01x15 - Sick Kid

[bunniefuu]

the bro.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Or the cameraman?

Yeah.

This is exactly what I imagine goes on in every single Denny's kitchen.

I know I've said it before, but that chick is covered in eggs.

I know. And the ironic thing is that she can't have any children.

A she's barren.

No, actually she has four kids. That's way more sad. Did you see?

Uh, Fro. There's a courier at the front desk. He has a package for you. A package?

Sweet. Brad, are you okay?

Dude, cheer up. You'll get a package someday. You just got to stay positive, keep working hard, and maybe like order something that will arrive in the form of a package.

Not the package. It's just my son is sick and really sick, and he's so young.

I mean, it's hard to be at work when I have such a sick child at home.

Oh, Brad, I'm so sorry. Hey, why don't you just take a personal day? Go home and be with him.

I wish I could, but I've already used all my personal days. I miss him so much.

Wow, that was so depressing. Look, of course Brad's going to be sad. He's got a sick kid at home. But can he at least pretend to be happy for me? I mean, God, I just got a package.

Oh, God. What did you think Falafel was made of?

His next bowel movement is going to look like Radio Shack. A lot of crap and a few antennas.

I'm cool with you eating scorpions, but why do you have to be so damn sexy while doing it?

This clip is cool because it shows that Arabs aren't just a bunch of psychopathic lunatics.

You know what those Saudi guys are thinking? We hate Jews. Exactly.

Extend your index fingers only. No, sir. Don't you hate back and close your eyes?

You close your eyes, sir. I'm not doing the test. Well, you close. Are you refusing this test? No. Yeah, I'm refusing.

All right.

Don't All right. For the final portion of the sobriety test, I'm going to have you say, "I refuse to answer any questions

under the grounds that it may or may incriminate me." I refuse to answer any questions under the grounds that they may incriminate me.

Okay, one more time. A little more slur.

I refuse to answer any questions under the grounds that they may incriminate me. Yeah, that's it. Beef up the anger.

I refuse to answer any questions under the grounds that they may incriminate me.

Interestingly enough, Mr. Turner's really white, but when he's drunk, he always blacks out.

She must Hey, she must be getting him some.

This is the first time Reno has ever made me laugh. Ever.

Package alert. Check it out. I finally got two tickets to go see All Nude Mexican Mud Wrestling next Wednesday

afternoon. Oh, that's awesome. But we have to work on Wednesday.

Dude, I'll just take my personal day. I still have one left.

I think I've got one, too. That's such a good idea, amigo. I'll go get us do those stood papitos from the Elitiano so we can celebrate.

Whoa. What's going on? Brad has a terminally ill kid at home, so we're all donating our personal days so he can be with him right until the end.

Wow, that's really generous. Hey, shouldn't you be happy that you get to go home to be with your son? Yeah, you

know, I would be, but the doctor says he has a month to live and we've only gathered days. I just hope I hope he

dies early so I could be there with him when he goes.

Oh, Brad, I have a personal day left. And you know what? It's all yours.

Problem solved, right? Well, that would be great if this were September, April, June, or November. But it's not. It's July, and July is days.

Hey DJ, do you think the fro has a personal day he could donate

to? H. Well, see the thing about Fro is

he would love to. Now I can be there when he dies. Woohoo.

I better get back to work.

DJ the pro.

How could you give away my personal date?

But Fro, it's the right thing to do.

Sure, we would have had fun watching the wrestling match, but think about how much more fun Brad's going to have watching his son die.

I wish I could watch you die. I've waited my whole life to see an actual naked Mexican. And now I'll never have the chance. I got to find a way to get

my personal day back. Right after we watch this clip I just got from Brager Pete. His clips get old real fast.

If the internet has taught me anything is that everyone makes every crazy jump every time. No exceptions.

Yeah.

Don't worry. He'll be okay. as soon as he finishes dying.

Oh yeah, baby. Daddy's here. I come from the land down under. I'm going to make it like a boomerang and come on back.

I'm going to stick my penal in your colony. I'm going to stuff my bendy into your airwin. I'm going to digo your own

night. That's not a knife. This is a knife. Outback Steakhouse. Yeah, Bloom and Onion. Huh? The movie Australia. Uh

Nicole Kidman. Did I mention I got a knife? Uh, boomerang. Uh, yeah. Son of a

[ __ ]

That clip gave me a great idea. I'll call Brad, pretending to be his son's doctor, and tell him his kid is cured.

