01x16 - Notary Public

[bunniefuu]

The frozer clam

travel to Cornwall with some salt and something truly weird happens.

[music]

Yeah.

Oh, so that's why you pour salt on your crack before you sit on the beach at Cornwall.

That's one of the reasons, bro. I I know it's probably unlikely,

[music]

but do you think maybe it's possible?

That there is a naked Chinese guy humping the sand on the other side of the planet? You were thinking that, too?

No. You're an idiot. [laughter]

[music]

Son [screaming] of a [ __ ] There is so much nice stuff in this catalog. Why do we have such crappy stuff? We've had the same lamp since we

got here. Did you hear Pang got one of those Bendy lamps? Those are nice.

Yeah. Well, I'm sorry. Okay. I wish I could get you any lamp you want, but with the economy being what it is, money's tight, Deej. I work in a cubicle, you know.

Oh, fr. I don't need a Bendy lamp. I'm happy with what we have.

It doesn't sound like it. Sounds like we should watch this awesome clip Massenill just sent us. That guy is such a doofus.

[music]

Using the netty punt can be as routine as brushing your teeth. Lean over the sink and tilt your head.

Gently place [music] the spout into the upper nostril, keeping your mouth open.

So, [music] the solution enters the upper nostril and flows out through the lower.

They told me the queen's age had begun to affect her mental acuity. But it didn't become clear to me until we sat down for tea.

And enjoy the warm, soothing feeling. If my friend said she had some pot to share with me and she showed up with this, I'd be very disappointed.

Refill your net.

Uh, this might be helping your sinuses, lady, but look what it's doing to your haircut. [laughter]

You know who could really use a NY pot?

Uh, nobody. These things are so damn stupid. And so is anyone who would ever use one.

Stupid deed. Stupid idea. It's a stupid stupid stupid. What's all the excitement?

Bobby Denzio is here. He's a notary public. [gasps] A notary public? What the hell's that?

Um, it's it's like he takes papers and like looks them over and then he does stuff and there's a stamp. [gasps] It's just dreamy.

Whoa. Oh, not only is that dude money, that dude Ben had money.

Mr. Denunio, sir, I have a document I need notorized.

Get up, kid. You're embarrassing yourself. Come on.

[groaning]

Oh, yeah. Fancy.

[groaning]

[laughter]

My stamp. It never runs out of ink. The hell's going on here?

Well, [laughter] Mr. Denzio, I'm I'm sure it's not your stamp. It must be my document. It just can't take the ink is all. It's not you.

Oh, now you're mocking me in front of everybody like I'm some kind of shnook.

[screaming]

Oh, Fro. I think this is going to turn ugly. Fro, what are you doing? Mr. Denunzio, you can use my ink.

Who is this kid coming up to me thinking I need ink when I do? My name's the Fro. Mr. Denunzio.

You done good, kid. [music] You done good.

[screaming]

Hey, [laughter] now how about we make it rain in here. Oh.

[cheering and screaming]

Oh, thank you for notorizing my patent licensing agreement, Mr. Denunio. I'm so close to building my machine. I can taste it.

So, the fro, huh? It's a stupid name, but you're a smart kid. When you're ready, why don't you come down to my office and I can teach you [music] a thing or two about the life of a notary

public and its many uh, shall we say, perks. Awesome.

Thank you, Mr. Nunio. I'll be sure to come by. Honey, don't worry. We're going to stop by the ATM, get the cash, and

give it to the kidnappers. They won't have to cut off any more of our little girl's toes. Oh, damn it.

Okay, while you guys rob the bank, I'll just park the car by the ATM and try not to draw any attention to myself.

Awesome. Yeah.

I'll just get some stamps at the ATM and then we'll mail off our auto insurance.

That's a good Holy mother. Yeah, the driver got seriously injured.

DJ and you the pro.

Okay, bro. Before we do this practice exam, just remember the golden rule of being a notary public. Always ask for ID. Always ask for ID. Okay, got it.

What's the golden rule for being a notary public? Uh uh

uh uh. Think, fro. I think

uh uh uh uh

it's tricky. Um but I'm going to go with uh uh always ask for ID. Ding ding ding.

Perfecto, my brother. Fro, you are going to be the best notary, whatever it's called, ever. I know, right? I think I'm

ready to visit Mr. Denunzio right after we watch this sweet clip.

