29x01 - South American Biker Gangs

[bunniefuu]

Ay [theme music]

♪ I'm goin' down
to South America ♪

♪ Have myself a time ♪

♪ Friendly faces
everywhere ♪

♪ Humble folks
without temptation ♪

♪ I'm goin' down
to South America ♪

♪ Leave my woes behind ♪

♪ Ample parking day
or night ♪

♪ People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor" ♪

♪ I'm headin' on up
to South America ♪

♪ See if I can't unwind ♪

♪ [mumbling] ♪

♪ So come on down
to South America ♪

♪ Meet some friends of mine ♪

[twangy music]

[Cartman sobbing]

Eric?

-[sobbing]
-Sweetie, what's wrong?

[sobbing] Nothing!

I don't want to talk about it.

-[sobbing]
-Obviously there's something.

[sobbing] It's just,

I was getting bullied at school.

[sobbing]

-You got bullied?
-Who bullied you?

-[sobbing]
-Like, Tolkien and Kyle.

They called me chubby wubby.

I'm so sorry, honey.

Kids can be very mean.

Mom, I don't want to be
bullied anymore.

Do you think... do you think
maybe I could get a bicycle?

So that I can, like, get out
of the house and exercise?

Oh, honey, yes, there's lots
of ways we can exercise.

Yeah, but no, I think a
bicycle would be the best thing

because then all the kids can
see me really trying hard

and they won't say these
horrible things

they say about me!
[sobbing]

-Honey, it's OK.
-It's OK.

Sure, we can get you a bicycle.

[ominous music]

[chuckling]

[bell rings]

Yes!

Can I help you guys?

Yes, we're looking
to get my son a bicycle.

I want this one!

Oh, well,
that's a Class 3 e-bike.

Yes, Class 3's got pedal-assist

up to 27 miles an hour!

Eric, that's $2,000.

You're gonna just let kids
at school bully me?

You want me to stay inside all
day and be a fat [bleep], Mom?

That's a very specific
kind of bike, ma'am.

I can sell it to you, but
there's a lot of restrictions

where your son can ride it.

He'd have to respect a lot
of rules of the road.

-Oh, my God.
-I will be so respectful.

[electric motor whirring]

[Cartman]
Kyle!

Kyle!

[electric motor whirring]

Yeah! Yes!

Suck my d*ck, Kyle!

I got a Class 3 e-bike, b*tch!

Waah! Waah!

That's you crying, Kyle,
'cause you don't have one.

[Kenny mimicking engine sounds]

-[Cartman] Yeah!
-Aw.

Check it out, bro,
Class 3 e-bike!

-Cool, huh?
-Ah!

Suck my d*ck, Kenny!

[electric motor whirring]

[electric motor whirring]

Stan!

Stan, you gotta get out here!

Suck my d*ck!

Class 3, mother[bleep]!

Your mom got you one?

Yeah, isn't it sweet?

You gotta suck my d*ck now.

[mimicking motor sounds]

Ah!

I'm gonna get a hoodie
and a face-covering

and make everyone in town
suck my d*ck.

[electric motor whirring]

[Cartman mimicking motor sounds]

[spokes clicking]

[brakes screech]

Suck my d*ck.

-[pedestrians screaming]
-Excuse me.

Gotta suck my d*ck.

[screaming continues]
Suck it!

[screaming]

[Cartman] Yeah!

Yes!

Ah!

Whee!

[panicked shouting]

[chuckles]

[Cartman mimicking motor sounds]

[twangy music]

[Sharon] I'm sorry, Stanley,
but the answer is no.

But Mom,
even Cartman has one now.

Clyde has an e-bike.
Tolkien has an e-bike

Craig and Wendy.

Those electric bikes cost
thousands of dollars, Stan.

Where are we supposed to
find the money?

I'll pay for part of it!

I got 200 bucks from Grampa.

Stan, even if I said yes,

it's your dad
you have to worry about.

You know how your father feels
about e-bikes.

[loud thump]

Those g*dd*mn kids
almost k*lled me again!

How can they let children
go 40 miles an hour

in a bike lane
designed for real bikers?

I'm telling you guys,

South America
is just not safe anymore.

Well, Dad, maybe you should
get an e-bike, too.

Then you can go as fast
as they do.

Yeah, no thanks.

Bikes are for being healthy.

You're just jealous.

Jealous?! Of what?

