01x05 - Chapter 5

[bunniefuu]

[♪ "U Don't Know"
by Jay-Z playing]

♪ Turn my music high ♪

-♪ High, high ♪
-♪ High, high ♪

-♪ High ♪
-♪ Higher ♪

♪ That's where you're wrong ♪

♪ I ♪

♪ f*ck ♪

Great track.

♪ One, two to the, snap,
Just Blaze ♪

Great track.

[♪ music ends]

[Jay-Z] Nice. Nice.

[Rick Rubin] Yeah.
What's that guy talking about?

[both laughing]

It's really about
achieving things in life,

put something on it.

-Yeah.
-It's like put a bet on it.

I'm gonna do it.

"I will not lose."

All these, like, affirmations
of, "We gonna make it."

You know, this is where
we come from, and it's like,

"I'm from the streets where
the hood could swallow 'em."

It paints the scene
of where we are

and then the things
that we can accomplish.

It's like Rocaw--
Rocawear, 18 months

and, you know,
"One million, two million,

three million, four,"
and, like,

really just having, like,
extraordinary success

from these circumstances

where very few people
make it out.

And it was really
just a spray of hope

for like, everyone that's in
those conditions to-- to see,

put something on it, like,
it's for sure gonna happen.

-Yeah.
-And there's no way to stop it.

And did you always see it
as you're paving the way

for others to follow?
Did it feel like that?

Oh, absolutely.
The whole thing is like,

"Young 'Vito,
voice of the young people,

mouthpiece for hustlers."
It's-- it's all there.

Like, you know, I was very
conscious of what I was saying

and what I was doing,
and the effect

that it could possibly have.

This time in particular was
a beautiful time for-- for us

at the label and the studio.

Kanye just being launched
and Just Blaze.

We-- Bink also.
Bink started the album,

and then Kanye
and Just Blaze was just like,

every day coming
back and forth, like,

Kanye come with a track,

and then Just will
come back with this.

This song was made
over a weekend.

This album was made--
nine songs by Monday.

Between people--
producers bringing in tracks

and you writing--
everybody writing everything

in the course of a weekend?

Nine songs,
pretty much the album.

Remember Juan, again,
he went to Miami on Friday.

-Yeah.
-He came back Monday
like, "What happened?"

-Album's done.
-Done.

Done and we'd, like,
tinker with things

for like the rest of the month.

But the-- Every song that was
done during that weekend,

i-it was U Don't Know,
Song Cry, Heart of the City.

"H to the Izzo,"
we had, but we--

it took-- it took
a minute to, like, finalize

-and, like, really nail in
the chorus and, like...
-Mm-hmm.

...you know,
put a female's voice under.

Like, it was something that
was just-- wasn't big enough.

But the song was the song.
You already had the song.

-Yeah, the song was there.
-It was just additional
production

-to take it all the way
to the best record.
-Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Is there ever a time when you
hear a beat that you like...

and can't crack
what you're gonna do with it?

Yeah, definitely.
A year for Forever Young.

And still I never--
when I listen to the song,

I still didn't crack it
the way I wanted to.

It was such a beautiful track

and the way, like,
those trap drums

was over that... [vocalizing]
...that Alphaville sample.

[singing melody]

And the way those drums
is, like, going, it was...

it was-- the juxtaposition
was so interesting for me

that I was trying to find
something really special.

-I knew what I wanted to say.
-Mm.

But I wanted to find,
you know, a special way

to my-- with my performance.

I've never-- I never cracked it.

Like, still, to this day,

when I hear the song,
I'm like... [groaning]

We won't listen to that one
based on that.

-[both chuckle]
-No, it's fine.

-[♪ music stops abruptly]
-[Jay-Z chuckles]

Yeah, just the flow is so good,
and you can hear

-the confidence.
-Yeah, "You don't know."
"Sure, I do."

-[both chuckle]
-Yeah.

"This ain't a sewn outfit,
holmes, holmes is about it,"

'cause they say you cut
from a different cloth.

-Ah.
-You know, that line,

like you cut
from a special cloth.

-Yeah.
-You know, so the metaphor
of clothing was like,

"This ain't a Dap-- this ain't
sewn outfit, holmes, holm--"

-This like-- this is real.
-Yeah.

