electronic music.

What happened to your mouth?

He can't speak. He was given the Red Kiss.

What's the Red Kiss?

We slashed his lips with a razor and the lips of another loner, and we forced them to kiss each other.

That was a couple of days ago now.

But the cuts were deep and they're still in pain. They were flirting, you know.

Some punishments are worse than other punishments.

Having your thumb cut is worse than having your head shaved.

And having a hot boiled egg under your armpit is worse than having your leg kicked.

The punishment I am afraid of isn't the Red Kiss but another one, that is called the Red Intercourse.

I have never seen it happen, but it's not difficult to imagine what it means.

Oh, my God, I am so afraid of it.

Move.

Hide.

Move.

Hide.

That was the first time I saw him.

He was hiding behind a tree close to mine.

He seemed quite presentable.

The next day, in the city, he found out that I was short-sighted too.

That night in my sleep, I dreamt that we lived in a big house together in the city, with a large well-lit kitchen, and I was wearing dark blue trousers and a tight cream blouse.

And he took my clothes off and f*cked me up the arse.

And as he was f*cking me, a thug came into the kitchen, and took the steak knives from the second draw and att*cked us, stabbing the knives into our bellies one by one.

I woke up terrified.

Try harder.

Don't give up. You know you should have been more careful.

Try harder or they'll find you and you'll be turned into an animal - a weak one.

We must get a move on now. It's really too dangerous to stay here.

If you manage to free yourself, run as fast as you can and come find us.

If you manage to free yourself but think you'll die from the bleeding, go straight to your grave.

Have you dug your own grave?

Yes.

Very good.

That's enough for now.

I'm going to go hunting for truffles.

They're delicious and quite rare. A kilo can fetch a lot of money.

You're going to need a pig. They're impossible to find otherwise.

I know. Don't be long.

Gotta get them back in 50 minutes. OK.

Hello, David.

Hello, Robert.

What you did to that woman was dreadful.

She k*lled my brother.

I would have done the same thing if she'd k*lled you.

You're like a brother to me. Oh, you're my best friend in the whole world.

I don't think I'm your best friend in the whole world.

You used to spend much more time with John.

Oh, who's John?

John, the Limping Man. Oh, yeah.

I didn't even remember his name.

Or his face.

You're the one I think of whenever I need a friend.

Nevertheless, did John make it?

They're getting ready for the yacht.

It all begins this week.

Everyone says they're gonna make it as they're perfectly suited and the child will help them get past the fighting and arguing.

That's great. You're not thinking about coming back?

You know, if you told the hotel manager about your brother, she'd probably forgive you.

No, it's really nice to be on your own.

There's no one tying you down.

You listen to music whenever you like, you masturbate whenever you want, go for walks whenever you like, have a chat whenever you like.

I don't miss companionship at all.

I just miss you, 'cause you were my one true friend.

Are you gonna sh**t me?

I'm afraid so.

I only have two days left.

What did you say? I can't understand the way you speak.

I'm going to sh**t you. I only have two days left, I need more time.

Do you actually believe another day will make a difference?

Have you seen how ugly you are?

You haven't got a chance. If I was a woman...

Don't tell anyone I helped you.

If you want to repay me, there is a way.

If you k*ll a rabbit, bring it to me to eat.

Do you promise?

Yes. Bye.

Bye.

You carefully flay the rabbit with a sharp knife and cut off its head.

You then slice open its belly and stuff it with well-washed red and green peppers, not too spicy, and a little garlic and mint.

You then soak it in lemon juice and leave it a while to marinate the flesh before you skewer it on a stick and roast it over the fire for about an hour.

That's my favourite food, rabbit.

Woman, brunette, 50 years old.

Marriage certificate expired two months ago.

My husband's away on a business trip.

Yeah, OK. Can I have a look?

Hands.

No dirt under her nails or mud on her shoes.

9 Belsize Road.

So your husband is away? Yes.

Where?

Good morning, sir. Are you here alone?

Good morning, Officer.

No, I'm here with my partner.

She's inside one of the stores, shopping right now.

Can I see your certificate, please?

My partner keeps it in her purse.

You see, I am losing it all the time.

I see.

And what store is she shopping in?

Oh, here she is.

I'm sorry, darling.

They had such a huge variety of pain-relief ointment.

I bought you this one. I hope it's the one you were looking for.