Of something that does
all the work for you?

You know what
they used to call things

that did all the work for you?

sl*ves!

Yeah, that was a good idea,
Shelley.

No issues there.

Dad, a lot of my friends
have e-bikes, OK, and...

Yeah, and they're hanging out
in gangs and doing wheelies

and probably smoking weed, OK?

I was young once, too,
but now I'm a healthy cyclist

and I'll be damned
if some pot-smoking kids

are gonna ride in my bike lanes!

[electric motors whirring]

[whirring continues]

This is so unfair.

My parents said the same thing...

e-bikes are too unsafe,
too expensive.

[muffled speech]

[motor whirs]

Well, hey, fellas!

-Butters?
-Yeah, check out my new bike!

Oh, great, Butters' parents
even get him a bike.

Nah, I bought this off
of Tolkien for 400 bucks

'cause he got a new one.

And I'm no telling my parents,

so I'm wearing this
face-covering.

Well, that's great, Butters.

-Not everyone has 400 bucks.
-[grunts]

Well, why don't you guys just

go down to the Chinese bike shop?

Chinese e-bikes?

Are they just as good
as regular ones?

No, they suck, but at least
you'd have something.

[electric motor whirs]

[twangy music]

♪♪

[bell rings]

-Welcome to City E-bike.
-Take your order, please.

Yeah, we heard you have
really cheap e-bikes.

Oh, yeah, we have all kind of
city e-bikes.

Chinese e-bike very dependable.

Only 60% chance it blow up
in your garage.

Well, I have 200 bucks,
and I want to buy one

for me and both of my friends.

$200 for all three?

Oh, you want a Super City E-Bike.

They go just as fast,

but they are 92% chance
to blow up in your garage.

-Oh, sweet, bro!
-We'll take them.

[muffled speech]

Yeah, thanks, Stan!

OK, great, I just need you
to sign waiver

for your ride ability.

Our ride ability?

Yeah, you go fast on e-bike,
you k*ll people.

Your liability.

You sign waiver,
I'm not liable, you are.

OK, sign here saying you will
not ride a City e-bike

in the street.
Wink, wink.

And sign here...
you are 16 years old older.

Wink, wink.

Just initial here...
Chinese City e-bike

probably gonna blow up
in your garage.

You agree not to ride
a City e-bike in a bike lane.

Wink, wink.

Sign here,
you're gonna do a wheelie.

But really,
I know you gonna do a wheelie.

Wink, wink.

And sign, sign here,
and a sign, wink there.

Here a sign, there a wink,
everywhere a wink, wink.

OK, congratulation!

That's $200.

Oh, these g*dd*mn guys.

[honking horn]

-[bleep] you.
-Go around!

Go around!

Excuse me for being healthy.

You could be healthy
a little more

to the right side of the road

instead of slowing
everybody down.

Oh, I'm slow?

I get all the way across
South America in 15 minutes.

You try that in traffic.

[electric motor whirring]
Hey!

g*dd*mn [bleep] kids!

[panting heavily]

Yeah!

You like that?

You think you're fast?

[panting heavily]

[brakes squeal, horn blares]

And this little kid totally
swerves in front of me.

Makes me crash into a car

and just speeds off
like nothing happened.

Damn e-bikes!

South America's overrun
with them.

They should be ill*gal.

And where are the parents
in this?

You know, I wouldn't let my
child hang out in biker gangs

with face-coverings,
popping wheelies,

probably doing drugs.

Of course they're doing drugs!

I used to smoke weed
when I was younger

Now it's up to us healthy guys
to make our streets safe.

We need to go on Google

and ask how to get the laws
changed in South America.

Whee!

And so, officer,

we think that e-bikes should
be made ill*gal

so that South America
can be safe again.

And we'd like to offer you
this cash and some cigars.

You want to bribe me
with cash and cigars

to change electric bike laws?

That's what Google told me
to do, yes.

Look, we'd love to have
the things regulated,

but we can't get
the government to care.

If you ask me, this whole
country's gone to sh*t.

But hopefully things will get
better in November.

That's when "Grand Theft
Auto VI" comes out.

Well, somebody
has to do something.

We need to get these kids off
the streets and back inside,

-on their phones.
-Yeah!

And if you guys
won't do anything,

then the South American
Cycling Club will.

[dramatic music]

A big change has come
to a small mountain town,

and many local residents
are furious...

about kids on their e-bikes.