This is not like a-- a façade.

-Yeah.
-Was pretty much
the metaphor in that.

"One slip, you are now gone.

"Welcome to hell
where you are welcome to sell.

When them shells come,
you better return 'em."

Your reputation
being everything, right?

If you became prey, food,

um, you was--
you wasn't gonna make it.

"When them shells come,
you better return 'em.

All scars, we earn 'em.
All cars, we learn 'em."

We gotta know the neighborhood.
Like, we know when someone's,

you know, not from
that neighborhood
has entered the neighborhood.

Oh, that's what it means.
I thought it meant
something different.

-What you thought--
-I thought you was talking
about being able to drive a--

drive a car in any situation,

like learning the situation
to be able to move.

That works, by the way.
It works within the song

-in the frame of song.
-Yeah, that's what
I thought it meant

-when I was reading them.
-Yeah. Yeah, because
the next line

says, "We watch for cops
hopping out the back of vans."

-Yeah.
-You know what I mean?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-The Same thing, but you--

-the intention--
-No, but I like that.

-It's nice when they have--
-Multiple layers.

Yeah. "I am a hustler, baby.
I sell water to a whale."

It's-- it was like, for years,
it's this whole thing.

"Is he saying well or whale?"

-Yeah.
-'Cause they both work,

and then, obviously,
I'm saying both.

You know, my--
my job as a writer--

well, not my job.
My joy as a writer

is to try to make things work
on multiple levels.

I spend more time
trying to, like, say,

"Okay, this works one way,
but what if it could work,

you know, three or four ways?"

Do you ever have the experience
where you come back to a song

and realize that it means
something different

than when you wrote it?

Like, do you have
a new insight about it?

And it happened like that.
[chuckles]

Like-- like, something
that works both ways.

-Yeah.
-And it's like, "Oh, wow."

-It means something else.
-Yeah.

-And it can even surprise you.
-Yeah, exactly.

It's the beauty of the open
nature of the poetic language.

-Mm-hmm.
-Is it really is open
to interpretation.

-Mm.
-And we all get to have

-our own experience of it.
-Yeah.

I don't know what's better,
you know, explaining it

or letting people have
that experience.

Yeah, well, I think
they're gonna have
the experience either way.

-Yeah.
-And the beauty of explaining it

is if they already had
the experience...

then they get,
"Oh, it could be this also."

-Right.
-You know?

-Yeah.
-No one's gonna tell you

that the way
you've been knowing it

-your whole life is wrong.
-Right. That's right.

-It's that, too.
-That's right.

-You know?
-Yeah, in addition to.

Yeah, and you can say,
"This is what I was thinking

-when I wrote it, but..."
-Right.

"You know, you get
to interpret it how you feel."

It just actually happened.

-Yeah!
-Yeah. [chuckles]

[♪ "Politics as Usual" playing]

♪ You know how we do ♪

♪ Roc-a-Fella ♪

-Mm.
-♪ Forever ♪

[♪ music stops abruptly]

[Jay-Z] Each hood
has their own set of politics.

If you ain't of
a certain stature,

you can't bring anybody
to the hood,

you know,
that people don't know.

-Like, you ain't got that
stature to bring someone.
-I see.

So, if you're respected,
you could bring
other people around.

-Exactly.
-But if you're not...

It's gonna be a problem.

Because we wouldn't
trust the people...

-Exactly.
-...to bring the right
people around.

-Exactly.
-And it's dangerous.

-Exactly.
-It's a method of protection.

Yes, and it really
makes sense, right?

-Absolutely.
-Like, on-- on a certain level.

I didn't grow up
in the situation
that you grew up in

and I can imagine exactly
the same example in my life.

-Yeah.
-It may not be based
on a protection thing,

but there's definitely
some sense of what's cool

-and what's not cool.
-Right.

A-And it extends,
like LA-- LA g*ng cultures

is a whole
different set of politics.

You know, you gotta--
you gotta fight someone

if you DP'd, I guess
it's called discipline.

If-- if you-- an infraction,

you gotta have
a one-on-one fight.

It's so many different,
like, hood politics.

So, that was pretty much
the-- the canvas.