That's wonderful, dear.

Can I have my certificate, please?

Of course, darling. Would you like to see mine also, Officer?

No, that's OK.

Thank you, sir.

You have a good day. Thank you, Officer. You have a good day.

Madam. Sir.

If I'm walking too slowly, just say, and I'll pick up my pace.

This pace is fine.

Maybe don't squeeze my hand so tightly, my palm's getting a little sweaty.

Better? Yes.

Much better.

Are you planning on buying anything else nice for yourself while we're here?

Yes, contact lens solution and a Parker Rollerball.

I didn't know you were short-sighted.

I'm short-sighted too.

Will you stay a few days?

I'm afraid not, Papa.

We're heading back again today.

Tomorrow I'm going away on a business trip.

You know how demanding my job is.

Don't ask if I can stay a few days every time I come.

Do you all work for the same company?

Yes. Yes.

My daughter says me it's a very fine company.

Do you agree?

It's a rather good company. It is.

One of the best, I'd say. Mm.

The only problem with the job is that I don't have enough time for my wife and kids.

We have four beautiful children.

Congratulations. Thank you.

Thank you.

But even if we'd never had children, I would never dream of leaving my wife.

Even if it was just the two of us, on our own, we'd go on trips.

We'd go to Portofino in Italy or go to a Greek island for the summer.

And so our relationship would be as intense as it was at the start.

I love my wife so much I could die for her.

That's how much I love her.

For your first day in the city, you did great.

That part about holiday destinations in the Mediterranean was brilliant.

Thank you very much.

When did you become short-sighted?

When I was 16.

You?

When I was 12.

What was the make of your first pair of glasses?

I don't remember.

Do you have astigmatism too? Yes.

Would you like me to rub some balm on your back on the bits you can't reach on your own?

I'd like that.

Here?

A little lower, please.

Here? Yes.

"Hello, everyone, and good luck.

The room numbers are as follows: room 306, the hotel manager and her partner.

They both, they both have nice voices.

Room 240: couple who both love to ski.

Room 282: couple who both studied social sciences.

Name of yacht Bliss: couple prone to nosebleeds."

You and you take 306.

You and you take 240.

You take 282.

And you two, take the yacht.

Can I go to the yacht?

OK, then, so you take the yacht.

And you take 282.

And us three, we'll take the manager's room.

We have 40 minutes.

You need to speak with the manager.

Wake up.

Get up.

Sit in that seat over there.

Put your hand behind your back.

A basketball weighs between 550 and 650 grams.

Did you know that? No, I didn't know that.

Yes.

The weight's different for men's and women's games, but that's roughly how much it weighs.

Do you know how much a volleyball weighs?

No, but I'd like to find out.

Good evening. Good evening.

I have something to tell you.

His nose doesn't really bleed on its own.

He bangs it against a wall or a piece of hard wood, or something like that.

Or he cuts it with a penknife when you're not looking.

You two are not suited.

Shut up. Dad, tell him to leave. I'm sleepy.

And, and I'm quite sure that stain on his T-shirt isn't blood, but cherry juice or tomato ketchup or red watercolour paint or something like that.

Or beetroot juice.

Do you love her?

With all my heart.

How much do you love her, on a scale of 1 to 15?

14.

14 is a very impressive score.

He loves her very much indeed.

Who do you think we should k*ll?

Who will be able to live on their own better?

Here's a knife, Mum. k*ll him.

You'd better get out while you still can.

OK.

That's all I came to say, anyway.

You.

If this woman dies, d'you think you'll manage on your own?

Or will you get involved with someone else?

No.

I can live alone, she can't.

I'm on my own for hours when she's running the hotel.

I like sitting in the room.

It relaxes me, calms me.

I like it a lot.

I can definitely live on my own.

Be quiet.

Take it.

sh**t her.

No.

No, no.

No, God, no.

I'm going to f*cking k*ll your arse.

Don't you f*cking care?

Where were you?

I was looking for you.

I was masturbating behind those trees over there.

Why aren't you dancing?

My leg's a little sore.

Did you dig your grave?

Not yet.

I don't mean to pressure you, or to ruin the mood now that we're celebrating, but at some point you'll have to do it.

Don't expect anyone else to dig your grave for you or to carry your corpse.

We'll throw some dirt over you but that's about it.

Tomorrow find a spot you like, where the ground isn't too rocky, and make a start.

