03x02 - Clean, Honest, Open, Transparent Love

[bunniefuu]

[Man on radio]
You're with Ditzy and Riptug

on this Tuesday morning,
smashing out the hits.

Hey, who remembers
this banger from 1986?

# Dave Dobbyn with Herbs'
"Slice of Heaven" #

[Song stops abruptly]

Um, you... you know,

you don't have to stay for this.

- What? No. No.
- Yeah.

I want to meet
the other love of your life.

Oh, no, you don't.
Don't say that.

- No. I mean... I mean Colin.
- Oh!

Yes.

This is important to you,

you know,
so it's important to me.

- [David] Just here?
- Yeah.

- Are we gonna fit?
- Uh, yeah.

There's so much room.

We made it!

Hey, thank you for being, like,

the most patient,
the most beautiful,

the most sexiest
driving teacher ever.

- [Ashley giggles]
- I love you.

Yeah, you too. Shall we go?

Yeah, you go, I've just gotta do

a couple of things
for my allergies, pre-Colin.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

Okay.

- I'll see ya!
- Okay.

Love you...

[Dog barks in distance]

[Dog barks]

[Romantic music]

Hi.

[Giggles]

Hi!

Hey, there she is. There she is.

Hi.

[Colin whines]
Yeah.

[Wheels squeak]

Good boy! Good boy!

I missed you so much! I did!

Oh, I did. I missed you!

- Hey!
- Missed you!

- Ooh. Hey!
- I think he remembers you.

Oh, I hope so.

God.

- Oh. Uh-oh. Don't turn around.
- What is it?

Nothing. Just don't turn around.
It's a weird guy, weird guy.

Shall we laugh?

[Both laugh falsely]

Anyway, should probably go now.

- Ha-ha!
- Ahoy there!

Ahoy, me hearty! He's coming.

- Arr!
- David? Oh.

- What are you wearing? Sorry.
- Hi.

Gordon, this is David,
allergic to dogs.

- Gordon.
- Hey!

G'day.
Good to meet you, finally.

- David. Hello.
- Hey. How you doing?

- Good.
- Sorry about the get-up.

I'm just, um...

I'm trying to limit the contact

with, uh, the dander in the fur.

- That's really toxic.
- The...

- The dander.
- The dander?

- [David] Yeah.
- Oh.

- And the saliva.
- Oh, right.

Both really, um,
get to me, so...

Did you need all that?

Yeah, I'm just trying to be...

- This is him, is it?
- Yes.

- This is the famous Colin.
- Hello, Colin!

- [Laughs]
- He's not that scary.

No!

- Hi!
- [Ashley] Okay.

Oh, you don't have to touch him.

- Don't worry about it.
- [Splutters]

Don't push yourself, you know?

Okay.
Oh, no!

- What's wrong?
- You right?

- It's happening.
- [Gordon] Oh, Jesus.

[David] I knew it. Oh, God!

[David exhales]

Darl, are you all right?

Uh...

[Water squirts]

[David groans]

[Gargles]

It's okay.
I'm just gonna be over here.

- Yeah.
- No worries.

He must have a lot of dander.

[Gordon] Yeah, the dander.

Don't. He's rea...
He's really allergic.

I didn't say anything.
He's nice.

He is really sweet, yeah.

- You been together long or...?
- Yeah, two and a half years.

Okay. Oh, wow. Serious.

Yeah, it's pretty ser...
pretty serious.

- All right.
- How about you?

Do you have a...

[Comical voice]
..girlfriend, boyfriend?

Uh, me? Yeah.
Yeah, I've got a girlfriend.

[Regular voice] Oh, really?

- Ha-ha. Wow.
- Yeah.

Uh, Chelsea, she's a lawyer.

Uh, been together about a year.

This is good!

Yeah, you've got a girlfriend.
I've got a...

Beekeeper.

- Don't.
- Sorry.

I'm just saying, this is good.

I'm relieved, actually.

- Oh.
- You've got...

Yeah, we can be friends.
We can be mates.