-Mm-hmm.
-I think I said it
in a song with-- with you,

a song that we didn't put out,
that had a strong verse.

-♪ I got so much trouble
on my mind ♪
-Yeah.

♪ Refuse to lose,
my nephews need new shoes ♪

♪ And I chew food like it's
going out of style, so blaow ♪

♪ Take that four-way back,
I'm always strapped ♪

-I can't believe
you remember that.
-♪ Like Nike Airs ♪

♪ It's right here under
the belt with one in the hand ♪

♪ Nothing can stop me,
I'm wanted with the Fed ♪

♪ Anybody k*ller
for anybody realer ♪

♪ Anybody out there
know anybody realer ♪

♪ Any amount of hunger
make any n*gga a dealer ♪

♪ That's why in any hood,
they feel us ♪

♪ I don't walk around with
a g*n 'cause it's in style ♪

♪ I walk around with one
'cause I ain't trying
to miss my child ♪

-Yeah.
-♪ Till my unborn son
is brung ♪

Obviously, yes,
you want material things.

But part of it is--
is this is the situation

that our neighborhood is in.

Whether through
systematic whatever...

this is what we're--
these are the set of--

-It's the reality.
-These are the onsets
that were set,

and this is the reality
that we're in,

and this is what we're doing.

You know, another--
you know, that saying,

like, "You think I love
to hustle behind the wheel?

I'm trying to escape
my troubles," you know?

And then, fighting with
that other side, that pulling,

you know, the things that
are tangible, that are shiny.

"Can't stop the greed in me.
I'm talking suite to keys.

"Cursing the very God
that brought this grief to be.

"My life is based on sacrifices,
jewels like !sis,

and fools that think I slip."

These are all the things that
you-- you gotta contend with.

"You mess around,
you get your guys hit.

They built me to be filthy
on some I-do-or-die."

Like, everybody like-- you know,
I'm from Bedford-Stuyvesant.

-Bed-Stuy, do or die,
that was like--
-Yeah.

-That was the mantra...
-Yeah.

...in our name,
"Bed-Stuy, do..."

-[both] "...or die."
-And you say, "They built me."

-Yeah.
-You're talking about,

-you're not-- you're not
choosing it.
-Yeah.

-"They built me for this."
-Yes.

-You didn't really
have a choice.
-That's right.

And the thing that I've heard
people say about rap

is that it glorifies violence
or it glorifies gangster life.

When in reality, what it's doing
is it's acknowledging it.

-That's right.
-Like, I listen to your words.

It's not reveling in it.

-It's acknowledging...
-That's right.

..."This is what it is."

-That's right.
-"And this is my way of managing

-the life that's before me."
-Right.

If it was just glorification,
it wouldn't be as sticky.

-It wouldn't be as strong.
-Yeah.

The reason why rap
is so loved around the world

is because that feeling
of that underdog...

who's in this situation.

You know,
from the beginning of time,

it was, you had to be
a blue blood...

or you were no one.

Even if you made money
you was considered,

like, beneath,
you're not of the royal family.

And then, as time went on,

you start respecting
the businessman,

someone who pulled themselves up
from the bootstraps.

-Yes.
-Rap says, "I'm poor.

"I have nothing.

"We-- we have food stamps.

"We had cereal
for dinner last night.

"We didn't have anything...

"today.

"But tomorrow...

-"But tomorrow...
-Yeah.

"...it won't be like this,
because I'm gonna do

this, this, this,
this, and that."

And that resonated
to the world like,

"Oh. Oh, I can be
something tomorrow.

"Like, I'm not looked down on

that I can't ever make it up out
of this situation that I'm in."

And that message
is worldwide message,

and it resonates with people
because it's so real.

And the more detailed
of the internal struggle...

that's what I believe...

that I brought on this album
in particular, Reasonable Doubt.

It was like not just
the-- the cars.

You hear the cars,
you see the leathers,

and you hear--
you might hear the cars,

but take a deeper listen.

It's-- it's like, "My life
is based on sacrifices."

It's like you feel the pain,
and the angst...

-Always.
-...and, like, the paranoia.

Yes.

"And fools that think I slip."

I'm always thinking about that.

