01x02 - Episode 2

[bunniefuu]

-[chattering]
-[Coleen] Wayne, in the middle.

-What?
-[Coleen] I'm thinking in the middle.

-[producer] Are you all right to sit...
-Yeah.

[Klay] Okay. Yeah.

-[producer] You all right?
-Who's that? You sit this end.

[chuckling] Hey!

Yeah, Col, get him some new socks.
You can't come in with that.

[Coleen] He's just put Klay's on.
They were Klay's.

You should be ready.
Should have your mic on, everything ready.

So we walk in
and you're just sat here, waiting.

[Coleen] Now, with Wayne back home,
this house is definitely hectic.

Klay, you come here.

-It's a madhouse.
-What are you on about?

[Coleen] I'm swapping Kai with Klay.

-You get next to me, Kai get on the end.
-[Kit] Yeah, okay.

-And you in the middle.
-I know. I'm getting in there.

-So, what am I doing? Oh, my God.
-[Coleen] You get next to... There you go.

At the end of the day, it's on me to
juggle everything and manage the chaos.

-Well, I don't wanna sit next to Cass.
-[kids giggle]

[Coleen] But it's impossible at times.

[♪ Energetic music playing]

[kids laughing]

[Coleen] Wayne, he is a good dad.

But I would say he's probably
a bit more carefree and a bit careless.

-[producer] What you cooking?
-Bolognese for the kids.

-[fire alarm ringing]
-[Coleen] Oh, that's burning.

It could cause a few arguments,
yeah. [chuckling]

What have you done?

He's not great at cooking.

He don't cook nothing good.

-[producer] What does your Dad make you?
-Cereal.

Just, like, Pot Noodles.

[Wayne] Me and Coleen,
we've got different personalities.

I think that's why we work.

But she finds it hard to relax.

And she won't sit down at all.

Morning, it's Coleen Rooney.

[Wayne] She couldn't be the way I am.

Perfect timing as well.

The Chase is on.

If she was, we'd all be in trouble.

Do you like it when Dad
does the school run?

Yeah. Yeah. Better than you.

Why, what's he do differently?

The songs you put on
is "lick my salty ba*ls."

Lick my salty ba*ls.

Who is it? The Chef, um, from South Park.

We put it on and blast it outside
the school with the windows down.

[Coleen] What's this been, the last week?

I'm back doing the school run.

Where's Dad? Is he not getting up?

Wayne's in bed. Yeah.
So he's still in bed.

[laughs] Can't say much more.

You can't always rely on Wayne.

So, I organise... [sighs]

Mostly everything.

You know, it's really annoying.

I've always done... Like,
I've learnt the kids to swim, learnt...

-Well, you got a swim teacher in.
-It wasn't...

-That was a water... That was to get them...
-[laughing]

See, he doesn't give me any credit
for anything like this.

-You got a swim teacher...
-Just 'cause you can't swim.

Coleen's not used to having him around,
so I'm sure she thinks,

"Oh, my God,
this is not how I imagined it."

[Coleen's mother] You see
how them uniforms are set out?

No one can do it
as good as Coleen. [laughs]

[friend] Wayne would
more than happily sit at home,

in his tracksuit,
take the day a bit slowly.

Whereas she is up at the crack of dawn,
doing squats in the shower.

[Coleen] Okay.

He's been away quite a lot, and now...

Well, we haven't spoke for four days,
have we, Coleen?

[laughs]

Um, it's the first time
I've spoke to her for four days.

[laughing]

[Coleen] I'm hoping a break
will help us reconnect.

A really nice weekend away for us
to have some time together.

[coughs]

That's if I don't k*ll him first.

[Coleen] My mum and dad have
come round to look after the kids

because me and Wayne
are heading to Scotland.

Relationship wise, I'm having
a bit of a hard time with Wayne.

We need a break.

Hey, love. You all right?

The boys enjoy
being with their grandparents,

and they don't mind
us going away for a few days.

-[producer] Wayne's mother-in-law.
-I am, yes. Aren't I lucky?

[both chuckle]

What does Nan do? Sit on the couch?

That's what... all she does.

Come on, you ready for action? Good lad.

[producer] When your nan and granddad
come over, what's that like?

They're just, like, a bit, like, clueless.
So, it's better.

I've gotta get me leg over.
This could get...

[laughing]

My dad, Tony,
is the life and soul of the family.

He is the best entertainment.

[Tony] Mate, you all right?

[Coleen] Me dad's the active one.

Tony's... You know,
the kids absolutely love him.

Oh, oh...

