Weird Science (1985)

[bunniefuu]

Weird Science (1985)



This is so beautiful.

You know it, Gary.

Look at her.

Do you know what I'd like to do?

Shower with them.

Then we hit the city, baby, dead on, for a little drinks, a little nightlife, dancing...

Dancing.

We throw a huge party, I mean huge party...

Everybody's invited, women everywhere.

All these girls, they're all there.

Naked bodies everywhere.

Gary.

They'll know my name.

What?

Nobody likes us.

Nobody.

Why are you messing with the fantasy?

We know about the reality.

Don't ruin the fantasy, okay?

And then, we're a hit, man.

We're popular.

We're revered.

Man, we're studs.

When the smoke clears, right...

those two dames fall amazingly, completely, and totally in love with us, Wyatt.

Check it out.

Yo!

Check us out!

Look, we're sorry about...

She's alive She's alive Weird science Weird Ooh Weird science Plastic tubes and pots and pans Bits and pieces And magic from our hands We're makin' weird science Ooh, things I've never seen before Behind bolted doors And imagine, it's my creation Is it real?

It's my creation I do not know No hesitations Your heart of gold Is flesh and blood I do not know Why do I know?

From my heart and from my hand Why don't people understand My intentions Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh weird science Ooh Ooh, ooh Weird science Things I've never seen before Behind bolted doors Weird science Bits and pieces and bits and pieces And bits and pieces Science Weird Where did your parents go, anyway?

Cincinnati.

They're meeting the guy my sister wants to marry.

Chloe?

Who the hell would marry Chloe?

He's studying to be a vet.

Don't make a mess.

The maid doesn't come till Monday.

How come your parents suddenly trust you?

Chet's coming home from college for the weekend.

He's in charge.

Chet?

sh*t!

You should have told me this before I agreed to sleep over.

How do you put up with him?

If I don't, he beats the sh*t out of me.

It's a habit he picked up in m*llitary school.

He's very protective of me.

Nice relationship.

Look.!

There's nothing to fear.

Look.

No blood, no decay.

Go on.

Fix the electrodes.

You'll have plenty to be afraid of before the night's over.

The storm will be magnificent...

All the electrical secrets of heaven.

This time we're ready, Fritz.

Let's have one final test.

Throw the switches.

Here in this machine, I have discovered the great ray that first brought life into the world.

Here's the final touch...

the brain you stole, Fritz...

The brain of a dead man waiting to live again in a body I made.

It's not a bad idea.

What?

In 15 minutes, the storm...

Making a girl.

Actually making a girl...

just like Frankenstein, except cuter.

Nobody must come here.!

Don't touch it.!

Sorry, Doctor.

You're serious.

Yes.

Look me in the eyes.

Do I look serious?

You're crazy.!

Crazy am I?

We'll see whether I'm crazy or not.

Gary Wallace, that's absolutely gross.

I'm not digging up dead girls.

I'm not talking about digging up a dead girl.

I'm talking about your computer, idiot.

You can simulate stuff on your computer.

Why can't we simulate a girl?

I guess I could, but why?

It's two-dimensional on the screen.

It's not flesh and blood.

But we can ask it questions.

We'll put it in real-life sexual situations and see how it reacts.

Well, what about your girl in Canada?

She lives in Canada.

She has no morals.

I don't like that in a girl.

Anyway, get to work.

Very nice.

Hold it, Wyatt.

I know female stats.

Anything bigger than a handful, you're risking a sprained tongue.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Perfect.

Okay.

Now what?

Should we give her a brain?

Yeah.

We'll play chess with her.

Chess?

Just give her a brain.

That's all we can do with my stuff.

Did you get a free toaster with this, too?

The problem is, this is a lame idea.

Your computer is a wimp.

We need a lot more power.

What do you suggest?

We're in.

We're in trouble, Gary.

This is highly illegal.

We got to fill this thing with data.

We'll make her as real as possible.

I want her to live, breathe.

I want her to aerobicize.

Live.!

All Dave, all night.!

We know what you need only right here on Dave TV!

It's moving, it's working.

It's working by itself.

I lo mee li I lo la la mala kroo kara kara chal do le mo le lo...

But, Gary...

by the way, why are we wearing bras on our heads?

Ceremonial.

You ready?

Yeah.

Let's go.

Turn it off!

It is off!

