11x09 - A New New York Yankee in King Elfo's Court

[bunniefuu]

[♪ Upbeat theme music playing]

-[glass shatters]
-[♪ theme concludes]

[♪ Bright music playing]

Disenchanting news, everyone.

Our delivery boy Fry can no longer compete

with Momazon's "Same Second Delivery."

[Invasa] Hello, face not recognized.

What would you like to order?

One chair, please.

[drone whooshing]

So, I'm being demoted?

[Professor laughing]

There's no down from where you are.

But I think I've found a way
to beat them at their own game.

To the Explaining Dome!

[chair rocket whooshing]

[echoing] Eh, whaa?

Where is everybody?

[♪ Bright music playing]

[Professor] Behold!

Previous Day Delivery?

Excellent guess, Hermes.

You see, I've rebuilt my time machine!

-[zapping]
-[Zoidberg grunting]

Amazing.

[group applauding]

Uh, question?

Don't we die every time we use this thing?

Previously, yes,

because the controls were too complicated.

But now they couldn't be simpler.

[♪ Epic music playing]

[Zoidberg] Oh boy! Is that the new Xbox?

I'm telling you, it's idiot-proof!

We'll see about that.

[grunting]

[♪ Exciting music playing]

Evans!

I need that package delivered yesterday!

Yes, sir, I'm on it!

[dials beeping]

Y'ello, Planet Express.

Senior Vice President Bender speaking.

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

You want it delivered yesterday?!

Can do!

But you gotta pay the day before.

We did.

Huh.

And here's the package.

We must have picked it up
from the warehouse tomorrow.

Delivery boy at your service.

-Backward!
-[lever cranking]

[time machine zapping]

[time machine zapping]

Here's your package, sir.

Don't forget to order it tomorrow.

[package sloshing]

[muffled] I'll try to remember.

A lot goin' on today.

We did it, chums!

And without a single time paradox.

-[door thuds]
-Yet.

Take us home, Time Pilot.

Forward!

[lever cranking]

[time machine whooshing]

[blip beeping]

Should I be worried about that blorp?

That's no blorp... that's us!

[♪ Suspenseful music playing]

Oh dear.

-[glasses whirring]
-Oh dear.

That is us...

heading back from tomorrow
to make this very delivery.

Hold up, if that's us,

why didn't we see us when we were them?

-We were having a slap fight.
-No, we weren't.

-[slaps]
-Ow!

Take evasive action!

I can't! It's idiot-proof!

-[slaps]
-Ow!

[♪ Suspenseful music playing]

[everyone yelling]

[levers cranking]

[time machines whooshing]

[energy warbling]

[energy fizzling]

[Fry grunting]

[everyone yelling]

[electricity crackling]

I knew I could break it!

So, where are we now?

My word, this is incredible!

Fry's furious knob-yanking

has sent us sideways through time.

Where ways?

Let me explain using this
unbranded, slinky-like toy.

This pressure wave represents
normal time travel.

But suppose I introduce
a secondary slink wave

orthogonal to the first.

Like so.

[toy rattling]

Voila! Sideways time travel!

Does that make sense?

So much sense.

Very, very much sense.

[♪ Bright music playing]

Okay, get ready,
they left three seconds from now.

Three... two...

-[time machine zapping]
-[everyone yelling]

-[time machine thudding]
-[everyone grunting]

[Professor and Bender vibrating]

Well, that was dumb.

Oh my, yes.

But it worked!

Previous Day Delivery is a success!

[crew cheering]

[♪ Foreboding music playing]

[Fry vibrating]

Well, a partial success.

[♪ Suspenseful music playing]

Ew! He's dead, and he's starting to smell.

Oh wait, that's Zoidberg.

What happened to him?

I can't be entirely sure.

But I can be pretty damn sure!

It seems Fry has become
trapped sideways in time.

[♪ Dramatic sting]

[Fry snoring, snorts]

What? Is something wrong?

No, no.

No, no, no.

And also, yes.

You've become trapped
sideways in time, Fry.

I'm sure of that now.

Oh no! Is that why I'm
all floaty and pretzeled up?

Seems like the most likely reason.

Let me just put a clamp on you

to keep you from wafting
off with the breeze.

[♪ Somber music playing]

[sniffling] Fry's my best friend.

