01x11 - c*ck Bunny

[bunniefuu]

- Previously on Wonderfalls.
- I'm confused.

- That's perfectly normal.
- Perfectly normal.

- I need to talk to you about the monkey.
- What monkey?

The one you stole from Dr. Ron's office.
He'd like it back.

- And he's got it all on tape.
- Oh. Okay. Then I guess I have the monkey.

- Your sister- ever do anything like this before?
- This is her fourth arrest.

- So it's not just the cow creamer?
- Uh-uh.

I want it to be over. This is a good idea.

- What are you gonna do with 'em?
- Don't worry. I'll take care of it.

Talk to me. Please.

You love her?
You have to tell her.

- Not until she tells me.
- I think I might love him.

- You have to tell him.
- Hi. I have something to say.

Ohh, shut it.

Uh-

This is Heidi, my wife.

Eric, please, marry me again.

- Fine.
- Really?

There's an all-night chapel.
Spring Street, isn't it?

Rainbow Boulevard.

Thanks.

You may be asking yourself,
how did I get here?

What could I have possibly done
to deserve this?

Tell me why.

Why make me make the man I love
remarry his hussy bride?

How is that helpful?
Who does that benefit besides the hussy?

'Cause I'm not in the business
of benefiting hussies.

Tell me there's a reason.

So be it.
No answers, no mercy.

I'm finished.
You want me to be alone?

I'll be alone.

I'll be alone after I melt or set fire
to each and every one of you.

So anybody that hasn't talked yet
that's been thinking about talking...

- let this be a warning.
- Break's over.

What's burning?

- Have you fixed it?
- Nyet. Still broken.

If you buy six of them,
you're really only paying for three.

- Hmm.
- Hello, sweetheart.

- Hi.
- You look puffy. Have you been crying?

I'll give you a bear
if we don't talk about it.

I'll give you a monkey if we do.
I found it in your brother's room.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

He's very concerned about you.

He's started praying, and you know how
he feels about that sort of thing.

- He's praying? For me?
- Mm-hmm.

You certainly have him worked up about
something. Raises the question, doesn't it?

- What question?
- Should I be praying?

- Not for me. I'm fine.
- Of course you are, sweetheart.

Dr. Ron'll be very pleased
to get his monkey back.

You should make an appointment and return it
to him since you're the one who stole it.

As great as that sounds,
you see him twice a week.

Can't you just drop it off
next time you're in therapy?

Did you mark
the barrel bears down?

- Was I not supposed to?
- No.

This is a collector's item.
You are so in trouble.

I have no luck.
Mold-o-rama's still busted.

Just keep making all these
with funky face.

You'll never get rid of all of us.

Miss! Miss, please!

Sweetheart!

Miss! Miss, calm down!

I wanted to give this back to you.

It's got a few dings.

- And is this wax?
- Uh, yeah.

Sorry about that.

And sorry about not coming back
after I said I had to feed the meter...

two months ago.

It all worked out fine.

Why'd you come back today?
What's happening in your world?

Okay, well, what have my mom
and brother told you?

'Cause I don't wanna
repeat information.

- Tell him nothing.
- We're not talking about your mom or your brother.

Then you better tell me something,
'cause I'm fixin' to neuter you.

I was talking to the monkey.

It talked to me first.

What makes you think
the monkey was talking to you?

Well, it looked at me
and talked.

Why don't you walk me
through the day...

the animals started
talking to you.

Well, I didn't get my promotion.

And then the lion talked.
Then I fainted.

And then I had
my session with you.

And then the monkey talked.

And then I met Eric.

And then we talked.

And then we kissed,
and then we-

Oh, my God.

That was right before
your monkey broke my heart.

Oh, no.
That was actually the fish.

Did Eric break your heart,
or was it the fish?

The fish.

The fish told me
to break Eric's heart...

which broke my heart.

And do you do everything the monkey
and the lion and the fish tell you to do...

even if it causes you pain?

Yeah, they kind of
wore me out that way...

which is mainly why I'm here.

I recommend we see each other
three times a week.

Isn't that a lot?

Well, it's not
five times a week...

which it looks like we can do.

What do you prefer,
mornings or-

Did Dr. Ron tell you whether this was
a personality flaw or an actual disorder?