Hang up the phone!

Wyatt, what's going on?

I don't know!

Unplug it!

Oh, sh*t!

Arf!

Arf!

No!

It's a birthday present!

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, sh*t!

Let's get this thing out of your house!

You get it out!

This is all your fault!

I'll get it out!

Whoa!

What the hell is it?

Oh, sh*t!

One, two, three.

She's alive.

Alive.!

Uhhhhh.

So what would you little maniacs like to do first?

You guys created me.

I didn't come from anywhere.

Before you messed around with your computer, I didn't even exist.

By the way, you did an excellent job.

Thank you.

Hello?

Isn't showering real fun?

If we're going to have fun together, you guys had better loosen up.

What're we gonna do with her?

We'll just go with the situation.

By Sunday, you'll think of something.

You're a very bright guy.

I'm just being practical.

I know.

I appreciate it.

Let's go.

What about this mess?

Clean it up tomorrow.

Okay, but don't get B.O.

on Chet's suit, or he'd k*ll me.

Where are we going?

We're going downtown and...

Oh, my God!

Whose stuff is this?

Is that yours?

Gary, I don't know...

What is going on here?

I don't know!

You look good, though, okay?

Did you steal this car?

No.

How did you get it?

I can get anything I want.

Right now, I want to party.

Party?

Yeah.

Think up a name for me.

What name do you want?

You think of one.

Lisa.

Why Lisa?

Why not?

He used to like a girl named Lisa.

Oh, yeah?

Old girlfriend?

She kicked him in the nuts.

Will you shut up?

It wasn't your fault.

All you said was hello to her.

Shut up!

Guys, I like Lisa.

That'll do just fine.

You guys ready to rock?

Ready.

Ready.

Lisa?

Yeah?

I don't think we belong here.

Don't be silly.

It's a public place.

We'd both love to stay, but we're not 21.

You're 21.

Maybe you'd feel better if you mingled.

We don't mingle, okay?

Then we'll invite these people to your house and we could all mingle there.

We'll mingle.

We'll mingle.

Hi, dudes.

Well, g*dd*mn!

Listening to this blues music reminds me of my own trials and tribulations as a young guy.

My folks really dump on me.

You guys get along with your parents?

I guess you guys moved out by now.

Uh, what's this, sir?

Drink it.

That's a very sweet thought, but I really don't...

Until now.

See you guys in the emergency room.

Pretty lady, what's a beautiful broad like you...

doing with a malaca like this?

It's purely sexual.

No sh*t.

She's into malacas, Dino.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

She's into malacas!

Do you believe that?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

You can say that again!

Fats, man, let me tell you my story, man.

Last year, I was insane for this crazy little 8th-grade bitch.

Crazy insane?

Insane?

Crazy?

I was nuts for the woman, man.

I'm tellin' the truth here.

I was nuts for the girl.

She had big titties.

She wouldn't have had to worry about no titties for the rest of her life.

That's the truth.

I called her every night for like a month.

Every damn night?

Every night, Mitch.

On the telephone?

What's this boy talkin' about, on the telephone?

Explain it to him.

We know there's a telephone.

But he hung up on her.

The chick with those big titties?

You know what the bitch did to me?

Lay it on me.

Listen...

She kneed you in the nuts.

She did what?

Bitch kneed your nuts?

Bitch kneed my nuts!

In the family jewels?

In the family jewels, man.

Broke my heart in two.

She broke more than your heart.

Forget that other one.

You got this fine jewel sitting by you.

Ain't that the truth, baby?

That's the plain truth!

Party's over.

Party's over, says the girl.

Here's money for you...

$50 for you, $50 for you.

I'll bet $5 that boy won't make it through the club.

Woo, baby You know I love you I really shouldn't be driving.

Listen, I appreciate it.

I don't feel like driving.

Okay, forget it.

I'll drive.

Give me the keys!

Will he be all right?

I warned him about that blind dog bourbon.

He don't have a license.

I don't even have a learner's permit.

Hey, let's scout another party, man.

What will you tell Chet about me?

Nothing.

Nothing?

That's not very realistic, Wyatt.

I'm just trying to concentrate on the road.

Concentrate harder.

You're running a red light.

Oh, sh*t!

I hate that stuff!

I never listen to it!

I hate this car!

Are you okay?

My nuts are halfway up my ass.

