01x09 - 100th Episode Party

[bunniefuu]

who's james blake what do you live in a cave he's the g*y guy on hey rebecca

hey look everybody it's james blake's father sammy live and in person hold your applause till the end

say any dirty little secrets you'd like to reveal about your son mr blind my own flesh and blood please sir not a chance

let's see if we can't persuade old sammy to give us just a little tidbit as a child jamie loved to t*rture animals the

more defenseless the better

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low five

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low five

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hey cool awesome here's your order of ribs sammy where do you want them in my belly liza minelli when did you get a dog i didn't my

boyfriend went out of town and rather than invite me he broke up with me and stuck me with it

i don't know mark can i just have a few people over to celebrate the th episode of hey rebecca james we're

talking about one of the biggest hits on primetime television the timeless tale of a g*y man who moves in with some lady

so he can get closer to the ruggedly handsome building super mark hey rebecca is about a guy pretending he's g*y so we can share an apartment with a supermodel

he's obsessed with i don't know what show you're watching anywho the important thing is the public is eating it up with a straw james a

straw yeah like i said can i just have a few people over james this is hollywood okay maybe you're unaware of this but we

do things big here can you see the hollywood sign up on the hill up there sure you can and you know why because

it's big aren't you getting a little carried away carried away like a fox so who's with me uh okay that's the spirit now let's move

on to the next piece of business what lucky lady will be escorting you to this fine event i don't know maybe i'll take kathy

james oh what part of big don't you get look if there was a bagometer okay and i think there should be then kathy would

register somewhere in the area of not big uh come on don't talk that way about her kathy this kathy that what up with that

nothing it's just i don't know the truth is i kind of actually really what what what meh

it's just she's my assistant every now and then like throw her bone that's all

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what the hell is this bill sammy hey let me see that thank you son it's so easy for you isn't it just

floating around not a care in the world actually it's a great deal of work i just make it look easy he does doesn't he you haven't worked an honest day in

your life honest day i haven't worked any day underwater five that's because you couldn't sure i could i just choose

not to sammy you couldn't hold down a job if your life depended on it well guess what

buddy it doesn't but if i had to i could really care to bet on that yes i will bet you and that gary is how i work i

just worked you class dismissed hey kathy i've decided to throw that th episode party how nice for you yeah well

i was wondering if you'd like to come to the party with me like as part of my job um no like i'm busy that night i i

didn't say what night what night is it friday yeah friday that would be the night i'm busy friday night oh that's that's too bad okay yeah okay now if

you'll excuse me i've got to throw the dog a bone

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two weeks minimum two days maximum one work week five days a work week is five days

it's put up or shut up time okay i hold down a job for one week and and you have to legally change your name to mine

dumbass mcgee samuel charles blake jr done and if you lose you have to walk

sunset boulevard for one whole day wearing a sign that says number one deadbeat dad

i'm the greatest fisherman in the world how's that dad i just landed a -pound sucker without using a hook

brian i can't believe you forgot to call the air-conditioning repairman again now i'll have to prance around in these skimpy little undies for yet another day

i swear this heat is playing with my short-term memory spritz and cut good rehearsal people

listen i just got off the phone with the alyssa milano people good people james and while the details have to be ironed out she has agreed in principle to be

your date to the party aren't we going a little overboard overboard like a fox you need to be seen with a star as big

as you and alyssa milano is it all right i'll call her and ruin the kit and the caboodle james a star of your magnitude

does not call a star of her magnitude about a date of this what's the word i'm looking for size

right no we don't need a dessert cart hey cat i'm on the phone great so next friday at

six yes of course i meant friday night who throws a party on a friday morning all right thanks i'm sorry what did you want to say oh

didn't you hear my date for the party is alyssa milano yeah she actually happened to be free friday night oh

wow that's great yeah go figure big star like her anywho i read on the internet that she enjoys the kiwi oh really so i

hear anyway can you make sure we have lots of kiwi things kiwi things yeah you know like uh kiwi right oh one more

thing yes let's get a dessert card for the party

mr blake while your resume is quite intriguing this company isn't interested in how many women you've slept with why is that because your numbers are a

little on the low side and mine are a little on the high side low five

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and begin okay t t where's the t there's no t there she is

f of the r shouldn't it be after the s makes sense you know i'm really more of a people person

a person for people i'll let myself out i'm sorry i really don't see you fitting

in here it's because of my age isn't it no it's because your resume is horrendous i see perhaps it would help

if you checked my references lincoln jefferson and washington and their friend cole harjani

if you get my drift

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welcome aboard just be here next friday at .