Yes!

Don't know where he gets his energy from.

Oh!

You know, he's non-stop the whole day.

Don't know how he does it.

[kids shouting, laughing]

[producer] Granddad, what's he like?

-He's a GOAT.
-Yeah.

Hey. Ah, ah!

[Coleen] Me mum and dad,
I would be lost without them.

-Oh, lovely.
-[chuckles]

All their homework's done.
We got that done yesterday.

If you can just do
a little bit of reading with Cass.

[Colette] So everything's sorted, is it?

[Coleen] Life suddenly got pretty hectic.

Hopefully, people love it
and wanna buy it.

I was designing
a new range of clothes for Primark.

It's a busy year ahead.

Coleen needs to deliver.

Wayne has landed himself a spot
on Match of the Day.

It's gonna be great for him.

You have to wonder,
is that the sort of player you want?

[Coleen] But things between me
and Wayne have been up and down.

And I'm hoping a break
will help us reconnect.

So, we're heading off to Scotland,
but Wayne decided to play golf.

And I've got to pick Wayne up on the way.

This trip didn't get off
to the best start.

[Wayne] Sorry I'm late.

[Coleen] He kept me waiting for two hours,

after he stayed to hang out
with his mates in the clubhouse.

So that pissed me off.

[♪ Tense music playing]

[Coleen] I would've done a spa day
with the girls today.

But I didn't 'cause I thought
we were leaving at twelve o'clock.

I told you how long I was gonna be,
and I ran over, like, 20 minutes.

It wasn't 20 minutes.

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

Everyone knows,
when you finish a round of golf,

you go in the clubhouse and have a beer.

Yeah, but if you haven't got the time
to do it, you don't do it.

That's what I'm saying.

He gets carried away in the moment, and
then the day's just ruined because of it.

Can I get a Dairy Milk McFlurry, please,

and I'll have nine nuggets,
please, with curry sauce.

Have you tried them spicy nuggets?

They can be quite hard.

Quite tough.

They used to be the, um,
cage-fighting chickens, these.

-[chuckling] What? What?
-[laughing]

The spicy ones
are the cage-fighting chickens.

They used to fight
and they were tough and that.

I knew what I was doing
starting stupid conversations.

[Coleen] He knows
that he's been in the wrong,

so he will chat sh*t
and I find that funny,

that he's, like,
just talking a load of rubbish.

[Wayne] What do you think about,
like, the views here?

[Coleen] Scenery.

[Wayne] I don't get it.

It's grass and trees.

-That is... That's what it is. Look.
-[chuckles]

It's a skill to have, annoying them
and making them laugh at the same time.

It's a good skill to have.

[laughing] I've had a lot...
a lot of practice.

[producer] Is this like
the doghouse manual?

[chuckling] The Doghouse Manual.

I'm on... I'm on me third book.

I'm hoping for a really nice weekend away,

just to have a bit of
quality time together.

Stop it.

That's if I don't k*ll him first.

The hotel is called Cameron House,

and it's one of them big, old hotels

just on Loch Lomond.

It looks stunning.

Is that where the Loch Ness Monster is?

[laughs]

I'm really looking forward
to making the most of it.

[producer] Where was
your first holiday together?

It was weird, 'cause we went to Miami.

-We went to Miami, we were only 17.
-[Wayne] Seventeen.

-[Coleen] So...
-So, we just raided the mini bar.

-[chuckling] We... we couldn't go out...
-[laughing]

We couldn't drink.
There was not much to do.

So, we ordered in room service.

We'd like... We'd be arguing who's-who's
opening the door to the room service.

And then the other one
would go and hide in the...

-[laughing]
-toilet or whatever.

And who's giving a tip.

I remember we used to
throw the money at each other,

saying, "No, you give him it."
"No, you give him it."

Remember when we flew with Virgin?

I was sat in front
and Coleen was sat, like, a bit behind me.

-The seat's, like, angled.
-[chuckling] Oh, yeah.

So I went to the toilet, and come back.

And I leaned over and, messing around,
grabbed her boob.

[both chuckle]

And it was... it was a different woman.
I got the wrong... I got the wrong seat.

[both laughing]

I was there, I was saying to the woman,
"I'm so sorry. I thought it was me wife."

-A warm welcome.
-[Coleen] Nice to meet you.

[♪ Jaunty music playing]

This is one of our top suites, which
we're delighted to have you staying in.

And it's also had people like
Barack Obama, Stella McCartney,

-and just a really private space.
-[Coleen] Oh, lovely.

And just for your comfort,
there is some pyjamas.

