♪ Dodging girls like ping pong ba*ls ♪
♪ Just to reach the bathroom on time ♪
♪ Leaping over laundry piles ♪
♪ Diapers you can smell for miles ♪
♪ Guy's gotta do what he can to survive ♪
♪ In the Loud House, in the Loud House ♪
♪ Duck, dodge, push, and shove ♪
♪ That's how we show our love ♪
♪ In the Loud House, in the Loud House ♪
♪ One boy and ten girls ♪
♪ Wouldn't trade it for the world ♪
♪ Loud House♪
♪ Loud, Loud House ♪
Poo-Poo!
[blues rock music playing]
[heavy rock music playing]
[wailing]
[gasps]
Awesome rehearsal, dudes!
We're gonna crush it at the Beats in the Heat Festival!
[phone pings, vibrates]
[gasps] You guys! I just got an alert!
Our video for "Play With My Band"
just hit , streams!
-[all gasp] -[Mazzy] What?!
-That rocks! -Dude!
Remember what we said we'd do when this happened?
Go to Dairyland and have our heads shaved
in front of a live audience?
[crowd cheering]
No, dude.
You were outvoted three to one.
What we agreed to do
was get matching Moon Goat tattoos! Remember?
We even pinky swore.
[all] Oh, yeah!
-Tat Shack it is! -I'm down.
Me too, but last I checked, if you're under ,
you need a parent with you.
No prob.
Let's talk to our parents tonight
and I'll make an appointment for tomorrow.
How's
-Yeah! -So stoked!
[tattoo g*n buzzing]
Whoa!
Excuse me, I'd like to make an appointment?
Whoa! You got your face tattooed on the back of your head?
Cool, right? Anyway, what brings you in?
Uh, can you take four people tomorrow at
[pained grunting] Luna!
Fancy seeing you at the Tat Shack!
Hey, Chunk! Yeah, me and the Moon Goats
are getting our first tattoos!
Ah, I remember getting my first tattoo.
This beaut here.
It symbolizes me love of rock 'n' roll!
Sick!
It hurt a bit at first,
but I just bit down on me nose ring
until I could see straight again.
[whimpering]
And here's me mum!
I had her inked over my heart, 'cause I love her so much!
-Didn't hurt a bit. -Phew!
Once I blacked out, that is.
That bad, huh?
Ah, don't stress.
The pain isn't too bad.
Unless you get one on your arm.
Or your legs. Or stomach.
Oh! Or your back. Or your skin.
Come to think of it, I suppose the only place it doesn't hurt
to get a tattoo is on someone else!
Now hold still, Chunk man.
I gotta finish!
[hesitantly] You don't seem in pain right now.
Oh, that's just 'cause I left me body.
Hello, mate!
I come up here when the pain
gets really unbearable.
Great. Uh, uh, uh, cool.
Cancel my appointment.
I-I just remembered I'm busy tomorrow.
Was it something I said?
Ooh, getting close to the spine. I can't watch.
What am I gonna do? I can't go back on a pinky swear,
but you guys know I have a low pain threshold!
I passed out when I got these earrings!
And they're clip-ons! Ah!
Relax. Dad will never let you get a tattoo anyway.
You can blame it on him.
You're right!
He'll say no and that'll be the end of the story.
Hey, kids!
Oh, I ran into your band as they were leaving,
and they spilled the beans about the tattoo.
-Yeah, I understand-- -Don't worry, I'm cool with it!
Wait, what?
In fact, while I'm with you,
I may even get a Doo Dads tat.
Here's a mock-up. When I flex, it looks like it's ringing!
Ha! It's gonna be so cool!
[anxiously] Oh!
Here's an idea: stop being such a weenie.
Pain is in the mind!
We have to toughen you up!
That's a great idea.
Maybe if you can handle
other painful situations, you'll be less afraid.
[gulps] Painful situations?
[rock music playing]
-[thudding] -[grunting]
You gotta let yourself get hit! That's the whole point!
Ow!
You did it! One down!
By my calculations,
a tattoo covering this much surface area
should take roughly minutes,
which is equivalent of ball hits...
Okay, okay.
I can do this.
...per second.
Uh, what?
[rock music playing]
[yelling, wincing]
Where ya going? No pain, no gain!
This is an authentic reproduction of the corsets
worn by the Salem witches as they faced their doom.
It's actually pretty comfy, dude!
Ow! [pained groaning]
Spoke too soon...
Crushing ribs...
Uncle!