That's a-- that's taxing
to the brain.

-Absolutely.
-They like to wake up

and think, and--
think every day.

You know, some guys don't smile.

Don't wanna show any weakness.

Smiling is a weakness.

Saying you love someone,
that's a weakness.

-Yeah.
-That's a weakness
that can get you k*lled.

So, y-you grow up internalizing
all these feelings.

"Hey, man, I love you, man."

"Love, my-- l-love, man, love."

-They won't say
"I love you" back.
-Yeah.

You say "I love you"
to some-- a guy.

"Yo, I love you, bro."
He's like, "Love, love."

Distant.

-Yeah.
-Yeah, protected.

-Protected.
-Protected.

Protected.

Can you tell me this verse?

This, uh... oh.

"I took my Frito
to Tito's in the district."

Tito was the first jeweler
before Jacob.

They're like, the first,
like, really popular--

but even more so, his run

extended to, like,
the dope dealers,

Tito-- and he caught
the rappers at the end.

Jacob pretty much
caught, like...

mostly rappers.
Some drug dealers.

And Frito's is cheese is money.

I took my Frito to che-- yeah.

"I took my Frito
to Tito in the district,

blessed me with some
VS something--"

some clarity diamonds--
"I could live with.

"Stop fronting.
And for this dough I raised,

gotta get sh*t appraised."

Like, I don't even trust
the jeweler.

There's no trust anywhere.

Like, for the dough
that I gave you,

I'm gonna get the papers,
I'm gonna take the papers

and I'm gonna get it
appraised and make sure
you gave me the right...

clarity for what y'all paid for.

"No disrespect to you."

-Yes.
-"Just make sure
your word is true."

-It's deep.
-Yeah.

-The-- the relationship...
-Yes.

...between us, you know,
is not one of trust.

It's not-- it's just like,
it's transactional

in a way that's like--
and that's the--

again, the paranoia comes in,
that it's everywhere.

-Yeah.
-It's not just the streets.

-Yeah.
-It's with everywhere.

Well, you have no example
of it anywhere.

The only relationships
are transactional,

maybe with the exception
of your mom.

That's right.

"I'm taking wages down in Vegas
just in case Tyson

have a major night off."
This is before the--

-Buster Douglas. Yeah.
-Buster Douglas.

It wasn't necessarily
about Tyson and him losing.

We loved Tyson,
Tyson from Brooklyn.

-We always wanted him to win.
-Mm-hmm.

But it was like,
what are the ways?

Just showing you
the ingenuity of the--

of how we thinking of ways
to clean the money.

-Mm-hmm.
-"Just in case Tyson
have a major night off,

"that's clean money,
the tax write-off.

"You ain't seen money
in your life.

When it comes to this cheese,
y'all like Three Blind Mice."

It's like, to other guys,
again, it was always
this underlying thing.

Like, y'all players,
but y'all not really players.

-Yeah.
-Y'all not thinking
about it like this.

"When it comes to this cheese,
y'all like Three Blind Mice."

You know, again,
separating yourself.

Almost like the clothes you wear
or the jewelry that you choose,

or when Run-DMC
came with the leather,

they were separating themself.

"Yeah, y'all cool.
We're rock stars."

That was a real change.

I remember when Run-DMC
came along,

-everything changed.
-Everything changed.

'Cause before that,
everybody looked

essentially like the R&B people
who came before.

-That's right.
-You know, leather suits.

-Yeah.
-But you might've seen somebody

in a leather suit
in a vocal group before that.

-That's right.
-It just looked ordinary.

People don't understand
why Grandmaster Flash

-and them were
dressed like that.
-They were dressed

more like Parliament-Funkadelic.

-Exactly, they were emulating--
-Essentially.

That was the success
in their eyes.

-Yes.
-Success in their eyes

was those R&B stars.

Like, Dre's first album,
he had like a sequin shirt on.

It was like,
why is he dressed like that?

He was emulating
someone else's success.

-Exactly.
-Whereas Run-DMC were the first,

were like,
"This is what success--

-hip-hop success looks like."
-Exactly.

-And it was revolutionary.
-Exactly.

And then it went from there
like, "Oh, I could just wear

"sneakers with no laces,
a t-shirt,

hat, Kangol, bah, bah, bah."