- So now that we are mates...
- Yes.

..um, why don't you guys
come to my birthday party?

- Oh, is it your birthday?
- Yeah, in a few days. Yeah.

And, uh, I know
we never got to my birthday

when you and I were together,
but I seem to remember

celebrating your birthday
almost constantly.

Shut up.

Why don't you come?
If he makes it.

[Gargles, splutters]

Chelsea's organizing it.
It's gonna be at the brewery.

Yeah. You'll get to see
everyone again. It'll be fun.

Everyone? Oh, God. Okay.
[Laughs awkwardly]

Should I go?

Should I go, Collywobbles?

Um, yeah, I'll think about it.

Hey, unrelated...

Was that you I saw
at the brewery the other day?

When?

It was the same day
we met, actually.

Later that day. Was that you?

- A few days ago?
- Ooh. No. No, no, no.

- Outside the brewery?
- No.

- In a car?
- Car?

With wine?

I'm off the grog right now,
so it wasn't me.

- Oh. I must have got that wrong.
- [David] Hey, Ash.

I think my throat's
closing over.

[Gags and retches]

You've got to go.
His throat's closing over.

Yeah, I've got to drive him.
He's on his L's.

- He's on his L's?
- Shut up.

[Theme music]

[Gordon] Hey, Bretty boy.

I want to tell you something.

I just want to get ahead
of something, okay?

Um, I'm going to tell you
in confidence,

and I don't...
you're not allowed to hit me.

Okay?

- You invited Ash, didn't you?
- Yes, I did.

No, no, no, no!
She's bringing her boyfriend!

- I'm gonna hit you.
- She's bringing her boyfriend!

Got a boyfriend, yeah, okay?
So it's fine.

We can be mates. So it's above
board, mate. It's all fine.

- Real talk, Gordo?
- Yeah.

- When she left you...
- It was mutual, man.

She left you, all right?

And I've never seen you
like that before.

And I never want to again.

You won't, man.

As long as I've known you,
Gordon,

you've always been great
with the ladies, yeah?

You're like the Ronda Rousey
of relationships.

- Is that a UFC reference?
- Yeah.

Again, I don't get
those references, man.

- Ronda Rousey was undefeated.
- Okay.

- Her armbar's legendary.
- I get it, I get it.

Until she met Holly Holm,
"The Preacher's Daughter."

Point is, yep, I'm Ronda Rousey,
um, Ash is Holly Holm.

Yes, she destroyed
my confidence.

- She took my heavyweight title.
- Bantamweight.

Bantamweight. f*ck', I get it.

It's fine, though. We're mates.
She's coming. It's all good.

We're mates.
Everyone f*ck' relax.

And, Bretty?

Mate, if you hit me again,
I'm gonna hit you back.

- Okay.
- Oh, okay. f*ck'...

But it's there. Yeah.

- We're good?
- We're good.

I love you.

Love you too. Okay?

But just... just don't
poke the bear.

- All right?
- Cool.

[Lighthearted music]

Hi. I'm Ashley.

[Giggles] Thank you, I am fun.

But I'm also a medical doctor.

How do I know Gordon?
We went out.

It was short,
but very meaningful.

He's still in love with me.
He's f*ck' obsessed with me.

Can I look at your rash?

Not right now. I'm at a party.

Meggles!

I'm overthinking it, aren't I?

Is this a good party outfit?

Is it a kids' party?

f*ck!

Okay, it's really important

Gordon sees how hot you are.

Firm agree. I had a dream
about him last night.

And... and we were on a beach,

and I did a cartwheel
in a bikini,

and I looked so f*ck' good.

Was it, like, your body
or a dream body?

Yes, it was my body.

Oh, well, you know,
sometimes it's...

Yeah, okay. My t*ts were bigger.

- f*ck off.
- What's this, though?

You look like you
just got out of a cult.

f*ck' hell, man.

Get it off.

I need you to come with me.
I need a wingman.

No. You've got David.

No, because he's coming after
his fish market trial.

He'll be late.
Can't Rumi put Genre down?