Other than that, I'm perfect.

Think of what you'll do about Chet.

He's one serious idiot.

You're stewed, butt-wad!

Who, me?

Know what time it is?

Uh, 2:00?

Time to pay the fiddler.

I was kind of counting on you to be human about this.

Here's the bottom line, Wyatt.

I'm telling Mom and Dad everything.

And I'm even considering making up some sh*t.

All right, Chet.

Name your price.

$175 and zero cents, cash...

New bills, crisp and clean, in my wallet by 7 A.M.

Thank you.

Hey, what are big brothers for?

See you upstairs.

How to be jilted.

Pllllttt.

Shh.

The boozehounds return.

What a joke!

Hi, girls.

Feeling kind of queasy?

How about a nice greasy pork sandwich served in a dirty ashtray?

He pukes, you die.

He's not laughing at you, Chet.

Yes, I am.

Did you tell Chet about the woman we made tonight?

He's drunk.

No sh*t.

No sh*t, Chet.

You donkey dicks couldn't get laid in a morgue.

You're absolutely right.

You're absolutely right, Chet.

Hey, Gary.

What?

Ha ha ha ha!

He's an assh*le.

Look at his haircut.

Anybody with a haircut like that is an assh*le.

Psst.

Lisa.

Where are you?

I'm right behind you.

Surprise!

I won't hurt you.

Your lips feel like rigor mortis has set in.

Relax a little bit.

I wasn't expecting you to kiss me.

I mean, I was just...

I was...

uh...

Oh That was better.

Want to try it again?

If you don't mind.

I mean, yes, please, ma'am.

Oh oh oh oh Oh Mmph!

You sure you're only 15?

I'll be 16 in June.

You made me.

You control me.

What are you thinking about, huh?

Um...

women's gymnastics.

Well, I don't know.

I'll do my best.

Good.

Oh.

Wyatt, Wyatt, Wyatt, where are you?

I'm right here, Gary.

What happened?

I don't know.

I think it was a dream.

What?

Everything...

Last night, Lisa.

It had to be a dream.

We were both in it.

Two people can't have the same dream.

It had to be a dream.

In your dream, did I get up in the middle of the night and yak in your sink?

Didn't throw up.

No.

Maybe it was a dream, you know...

A very weird, bizarre, vivid, erotic, wet, detailed dream.

Maybe we have malaria.

sh*t.

Gary!

Wyatt!

Breakfast.!

I don't have the bucks to pay Chet off about this.

You can't fear Chet the rest of your life.

Why not?

Please...

I don't know, Wyatt.

I mean, it's seriously affecting your sex life.

10 seconds into my gymnastics routine, you passed out.

You slept.

I did my toes.

By the way, you're very cute.

We'll try it again sometime.

Good morning, turd brain.

Hi, Chet.

You spit in this?

Not that I'm aware of, no.

Hey, that looks pretty good.

Now make yourself one, d*ck weed.

I like your panties.

It's a joke, Chet.

That's not a joke!

That is a severe behavioral disorder.

Those are women's underpants!

Next you'll be wearing a bra on your head.

The old man's going to have a stroke.

All right, Chet.

How much?

How much?

This goes way beyond payment, pal.

Come on, Chet.

Please?

Well...

your VCR should cover it...

for openers.

Thank you.

For Christ's sakes, will you cover yourself?

You guys looking for something for your mom?

I really don't think so...

Sue.

Do you guys have, uh...

girlfriends?

One does not refer to a 23-year-old woman as a girlfriend.

Uh, mistress, Gar.

Um, lover.

Sexpot.

She's a sexpot.

You guys are the ones that got b*at up at the homecoming game, right?

Do you think you could wrap up a bottle of this scent for me?

Um, two.

Set yourself up with one, too.

Three scents, please.

If you were a 15-year-old boy, would these turn you on?

I think so, too.

I'll take them.

Do you have a bra to match that...

something leather, rubber, or barbed wire?

Give me a break.

Check it out.

What?

Five bucks?

Finsky.

Max, what will you do?

For the first time in my life, I don't feel like a total d*ck.

Yeah, me either.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha.!

Sorry, boys.

Momentary loss of motor control.

You guys getting tired of this?

There's a big white sale going on...

at Towel World!

We're not impressed.

Can I have some of that, please?

Their sh*t bores me.

Should we dump them?

