"Madison, Delaware." Wow.
Mom, are you positive there weren't any other places looking for vice principals?
Like where?
Guantanamo Bay?
Ooh, too hot.
North Korea? No.
They didn't call me back.
Detroit?
This is it.
Come on, come on.
Look. A yard.
You'd never get this in New York.
You don't have to keep selling me on this place.
I'm staying because I love you. Aw, I love you too.
And I looked into it.
Legally, I can't live on my own until I'm 18.
Look at this kitchen.
It's bigger than our apartment.
We don't cook.
Well, look at all this counter space to put the takeout on. Whew.
Do you hear that?
No, I don't hear anything.
Exactly.
Live from New York, it's my sister Gale!
With special guest, my nephew Zach.
Get in here with a hug! Hey. Oh.
Oh, it's an SNL reference.
Oh, yeah. You lived in New York.
Okay, yeah. Oh, my goodness!
Look at you!
You're not in any color.
Hey. We should change that.
Oh, my God. It's good to see you.
Wow, you too. Okay. Let me take him in.
Oh, my gosh. He gets more handsome every time I see him.
So good-looking. Thank you, Aunt Lorraine.
He's just a beautiful boy.
Thank God, because you were such an ugly baby.
There it is. Oh, Lorraine.
What? It's fine. He's handsome now.
It's not like he's gonna go ugly, handsome and then back to ugly.
No. The danger's past.
Oh, I almost forgot.
I got a present for you, because I'm a cool aunt.
This is from my new signature men's line.
Ooh. Check it out.
Awesome.
It's limited edition, so you're not gonna see a lot of men wearing that hat.
Yeah, no, I can't imagine anyone would be wearing it.
It's so limited edition.
Try it on. Make sure it fits.
Try it on right now? Okay.
Yeah, take her for a spin. Vroom, vroom, vroom.
Aww!
Oh, yes. Look at that. I mean, come on. That is it.
Okay.
Um, I'm gonna go unload some boxes now, and see you around.
Oh, honey. Leave the hat on. I don't want you to burn.
Mm. And you look good with it on.
Thank you. Cool.
Smooth.
So you're the new neighbor?
Yeah. Nice to meet you.
How long was the drive from New York?
No. I can just tell by the pretty hat that you have.
Oh, no. This... No.
This is... This is actually a gift from my aunt.
It's also a gift for me and everyone who gets to see you wearing it.
I'm Zach, by the way. I'm Hannah.
Hannah.
I gotta go.
Good talk.
Hi. Hey, we're just moving in.
Just... Just me and my mom.
This hat was a gift. You see that fence?
Do you see the fence?
Uh, yes.
Stay on your side of it.
You stay away from my daughter, you stay away from me... and we won't have a problem.
Well, just met our neighbor.
He's a big teddy bear.
Oh, Mr. Shivers?
Yeah. He moved to town a few years ago.
Very mysterious.
Very sexy. I love his scent.
It's like mint and BO. It works.
Yeah. Not my type.
I remember that day.
Oh.
You okay, sweetheart?
Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Um...
I'm gonna go get a head start decorating my room.
Knock it off my bucket list.
How's he doing?
Oh, it's been hard.
He's putting up a wall.
Hopefully, a change of scenery will help.
How are you doing?
Hopefully, a change of scenery will help.
All right, Zach. Let's see what you got.
With the fastball. Two's a curve.
Gotta get up. You gotta give me the sign.
There you go. Oh!
That's...
Oh, see? Dad's not perfect.
No.
Dad can get one drop.
All right. Read the signs.
It's all just to block. Don't wanna jump up.
That's how the fastballs get by.
All right. Get ready. Go fast now. Okay?
Honey? You okay?
Um, yeah. Just found some old baby pictures.
I really did look like baby Gollum.
Yeah, yeah.
That's always the case, right?
Hey, Becca. Oh, hey.
Yay. New friends, new friends, new friends.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you think you're doing?
I'm going to work. Gonna do some educating.
Some administrating.
Cool. Mom, I'm the new kid, which presents its own set of obstacles.
Not sure walking in with the vice principal is the play.
Just give me a 60-second head start so I at least have a chance.
Deal. You promise you'll give it a sh*t?
You know I can't promise you that.
I promise. All right?
And this door-locking thing...
Come on, you're better than that.
Sixty seconds start now, 60, 59, 58, 57, 56, 55, 54...
All right. Let's find our seats, ladies and gentlemen.
Find our seats quickly.
Let's find our seats.
Mm-hm.
Okay. Let's settle down. Um...
Okay. Uh, sorry. Excuse me. Let me just...
Okay, cool. Okay.
So you're the new kid.
Oh, yeah. Cool, cool.
Oh. Hi, Taylor.
Hi, Chump.
She just call you "Chump"? Yes, indeed, she did.
My real name is Champ, you know.
But she's never talked to me before, so we're making progress.
Three. two, one.
Settle down.
Good morning.
I am so happy to introduce you to our new vice principal, Miss Cooper.
And I hope that you show her the same respect that you show me.
Who did that? Who did that?
Miss Cooper.
Hi, everyone.
I know I speak for the entire administration when I say that we are so excited for Friday's fall dance.
We can't stop twerking about it.
Oh, no, she didn't.
She's worse than the last one.
That's my mom.
Oh, well, the last one was fantastic.
I... I'm kidding. I don't even know what twerking is.
But I hear it's very popular...
So you taking anyone to the dance?
No. Yeah.