- Darrin.
- Well, there's no sense pussyfooting around about it.

We're her parents. If something is wrong,
we should talk about it.

- And you can talk to us, can't you, sweetheart?
- Uh, yeah.

Could I have
some more water, please?

Now, what I'd like to know is...

is this an isolated incident,
or can we expect more of these 'sodes?

I mean, God forbid,
you end up like the Olsen girl.

Didn't she stab herself and then tell
everybody that Dr. Ron tried to k*ll her?

Mad as a balloon.

We don't want that life for you.

Darrin, she doesn't want to discuss it.
We have to respect that.

Thank you.

Fine, fine.
We can pretend nothing is wrong.

Not a care in the world.

Oh. Isn't that
your little married friend?

- You have a new friend?
- He doesn't work today.

That is him... and his wife.
I have to pee.

- They're here! You said he wasn't working today.
- He's not.

- The man lives here.
- Ow.

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

That's it.
You got this cry comin'.

Cry till you can't cry no more.

I wanna see salt deposits on your cheeks
when you're through.

I didn't think
it would hurt so much...

seeing him with her
in wedded bliss without me.

Oh, my God.
He's gonna grow old with her, isn't he?

And I'm gonna die alone.

- Oh, will you die alone with me?
- Of course I will.

Who else am I gonna die alone with,
your brother? Ha.

I mean, I-I-I can't think
of any examples actually.

- Do you like my brother?
- No! God, no.

That was a random- No.

'Cause that'd be weird, huh?

Yeah, I'll say.

Hello? Excuse me.

I'm Karen Tyler.
Jaye's mother.

- Oh. Hi.
- Hi.

I'm not quite sure how to broach this subject,
so I'm just gonna get right to it.

My daughter's very upset
about something.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

And she won't discuss it with me,
and Mahandra's not saying a word.

So that leaves you.
What do you say? You wanna be my hero?

How upset is she, exactly?

I'll tell you how upset she is
if you tell me what she's upset about.

I wish I knew.

Thank you.

Do you think Eric loves her?

I mean, like, really loves her?

- She's his wife.
- I know.

But, like, really,
really loves her?

- Yes, he does.
- Whoops.

In fact, he loves me so much,
he married me twice.

If you hadn't wiped yourself
with your first wedding vows...

you wouldn't have had
to get them renewed.

Oh, sigh.

Whatever scars I've given Eric
are healing.

And they'd heal a lot faster if you stopped
picking at 'em and leave us alone.

I was leaving you alone plenty
before you came through that door.

No, you were stalking
my husband at his workplace...

which is no longer his workplace
'cause he just quit.

What?

We're going back to Jersey.
My sins have been paid for.

Honeymoon purgatory
is coming to an end.

That's so sad.
Heidi-h* gotta go.

You almost had him, huh?

For a second there,
I thought it was gonna be you...

kissing the groom
on my wedding night.

But only for a second.

Hi, babe.

Hi.

The girls were just
helping me pack your things.

- Hi. How you doin'?
- Just ducky. You?

Swell.

Everything go okay?

Yeah, great.
I gave my notice.

Notice? I thought
you were gonna quit.

They need two weeks to find a replacement.
They gave me a job and a bed.

It's the least I can do.

Eric, I wanna go home.

It's just for two weeks.
We can stay in the honeymoon suite.

I'm gonna put this in the car.

Looks like the credit card you used
to pay for your sins got declined.

- We're both reasonable women.
- Ha!

We're both capable of reason.

Eric's mine now...

and you're never gonna get
your hooks in him again.

Now, you deal with that
any way you like...

as long as it doesn't involve
me or my husband.

But if you make trouble for us,
I will make trouble for you.

b*tch, are you threatening her?

- Yes. Yes, I believe I am.
- Save him from her.

- What'd you just say? - Save
him from her. - You heard me.

You've got some nerve.
Don't tell me to save him from her.

Tell it to someone who gives a-

I don't even like c*ck cherries,
you stupid rabbit.

I don't think she's coming back.

No.
I'm pushing her away.

Testing camera four.

Testing, one, two, three.

Okay, I'll ask you one more time.
Where's the monkey?

Did he walk away?
Can he walk away?

Are you guys ambulatory?

- I wanna be an honest woman.
- You are an honest woman.

I just snuck in your back door.

