03x06 - Matching Set

[bunniefuu]

I'm gonna miss you.

Oh, I've written it all down, Mum.
You've got his food, his meds, his

piggy.

And what's his sleep schedule?

Ah, he's not a newborn, he's a dog. So,
you'll be fine. Oh, Gonzalo's here.

Have a sexy time.

Sorry? Well, I couldn't help but notice
the lingerie in your bag.

Ah, oh, like you couldn't help but go
through my bag?

We shouldn't have any secrets.

We're besties.

f*ck, you're so annoying.

So it's back on.

That was quick.

He's just invited me to, like, a work
thing. Some client has a fancy pub in

West Wyalong.

Oh, I know. But apparently it's, like, a
really fancy pub, and it's just the two

of us, so... Time to start a family?

No. Look, I'm going to sperm hits an egg
at your age. It just disintegrates. I'm

glad I opened up. Thanks. Goodbye.

All right.

Hey. Hey.

Sorry. That's all right.

Hello, Gordon.

Oh, hi.

Don't worry. Your fur baby's in good
hands.

Yeah, of course. Thanks for looking
after him, Linnell. Really appreciate

it. Oh, no worries. You too. Enjoy your
dirty weekend.

Yeah, it's a work trip. It's a work
trip. All work and no play makes Gordon

a sexy boy.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, thanks,
Tom. Look who's come to say goodbye.

Ciao, ciao.

Ciao, ciao.

You're all right.

Go back inside.

See you, Gordy. Bye. Drive safe.

You know, when Lavelle and I do end up
together, I don't want you to call me

Dad. Okay. I think that'd be weird. Yes,
I agree.

Yeah.

This would be nice, a bit of time
together, a bit of PandQ.

Yeah.

It's like a fancy hotel room, yeah?

I wonder if there's a bath.

Gordy, can we get Maccas?

Hi, Ash.

Hi, Ash.

You knew they were coming as well,
didn't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh,

yeah, these guys.

Yeah.

for the two of you.

No, I knew that. All good.

You packed all that lingerie for
nothing.

Shame.

Anyway, jump in. Yes, of course. Yes,
thank you.

Facebook, really? Let's go.

Okay. Okay, you have 948 Facebook
friends. Yeah. Who is this one?

Oh, yeah?

Mm-hmm. I know her.

But do you? Yes.

Uh-huh. That's... I went... I went to
school with a daughter.

Mm-hmm. That's Erin Shepley's mum.

More information, please.

Mrs. Shepley is her name. She has a
first name, I'd imagine.

Oh. Come on.

Kerry. It's Narelle.

f*ck it. Oh, no. I called her Mrs. S.
That's not fair.

You can do the honours. No, I can't
unfriend her. I know who she is. Names

are rules. If you can't name them,
you've got to unfriend them.

Wow. Delete.

Gone. Oh, God.

That's f*cked.

She's going to wonder what she did
wrong.

Maybe you can add me again.

Well, a space did just open up.

Okay, now let's play elephant in the
car.

What's going on with you two?

What? Not the elephant in the car, Key.

Oh, okay. I just thought, actually, it
seemed like you thought this was going

to be like a little romantic getaway.
Key, don't be a dickhead. Mum, she's

just messing around. She's got a warped
sense of humour.

I don't have lingerie.

So you know that we're just all going to
be in one room.

Yes, yes. I did not know that. And now I
do.

And I love it. If you say so.

A bit quiet back there, Brady?

You all right?

Yeah, yeah, nah.

I'm watching Carmen bake.

You're what now?

It's Carmen. She's my girlfriend.

Oh, all right, Brady. When do I get to
meet her? I think Brady's got to meet

her first.

I have met her, just not in real life.
She lives in Manila. Yeah, she's

definitely not a scam.

It's not a scam?

What's she baking?

A visa?

Nah.

I challenged her to bake a cake that
looks like her boobs.

Oh, really? She's got a look of that,
then? Yeah.

Oh, that's really...

Looks very dense.

Yeah, right?

Yeah. Can I look? Yeah, they're good.