Hopefully we've got them
in the right size for you.

And there's also
just a lounge area up here.

[Coleen] Okay, great. Yeah.

[manager] The beautiful part of this
is it's very private,

so you can just relax
and enjoy a bit of time with yourselves.

It's unusual to have the bedroom
downstairs and then the living room...

-[manager] The other way round.
-[Coleen] It's nice.

And it gives you a bit of... if you need
a bit of time away from each other,

if you want five minutes' peace.

-Oh, we'll need that. Yeah.
-Definitely do.

I'm hoping that this is the chill weekend
that we both just need.

[♪ Exciting bagpipe music playing]

[Coleen laughing]

[instructor] Right, guys,
we're gonna head up the hill

and we're gonna do a wee bit of sh**ting.

When we go away, I feel like
we're leaving everything behind,

and it's just about us and...
and having fun.

I've done clay pigeon sh**ting
a few times before,

so I thought it'd be fun to do it together
and see who was the best sh**ter.

She knows I struggle all the time
because me right eye's not great.

That's why she chose sh**ting.
She wouldn't choose golf.

[shotgun loads]

[instructor] We're gonna sh**t
this afternoon with a 12 bore shotgun.

[scorekeeper] We need to get you guys
to sign the disclaimer.

It's a... it's a must-do
for married couples.

-[Coleen chuckles]
-Especially when you're holding a g*n.

-Can't believe I'm giving her... her a g*n.
-[laughing]

[producer] Are you competitive?

-[Coleen] Yeah, I'm competitive.
-I don't think I'm that...

I'm actually not that competitive.

You are.

-I am?
-Yeah.

-[instructor] Who's going first?
-[Coleen] I'll go first.

[instructor] One shot per target, okay?
It's coming now.

-[g*nsh*t]
-[instructor] Bang. Perfect. k*ll.

[g*nshots]

-Good shot. k*ll here. Oh, very good.
-Yep.

[instructor] Okay, Wayne.

Okay, point it there.

-[g*nsh*t]
-[instructor] Just to your left-hand side.

If we're doing, like, football
or computer games or something, yes.

But... not like...

I wouldn't take it personal if I lost.

Ah, that's the biggest load of sh*t
I've ever heard in my life.

[laughs]

-[g*nsh*t]
-[instructor] Bang. Double zero. Ooh.

[Coleen laughing]

-[instructor] Up with the g*n. Too quick.
-[g*nshots]

[instructor] Well,
I've got to say... [chuckles]

[chuckling] You're not very good.

[instructor] Stick to football. [laughing]

-All right.
-[Coleen, instructor laughing]

-[instructor] Let's try somewhere else.
-[laughter]

Me and Wayne, we do have good times.

-[g*nsh*t]
-[instructor] k*ll.

We have a laugh.

-[instructor] Oh, very good.
-Very good.

-Let's see what your man can do.
-[Coleen] Okay.

And we enjoy each other's company.

-[g*nsh*t]
-[instructor] Ooh, nearly.

Sorry, young man.
You just can't beat girl power.

[laughing]

That was a competitive spirit
kicking in there.

Coleen, we're on 15...

We know what it is.
You don't have to read it out.

Wayne, we're on... Wayne, we're on ten.

He always wants to win everything.

[producer] Who's the most competitive
in this family?

-Dad.
-Dad.

I don't think Wayne's too happy,
but, you know,

there's some things
that people are better at than others.

[producer] Does he ever let you win?

Only once.

[snickers]

Oh! Hey, he's on a roll. Here we go.

[laughing]

-This is... This is your best round yet.
-[Coleen] Yeah.

[g*nshots]

-Ooh, six in a row.
-Yeah.

[all chuckling]

[scorekeeper] We are 19 Wayne,

and Coleen, we're on...

-21. Wow.
-[Coleen] Twenty-one.

So, I've actually got a prize.

-I don't want one for coming second.
-Okay, right.

[scorekeeper] You're not second,
you're last.

[all laughing]

Especially for you.

-Well done.
-Thank you, that was really enjoyable.

Thank you.

I was robbed. I think she got a couple
of extra goes, didn't she, I think?

[chuckling]

[Coleen] I was really annoyed with Wayne,

but now I'm feeling better.

Thank you.

And I think the clay pigeon sh**ting
broke the ice a bit.

[whistles]

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

[Tony] Oh. Oh. Now what happened there?

-Off his line, take it again. From there.
-[Cass] It's a free kick!

-[Tony] Oh, nice one.
-[Colette] You never say no, do you?

What?