We've been with them three months.

We've been to all the parties.

We won't go to any more parties.

We'll go into a social coma.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Let's give them another chance.

Okay.

Will you forgive us?

Oh, you guys.

What will we do with you?

Excuse me!

We got her, we got her.

Hey!

Hey.

Hi.

That's Ian.

This is Max.

We call him Mad Max.

I saw you on the escalator.

You were looking at us, right?

Yeah.

So what are you doing?

Nothing.

I'm waiting for my ride.

Lis, come on, hon.

We're late.

Honey, move.

Speak to you later.

She likes the rough stuff.

What can I do?

There's a party tonight at Wyatt's house.

You can find his name in the students' directory under Donnely.

Pass the word around.

Party?

Don't ask.

You'll have a heart att*ck by the time you're 40.

Learn to relax.

Have you tried inversion boots?

Lisa, you don't understand my parents.

What's there to understand?

They're oppressive, meddlesome, difficult, demanding, and totally bizarre.

They're normal parents.

Go get dressed.

Lisa, I created you.

Why do you do things I don't want?

You and Gary want friends, you want popularity, you want all that stuff, right?

I thought about it.

Sure, but...

So I'm giving it to you.

Thank you, but I don't want it in my house.

If you want to be a party animal, learn to live in the jungle.

Now go get dressed.

I'll pick up Gary.

I can't wait to meet his parents.

Do you go to Gary's school?

Do I look like I'm in high school?

No.

She's a foreign exchange student.

They have a different educational system happening around the world.

You look very...

mature.

Doesn't she?

I was thinking the same thing.

What do you do for a living, Al?

I'm an independent businessman.

My dad's a plumber.

He's into plumbing.

I guess you plumb, right, Dad?

Yeah.

I think it's time to go.

You ready?

Where are you going?

To a party.

To a movie.

Movie party, is what it is.

No.

I've whipped up this nasty soiree at his friend Wyatt's house.

Soir what?

Soiree, honey.

I think that means party.

Party.

There's going to be sex, dr*gs, rock n' roll, chips, dips, chains, whips...

Your basic high school orgy.

I'm not talking candle wax on the nipples...

Just hundreds of kids running around in their underwear acting like animals.

I've heard enough!

Gary, get to your room!

Yes, sir!

It's okay.

I'll handle this.

Girlie, get out before I throw you out.

Don't thr*aten me, Al!

You're out of shape.

I'll kick your ass.

I'm going to make this real easy for you.

I'm taking Gary to a party.

Over my dead body.

He's a good kid.

He studies hard.

If anybody should be bitching, it should be Gary.

You ever compliment him on his grades?

Or on anything?

Hey!

Hey!

Compliments embarrass me.

Shut up!

Shut up!

It's so sad that your son's only sexual outlet is tossing off to magazines in the bathroom.

Oh, Gary!

I never tossed off!

You said you were combing your hair.!

I was!

Gary, shut up!

Water's running all day.

Shut up!

I never tossed off!

And you wouldn't tell your own mother!

Shut up!

This guy deserves a party.

Look, I don't know who you are, what you are, or where you came from, but I'm not taking any more of this.

Dial the police, Lucy, and give me the phone.

I'm going to get the...

Give me the phone.

Well, here it is.

Jesus, God.

Oh, Christ.

Oh, Lord God.

Oh.

Whoa.

Go ahead...

make your day?

I'm sorry it has to come to this.

Come to what?

Cheer up, or I'll blow your face off.

Don't be such an old lady.

Everything's cool.

Everything's cool!

My dad's going to castrate me.

My mother almost had a cardiac arrest.

I'll be grounded till I'm 45.

Other than that, everything's great.

Couldn't be better.

Trust me for once, will you?

They don't know what happened.

Did you think Gary was acting a little strangely this evening?

Gary?

Who's Gary?

Lisa, promise me things won't get out of control.

Don't worry.

You're just having a few friends over.

I don't have any friends.

He doesn't.

Boy ain't lying.

You do now.

Hi.

Hi!

Hi!

Hi!

Party.!

Party.!

Party.!

Party.!

Standin' here by the window Starin' out at the night Gotta save me from troubles...

Oh, baby It's gonna work out fine You heard the sound of footsteps Swinging across the floor...

Ho!

How you doing?

Where's the bar?

Bar!