[Whispers] I don't trust her
to put him down.

I'm sorry?

How did you hear that?

No, it's not that
I don't trust you.

I can put him down, babe.

Yeah, I know you can. It's just
he's used to me doing it.

Yeah, because
you never let me do it.

Is "put him down" right?

- That is not true.
- Sounds wrong.

[Rumi] Meggles,
for f*ck's sake...

- Like, put him down.
- ..I can put our boy down.

And yes, Ash,
that's the correct parlance.

- What the f*ck are you wearing?
- Party clothes!

Don't get mad at me.
You're mad at her.

Babe, listen.

Babe, I just want you
to relax, okay? Okay?

I want you to let me help you.
I want you to have a fun night.

Yeah, come have a fun night.

I won't be any fun, Ash.

I'm not, like,
a party girl anymore.

I don't even drink anymore.

Please?

I guess I could do, like,
a "mama's first night out post."

Ew.

- Let's do a "get ready with me."
- Ahh.

Yes, actually, this is good.

- No, this is good.
- Yeah.

- [Soul music]
- [Guests chatter]

Hey, darling, can you just maybe
make sure the people over there

get it as well?

- I'm a brewery boy.
- [Laughs]

Going out with
a brewery boy, yeah.

- Yeah.
- Happy birthday!

Thanks, babe. Yeah, well,
she threw this for me.

[Soul music continues]

I'm gonna go find Gordy.

Where is he? Where's Gordon?

- Could be good.
- [Gordon] Yeah.

Excuse me, sir.
This is the d*ck police.

There's been a report that your
d*ck's f*cking way too small!

- c**t!
- Okay. f*ck' hell, man.

- Huh?
- Sorry. You're a c*ck.

- Happy birthday, cuntstick.
- Mate!

Why'd you come here for? You
didn't have to come for this.

What are you f*cking talking
about? It's your birthday.

- You'd do the same for me.
- No, I wouldn't, mate.

I've missed heaps
of your birthdays.

Yeah, I know,

'cause you're the f*cking
shitter brother, aren't you?

- Hey?
- Okay. All right, here we go.

- Oh, thanks, mate. Cheers.
- Cheers.

Plus, it gets me away
from f*ck' Katie,

who's all "perimenopausal this,
perimenopausal that."

- Mm-hm.
- Is it just me?

Or did that sh*t start
a couple of years ago?

It's just you.

Remember when Mummy
got a bit weird

and she just hit
the rieslings a bit harder

and she f*cking got on with it.

You should start a podcast, man.
Real Joe Rogan vibes.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Thanks, man. That's really nice.

- Oh, you got it, man.
- Is Ash here yet?

- I don't think so, no.
- f*ck!

Ash and Chels at the same party.

It's fine.

That's some f*cking
big ba*ls, c**t.

That's some big
m*therf*cking testes, son.

Okay.

That's some f*cking
big ba*ls on toast.

- Keep it down, mate.
- I'm gonna circulate, big ba*ls.

I'll see you soon.

Um...

Yes. Uh...

- Stocks.
- Mm-hm.

- Shares?
- Mm-hm.

- Market.
- Mmm.

Yes.

f*ck. Oh, my God.
[Laughs nervously]

This was a mistake.
Why did we come?

Good. Let's go.

Is should get back to Genre.

No, no, no, no.
Don't do that. Let's stay.

[David] Hey, just in time.

- [Ashley] Hi.
- Oh, my God. David!

[Ashley] Oh, sh*t, David!
What the f*ck?

A bit too fishy for you?

Too fishy for anyone.
Didn't you shower?

I'm sorry. I didn't want to be
late. It's not that bad, is it?

- It's bad!
- Hey.

- Smells really bad.
- Hey, there she is.

- Hi!
- Hi. Ahh!

- Meggles, how are you?
- Bretty, how are you, mate?

[Megan] It's so nice
to see you, mate.

Yeah, good to see you too.
And this must be your boyfriend.

[Sniffs] Fish?

David. How are you?
Good to see you.