[crash]
Nothing hurts more than a bite from a fire ant.
Okay, guys.
You know what to do.
[military style marching music playing]
-[squeaks] -Gah! It hurts!
Get these creepy crawlies off me, man!
He didn't even bite you yet!
Now you've insulted his whole family.
They're not gonna like that.
[screams]
Take a deep breath and imagine your happy place.
For me, it's the mall on Black Friday.
Everything is on clearance and I have gift card.
[breathes deeply]
Okay, now I want you to keep holding that thought.
Just keep holding it...
And...
-[Luna screams] -[alarm rings]
[panting] Oh, I can't do it!
I love my band but I hate pain even more!
I'm just gonna have to tell them that the pact is off.
Hmm... Maybe they don't want tattoos either!
Maybe they'll even thank me for letting them off the hook!
Wait a second.
Y-you all got them already?
Of course! We pinky swore!
Sorry I didn't wait to get it together.
My mom could only go this morning.
Yeah, same! I had to go at noon with my dad.
I got mine at the mall.
My mom was going to get yoga pants
and didn't wanna make two trips.
[laughs nervously] Awesome.
Man, I can't wait to get mine.
Unfortunately, my, uh, dad had to bail today
‘cause a linguini fight broke out at the restaurant.
Cheese everywhere! But I'll reschedule ASAP.
See you guys at Beats in the Heat!
Ugh! I can't believe I'm the only one
too scared to get a tattoo.
I can't believe you thought a linguini fight
was a good cover story.
I have no choice but to leave town,
disappear, and work the counter at a roadside diner.
Luna, look!
Wock 'n' woll!
Oh, man!
Even Lily can handle the pain!
They're temporary. They come off with water.
[gasps] Of course!
Why didn't I think of that?
[upbeat music playing]
Check it out, dude!
It hurt so bad, I left my body.
-Hardcore! -Nice!
We're gonna look so cool on stage!
Hello, Tall Timbers Park! Welcome to Beats in the Heat.
We have a great lineup today,
featuring Royal Woods' own Moon Goats!
[air horn sound effect]
Until then, kick back, relax,
and chill out with some water sports!
Water sports? [winces]
[dramatic music playing]
Water balloon fight!
[dramatic rock music playing]
[exclaiming]
Wow! Look at you, running around.
Want a cool-down spritz?
Agh!
[screams]
[crackling]
[groans]
[gasps]
Face paint! Perfect!
Good as new!
There you are!
Hey, your tattoo.
-Wasn't the ink darker before? -Oh, uh...
I got that special tattoo ink that changes color in sunlight.
Oh, didn't know that was a thing. Cool!
Hey. We're about to start the rowboat race.
I'd love the Moon Goats to participate.
It'd make a great photo op for the newspaper!
We would, but... it's not good to ride a boat before a show.
Wouldn't want to get seasick.
Don't worry, I always carry motion sickness gum.
And I won't take no for an answer.
[gulps]
[horn blows]
Hey, watch it! You splashed me!
Are you okay? You've been acting strange since we got here.
What? Oh! I'm great!
It's just, uh, my t-shirt. It's dry-clean only.
-[engine revving] -[laughing maniacally]
Eat pond scum, slowpokes!
Nothing's stopping Scootsie today!
[yelling]
Help! I can't swim!
Somebody jump in and save her!
I-I-I just ate, like, five funnel cakes!
I'm wearing my coolest and heaviest boots!
I can't swim! And she scares me.
Are one of you hippies gonna save me or what?!
Hm? [whimpers]
Oh... I guess I'm going in.
Don't worry, Scoots, I got ya!
[grunts] There you go, Scoots. You're okay.
I'm wet, is what I am!
Oh! Ow, ow, ow!
Oh, no...
-Are you okay?! -[sighs] Yeah.
Luna, your tattoo...
I've been lying to you guys.
I was totally psyched to get a tattoo,
but when I went to make an appointment
it looked so painful.
I couldn't go through with it. I'm really sorry.
I should've been honest with you guys.
[groans] You're not the only one who needs to apologize.
-[gasps] -I couldn't handle it either.
Guess you two are the only hardcore Goats here.
Actually, I drew mine on with my mom's eyeliner.
I got woozy just thinking about getting a real one.
Wow. You guys are the worst.
JK. I chickened out too.
-[laughter] -Wow.
Okay, in the future, let's be real with each other,
no matter what.
Sounds good. Pinky swear?
[all] Pinky swear!