I was thinking about flying solo too.
Hey, we should go together.
Together?
Oh, not like "together" together.
Dance together or anything. Although that could work.
You know, we get the crowd into it, you know?
And then go split off with different girls.
And as a final reminder, just be safe and have fun.
Take this. sh**t me a text or tweet me.
It has all my contact info.
There's my home address, and that's my locker number.
You know where to find me. Anyone.
Thank you. Anyone caught dancing with their butt facing their partner, you will be sent home immediately.
Immediately.
Hello?
Is someone there?
Did I scare you?
Pfft, no.
Really? Because you jumped like 10 feet high, so...
You know, I jump a lot.
It's how I stay in such great shape.
That's good. I, um...
Yeah, I didn't see you at school today.
Aw, what, you were looking for me?
No, no. I just... I just observed...
No, I'm homeschooled.
Oh, by your dad?
He seems... nice.
And intense. And a little tense.
Don't take it personally. He doesn't really like anyone.
Yeah. So, um...
So is there anything, like, fun to do around here aside from scaring your neighbors?
Okay. There is one thing that I like to do.
Yeah?
Come with me.
Uh...
Hey, where are we going? Don't worry. It'll be fun.
Are you sure you know where you're going?
Yes. Come on.
This way.
Are you taking me somewhere to k*ll me? I'm just curious.
I'm playing it by ear.
Hannah?
Yes, Zach, follow the stranger into the woods.
Come on, scaredy-cat. We're almost there.
Okay. Just a little further.
Okay. Just wait here.
Okay.
Where exactly is here?
Watch this.
Whoa.
What do you think?
Uh...
It's not what I was expecting.
So, what is this place?
Well, they built it years ago, but then they ran out of money.
Now it just sits here.
Come on, this is my favorite part.
Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?
What are you afraid of? I do this all the time.
I'm... I'm not afraid.
I'm just not current with my tetanus sh*ts.
I hate the suburbs.
Come on.
You can do it. Just don't look down.
I know.
You're not gonna fall.
I wasn't planning on it.
There you go. Hi.
Hi.
All right.
So I'm high off of the ground.
It's cool, right?
Yeah. It's cool.
You can see everything from up here.
So... why'd you move to Madison?
Well, my mom said to me:
"Zach, if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?"
And I said, "Can we please move to Madison, Delaware?
That'd be my dream."
Are you always this sarcastic?
Always? No, that's a strong word.
Not always. Usually.
I'm sorry. It's just, um...
It's just been me and my mom since my dad d*ed last year, so yeah.
I'm sorry.
I don't really think about it much anymore.
What about you?
Well, I never knew my mom, and we're always moving from one town to the next.
That really sucks.
It's fine.
Hey, can I ask you something really serious, Hannah?
Yeah. What?
How do we get down?
I'm serious. Is there a plan?
No. How do you normally get down?
You can't. You're stuck.
Wow, I can't believe you ate that cotton candy.
And you know what's scary is it actually tasted kind of fine.
So, uh, thanks for tonight.
That was the least terrible time I've had here.
Oh, Zach. That's so sweet.
That's... I... Really.
Okay.
Hey, Hannah. I'm...
I'm probably gonna take out the trash on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
So, you know, you feel like creeping up on someone, that works for me.
All right. I'll keep that in mind, scaredy-cat.
Hannah!
What are you doing out here?
I'm so sorry.
This is your last warning.
You stay away from us, or something very bad will happen.
I believe you.
"What is X?"
What is X?
Dad, it's not a big deal.
Hannah, you have to understand...
I don't have to understand anything.
We were just talking. Why can't I have friends?
You know why! That is not fair!
You can't just lock me up all the time.
You are never allowed to see that boy!
You understand me? Ever!
Dad, please calm down.
Hannah. No! Aah!
What?
What? I heard a scream.
Is Hannah okay? There was no scream.
You didn't hear anything. Get out of here or the last scream you hear will be your own.
No. Wait, wait...
Mom.
Hey, Mom. Mom. Mom. Oh, hey, sweetie.
Hey, how do you feel about quinoa for dinner?
Mom, Hannah's in trouble.
Oh, who's Hannah?
Madison County 911.
Hi, yes. Uh, I live on Monroe. Um...
Uh, it's an emergency, I think. Zach, what's going on?
Yeah. Maybe possibly a domestic disturbance. I don't know.
You're under arrest! Oh! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I love that enthusiasm. I love that. Keep it.
But we're just... We're not there yet.
Hello, sir. My name's Officer Stevens.
This is Training Officer Brooks. I'm sorry about that before.
You don't need to be sorry.
You're doing great. Really?
We got a call about a possible 10-16 at your residence.
Which is...?
Um... Don't tell me.
It's a domestic disturbance.
Absolutely right. Really?
Yeah. You're absolutely right.
Strange, because I've been here alone all night and I haven't heard a thing. No, no, he's lying.
Where's Hannah? I know it was her screaming.
Okay, yes. Hannah's my daughter, and she's been staying with me for a while while her mother sorted a few things out with her new husband. Ah, yeah.
She flew back to London yesterday morning.
All right, well, that checks out.
Apologies, sir. Thank you for your time.
We're sorry for the disturbance.
Surround sound.
I didn't know being an audiophile was a crime.
Being a what... A what-a-phile?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
That just means that he is a connoisseur of high-end audio equipment.
Oh.
Hi. I'm so sorry. We haven't properly met.
I'm Gale Cooper, your new neighbor.