- Good you're here, mate.
- Cool.

Good you're here.

- [Chiara] Ashley, hey.
- Hey, Chi.

How are you?
Going good. Yeah. Good. [laughs]

Hi. Too busy to say hello to
your first l*sbian girlfriend.

- Oh, sorry, Chi. How are you?
- Hello!

It's just I'm checking on Genre.

It's actually
my first night away.

- Shondra?
- Genre.

- Uh-huh.
- It means 'origin' or 'kind'.

Oh. And that is a child?

- Yep.
- Oh, congratula...

f*ck, something smells...

Something smells like
a dead mermaid's vag*na.

[Laughs] No. I'm David.
I'm Ashley's bloke.

I've just been
at the fish market.

Oh. All good.
Don't need to hug right now.

We're gonna get
a little drinkie. Please.

- That'd be a good idea.
- Go to the bar.

Very handsome. And very smelly.

Yeah.

Anyway, being a mum
is just, like, so full-on.

You have no idea.

Oh, I have some idea.
I had three under five.

- How old is she?
- He.

- 18 months.
- Yeah, um...

It's just, like, you don't
realize how hard it's gonna be

every moment,
you know, every minute.

- Correct.
- What... what do they need?

- Mm-hm.
- How... how much has he eaten?

- Mm-hm.
- Has he slept enough?

It is... It's, like, relentless,
you know.

You... you only have one, though.
You've just got the one.

He's a toddler, though.
And a boy.

So I'm... I'm really
in the trenches.

I have three actual boys -


I mean, I've got trench foot,
trench mouth and dysentery.

I'm in the trenches.
I think you've forgotten

how hard toddlers are.

Are you on crack?
'Cause I'm considering it.

And you know who I could
buy it from? My 11-year-old.

[Gordon] Ashy.

- Oh, hi.
- [Gordon] Hey.

- Hi, Gordie. [Laughs]
- Hey.

[Ashley] There he is.
Happy birthday.

Hey, thank you.
Thanks for coming.

Thank you so much
for inviting us.

Yeah, of course.

Is that salmon?
Uh, hey, man.

Yeah, I think, yep, it is.

Hm. It's not fresh, I tell ya.

- Is it not?
- Nuh. Uh-uh.

Doesn't matter.
Just say happy birthday, babe.

- Sorry. Happy birthday, mate.
- Yeah, thanks, mate.

- Appreciate it.
- Oh.

- [Gordon] Oh!
- Oh, no, no, no.

- Come on. That's enough.
- Oh, my God! Oh!

I can smell that now.
You're right.

- That's off, isn't it?
- Who does your fish?

- Did you eat this?
- Oh, it's okay.

I could eat a day-old prawn
out of a dirty ashtray.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

- Iron gut?
- Yeah.

- Feel it.
- Ha-ha!

- No, feel it.
- It's all right.

He can't.
He's got no free hands.

Throw that out.
It's disgus... It's off.

Can I just say,

I think it's really sweet
you guys have reconnected.

Thanks.

I'm still really close to my ex.

Yeah, right. [Sniffs]

I'm sorry. That... that salmon's
really hanging around, isn't it?

- [Ashley] Yes.
- That's terrible.

You know what?
Hey, just, you circulate.

Got lots of people to talk to,
birthday boy.

- I'll find you later.
- Okay.

- Let's have a drink. Come on.
- Good to see you.

- Good to see you.
- Wanna try some of your beers.

- Yeah, all right. Yeah, do!
- Yeah.

I'm saying
you got big ba*ls, c**t!

- Shut up, mate.
- Big ba*ls!

Still alive or...

S-sorry Chi. It's just...
he usually goes down early.

- No, no.
- Chi, can you not?

I'm sure he's great, but no one
wants to talk about your kid.

- You're really boring now.
- What?

You've forgotten
how to be at a party.

- Ask me a f*cking question.
- Oh, sorry. f*ck.

Um, okay.

[Exhales] How are you?

Oh, thanks for asking.
I'm really good. I've got ADHD.

