01x31 - Turtle-dega Nights: The Ballad of Rat Man/The Ancient Art of Ninja Hide and Seek

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪

♪ Rising up against evil paint the city green ♪

♪ Raph is ready for a fight Leo's making a scene ♪

♪ Mikey's got mad skills Donnie rocks machines ♪

♪ With each other they discover ♪

♪ Their destiny and rise ♪

♪ Cowabunga ♪

♪ Rise of the ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ♪

♪ Heroes in the half-shell Turtle power ♪

♪ Rise ♪

[cheers and applause]

- [growls]

[snarling]

[all gasp]

- [laughs]

[grunting]

[both screeching]

[both screeching]

[cheering]

all: Jitsu! Jitsu! (continuous chanting)

- [squeals]

- [snoring]

[laughter]

- No! I was having such a glorious dream.

- It was Donnie. - Hm?

- Punish him.

- Get out of here, you hairless teens!

Where is the respect?

[sighs]

Simpler times.

"Calling all drivers from across the realms,

prove you're a champion.

Enter the Death Tube every Friday night.

No guts, no glory."

- Glory.

- Hmm.

- My driving skills will remain supreme.

- Oh!

- Ooh, excellent driving skills.

Is it just me, or are both of you taller

than the last time I saw you?

- You mean like three minutes ago?

- Ooh, and so handsome, too.

When was the last time we did something together?

- Hmm, let's see...

days ago.

You said, "Hi, Purple," to Raph.

- [laughs] Exactly.

So what say we spend some quality time together now?

- Yes, please. Where do I sign? Just let me know.

Just give me the pack and I'll sign--

- Okay, play it cool. He might be possessed.

- You're right. I always fall for this.

- We...we might be able to squeeze you in.

- How would you boys like to enter your tank

in a father-son car competition?

- You want to enter my design in a father-son competition?

Omigosh, dreams do come true!

- I thought we were playing it cool.

- Well, here she is.

[grand music]

- So like how much damage can this thing take?

[grunting]

- It is a tank,

so she's probably pretty good on defense.

- Maybe we add another armor shell

just to really protect your creation.

- Great idea, Dad. Can't be too careful.

She is my baby.

I mean, if anything happened to her, I'd...I'd be lost.

- What kind of car competition exactly is this?

- It is, um... a car fair.

You know, like where people bring their prized cars out

to be pet and shown off...

like a pig or a spider.

[upbeat music]

This booster seat is a amazing.

I can actually see.

No more guessing what that thing I ran over was.

- I'm so glad you like it, Dad.

- Excellent work, Son.

This is going to be a glory-filled night.

You have made me very--

[brakes screech]

[yelps] We're here!

[bird squawks]

- Cool, cool, cool. Abort.

We are in danger.

- Mikey, I think he was about to say "proud."

Oh, it felt amazing. I'm gonna chase this feeling.

[ominous music]

- What kind of fair is this?

[grunting]

[rats squealing]

[groans]

- Ice cream.

Say, Dad, want to share one?

- [groans]

- You boys ready to have some fun?

- You bet we are.

We are number one--

[yells]

My baby!

- [laughs]

[audience cheering]

- The last entry.

Seal them all in.

Last car standing wins.

- Did you bring us to a crazy mutant demolition derby?

- Who is ready to win some glory?

[upbeat music]

[laughter]

[grunting]

- I thought you said they'd be petting my baby,

not destroying her.

- [laughs]

- Tonight's special. Roadkill.

- This guy? Oh, he doesn't like us.

- [grunts]

- He really doesn't like us. [crashes]

- What are they doing here?

- He not only doesn't like us, but I kinda broke his heart.

- What have you boys been up to?

- [laughs]

[horn honks] - [laughs]

- Hm, never seen him before.

- I feel the chill of disrespect in the air.

- Everybody here is a villain. We gotta get out of here.

[horn honks]

- Battle stations.

If we are going to win the trophy...

- [echoing] Trophy...

- Then we-- - Wait a minute.

What is going on here?

- A little of this, a little of that.

All in the name of fun.

- This is not fun.

[audience groans]

- You said this was a car fair.

You knew I wouldn't come if you told me

it was a demolition derby.

- Turn this tank back on now, or else I will--

- Or else what?

You tricked us into coming here.

You said you wanted to spend time with us.

You lied.

[dramatic music]

- Why aren't they moving? - They're sitting ducks.

- [laughs] - [laughs] Those fools.

Now I'm gonna break them wide open.

- Uh, guys, maybe we could have this family discussion

at a later, safer time.

- Donatello-- - [gasps]

- I may have lied about this event,

but I never lied about wanting to spend time with you.