It's a beautiful home you have.
Pleasure's mine. Thank you so much for stopping by and bringing your delightful son and the police.
Again, I'm so sorry.
Apologies for this, sir.
We hate coming into the home of an upstanding citizen such as yourself.
Really sorry. I mean, obviously, you're not doing anything...
If you would like to press charges, we would love to help you.
Hannah! Hannah!
Whoa! Hannah!
Hold on, big guy. No, no!
Just look upstairs. Trust me.
Should I tase him? I'll tase him.
I like that moxie, but we're gonna hold off.
You have any idea what the penalty is for filing a false police report?
Three years. Close.
It's actually a written warning.
Hold on, hold on. Mom, tell me you don't believe him.
Surround sound? Seriously?
Zach, enough. Go home.
Oh, officers. I'm so sorry.
It's all right, ma'am.
I feel like we should recommend a good treatment center for your son.
Yeah. That kid's on dr*gs. That kid is on dr*gs.
Good night.
Gale.
It's Lorraine.
I can see you.
It's your sister.
Hi. Thanks for coming. Hi.
I have to chaperone the dance at the high school.
I don't wanna leave Zach alone tonight.
Gale. He's a teenage boy having a hard time adjusting.
You know what he needs?
A night in with his aunt, BeDazzling.
Duh.
Oh, thanks. I hate fighting with him.
I know. It'll get better. Just give it some time.
All right. Kit coming through. And don't worry.
It's gonna be all about Zach tonight.
Zach!
So we went out to sushi on Wednesday.
And we both ordered the chicken teriyaki, which is like, "It's fate."
And then I haven't heard from him since, you know?
Which is a bummer, because I really liked him.
He didn't laugh at any of my jokes, but I felt like there was something there.
I don't know. Not like I even care.
It's like, whatever. I should listen to my psychic.
She says, "Stop dating losers, and never go on a plane."
I knew it.
Oh, so you think he's playing hard to get?
Or the more likely scenario:
He lost his phone in, like, a fire.
Yeah, I think he lost his phone.
Yeah. I do too.
You know, I... I totally forgot.
I have a huge test on Monday that I gotta study for.
So I'm just gonna do that all night, and definitely don't come in my room.
Oh, okay. Yeah. See you.
Night, sweetie.
But you know what? I'm just gonna call him.
Now I'm worried he's dead.
Hey, hey, hey.
Over here.
Wait. So how is this gonna work?
Are you my wingman, or am I yours?
Is that what you're wearing to the dance?
I gotta tell you something. Get down.
Dude, no. This is a new suit. Get off.
Where are the girls? Uh, yeah, about that.
I just said that to get you over here.
I need your help.
So there are no girls?
Well, there is one girl.
Oh! My man!
Shh! What? What?
But she's locked in this house, and her dad's a psychopath.
Does she have a friend?
No. I'm serious.
You know, you said there was gonna be girls, and not only are there no girls, but there's a psychopath, and I'm in a suit.
How do you know this guy's going to leave?
I called him and pretended to be the cops.
And I asked him to come to the station.
You can get in trouble for that. It's just a written warning.
Dude. It's wet dirt, dude. My pants are gonna get muddied.
He's right there.
Whoa.
All right. Let's go.
Come on.
Okay, okay.
Dude, my dry-cleaning bill's gonna be ridiculous.
Just come on.
Whoa. Where'd you learn that, New York?
No, YouTube. Oh.
Okay, stay here and watch the driveway.
Wait here by myself? Out in the dark?
Yes, Champ. You're the lookout.
If Shivers comes back, you just give me a sign like:
Okay, just so we're clear, if I sense any danger, I will run the other way.
Whoa!
Where am I?
What the hell? You're supposed to be the lookout.
And that's not gonna change.
I'll just be the lookout, you know, in here.
No, no, by definition you have to be somewhere out, looking.
Let me explain something to you, Zacharias.
You know how they say teenagers have no fear of death?
That they're never gonna get hurt? Well, not me, okay?
I was born with the gift of fear. I remember being 4, being pushed on a swing and thinking, "This is how it ends." You're not gonna die.
All right? At least not today.
Okay? It's gonna be okay.
Yeah, you're right. Okay.
I'm being ridiculous.
Oh, bear traps.
Who puts bear traps in their basement? I mean, seriously.
Let's go.
Let's go outside where it's safe.
Where there's no bear traps.
I think I swallowed some web.
Dude, this way. Come on. Come on.
Up there.
Oh...
It's coming from that room.
Hannah?
That's weird. It's like the noise is coming from this bookcase.
Well, it's an old house.
Whoa. Check this out.
The Scarecrow Walks at Midnight.
The Ghost Next Door, Night of the Living Dummy.
These are all Goosebumps manuscripts.
What's he doing with a bunch of kids' books?
These aren't kids' books. Okay?
Kids' books help you fall asleep.
These books keep you up all night.
Okay. "R.L. Stine."
Whatever happened to that guy?
Uh, who knows? He disappeared one day.
Does it matter? Let's go.
The Abominable Snowman of Pasadena.
My grandma lives in Pasadena.
I stopped visiting after reading this.
Okay.
We're not here for book club.
I know, but why are these books locked?
I mean, who would lock a book?
Maybe there's like a key or something we can unlock it with.
Okay, if it really matters that much, look at this. All right?
Mystery solved.
Let's get back to why... Look out!
Zach?
Hey, Hannah.
What are you doing in my house?
I thought you were chained up, possibly.