Enjoy the rest of your evening. Thank you.

As soon as his last patient left, I entered his office and I said to him, "Honey, the dinner's ready. However, I'm not sure I can eat right now.

One of my front teeth hurts a lot.

Can you take a look please, dear?"

"Yes, sure, no problem," he said.

And the minute he turned his head, I took the drill and I shoved it into his chest.

That story sounds really interesting but I have to leave.

I just remembered I left some batteries next to a tree down there.

And the last thing I want is to lose them. Sorry.

Did you catch rabbits?

No, someone brought me them. Who?

A friend of mine.

Do you want one? No.

You don't need to accept rabbits from other people.

If you need more rabbits, just ask, and I'll bring you more.

Catching a rabbit is difficult, but I'll try to do better.

There's no need for you to be indebted to the others.

Thank you very much.

The man who brought you the rabbits, is he short-sighted?

I don't know. I don't think so.

OK.

Is that a sparrow up in that tree?

I can't really see that far.

But I don't think so.

Are you short-sighted? No.

You're lying.

It's the truth.

What does it say here?

YKK.

You knew that already. All zips say the same thing.

I'm not short-sighted.

I don't understand why you won't believe me.

I can see really clearly. I used to be a pilot.

You're wearing contact lenses.

I don't wear contact lenses. I'm not short-sighted, I swear.

You are. You think I'm an idiot and can't tell.

Let me see.

Let me see. I want to see your eyes.

Look up.

Look up.

Up, up.

Look down now.

Look left.

Look right.

Up again.

I'm sorry.

I thought you were trying to fool me.

I'm sorry.

For this synchronisation exercise, we have to fully concentrate, as we both have to press "play" at exactly the same time.

Why don't we just use one headset?

Because that's the whole point.

This is an exercise for us.

We have to be totally synchronised.

OK.

I'm ready. OK.

Five, four, three, two,

♪ Where The Wild Roses Grow

♪ If I show you the roses will you follow?

♪ They call me the Wild Rose

♪ But my name is Elisa Day

We've developed a code so that we can communicate with each other, even in front of the others, without them knowing what we are saying.

When we turn our heads to the left, it means, "I love you more than anything in the world."

And when we turn our heads to the right, it means, "Watch out, we're in danger."

We had to be very careful in the beginning not to mix up

"I love you more than anything in the world" with "Watch out, we're in danger."

When we raise our left arm, it means, "I want to dance in your arms."

When we make a fist and put it behind our backs, it means, "Let's f*ck."

The code grew and grew as time went by.

And within a few weeks, we could talk about almost anything without even opening our mouths.

Stop it.

That's enough. Show my parents some respect.

They are playing you music.

That's OK. No, Mother, it is not OK.

Please continue.

Do you want us to perform the same piece or something else?

Something else.

Didn't her parents play beautifully?

Yes, they did.

It was wonderful.

We love each other and we suit each other.

And that's the reason why we've decided to leave the woods and stay together forever in the city.

Tomorrow during the hunt, we're going to disappear and everyone will think we've been captured, and that we're going to be turned into dogs or canaries or something.

I think the first thing I'm going to do when I get into the city is buy a bathrobe.

And then we'll go to a pool with a high diving board, perfect for diving.

"And we'll do lots of different things together, serious things, not silly ones, like go for walks in the park or play the guitar together."

"Portofino. Italian fishing village and upmarket resort, famous for its picturesque harbour.

Population: 439.

Beaches nearby:

Paraggi Beach, Camogli, Chiavari and Lavagna.

Serifos: Greek island located in the western Cyclades."

Can you imagine why I brought you to such a quiet place today?

No.

Because I think it's the perfect spot for your grave.

Now cover yourself with soil.

Use you hands.

Over your face too.

You wouldn't want your face to get eaten by dogs, would you?

If you die before me, I'll visit you as often as I can.

I promise.

I think we should leave right now.

The three of us coming here instead of two or four is very dangerous.

Why didn't we think of that earlier?

Highly likely the doctor will suspect us.

I suggest that we leave the first chance we get.

Right now, in fact.

Don't be afraid.

No one will suspect a thing.

I bet you weren't expecting this surprise.

Isn't it wonderful? Yes, it is.

Still, I'd like a few days just to think it over, so that I could maybe have the surgery when we next come to the city.

What's there to think about?