- You've always had that.
- No, that's new.

[Megan] Hmm.

Uh, Andre and I
got back together.

- What?
- Which was great.

Until it wasn't.
And, uh, now we are open.

- Holy sh*t!
- Yeah.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Well, what's that like?
I mean, Rumi's pretty curious.

It's pretty great,
actually. Yeah.

And the hardest thing about
having an open relationship

is organizing child care.

Hmm! Oh, my God.
Tell me about it.

- If I just want an hour...
- Stop.

- Just one hour...
- I'm telling you about it.

You're listening. You've got
your listening ears on.

[Guests laugh and chatter]

- What are you drinking there?
- [Guest] Uh...

Well, I mean,
they are gonna be bankrupt

when you're done with them.

[Laughs] I am all in.

You have a good night, okay?

- Thanks, Tobes. Thanks again.
- Knock 'em dead.

- Stop it! [Laughs]
- [Ashley chuckles]

Oh, wait, wait, wait. Sorry.
Can I just fix that?

Hi. You must be Chelsea. Hello.

Hello! Um, what's your name?

Ashley.

Ashley. Hello, Ashley.

Thanks so much
for organizing this.

Oh, yeah. Of course.

- [Woman] Chelsea!
- Hi, darling. Hi.

- [Chelsea laughs]
- [Woman] Nice to see you.

Yeah. It's so good
to see Heavy again.

- Ohh. Good.
- Yeah.

We always got on so well.
[Laughs]

[Laughs awkwardly]

- Hmm.
- [Chelsea] Hmm!

Did Dawn, um, come up?

Uh, no. No. She was unable to.

Oh, shame.

Oh, my gosh. Stop it!

- Get out of here. [Laughs]
- [Woman] You stop it.

I was there when Brian died.

Yeah. [Laughs awkwardly]

Yeah, when he passed away,
I was there.

- It was terrible.
- Oh, no, it's... Yeah.

Such a shock.
Like, for everyone.

- Yeah. I'm sure that was. Yeah.
- Yeah.

So, I was, uh, actually there.

Like, I was physically there
next to Gordon.

- Oh, really?
- Yes.

'Cause I was his girlfriend.

- Oh. Oh, yes.
- Yeah.

- Okay. Yeah.
- Yeah.

- At the time.
- That makes total sense.

Yeah. We were
boyfriend-girlfriend.

[Laughs falsely]
Anyway, I'm sorry.

If you'll excuse me,
I have to go feed the dog.

- Oh, Colin's here?
- Yeah.

Yeah, he's in the office because
someone's allergic, apparently.

Oh, are they?
Yeah. Well, I can...

You're busy. I can feed him.

Oh, no, that's fine.
He needs medicine.

I know.

Yeah, but he's just
a bit nervous.

He doesn't... he doesn't
take food from just anyone.

I'm not just anyone.

No. Of course not.

- You are Ashley.
- That's it.

- Yeah.
- Yes.

- Anyway, have a good night!
- Oh, you too.

- Nice to meet you.
- Uh-huh.

# It's time to let, let go... #

- # Let go, let go... #
- [Sighs]

# Let go
It's time to let... #

- [Toilet roll holder thuds]
- f*cking great.

- # It's time to let go... #
- Ashy, is that you?

[Gasps] Meggles. Oh, my God.
This is rough, hey?

- Is it?
- Yeah.

- Can I have some toilet paper?
- Hm.

Boo, I just met Chelsea,
Gordon's new girlfriend.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

She's so f*cking beautiful,
I want to k*ll myself.

I bet she isn't.

She is. And she's, like,
f*cking crazy confident.

She's like a hot robot
of an old movie star.

I look like a f*cking
homeless person next to her.

A person currently
experiencing houselessness?

Not even.
Just a full homeless person.

- Oh, sh*t.
- Yeah.

And her eye contact
was, like, f*cking crazy.

She was, like, staring
at the back of my head.

I felt like
all my clothes fell off.

Jesus.

I don't even think
she's ever heard of me.