Why did you think that? Because I heard you scream, and then I called the... police.
Okay, both of you need to go right now.
Yes. Okay. Wait. One... One second.
Hi. Hi, I'm Champ. Nice to meet you.
Hey, we're going to the semiformal later tonight, and I don't know, you should come and invite a friend.
I really don't care what she looks like.
Did you unlock a book?
Yeah. I did. I'm sorry. It's around somewhere.
I just dropped it. And I'll put it back where it belongs and we'll be out of your hair. Here it is...
No! Don't open it!
No!
What's going on? Nobody make a sound.
My dad's gonna k*ll me.
Wait! Zach!
Zach!
Wait, Hannah.
Hannah. Hannah, wait.
Go home, Zach. You're in over your head.
You wanna tell me what's going on?
No, I can't explain. I have to go.
Zach, wait. Wait.
Come on. Listen.
Stop. Stop. Stop. Dude, what are you doing?
Dude. Dude, get off me.
Listen to me very carefully. That's the Abominable Snowman.
You don't get that nickname by accident.
And it just crawled out of a book.
That doesn't just happen, Zach!
I'm going after Hannah.
Look, I read what it did to Pasadena.
It's no joke, man.
She went in there.
Yeah. She's not the only one who went in there.
Dude, we should call the cops.
Have you met the cops in this town?
Fair enough.
Do you see the scratches on that wall?
Yes.
Just making sure.
Oh! Is that your scream?
Don't judge me.
Over here.
This way.
What is she gonna do, read it a story?
Hannah? What is happening? How did that pop out of a book?
Shh. It's in here. Hey, we should get a g*n.
Are you kidding? We need a t*nk.
Wait. He's made out of snow.
Flamethrower. Bag of salt.
Flamethrower. Quiet.
He can't be k*lled.
It's candy.
Look out!
Come on. It's distracted.
Hannah, come on. Let's go. No, what are you doing?
Get off. No. Stop it! No, you don't understand.
The only way to stop them is to suck them back into the book.
Drop the book and let it suck itself back in.
No, I'm not close enough.
What are you doing? Just open the book.
Just wait.
Hannah, open the book. Not yet.
Hannah! Now!
The book.
Hannah, what are you doing?
Hannah. Huh?
No. No.
Don't let it get the book!
Are you okay? Yeah.
Guys, come on, let's go! Come on. Come on.
Over here! Come on!
Come on. Good idea. Punch it.
Bad idea. Bad idea. Get off that thing.
Aah!
Run.
Hurry, this way. Guys, come on. In here.
Guys, come on. Hurry!
Yes.
Whoa!
All of you in the car, now!
What are you gonna do to us?
Silence.
We can't ask questions...? Shut up!
Dad, they were only trying to help.
I told you to stay away from us, or something bad would happen.
But that's the problem with kids today. They don't listen.
You had to pick Abominable Snowman of Pasadena.
You couldn't have picked Little Shop of Hamsters.
You're him, aren't you?
Hm?
You're R.L. Stine. R.L. who?
I don't know who that is.
Oh, really?
Well, just as well, because his books suck.
What are you doing?
I can't decide which one I hate more:
Monster Blood or Go Eat Worms!
I'm so confused.
You see the endings coming from a mile away.
It's like stop trying to be Stephen King, man.
Let me tell you something about Steve King.
Steve King wishes he could write like me, and I've sold way more books than him, but nobody ever talks about that!
Okay. Way more books!
Dad... Aah!
...your face is doing the red thing again.
No way.
Wait, you're R.L. Stine? That's you?
Really? Really?
Hey, can I get a picture real quick?
No. No. Come on. Come on.
The answer's "yes." I said no.
What? I... No! Get that thing out of here!
I'm sorry. I just wanted a photo real quick for my Instagram.
Oh, is that all? Let me see.
Oh, yeah. Here you go. Thank you.
Hey, hey, what happens now?
You go home, put on your p.j.'s, get your blankie, you go nap-nap.
In the morning, this will all just feel like a bad dream.
Dad, wait. There's no time. Start packing.
We're moving again.
So, what do you wanna do now?
Zach, dude.
But I don't wanna leave. I like it here.
Hannah, you have to understand.
I don't have to understand anything.
Why can't we be normal for once?
Because we're not a normal family. Now go get your things.
I'm so over this.
Oh! Teenagers.
I could've k*lled you.
That was a terrible throw. How?
What are you doing here? Go home.
No. Not until you explain what's going on.
No, no, no. I can't explain it.
We were almost just eaten by Frosty the Snowman, which should be impossible, by the way, so try.
Okay, look...
Where do I begin? When I was younger, I suffered from terrible allergies that kept me indoors.
And all the kids threw rocks at my window and called me names.
So I created my own friends.
Monsters, demons, ghouls to terrorize my neighborhood and all the kids that made fun of me.
And they became real to me.
And then one day, they actually... became real.
My monsters literally leapt off the page.
As long as the books remain locked, we're safe.
But when they open, well, you've just seen what happens.
I'm allergic to dust mites.
What's your point?
I'm just saying, I have allergies too.
So I understand.
Why am I talking to you? Hannah, let's go.
Hannah! I'm sorry.
Let's go.
Hannah, you grab A to M, I'll get M to Z.
And keep the man-eating plant away from the bug-eyed aliens.
Oh, no. Not him.
Hello, Papa.
How long's it been?
Feels like forever.
Who are your new friends?
We're not friends. Barely know him.
Slappy, it's so nice to see you again.