Would it be okay if I held the string?

That's kind of you, Bender.

Here.

Poor Fry.

-Poor, poor Fry.
-[Fry whimpering]

-Whoo! Around the world!
-[Fry] Whoa!

-Rock the cradle!
-[groaning]

Upside the Zoidberg!

-[Zoidberg grunting]
-[Bender laughing]

Bender, gimme that!

I'm helpless. What am I gonna do?

Aw, come here.

[Leela smooching]

Feel any better?

No, but maybe I will
after I go to the bathroom.

Nope.

[♪ Soft, somber music playing]

[Leela] Cheer up, Fry.

I made you some lukewarm gruel.

-[sloshing]
-[Fry grunting]

-[toothbrush scrubbing, thudding]
-[Fry grunting]

[glass shattering]

[♪ Soft, somber music continues]

-[balloon popping]
-[Fry yelling]

-[rockets whirring]
-[birds chirping]

[Fry snoring, moaning]

Morning, Fry.

Time to rise and mope.

[Fry snorts]

Aw, why did you wake me?

The only time I feel happy
and free now is when I'm asleep.

I'm a twisted husk of the man I once was.

Just push me out the window
and let me float away.

-Okay.
-No!

We could never do that!

Oh, right, 'cause the window's
painted shut.

I'll talk to the super.

[♪ Bright music playing]

Moving on to paragraph three,
subsection 29...

[Fry snoring, moaning]

Oh, thank you, Hermes,

you put him to sleep again.

He looks so happy.

I wonder what he's dreaming of.

[♪ Wistful music playing]

[sighing]

[yawning, grunting]

Whoa.

[♪ Wondrous music playing]

Welcome to Dreamland!

So, this is a dream?

It is?

Am I sleeping?

No, you dum-dum!

It must be my dream.

[Sorcerio] Quiet, you fools!

I'm attempting to marvel at this magical,

-spherical, horseless horse buggy.
-[metal thudding]

Can you, uh, marvel without denting it?

I don't like the looks
of this diabolical dimwit.

Blo-Jo, sound the all-purpose alarm!

-[conch horn blowing off-key]
-[crowd groaning]

Away with you, peasants!

This dope's no dimwit, he's a hero!

I am? I mean...

[in deep voice] I am?

He's defeated everyone's
least favorite enemy, Freckles.

[Dreamlanders cheering]

Huzzah!

I'm gonna steal his little booties
for me children, I am.

[grunting, straining]

My booties don't come off.

I'm a wooden puppet, ya kooky broad!

[gasps] He's alive!

-[wood creaking]
-[grunts]

Not this part.

Sir, what is your name,

that we might proclaim it far and wide
as the savior of Dreamland?

Philip J. Fry.

Really? I don't like that.

We'll just call you Fry. [grunts]

[Dreamlanders] [chanting]
Fry! Fry! Fry! Fry! Fry! Fry!

-[chanting fades out]
-[Fry snoring, moaning]

Wake up, Fry, feeding time.

[Fry gagging, coughing]

Aw, man,

I was in a magical land of wizards
and fairies and puppets.

Honey, that was just a dream.

No way! I mean, the puppet, maybe,

but the rest was real.

And in that world I'm a hero,

not a helpless balloon who can
only move around by farting.

Please, just let me sleep.

[♪ Wistful music playing]

[Fry snoring]

[person clearing throat]

Again, announcing
the mysterious sleepy stranger

who saved our kingdom!

-[kick thuds]
-[Fry grunting]

Whoa, a queen and a cute widdle king.

I'm honored.

I'm Elfo.

And this is my wife, Queen Mop Girl.

-Miri.
-Either one is fine.

Except one of them.

Anyway, Mr. Fry, we're all impressed

by your amazing
puppet-murdering contraption.

It-It's called a time machine.

[Dreamlanders murmuring]

You mean like... a clock?

[Dreamlanders exclaiming]

No, like an actual machine
that takes you through time.

Ah, a riding clock!

Magnificent!

[♪ Grand music playing]

It's true, wee folk.

I am indeed a well-known science genius

from many millennials hence.

Behold my, um...

flashlight keychain!

[Dreamlanders screaming]

The wave of death!

You know stience?

My best friend Bean was super into that.

Yeah, you would've liked her. Hm.