That's why you're that good with the kids.

'Cause you're a bit on their level,
aren't you?

[both chuckle]

-[Colette] Do you want any water, kids?
-[Kit] Yeah.

-You got to appreciate the time because...
-Yeah.

Not far from snuffing it, are we?

-Thanks a lot.
-[laughs]

[Cass] Throw it.

-Ready?
-Yeah.

-[Tony] Go on.
-Oh! [chuckling]

I've only got little arms. [chuckling]

D'you know what, it's a bit easier
when Coleen and Wayne aren't here.

They seem more settled for us.

Move! You and Klay's in that net,

me and Granddad's in this net!

No!

I'm not saying all the time,
but, um, we love it.

Think it keeps us
a bit younger. [chuckles]

[Cass] Klay, stop!

I've got two boys, but I don't remember
them k*lling each other like these.

-[Tony] Cass, go on, get up.
-[Cass screaming]

-[Colette] Tony was quite strict.
-[Tony] Cass, get up, mate.

[Cass screaming]

[Colette] Tony will say sometimes,
they're too soft.

[Tony] You haven't got your nappy on,
have you?

[Cass screaming]

What does Granddad do?
Kit, what does Granda...

-[Kit] He goes like this.
-[giggling]

What? He's going...

Kit and Cass, I'd say
they do love each other,

but, no, they k*ll each other.

Tony gets them in the boxing ring
and lets them slug it out.

[Tony] Come on, come on.

[Colette] So they let off steam that way.

Tony's always been involved in boxing.

-[Tony] Five. Six.
-I'm good.

Don't hit the referee like that.
Seven. Eight.

-I'm good. I'm good.
-Don't... Good, you're all right.

[producer] In a boxing match
between Kit and Cass,

-who's winning?
-Kit.

-[Tony] Okay, calm down.
-Psychopath.

He'd probably batter me.

Are you sure you gonna box with me?

Yeah. Batter you.

So, I see you there.

So I just start doing this.

Yeah, but if you do that,
you can get banged.

Going back, Coleen boxed, yeah.

-Teaches you discipline.
-[Coleen] Well, your dad boxed as well.

It's been a big part of the family.

[producer] There's some footage of you
going at your dad's pads.

Yeah, and I give it a go, yeah. [chuckles]

Come on, swing that.

[chuckling]

We all had nicknames.

Coleen was Big Bessy.
She was great on the pads.

She was fantastic.

[Tony] Whoa. Bloody hell. Five seconds.

Five seconds. Four. Three. Two.

[Kit shouting indistinctly]

[Tony] One. Zero.

-Get off him, get off.
-Wait, come on!

[Tony] Go on, get in. Yeah.
Get in there, lad.

It's hard work,
being around the boys constantly.

When Coleen and Wayne do manage to
get away on their own, it's well-deserved.

They-They need that break.

[whisky sommelier]
So, if you wanna grab a seat

and sure I'll start cracking on for you.

With this one, what you're going to get
on the nose is some dried fruit,

and then when you taste it,

a little bit of honey
and a little bit of orange.

So, you getting any of that honey?
Some of that red fruit in there?

[sniffs]

-No? Just whisky?
-[both chuckle]

-Ooh... Ooh...
-Can I get some water, please?

-Absolutely. Absolutely.
-[laughing]

I don't know how people drink whisky
like that, straight.

[groaning] Oh.

Next, so this one,
it's aptly named "Intense Orchard Fruits."

So, not convinced yet.

So this is our local one.

That one smells, like, older.

Because of that age, it should add
a bit more of that complexity to it.

-What are you talking about...
-[sommelier] It's sat around longer.

You know, like, old...

You've got no idea
what you're talking about.

I do. Like, old... Like...

Like a old person's drink. [chuckles]

-[coughs]
-I don't know. Do you get what I mean?

Oh, I don't like that. Ugh.

I'm drinking it
and one of 'em tastes like petrol.

I don't like that one at all.

I'd have a whisky with Coke in it, but...

like, whisky on its own is disgusting.

-Whew!
-[sommelier] Yeah.

It's almost like you get heartburn.

The man must've thought,
"What on earth are they doing this for?"

Because we didn't have a clue.

[sommelier] So, this is
one of our peatier whiskies.

You're gonna get that smoky smell,
but if you put it too close to your nose,

you're just gonna smell
like someone's set the house on fire.

And they're meant to be nice whiskies.
Imagine the ones which aren't that nice.

Smells like Germolene. [chuckles]

-Do you know the antiseptic cream? Yeah.
-[sommelier] Oh, the antiseptic.

