02x03 - Raph Fights Everyone

[bunniefuu]

[Raph] Previously on

Tales of the Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtles:

Okay, so I think I messed up.

The Mutant Battle Arena
was run by Kitsune

and her weird street g*ng,
the Purple Dragons.

But it's not my fault!
I mean, the crowds loved me,

I got to fight Rock, Bebop,
even Mondo.

It was the best! My brothers
were trying to figure out

where I was going,
them and Pigeon Pete. Ugh.

He's the worst. Don't get me
started on him. So smarmy. Ugh.

Who knew that Kitsune
was using mind-control devices,

or that I'd end up having
to fight my own brothers?

Not me. Pfft.
I'll tell you that.

-♪ Dramatic music playing
-[horns honking]

-[metal scraping]
-[chains rattling]

Ha-ha, okay. I know you guys
are all mad at me or whatever,

but joke's over.

Leo? Mikey? Come on!

Will one of you just say
something already?

You're being super creepy.
For real.

What are you even doing?
Look, I'm not gonna fight you...

[Kitsune] But this is what
you wanted, wasn't it, Turtle?

You wanted to fight.

What? No!

Not them! I never wanted...

This is you!
You haven't changed at all!

Are you gonna try and sell
my brothers too, huh?

Like you did to me
the first time we met?

What did you do to them?

I'm simply giving you
what you wanted.

Turtles, fight... Raphael.

-♪ Intense music playing
-[crowd cheering]

No. No!

-One, two, three, four!
-[drumsticks clicking]

♪ upbeat rock theme music
playing ♪

[roaring]

[oinking]

[clanging]

-[roars]
-[squeaks]

[growls]

[hisses]

[roaring]

♪ Music ends abruptly ♪

-[crowd cheering]
-[horns honking]

[Raph panting]

-[grunting]
-[metal clanging]

[Raph grunting, groaning] Ow!

[gasping]

[Raph grunts]

[panting]

[Raph screams]

[Knox] This is so fire, yo!

We are going to make
so much bank!

You got all four Turtles!

How'd you do it?

The technology we acquired

utilizes brain waves
specific to mutants.

We affix a control disc,

and the mutants become more...

suggestible.

And they shut them up,

which was an unexpected bonus.

-Especially for this one.
-[Mondo grunts]

-[Mondo whimpers]
-It's okay, little lizard dog.

You're gonna be okay.

[excited squeak, munching]

Stop that!

♪ Tense music playing ♪

[snaps fingers]

It's all powered
by a transmitter

in this case.

Whoever buys the mutants
gets the case.

[electronic beeping]

[case slams]

But I get the full set, right?

All four Turtles?

I mean, the red one... [scoffs]

He doesn't seem like
he wants to fight anymore.

Raphael will be
under our control soon enough.

Guys, guys!
You gotta snap out of it!

I don't wanna fight you!
I mean, I do, but not like this!

-[smacking]
-[groaning]

-[groans]
-[clangs]

[grunts, groans]

[Raph yelling]

[Raph groans]

-[coughs] Ow!
-[crowd cheering]

Fine. [growls]

That's how it's gonna be?

-Okay.
-♪ tense music playing ♪

You want a fight? You got it.

♪ Hard rock music playing ♪

This is it!

Turtle versus Turtle!

Finally.

[camera shutter clicks]

[bones cracking]

[Raph] Okay, who's first, huh?

You want it one at a time
or all together?

You've been asking for this
for a while now.

What the heck is that?!

-Whoa!
-Hmm?

[silence]

[crowd murmuring]

-[Raph grunting]
-[crowd yelling angrily]

Is he running away?

That's not gonna make us money.

Weak.

Ugh.

-Mutanimals!
-♪ tense music playing ♪

Stop him!

♪ Dramatic music playing ♪

-♪ music ends
-[whimpering]

-[screeching]
-[Kitsune] Ugh.

-[Raph panting]
-[growls]

-[screams] No!
-[grunts]

[Raph panting]

Ahh!

You too, Mondo?

Man, I was finally starting
to like you.

-[growls]
-Wait, wait, guys!

Maybe we...
Maybe we can talk about this.

[Raph groaning]

Dude, that was awesome!

[groans] Nope, it wasn't.

♪ Intense music playing ♪

[Raph growling]

Wait! Can we get a picture?

-Take our picture!
-[clangs]

No, you can't get a picture!
What is wrong with you?

-[Raph grunting]
-♪ intense music continues

-[grunting]
-[clanging]

-[deep, roaring groan]
-♪ music fades

-Dude... [groans] Oh, my head!
-What the heck, Leo?!

Now you decide to kick
all kinds of butt?

♪ Intense music resumes ♪

[panting]

Donnie, come on, man!