And then, everyone put
their own spin on it.

They-- they separated
themselves.

Again, that separation
is what I'm speaking about.

-Mm.
-"Three Blind Mice.

I'm smoking bros
who pump Willie."

Willie was-- we would use
as, like, a big Willie.

-Yeah.
-Meaning like a-- a kingpin

or-- or, you know, someone
at the top of the game.

So, I was always,
"you pump Willie,"

meaning you pump-fake,
like you were faking Willie.

-Mm-hmm.
-You pu-- you was faking like
you bigger than what you are.

-"Smoking bros--"
-Oh, "pump" means fake?

-Yeah, like a pump-fake, yeah.
-I didn't know that.

"You feel a triumph,
Never feel my pain."

Even like we were talking about,
you hear the things

about jewelry and Frito to Tito.
You feel my triumph.

-Never feel my pain.
-You don't see the dark side.

-You don't see--
-You only see...

Exactly. "You feel my triumph,
never feel my pain.

I'm lying low in these leathers.
I am--"

-That phrasing, "I'm lying low."
-Yeah. Yeah. [chuckles]

-That's so good.
-And, you know, again,

just all these eternal feelings

about what comes
with this lifestyle

and what comes with growing up,
how I grew up.

So, before hip-hop...

all we saw were the cars.

-Exactly.
-And the clothing
and the jewelry.

-Mm-hmm.
-That's all we knew.

-Yeah.
-Unless you happen

to, you know, get into trouble.

-Right.
-But this way,

we get to actually experience
the whole world.

-That's what was happening.
-Yeah.

That's why people
were listening.

That's why it hit 'em somewhere.

'Cause it's like,
"I'm lying low in the leathers.

They do feel my triumph."

I've had guys, just roughest,
toughest guys

from every neighborhood
come with, like,

almost like tears
in their eyes.

-From the words.
-"Thank you."

-[softly] Yeah. Yeah.
-"Man, you don't understand.

"Like, you speaking for us.
You speak to me.

"I'm looking around
my room sometimes.

"I listen to your music, like...

"How-- he in my house?
Like, how does he know...

-what's-- what's happening
right here?"
-Whoa.

-That's incredible.
-You know, it's just like,
beautiful feeling.

Yeah, when someone
who really understands

-what you're talking about...
-Mm-hmm.

...acknowledges it,
it's a big deal.

-That's the Grammy.
-Yeah.

-That's a Grammy, it's like...
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, with real emotion.

-Yeah.
-Because I know

what it took for that person...

-To say it.
-...to say that.

This is a person
who trained their whole life

to show nothing.

Exactly. Their whole life,

trained to show no emotion.
No emotion.

-Can't read 'em.
-Can't read 'em.

Coming up and saying that.

I was, uh, doing a show,

and these was the days
you would do a show in the club

and stay at-- at the bar
and just hang out in the club.

I do the show in Brooklyn,

get off the stage
and I'm, like, I'm by the bar.

And this guy, like, he's
walking towards me.

And he's, like, looking at me,
and he's looking at me like...

And I'm looking like...

Okay, I don't know this guy.

No, we don't have any problem,

but he's looking like
he wants to k*ll me.

And he's walking towards me.

I'm looking.
I'm looking around.

So now, I'm looking around
to say,

"Okay, there's a bottle
right there and, you know.

With my guys over there," like,
I'm assessing the situation.

-Mm-hmm.
-But just something about it.

Like, I'm just-- I keep
just staring at him

and he's coming straight to me.

This is something.

He had a big scar on his face,
you know.

"We earn our scars,"
what-- what song was that?

We said--
oh, that was the last one.

"All scars, we earn 'em."

-Yeah.
-"All cars--" you don't know.

Big scar on his face, "wap."

-And you know he earned it.
-I know he earned it.

-[chuckles]
-I know he's very serious

and he's not playing.

And he's walking to me
and he's like...

[growling] Like a panther.

And I say, "What's up, man?"

And he's-- just like
you just did.

The biggest bright teeth,
straight teeth,

beautiful smile,
the best smile ever.

He's like, "Yo man, let me get
an autograph for my daughter."

Wow.