I would not have brought you here if I did not.

[laughter]

- Um, great. Everyone loves everybody.

Now let's--

- If you had just asked me to hang out with you,

I would've said yes.

I like spending time with you, too, Dad.

- This will be the last time any of us hang out if we don't--

- You are right.

I went a little crazy. I just...

I wake up every day as a tiny rat man,

and I wanted some glory back in my life.

- [echoing] Glory.

- I'm sorry.

[engine revs]

Take me home, boys.

- Yes, great idea.

Let's get out of here.

- [laughs]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[screams]

- Got him. All right, let's win this thing.

Dad, drive.

- What, Donnie? You do not need to do this.

We can just-- - Dad, you're awesome, okay?

You're the guy who introduced us to Lou Jitsu.

And, yeah, sure, you're a rat,

and it probably would've been cooler

if you were a tiger or something,

but that's not the point.

The point is, if winning this means that much to you,

then hit that button, daddy-o.

- [grunts]

[tiger growls, video game beeping]

[engine revs]

[yells]

[grunts]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Feel the wrath of the hardest-hitting

news since Hound Blitz--

[yelling]

- [screams]

- [shrieks]

- And another car is destroyed--

[chokes]

- Those turtles.

They stole my wizzy-webs.

I want their tank destroyed post hissy-haste.

Get her ready.

- We did it, boys.

I am so prou--

- Proud? Proud. You were gonna say proud.

Why do you keep stopping it right before--

[engine revs]

- [growls]

- A last-second entry.

The greatest Death Tube champion of all time...

Big Mama!

both: Big Mama?

- Hello, Big Mama.

- Shields at %.

- What are we gonna do?

I'm too pretty to be crushed.

- Get ready to launch the Shell Hogs.

I'll draw her fire, and when she's got me lined up,

you take her out.

Hm? - Bring home the win, boys.

- Father!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [hisses]

- Hey, it's working.

They took the bait.

- That's right. That's right.

Follow me. Follow me.

- Take him out.

- Heading your way, boys.

You've got one shot.

- Oh, yeah.

- Come on. Come on.

- [yells]

- Got him.

- Now we--

oh, no.

- And boom goes the dynamite.

- [hisses]

[audience cheers]

- The tank wins! The tank wins!

[upbeat music]

- Yes, we did it! - Whoo-hoo!

- Hm?

Mm.

- [yelps]

[chokes]

- Hm.

- Yeah! - Oh, yeah.

- [exhales]

My boys. I am so proud.

- Did you just hear that?

- Yes.

all: Whoa.

- Okay, rock-paper-scissors for the first slice.

Me and Mikey are up.

- It's funny how Raph always starts

against Mr. "Only Chooses Scissors."

Both: One, two, three...

- Scissors. - Rock.

- Oh, not again.

How do you do it?

- [laughs]

Huh?

Pizza slice gone. Which of you creepoids took it?

- [laughs] all: Huh?

[all screaming] - The table's eating our pizza!

[chewing]

- It's the chair!

[all grunt]

- Wait, pops?

- Mm. yes.

And so begins your next lesson.

- Let me guess.

How to starve your enemies to death?

- No. Today, you learn the art

of ninja stealth and invisibility,

the foundation of every great ninja.

Lights-off-jutsu.

- What? Ugh.

You couldn't have done this last week

when Mikey cooked Brussels sprouts?

- You must remain sleek and nimble,

so no weapons today.

After my lessons, you will be ready for a mission

inside Big Mama's Yokai Hotel.

- You know about Big Mama?

- I have heard stories.

Ninja invisibility lesson number one.

- Use your enemy's blind spots

to advance across the b*ttlefield.

Be as light as a feather...

as quick as a really fast feather.

Move quickly and softly.

- Please, like you could possibly sneak up on--

hey, give me back my Tech-Bo...

And wallet. - [laughs]

Now, using your new skills, sneak up on me and attack.

- Here I come.

- Ninja tip. Do not announce attack.

- Roger that.

Watch me stick to the shadows, baby.

Lights-off-jutsu.

- Really?

You think you can turn off the sun?

No more fooling around.

- I'll show you fooling around.

"Light as a feather"-jutsu active.

[grunts]

[all yelling]

Uh-oh.

[all moaning]

Ugh.

- Boys, you are not kindergarteners.

Focus. Lesson five.

Blending into your environment.

[grunts]

- What? Where'd he go?

- We'll never find him.

- Yeah, he's way too smart

for all of us teenage turtles,

Right, my dudes?

- Tiniest brother is right.

He could be that pigeon,

or that moped,

or that trash pile.

all: Yeah!