Hey, come on. I was on the road. What
are you doing?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You'd risk having an accident to see a
cake that looks like boobs.

Yeah.

Bernie! Hello, Lanelle.

Sorry for just showing up like this, but
I... I thought you'd stopped all this.

Oh, no, I have, really. I haven't had a
drink in months.

I need to talk to you, Linnell. May I
come in?

Bernie, my feelings haven't changed.

Neither have mine.

You made a terrible mistake marrying
that f*cking c*ck, but I need to

talk to you.

It'll only take five minutes.

Please, Linnell, it's important.

Right, five minutes.

That's it.

Battery 50%. Ah, 50%.

Is that okay?

Yeah, it's fine. We're fine. It's just
annoying.

It helps if you charge it, Gordie.

Yep, thanks, Kenny.

So, Gordon. Yeah. I was wondering if I
could get an advance on next month's pay

so I can fly Carmen over so we can meet.

Um... Because, you know, I'd be happy to
drop this whole lawsuit thing.

Are you f*cking serious?

What? You're blackmailing me? Dude, what
the f*ck?

Carmen said you'd react badly.

Oh, this is Carmen's idea. Of course it
is.

Well, that's supposed to mean... What it
means is, Brett, that Carmen asking for

money so she can fly here is textbook
scam. It is textbook scam. No, it's not.

You just don't like her. For all I know,
she could be AI.

But I'm sure she's a very lovely
computer. I love you, Brett. Please send

money. She's not AI, brother. I checked.

Really? How do you check? With an AI.

There's an app that tells you. Oh, AI.
To check your AI. Yeah.

Listen, mate, what actually concerns me
is not that so much, it's the fact that

you've now fully merged with your phone.
That's such bullshit. Okay, how about

this, man? How about this? If you can go
the next 24 hours without looking at

your phone, even once, I'll give you
$1,000.

Really? Straight up. But if you can't,
you drop the lawsuit.

That's good.

Oh. See?

Oh, hey, there's room in the lockbox if
you want to get real, Brady.

Yeah, done. Yay! Take my phone.

You've got a locked box.

Yeah, yeah, my phone's in there. It's a
game changer. It's so good for my ADHD.

And it's medical, so it's a work
deduction.

No, it's not.

Isn't it?

No. Oh.

Yeah, can I get in on that?

Would you like to?

I would love that.

f*cking freedom. Oh, my God.

Now we're talking. I don't want to see
it. I hate that thing. No, they're

horrible. Actually, Gordo, what about
you?

No, I don't have... I need the map.

You don't, mate. You've got that
sat-nav, mate.

Put it in. Put it in. Put it in. Put it
in. Put it in. Put it in. Put it in. I

don't need to. I don't. Fine. Fine.
Fine. I'll put it in. Jesus Christ. All

right. Oh, my God.

We're going to really connect.

It's going to be so good.

Wait. What if we need a phone?

Already cracking.

No. Crack Nicholson back here. It's
giving me a code if we need to. But we

won't need to. Will we, Brittany? No.

No way.

Oh, Cal.

Oh, Cal. See?

We would have missed them if we were all
on our phones.

Let me get a photo.

So,

a very old friend of mine is quite high
up in the ACNC.

I don't know what that... Oh, it's a
government agency that deals with

criminal activities in charities and
not-for-profits.

Right. Anyway, he's told me that your
name has come up in relation to your

charity, Women Against Men Against
Women.

No. Well, wham.

That sounds like it would be... Well,
more.

Well, now.

Yeah, but, Lynelle, whatever it's
called, it's in your name. It's your

charity, and there's been allegations of
a misuse of funds. Oh, I don't think

that's right.

So you need to get everything out of
your name, Lynelle.

Wife talking to old flame.

I don't want to make a theme, Linnell. I
just wanted you to be aware of... I

think you should leave.

I was clearly just doing that, Lee.

Make it... Oh, name-calling. You're a
small, small man.

Small, small married man. OK, OK,
Bernie, I think you should go. I'm

going.

Linnell, I just want you to know that
the eight months that we spent

together... Where's Colin?

Who? Did you not close the front door?

Did I not?

No, sorry.