Or Savalon. [laughing]

[♪ Quirky music playing]

-Whew!
-[sommelier] Yeah.

I don't think whisky will be my tipple,
going forward in the future.

[Wayne] That's horrible, that. [coughs]

What do they do in Scotland? Do they have
a pint and a whisky chaser, is it?

[producer] Yeah. In America,
they just drop 'em in, don't they?

-What, in your pint?
-Yeah, in the drink.

Might be... might be nicer with beer.

-I'll have a pint of Tennent's, please.
-[server] Of course.

See, I'm trying
all the Scottish traditions.

-Haggis.
-So you are.

Tennent's.

-Got a kilt for later.
-[laughs]

What's nice about being on holiday
is we can have meals together,

because no one's gotta be
off to football or a party.

[server] There we are. We have
our half chicken, some red wine jus.

-Thank you.
-And for yourself, sir,

we have a haddock and chips,
tartar sauce and mushy peas.

-That's perfect, thank you.
-Thanks very much. Thank you.

It's actually nice to sit down
and talk and eat together.

Do you miss it? Do you miss Plymouth?

I'm a realist and I think, "That's
two jobs you've been sacked," and...

Management in football is hard, innit?

[Coleen] Losing the job at Plymouth,

it's probably the hardest situation
he's ever had to be in,

because all he's ever known is football.

And it's been difficult.

I think you know, as a... as a player,

when your career's gonna end,
and... you-you prepare for that.

So then, the next stage of your life,

in management, for instance,
you don't know.

Yeah, you don't know whether
you're gonna be there for a year,

two years, five years, ten years.

Or, you know, three months.

So you... So you never know,
so you're not prepared for it.

And so then when you-you lose your job,
then it's like,

"Oh, so then, now what?" What do you do?

-So, what have you got coming up?
-Got, uh...

Obviously signed up to Match of the Day.

-Oh, yeah.
-It's-It's a new profession.

It's a new job.

I'm enjoying it. I-I wanna be better.
I wanna be the best I can be.

So, yeah, I'm trying to learn to try
and get myself better at what I do.

[Coleen] Think, at the minute,
you-you seem... happier

than when you were managing.

Yeah.

The TV work's always been there.

So we knew that was something
that he could build on,

and he enjoys it, which is great.

You know, we're busy doing everything,

but if we can try and do this
every now and again...

-Yeah...
-Just to get away, it's nice, isn't it?

Yeah.

[♪ Pensive music playing]

[Wayne] Yeah, no, listen, I get it.
I might never manage again.

That's fine. That's not an issue for me.

-Cheers.
-Cheers.

-[stylist] You've been busy.
-[Coleen] Yeah.

[both chuckling]

[stylist] How's it all been going?

When I came out jungle,
I had Christmas and that,

and then since New Year, yeah,
we've just been busy.

So, today's a big day for me.

I'm going to be acting in a new advert.

I was brushing Cass's teeth this morning,

and he decided to take a picture of me
and put it in the family group chat.

[stylist laughing]
With your eye patches on.

[Coleen] It's the chin.

[both laughing]

[Wayne] Here you are, Cass. You dressed?

Come on then.

[Coleen] Wayne's got a meeting
with our agent this morning,

but first he's gonna do the school run.

I can do it myself.

[Wayne] Are yous ready? Come on then.

Found this.

"Who is the better driver?"

Me.

Ah! [laughing]

I would say me.

[Wayne] I hate driving
with Coleen in the passenger seat

because all of a sudden,
she's just, like, screaming.

[laughing]

[♪ Upbeat music playing]

Call Mum, see if she's...

got trainers.

Trainers where?

[Kit] In my bag.

[phone ringing]

Hiya.

Um, Kit's asking have you got...
put trainies in his bag?

No, I forgot.

Why don't you go home and get some
and then take them back?

When I decided that I'd start
going back in to work again,

I said to Wayne,
"I don't wanna be in a meeting

or I don't wanna be doing an interview

and then getting a phone call to say..."

-[phone ringing]
-Thank you. [groans]

Hello?

[Wayne] Sorry, will you just text me
what needs doing on each thing, please?

Did you not take
the piece of paper with you?

Sometimes I forget things,
but then I can just phone and ask her.

Bye.

I'd work myself up if I started thinking,

"I've got this today, this tomorrow,
this the next day."

I just get mentally exhausted
thinking about it.

-[Coleen] Thank you.
-[stylist] Thanks.

[phone ringing]

[Coleen] Do you know what?
I reckon this is the eighth call I've had.