Did you miss me?
Of course I missed you.
So, what's the plan, friend?
You must've brought me out for something fun.
Terrorize the locals? Destroy the town?
Let's get silly.
You guessed it, Slappy.
I'm going to destroy Madison, and I...
And I couldn't do it without you.
Aw, shucks. You're giving me...
Oh, what's the word?
Goosebumps.
Oh, my God. He's so creepy.
Oh, he is such a cr*ck-up.
Such a clever dummy.
Who are you calling "dummy," dummy?
You're trying to put me back in?
No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't be silly.
I know when you're lying to me, Papa.
You've made Slappy very unhappy.
He's not going back on the shelf ever again.
Slappy, no, wait!
I think it's time I started pulling the strings in this relationship.
Tonight is gonna be the best story you've ever written.
All of your children are coming out to play.
Oh, thank God he's gone.
Oh, God. He's gone.
And he's taken all the books.
That one's a real page-turner.
Congratulations. You've just released a demon.
A ventriloquist dummy with a serious Napoleonic complex.
I only opened one book, and now I see that was a mistake.
The snowman must've knocked Slappy's book down.
I still blame him. I don't like you, boy.
It's locked from the outside.
Out the kitchen door. Go now.
Why is that here? I don't know.
Maybe they're friendly.
Not friendly. Definitely not friendly.
Ooh.
He's stuck to my face.
Definitely not friendly.
Dad! Aah!
Hold on. I'll save you.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?
Ready, set, go.
I'm sorry.
Help me. Oh, no, no, no. Help, someone.
Get back. Get back.
Get back.
Heave-ho. Heave-ho.
Heave-ho.
Help me. Help me. Get them off. Okay, okay.
Heave-ho. Heave-ho.
Quickly.
Shut it. Shut it.
Did you get them all? Heave-ho. Heave-ho...
Untie me.
I imagined something different.
"Come over to my house. There will be girls.
I'm your wingman."
Oh, no, no, no. We got to get out of here.
We need to get to the basement.
It's locked. I picked it.
That's breaking and entering!
Watch out for the bear traps.
Why'd it have to be bear traps?
All right, come on. Hurry. Come on.
Lock it! Lock it! Okay.
Why couldn't you have written stories about rainbows and unicorns?
Because that doesn't sell 400 million copies.
Whoa, domestic?
No, worldwide.
It's still very impressive. Shut up.
What is that?
He's burning the books. Why's he doing that?
So there's no way to get the monsters back inside.
It's Slappy's revenge.
Slappy's Revenge. That's a good title.
Sorry, folks. I'd slow down, but I can't reach the brake.
Hey, check out my new best seller.
It'll grow on you.
Dropped calls are gonna be the least of this town's problems.
I'm driving myself crazy!
The town has been invaded. Communications are down.
We're talking mass chaos, and no one knows how to stop it.
What do you think?
I'm not sure. I... I'm not... I don't know.
It's The Blob.
The Blob. The original one with Steve McQueen.
Oh, I can't believe you don't know that movie.
Come over to my house. I got it on LaserDisc.
We'll wa...
Power went out again.
God. All night with this.
Well, these emergency lights should kick on soon.
Somebody left their ventriloquist dummy.
Who you calling "dummy"?
It's talking. What is that thing?
I come in peace. Unarmed.
I just wanna read you a bedtime story.
Sir, shut your mouth. Okay.
Because that's not gonna stop me.
Hands where I can see them. Officers!
You've been relieved of your duties. Ha, ha!
Now, freeze.
Hello?
Oh, hello, cutie. You must be lost.
Oh, and no tags.
Well, let's get you some water.
We'll take you around the neighborhood and we'll find your owner.
Is he handsome? Is he single?
Is he thinking about leaving his wife and needs a push?
All right. Trying not to spill.
Don't be clumsy, Lorraine.
Okay, you must be so thirsty.
Everyone in town's been frozen.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, Dad. Dad, what happened to...?
Wait.
Oh. Oh, thank God.
Guys, false alarm. It's not my dad.
What are we going to do?
Without those manuscripts, there's nothing I can do.
If... If you wrote the monsters off the page, then maybe there's a way you could write them back on.
Wait... Yeah, yeah, yeah! Why don't you just do that?
You have any idea how many stories I'd have to write to capture every monster I've created?
I already have carpal tunnel in both hands.
Dad, just listen to him. It's a great idea.
Just one. One story to capture them all.
Hmm, simple. Just one, one story, with every monster I've ever created.
Brilliant. Really good idea. He's a keeper.
You have a better idea?
Mm-hm, mm-hm.
A much better idea.
No, not now, I don't, but...
Okay, then we gotta get you to a computer so you can start writing. There's...
There's a computer store. Just break in.
No, no, no. I need my typewriter.
What? Every story I've written was on that Smith Corona. It's not just me.
That typewriter is special.
It has a soul of its own.
If I write on anything else, it won't work.
Where's the typewriter?
Oh, don't worry.
It's somewhere safe.
♪ Get ugly
♪ And everybody say
♪ Get ugly
♪ Get ugly
♪ Get ugly Come on.
Come on, come on, come on.
Just give me one bar.
This was working earlier.
Brains. Aah!
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.
I mean, I did mean to scare you, but in a playful way.
So, uh, is everything okay?
I'm sorry, I have to get hold of my son, and I can't get any service.
Yeah. No one can tonight. It's weird.
I don't know what's going on with my phone.
I can't get reception.