Colin!

Colin, would you?

No.

Colin! Now you've done it.

Battery 30%. Did you turn the aircon
off?

Yeah, I had to, but I'm trying to save
charge on the battery.

Can I open a window?

No, it makes my ears go... What does
that even mean?

It's weird.

No. What? Just relax, everybody. There's
a charging station up ahead. We're fine.

I think it got stolen. Stolen?

An electric vehicle charger got stolen?

Yeah.

Why? Well, you don't happen to know
anything about it?

Me?

No. Why would I know anything about it?

Well, you're the one asking all these
questions.

Okay. But if you just keep an eye out
for us.

Yeah, I'm looking for one, yeah.

So are we.

Okay, so where?

Same boat.

We're in the same boat, aren't we?

How'd you go?

No good.

But we're fine. We'll be fine.

We'll just have to find another one.
Okay.

Where are the others?

Toilet. Okay.

Yeah.

Actually, I feel like I might have
stuffed this up a little bit.

Oh, no, no, no. We'll find another
charger.

No, no, no, not that.

I mean, I feel like you might have
thought that this was just going to be

the two of us this trip.

No.

This is a work trip. I knew that.

This is what Lanelle said.

It's not lingerie.

She said lingerie. Oh, God.

It's a matching set.

Is that not lingerie? No, it's a
matching set.

But it's not matching bra and undies
matching. They match. I'm not dancing at

the Moulin Rouge, mate.

Point is, it's okay if you did think
that... What do you want me to say?

Because even if I did...

I wanted to just be asked. You clearly
didn't.

It's all good. It's all good. But maybe
I did. I just thought that maybe you

would think that it's too much or it's
too soon. Oh, it's all right. You could

have asked me.

I could have, but it's, you know, it's
not very romantic.

Gordie, it's fine.

I just think that we're not on the same
page.

But that's what I'm saying. Maybe we are
on the same page. We're just at slightly

different paragraphs of that page, you
know. It's not. And if we just looked at

the page together.

Now, Brett's here.

Hey. Hey. Hey, Brady. Is a matching bra
and undies automatically lingerie?

No, it's just a matching thing.

Thank you.

I didn't know. I thought it was the same
thing.

You? Yeah. What an idiot.

Yeah.

Colin!

Colin!

Here, boy. Come on.

In the doggy.

Colin!

Colin!

Battery 25%.

Hey, Key, take my phone out of the
lockbox. I've got to find a charging

station. This map's got no f*cking idea.

First one to break. It was a nice little
spell. It was, and now it's broken.

Oh, sh*t.

Okay, very good.

No, I'm not joking.

Can we not do this?

It's in fortress mode.

What? Tell me you're joking. I'm not. I
don't even know. How the f*ck did I do

that? What is that? What's fortress
mode? It's just you can't get it into

it. Okay, calm down. You can't get into
it. Okay, there'll be an override

somewhere. No, yes, yes, yes, yes. You
just have to get a code from the

lockbox. And how do you... It's online.

Oh, no.

This isn't good, man. This is f*cked,
actually. Because I didn't tell Carmen

what we were doing, and she's probably
freaking out. Key, not ideal. No. But

we're fine. We've got enough battery.
We'll find a charging place. We're

actually fine. Yeah. We're actually,
actually fine. Everything's good. Yeah.

Yeah.

Check out this guy. He's all over the
shop.

Oh, yeah.

Holy sh*t. Oh, my God.

Did you see that? Yes, I saw that.

There's a sign in the back of the van.
It says, help me. No, it didn't. Yes, it

did. Well, you have to help. I fully
agree.

Well, what are we going to do, Mad Max?
Ram them off the road? I think we should

just follow them.

Should we? No, definitely not. Yeah, I
mean, yeah.

You know what? I'm just going to hang
back.

We're already here, and we'll just see
what happens. And maybe a cop car will

come or something.

Gordon, this is... 100% kids f*cking ran
in the back of the van.

Really? You think kids are in that van?
I have three boys, mate. They do this

sort of sh*t all the time.

Or it's a psycho.

But either way, do you want to spend the
last 22% of the battery finding out?