Your sister's dying inside,
and here I am lying to her...

- about our torrid little affair.
- Then tell her the truth.

She can't handle the truth.
It'll k*ll her.

She's my best friend,
and you're her brother.

Besides, I can't be happy when she's sad.
There are rules.

Are you saying I make you happy?

Yes, yes. You make me happy.
But that's not the point.

- Are those video cameras?
- Yep.

Shut 'em off. Shut 'em off.
Shut 'em off!. Shut 'em off!.

How long have you had those?
Are you recording us right now?

Did you record us having sex?
Oh, my God. Is it on the Internet?

Oh, my God. I'm a naughty,
black-door woman- back-door woman.

Oh, my God!
No one must know.

We have to destroy your computer.

Relax. No one knows anything.

I knew it!

Shame on you.

This is a violation of trust.

Do you want Mom and Dad to find out?
Huh? This would k*ll them.

Mom already knows about the monkey.
You said you'd get rid of them.

- I said I'd take care of 'em.
- They should be in a suitcase with cinder blocks.

Not in a-

- Oh, my God. Is this a shrine?
- No.

It's a... display. What's gotten into you?
You're acting all weird.

Unusually weird.

She's not weird. She's in pain.
The woman has a broken heart.

- What the hell is wrong with you?
- Where'd you come from?

I, uh- I, uh, followed you.

I was worried.

You don't need to worry.
I feel much better now.

Do you think she knows?

Save him from her.

Let's talk about that, shall we?

Now, if experience has taught me anything,
it's that following your instructions...

regarding Eric and Heidi
causes me great pain.

- Save him from her!
- But I have to admit I'm intrigued.

Why make me make a home if you're
just gonna make me break a home?

Is this a trick? Is this gonna
turn out badly for me somehow?

Ask the monkey.

Oh!

H- How did you get in here?

The door.

The door was locked.

Yeah. Well, no, it wasn't.

Um, I just need to borrow
your monkey.

You're not borrowing
my monkey, Jaye.

I kinda have to.

They told me I had
to save him from her...

and the wax lion said
the monkey would tell me why.

Save who from her?

She's going to k*ll him.

She's gonna k*ll him?

Is my monkey talking to you now, Jaye?

She's going to k*ll him.

She's going to k*ll him,
and it's all because of you.

You think maybe you want Heidi
to be a black widow murderess...

because that makes her the bad guy
and you the good guy...

and Eric the guy
who can only be saved by your love?

I don't want Heidi to be anything.

I'm just trying to confirm
or deny an anonymous tip.

From who?

Well, if I knew it,
it wouldn't be anonymous.

Mm-hmm.

- Oh, my God.
- What?

"Freshman suspected
in Kappa Mu poisoning. "

"Homecoming tradition suffered
a devastating blow Thursday...

"when Queen Mickie Mossler
and Princess Kendra Crowther...

"were allegedly poisoned
at a sorority function.

Sophomore Heidi Sockett-"

Her maiden name is Sockett!

Horrible, yet appropriate.

"Sophomore Heidi Sockett, who was
disqualified from the election for soliciting votes...

"suggested the poisoning
may have been hazing victims...

retaliating against
their tormentors. "

She did it. You know she did.
She tried to k*ll those girls.

- I wanna know how she was soliciting votes.
- I think we both know.

"Hepatitis outbreak renders
debate team speechless. " Click on that.

"The debate team suffered
a staggering loss," blah, blah, blah.

"Senior Heidi Sockett,
who was suspended from the team...

"suggested the incident may have
been the work of freshmen...

retaliating against their tormentors
in a recent spate of hazing rituals. "

It's her M.O.
If she can't win, then nobody can win.

And if she can't have Eric,
then nobody can have Eric?

Seems like the type.

Not to toot my own horn, but I think
we both know why Eric's sticking around.

It's not for a two-week notice,
'cause we've been laying people off.

Oh, God.

As soon as Heidi figures that out,
Eric's a dead man.

We have to save him from her.
That's our mission.

You don't really think Heidi's gonna
m*rder her husband because of you?

Oh, but she is.
And it is because of me...

'cause the anonymous tipper said so.

- Have you been getting enough sleep?
- Yeah.

She's not gonna k*ll him
right here in this bar.