This isn't you!
You think and stuff! [gasps]

[yells, pants]

-[chimes]
-Quick, smile!

My brothers
are trying to whack me!

I know, right?
Can we get in on it?

[wood creaking]

Actually... good idea.

-[screams, groans]
-♪ intense music continues ♪

[panting]

I'm doing it!
I'm fighting the Turtles!

Proud of you, bro. [screams]

-[groans]
-[clattering]

-I feel so alive! [groans]
-♪ music fades ♪

I know, right? [coughs]

You two have
serious problems, okay?

Like, go get help!
Therapy help, not the police.

-[exclaims]
-But maybe the police too.

-[panting]
-♪ intense music resumes

-[grunts]
-[crunches]

No! Donnie!

Oh, Donnie, I'm sorry.
Are you okay?

-[beeping]
-What the heck?

[metal scrapes]

♪ Tense music playing ♪

-[smacks]
-[Raph groaning]

[chains rattling]

No! Guys, she's controlling you!
That's it, isn't it?

-Guys! Guys!
-[slam resonates]

-[panting]
-[high-pitched ringing]

-[horns honking]
-[crowd chanting]

[Raph groans]

Kitsune! I know what you did!

I know what you did!

They're mutants. Not animals.

Plus, they're kind of jerks.

They used to be animals.

Little turtles
and piggies and rhinos

and whatever the huggy one is.

And you're a Purple Dragon.

♪ Ominous music playing ♪

Yeah.

♪ Music fades ♪

-[grunts, groans]
-[horns honking]

[Kitsune] It's over, Turtle.

Time to join your family.

-[man] My car!
-♪ solemn music playing ♪

-[crowd cheering]
-[horns honking]

[Raph] Okay.
You want a fight, Kitsune?

♪ Bright, hopeful music
playing ♪

You got it. [yelling]

-[Rocksteady growls]
-[metal clinking]

-[panting, grunting]
-♪ intense music playing ♪

-[roaring]
-[Raph grunts]

[grunting]

[metal whooshing, clanking]

[panting] Come on, open up! Yes!

[aggressive panting]

[Raph screams]

Oh, sorry, dog man!

For what?

-[roaring]
-[vendor screams]

-[elevator dings]
-[panting]

-[grunts]
-♪ music ends ♪

Hun?! You knew about this?

-[grunting]
-♪ ominous music playing ♪

Turtle, you need to talk
to your trainer.

♪ Music fades

-Wh-What?
-Your trainer!

You need to listen to him.

There's a lot
he could teach you.

Seriously? Are you telling me
I need to work out more?

Like I'm not buff enough?

[exaggerated grunting]

Ugh! Just go talk to him!

-[slams]
-♪ dramatic music playing ♪

[Raph gasps]

-[Raph grunts]
-Huh?

[grunting]

[Hun screams]

That buff enough for you, Hun?

[engine revving]

-[tires screeching]
-[smashing]

[groans angrily]

-[traffic honking]
-[engine revving]

Come on, think!

-[smashing]
-[Rocksteady growls]

[groans] Uh, never mind.
Thinking really hurts.

-[Bebop wailing]
-[air hisses]

♪ Intense music playing ♪

-[Rocksteady growls]
-[engine revving]

-Ahh!
-Run! Come on, go!

♪ Tense music playing ♪

[engine roaring]

This would be cool
if it wasn't so terrifying.

-[truck beeping]
-What? Are you kidding me?

[tires screeching]

No!

No! Dad? Oh, they got you too?!

[engine revving,
tires screeching]

-[thud]
-Ahh!

[tires screeching]

No, no, no, no, no!
Dude, that's so gross!

-[Raph yells]
-[tires screeching]

-[clanging]
-[Raph grunts]

I knew I should've shelled out
for the automatic locks!

-[chains rattling]
-[Raph growls, grunts]

[Bebop wailing]

[Mikey groans]

[Raph] Sorry, guys!

This was clearly meant to be.

[buzzer buzzes]

-Yes! I rule!
-♪ music ends ♪

[engine revving,
tires screeching]

-[smashing, car alarm wailing]
-[man] My car!

-[distant police siren wailing]
-[engine idling]

[engine shuts off]

[sighs]

[metal clangs]

[growls, grunts]

[deep breath]

[mirror creaking]

What am I gonna do?

Leo'd have a plan,

Mikey would, I don't know,
cheer me up,

and-and Donnie,
with his big nerd brain,

he'd figure out...

[ticking]

-[ding]
-No, I don't need a nerd brain.

I need a bird brain!

[cooing]

What a conundrum you are in.

Could you be less delighted?

Tell me again,
what led to all this?