Oh, they're turning off.

What do you think?

I mean... No, Gordon, don't do it. No,
stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

Don't do it. Come on, come on. They're
doing it.

Shut up. Everyone relax.

You k*lled her.

Well, I give good hell to... Stop it!

Stop it!

Bernie! Bernie! Stop it!

I don't bloody need this.

You're supposed to be looking for the
dog.

I was. I looked all around.

I can't remember what it looks like. He
looks like a crippled border terrier,

Bernie. Oh, I didn't see it. You ripped
my shirt.

Get out.

Me? Yes, you, Bernie. This is all your
fault. Get out.

You heard her.

I will.

But I want you to know that the eight
months that we spent together... Go!

Unbelievable.

Anyway, drink?

What?

What do you mean drink?

Shall we have a drink?

Colin is missing.

Right. Yes. So get in the car and go and
find him.

What, now? Yes, now.

Right you are.

Come on.

No, leave it. No, we're going to need
like a blowtorch or something. Okay,

we'll find ourselves a blowtorch.

It makes me crazy.

Maybe... Okay, they definitely know that
we're following them.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hundo P.

Honestly, mate, you need to do it. You
need to turn around. You need to go

back. That's obvious.

Key, it's too late, mate. We're fully
in.

Fully in.

Freddie! Stop the bus! Stop it!

Okay,

he's turning. Where is he?

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, my God. sh*t, I think he lives here.

Gordie, turn around. Go, go.

Somebody might need help, Key.

f*cking hell.

It's okay.

It's okay, everyone.

It's okay.

That's bad. This is bad.

Gordy. It's okay.

Do not go all Peter Parker here, because
he could have a g*n, okay? Hey, it's not

America, okay? At best, he'll have a
knife. Oh, great. He'll f*cking stab

you. Yeah, I'll back you up. No, no, no,
no. Just f*cking everyone relax.

I'm just going to have a chat, okay?
Look, he looks, he seems like a...

Psycho? Yeah, he looks like a psycho.
Psycho.

Can I help you, mate? G'day.

Is this your place?

Mm, yep.

It's really lovely.

Thanks.

Um, yeah, I just, um, sorry, I'm so
weird. Uh, my name's Gordon, hello.

Is there anyone else in the van at all?

Excuse me?

Hello.

f*ck you, look at that, Gordon.

Ooh, you like her, huh? Is that why
you've been following us? I can hook you

up. No, that's okay. You two would be
great together. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I

didn't mean to look. She's very
beautiful. I just, um...

I just have reason to believe that there
might be someone inside the van who

doesn't want to be there, potentially.

What are you going to

do?

Who was it?

A help me sign in the back window. I
just saw a help me sign.

Are you OK?

Yeah. I was going to... Hey,

you been doing that help me sh*t again?

Have you? Get out of here.

Come on, quick sticks, let's go.

f*cking dawdle.

Let's go.

Oh, so it was kids.

Yeah, I can see that.

Did you?

Yeah, f*cking get inside, both of you.

Go on.

Come on, you heard your father, boys.

And they're f*cking Nintendo.

Screen time, sis.

Bad, yeah. Yeah. Kids.

You think we kidnapped them or
something, did you?

No, no, no, no.

We did a little bit. Well, a little bit.
Yeah.

Sorry, we did. Yeah.

That's funny, is it? Kidnapping kids.

No. It's not. It's not funny. We don't
make light of that at all. No. In fact,

the opposite. That's why we're... That's
why we're here.

In many ways, yeah.

But it's our mistake. I can see that
now. And I'm really sorry.

You're sorry. We'll just... Oh, I don't
suppose you know of any EV charging

stations that might be in this area?

EV?

Electrical vehicle.

You're on the big smoke now, mate. Put
some f*cking petrol in it.

I would. It's just that it's not a
hybrid vehicle. It's fully electric and

we've got a rebate on it. Yeah. And
you're not driving a car, are you?

Driving a f*cking sewing machine.

Yeah, yeah.

Go f*ck off.

Yep. See you.

You all right? Yeah.

Get the f*cking grass.

