01x04 - Global Warming / Hall Monitor

[bunniefuu]

Please welcome little George. Last

weekend Al Gore had his big live Earth

concert to stop global warming. Hey Al,

check The Weather Channel. Planet still

warm. You failed. Mission unaccomplished.

Tonight's episode, the story about

getting free ice cream back in history.

My science report is titled An

Inconvenient Truth. I'll tell you an

inconvenient truth. Little Al got fat.

Very funny. What isn't funny is that the

earth is heating up. Or maybe that extra



you up. Look, this issue is more

important than silly partisan bickering.

Now speaking French. Typical fat guy.

George, Little Owl isn't really that fat.

Well, I know that, but I'm saying it

loudly and repeating it a bunch of times

so everyone thinks it's true. It's called

the No spin zone. If we don't act soon,

within 100 years all of us will be

underwater. What if he's right? Which is

why I put together a big concert to

spread awareness. Lil live Earth. Very

good. Little Al, you get an A. Up next

is Little George with his report, How a

Light Bulb Works. Sorry, teaching, need

more time. The science on this

complicated issue is still out, but don't

worry, I'm forming a panel that will

deliver a report within the next five

years. Very good little George A + A

plus. Why didn't I get an A plus?

I swear, little Al, if you ask for

another recount, you're gettingdetention.

I'm so sick of all this save the planet

garbage. Yeah, God gave us the planet as

a gift to exploit and destroy. And once

we're done with it, we'll have the

rapture and Jesus will come down and

drive us all back to heaven. It is big

wooden bus cool. And what happens to

everybody else? All the Jews, Muslims,

Hollywood entertainers, activist judges

and puppeteers will be burned alive in a

bloody fireball. Now. Sweet dreams, young

man. Uh.

Hello. Well,

look, hot stuff, I don't have any fudge

for you. I haven't come seeking fudge

this time. But look, I know we are very

different, but if I can convince you that

global warming is real, then I can

convince anybody. Little George.

I'm sorry, I was trying to think of a fat

joke for when you said how we were

different, you know, like, yeah, we're

different, all right? By about £100.

Anyway, will you and your friends come

over to my house tomorrow so I can show

you why we have to act fast to save the

planet?Huh. Oh, OK, I guess so.

At least I'll give me some time to punch

up my fat material. Great.

Wow, what is all this stuff? Oh,

different inventions. I've been working

on this ones. A series of ropes that

I've interconnected to form a net. What

is it called? The Internet. I don't know

why everyone got so upset when I said

I invented it. I use it to catch

dreams. Little Chinese got a great idea.

Can we hook that up to someone's

testicles and t*rture him? Ouch. Pouch

ram around, No. It's a

time travel machine. I want to take

you into the future and show you what

will happen to the Earth if we don't act

fast. Time travel. That's the first thing

you've said That was awesome. Let's do

it, g*ng.

But we've arrived 100 years in the

future. Now, I warn you, the world you're

about to see may shock and disturb you.

What the heck? Sorry Al, a monkey with

those state tap buttons. Me and the guys

had an important stop to make two years

in the past and check it out. Attention

all children. My freezer is broken so

today all my ice cream is free.

You hijacked my time machine for this.

You could have gone anywhere in history.

Nope, I can't think of a more important

Day in History than free ice cream day.

But hey, look, there's us in the past. We

were so innocent then. Wouldn't it be

cool to tell the past us all the things

we know now? I got a better idea.

Hey you little punks, give us your ice

cream so we don't have to wait in line.

Maybe you should layoff those kids

because we got to get going, but maybe

you should lay off the chip with you

fatty high 5. There's something about

this kid I like. Look, you had your ice

cream and gotten to beat yourselves up.

Now everybody into The Time Machine. I'm

taking you into the future. This is

serious. A little AL's right. Everyone

get one more ice cream and then into The

Time Machine.

Welcome to New York City



Oh.

That's it is awesome. Little Al. I can't

wait for the future. It's like they

turned the planet into the biggest water

park ever. No, it's not. Don't you get

it? There is no life here. Even better,

no lines. Forget you morons. People all

around the world are going to watch my

concert and they'll get the message. We

can save the earth without you. A crony

squad. Huddle up. Come on. It's bad if

the planet's temperatures don't rise even

a couple of degrees. It could turn this

awesome water park into simply an average

water park. Now we have to go to that

concert and tell people not to do

anything. Let's do it. All right, We

talked it over, and you're right. We have

to do something to save the planet.

Really. Yeah. Save it from you. Right.

Come on.

Now to save the day, little George, this

is the wrong year. Not the wrong year for

ice cream. We'll load up and then go stop

that concert. Look, it's us from two

hours ago. Bringing freedom and democracy

to us from two years ago. We were so

innocent then. We're two hours smarter

now. Idiots. Hey, what's the little

Cheney doing?