Hello? Have you got garlic bread?

I thought you were going
the petrol station way.

What was I asking? [chuckles]

-[producer] Garlic bread.
-Garlic bread?

Oh, you've had a couple of things to do.
See you later.

Ta-ra.

Oh, he's hard work, him.

-[manager] How many calls now?
-[Coleen chuckles]

He heard me, and he says it's...

it's the f*cking ninth.

[both laughing]

[Coleen] I tell ya...

[Wayne] Me agent, Paul, he's coming round,

just to talk about opportunities
to do different things.

[Paul] Wayne is doing punditry

for one of the most iconic shows
on television, Match of the Day,

which has led to other opportunities.

Does anyone want a coffee, by the way?

-[crew member 1] I'll take one.
-[crew member 2] Yes, please.

[Wayne chuckles]

We've been in discussions
with Gary Neville's Overlap

about Wayne going on the live show
in Dublin.

[Kelly Cates] See yourself being friends
with Gary, if it wasn't for football?

-I'm not friends with him now.
-[laughter]

The last time we were in Ireland,
it got a bit messy.

[Wayne chuckling] Yeah.

I'm really excited about
doing The Overlap.

Me, Gary Neville and Jamie Carragher.

You know, that could lead to
me going on to do me own podcast.

But I think it's something I'd be good at.

I'm not sure. Do you have milk?

-[crew member 1] No, thanks.
-[Wayne] No milk?

[Paul] Bit nervous for him,
but I'm sure he won't be,

and hopefully it will go well.

Feel like I'm on
f*cking Cheshire Housewives.

[laughter]

[Wayne] Need to get a glass of champagne
in front of us.

Wayne's scope within broadcasting,
I think, is unlimited.

So today we are filming an advert
for Paddy Power.

So, yeah, it's something different.

I have done adverts in the past.

But there was no speaking involved
in that.

So this one, I have got a script.

I've looked at it a few times,
trying to learn it,

but it just doesn't sink in.

The nerves are kicking in because
I am going to have to do some acting.

[manager] Rob, Coleen. Coleen, Rob.

[Rob] The first scenes that we're
gonna sh**t are just all the ones

-where it's just you at the desk.
-Okay.

[Rob] So, it's just you, me and then
about 30 other crew members on set.

Can we get the earpiece, please, from art?

Even though I am playing an investigator,

I'm gonna be me.

It's a bit of a spin-off
from the whole s...

you know, situation.

[Rob] Here we go.
Roll cameras, roll sound.

[producer] We don't say
the "W" word, do we?

No, not really.

[producer] Are we legally
not allowed to say it?

No, I think you can say it.

-[producer] So I can say the word Wagatha?
-Yeah.

-[producer] Okay.
-Yeah.

It's one of them that you say,
"Oh, I've forgot about that now,"

but it does creep in to things a lot.

[crew member] Two, take one.

[Rob] Okay, here we go. Action.

I'm looking at the data,
and you are correct.

Your team has been last
on Match of the Day

more than anyone else.

-[Rob] Um... Just, like...
-[Coleen] Tell me what needs...

-Relax a bit more.
-[Rob] Just relax, yeah.

[♪ Playful music playing]

I am dealing with a nervous Coleen today.

[Rob] Here we go, roll cameras.

She'll be worried
she's not doing it right.

[Rob] Okay, here we go. Nice and quiet.

[Coleen] It's always good to have
a little bit of nerves to get you going,

but not too nervous
where I look a bit stiff

and I look scared in front of the camera.

[Rob] And action.

I'm looking at the data
and you are correct.

Your team has been last on the...

[Rob] That's okay, no worries.
In your own time, Coleen. Take your time.

[Steph] She doesn't want to be
the one that lets everyone down,

"Oh, we've gotta go again
because Coleen got it wrong."

Your team has been last on
Match of the Day more than anyone else.

-Let me start again. [chuckles]
-Really nice.

[Steph] She was overthinking the lines

and getting herself stressed
and worked up about it.

Action.

"I'm looking at the data."

-[Coleen chuckling] I'm... Oh, God.
-[Rob] Let's cut there.

[Steph] She hasn't done acting
for a while,

and it's my job to reassure her
that she'll nail it.

Do you want a water or anything,
or are you okay? Sure?

[Coleen] I lack confidence sometimes.

I think, because all eyes
suddenly turned on me,

I went in myself a bit.

I'm thinking, "Why am I here?"

I do find myself questioning a lot.

But I know I should be able to do this,

'cause acting is something that
I've always loved from a young age.