She was a hero, too.

Did she die?

No, she just swam away.

Forever.

But I don't care.
[fake chuckling]

[door creaking open]

Huh?

[♪ Majestic music playing]

All hey former Queen Tiabeanie!

[Dreamlanders] Hey, Bean!

Hey.

Whuh... But you... Huh?!

Hey, Elfo.

I heard Blo-Jo's alarm,
so I figured it was something important

and paddled right over.

Huh. [chuckles]

You forgot your boots when you left.

Eh, I don't wear boots anymore. See?

You can toss 'em.

Maybe I already did.

[♪ Mysterious music playing]

-[portal whooshing]
-[Luci grunting]

Ta-da!

[gasps] Luci! You're alive!

Yeah, I heard Blo-Jo's blat-squawk.

This better be good.

I had to promise God
a billion years of not whining

to get a day pass from heaven.

Yes, well, down to business.

We are here to celebrate
Dreamland's latest hero, Fry.

And I also need a hug!

-[whining] Come here!
-[Luci grunts]

[crying] I missed you so much,
I missed you!

-[♪ Romantic music playing]
-[kiss smacking]

[Fry sniffles]

This is a really touching reunion,

and I don't even know
who the hell any of you are.

[♪ Majestic music playing]

[drawbridge creaking, thuds]

[Bean grunting]

Okay, so this part of the kingdom
is called "town,"

'cause it's the part where the town is.

Whoa, whoa, slow down.

And there's the cathedral
where I almost had to marry

two different do of uses

until I met two even littler do of uses
who rescued me.

[Elfo giggling]

That was the day our trio came together
for the very first time.

-[flames whooshing]
-Nice to meet ya.

They call me Luci.

-[doors creaking]
-[crowd murmuring]

Hi, I'm Elfo.

What are all your names?

[♪ Transition music plays]

Together, we three
defeated the forces of evil,

AKA Bean's sexy mom.

-[chains rattling]
-[Dagmar] I can hear you down there!

Not very well, though.

Speak up if you could.

Ugh, just leave Dagmar in her cage.

She'll either wither away
or go crazy under the sun.

Sounds like an idiot-proof plan to me.

[♪ Upbeat music playing]

Guys, this may just
be the alcohol speaking...

[belching] "scotch"

but I missed you.

Yeah, I also know what it's like
to miss two people.

Friends, let's drink
to drinking with friends.

[mugs thudding]

Amen, brother.

[everyone gulping]

[Luci belching] "Rum."

So, Fry, wanna be
the fourth member of our trio?

That would be fantastic!

But would it still be a trio?

I think so.

I mean, no one here has ever
counted higher than eight anyway.

This is my kinda historical era!

Come on, I brought
something from the future

that's fun for the whole trio.

-[♪ Dramatic music playing]
-[everyone screaming]

[slinky-like toy rattling]

[panting] It's relentless!

It's a high-tech device called a "slinky."

It goes down stairs, alone or in pairs,

and it's also essential for time travel.

Whoa, time travel?

[Fry] Time travel.

[softly] Time travel?

[♪ Dramatic sting]

Well, we heroes certainly
had an eventful day.

-[metallic rattling]
-[yelps]

Keep that thing away from me!

[door creaking]

You can sleep in my dinky old bedroom.

I sleep with the queen in the royal suite.

I.e., Mop Girl on a bale of hay.

I prefer my wording.

Here, you can borrow my nightshirt.

[♪ Soft, mysterious music playing]

Ah, so comfy.

But if I fall asleep,

I might wake up back
in my miserable real life.

I can't!

[mysterious singing]

♪ La, la, la, la ♪

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

Um, what's that bewitching melody?

Well, hello, handsome stranger.

Shall I sing some more,
or are you sufficiently bewitched?

I'm good, thanks.
So, what are you, a witch?

[scoffing] Oh, please.

A scholar of your caliber
knows witches don't exist.

No, I... do.

Those superstitious fools
have caged me unjustly.

My only hope for rescue
is a bold-hearted hero

bearing some sort of
futuristic technology.

I have technology!

[items rustling]

It's known as... a paperclip.

[lock rattling]

Oh yeah, work it, sexy.

[rattling continues]

-[♪ light music playing]
-[birds chirping]

[Fry snoring]

[snoring, moaning]

He's waking up!