Slappy's taken out the cell-phone towers.
That's what I'd do.
He's cutting us off. Isolating us.
What was that?
Ugh, it's the Invisible Boy. He's a menace.
Ow!
Shove him out the window.
Roll up the window.
He's got his tie! Help, help!
Hold on.
Not cool!
Are you okay?
Yeah. For sure.
Yeah. Wait. Wait, look out!
Are you okay? Yeah.
Everyone okay?
It came out of nowhere.
I don't remember writing about a giant praying mantis.
Right. Now I remember.
Get us out of here!
What are you doing? I can't drive if I can't see.
Just go!
Oh, my God!
Watch out! Turn left!
Stop driving straight!
He's catching up! Turn right! Step on it!
Does someone else wanna drive? I'll pull over right now.
Why'd you come up with something so freaky?
I just have a knack for it, I guess.
Oh, no. My Wagoneer.
I had such low mileage on it.
How far are we from the high school?
Not too far.
We can cut through the cemetery.
I'm sorry, a cemetery?
God, relax. The high school's just past the woods.
Wait, how do you know that?
Uh, sometimes I get a little stir-crazy and go exploring.
When? At night after you go to bed.
You're grounded. That is so unfair.
No, it's fair. You're bringing up good points, but let's keep moving while you argue.
Sneaking off in the middle of the night with strange boys.
Unbelievable. Shut it.
Hey, hey, do you have a dollar I could borrow?
What? No. Why? I'm parched.
Well, just take one. I'm sure they'll understand.
Really? Ha!
Lemonade, grape or strawberry?
Good God, man. Here. Orange.
I don't know what I was thinking.
There is way more going on here than New York.
What? Uh, you cut yourself.
Is it bad? Uh, yeah. It's really bad.
Is my face messed up?
Yeah. Big time.
You look exactly the same.
Did you hear that?
What are you doing?
That's the Werewolf of Fever Swamp.
He can smell my scent.
No, it's not working. I have to hide.
Come on.
Shh, no, no, no.
Do something.
Come on, come on. Come on.
Come on. Go, go, go.
He's on our tail. Go.
Go! He's right behind us!
Come on. Go, go.
Oh!
I'm stuck. Help me get out.
What are you doing? There's no time!
I said get me out of here. Gotta go. There's no time.
I said get me out... Oh, no. Keep going. He's chasing us.
I'm going as fast as I can.
Just go. We're right behind you. Okay!
Aah! Oh!
Come on. We gotta go. Get up. Get up.
Come on, come on! Let's go, guys!
Come on, come on, come on.
Ha! Let's see him get through that.
Go, go! Run, run!
It's locked. This way.
I'm okay.
I'm still okay!
Who is that? It's my Aunt Lorraine.
Oh, my gosh.
I think I k*lled that bear.
It was actually a werewolf. What?
Aunt Lorraine, what are you doing here?
This is the back of my store. I didn't know where else to go.
I can't get ahold of your mother or the cops or anyone...
Hello. Uh, hi. Hello.
Hi. I don't think we've been properly introduced.
Um... I'm... I'm Lorraine.
Hello. R.L. Stine.
We owe you a great debt of gratitude.
Your reckless driving saved our lives.
Oh, that old thing?
Lorraine. Lorraine.
So... Lorraine.
We don't have time. I need you to go to the police and tell them to meet us at the high school.
All right? Can you do that? I can do that. Okay.
Oh, did you wanna exchange numbers?
It's not a good time, but yes!
Oh, God, this is a bad idea.
What was that?
You okay? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Just a root. Nothing scary here.
So how did you get the nickname "Champ"?
It's not a nickname.
Wait. That's your real name? Is it short for something?
My full name is Champion.
Your actual name is Champion.
Sorry.
My dad won a bronze back in the '92 Olympics. Really?
My mom, she was an all-American sprinter and a two-time world debate champion.
So they named me "Champ."
Hey, you know, if you're scared, I can hold your hand.
Please, you're the scaredy-cat.
Wait, wait. Hold on. It's okay. It's just a statue.
All right? You're fine.
It's all right. All right?
Just give me a sec. It's...
It's caught on your jacket.
My hero.
There. You're free to go.
What is it?
Nothing.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Yeah, totally. I'm fi...
Zach!
Run!
Ghouls. Go, go.
Oh, they're getting closer!
Go. Here. Go. Go. Come on. Come on. Go, go, go.
Hurry, quick, quick, quick.
I'm stuck.
Go on without me. Save yourself. Okay. Good luck.
No, I didn't mean it, Champion!
What kind of monster would take me up on that offer?
Pull. Everybody pull.
I'll k*ll him. Where is that little imbecile?
Wait for us, you coward!
All right. Okay, Lorraine. You got this.
Just tell the cops to head to the high school and that everyone's in trouble.
You can do this. Okay.
Oh! Nope. Wrong door.
Hello?
Is anyone in here?
Calling all cops, calling all the cops.
Head to the high school. My nephew's in trouble.
He's with R.L. Stine.
They think they know how to stop all this.
Hello? Can anyone hear me?
I can hear you.
Sergeant Slappy, ready to protect and serve.
Oh, my goodness.
You're... Don't do it.
...a talking... Don't say it.
...dummy. You said it.
You have the right to remain silent.
Where did they put my typewriter?
I know it was this way. It might've been the other way.
We should split up. What? No.
Have you ever read one of your books?
We're never supposed to split up.
Come on. How many display cases could there be?