Sorry. f*ck with.

f*ck me.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. Telephone. He got you?

Yeah, I'm fine.

How much charge is left?

Six percent, but there'll be ten percent
in reserve.

Really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

That's not true. It's how they're
designed. It's how they're designed for

sure. We're good.

Oh, five now.

Sound the fanfare. The hero has
returned.

You found him. Where is he?

He's just outside doing a wee-wee.

Where was he?

He was at the pound.

The pound?

That happened so quickly.

I forgot him as soon as he got out the
front gate.

Yes, it's a bloody nanny state, isn't
it? Unbelievable.

Anyway, all's well that ends well.

That's not Colin.

What? Yes, it is.

Colin's got wheels.

Well, he must have lost them or some
kids stole them.

Lee, his back legs don't work.

Still? Always.

Well, it's an upgrade.

See?

Anyway, I must mend my pocket.

Why are you slowing down?

What are you doing? Battery 0%. Are you
serious? Oh, my God!

What does that mean?

You said 10% was left. I thought there'd
be 10%. I thought there was. You're

saying 0%. I can hear her.

You're going into a tree. Oh, my God!

No,

don't put me back on hold.

This is the wrong dog. We can't keep
him.

Right, well, stick it up your arse then.

God,

you look exactly like him.

Are you, Colin?

My God.

You are, aren't you?

Your legs were fine the whole time.

Got him.

Locked in the laundry. It was at my
underpants. Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, Colin!

You haven't got rid of the other one
yet.

Oh, no, the pound won't take him back.

You should make Bernie take him.

He'd probably diddle him. He's so
lonely.

Lee? Hmm?

Bernie told me Wuam was in some sort of
financial trouble or something.

What? What could he mean?

Darling, Bernie is just a disgruntled
ex-lover, isn't he? Now, we know that.

And he would say anything to get your
attention, wouldn't he? Yes?

But is there anything?

You know, what I'd like to know is what
are we going to call that dog?

You just said you wanted to get rid of
him. No, no, no. He's gorgeous.

He's much better than the other one,
don't you think?

Well, he is cute. He's very cute.

Look at him. His little wet nose. Look
at him.

They're so happy together, too. I'm
happy. Look at them. Look at him. Look

at him.

Yeah.

I think we've got about 40 minutes left
of daylight, okay? So at this point, I

think it's safest just to stay with the
car overnight and we'll walk out in the

morning. Really?

Yeah. What, we're all going to sleep in
there, are we?

Well,

we could, I mean, girls can stay in the
cabin and Brady and I will stay in the

tray. I'll make a fire.

Oh, right. Got any water, Bear Grylls?

Brady, Brady, Brady, Brady, Brady,
Brady!

Do we bring any water?

No. We have a slab of IPA and a slab of
tox.

Okay. What, the electrolyte beer?

Should be pretty hydrating.

Oh, fantastic.

We're saved.

Hey, Key, Key, if you have a plan, I'm
all ears, mate. Hey, how about this? We

put all our phones into an impenetrable
lockbox that doesn't open until

tomorrow. That's fantastic. That's a
great plan.

Thank you, Nick.

f*cking bloody stop with the begging!

Okay,

come on. Here we go.

Look alive.

Thank you, Gordon.

It's the good stuff.

Okay.

Here is to camping, adventure with
friends.

Cheers. Hey, adventure.

Yeah. Cheers.

That's so salty. That's so gross. How
much salt is in that, Brett? That's the

electrolytes.

It's going to make us thirstier, if
anything.

Yeah. You know what? I'm going to call
it.

Because the sooner I go to bed, the
sooner this nightmare is over.

Yeah. I'll just go brush my teeth with
IPA.

Yeah, I try not to do it near the
toilets that I dug.

Okay, you stop and you get up and you
come and show me exactly where they are.

Okay, no worries.

I think I remember where it is.

How many have you done today anyway?

Three, three and a half. Yeah, I've
counted three.

Yeah. So gross.

That's what I counted.

Well, you know.

Well. You can't say I don't take you to
nice places.

Totally. Oh, my God.

Salty beer.

No amenities.