Do you think they'll embarrass us tonight?

Yeah.

Caviar?

If Max and Ian see her, it's over for us.

How's your stomach?

Better.

If you're gonna float an air biscuit, let me know.

Float a what?

If you fart, I'll hit the fan.

Sorry.

I suffer pain and discomfort due to occasional stomach upset.

We always talk about how great it would be if we went to parties.

Now it's our party, hundreds of people are having fun, and we're in the John.

You're as uptight as I am.

Nobody can be as uptight as you.

Your middle name is tense...

Wyatt "Tense Up" Donnely.

It's not that bad.

We can hear the music.

Maybe if we put our noses to the door, we can smell the food.

Hey, brother!

What's happening, my main man?

Right on!

Scotch.

Straight up?

Give me the whole bottle.

Bend over.

I'll shove it straight up your ass.

On the rocks is fine.

Ha ha ha ha!

Yeah, that's what I thought you'd say.

There she is.

You deal with the drinks.

I'll k*ll the girls.

I wonder if Lisa's having fun.

Lisa could have fun at an insurance seminar, Wyatt.

The thing that really galls me is that she's ours and we can't get close to her.

Hit the fan.

This is the best party I've ever been to.

It's great!

Whose house is this?

It's probably that girl with the English accent.

She doesn't have a zit on her whole body.

She has zero fat.

And she's so relaxed.

She burped and it was charming.

Uh, yeah.

The bathroom.

Ladies.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

I can't believe you.!

You're dropping wolfbait and chicks are outside.!

Light a match!

Light a fire!

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

We thought there were just girls in there.

It's just us dudes.

Why are you here?

Gary was just taking a sh*t.

I meant...

What are you doing at the party?

Oh, it's my house.

This is your party?

We like to do this once a week, throw little get-togethers.

Haven't you guys been by?

How did we miss these two?

So many people, so many parties.

So many parties.

You lose track.

Can I come in and check my face?

What's wrong with it?

Can we come in?

Come on in.

Sure.

Be our guests.

Thanks, guys.

We've seen you at school, but we've never met.

You're Hilly.

You're Deb.

Hi.

I'm Gary.

Hi, Gary.

What have you guys been doing...

I didn't know you guys had so many friends.

Neither did we.

Who's the girl with the accent?

I thought this was her party.

You mean the sensuous sex symbol type?

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's with us.

She's with...

you guys?

Come on, Lisa.

Why not?

Because I belong to Gary and Wyatt.

Did they make you in the garage with power tools?

Do they own you?

Control you?

Seriously.

Seriously.

They're toads.

Do I look like I'd go out with two toads?

You do.

Gary and Wyatt will force everyone to redefine their terms.

And you're completely loyal to them?

I do whatever they say.

Hi.

Could you excuse us for a minute, please?

No problem.

We'll be in here.

Okay, fine.

They're stoked for us.

Should we go for it?

What about Lisa?

She said we should party.

Let's score points with these two.

We'll deal with the mechanics later.

Sounds good.

Let's not hurt Lisa's feelings.

She wants a bone job from me.

Ready to party?

Let's break!

Those guys are weird, but they're kinda cute.

Hi.

Where did you two disappear to?

We were in the bathroom.

We were in the kitchen.

Eating.

Doing our hair.

Have you met Gary and Wyatt?

Yes.

No.

Sort of.

If you get the chance, shower with them.

I did.

It's a mind scrambler!

Oh, hurts so good.

She took a shower with them.

I have a wonderful idea, Henry.

After dinner, let's stop by and visit Wyatt.

He's alone at home tonight.

Doesn't he have anything to read?

I don't know, dear, but nothing's more important to a teenage boy than his grandparents.

We'll drop by.

Ha ha ha!

Yeah!

Woo!

I'd like to apologize for the Ice today at the mall.

It was very immature.

I'm sorry.

It was just, like, tomfoolery.

We are sorry.

It happened.

What's the deal with Lisa?

Can we borrow her?

We can't do that, guys.

Common decency prohibits us.

We can't.

It's not cool.

Well, she said it was cool.

We can't take advantage of her loyalties.

That's really selfish.

Just forget it, guys.

We can't do it, you know?

Come on.

Quit being pricks.

Hey, come on.

Regardless of what she may have told you, our feelings for Lisa run very deep.

So do ours for Deb and Hilly.