They travel in groups.

Many conceal their faces,

and with powerful
electric motors,

these kids are starting
to form biker gangs.

These kids are everywhere.

I mean, they're just tearing
all up and down South America.

What are we supposed to do?

South America used to be
a quiet place.

But now you got these kids
just going hog wild.

It's an outrage!

I've lived in South America
all my life

and I've never seen anything
like this.

These kids almost k*lled me
on the sidewalk

and then told me
to suck their d*ck.

[reporter] Uh-huh.

And when you rolled over
and sucked a d*ck

with the change in the town name,

did you feel any outrage then?

Plenty of upset people here,

and the question
on everyone's mind:

Is the e-bike change permanent?

[Cartman mimicking motor sounds]

♪ Yoshi, Yoshi, Yoshinoya ♪

♪ Yoshinoya, Yoshinoya ♪

[singer vocalizing]

♪♪

Hey!

How's it going?

-Stan?
-Kenny?

What's up, dude?

♪♪

See ya, Cartman.

Kyle!

[dramatic music]

Hey!

[tires screech]

God damn it!

-This is so awesome!
-Come on, Kenny!

[muffled speech]

♪ Yoshinoya, Yoshinoya ♪

♪♪

[sobbing]

Eric, what happened?

-I got bullied again!
-[sobbing]

Who bullied you now?

-K-Kyle and those guys.
-I showed them my new bike.

I told them
they had to suck my d*ck.

But then they just went

and bought bikes
that are faster than mine!

Eric, Eric, slow down.

Tell me exactly what happened.

[gasping]

Yesterday,
when I got my new bike,

I went to Kyle
and I said really nicely

that he had to suck my d*ck,

and then I told the other guys
they could suck my d*ck too,

but they just went and got
bikes that go faster than me!

I don't understand what
you want me to do, sweetie.

Can you just call Kyle's mom

and tell her that Kyle
still has to suck my d*ck

and take away his e-bike?

Honey, no, no,
I'm not doing that.

I don't wanna get bullied
anymore, Mom!

Can you please just get me
a speed unlock dongle?

What's a speed unlock dongle?

[doorbell rings]

Hey, Roger, you wanna be
in our biker g*ng?

There's kids on e-bikes
destroying our city,

and the stupid bureaucrats
won't do anything about it.

Yeah, this country's gone
to hell.

Hopefully things will be better
in November.

That's when "Grand Theft Auto
VI" comes out.

Yeah, I know, but right now,

we decided to take matters
into our own hands.

We know who's selling
these things to kids.

Well, if I'm going to join you,

I need to ask you something
first.

Yeah?

Who's got
some electrolyte packets?

[gurgles]
[all cheering]

[upbeat funky music]

♪♪

Oh, my God, these old farts
and their bicycles.

[horn honks]

♪♪

[bell dings]

-Welcome City E-Bikes.
-Take your order, please?

So you're the guy that's been
selling death traps to kids.

Hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Those kids sign a waiver.

It not my fault the bikes
blew up in the garage.

-"Blew up in the garage"?
-What is he talking about?

Oh, Chinese e-bikes didn't
blow up in the garage?

Wow, that's great

Hey, hey, no touchy, please!

Oh, what, you mean these?

-Hey!
-Hey, hey, that's fragile!

It looks fragile.

[glass shatters]

Hey, whoa!

Whoa, what you guys doing?

You messed with the wrong people.

[screaming] Help!

Stop! Please!

Ah! Please!
[screaming]

[laughter and cheering]

-Oh, my God, dude.
-Is this just the best or what?

Yeah, I just feel so independent.

We're not stuck inside
on our phones.

We're, like, out doing sh*t,
you know?

I mean, look at Kenny.
Seriously.

Have you ever seen him
this happy?

-Whoo-hoo! Whoo!
-Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

He does seem to really be
coming out of his shell.

I think if my dad
really understood

how this made me feel,
he'd be OK with it.

Dude, you thinking
of telling your parents?

'Cause I ain't telling my mom
nothing.

-Whoo-hoo! Whoo!
-I don't know.

I'm just saying that I'm feeling

a certain maturity right now.

Maybe there's a way to make
our parents be reasonable.

[indistinct radio chatter]

Mr. Kim?

Mr. Kim!

Can you tell us who did this
to you?

Ah.