No?!

- Yeah.
- [Door opens]

Do number twos at home, thanks.
I don't want to hear it.

Mum?

[Lynelle] Oh, there you are.

What the f*ck?

Oh, they discontinued
this lipstick. I'm devastated.

Mum, it is so inappropriate
that you are here.

I could say the same,
Ashley Marie.

No, you couldn't,
because he invited me.

What are you doing here?

Well, Megan posted
on her Insta stories.

- [Toilet flushes]
- Hello, Lynelle.

I didn't realize
you still followed me.

Oh, hello, Megan.

How's your dad?

Why don't you return
his calls and find out?

I don't think
there's much more to say.

He doesn't feel that way.

[Sighs]

[Lynelle] Has anybody met
Gordon's new girlfriend?

She's so elegant,
and her skin is amazing.

Oh, you never stood a chance
with all your sun damage.

Mum, it's freckles.

They're freckles
when you're a child, darling.

At your age, it's sun damage.

# Yeah, yeah, yeah-hey #

I nearly went with
Trout of This World.

[Chiara] Uh-huh.

But actually
I've ended up with...

"Benefit of the Trout."

[Laughs] Yeah.

Did you consider, um,
Shadow of a Trout?

Mmm. But... no.

- [Alistair] Out and A-trout?
- Uh-uh.

- [Chiara] Trout of Control?
- Uhh.

- Trout for a Duck?
- Mm.

[Chiara] Trout, Trout,
Let It All Out?

- No Diggity, No Trout?
- Uh-uh.

I don't know what that is.

[Chiara] Standing
on the Trout-side Looking In?

You've already done that hand.

[Alistair] Yeah,
that's done that.

- [Chiara] You did that one.
- Yeah.

Yeah, that's well clean.

[Dance music]

- Gordon?
- Present.

- Sorry. [laughs]
- Hey.

Hi.

Um, sorry,
there's no one at the bar,

and Mum would like
some chablis or albarin?o.

Lynelle is here?

Of course.

Yeah, of course she is.

Um, I might have. Do you
want to... I'll just check.

[Box thuds]

Um...

Ooh. Chilly.

- Yeah, it's nice, isn't it?
- Mmm.

You, uh, having fun
at your old mate's party?

I am.

Good. Told you
we could be mates.

- I know we could be mates.
- Door's closing, door's closing.

- Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!
- [Door slams]

- [Timer buzzes]
- [Gordon] f*ck it.

- [Ashley] Oh!
- Oh, sorry, it's on a timer.

[Ashley] Oh, my God,
you're joking.

[Gordon]
No. It happens six times a day.

It's fine. I'll just text Chi.

- [Ashley] Where's your phone?
- I left it here.

[Objects clatter]

[Gordon] Uh, somewhere.

Um... [Speaks indistinctly]

- Hey, there you are.
- [Ashley] Sorry.

# Can you make me feel
all right? #

# Tonight... #

[Lips smack]

# I'll dream forever... #

[Phone chimes]

# Midnight... #

- [Ashley laughs nervously]
- Yeah.

[Dance music continues]

Well, around the base
of the beak,

if you press through from
the other side with your thumbs

and you just push it through,
then the beak fully comes out.

Octopuses have beaks?

Yeah, and if you bake them
for an hour,

they taste like a chip.

Do you know that octopuses

are at least as intelligent
as Labradors?

f*ck off.

I'd never eat a Labrador.

You ever been to China?

You get what you're given
there, mate.

- I haven't.
- [Phone chimes]

But I have eaten
some weird things.

Oh! Gordy's locked
in the cool room.

- [Alistair] Is he?
- Yep.

I'm gonna have to go.
I'll leave you here.

No, I'll take care of that.

- No, no, that's...
- No, no, I insist.

- No, I insist. It's my phone.
- I insist.

- He might need me.
- It's all good.

- Chi, I'm putting my foot down.
- Are ya?

- I'm insisting.
- Are ya?

- I've eaten, uh, crocodile.
- Mm-hm. Yeah.