all right james i finally tracked down a caterer available next friday who makes those kiwi appetizers alyssa loves uh

kathy was i not talking no always with the attitude hello

hold on it's your date alyssa milano it's the preliminary meet and greet maybe i should take this in the other

room nonsense here's james for you alyssa hey james how you doing fine how are you great i am so looking forward to

your party yeah yeah me too so alyssa i'm a huge charmed fan you know really i wish i could say the same

about your show hello kidding

[Laughter]

seriously i think you're hysterical and i can't wait to meet you on thursday oh yeah well you mean friday no my agent said the party was thursday i'll be out

of town on friday alyssa mark jacobs here there seems to have been a miscommunication but don't

you worry uh we will see you on thursday okay oh well going through a tunnel losing you bye

mark we can't just change the day of the party yeah have an arrangement's been made and invitations sent out relax jamie mark jacobs to the rescue kathy

take care of it

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it's semi time folks

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hey buddy got the time nine o'clock hey thanks pal

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hey fred you got the time am yes hi this is james blake's assistant

calling to tell you his party has been changed from this friday to thursday sorry for the inconvenience okay

bye-bye now where the hell is my pager

oh my god no way

no mark there will be no disco ball because a it's an outdoor party no ceilings and b is a disco ball

and here's your beeper i gotta go mark i'm sorry anything else just your bill

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well well what have we here oh just the happiest member of the workforce this side of the mason dixon

oh really sure only two more days right it's not too late to call the whole thing off yeah

they do say betting between family members is seldom a good thing ha i knew you couldn't do it how wrong you are if

workers taught me one thing it's the the screw you i'm going to bed

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damn damn

no no no no this is not what i asked for i thought you said you wanted a gazebo oh

this is a gazebo james we have a problem with alyssa no not with alyssa it seems

we have no c*ck waitresses what how can we have no c*ck waitresses i know i know it seems someone well me

forgot to call them and switch the night well someone you is just gonna have to serve the drinks yourself fine

kathy it would really help i said fine oh mr sammy i made you an after work

c*ck no thanks pilar dios mio what have they done to you

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the party has all the makings of a success quite the celebrity turnout oh look sylvester stallone hey sly

hard as a rock you called a celebrity look-alike service didn't you what what what makes you think that uh i don't

know let's ask bogey well here's looking at him kid anyway alyssa got the flowers that you

think i sent her flowers yes you did and her people tell me that she loved them you know what i love about her her brother no her height and believe me

that took some doing james you know how many women look freakishly big standing next to you no no no it's true

yeah hey how are you good i've been looking for you

wow this is a great place thank you kiwi no thanks i'm allergic damn internet rumors kathy kiwi come on

she's new

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come on blake don't go out there you gotta fight it you're the man

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oh hello son you woke the old man from a post-work power nap what can i do for you well i just wanted to say that i am

proud of you sammy you set your mind to it and you did it why thank you gary that's sammy jr after you finish work

tomorrow well cheers

so good night what do you mean good night the night is young look at me go chugga luga lipton

sucker

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okay two whiskey sours a ramen coke vodka tonic and a double shot of tequila so i says to him peterson this department was nothing till i got here

and you damn well know it and what did peterson say what could he say when sammy blink tells you what's what then

that's what's what's the question the question was can i top you off

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i have a confession to make i was really nervous about meeting you why well i mean

you're mango man yeah so you know tony danza

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word of advice son ain't a woman around who don't like the sound of a zipper going down low five oh mr sammy so nice

to have you back now get your hand off my a*s

ugh i can't believe him there you go what oh two whiskey sours a ramen coke vodka tonic and a double shot of tequila i

said there you go got a problem pal

i make my living as a stallone look alike what do you think hey two more right here

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this one here well that's where your hand bends like this

oh go ahead just do it do it already james what did you want to show me

what are you doing not in private yeah right come here i am not getting any press kissing you in the bushes this was a publicity stunt james you did know

that right oh yeah oh yeah yeah no that's cool

anyone ever tell you you look like who is this don't tell me it's on the tip of my toe

extras no you do work your k-mart emily do you see what's going on he's

drunk let's dance what really

kathy are you plastered oh just a teensy bit what's wrong i'll tell

you what's wrong that one person can have no idea of all the things another person does for them just to make sure you

stupid party on your stupid date not moira go perfect thank you very much

james james a little discretion i mean i like to play the field myself but alyssa may be watching yeah trust me alyssa's

fine with it oh sounds like that huh oh no i think i'm gonna be sick no

you're not i was wrong well someone's in a good mood tonight

you better believe it ah come on just a little longer we're

almost there do you stink uh actually that would be you shut up what did i do

plenty pal plenty you took a m*ssile amano to the party that's right you heard me but i

asked you first liar what do you mean you threw me a bone first what are you talking about kathy's my

assistant and every now and then i like to throw her a bone oh okay you know what you're right mark asked

about us and and i panicked and you know why because i didn't want to tell them the truth because the truth is you know what i'm just gonna tell you

the truth is

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lay down

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with time to spare

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she was worth it