It's respect, the time you spent together.

You guys deserve them.

We want to make a deal with you.

Let us have a cr*ck at Lisa and Deb and Hilly are yours.

Can you guys keep a secret?

Sure.

A secret?

Look again.

It's Gary.

No, no.

It's our boy, Gary.

He's our I don't know what the hell you're talking about, Lucy.

I feel like an assh*le.

This had better work.

This is just the blueprint.

You like it?

Bigger tits.

Bigger tits.

Go, go, go, go!

Give him the knee sh**t.

What the hell's going on here?

Excuse me, Arthur.

It's Art.

Excuse me, Art.

Oh, sh*t.

Aah!

Weird Weird science Eddie and Grandpa are working on a new project.

They're working on a robot.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

What's going on?

Turn this thing off!

You'll love it!

I'm sh1tting in my pants!

Weird science Ooh Weird Ooh Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh weird science Ooh Ooh Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Whoa!

Aah!

Aah!

It worked.

You had to be big sh*ts, didn't you?

You had to show off.

People will like you for what you are, not for what you can give them.

In your race for power and glory, you forgot one small detail.

We forgot to hook up the doll.

You forgot to hook up the doll.

Something's going on here, Carmen.

I have a feeling we won't approve, Henry.

A m*ssile!

A m*ssile in my house, Gary!

This puppy's for real, all right.

It was an accident.

It happens...

Accident my ass, Gary!

My parents and Chet will freak out!

They'll sh*t egg rolls.

Get out!

Get out!

Scat!

Out!

Disgusting tramps!

You, you, you...

hosers!

Out!

Out!

Stop that!

You shouldn't walk into somebody's house and hit people with your hat.

This is my daughter's home.

Who are you?

I'm a close personal friend of your grandson's.

Henry, call the police.

I'll have you incarcerated.

Here's the deal...

Gary and Wyatt...

they created me on their computer.

I'm not going to listen to this baloney.

He doesn't stand for baloney.

Do you mind waiting?

I won't be a moment.

Have you ever?

Never.

Wyatt, your grandparents are downstairs.

Okay.

Thanks, Lis.

Lisa!

Yes?

Where are my grandparents?

Your kitchen is blue.

Want to try one?

Where are my grandparents?

They're all taken care of.

You're going to love this one.

Are they all right?

They're fine.

They're better than fine.

They're not aging anymore.

See?

They're smiling.

If any more of his relatives drop by, we'll be upstairs in the bathroom.

Those guys really need some self-confidence, a challenge...

Something that'll bring out their inner strength and courage.

I'm so bloody clever.

Now!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Aaah!

Arrggghhh!

Ha ha ha ha!

This Bud's for you.

Arrggghhh!

This party's lame, Max.

What about the girls?

Girls, shmirls.

Aaah!

Aaah!

Lisa.!

What's going on?

Aaah!

Arrggghhh!

Aaah!

Oh!

Oh!

Gary!

Gary, listen to me.

There are motorcycles in my house!

There are k*ller mutants in your house, okay?

Screw the house.

Screw the house.

Aaaaahhhh!

Ha ha ha ha!

Guys, you have uninvited guests.

Ask them to leave.

They're getting pretty rowdy.

Ha ha ha ha!

This is an excellent chance for you to prove your bravery and courage.

Those are outdated concepts.

Don't let John Wayne hear you say that.

The man is dead!

So are you if you don't deal with this situation.

No, thanks.

No, thanks.

Gary, do you feel like a chicken?

If I could sh**t an egg out my ass, I would.

Will all these people think we're cowards?

I don't know.

We can deal with shame.

Death is a much deeper issue.

Aah!

Aah!

Grrr.

We'll get you guys some drinks.

You look like a scotch man.

Arrggghhh!

Is this your party?

Uh...

well, kind of.

I don't know if you can call it a party.

It's, um, just a few friends.

How come two unpopular dicks like you is having a party?

I don't know.

Dicks sometimes do the weirdest things.

I don't know.

How would you like all your friends here to know that you wear a bra on your heads?

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha!

Tossed off into any good books lately, have we?

Ha ha ha ha!

You two can't even take a shower with a beautiful woman without wearing your jeans!

Ha ha ha ha!

You!

Come here!

Now!

Grrr.

Yah!

Ha ha ha ha!

Aah!

Oh!

Haaa!