It was

some biker g*ng.

Ah!

Jesus, Mitch,
these kids on their e-bikes

are getting worse all the time.

What are we supposed to do?

It's up to us
to make our streets safe.

We need to get on Google
and ask how the police

can respond to g*ng violence
in South America.

More changes today as a small
mountain town just continues

to roll over and suck a d*ck.

Youth biker gangs here
now appear to be

attacking local businesses.

This bike store behind me
was attacked,

along with
a Chinese bike business

and the e-bike section
of Walmart.

But just what do these
young biker gangs want?

This young man says
he's the leader

of the youth biker gangs.

To protect his identity,

we'll simply call him El Gordo.

-[distorted]
-Yeah, it's pretty cool

'cause everyone is scared now
and they have to suck my d*ck.

And, you know, we don't care
about anybody,

and I have
a high speed dongle now,

so Kyle has to suck my d*ck
again too.

And what if this Kyle
responded to you saying,

"That fat [bleep] can't even go


You... you talked to Kyle?

Police are trying to find
the owner of Keller's Bicycles,

who appears to be hiding
from these vicious

South American biker gangs.

[chatter]

[glass shattering]

We gotta make sure

this Keller Bike Shop guy
doesn't squeal.

He won't if he knows
what's good for him.

Look, I'm sorry,
but we're all out

of whey-based protein powder, OK?

Then get us some pea protein.

You know who you're dealing with?

[chatter]
[glass shattering]

Excuse me.

Excuse me!

I just, uh, wanted
to let you know

that not all us e-bike kids
are the same, you know?

Not all of us are
riding on sidewalks

and causing problems.

That's a very small minority
of us.

A very fat but small minority.

-So what?
-[squeaking]

You calling
for some kind of truce?

We just wanna enjoy our bikes.

Can't we maybe
just work together?

Well, maybe you're right, kid.

Maybe we can all come
to some kind of agreement.

Why don't you sit down
and have a Jamba Juice,

see if we can work it out.

OK. Sounds good.

Get on Google, find out

how South American biker gangs
deal with each other.

Kenny, what'd they say?

They were actually
pretty cool about it.

-Really?
-Damn, good job, Kenny.

Yeah, we talked about it,
and they said

we could probably come
to an understanding.

Oh, thank God.

And now Cartman can't ruin it
for the rest of us.

Yeah, I told you guys
it'd be fine.

I gotta get home.
See you tomorrow.

Yeah, see you guys tomorrow.

Maybe we can ride our bikes
to school.

Yeah, sweet!

[expl*si*n]

-Holy sh*t!
-Kenny!

[door slams]

[squeaking]

What's going on?

Stan lost a really good
friend today, Randy.

You wanna tell your dad, honey?

Me and my friends,

we just wanted to be
like everyone else.

So we went and got e-bikes.

And then Kenny's exploded,
and he died.

Wait, that was Kenny?

You heard about it?

It was awful.

He was so happy too.

He thought he'd really found
his voice for once.

Did they find the b*mb?

Well, no, it wasn't a b*mb.

Probably the battery just blew up

'cause we signed
for our ride ability.

Well, yeah,
they're just dangerous.

That's what I've been trying
to tell everybody.

And I didn't listen.

I'm sorry, Dad.

This is all my fault.

Hey, listen.

This is not your fault, Stan.

It's everyone's fault
who got an e-bike.

It's too bad
it took someone having to die

to open people's eyes.

-Yeah.
-I know one thing.

That this community is going
to come together over this.

Because that's what
South America does.

[soft country music]

We're all united in grief.

But as South America always does,

we will find solace
in each other.

I am so inspired by the way
our town has come together,

and as mayor, I am honored
to officially announce

the Kenny McCormick
E-Bike Ordinance.

♪ We are South America ♪

♪ Where the cold north wind
blows ♪

♪ If you're driving through
our mountain town ♪

♪ I just think
you should know ♪

No! Not my d*ck! My d*ck!

♪ That we are
South America ♪

♪ And that
northern mountain sun ♪

♪ Always be South America ♪

♪ We won't change for anyone ♪

♪ Two words that bring a smile
to my mouth ♪

♪ America ♪

♪ And south ♪

♪ We are South America ♪

♪♪

♪ We are South America ♪

♪ And that
northern mountain sun ♪

♪ Always be South America ♪

♪ We won't change for anyone ♪

♪♪