Then I'll get my personal day back.

I cannot believe you're actually going to do this, Fro.

Not only am I going to do it, D, but I'm going to do it with an Italian accent. I'll just leave a message. Oh, cheerio.

Brad, this is your son's doctor calling.

Just wanted to let you know that some new test results came back. Turns out your son is cured. There's not a trace

of illness left in his body. It's a miracle. The medical community is astounded. And what better way to

celebrate than by returning to work, giving back your coworker's personal days, and making your friend Fro mix tape. Well, he loved the first one.

A river lying to the father of a sick child.

Huh. I wonder what Mr. Balding would have to say about that.

Yes, I very much also am in wonderment regarding what reaction Mr. Balding would have about the thing you said you were wondering about, too.

I There's probably an easier way to have said that.

DJ the pro.

Now, it's come to my attention that one of you left a disturbing message on Brad's answering machine impersonating his son's doctor. Is this true?

I tried to stop him, sir, but there's just no getting through to him. Fro doesn't understand how painful it must be to have a sick child at home. He also doesn't understand accents.

Fro, why would you do such a horrendous, hurtful thing? I just wanted my personal days back. I What's the big deal? What's

the big deal? Someone has got to teach you a serious lesson. Ah, good. Finally, it's about time.

Fro, you need to call Brad back right now, pretending to be his doctor and tell him that his kid is even sicker than you'd originally thought.

What? That makes no sense.

This isn't about making sense. This is about doing what's right and maybe a little mean, but also potentially really funny when you think about it. Huh?

Fine, Mr. Balding. I'll call Brad. Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, top of the morning to you, Ly boy.

Hey, is your son's doctor calling you back again? Hey, bad news. Very unlucky but very good news for the cancer said before.

Wa sick nasty dude. This is the kind of thing you only can find on the internet.

Seriously, you could never find this kind of disgusting crap on television.

I know it. But if they did put it on TV, you can bet someone would ruin it with stupid yucks and hacky oneliners.

Yeah, there would be more poorly constructed gags than a Malaysian SNM warehouse.

Nailed it. Too true, my friend. Too true.

Son of a [ __ ] Sweet. Finally, a rap song about girls

butts with a video that also shows their butts.

Listen, things when I'm inside.

Gosh, bro. I never thought of it before, but women's behinds are quite attractive.

What are the odds that they would both lose their contact lenses at the same time?

Dude, what are you still pissed about? I did what Baldwin told me to do. If anything, I should be the one who's pissed. I still can't go see nude Mexican mud wrestling.

Okay, that's it. Obviously, your parents never taught you how to be a good person. And Mr. Balding obviously won't, so I guess it's going to be up to me.

Ow ow ow.

You're coming to Brad's house right now to apologize to him in person. Fine, I'll apologize right after we watch this

weet clip from ambitious glory hole worker. That dude is such a blowhard.

Well, today s's got a job to do. She's going to clean it early.

I'm going to clean my horse's sheep aw

right out of the gate. This horse's inverted p*nis is staying deep inside as hot British Handy Girl rounds the bend with Orange Bucket and Damn That's Got to Feel Good Sponge making a way deep inside this horse's inverted p*nis. This

horse's inverted p*nis is still coming inside while Soie Hot British Handy Girl pulls out and damn that's got to feel good sponge joins orange bucket while he's got a dirty word.

Annoying cameraman's commentary begins to break away and joins Bonerkiller in last place. But that's not going to stop hot British Handy Girl as she once again joins this horse's inverted p*nis with

damn That's got to feel good sponge leaving orange bucket and annoying cameraman's commentary. And oh yeah, it's going to be close as hot British Handy Girl is making a play for the

finish with this horse's inverted p*nis and the first to finishes. Here's me. All done.

And it's DJ finishing first with Get Son of a [ __ ] Fro close behind finishing second.

Dude, this is so weird. I feel like we never leave the office.

Oh, hey. Shouldn't you be at work considering you have no personal days left? Yeah, but Fro here here has something he really wants to tell you.