She could slip him a Mickey.

Not unless there's a freshman around
to pin it on.

- Hi.
- Does Heidi have anger management issues?

'Cause she's been pitching
a tanty about something.

Yeah, you.
She thinks you're spying on us.

That's dumb.

She's been a little pissy
lately, huh?

She ever threaten you?

You should cut her some slack. She's got
lots of reasons to be pissy right now.

For instance,
are you spying on us?

No. But I can leave if my presence
makes you uncomfortable.

You don't make me uncomfortable.
But, Heidi-

No, I get it.
I'll go.

Spying.

What are you up to,
Heidi Sockett Gotts?

What's up?

She really is gonna k*ll him.

Answer your phone!

Oh. Answer your phone.

Gimme, gimme.
Where's my pictures?

Please.

- Somebody already picked them up.
- What?

Oh, no.
She's on to us.

Explain "us. "

If you had to poison the man you love,
where would you do it?

If I was Heidi, I wouldn't be trying
to poison the man I love.

I'd be trying to poison you.

Sweetheart?

I hear you
tromping around in there.

Come on, sweetheart.

You're not gonna open the door?

Really?

That makes me sad.

Well, they accidentally gave me these
down at the photo lab.

I resisted looking because
I respect you and your privacy.

Jaye? Well, call me
if you need anything.

You're not borrowing my monkey, Jaye.

I kinda have to.
They told me I had to save him from her...

and the wax lion said
the monkey would tell me why.

Save who from her?

She's gonna k*ll him?

Save who from her?

She's gonna k*ll him?

Save who from her?

Hello?

Hello?

Oh!

Where are you going?
You're on the clock till 6:00.

I'm off the clock.
Sick friend.

Could die any minute.
We're holding a vigil.

Hi. These are all


Do you have something in a poly-blend?
I'm looking for something stain-resistant.

Over there.

Oh. Thanks.

I was wondering if I could get
an advance from petty cash...

for, um, vigil supplies
and maybe a baseball bat.

Hi. Sorry to keep interrupting.
Could you help me find a size?

He'll be right with you. Did I mention
my friend could die any minute?

Would you mind?

- Let's talk about your state of mind, Tyler.
- Clear as a bell, thanks.

- You psychopath!
- I knew it. This is theft!

Actually, I believe
it's invasion of privacy.

You are one damaged good, sister.

Spying, stalking, photographing.

You picked the wrong girl
to tangle with, crazy-a*s.

"Till death do us part. "
That was the vow.

I plan on keeping the promise.

If you lay one finger on him-

He's my husband. I will lay whatever
on whomever wherever I want.

Excuse me?
I'll come back later.

- She's going to k*ll him.
- I know!

You're never gonna see Eric again.

She's going to k*ll him.
Don't let her leave.

- You're not goin' anywhere!
- Get off me!

You're staying right here with me!

Nice to see you again, Miss Tyler.

Looks like you've been busy today.

Do you like your therapist, Jaye?

My client's relationship with her therapist
is protected under New York state law.

Do you like your therapist, Jaye?

Um, sure.

I don't mean to be rude,
but there's someplace I need to be.

Land the plane, Mike.
What is this about?

Did she as*ault the man?

You assaulted Dr. Ron?

Violated is more accurate.

What did you do?
What did you do?

- I didn't-
- Don't say a word.

What exactly are you accusing her of?

I'm accusing her of breaking
into her therapist's office...

disabling the security system...

stealing the surveillance footage
from her own therapy sessions...

and leaving a number two
in the good doctor's desk drawer.

And I'm not talking about the pencil.

It wasn't me.
I didn't do any of that.

This is all Heidi.
Have you Googled the woman?

She's a menace.
She set me up!

We let her go.
She's not a suspect.

And you should count your lucky stars
she's not pressing charges.

Of course she's not pressing charges.

Murderers don't press charges.
It calls unwanted attention to themselves.

This m*rder angle is new to me.

- We should sidebar.
- No sidebar. A man is about to die!

I just need to use the phone real quick.

You can use it after we're done.

I need to use it now,
or there will be a very sweet...

very cute, very dead man
from Jersey on the slab!

Wake up.

If you sleep any more,
we'll never have time together.

Oh, my God.
I got voice mail.

She's k*lling him!
She's k*lling him right now!