[sighs] As you warned me,

my "love of fighting" and
"glorification of violence"...

Without the sarcasm please.

My love of fighting
and glorification of violence

has ruined everything and put my
entire family in danger! Happy?

I just need help getting their
dumb controller things off.

I'm not strong enough to fight
all of them. I need a plan.

Hmm...

"Strong enough."

What was it
that Hun fellow said to you?

That dummy?
He said I'm not swole.

Like, hello, have you seen me?

Talkin' about my trainer. Pfft.

And how would Hun know
you've been seeing a trainer?

Well, he... I must have, uh...

Is it possible that
maybe this Hun gentleman

was trying to give you
a coo... a-a clue...

-[coos]
-...about what's-his-name?

Spuds.

I'm gonna venture out on a wing

and guess
that's not his real name.

[munching]

[keys jingling]

I am strong. I am capable.

I am a champion.

I trust in my abilities.

I trust in my training.
I... [screaming]

[woman] ...fearless
and courageous

in the face of adversity.

I am lifted up by others!

[Spuds screaming]

Raph?

How's it goin', Spuds?
If that's even your real name.

It is! My momma
truly loved potatoes.

[clears throat] You have
the right to remain silent.

Anything you say can
and will be used against you...

-Wh-What are you doing?
-Yo! Is that a pigeon?

That's messed up, man.

We have to read him his rights.

That's not what we're doing.
We're not cops.

-You're definitely not cops!
-It's a citizen's arrest.

I will start over. You have
the right to remain silent.

-We want him to talk!
-Whatever this is,

you got the wrong guy.

Raph, I'm your friend,
your trainer.

Oh yeah? Then what's this?!

♪ Dramatic beat plays ♪

Okay, okay, fine!

Yes, I'm a Purple Dragon.

Kitsune wanted mutants,
and you just fell into my lap.

How could you do this to me?

We were workout bros!

And we still are.

Just 'cause I sold you out
doesn't mean we can't repair.

[ding]

Okay, yeah, I'm throwin' him
off the roof now.

-Nice knowin' you, Spuds.
-[Spuds screaming]

Wait, wait! Mr. Spuds, please.
I can't control

Raphael's self-destructive
and toxic anger.

-Hey!
-You have to tell us something

that'll save you
from being flung into the abyss.

-[gulps]
-For instance, I'd love to know

more about
these mind-control devices.

My anger isn't toxic!

There's a briefcase! Kitsune's
got it, the controller's inside.

They don't work right though.

Those mutants are gonna get
their brains melted.

She's trying to sell 'em all
before it happens.

Wait, what?!

We gotta go get those things
off our friends, like now!

Planning is of the essence.

I am not looking forward to
having my cerebellum liquefied.

We need to be subtle.

I can do subtle.

[engine roaring,
tires screeching]

♪ Hard rock music playing ♪

Hmm?

-[battle cry echoing]
-♪ music fades ♪

[crowd murmuring]

[screaming, cheering]

You all came to see
a fight, huh?

-[crowd cheering]
-[honking]

Well, I'm gonna fight everyone,
and I'm gonna win!

[crowd chanting]
Raphael! Raphael!

Oh yeah! That's right!

Let's go! Come on!

Who's first?

Bring it.

Why would he come back here?

He must know he can't win.

I've been trying
to tell you this. He's an idiot.

He's bad at jokes too.

Because he loves to fight,
and I love him for that.

Let's do this!

[slurping]

-Fine.
-♪ tense music playing ♪

Mutants...

tear him apart.

-[growling]
-[metal clanging]

[Raph growls, gasps]

[wailing]

Come on, Pete. Save my life.

[Pete] Phase one...

distraction.

You enter through here
in your usual boisterous way.

[Raph] What's with the banana?

You could just point.

I need my fiber.

Once all eyes are on you,
step two begins.

Wait, you mean phase two, right?

Is it... Is it phases or steps?
I-I can't remember.

[splutters] Both, actually.
You know,

your sections of the plan
are actually phases,

but within each phase,
there are sub-steps wherein I...

[sighs] Let's just get on
with it, man.

♪ Funky music playing ♪

Oh yeah! I love fighting!

You're gettin' all this, right?

Mutant Battle Arena!

Yeah! Let's go!

Woo!

The camera loves him!

As will my bank account.

[Pete] Step two, infiltration.

While she's distracted
by your fisticuffs,

I will retrieve
the controller device.

[Raph] Seriously, dude?
"Fisticuffs"?

And is that supposed to be me?
You made me look all red!

That's blood.

[Raph growling]

I know you all want
a piece of this!

You're gonna have to wait your
turn to get your butt kicked!

-[Rocksteady growls, huffs]
-Any time now, Pete.