[snorts] I am?

-Oh no. No!
-Woop, woop, woop!

Fry, we're worried about you.

You're drifting further and further
into some imaginary dreamland.

It can't be imaginary.

I'm not that creative!

Pfft, I find Fry's nonsense preposterous!

However, science teaches us

that the most preposterous
explanation is often correct.

Well, not often.

Almost never.

Still, can you describe this dreamland?

Well, it's kinda like
Medieval Times Dinner Theater,

except I don't get
food poisoning from the nachos.

[Professor] Hmm.

-[♪ Wistful music playing]
-[Fry snoring]

[Elfo clearing throat]

Fry? Hello?

I'm trying to knight you.

-[sword clinking]
-Wakey-wakey, Fry.

-Fry!
-[yelps]

-Present!
-Now, then.

For heroism, intellectual prowess,

and mastery over the mighty Slinky,

-I hereby...
-[door opening]

Stop the knighting!

[Dreamlanders gasping]

Dagmar has escaped.

She was last seen riding off
with Fry's horseless clock wagon!

Oh no! My time machine.

It's gone!

[♪ Dramatic sting]

After her!

-[♪ Dramatic music playing]
-[horse hooves clopping]

[Laughing Horse snorting]

There's no sign of her!

Except for that sign!

[Laughing Horse laughing]

[Bean laughing]

This is no laughing matter,
Laughing Horse.

How could my mom have
escaped from that cage?

Uh... oops.

What's "oops"? I don't like oops.

I thought I was freeing some other lady

from some other cage.

But it's my fault,
and I swear I'll make this...

[yelling] right!

[Laughing Horse laughing]

-[door thuds]
-[Laughing Horse] Oh.

-[♪ Mysterious music playing]
-[Fry snoring]

[snorts] An evil queen! The time machine!

Elfo's green!

[snoring]

Poor Fry, he's barely coming
out of the dream at all now.

Well, if he can't come out,
we'll have to go in.

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

Dream diapers on?

-[both] Roger.
-Then strap in.

[button clicks]

[♪ Suspenseful music playing]

-[kicks thudding]
-Ow. Ow!

Nice boots.

Your face scuffed them.

Get up. You're going to fix this
infernal time contraption for me.

And if you try any funny business,
I'll k*ll you.

Well, Gomer will.

-[Fry shrieks]
-[Gomer grunts]

Is this... a t*rture chamber?

t*rture chamber, repair shop, your choice.

-[Gomer grunting]
-Hey, hey, quit it, Gomer!

I've broken enough time machines
to know how to fix one.

What's this tool?

-Finger puller.
-Nope.

-Ear tweaker.
-Yow.

-[Dagmar] Spleen puncher.
-Yikes!

-[Dagmar] Dong prong.
-What what?

Just pick one!

I need a Slinky.

What the hell is a Slinky?

Well, you know, a roundy,
boingy thing that's coily.

Oh, like an intestine-yanker.

[metallic rattling]

[Fry] Okay, I can do this.

Lefty loosey, tighty whitey, and...

[intestine-yanker sproinging]

[time machine rattling]

[energy whirring]

[gasps] That worked?

-[sword clanging]
-[Fry gulping]

Where to? I mean when to?

To the day of Bean's wedding,

when that asinine trio first met.

The trio that kept me from ruling
over this whole wretched kingdom.

Only this time,

they are not going to meet.

And then I will rule over
this wretched kingdom.

The wretched part's
the one constant in all of this.

-[lever cranking]
-[time machine whirring]

[whirring continues]

[♪ Upbeat music playing]

-[flames whooshing]
-Nice to meet ya. They call me Luci.

[speech distorting]

Nice to meet ya. They call me...

[Luci choking]

-[glass shattering]
-[Luci screaming]

[Arch-Druidess]
I now pronounce you man and...

-[doors creaking open]
-[crowd murmuring]

Hi, I'm Elfo.

What are all your names?

[speech distorting]

Hi, I'm Elfo.

What are all your... Ow!

-[glass shattering]
-[Elfo wailing]

Quit breakin' my shiny leaded glass!

I've done it! I've changed history!

Bean will go mad,

and I will assume the throne
that is so wrongfully mine.