But because of that--

like what we're talking about,
that armor,

he had to protect himself.

He put himself
in such a place...

that he was like--
I know in his mind,

even he was thinking,
"If he plays me,"

like if I told him,
"Get the f*ck outta here,
no autograph."

-Well, I'd have been like
an as*h*le artist.
-Yeah.

We would've had
a problem in there.

Because somehow,
for his daughter...

-Yes.
-...like you would do
for your kids...

-Yes.
-...you're like...

He's gonna overcome

-not wanting to go up to you.
-"I don't wanna--
I'm not doing that.

"But, you know, I play
the music in the house,

"and now my--
my daughter loves it

-'cause I'm playing it, right?"
Obviously.
-Yeah.

That ain't-- Reasonable Doubt
is not children music.

It comes from him.
So, he's been playing the song,

she likes the song, and now
he's going to get this autograph

from this guy he don't know,
only knows the perception of...

-Yeah.
-...a guy saying,
"You pump Willies."

You know, there's parts of it,
it's like...

-Confrontational.
-You could take offense to it.

-Absolutely.
-I'm pumping Willie.

I hope he don't think
I'm a fraud.

Like, he's playing those guys.

-He ain't talking
to me like that.
-Yeah.

The fact that I just said,
"What's up, man?"

-Yeah.
-Just broke everything.

-"Pssh."
-Beautiful.

And I know, you know,
even when sometimes they--

people say hello to you
because of the way,

you know, they feel inside,
it's such a heavy burden,

and, like, you've gotta
get over that.

It's just like, "What's up?"

And it's like,
I know you like me.

But that's kinda rude

to come to you
and then, like, turn away.

They don't even look at you
to say what's up.

You know, "What's up, man?"

It's like, why'd you come
to say hello?

-Yeah.
-But it's-- again,

again, it's another
form of protection.

When we're put in situations
that are unusual...

often we act in ways that are,
I'll say, uh,

-don't exactly make sense,
even to us.
-Mm-hmm.

-It's hard being human.
In all sit--
-That's right.

-In general, it's hard.
-That's right.

Politics, back to that, right?
The politics of the situation.

The politics
of how to treat people.

-Mm-hmm.
-You know, it determines

the outcome of-- of situations.

Hey!

[laughing]

[♪ "Regrets" playing]

♪ This is the number one rule
for your set ♪

♪ In order to survive, gotta
learn to live with regrets ♪

-[♪ music stops abruptly]
-You know, my mom
told me early on,

"You could do
anything you want."

I didn't know it was like
a saying that people say.

-Yeah.
-I thought it came
from her mouth.

That's how powerful
her words were to me...

-Yes.
-...that I thought
she was the first person

-to ever say that. [chuckles]
-Yeah.

And that she was saying
that to me.

-Yes.
-So, "When I was young,
you used to hold me,

"tell me I was the best.

"Anything in this li--
this world I want,

"I could possess.

All that made me want
is all that I could get."

So now, I wanna--
now I have to do it

'cause I wanna prove her right.

-Yeah.
-There's no way
I was gonna be stopped.

No way, because just 'cause
of that saying.

The second thing
I think about this song,

like, the idea of, imagine that.

You know, someone's--
we were talking

about the characters in it,
not just the main person.

Like, all the people
getting hurt.

Like, you send someone out
to do a deed for you

and they get caught.
[patting table]

First of all, that feeling,
I've been through that feeling.

Like, first of all, you're like,
"No, I got it. No, no, I'm--"

you know,
'cause you know the time.

Supposed to be there at 2:30.

It's 3:30. Now, it's 4:30.

-Now, it's like, oh, come on.
-Something's wrong.

I remember one night,
something like that happened,

and I was sitting on the floor.

Like, no, I was--
my knees was on the floor

and I was on the bed.

And, like, my heart was just
racing and I was just like...

You know, I put someone
in that position,

and they didn't come back.
They got caught.

Yeah.

"Phone in my hand, nervous,
confined to a corner."

That feeling came from that.

You know, "Awaiting call
from his kin, not the coroner."

But hope-- first of all,
hope you're not dead.

You know, like,
what's the information on this?

-Like, what's happening?
-Yes.