Prepare to die, Wyatt.

I can't wait to die.

We're gonna kick...

ass.

Okay.

This is w*r.

Hands off the girls.

Leave the girls out of this.

Ha ha ha ha!

I said hands off!

Now.!

Ah...

ahh!

Hee hee hee hee!

Why don't you shut up, bitch?

And as for your ugly ass, you don't come into my friend's house with your f*gg*t friends, driving your motorbikes all over his floors, stinking up the place...

and you do stink.

You're going to let go of the girls and apologize to all these people.

Get on your bikes.

Pedal your ugly asses out of here.

Ha ha ha ha!

We're gentlemen, so we'll give you a choice.

You can leave in peace...

or you can stay and die.

Ugh!

The choice is yours.

Aaaahhhhh!

Get out of here.

Beg your pardon.

Your home is lovely.

Terribly sorry.

Call me.

We'll have lunch.

Can we keep this between us?

I'd hate to lose my teaching job.

God bless you.

I can't believe it.

Is everyone all right?

We're heroes.

We showed these guys down.

You and me saved all these people.

This could mean a guest sh*t on Phil Donahue.

This is exciting, man!

Where did you get that thing?

It's a squirt g*n.

Aah!

That's my boys.

Crimson morning skyline Whoa oh What a weird night, huh?

You really weren't afraid of those guys?

I was scared.

But what could I do?

I probably shouldn't ask too many questions about tonight.

Probably.

Since this is a night of weird sh*t, can I ask you something strange?

Would you kiss me?

What about Ian?

We all make mistakes.

Okay.

Where do you want it?

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

How do you feel about Lisa?

I love her.

That's what I figured.

But, uh...

it's definitely a different kind of love.

You know, it's more sisterly, like big sisters, like, kind of.

But she's so beautiful.

Yeah, she's really beautiful.

And her body is...

it's gorgeous.

It's a nice figure.

So...

I mean, what would I be compared to her?

Deb, Lisa is everything I ever wanted in a girl...

before I knew what I wanted.

I know that if I could do it again, I'd make her just like you.

Honest.

Dead honest.

I'm like...

I'm really honest when I say that.

I'm so very honest.

I mean that.

What the hell?

Ucch.!

That little bastard.

If my room's okay, I won't k*ll him.

I'll just hurt him real bad.

Freeze.

Chet!

Where's my brother?

Ow.

Uh...

I don't know.

You're dead meat, pilgrim.

Uh...

Chet, Chet, that's her nose.

She has nothing to do with it.

Okay.

You die.

She walks out of here with a severe limp.

I'll be back.

That's Wyatt's older brother, Chet.

He's an assh*le.

Oh, hi, Chet.

What the hell's going on around here?

Chet, it was an accident.

An accident?

Do you realize it's snowing in my room, g*dd*mn it?

Some weird sh*t happened, Chet.

It doesn't take a genius to figure that out, monkey d*ck.

Start talking.

Gary and I made a woman with the computer.

She went crazy and messed up the house.

Don't smart-mouth me, you sh*t!

Leave him alone.

This is a family matter, bimbo.

Chet, just let me find Lisa.

She'll clear everything up.

You can have my college money and my social security, Chet.

So you guys think you can fool me, huh?

Huh?

You've synched everybody to the same bullshit story.

This is a Pershing m*ssile, Chip.

My name is Chet.

And I didn't think it was a whale's d*ck, honey.

Hi, Nanny.

Hi, Grampy.

I'm not a moron.

I...

Was that my grandparents?

Are they dead?

No.

They're just resting.

What are they doing in here?

I put them in there.

They weren't having a very good time at the party.

Do you think they're having a good time catatonic in a closet?

Do you have any idea how disrespectful that is?

I wouldn't give a squirt of piss for your ass right now.

You guys get the girls home.

Wyatt, take the Porsche.

Gary, take the Ferrari.

The Ferrari?

I want to be alone with Chet.

Good to see you.

Get out of here!

Take your little hussies home!

I want to get to the bottom of this, A.SA.F.P.

Oh, so do I.

First, I'd like to butter your muffin.

Why must you be such a w*nk*r?

Because I get off on it.

I want you to keep your big mouth shut about everything that's happened here.

Treat Wyatt and Gary with dignity and respect.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Really.

I can be a real serious bitch...

if I don't get what I want.