With Tyrone, are you going trick-or-treating? No, probably.

The only thing a black guy can't punch is a time card in the construction industry. Oh, not this again.

Yes, this again, Deej. I'll fight for diversification in the Allied Builder Guild until the Union leadership recognizes that preferential membership

weakens the social fabric, ultimately impoverishing the entire industrial class. I know.

[screaming]

[music]

Hey, well, look who decided to drop in.

[sighs and gasps]

So, have you given any thought to what we discussed?

Oh, I've more than thought about it, sir. I research all about being a notary public. Always check for identification.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up, kid. No, you're not going to learn how to do no not to republicing from no books out on the streets. We got our own set of

rules. Now, if you do what I do, you could have all these nice things.

[music]

Yes, Mr. Denzio. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Right after I watch this sweet clip from Chocolate Marshmallow S'mor Leone,

we're going to eat until we puke. That unwashed hair already has me wanting to puke.

Yeah. [screaming] Yeah.

Okay. I think I just figured out the reason it's taking those guys so long to finish the addition on my neighbor's house.

[laughter]

Wait, I don't get it. Deege, where's the nude picture of your mom they're all looking at? [laughter] Yes. Burn.

You can't follow that.

Sit on it. All right, kid. Time to see if you got what it takes to be a notary public. I'm going to need you to take care of a certain somebody.

take care of somebody. Boys, bring them in.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. There's no need to shove here, okay? That's just rude.

Look, all I need is to get this car title notorized.

[music]

[bell]

I guess I'll need to see some identification before I notoriize this document, right?

[laughter]

identification. That's good. Listen, kid. Rules are like bendy lamps. If you don't bend them, you'll never see the light. [laughter] Now, get to it, kid.

This feels wrong.

[snorts]

Hey, welcome to the club, Fro. See what I did there? I gave you a goofy nickname. I combined your name with the

business that we are in. Hey, Notary Republic, get this guy a glass of freaking dime.

What the hell are we watching? This sucks.

[music]

Yeah, alone.

[music]

I'm not going to lie, this is exactly the voice I thought this dude would have.

[music]

about you all.

[music]

Long past the beach. What up, EXMA?

[laughter]

[music]

[music]

Dude, you know what would make this video better?

Yeah. [screaming] Yeah.

[music]

Stroke it, Mark. Yes. Yeah.

[laughter]

Yeah. [screaming]

[laughter]

That was the best music video ever, featuring a high school science teacher and a girl who doesn't know she's in a music video.

[music]

DJ, the pro.

Wow, fro, this new lamp you bought is like is like the bendiest. I guess being a notary public really does afford you the nicer things in life.

Hey, don't worry about it, Deej. There's a lot more where that came from. Hey, you want a paper clip? You got paper clips, too?

Let's make it rain, baby. [laughter] Yeah, paper clips. All over the place. It doesn't Whoa.

Hey, check out this hot new clip. New car smell just sent us. North Avenue .

Excuse me, mister. You weren't speeding.

I I just had to ask you a question. Do you know where the parking brake is in my car? Because I can't Oh, son of a

[ __ ]

[laughter]

This is going to be so awesome.

[laughter]

Yeah. [screaming] God. [laughter] Son of a [ __ ] Hey, if you had his fat, sweaty a*s and

stinky hemorrhoid donut on your upholstery all day, uh, you'd try to run, too. [music] Hey, you're the fro, right?

I need you to notoriize my moped learner permit application. You know, just got a freaking Vesper. Fro, aren't you going to ask for ID?

Is there a problem here? Bobby says you was good people. No, no, no, no. We're good people.

Fro, what are you doing? I thought checking IDs were the main rule of being a notary public.

DJ, on the streets, we do things a little differently.

On the streets? I don't think I like what I'm hearing, Fro.

Oh, really? Well, you didn't sound so distressed when I bought you that new Bendy lamp. In fact, if I remember correctly, you did the raise the roof gesture for straight minutes. Well,

because I didn't realize at the time that it was paid for with filthy tainted nonID checking money.

Oh, come on, Dee. Like, you didn't know where that lamp came from.

No, if I knew, I never would have taken the lamp in the first place.

Oh, please, Deej. You love that lamp and you love showing it off to your stupid friends. But maybe you'd rather be cubicle mates with Ken over there and his little desk candle.