Have you ever considered
there's a reason people don't like you?

[birds chirping]

[time machine zapping]

[♪ Ominous music playing]

[Dagmar] My realm.

At last!

Do I at least get a reward for helping?

-[feet dragging]
-[water dripping]

[cell door clanging]

[Fry grunting]

[cell door thudding]

-Bean!
-Huh?

Is that my name?

And if so, how do you know my name?!

You won't remember me, but I'm Fry.

In another time, we were friends.

I've never had any friends.

What about me, Old Man Touchy?

You're more of an associate.

And rat squeezer.

I squoze us some good ones.

[Old Man Touchy babbling]

Please, you gotta believe me.

You were a hero when I met you.

And two little weirdos loved you
'cause you fought for what was right

and didn't give a flying nun
what anyone thought.

Did I really not care?

Not one bit.

Listen, I have a time machine.

A what?

-A, uh... A riding clock.
-Oh, okay.

But I need you to help me.

If you can distract Dagmar somehow,

I can go back in time and fix this.

[laughs] Good luck with that.

I'm being ex*cuted at dawn.

[gasps] Then we gotta act before then!

No.

After.

[Fry sniffing]

What smells like bubonic plague?

[♪ Solemn music playing]

[conch horn blowing off-key]

Hear ye, hear ye!

By order of Queen Dagmar,

Princess Tiabeanie shall now be ex*cuted

by chopping off the head until dead.

[♪ Suspenseful music playing]

Stop! She's my daughter!

So I would rather k*ll her myself.

[Dreamlanders gasping]

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

Wow, you're a bad mom.

I can't. I can't do it.

[Dreamlanders] Aww.

Ugh, you never follow through.

For God's sake, do I have
to do everything myself?

-[Bean grunting]
-[axe thudding]

[head thudding]

[Dreamlanders gasping]

[lock rattling, door squeaking]

Bean's distraction is working perfectly.

Come on!

[♪ Suspenseful music playing]

At last! My victory is complete.

Behold the fate of those who oppose me!

-[door closing]
-[Fry] Hang in there, Bean.

I'll be back in the nick of time!

-Backward!
-[lever cranking]

[time machine zapping]

No. No!

[♪ Triumphant music playing]

[time machine zapping]

There, I fixed the timeline.

I think.

This is actually my 38th try.

You okay, Bean?

I'm great. Why wouldn't I be?

Little sore throat.

Anyway, your timing's good.

We were just about to execute my mom.

Eh, let the people
at the end of time worry about her.

[Dagmar muffled grunting]

[time machine zapping]

[everyone cheering]

[Dreamlanders] [chanting]
Fry! Fry! Fry! Fry! Fry! Fry!

You're the hero of Dreamland, Fry.

You'll have fame and riches
beyond your imagination.

Well, that seems like a good amount.

You are gonna have a great life here.

-[♪ Wistful, melancholy music playing]
-A great life... without Leela.

[Leela] Fry! Down here!

Leela?

We came into your dream,

but like right around when
you were in the dungeon.

You mind lettin' us out?

[lock rattling, door squeaking]

Aw, Leela!

I thought I'd never see you again!

-[knocking on head]
-Remarkable!

Fry really is trapped in some
sideways part of space time.

[sniffles] We can't stay long.

Those dream diapers only hold so much.

But if you can't be happy in our world,

I'm glad you're happy here.

[sniffles] Goodbye.

No, no, wait!

I may have wealth and power here,

but if we can't be together,
then I've got nothing.

Please, take me back
so I can be a burden on you.

But we don't know how to bring you back.

Alas, the science of our world
doesn't fully apply here.

[buzzer blaring]

And why would it?!

But perhaps a little magic might help.

That doesn't work in our world,

you strangely familiar clod.

Well, what about some
combination of the two?

Stience plus magic?

I think that's called love.

[♪ Romantic music playing]

[Leela and Fry smooching]

[electricity crackling]

[everyone snoring]

-Huh, huh, what? Ah.
-Ooh!

Wake up, my little burden.

[Fry snorting]

-[Fry grunting]
-Oops!

Yay! I can fall again!

Thank you all for barely giving up on me.

I love you, Leela.

Yoo-hoo! I'm just here for the hell of it.

[♪ Majestic music playing]

[Luci scat-singing happily]