Ooh.

Hit me with your best sh*t.

How fast are you going?

About 35.

Wait.

This can't be right.

Are you looking at the RPMs?

No.

I'm looking at about 50 tickets.

Bye!

This happens every time!

Oh, my.

Whew!

That was great!

You son of a bitch!

Al, Al!

Al, that was Gary!

Who is this Gary character?

I had a great time last night.

I'll probably be grounded for a month or so, but...

I'll wait for you.

Oh Mmph!

Mmm.

Whoa Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Hilly!

I love you!

All right!

I want to thank you for a great night.

Same here.

I have kind of a confession to make.

I'm really not this cool.

That's not my car.

This is not my suit.

Those people weren't my friends.

Why are you telling me all of this?

Because I want you to like me for what I am.

Whatever you are, I like it.

Whew!

Well, I'd better get going.

Wyatt and I still have to deal with Chet.

Quit screwing around!

This isn't funny, you stupid bitch!

Careful, Chet.

Don't make me angry.

Sorry.

That's better.

Turn me back to normal.

I haven't done anything to you.

You've done plenty to your brother.

Like what?

You've nagged him, harassed him...

Huh, me?

Supressed him, extorted money from him.

It was done out of love.

I should give you a set of elephant balls.

Heeagghh!

Promise me you'll leave Wyatt and Gary alone, and I'll change you back.

Oh, all right.

Shake on it, huh?

No, thanks.

I'd rather not.

Wait!

Where are you going?

I have to go and get changed.

What about me?

The effect will wear off, okay?

Well?

I'm in love.

Isn't it great?

The best.

I'll tell you what.

Things are turning around for us.

I mean it.

Okay, what about Lisa?

We'll have a talk with her.

Think she'll understand?

I think so.

I sure as hell wouldn't want to date you.

You're not my type.

Chet?

Chet?

Hi, dudes!

I'm sorry, Wyatt, for being a sh*t to you all these years.

And gee, I want you to know that...

I love you.

Blech!

Ha ha ha ha!

That's nasty, Wyatt.

That's Chet, Gary.

Hey, hey.

Mmm.

Mmm!

Oh, my God!

Lisa?

In here.

Lisa.

Yeah?

You saw Chet?

Yes, I did.

You're responsible?

Yes, I am.

Lisa, we can't have him like that.

It'd ruin Christmas.

He'll be fine in half an hour.

He won't spoil Christmas.

And he won't bug you anymore, either.

Um, Lisa, we have to have a talk with you.

What's on your mind?

I really don't know how to say this.

You guys found girlfriends, right?

Fell in love with two girls.

They fell in love with you.

That's all I ever wanted for you.

You're not hurt?

Yeah, sure I'm hurt.

But I wouldn't change it.

I'm really just getting off seeing you guys straightened out.

I have to go.

Oh.

I've had a wonderful time.

Lisa.

Bye.

Boys?

We're home!

Hi, Mr.

Donnely.

How are you?

Hi, honey.

Dad, hi.

No, no, no.

What did you guys do this weekend?

Not much.

Hung around the house.

Daddy thought you might throw a party or do something nutty.

Not us.

Not here.

No way.

No way.

Shh, shh, shh.

Okay.

Drop and give me 20.

She's alive Weird science Weird science Plastic tubes and pots and pans Bits and pieces And magic from our hands will make it Weird science Ooh Plastic tubes and pots and pans Bits and pieces and bits and pieces And bits and pieces It's my creation Is it real?

It's my creation Ooh, my creation It's my creation Weird Ooh Weird science Ooh Magic and technology Voodoo dolls and chants, electricity We're makin' weird science Fantasy and microchips Bits and pieces and bits and pieces And bits and pieces It's my creation Is it real?

It's my creation I do not know No hesitation No heart of gold Just flesh and blood I do not know, I do not know From my heart and from my hand Why don't people understand My intentions?

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh weird science Ooh Weird science Magic and technology Voodoo dolls and chants Weird science Things I've never seen before Behind bolted doors Whoa whoa whoa Weird science Ooh Weird Weird science Weird science Ooh Oh whoa whoa whoa Bits and pieces Bits and pieces and bits and pieces Weird science It's my creation Is it real?

It's my creation I do not know Ooh, my creation Is it real?

It's flesh and blood Just flesh and blood Weird science Weird science Weird science