That feeling
in that moment is wild.

You know?
And then, that happens

and then you continue.
[chuckles]

It's like, "you gotta learn
to live with regrets,"
and it's like...

-Yeah, gotta keep going.
-"...if through our travels,
we get separated..."

-Yeah.
-"...never forget in order
to survive," you know.

Hm.
You're burying these things too.

And I don't know
if we're burying 'em properly.
Most times, we're not.

-No.
-Most times we're not.

-Yeah.
-Like, you know, someone dies.

Like I said,
I was telling you yesterday,

I was naming five guys

that didn't live
to be 21 years old...

-Yeah.
-...that's like
in our immediate circle.

You know, I had a picture, like,
you know, from Marcy,

and it was like 12 people
in the picture.

Nine of 'em were gone.

-And that's just normal.
-Yeah.

Are you sad? Yeah, but...

a lot of time you're continuing
without properly mourning.

You can't.

When? When-- no space for that.

-Yeah.
-Go to the funeral and you--

next day you back out
on the block.

Life goes on.

It also teaches you to live
in the moment,

because there may not
be another moment.

"Damn, I was just
with him yesterday!"

-Yeah.
-I put that phrase in there.

We talked about, like,
I say that-- a little phrase,

and it says so much.

We talked about, like,
with movies informing that.

It's-- there are lines
that work the same way

in the writing where it's like,
I know people

-say this line all the time.
-Absolutely.

-"Damn, I was just with him--"
-"I just saw him yesterday."

-Yeah, just with him yesterday.
-Just with him yesterday.

We just burying these things
and moving on,

burying 'em, burying 'em,
burying 'em inside,

and, you know.

It's sad, it makes me
sad actually, this song.

-It's sad.
-When I wrote it, I felt...

I felt like it was, uh...

I felt-- I felt like
the-- the vulnerability in it...

made me happy,

you know, that I could--
I can reach that space.

-Yes.
-Remember, I'm not talking--

This is '96, so this--
so I guess I'm--

I guess I'm relieved
to get it out.

That's-- I-- I guess I'm just
relieved to get it out.

-Yeah.
-But when I hear it now,
it's like...

it's-- the mood of it
changed for me.

There's a part of it where
you're not so much
living this story.

-Yeah, that's true. Very true.
-You're doing a puzzle.

-That's true.
-And it feels good

-to solve a puzzle.
-Right, yes. Yes, yes.

-So, you're solving the puzzle
as you're going.
-Yes.

It's like, "Oh, this works,
this works."

-Yeah.
-"This is real, this works."

-Yeah.
-But the "this is real"
part of it

is you're not living
the story...

-Mm-hmm.
-...so much as...

-Creating it.
-Creating it.

-Yeah.
-And that's a whole
different part of the brain.

-Yeah, yes.
-But now, when we listen
to it today,

you could just feel what it is.

-Yeah.
-And it's sad.

And it's funny how 4:44
worked opposite way.

-Yes. Yeah.
-Yeah. [chuckles]

And today, I can hear
the creativity.

Yes.

-Yes.
-[chuckles] It's like
the opposite of this.

-Yes.
-Wow, that's-- that's strange.

-Yeah.
-Not strange, that's...

-Yeah.
-It's amazing.

-Amazing.
-Yeah.

Anything in this verse?
Second verse?

What's that,
"the earth is turning."

Oh, so this whole verse was me

speaking to someone
who passed away.

"As this earth is turning,

"soul's burning
in search of higher learning.

"Turning in every direction,
seeking direction.

"My mom's crying 'cause
her insides are dying.

"Her son trying her patience,
keep her heart racing.

A million beats per minute."

I said "a minute."
I wish I said "per."

-[chuckles]
-"A million beats a minute.

"I know I push you to the limit,

"but it's this game love,
I'm caught up all in it.

"They make it
so you can't prevent it.

"Never give it,
you gotta take it.

"You can't fake it.
I keep it authentic.

"My hand got this p*stol shaking

"'cause I sense danger
like Camp Crystal Lake and...

"Don't want to sh**t him,
but I got him trapped

within this infrared dot about
to hot him and hit rock bottom."

You know how many friends,
like, get into conflict

and now you-- you gotta--
you gotta sh**t your friend.