Very close to the road.

Convenient. Yeah, it's really good. It
doesn't get any closer.

How about this? How about we just draw a
line under it?

Under what?

Under us. Like all the history, all the
bullshit, and we just go, hey, we're

meeting for the first time right now.
Starting fresh.

Two people meeting by the campfire.

Okay. Hi. My name's Gordon. What's your
name?

Hi.

Lucy. Lucy?

Yeah. Thought we were doing real names.

Okay, my name's Ashley, but, you know, I
don't know you.

Right. Can't be too careful.

That's actually... That's good thinking.

Gordon. That's not a great name.

I hope your last name's better.

The word around the campfire is you've
got a matching set. Let's talk colours.

Not really appropriate, mate. I just met
you.

Fair point.

Yeah.

Ease up.

Stop!

What is it? Don't move.

What the f*ck is it? Just, um... Is it a
spider?

It's not a spider.

You promise?

In all honesty, not a spider.

Something else, which is fine and
harmless.

Is it a spider, though?

Not a spider.

Because if it's a f*cking spider, I'm
going to freak the f*ck out.

It is a spider.

f*cking hell! Okay, okay, okay.

Where is it? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

You're good. You're good. You're good.

I can't do this.

I'm going to go to bed now because I've
never camped.

I am the indoor type.

And I'm f*cking done here. Good night.

Thanks a lot, you f*cking eight-eyed
f*cking freakish. Okay.

Morning.

Hi.

Everything all right? Oh, yeah.

Yes, we are. A car and a battery.

Right, yeah, well, it is an EV, so what
do you expect?

Hi.

Hey.

Thank God you're driving past.

No, well, I wasn't.

We've actually, we had an inquiry from
the Department of Foreign Affairs, so

that means I had to come out here and
deal with you people.

So who called it in? I believe the
alarms were raised in the Philippines.

A lady by the name of... Carmen!

Yeah. Oh, my God, I told you. What? We
share locations. She must have just seen

me sitting here in the middle of
nowhere.

What?

Right, so no emergency.

No one's injured.

No. Oh, my back hurts a little.

All right. Well, yeah, great use of my
time. Thank you.

Thank you.

Hey. Hey.

I told you she's not AI. Hey. You're
going to owe me a thousand bucks. We

don't know that. AI is perfectly capable
of making a phone call, Brett. Hey, why

didn't you press the SOS button?

What?

Where's that?

Oh, it's just right there. It's where it
says SOS.

Oh, there it is.

Couldn't be bigger, couldn't be redder,
couldn't be more embossed. I'll tell you

what the emergency is. You're a
f*ck.

Yep, okay. Just, yep. Yep.

Yep. SOS.

Gordon's f*cked.

Gordon, it's right there, man.

Sorry, you were in the front too.

You're just as close as he is. This
sounds like a work thing. I'm gonna...

Great. Oh, sh*t.

Oh, thanks. That's your phone.

Jesus, maybe I am addicted.

Yeah, maybe.

Oh, and hey, thanks for a top weekend,
you two.

Excuse me?

Oh, well, I said it would be kids in the
back of the van, didn't I? She did.

It was us, all right. No,

just try and make a citizen sign in the
back. Where was this?

Just outside Cowra. And was it a dark
blue van?

Yeah. And the guy was bald with a beard
and he had skinny messes with big lips?

Oh, yeah, and two young boys in the
back.

Two young boys? Yeah.

This is car 14. I may have located those
two missing boys.

Requesting backup. Over. Oh, my God.
Copy that, car 14. A unit is dispatched.

We f*cking knew it. We f*cking knew
that.

Yeah.

Kiara? Yeah, mate.

Suck here. Oh, okay.

No, suck here. Hey!

Hey!

These children are in danger.

Yeah, that's what I was trying to tell
her the whole time.

Enough!

Oh my God.

Mom just posted a video of Colin
walking.

Everybody talking about one, two, three,
four.

Everybody talking about one, two, three,
four. Everybody do the one, two, three,

four. Everybody talking about one, two,
three. Will you not walk a mile just to

die?

Gotta learn what that door is for.