Fine. Listen, Brad, I guess I sort of should probably say to you that I that I'm

I'm

up, Dad. I just broke into Snookie's garage and scored us some Mad Dog. Who are these lamazoids?

DJ the pro. I love you.

I love you. I love you.

This is way more satisfying than the cat who said, "Let's just be friends." I love you.

You know, de his mouth is saying I love you, but his red rocket is saying he's moved on.

No, no, no. Everything is no with you, Ma. Your constant negative attitude is a big part of why we're putting you in this home.

Do you regret your role in the baton death march? No.

Do you think it was wrong for America to b*mb Hiroshima? No, you say.

Do you allow black customers in your grocery store?

No. Do you know what a turn signal is for? No.

Have you ever openly expressed an honest human emotion? No.

Her head is saying no, but that robe is saying open for business.

Grandma. Grandma.

You son of a [ __ ] In years of doing this, I've never seen such audacity. Who do you think you are?

Now, I know your name is Brad. That was a rhetorical question.

Wow, Mr. Balding's really ripping Brad a new one in there. Yeah, just like

Elaracho n*gro is going to rip the Flying Chalupa, a new one in the ring tomorrow.

Um, uh, hey guys, get out of here, Brad. We have work to do. We don't want to catch some fake disease like your son, if that's even his real name.

Listen, if I could go back in time and make him terminally ill, I would. Okay?

It's just that he's been teaching me how to do a front side rodeo flip, but I'm this close to landing it. Damn it, man. Hasn't there ever been something

you really wanted to do instead of going to work? Huh? Hasn't there?

You know, maybe.

Okay, gather around, people. Please gather around. I'm sure you've all heard the terrible news. Brad's son does not

have a terminal disease. Brad created this entire whimsical fantasy so he could steal your personal days.

I know. I know. Please. Please. Come on.

Now, because you're the victims here, I'll leave it to you to decide the appropriate punishment.

Let's dock his pay. I say we fire his a*s.

Let's sleep with his wife. I say we take out my teeth and his Let's k*ll his kid.

Get him. Okay. Okay. Okay. Calm down, everybody.

Please. Now, I think we can all agree that k*lling Brad's son is the perfect way to resolve this situation. So, Ken,

if you'll be good enough to slit his throat, we can all get back to work. No, wait. Fro, you have something to add?

Yes, I do. And I'll add it right after we watch this clip from Dame Judy Stench.

Whoa. H do. More like hidden. Don't Yeah.

I don't have a problem with the ear hair so much as his choice of ear hair style.

I mean, the emo look is so five minutes ago.

This dude also holds the record for the world's least experienced p*nis.

Me, I'd be satisfied having far less ear hair than that,

dude. Deeds, this is the gizz, I think. Actually, I'm not I'm not sure what this is.

This guy is a hero in the Middle East.

Nobody loves seeing white tears more than the Arabs.

All right, listen. What Brad did was wrong, but who among us hasn't tried to skip out on work to do something that

was really important to them? For me, it was going to see nude Mexican mud wrestling. For Darin, it was getting a hyerectomy, whatever that is.

And for Brad, it was hanging out with his son.

But he lied to us, Kitty. His son might not be sick in the

traditional sense, but he's totally sick. He can do like a oy into a nose grind while simultaneously

shredding Black Sabbath cords on his sick Stratocaster. He likes Watermelon Mad Dog. And he's got a friend named

Snookie. I mean, come on. Ask yourselves, people. If you had a kid as sick as Brad's kid, wouldn't you want to

spend as much time as humanly possible with him? That's why I'm going to give my personal days back to Brad and my

nude Mexican wrestling tickets. Brad, enjoy your sick kid. Dude, I want you to have my personal days, too, all over my face.

I really every single one I have.

Thank you all so much. You're the sickst workplace acquaintances a guy could ever

ask for. Come on, son. Why don't you show your old man that front side rodeo flip one more time?

Sure thing, Dad.

No, my son. He's gone.

Well, I guess he wasn't that sick after all.

Want more? Go to djinthefro.mtv.com for clips of the show, exclusive interviews with the creators, and more.

Yeah, it's the jizziest.

DJ, the pro

DJ, the pro

The fro chirp.