Trainee, quit forming a barbershop

quartet with past versions of yourself.

We got to get back to the President.

Save the Earth. 'S.

I have a couple of questions for you. Are

we going to recycle?

Now, normally we just smash our

instruments and get out of here, but

we're not going to be wasteful today.

Oh.

No, people are really falling for this

whole global warming thing. What are we

going to do, George? I don't worry. God,

they may have the truth on their side.

We've got heart. It still counts and now

we've got to come up with a plan. Awesome

show. Hey boys. Hey, Toby. I like your

sock style outfit. It shows the people

how with global warming you don't need

clothes, but you'll still need to hide

your dirty bits. It's pretty awesome.

This thing is going out to 2 billion

people, huh? 2 billion? Oh man, this is

worse than I thought. We're going to have

to get out there right now and start

changing some minds pronto. We're

actually on next. Sure you are, sake.

Hey, you can't do this. We're alternative

rock stars. Give me back my sock. Come

on, at least give us the delivery. Ladder

And now a little owl will have someone to

tell all his crazy theories about how the

planet's getting hotter and they'll be

stuck there because I took the control

panel. Please

welcome the little Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Hello, world. I want to say a few words

about global warming. I know it's hip to

care about saving the planet, but let's

get real. Come on. If we're really going

to make a difference, it's going to hurt

the American economy. You see, you can't

have your cake and drill it too. Now

think of the ice caps as icing on that

cake. Now that icing is melting. Now come

on guys, with oceans full of icing be so

bad. Then we'd have sweet icing soup for

all the children of the world. Now trust

me, I've seen the future and it is

awesome. It's like they took that icing

soup and turned it into the biggest,

wettest, most fantastic water park ever.

So buy yourself a Hummer, crank up the

AC, drive over a couple of stupid

dolphins, and then dump a bunch of old

car batteries into the ocean. Woo.

We're losing them and these people only

understand one language. Rock'n'roll. And

luckily it's the one language I speak

fluently. Hit it, g*ng.

Global warming is OK now. What coal

company say now? We should all go out and

pay now.

Blue the oceans water way now melts

glaciers all the way down. Heated up like

Bobby play now.

Gloaming.

I don't want to agree with him, but

somehow it makes sense when set to music.

Yeah. Plus I do hate dolphins.

Give a hoot balloon goodnight.

Well, we did a g*ng, we saved the planet.

It's nice to know that if you care enough

about something, you really can make a

difference. Backstage betties were rare.

Looks like Cheneys going to do some

global warming of his own.

Good one that kills me.

I spy with my little eyes something

that begins with a W. Is it

water like the last 40 times? No,

it's different this time.

Is it warming because you

can't see warming? Oh.

Then it's water.

Hey g*ng, stay tuned. The only thing

you'll find on the other channels is

fear, uncertainty and doubt.

Tonight's episode that Tom Neal brought a

dude lady home.

Well hey g*ng, guess what job I got?

Hall Monitor. You sure know how to ruin

a guy's fun. Hey

but check out this great sash. It's like

a name tag for your job. See, helps me

remember what I am. It's like an extra

brain on my shirt but it's diagonal.

Hey, little McCain, maybe you haven't

read my sash. I'm the hall monitor. You

got to pick that up. Why should I? What

is it about my diagonal brain? You don't

understand. Now pick it up. Somebody

could slip on it. Oh, yeah. Prove it.

Well, all right, I will.

Dang it, let's say that's why it's

nice spell Exxon.

Why are you laughing at me, McCain? I'm

the hall monitor. Hall monitors don't

have any real power anymore. And that's

the straight talk.

Man, I hate that guy. Chocolate

milk is the best beverage ever. It's good

both hot and cold. And that's the

straight talk. And why does everybody

like that little John McCain so much? He

doesn't respect the sash. And this things

real rayon too. It's not like the old

days. Ever since little Nixon wore the

sash, the power of hall monitor has gone

downhill. A little rummy. What the hell

you talking about? Uncle Kissinger was

telling me and little Chaney all about

it. Ram around, flashback. Ram around.

Rumble rumble. *** **** Jews. Rumble

rumble good. Grumble, grumble, filthy

hippies. Grumble, grumble rumble, rumble.

Make w*r not long. Rumble rumble.

Back then, kids were so scared of

hippies, the hall monitor could do

anything he wanted. You see, George, fear

equals power. So if I wanted the power to

crush McCain, all we'd have to do is find

some hippies, huh? I don't think that's

what he meant. Now, all day you been

riding my *** like a rodeo clown, and

that's it. I'm promoting Rummy to be my

#1 crony. God, you're demoted? What? No

Fear a careful con or I will knock you

down another spot, and then you're gonna

be behind Lieberman. I've got Jomentum.