You need to call hotel security.

Tell 'em to sh**t if they have to.

- Can I chat with you outside for a second?
- Yes, please.

I'm not stupid, Eric.
I know why you don't wanna go.

I'm sorry.

Would you rather be married to her?

No.

I'm sorry.

Don't forget to take your vitamins.

These are her employee evaluations
for the last two years.

I've been doing them monthly since
I was promoted to management.

See, the trouble really started in January
during the post-holiday slump.

- But her mood's been all over the map for a while.
- Thank you so much.

You've been very helpful.

Please, do not send her to jail.

If you release her into my custody,
I will watch her like a hawk.

Oh, my God.
She's on the lam.

- You set me up.
- Get out!

Nice frame job with the stool sample.
Where's Eric?

- He doesn't wanna see you.
- Eric!

If you're too weak to yell,
just knock on something! I'll find you!

- What's goin' on?
- Oh, you're still alive.

Listen to me.
Heidi is trying to poison you.

- This is pathetic.
- Heidi, what's she talking about?

She knows you still care about me,
and she'd rather see you dead than in my arms.

- What?
- I'm feeling a little woozy. Should I be alarmed?

She's gotten to you already.

- We need to induce vomiting.
- Wow. My mouth is really dry.

- Oh, my God.
- What?

Eric, it's a male potency drug.

I switched it out
with your one-a-days.

I got it from a busboy at The Barrel.

- Did you tell him it was for me?
- It was sort of implied.

It's a trick. She's trying to give
your body time to absorb the toxins.

I, uh- I don't think it's a trick.

Well, how- Oh.

Oh, God.

So you're not trying to k*ll him?
You're just trying to-

I know what she was trying to do.

But-But Queen Mickie
and-and Princess Kendra.

The debate team.

When she has a problem, she poisons it.

"Hazing victims retaliating
against their tormentors. "Please!

Hazing was a big problem on campus.
Those people were targeted.

She had nothing to do with it.

Okay, well, maybe
I- I didn't get all the facts...

and the Internet
isn't always accurate...

but she's trying to k*ll you.

Stop it.

- But she is! She's-
- Stop!

You should probably go.

- Sorry. Didn't see you.
- Wait!

- Hold the elevator!
- No need to make it a party.

The police are looking for Jaye!

They issued an A.P.B. on Jaye!

Mom!

I didn't do any of
the things you think I did...

especially not the thing I think
you're cleaning up right now.

I was framed.
It was all a big frame job. You!

"Save him from her. "
What does that even mean?

You told me to save him from her.
You said she was gonna k*ll him.

I'm expecting a patient, Jaye.

They can wait.

Me and the monkey
are gonna have words.

I'm sorry.
You look very familiar.

- Are you a friend of my daughter's?
- No.

- I, uh- I work in the building.
- Oh, that must be it.

- I'm Karen.
- Angie.

Angie Olsen?
That Olsen girl?

Uh-uh.
Angie something else.

I don't mean to pry, but didn't you
use to be a patient of Dr. Ron's?

Nope. Mm-mmm.

What's the knapsack for?

Nothing.

- Angie, I'm glad to see you taking some initiative.
- **

But I-I think this is misdirected.

We-We could work it out
some other way, you know.

Just think
what you're doing.

**

Do you smell gasoline?

Was this all a big setup? Get me
to turn a few tricks for the universe...

break my heart, and then ship me off
to the crazy house before I can squeal?

Do you feel yourself
getting worked up right now?

- I'd like to deescalate that feeling.
- Save him from her.

He's not in any danger.

You lied. Why'd you lie?
What is this about?

How would you feel if I referred you
to another therapist?

Lick the light switch.

- Wait. What?
- It's not a rejection.

Lick the light switch.

That's disgusting!

It's not disgusting to want you
to have the best care.

I was talking to the monkey.

If you'd like to speak to the monkey privately,
I could step into the next room.

- Would you mind?
- Not at all.

Lick the light switch.

Why me?
Why do you talk to me?

If you lick the light switch,
I'll tell you.

- You ask a lot of questions.
- I'm sorry...

but you do look like that girl
that stabbed herself...

and caused all the trouble for Dr. Ron.

Did you ever think that maybe Dr. Ron
caused all that trouble for himself?