Like, you have a w*r.
These-- these people,

when people say-- talk about ops
and spinning a block,

you know, currently, now,

that's-- that's like the most
popular thing.

You know, "I got ops and
I'm spinning a block on 'em,"

meaning pulling up on a block
to confront them.

And it's like the block
is one block away. [chuckles]

This is not a block
on the other side of town.

This is where you live,
these people you went
to school with,

you went to high school
with 'em.

-Yeah.
-And y'all are now in a beef.

You don't want
to harm your friend,

you know, but it's the way
the rules are set up

and the way the thing,
you're protecting the block

or you're protecting something,
or your thing,

or some ego got out the way,

or some infraction
that can't be forgive

because it'll put a stain
on your reputation.

You don't wanna sh**t
your friend.

Don't wanna strap,
"but I got him

"trapped within
this infrared dot

about to hot him
and hit rock bottom."

You know where
you're going from that.

You're talking about you
hitting rock bottom.

Yeah, not him.

-No!
-Yeah. [chuckles]

Um, "no answers to these
trick questions."

What do you do
in that situation?

You can't let the infraction go.

-No way out.
-I've had beef with my friends.

-Yeah.
-I've had problems
with my friend.

I've had a friend
sh**t at me three times.

Dead Presidents,
"Three shots close range,
never touched me.

Divine intervention."
I don't know how he missed me.

-We were this close.
-Wow.

-We were talking like this.
-Wow.

"Three shots close range,

never touched me.
Divine intervention."

You know, it's like, "No answers
to these trick questions.

No time."
Can't even think
about the answer.

"sh*t's stressing.
My life found I gotta live

"for the right now.
Time waits for no man.

Can't turn back the hands
once it's too late."

If you go through with it...

the deed is done,
and it's done forever.

-Yeah.
-"Can't turn back the hand
once it's too late.

Gotta learn to live
with regrets."

Do you feel like in life
you live with many regrets?

Um...

I'm in a place where
I'm more so like...

things happen.

You try to learn
and you try to do better.

I would say I've had more--
more of those feelings.

-Mm-hmm.
-I wanna do better.

-Mm-hmm.
-Be a better person,
be a-- be a better friend,

-be a better, you know.
-Mm-hmm.

Be a better human being

-than stewing over something.
-Yeah.

You know, only-- only think
about, um, the past...

as a way to correct,
as a form of correction.

-Mm-hmm.
-Not-- not sitting around
having regrets.

-I don't-- I don't have
many regrets.
-Yeah.

You know. It's life.

[Rick] Yeah.

[♪ "g*ns & Roses" playing]

♪ Come on, unh ♪

♪ Ay yo, stop playing, man ♪

♪ This is real serious, huh,
it's the Roc ♪

♪ Yeah, yo, let's go ♪

♪ Post Positano,
Hov' hanging with Bono ♪

♪ U2 can live like
Salvatore Ferragamo ♪

♪ And you two can cool out
poolside at the Delano ♪

♪ If you too flow like
you was out of your mind, yo ♪

♪ 'Cause who knew dude
that loved apple pies
from McDonald's ♪

♪ Would soon be the boss
of the Big Apple, ya know ♪

♪ And who knew dude
that played ball for the NBA ♪

♪ Would make a mistake on
the who knew estates,
throw it away ♪

♪ Who knew
that'd be his last shot,
who drew up that play ♪

♪ They giveth and they taketh,
life is cruel that way ♪

♪ But even a broken clock
is right at least
two times a day ♪

♪ You could have turned
g*ns into roses
like two times today ♪

♪ Now here's something you
gotta say two times to Jay ♪

♪ I got my shades on waiting
for the sun to shine my way ♪

♪ Got my boombox, suntan
lotion, waiting for action ♪

♪ They say when you play
with skills ♪

♪ Good luck could happen,
let's go ♪

♪ Come on, it's the Roc ♪

♪ Come on, it's the Roc ♪

♪ Come on, it's the Roc ♪

♪ Come on, let's rock,
come on ♪

♪ Things got too hot
so I jumped off
in this rap sh*t ♪

♪ You got it criss-crossed,
ain't no turning me backwards ♪