So since none of us are ready to get a tat,
what can we do to celebrate our ,th stream?
[gasps] We can finally do my idea!
[whimsical fanfare]
[crowd cheering]
-Still not happening. -Aww.
Why don't we just do something simple?
[giggling]
[bright tinkling]
[Mazzy] Moon Goats forever!
-[rock music playing] -[cheering, whooping]
Hey guys, check it out!
Now we all have tattoos!
Rock on! [winces]
Wow, you guys are handling the pain much better than me.
[swinging, jazzy music playing]
[clicking]
Okay, science club. Listen up.
For our next order of business,
we will be holding a fundraiser to buy a telescope!
-Ooh! -Yes!
Not that I don't appreciate
the one the art club donated to us.
[creak, clunk]
[clears throat] Each of you will receive
a wagon full of scented candles
to raise money for the Galacta-tron !
[gasps] A Galacta-tron ?!
Wunderkids Weeklysays it can see million light years away!
[all marvel]
But keep in mind,
we can only afford it if every student sells
all of the candles in their wagon.
I have never dabbled
in the exchange of goods for currency,
but how difficult could it be?
[knocking on door]
Greetings, cash-having citizen.
May I interest you in buying scented candles?
They only cost... dollars?
It's just soy, paraffin, and vanilla extract.
[snorts] Seems a bit excessive, but...
Anyhoo, how many can I put you down for?
[doorbell rings]
Greetings!
Would you like to buy some scented candles?
With that many cats, I can only imagine
the putrid odors plaguing your abode.
-[hisses] -[cats yowling]
You'll take one cinnamon, one pine?
Splendid! Let me find those.
[sniffs] Peach.
[sniffs] Aw, warm linen.
[sniffs] New car.
[sniffs] Hot apple pie.
[sniffs] Tree bark.
[sniffs] Sauteed onions.
[coughs] Sorry.
The combination of scents is inducing nausea.
[retches]
[vomits, coughs]
Oh, no!
You got fungus
in my bacteria culture.
Thanks, TODD, but even a reenactment
of the development of penicillin won't make me feel better.
What's wrong? Did someone say "expresso" wrong again?
[sighs] Only you. But that's not the problem.
Science club is having a fundraiser,
and I'm letting everyone down because I can't convince anyone
to buy a single candle.
Well, I happen to be a convincing expert.
-[shudders] -[giggles nervously]
Sorry. I thought I had my convincing suit on under there.
Anyway, I think I can convince a team of specialists to help.
Welcome to the Loud School of Sales!
Hmm. Interesting.
Leni, Lola, and I will teach you how to win over customers.
Lesson one: Be approachable.
At Reininger's, all employees greet customers
with a smile and eye contact.
Oh, pishposh, that's ridicu--
[bright tinkling]
I suddenly have a strange urge to hand you all my money.
[chuckles] That was impressive.
Lesson two: People are way more likely to buy from you
if you shower them with compliments.
And a person with your superb intellect
should be able to do that with her eyes closed!
Also, loving that shag hairstyle.
So chic!
[giggles] Why, thank you!
So, can I have bucks?
Of course, anything for--
Oh. Oh, I see what you did there.
Kudos.
Finally, you'll need a convincing suit.
Here's one of mine.
It'll help you feel confident
so you can nail any sale.
Mmm... after I take it in a little.
[doorbell rings]
Well, hi there, Cookie Crumb!
What brings you all the way over here?
Okay, let's see...
"Start with a smile."
Ugh!
"Make eye contact."
[beep]
[whirring]
Ah!
"Use flattery."
Uh... My, your hair is especially, uh, bulbous today.
Bulbous?
I'm sure after all that charm
I dazzled you with,
you're feeling convinced to buy scented candles, right?
[grunting]
Whoa! Whoa! Ah!
[grunting continues]
[coughs]
[clears throat] So where were we?
[sighs] How can someone with a brain like mine
not be able to sell candles?!
[gasps] That's it!
My brain!
With my Brain Lobe Enlargement Helmet,
or BLEH,
we can locate the exact section of the brain
responsible for salesmanship and enlarge it.
-Alright, TODD, engage! -[bell dings]
[gasps] I feel like a salesperson already!
Actually, that was me.
My toaster pastry is ready.
Engaging the BLEH now.
Astrophysics, multivariable calculus,
dental hygiene...
Aha! Salesmanship!
[gasps] That's it!
Okay, TODD, press command, shift, plus.
[ding]
[trilling beep]
Press it again!
[ding]
[beeping]
And again! And again and again!