Bro, you're walking a fine line here. You could get into a lot of trouble.

Look, Deej, if you don't like how Bobby Denunio and I handle our business, then you can watch this sweet clip from Robert Dquo and Joe Flashy.

So cute. Dude, that frog is screaming.

Yep. That's why frogs are called nature's r*pe whistle.

Hey, Fro. That's frog screams like you in a PG- movie. Lay off. You know, I get jumpy during depictions of adult situations.

I just think it's nice to see a [ __ ] fingering a little slimy guy for a change.

You must be the fro. Not much, babe.

Right. Could you notoriize my highman verification certificate? I'm marrying a Muslim.

Anything for you, doll. All right. Oh, hey, keep your ID in your purse, too. Huh?

Agent Skillet, FBMP, Federal Bureau of Notary, public. You are under arrest.

The fro for violating every damn notary rule in the book.

Fro Ken steals cans out of the recycling bin and takes them home.

I'm building my machine. You're coming with me, the fro, right after you watch that sweet a*s clip.

Cool char.

I think the magic has gone out of their relationship.

Yeah. When they were first dating, they would have never have left the TV on while they played Bounty Horse.

[laughter]

Yeah. [screaming] Oh, I think I know where Grandpa's neck on came from.

[laughter]

Wow, you get a pretty long ride for only a quarter. [music] This is a joke. Come on. You got nothing on me. Nothing.

Look, we could spend all day standing around having my ties and pulling a train on a lonely woman who chose her career in the bureau over love. But these charges ain't going away.

Is fro going to jail? But the orange jumpsuit with the hair will be total overkill.

Throw a small time. A tiny microscopic zit on a m*dget's shrunken down anorexic a*s. I want the papa. Bobby Denunio.

I ain't no rat skillet. I don't care how long I go to jail.

What about your little friend? DJ here is quite the accomplice. How long do you think a pretty boy like him would last in the slammer?

I can already taste your fear. I like it.

Uh, can I at least have seconds worth of time to think about it?

Fine, but you better use that time wisely.

[music]

DJ and you the pro.

Oh my god. No way. That horse's neck is so long.

Yeah.

Wow. [screaming] Gross. In the animal kingdom, this behavior is considered drinking piss. Yeah.

Why do I love watching this?

You know, Dej, you can't really know you don't like something until you try it.

It's like that time I took you out for sushi. At first, you were afraid, but then you trusted me and now you love sushi. This really isn't the same.

Drink my [screaming] pee.

[music]

Hey, look at who it is. Fro P Republic.

Hey, Notary Pablo, give my friend a glass of freaking dumb. Mr. Denunzio, I'm afraid I got some bad news. It's the

FBNP. They busted me. They wanted me to rat you out, but I was all like, "No way. Not stick together. Scram, doll."

[laughter]

The FBN, they'll never catch me. I've broken every rule in the book. Do you know I only have over vision? I'm

practically blind. But that doesn't stop me from lighting my cigars with $ bills now, does it?

[sighs and gasps]

You done good, the fro. I sure have done good. But you haven't, Bobby. You've done did bad.

Come and get this, scumbag.

Wait for the signal. I said come get this scumbag. Wait for it.

Oh, thank God. We finally caught up to you, Denunio. Oh, you sure did.

You haven't heard the last of me, Fro Republic. When I get out of this mess, I'm going to track you down, rip out your heart, and stamp you out.

I wouldn't worry about him. The fro, thanks to you, no one is going to see nor hear from Bobby Denunio until

[music] he pays literally hundreds of dollars in fines. Take them away, boys.

Bro, got to say I'm proud of you for busting that loser. And I don't even care that the FBN confiscated our Bendy

lamp. No, I think our old lamp works just fine. Yeah. Well, I realized that being a notary public isn't about bendy

lamps and beautiful ethereal showers of paper clips. It's about like looking at a paper and then something with a stamp.

Yes. [screaming] My machine, it lives. It [screaming] finally lives.

[screaming]

[screaming]

Want more? Go to djinthefro.mtv.com for clips of the show, exclusive interviews with the creators, and more.

Yeah, it's the jizziest.

DJ the proje. [music]

DJ the fro

[music]

the fro chirp. All right.

[music]