Hey mom, where can I find some hippies?

We do not use the H word in this house,

young man. OK, I'll add it to the list.

Neil, where have you been for the last

three months? Around you. You know I was

an Asian stuff. And who are your friends?

Oh, them. There are a couple of Thai

prostit*tes I've been backpacking with.

One of them is a dude. How you doing?

Just don't let them near your father. You

know he's allergic to Asian people. Bar,

have you seen my book of carpet swatches?

Oh God. My

hydrangeas. Neil, get your camping

buddies out of here. All right? Come on,

horse. Hey, Pop.

Oh God.

Hey, Neil, what's crack lacking, bro?

We're going to find some hippies to freak

out the school. Oh, man, I've always

wanted to go back there and freak their

beans. But you don't need me. You and

your friends can do it. There's a hippie

inside all of us. You just need to let

him out. How do I find my inner hippie

though? Yeah, just eat these and you and

your friends will take an executive style

power trip. Then you'll definitely freak

out your school. OK. But thanks,

Neil. Thanks, Horse. No problem. OK,

cronies, Here's the deal. My crazy

bisexual brother says all we need to do

is eat this paper and it will freak out

the school. When everyone comes in

Monday, we'll be greeted as liberators

from the hippie menace. All right, g*ng,

let's all be good hippies and start

spreading fear.



Jose, can you see?

We threw out the Constitution.

I want a very scary make him wear

each time find me blinder heeby Kitty.

Watching.

Fear, fear, fear.

Oh no, I don't work school pals, your

hall monitor is on the JOBI will find

these dirty hippies who so hate our

freedoms, even if it means they have to

strip away every one of those freedoms to

do it.

And that's the straight talk.

Hey, little George, pretty sweet gig you

got going here. Too bad you can't be hall

monitor forever. As soon as the principal

sees my petition with all these

signatures, I'll be wearing that sash.

And that's the straight talk.

Gosh Dang it. All these ridiculous rules.

Why isn't that guy slipped up yet? Why

do we need to wait for him to

slip up? Rami's right. Come on, g*ng,

it's time to take home the garbage.

I tell you, it's the reason the word

chocolicious was invented, and that's the

straight talk. Ladies and

Americans, I've caught the hippie who's

been terrifying our school a little. John

McCain, you're going to detention for

suspicion of hippie type activities. Let

me see the proof. Oh, we can't do that.

It's too dangerous. It would empower our

enemies. And uranium. No, wait, you can't

do this. I've done nothing wrong. Well

say, if you've done nothing wrong, you

got nothing to hide. And if you got

nothing to hide, you don't mind being

locked up. Here's what we call circular

logic means there's no holes in it and

take them away where I mean.

And that's the straight talk. Turn it

around on. See what I did there?

No wait, what are you doing? This whole

thing is against school rules. This

detention hall is a non school property.

It's in the Cuban restaurant next door.

Enough talk, it's time for

dessert.

Good news, little George. I fixed McCain.

Watch this. Hey, McCain, let's hear some

more straight talk. George Bush and

all of his policies. Wow, that's great.

How did you get him to abandon that

pesky integrity of his? Well, let's just

say I changed his mind.

I'm around brain freeze, Ram around.

Awesome. Now he's a mindless toady who

will do anything I say. Welcome to the

team.

Well g*ng, we had to get our hands a

little dirty with t*rture and drugs, but

it all worked out because we didn't get

caught the hippie freak out. We

heat up with your

beans, Neil, No.

You lied to us.

When things go this monumentally bad, I

guess there's only one thing to do.

I realize that if a mistake is made, a

true leader must step forward, much like

in that game Red Rover, which I happen to

be very good at.

If somebody must take the blame, I will

take it and then I will put it on little

rummy. You're blaming me? Yes, little

Rummy. I accept your resignation.

Somebody had to take the fall. Come on

now. Go away and pretend we're never

France. I also want to have my hall

monitor sash to a man who truly will lead

as I have. And that's little John McCain.

I support little George Bush and all of

his policies. Little George, what are you

doing? Oh, don't worry, little cow.

McCain's one of us now. Plus, we screwed

this school up so bad. Let him deal with

it. Whatever my second Ferrari, I

support little George Bush. With all this

policies, I support little George Bush.

Well, it looks like me like a little

change on the Straight Talk Express.

Do you think?The global warming is real

now. Does anyone have any serious

questions? Yes, you. How many times did

you go back in time for free ice cream?

At least three. Hold on.

There. Now it's 4. How did you do that?

I can't tell you. Executive privilege.

Oh, crap. Rum Raisin. Oh, this sucks. I

don't think you fully understand the

dangers of time travel. How's your job

feel? You're fine. Why?

It hasn't failed now. Now it hurts.

That's because I went back in time and

punched you in the jaw.