You're touching me. Yeah. Hang on a second.
Hannah doesn't know, does she? She doesn't know what?
That she's not real.
She thinks she's a person, okay?
Not just some figment of your imagination.
How could... How could you lie to her?
I was trying to protect her!
Oh, yeah? Well, good job with that.
This gift of mine is a curse.
You have no idea how lonely it's been until Hannah.
She's different.
I wrote her in such a way that she thinks she's real, and she is real to me, Zach.
I don't expect you to understand.
Actually, I do.
I'm afraid of losing her.
And the truth is, I'm afraid of being alone.
I suppose I stopped connecting with real people when I was your age.
After my dad d*ed, I shut everyone out too.
Maybe we can both start over, if we're alive tomorrow.
There you are. Are you okay?
You look like you just saw a ghost.
Okay. Well, come on. We found the typewriter.
Oh, my sweet darling, I've missed you so much. Mwah.
All right, so start writing.
Yes, but what's the story?
What do you mean? Monsters lose, good guys win, the end.
No, no, no. It doesn't work unless it's a real Goosebumps story, with twists and turns and frights.
Not to mention some personal growth for our hero.
What?
Go to the gym. Warn everyone.
Tell them to barricade the school.
Where are you going?
To find someplace to write.
Slappy's going to come for me.
I have a deadline, literally.
Now go.
Unbelievable.
♪ Off, off, off
♪ Off with your head
♪ Dance, dance Till you're dead?
♪ Heads will roll Heads will roll?
♪ Heads will roll On the floor?
Excuse me.
Sorry. Coming through.
Come on. We gotta get to the stage.
♪ Heads will roll Heads will roll?
♪ Heads will roll On the floor?
So this is what a high-school dance is like.
Uh, yeah. Usually the dancing's better.
But you get the idea.
That what they call dancing now?
I'm not sure. Zach.
Mom. Mom. Zach.
I was so worried. I couldn't get hold of you or Lorraine.
I know. I know. Mom, everyone here is in danger.
We have to barricade the school. Oh, no, Zach. Not this again.
He's telling you the truth. I'm Hannah. I live next door.
All right.
Okay, everyone, listen up. Okay?
Okay. Everybody, you gotta listen up...
Champ, get down. I have something to say.
Uh... wow.
Okay, um...
Uh, okay, uh...
Listen to my best friend Zach.
Just... Just tell them. Thanks, Champ.
Yeah. Yeah. All right. Um...
This is going to sound insane, but monsters have invaded Madison.
Guys, it's the truth. Okay?
He's telling the truth. It's...
He's not making this up.
They've blocked every road out of town, they've torn down the cell towers, and we've been cut off from the rest of the world.
And they could be coming for us any second, so we need to work to...
Aah! He's right.
It's the Boogeyman. And he's picking his nose.
I'm not making... Aah!
There's a giant bug, and it's eating everybody's cars!
Uh, it's getting old, dude. No, seriously!
They're here.
Whoa.
Ha, ha!
Now, this is a real homecoming.
All right. Everyone, everyone, everyone calm down. Okay?
I know... I know what to do, but I can't do it by myself.
Take this.
Invite the rest of our friends to the party.
Look. Those things out there, they're R.L. Stine's monsters.
He's here, and he can fix this, but we need to buy him time to write.
And don't worry, he's a very quick writer.
The night was cold.
Cold was the night.
Come close. Don't be shy.
You don't wanna miss the show.
All right, everyone. These are all the exits.
Find anything you can to barricade the doors, because we cannot let the monsters inside.
Come on, guys. We don't have a lot of time.
Stack them up there. Stack them up.
Come on, quickly. Quickly. Yes.
All my friends in one place.
I've never been so happy.
I don't want this day to end.
And it doesn't have to... as long as we get rid of Stine.
Charge!
Woo-hoo!
Go, go, go! It's not gonna hold! Go!
Go, go, go!
We come in peace.
We come in peace.
We should be helping. We should be leaving.
Uh... whoa.
What? What?
Where are you going?
We are so... through.
Please, no. Please.
No, please.
Oh, my God. How'd you do that?
Oh, um...
Silver fillings. I have a ton of cavities.
When I was 10, I didn't brush my teeth for a whole year.
Ugh, werewolf hair. Oh.
You saved my life, Chump.
It's actually "Champ."
I was just gonna say "hug me again," but yeah, yeah, that works too.
We can't keep this up. There's too many.
We have to get to Stine.
Let's go. Okay.
All the monsters had converged.
The vicious vampire bats, the praying mantis, the haunted mask...
Forgetting somebody?
Slappy.
How did you find me?
I know you. I created you.
Or is it the other way around?
I always forget. We're so similar.
Slappy?
Slappy?
Slappy?
Slappy? Hi.
"Everyone in the high school joined forces to defeat Slappy and his monsters."
Hmm. But Slappy had other ideas.
No.
Dad!
Are you okay?
That dumb dummy broke my fingers.
I was almost finished. Only one or two pages left.
Well, forget two pages. Write two words: "the end."
It doesn't work like that.
School-wide announcement:
Monsters have overwhelmed Madison High.
Retreat in an orderly fashion to the storage room.
I repeat, retreat in an orderly fashion to the storage room.
We'll figure this out later, all right?
Let's go. Follow me.
Come on, go!
Aah! Hannah. No.
Close it. Close it.
Are you okay? Yeah. Yeah. Thanks.
Come with me.
Wait. Wait, she's a...
Yes, and I don't care.