[Pete] Phase 2A, snack break.

A-Are you serious?! We're not
gonna take a snack break!

I gotta keep my energy up!

I can pack seeds and bread and...

This is the part where
they're all trying to k*ll me!

You are very particular!

Fine, I will eat before we go.

[groans]

[squeaking]

[Kitsune] What is he doing?

♪ Music intensifies ♪

[Pete] Phase three,

triumph!

As you are being savagely beaten
in the arena,

I stealthily procure the device,

deactivate it,
and the game is ours!

This will require the utmost
focus and concentration.

Allow me to demonstrate.

-[clock ticking]
-♪ dramatic beats pounding ♪

-Uh, o-okay, yeah, but...
-[coos]

-I know, but...
-[cooing]

-I get it, but...
-[coos]

[aggressively cooing]

Can we just get on with this?

You're sure you won't screw up
your part, right?

You wound me.

♪ Funky music continues ♪

[creaking]

-[growling]
-[Raph gulps]

[creaking]

-♪ Dramatic beats pounding
-♪ music continues ♪

[creaking, snaps]

-[clucking]
-♪ music stops ♪

[groans]

Yeah. Ahh.

Just, uh, just let me stretch
first, you know?

Man, it'd suck
to pull a hammy, right?

Any time now, Pete!

Is this the Pete you mean?

[stifled squawk]

What?! Pete, are you serious?!

Phase three is triumph!

-[squawks]
-[Kitsune groans]

Nice try, Turtle,

but you've succeeded only
in giving me another mutant.

[panicked squawking]

[Raph growls]

-[Raph groans]
-[device warbling]

[grunting]

-[glass shatters]
-[Angel groans]

-[panting]
-[crowd cheering]

[panting, grunting]

♪ Intense rock music playing ♪

No! Get the case!

Oh no! The terrifying mutant
is trying to escape!

Wh-What?! No, no, sir,
I-I'm complying!

-[squawks]
-He's so strong!

-[whispering] Run free, chicken.
-♪ music ends ♪

[Pete gasps]

[clucking]

-Freedom!
-[Pete screeches]

♪ music resumes ♪

-[Kitsune] Go! Get him!
-[panting]

[grunting]

[gasps, yells]

[Raph panting]

[croaking]

[rumbling]

-[Raph screams]
-[roaring]

-[Raph panting]
-My mutant! Bring it in!

[Knox groans, wails]

[Knox groaning]

[Knox screams]

[panting]

-[Raph grunts]
-[man] My car!

[panting squawks]

[panicked squawk]

[panting squawks]

[screams]

-♪ Music fades
-[coos softly]

Just give me the case, bird!

I'm warning you scoundrels,
I have a very sensitive stomach.

Undue stress inspires
something deeply unpleasant!

Angel, deal with them!

-[stomach rumbling]
-♪ tense music playing ♪

-[gasps]
-[squawks]

-[flatulence]
-[gasps]

-[splat]
-[Kitsune groans]

-[squelching thud]
-[squawking]

-Mutants are the worst.
-[camera clicks]

Is this...?

[screaming]

[Raph panting]

Come on, come on,
shut the device off! Hurry!

Yes, about that.
I don't know how.

What?! Give me that!

-[Raph grunts]
-[growling]

-[Raph growling]
-[smashes]

-Rah! [grunting]
-[zapping]

[grunting]

[explodes]

Well, I never.

-[zapping]
-♪ music fades ♪

[devices powering down]

[hissing, clattering]

[groans] What just happened?

Oh man, my head.

Yes! Yes!
I never thought I'd say this,

but I'm so glad
to hear your voices!

[confused] Good to hear
your voice too?

I am so confused!

Why are we dressed
like gladiators?

What's going on?

I fought everyone, and I won!

And I...

And I never wanna fight
with you guys again.

Seriously.

[Mondo squealing happily]

-Well, that was weird.
-[Rocksteady huffs]

So the Dragons ran off
like little babies,

and we destroyed the rest
of the neck controller things

and probably saved the world
or something.

-[phone ringing]
-[police radio chatter]

-Hm. Respect.
-♪ tense music playing ♪

But what did you
actually get arrested for?

Turtles, your dad's here
to pick you up.

Next time you ditch school,
maybe warn him

before he calls us,
the fire department,

the FBI,
and, for some reason, the IRS.

[slams]

[yelling in vermin]

What?! No! Dad,
we're sorry, okay?

-It-It was Mikey's idea!
-Leo!

I think I was
technically kidnapped!

♪ Mellow music playing ♪

Well, back to the arena,
you know,

gotta get ready for, uh...

-Lame.
-[sighs] Forget it.

♪♪

♪ Music ends abruptly ♪