- Well done, my sons.

You just beat up a big pile of garbage.

[all groaning]

It was me all along.

all: Whoa.

- Amazing. - What a disguise.

- Tricked by the master. - But you're not a turtle.

Oh, wow. - [sighs]

Maybe the only way to get through to you is fear.

I am sending you rodeo clowns on a mission right now.

You must sneak into Big Mama's

and grab the tags off her demon dog Gus.

If that vicious beast cannot get you to focus,

then nothing will.

Now go! - Yeah!

[all muttering]

- Ah, they will do very well.

Maybe they stopped for sundaes.

Oh, that's it.

A little fear never anyone.

[grunts]

A giant demon dog never hurt anyone, either.

I have sent my sons to their doom!

Don't worry, boys.

Help is on the way.

[grunts]

[laughs]

- High alert. Chip-chop, lads.

Everyone to their stations.

- High alert?

My boys. They have been discovered.

- Hey, you. Hold the elevator.

- Faster, stupid elevator. Faster.

- Let's go, let's go. High alert, high alert.

- Let's go, let's go. High alert, high alert.

- Oh.

I have failed my sons.

I do not deserve my "Greatest Dad" coffee mug.

- Okay, we made it to an elevator.

- [gasps] They are not all caught.

I am as pleased as I am totally shocked.

- Is that Gus? Grab his tags.

- I cannot because it is the bellboy.

- They are still trying to get the dog tags.

- We gotta get to another floor,

and I know just how to do it. Lesson number four.

Slow...

motion...

jutsu.

[laughs] - [groans]

No.

Gus.

He's even more ferocious than I remember.

May my sons proceed with caution just this--

what?

- Whoa.

- [growls]

[sniffs]

Something doesn't smell right.

- Oh, no. He sniffed them out.

[grunts]

- What?

Thanks for the snack, food cart.

You're no longer on my to-pounce-on list.

- We blended.

- I must make sure the others are safe.

- High alert! Everyone to your stations.

Go, go, go!

Big Mama must be massaged and manicured A.S.A.P.

- Yes.

- [grumbles]

[gasps] Raphael.

Remember your training.

Stick to the shadows.

- Nom-nom-nom-nom-nom.

- Ah.

[laughs]

That is not what I meant by sticking to the shadows.

[sniffs]

What is that awful smell?

- Oh, no, Raph's "sneaking up on people" stink.

- [growls]

- Ahh.

- Oh, sweet. A ball.

- [grunts]

- Wait, who threw this ball?

[growls]

It's like I'm being followed, but no one's there.

Total bummer day.

- Now to find blue one.

Too many Yokai.

Surely my sons would not risk moving on Gus in here.

[gasps]

- Blind spot.

And a blind spot over here. And blind spot over here.

Another blind spot.

- What an epic Battle Nexus brawl!

They're gonna be talking about this one

for centuries to come.

Too bad they both can't win.

- What are you doing?

- And it's King Cthulhu for the win!

[all cheering]

- Yeah!

- Oh.

- Hey, wait a minute. You're one of those turtles.

[both snarling]

- [hoots]

- Blind spot.

See ya!

[laughs]

- Wheels on stairs, not my finest decision.

- [exclaims] [all grunting]

- Look out!

[all screaming]

- It's like I'm invisible--

[shouting]

[all shouting]

[groans]

- Where did they go? Hm?

- Ninja-hide somewhere ninja quick.

- You can't hide from me.

- Big Mama'll want to see you, loves.

- So for like a general "hey, how you been sesh," or--

- Come on! Let's make pops proud.

- Lights-off-jutsu.

- Oh, come on, Mikey. Like that's gonna--

- I will never doubt you again.

- [grunts] What?

- All right, boys.

- [laughs]

Huh?

[disco music]

- [groans]

- [groans]

- [groans]

- Are they going for his dog tags?

Get out of the there. He will devour you all.

- [growls]

Those turtles think they can sneak up on me,

they've got another--

[snarls]

- Wait a minute.

Blending into your environment.

Blind spots.

- [sniffs]

- [laughs]

- Oh, I cannot watch.

Slow motion jutsu.

- [sniffing]

- [groans]

- [laughs]

- Lessons one through five.

I taught them something, and they paid attention.

I do deserve my "World's Greatest Dad" coffee mug.

[all cheering]

- We got it. - Yeah.

- One demon dog's dog tags.

- My sons, your persistence and dedication knows no bounds.

Yes, your methods need work...

much, much, much, much, much work.

But I am honored to be your teacher,

and proud to be your father.

- Aww.

[all cheering]

- Go and celebrate.

[overlapping chatter]

- Love you, Dad!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