- Frogs.
- Oh.

- Um, tarantula in Cambodia.
- Oh. Mm-hm.

Which is like a delicacy.

- A horse, by mistake.
- Oh.

That's... [Laughs]
That's actually a funny story.

[Gasps] Is it? Go on, then.

Well, I didn't think
it was a horse.

- Yep.
- But it was.

And then that's the end
of the story, is it?

Yep.

[Door clunks and rumbles]

Ahh, I see.

No, you didn't. Nothing to see.

Oh, no, I do.
I've got eyes in my head.

- [Gordon] No, you don't.
- Hi.

You okay, Ash? All alone here
in the dark with Gordon?

Oh, God, yeah.

- Oh. That's nice.
- Cool.

Just met your boyfriend.

- Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.

Doesn't smell great,

but at least he's boring
and licks his fingers a lot.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

Cool, cool.

- After you.
- Thank you so much.

That's all right, Ash.

- [Dance music]
- [Guests chatter]

I mean, men have been playing
second fiddle for too long.

- Yeah, right.
- They've lost their voice.

Yeah, sure, I guess.

And that's not right.

- Big, strong alpha like you.
- Mm-hm.

[Giggles]
Do you have a girlfriend?

Yeah, Carmen. It's online.

But we haven't met yet.
But, uh...

All the more reason to establish
the rules of engagement.

Yeah, right.

You need to say,
"I'm the man of the house."

Yeah, right.

Say it!

What?

Say, "I'm the man of the house."

I'm the man of the house.

- Again.
- Again.

No.

Say, "I'm the man
of the house" again.

I'm the man of the house again.

No.

[Tapping on microphone]

No?

Everyone, if I can
have your attention.

- Thank you.
- [Ashley speaks indistinctly]

- [Chelsea] Bit of shush.
- Hey, birthday boy. Speech time.

- Hey.
- A bit of shush, please.

- Should probably go over there.
- That's okay.

I, um... I first met Gordon


when we held a work function
here at this very brewery.

And so I met this brew head
or head brew man.

- Or whatever it's called.
- [Guests laugh]

And he says to me, "I am going
to kiss you in six minutes."

- [Woman] Oh, no!
- [Man] Ooh-hoo!

Right? I know! Outrageous.

And I thought, yeah, well,
you know, that's very forward.

It's a bit intense, actually.

But then... he did.

- [Guests laugh]
- It's a good move.

And then I thought, "Well, there
is a man who follows through!"

[Laughs uproariously]

And I thought, "Ah! He's single,
no kids, not fat. Unicorn!"

[Laughs]

Oh, my gosh, she's so funny.

[Chelsea] Um, no,
seriously, guys.

Gordon, you are
a very hardworking

and loyal life partner.

And... I know, we can't always
agree what to watch on TV.

But you usually give in
and we watch my shows! [Laughs]

[Guests laugh]

I mean, what more
could a girl ask for? [Laughs]

Except perhaps a rock
on my finger. Hint, hint.

Got it. Got it.

[Chelsea] Got it!

- Love you, Gooby.
- [Ashley laughs falsely]

So let's all raise a glass

and wish a very happy birthday
to my Gooby, Gordon.

[Guests] To Gordon!

- Happy birthday!
- [Guests] Happy birthday.

- [Brett] Happy birthday.
- Happy birthday.

[Alistair] Come on.
I just need a second.

There's no...
There's no speeches.

Heavy, Heavy, Heavy.
No more speeches.

- Just let...
- Okay.

..me say some words.
Come on, Chels.

- [Feedback whines]
- Give it to me.

I'll introduce you. Oh, my God!

Hey, look at that.

Everyone, this is, um, Alistair,
Gordon's brother!

- Whoo!
- [Guests cheer]

Hand it over. f*ck' hell,

I had to work hard for that one.

[Mouths words]

[Alistair] Uh, firstly,

a big thanks to Chels

for putting on this do
for Flash.

Round of applause, everyone.
Come on!

[Guests cheer]

What do you reckon, eh?
She spared no expense.