[both singing indistinctly]

[Coleen] I took part
in a lot of plays in school,

and out of school.

Have you seen school videos?

Bugsy Malone. Grease.

[speaking indistinctly]

I was so proud
'cause she was absolutely brilliant.

I know all the ladies go for me.
And they don't know what they're missing.

Hey, chick, I still want your number.

I would say I was a confident child.

[no audible dialogue]

And I think being in the public eye
from a young age

has probably lowered my confidence
over the years.

[crew member] Mark.

[Coleen] But when the camera
started rolling again,

I said to myself, "Come on,
this is ridiculous now. Get a grip."

[Rob] Action.

No, I don't think it's a conspiracy.

You're just not very good. Thanks.

[Rob] There it is, that's the one.
Let's mark that please.

Thank you very much. Let's move on.

[crew member] Lovely.
Cut there, moving on.

[Rob] Brilliant. Action.

I'm looking at phone votes here.
Seems suspicious.

A lad from McFly winning I'm a Celeb
doesn't seem real, does it?

Really lovely.
Let's mark that one please, guys.

Close and stamp.

Lovely stuff.
I don't think we need that a second time.

I think we have it there.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much.
What an amazing morning.

-[Coleen] It was all right.
-Lovely.

-Really good.
-You look fab.

Thanks.

It went really well in the end.

I was pleased, but I still haven't seen
the finished product.

I'm just gonna stand here
and say hello and welcome everybody.

Do a test.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's Gary Neville,
Jamie Carragher and Wayne Rooney.

[♪ Upbeat music playing]

I'm doing The Overlap tonight,
in Dublin, which I'm really excited about.

It's a live podcast show...

[assistant] Hello. Hey, Wayne.
You can come in. Good, good, good.

[Wayne] ...with me mates,
Carragher and Neville.

-[producer] Do you two like live shows?
-Uh, I don't do them a lot.

I like... I don't mind them.

-First one.
-Is it?

Yeah.

[♪ Upbeat music playing]

[Wayne] The main thing is,
you wanna enjoy it.

Has he not done anything like this before?

Wonder if he enjoys it. I bet he will.

How would it go down tonight
if you do the little Irish song?

-Did you hear him singing it?
-I'm not doing a f*cking Irish song.

[laughter]

So, Wayne must've been about 14 or 15.

And I bumped in to him in a nightclub,
and he just come right up to me,

introduced himself as "I'm Wayne Rooney,"
you know what I mean?

And it was like, "Well, you'll hear
about me in a few years," and all that.

He was his normal c*ck self.

I was thinking,"Who does this little, uh,
c*ck b*stard from Everton think he is?"

But it was like I was thinking,
"Oh, yeah, I love that," you know?

He's, uh... he's got that, uh...
that swagger about him.

What I would like is someone to come down
to my wardrobe in my basement,

and put outfits together
and style it, so I know...

[Jamie] What else is in your basement?

[laughter]

[Gary] I played against him
in a reserve game

when I was coming back from an injury,

and he was playing for Everton Reserves.

I think he was only 16 at the time.

And he absolutely booted me
like you wouldn't believe.

Other thing about Wayne is he can
do everything on a football pitch,

but he never, ever,
stopped playing football

like he was playing in the street.

Which, to be fair,
is the reason he was so great.

I mean, he's tough.

Unbreakable. Unbreakable.

Let's go. Let's go get out there.

[audience cheering]

[Paul] This new element of a live podcast,

Wayne being sat there
in front of 7,000 to 8,000 fans...

that's a fairly unique experience for him.

There's a lot that could go wrong.

But I honestly believe
that Wayne will shine on that format.

[Jamie] How many people's here, Gaz?

[Gary] Seven or eight thousand,
that was it.

-[Wayne] Are you nervous, Gaz?
-Um... What?

-You nervous?
-No.

-I don't like it, though, these things.
-I'm sh1tting it.

I've never done... I've never done it.

Yeah, but you play football
in front of tens of thousands...

-You're on The Overlap every week.
-[laughing]

[Wayne] It's strange because
when you're playing at Old Trafford,

there's 76,000 fans there
and that's normal.

[audience chanting] Rooney! Rooney!

[Wayne] But it-it is a different feeling,
speaking in front of 8,000 fans live.

And you can feel the pressure.

Absolutely terrified.

[Kelly] Please welcome to the stage

Gary Neville, Jamie Carragher
and Wayne Rooney.

[audience cheering]

[Kelly] Wayne, you could've played
for Ireland.

Yeah, no, I could have.