If it's better to see clearly or to be short-sighted? Is that it?

That's absurd, you know that.

Anyway, this doctor is the best there is.

And it's really very difficult to get an appointment.

I called him months ago to get him to see you today.

She's blind.

Thank you.

Throw down your knife and stand up.

Why did you have to blind me?

You could have blinded him.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

The dr*gs are messing with your head.

If I were you, I would try and be a little braver about the whole thing.

Now get up and give me your knife or I'll hit you and take it by force.

Here I come. I swear I'm going to k*ll you.

Let go of my hair, you're hurting me.

Just think, that when someone goes blind one of the other senses is heightened.

You could also catch a dog in the woods and train it to guide you.

Dogs can do that, you know.

I'll help you catch a dog myself.

Now calm down, or I'm going to leave you here and I don't think you'll manage to find Meeting Point 2 on your own.

Are you enjoying the view?

Sure.

What happened to your hand?

I was cutting a tree branch with a knife and I cut myself by accident.

You look handsome today, did you get your hair cut?

Thank you.

No, I didn't get a haircut.

I'm going to get my hair cut today.

Look what I brought you.

Oh, thank you so much. I'm so hungry, I'll eat it right away.

It's a bigger flashlight.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's so big, I thought it was a rabbit.

The biggest flashlight I've ever seen.

Oh.

Are you ready for tonight?

Of course I am.

I want to tell you something but please don't be angry.

OK. What's wrong?

I can't see anything.

I'm blind.

What do you mean?

There's no point in lying to you, you'll find out sooner or later.

Our leader blinded me in the city.

She must have realised that I love you and you love me and that we were going to run away to the city together.

I'm sorry.

You can't see at all?

No, not at all.

And when you asked if I'd had my hair cut?

I was just saying that so you wouldn't realise that I can't see.

I'm sorry.

Don't cry.

Crying will make your eyes hurt more.

We'll find a way.

What blood type are you?

B.

♪ From the first time I saw her, I knew she was the one

♪ As she stared in my eyes and smiled

♪ And her lips were the colour of roses

♪ That grew down the river all bloody and wild

Do you like berries? Blueberries, blackberries?

No, no. Mm.

Can you play the piano?

No.

Plastic cup.

That's right. Very good.

Do you speak German?

No.

I could teach you German.

But it would take at least a year for you to be able to speak the basics, not fluently, so there's no point.

You know, German is one of the most difficult languages in the world to learn, because its grammar is very complicated.

I brought you something.

It's a fish.

Oh.

♪ On the second day, I brought her a flower

♪ She was more beautiful than any woman I'd seen

♪ And I said, Do you know where the wild roses grow

♪ So sweet and scarlet and free

Kiwi.

That's right, ten out of ten again.

Can I give you a kiss?

I can't thank you enough for all the activities and games and for keeping me company, but you know we can't do that any more.

Would you like to play another round of Touch-Guess-Think-Win?

No, that's enough for today.

In any case, I've run out of things to test you with.

Oh.

Maybe tomorrow or one of these days.

Tomorrow morning?

We'll see.

Bye. Bye.

Good afternoon.

How are you?

Fine.

I'm hungry.

You haven't brought me a rabbit for days.

Or things for me to touch and guess.

I've got good news.

I've had a great idea.

Have you a minute?

What kind of idea?

I raise my left foot, I bring my elbow to my knee and tap it twice.

I bring my foot to my knee and tap it three times.

I lie face down, I kneel down.

I touch my left cheek and then lie face up.

Are you sure you're prepared to do that?

Yes, of course I'm sure.

I wouldn't propose it otherwise.

When?

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

We should speed up a little.

I can't go much faster.

The trousers are too tight. I'm sorry.

It was dark and I couldn't see clearly.

And I didn't have time to try them on.

I'm sorry.

Never mind.

There's a bus coming.

It was the hotel coach.

They didn't see us.

Profile.

Fingers.

Elbows.

Would you like me to show you my belly?

No.

I, I remember your belly very well.

Smile.

Can I have a knife and fork, please? Not a butter knife, a steak knife.

Certainly.

Thank you.

I'm going to do it with a knife.

Do you want me to come with you?

I'd rather you didn't.

Don't worry.

It's strange at first, but then you get used to it.

And your other senses are heightened - touch, for example, and hearing.

I know.

I won't be long.

Thank you very much.