All right. Come on, come on, come on. Go, go, go.
Shut it! Go!
Get that door! Get it! Get it!
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Wait. Mom, Mom, Mom. You okay?
Are you okay? Yeah.
What do we do? They'll get through.
I don't know. I don't know.
Slappy wants me.
That's who he's after.
Listen to me, if I can lure them away in one of those buses, I know that they'll follow me and you'll all be safe.
I'm coming with you. No, I need to do this alone.
I've been running away from people my whole life.
I was so angry at the real world that I created these terrible monsters.
Hold that door down.
But I'm not mad anymore.
It's my fault, not this town's. Not yours.
There's gotta be another way. Hannah, sweetheart, it's time for me to face my demons.
I believe in you. Shut up!
I'm sorry. I mean, shut up.
I have an idea.
Oh, Papa.
There's no escaping from us.
Bring him to me.
Did it work?
Not yet.
Come on. Come on, work.
Come on, come on.
Uh-oh.
Yes!
High five.
Oh, boy. Bad idea. Sorry.
Yes. It worked.
Oh, be careful, Zach.
We're gonna get through this.
Not a good time.
Okay.
Okay. Go.
Okay, it was clear there was only one place left to hide.
I can't type while walking. Then commit it to memory.
There was one place to hide. It was the, uh, arcade gallery.
There is no arcade gallery.
Okay. That was, in fact, the funhouse!
Wait, guys. Why don't we just sit at one of these tables?
Come on. Guys!
Follow the scent.
Lead me to Stine.
Stine's ingenious plan worked to perfection.
The funhouse was terrifying.
Not so much for Stine as it was for the others.
But it offered refuge from the real terrors that lurked outside.
You wish.
He found us. Quickly, follow me.
Papa, you left without saying goodbye.
Trying to hide from me?
That's like hiding from yourself.
I was your best friend, and you turned your back on me.
Locked me up, imprisoned me in the pages of a book.
You stuck me on a shelf for years and years.
The key was right there.
And you never used it.
You're not real, Slappy. I created you.
I can write you out.
I've been saving this monster just for you.
Say hello to my gelatinous friend. Run!
It's The Blob That Ate Everyone. Don't let it touch you.
We need to get to higher ground.
The Ferris wheel.
Zach, you go on ahead. I'll hold it off.
You finish the book.
What? What do I write?
What's the end? The story I've been writing.
It's what's happening right now. You can do this. End it.
Wait.
Dad!
Hannah, he's gonna be okay, all right?
We have to finish the book.
Okay.
Not so fun, is it?
Here we go.
Okay.
How do you like it, Papa?
The world is just outside your grasp, but you can't move.
You're trapped.
That's what it felt like to be locked inside your books.
Wait. The book. Where is it?
As the monsters converged, Zach closed his eyes, and the monsters were swallowed back into the world of paper and ink.
Can you type any faster? This is my first time using a typewriter. Keep going.
Eureka, eureka, 23-69...
They're coming. What are we gonna do?
Finish it, Zach.
One by one, the monsters disappeared back into the book, never to be seen...
...again. The end.
Here. What happens now?
We're about to find out.
We're all gonna die!
Just hold on!
Hold on tight!
Where's the seat belt in this thing?
Let's go.
Right.
I'm okay. I'm okay.
Okay. Hurry up. All the monsters will be here any second.
All the monsters.
Wait. What are you waiting for?
Come on, open the book.
Hannah, there's something that you need to know, and you're not gonna... Open the book, Zach.
No, no. You don't understand.
If we open the book, that means...
It means I'll be stuck on a shelf someplace forever.
You knew?
How many sweet sixteens can one girl have?
Zach, it's time to move on.
Now open the book, scaredy-cat.
No.
Okay. Then I'll open it. Wait, no. Hannah!
Wait, Hannah. I've got you.
Maybe if I hold on to you tight enough...
You have to let go, Zach.
Whoa!
Slappy's not happy!
Neither is Stine!
Stupid dummy!
See you in your dreams!
You'll be okay.
I'll always be in your imagination, which is really where I belong.
I'm just sad we never got to share a dance.
Wait.
Yeah. One more coat, we should be good.
Let's go, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome back to class, guys. All right. Welcome back.
Hey. Watch it.
Back to business. Let's go.
Okay. I'll give you a 60-second head start.
It's okay, Mom. Let's go in together.
So mature.
You love it.
Maybe after fourth period.
Oh, okay. That would be great.
You okay? You breathing? You're gonna be great.
Okay? You look great. You smell great.
My God, what is that?
I rub myself in cilantro every morning.
Of course you do, my sexy little salsa.
Go on.
Okay. I'm off to work.
Oh, what did I have for you?
There it is.
Oh. Oh. Went too far. Got it.
Hello. Ahem.
My name is Mr. R. L. Stine, and I will be your new English teacher, because Mr. Boyd is still recuperating from injuries sustained in a mutant-insect att*ck.
Now... every story ever told can be broken down into three distinct parts.
The beginning, the middle and the twist.
Hello, Mr. Stine. Hello, Mr. Black.
Uh, who was that?
He's the new drama teacher.
Can I ask you something? Of course.
Do you miss her?
Not a day goes by that I don't think of her.
But she'll always be in here... and in there.
And right here... and in here.
And also right over there.
I may have written one more book.
Hannah.
You're... You're real.
You came back.
I had to. You owe me a dance.
Come on, let's go.
You forgot about me.
Goosebumps (2015)
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