Did you ever think that maybe
that girl stabbed the wrong person?

Hello? Hello?

How about we discuss the "why me,"
then I lick the light switch?

Lick the light switch first.

How do I know you're not
lying to me right now?

Lick the light switch.



Whoa.

Oh, God, no.

Now you better tell me.

Tell me why you talk to me!

Because you listen.

That cable could snap
at any moment...

and we could plunge to
our deaths this very evening.

I don't wanna die.
Do you?

No, of course not.

Because life is too precious.
Don't you think?

Oh.

You're like my youngest.
She doesn't talk to me.

I shouldn't complain.
I never really talked to my mother either.

- You must have a mother.
- I have a good mother.

I'd like to think
I'm a good mother.

Well, why doesn't
your daughter talk to you then?

I don't know.
Why don't you talk to your mother?

I don't think she's ready
to hear what I've got to say.

My daughter probably
thinks the same of me.

She'd be right if she were going
to talk about stabbing a person.

I don't see how that could be
anything but disconcerting.

Jaye?

A- A-Are you all right?

- Hello?
- The monkey lied.

There is no "why me," and I'm not
saving anybody from her or him or anyone.

Have I told you about my baby girl?

- She's-She's three. Her name's Olivia.
- Mom?

In here!
Oh, thank God.

Jaye? Where have you been?

The police are looking for you.
The police, Jaye.

You are evading arrest
right now.

Do you know
what kind of trouble you're in?

What is wrong with your hair?

- You must be Sharon.
- Hi.

- Nice to meet you.
- Police!

Get your hands where I can see 'em!

Drop the monkey.

Doc, hold this.

Excuse me, counselor.

I'm sorry how
all this turned out, Jaye...

but you need much more help
than I can give you.

- He said that to you?
- Mm-hmm.

- And then he gave me a referral.
- But stabbing yourself, Angie- Really.

I just wanted him to see
how much pain I was in.

He exposed the rawest,
most vulnerable depths of my soul...

and then just walked away.

That doesn't warrant
setting the man on fire.

But I thought he needed me.

I thought we shared a connection.

But he's already got
a new connection.

He sees her five times a week.

Oh, dear.
Five times?

- Just be thankful you don't have her problems.
- She's a retail clerk.

How many problems
can she possibly have?

- I hate her.
- My daughter's a retail clerk.

- Oh.
- Oh.

She is not a criminal.
She's a misunderstood delinquent.

- I better not see any bruises on her wrists.
- Dr. Ron?

What's going on here?

Mom, I tried to tell you.
The police are looking for Jaye.

No, they're not.
Look who I found.

Angie Olsen!

Didn't you- Oh.

Hi, Dr. Ron.

- You're not allowed within 500 yards of me.
- I know.

- It's really good to see you though.
- Uh-huh.

She's not allowed within


Now, now. Angie has something
very important to say.

And you might want to get your keys out
and uncuff my daughter.

- Tell them, Angie.
- Well-

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

- She was gonna torch you.
- And frame you for it, sweetheart.

Sorry. But I'm calm now.

That power outage saved your life.

"Save him from her. "

Come on, Miss Girl.
On your feet.

Grab that m*rder kit for me, would ya?

I am not getting in the elevator with her.

- Bye, Karen. Thanks.
- Bye.

Good luck, dear.
Crazy.

But you talked her back
from the edge.

I do have some wisdom
to impart, sweetheart.

I know.
I'm sorry.

I guess wisdom
runs in the family.

Thank God.
I have to pee like a racehorse.

- Are you gonna be okay?
- I think so.

No harm done, thanks to you.

Jaye?
I want you to have him.

He's a little creepy now,
and I'm not sure I want him around.

Thanks.

Hi.

I have an apology
and an explanation.

Which do you want first?

The apology.

I am so sorry.

I don't think anybody
has ever been as sorry as I am.

What happened was all sorts of wrong.
But I can explain.

- You don't have to.
- Oh, but it's good, see-

Somebody was gonna get k*lled.

Just not you.

- The anonymous tip was kind of vague, and I-
- Jaye.

Heidi went back to Jersey.

She did?

She's looking for our apartment...

and when she finds it,
I'm going back to Jersey too.

Everything's weird now, huh?

Yeah.

Get the ball, Bud!