Especially since
she got the venue

and all the piss for free.
[Laughs]

- [Guests laugh]
- Oh, yeah.

Uh, no, no, no.

But, look, in all seriousness...

..it's just so great

that Flash has just
finally found the right girl.

You just know when two people
are meant to be together

and they just fully...
they fully get each other.

And there's just no doubt
about it or anything.

You know, I mean,
tonight he's brought Ash.

No. Um...

Chelsea's really cool with it.

It's just such clean, honest,

open, transparent love.

And everyone's really,
really cool about it.

Uh, okay. All right.
Well, that's about all from me.

Oh, no.
Some words of advice, Flash.

As our dear departed dad said
to me on my wedding day...

..when the river runs red,
take the dirt road instead.

- Okay. Thank you.
- Am I right?

- [Laughs]
- [Alistair] Yeah. That's right.

- [Chelsea] Thank you, Heavy.
- That's right!

Let's f*cking party!

[Guests cheer]

- Cheers, mate.
- Cheers, mate.

What a speech.

[Disco music]

# I don't wanna hear about
that kind of day you had #

# Or what happened on the job
that made you mad #

# Tonight I don't wanna
just stay at home #

# Let's find a little club
where we can be alone... #

Have you said it?

Like, "I'm the man
of the house."

I don't have to say it.
I am the man of the house.

Oh.

Yes.

Ooh, I felt that.

You are.

Yeah, I know.

Well done.

# I feel so romantic #

# I want you to whisper
in my ear sweet... #

I'm going to get you
another drink, Lynelle.

I want that one finished
when I get back.

Okay.

# Dance, dance, dance #

# It's been a while
since we had a good time #

# So much pressure's been... #

You're so...

..elegant and tall!

Ah! Thanks. [Laughs] Ohh.

Is your skin care Korean?

It is!

- It is?
- Yes!

I knew it! I knew it!

[Guest laughs]

- Hey, drunky, your Uber's here.
- Ahh.

- You're not my wife.
- You wish.

No. Is that this way?

- Shall we call it?
- Yeah.

Hey, Gordon, we're gonna
head out. Happy birthday, mate.

Cheers, mate.

Bye.

[Alistair] Flash. Flash.

- [David] Okay, Uberino time.
- [Alistair] Happy birthday.

Actually, I might walk home,
if you don't mind.

- Oh, I'm happy to walk.
- No, no, you Uber. I don't mind.

Hell, no. Let's perambulate.

- [Laughs]
- Okay.

- Bye-bye.
- [Ashley] Mm-hm.

Thanks for coming,
Ashley and David.

[Laughs]

So, I'll just group
all of these over here

so it's easy for when
you empty the recycling.

It's okay, Chels, I'll do that.
I'll do that.

Let's put the cans on this side.

Chelsea, I know
how to clean the bar.

What's wrong?

- Oh, nothing. Sorry.
- Oh.

- You all right?
- Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, I... I met your ex.

Oh, yeah?

- Yeah. She's sweet.
- Yeah.

- Quirky.
- Yeah.

- Not really your type.
- Nah.

[Laughs] I'm your type.

Yes, you are.

- Did you have fun?
- Yeah.

- Good.
- Mmm.

You deserve good things.
Love you.

I love you.

Ohh.

- Oh, sorry. That was...
- Oh, yuck!

- Yeah. Sorry.
- Yuck, yuck.

- # Don't f*ck me over... #
- You all right?

Yeah.

- # Sweet darlin'... #
- It's just yuck.

# 'Cause I am the only... #

[David] So good to
meet those guys.

[Ashley] Yeah.

- Really good people.
- Yeah.

Well, of course they're good
people. You're a good person.

Well, you're the best person.

Thank you.

# Sweet darlin'... #

I know I might be biased,
but still...

# I am the only... #

I think you're
pretty bloody great.

# One you should see... #

Thanks, David.

# Ooh #

# Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh #

# Don't f*ck me over #

# Sweet darlin' #

# 'Cause I am the only

# One you should see #