-Keep going! -[dinging]
[suspenseful music playing]
[beeping]
How do you feel, Lisa?
Oh-h*! I feel ready to make some sales!
By the way, TODD, are those new wires?
Because they are working for ya!
May I interest you in a candle?
I cannot smell, but I will take five!
He-hey, you gorgeous goths!
Nothing conjures the dead like the smell of fresh lavender.
Light one of these babies and you'll have
the whole underworld lining up to possess you!
[swinging, jazzy music playing]
Trust me. With this Kiss From a Rose candle,
you can turn this place from pigsty to hog heaven!
[sniffing]
[snorting happily]
Virginia, pay the nice lady!
[cash register dings]
[swinging music continues]
You should have seen me, TODD.
I am a sales machine!
I dropped the cash off at school
so the club can get their telescope.
Hurray! Time to get your brain back to normal.
Ah, no, no, no. Let's not be hasty.
Selling is the ultimate hoot!
My serotonin levels are through the proverbial roof!
Let's keep this party going!
Sell! Sell! Sell!
I do not like where this is going.
I need a pastry pronto.
[bell dings]
[birds chirping]
[light jazz music playing]
Boy, how good would thatlook on a raccoon?
Ooh! Eh, Nacho has been in the market
for a good cotton onesie for a while.
Come back soon.
My guy! Has anyone ever told you
that you have the build of a power athlete?
A little time with this barbell and I think we might be looking
at the future Mr. Senior Universe!
[grunting]
What are you doing selling my barbell?
I need it for my deadlift seshes.
Ah-ah, no, you don't.
A force of nature like you needs something
that makes you really engage your glutes.
Like, uh, Flip's tow truck!
[bright tinkling]
Strap it to yourself and pull
for the best workout of your life.
And it's yours for just five dollars!
Deal!
Let's see, what's next? What's next? Uh...
[gasps]
Bingo!
Lisa, what are you doing?
Why, selling the house, of course!
It's a complete gut job.
The wear and tear of eleven kids is no joke,
but, uh, some ding-dong will buy it.
Lisa, you have gone too far.
It is time to go back to normal.
[growls]
Uh-oh...
Ya got yourselves a real bargain.
Enjoy your new robot assistant, complete with toaster oven.
Even though you sold me, you are still my best friend!
[gasps] Wait a minute.
Isold TODD?
Why would I do that?
We did what had to be done. We're better off without him.
But TODD is my friend!
A friend that was getting in the way of a sales train.
[yells, gasps]
I command you to cease!
Oh no, you don't!
[Sales Lisa] Ah! You are mussing my sales!
[Lisa] Unhand me, you fiend!
[grunting]
[groaning] Sales Lisa is too strong!
[exclaiming]
Why are you fighting me?
I'm gonna make us rich!
With my skills, I can sell anything to anyone!
-[bell dings] -Eureka!
You know, uh, Sales Lisa,
I'm not so sure you cansell to anyone.
Of course I can!
Bet you can't sell that silly brain helmet to me!
Oh, pshaw.
Easy money.
Behold, the BLEH!
It has a dazzling silver finish and is lightweight,
making it the perfect accessory for the genius gal on the go!
I don't know. It looks complicated.
Maybe if you demonstrate it for me?
Of course!
It's very user-friendly. You just have to--
Wait a second.
Ha-ha! Too late! So long, Sales Lisa!
[winces]
No, no, no!
I have so much left to sell!
Oh, phew.
Now there's just one more thing I need to do.
Ta-da!
All the toaster pastries you could ever want.
Aw. Thank you, Lisa.
I'm sorry for getting so out of control.
It's great to be back to myself.
[computer pings]
Huh. Since the last fundraiser was such a success,
the science club wants to have another one
to buy stain-proof lab coats.
Okay. We'll each need to sell a wagon full of--
[thunderous zapping]
[sizzling]
Sorry. I may have overreacted.
♪ Cramped inside this tiny space ♪
♪ May sound bad but ain't the case ♪
♪ In the Loud House ♪
♪ Loud House ♪
♪ Duck and dodge and push and shove ♪
♪ That's the way we show our love ♪
♪ In the Loud House ♪
♪ Loud House ♪
♪ Laundry piles stacked up high ♪
♪ Hand-me-downs that make me cry ♪
♪ Stand in line to take a pee ♪
♪ Never any privacy ♪
♪ Chaos with kids ♪
♪ That's the way it always is ♪
♪ In the Loud House ♪