Me great-grandfather
was actually from Dublin.

[cheering]

I think that when he came out
of the-the managerial role

at Plymouth and Birmingham,

he just lost, I think,
a little bit of confidence.

But d'you know,
one thing that Wayne's got,

he's got lived experience,

credibility of being able to deliver
at the highest level.

So he knows what standards are.

That gives him a massive leg up

when it comes to sort of
being able to speak about football.

That needs to come across in his punditry
because people will like that.

[Kelly] For you Wayne as well, are you
looking to get back in to management?

-No.
-[laughter]

No, I think, listen,
I-I had a go in four different clubs.

[audience cheering, whistling]

[Gary] You're talking to an audience
who are animalistic.

They're football fans, they're tribal.

They want people to speak like
football fans speak,

and Wayne Rooney does that.

I think that's really important, but from
a position of significant credibility,

and sort of what would be experienced
in the game.

Ultimately it relies on you to...
to get the best out of the players

and unfortunately, I didn't do that.

Um, so now I'm... I'm chillin'.

[audience laughing]

[Gary] Yeah, I think where he's at now,
he's in a good place.

He's got his bite back in his tongue.

He's got that confidence back,
and that authority.

[Wayne] Yeah, I was pleased
with how it went.

I think the-the podcast format
really suits me.

In terms of showing me personality,
showing me character,

um, make people laugh as well at times.

And just be me.

So, yeah, I would love
to do me own podcast.

[Steph] Paddy Power.

-[Coleen] It's quite a turnaround.
-[Steph] Very.

I'm about to show Coleen
the first cut of her Paddy Power ad.

[person] I've got one
from Nancy in Margate...

[Steph] It's going live imminently,

so I am really hopeful
that she's happy with it.

Otherwise...

I really could be in the sh*t.

[person] She's got a real
no-nonsense approach.

I'm looking at the data
and you are correct.

Your team has been last
on Match of the Day

more than anyone else.

I hope I actually act okay,
I look okay, it's not cheesy.

That was one of the things I didn't
want it to come across was-was cheesy.

All them things do go through your mind.

No, I don't think it's a conspiracy.
You're just not very good.

Go on, out.
Why are yous following me everywhere?

Klay, stop it.

What are you watching?
What's it even about?

Putting on a different voice...

-Is this an ad?
-[person] ...and it's not going to be easy.

I've sorted it.

They put less crisps in the packet
these days...

Sorry, that's a different investigation.

Still not got to the bottom of that one.

As the investigation is still ongoing,

we can't be sure that Man City
have broken FFP rules.

Why are you doing that face?

I've watched all of it now.

[producer] What did you think
of the acting?

Yeah, she was all right, to be fair.
I'll give it to her.

[producer] Who's more famous, Mum or Dad?

-Yeah, I'll k*ll him.
-[screaming]

-Dad.
-[Cass] What you doing?

[Coleen] Right, stop it now!

Me mum's getting there, though.

Well done, Mum. It's good, that.

I was actually really pleased
when I watched it.

-Yeah, it's good.
-[Steph] It's good, isn't it?

And it's good that it's... choppy.

Yeah. Yeah, it was... Yeah.

-[Steph] It's funny.
-It is, yeah.

[Steph] Paddy Power were
over the moon with her performance.

Coleen can act
Fair play Coleen, that was brilliant

[Coleen] I was pleased with how
the Paddy Power advert came out,

and now they want me to do another advert.

But much bigger.

With Wayne's media work expanding...

[Paul] What is this now?

Obviously, a documentary
they're doing on Jose.

He's got the great and the good,
and he asked for you.

-[Coleen] ...and my career taking off...
-[Rob] Brilliant.

[Coleen] ...it feels like
we're on the edge of a new life.

But are we ready for this?

[host] When it comes to podcast signings...

it doesn't get much bigger
than Wayne Rooney.

They could've come up with a better title
than The Wayne Rooney Podcast.

And you've got this mob
following you about, eh?

[Coleen] I'm gonna be acting with
Danny Dyer, so I am a bit nervous.

-You'll have to show me the ropes.
-Piece of piss, babe.

-Oh, sh*t. Sorry.
-[laughter]

[Coleen] Get your shoes
and everything please.

-[screaming]
-Stop it, right now.

I am starting to worry.

-[screams]
-Be quiet!

[laughing, chattering]

Imagine he has to move away.

Have I taken on too much?

It's not like you to feel sad.
Talk to me. What's going on?

Nothing, I just feel like it's just
a bit hard just juggling everything.

L-Like the house is not, like, happy.